delusional-kat

[delusional-kat]

i am at a loss for words

im so hard rn (im a girl)

Thanks! <3 I hope you're aroused entertained by hearing this little asshole get what he deserves. Also! I really love doing dying noises and agonized screams, so...who do you want to hear get murdered next?

script:

[His metal bat swept at the back of my knees, sending me sprawling into the sand in front of me.] [Sand and rocks sprayed over my body as he ground to a stop.] Derek: Hahahaha! Derek: We meet again… [I tried to get up, but his foot landed on my back and kept me on the ground.] Derek: How's your tongue feel? MC: … Derek: Ha! [He moved his foot to my head and pressed it into the dirt.] Derek: You know, I really should thank you though. This has been a great vacation [He dug his heel in a bit to emphasize his words] Derek: You've been fun. MC: Please wait! Please! Don't kill me… [For a moment, he just stayed still.] [Then he removed his foot from my head, but before I could feel any sort of relief, he started laughing.] Derek: You're really pathetic. [He pushed me onto my back with his foot.] [He sauntered over my body and sat down, straddling my waist.] Derek: And I've done this before. I've watched people die out here. [He leaned in closer and spoke near my ear.] Derek: I mean, everyone breaks eventually…[He let out a derogatory laugh.] but this time, I barely had to try! [I withdrew the knife and plunged it into him. For a moment that seemed too long, he just stared at me. Then we both looked down at the knife I'd taken from the cave- handle deep in the flesh of his gut.] [I sprung into motion. I threw him to the side as he sputtered wordlessly. I yanked the knife from him, drawing out a scream that was still tempered with shock.] Derek: Y-you…Piece of shit. [I stared at him with the knife clutched tight in my hand. Still dripping with blood.] [While he tried to talk, I stepped foward. I slashed his throat with no hesitation. He wasn't even able to scream. I stood motionless as he fell back into the sand. He didn't move. I breathed evenly. It seemed strange that I felt calm. But I guess…it didn't matter. He was going to kill me. I had to do this.]

#derek goffard #the price of flesh #tpof #tpof derek #gatobob #totallynormalaudio #deargodmenext

[delusional-kat]

uh....i uh.... when i uh....you know....uhhhh....

#art #digital art #artists on tumblr #oc #ocs #i love men #men with glasses

[delusional-kat]

Lilo

more oc stuff, enjoy or dont

#art #digital art #artists on tumblr #oc #ocs #i am proud of the dog

[delusional-kat]

"What do we have here?"

Dear god i am never doing a full three person render again, anyways have some beta design art because i don't think we appreciate them enough

no bg --- Sketch

Characters belong to @Gatobob

#art #digital art #artists on tumblr #btd #boyfriends to death #art challenge #btd ren #btd strade #the price of flesh #tpof mason #tpof celia #tpof derek #tpof #mason heiral #derek goffard #celia lede #boyfriend to death #gatobob #btd art #btd fanart #btd 2 #strade btd #btd lawrence #btd2 #btd rire #btd2 lawrence #btd2 ren #lawrence btd #ren hana btd #boyfriendtodeath

[delusional-kat]

The art style is killing me <333333

wera marihuana

[delusional-kat]

Somthing on the way

#art #digital art #artists on tumblr #btd #boyfriends to death #tpof #the price of flesh #derek goffard #tpof derek #celia lede #tpof celia #tpof mason

[delusional-kat]

Sketch dump

Stuff i never posted....yuh

#art #digital art #artists on tumblr #btd #boyfriends to death #oc #ocs #btd fanart #btd 2 #btd art #btd lawrence #btd2 #btd2 lawrence #lawrence btd

[delusional-kat]

Leo! The prodigy detective

Finally finished his page...

He's the mc so he really should've had his page done first but whatever :3

#art #digital art #artists on tumblr #oc #ocs #Leo #MC #main character #hes so silly

[delusional-kat]

REN HANA!

Also it was his birthday like a few days ago? Birthday boy!

#art #digital art #artists on tumblr #btd #boyfriends to death #btd strade #btd ren #btd fanart #btd 2 #btd art #btd2 #btd2 ren #strade btd #ren hana btd #boyfriendtodeath #ren hana

[delusional-kat]

Liverleaf <3

I drew that one scene in liverleaf since it was literally everywhere on my fyp LMAO

also drew over it as my OC because it fits her character :>

#zianissosilly #Zianisalsoalittleemo #Butthatsokay #liverleaf

[delusional-kat]

Oc go crazy

#art #digital art #artists on tumblr #oc #artwork #ocs #Thereisaninsidejoke #no i will not explain

[delusional-kat]

#whatdoyoumeaniwasgoneforlike2months? #strade #btd strade #lawrence oleander #btd lawrence #art #digital art #btd #boyfriends to death #btd2 lawrence #lawrence btd

[delusional-kat]

some Lawrence sketches i quickly drew because i missed him

#Eating your art

[delusional-kat]

I'd like to apologize for the permanent closure of my Patreon discord server and for the change in plans for sound design in my upcoming YKMET:Strade game.

TLDR version: I have found that running a discord community is too much work and stress to carry along with game development and running my store. Running a server is a full time job that I am not fit for and do not have the resources for.

Unfortunately, Barbatus has decided to cut ties with me and the project, and will no longer be providing the music/sound design for YKMET. I'm very sorry for the loss of quality the game will suffer without his work. Please do not bother him about this, he is fully within his rights to decide what projects he contributes to and who he associates with. I will do my best to purchase fitting royalty free music and sounds for the game.

I will continue to work on the game.

Long version, if you need more details:

What happened in the server:

For a long time, lots of people have disagreed with how I handled disputes. I often took a long time to decide, or let both sides talk at length about their feelings. This led to a lot of discomfort.

As the community within the server grew, more disputes took place. People became upset that moderation was not keeping up with the growth, and also upset with moderators for not meeting expectations.

Recently, the server erupted into a large fight about how much negativity and venting was taking place. I failed to stop the negativity because I was obsessed with helping people with their problems. I realize now that my tendency to try and fix everything for everyone was completely out of control. It was egotistical.

At the same time, the fight was making me extremely stressed. I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder that makes adrenaline flood my system during an anxiety attack. It can get to the point where I suffer from the effects like a poisoning.

I was absolutely not in the correct frame of mind to be trying to trying to fix the situation, or even to be talking to anyone. 

A couple of people sent me very long 7 paragraph messages privately on Patreon, very angry at how I have been mishandling the situation and the server. While they were generally correct, I took it personally and got really defensive.

I freaked out and replied very poorly. I was emotional and unprofessional.

My replies were screen capped and used on twitter to make a callout post, then circulated around, kind of just exacerbating the situation as much as possible.

This is around the time that Barbatus told me that he no longer wishes to be part of the project or associate with me.

From that point on, things were mostly calm, until the full deletion of the server- 9:00am MSTJanuary 25 2024.

Please don't mistake this event as 'what caused the server deletion' however. As I have told others, it was merely a drop in a bucket that was already overflowing. Just another symptom of something that needed to change a long time ago.

My person feelings about the situation:

I realize now that it was a mistake to leave the server open after its initial purpose [ beta testing for TPOF ] had been fulfilled. I've struggled before on the internet for years to find a peaceful balance with how much of myself I personally share online. Several years ago, I realized that I had been using the internet to fill a void created by my own deep loneliness, engaging in parasocial relationships with my followers.

I thought I had learned my lesson then, but the pleasant and delightful community in my beta testing server filled me with delusions that "I could handle it this time". I was wrong, of course.

I loved that server. I loved talking with everyone, hearing about their lives, and sharing mine. But that love wasn't healthy. Even in the joyful best of times, I was constantly surrounded by praise and attention, borderline worship. This is not healthy.

I let my addiction to that attention lead us all further and further into the dangers of parasocial relationships. I knew that perfection was expected of me, and instead of getting out of that situation I said 'I can be perfect for them'. Of course I couldn't. I was being delusional, as I have done many times before in toxic relationships from my past.

My work's popularity has grown to a size where I can no longer safely put myself emotionally out there. My real self needs to live in the real world now. It's time to sever my last personal tie on the internet and only post for my work.

What is going to change going forward:

I will no longer be hosting a discord server, nor will I be using my social media accounts for anything but work [ that's already pretty much the case, so people who weren't in the server honestly probably won't notice much difference ]

Final thoughts:

I've heard people say "I really like how you actually interact with your community" and I'm very sorry to have to stop. 

I also just want to profusely and deeply apologize for my failures. I'm sorry for leaving the server open after beta testing and creating this ticking time bomb. I'm sorry for the way I handled disputes and how afraid I always was to 'take sides'. I'm sorry for my behaviour during the server meltdown. I'm embarrassed and ashamed. I'm sorry for creating this thing that people came to love so fiercely, and then taking it away. I'm sorry for putting all of you who suffered into this position and exposing you to this toxicity.

I will continue with my work on YKMET:Strade. I will pour my freed up time and energy into my work, where it should have been in the first place. And I will find more time for myself as well, with hobbies and a life outside this all.

I hope the community will continue to find peace and joy with each other. Please care for each other and give each other grace.

[delusional-kat]

Some collab stuff with @ch0ka1, make sure to follow them <3

#art #digital art #artists on tumblr #oc #art challenge

[delusional-kat]

Heyyy im back! Merry christmas everyone :3 I just did a quick little art collab with @delusional-kat ! of that trend on tiktok for funzies ^^ I hope i have more motivation to draw more D: Sorry for my inactivity </33

#Art #Meow

[delusional-kat]

@ch0ka1 <3

cute ways i want to hurt you:

holding your arm in a door and slamming it shut so that your bones break

stabbing knives into you so that they stay embedded in your flesh and i can see them move and wiggle when you breathe and talk

knocking your teeth loose and using them as fiddle toys in my own mouth, playing and moving them against my own teeth with my tongue, like tic-tacs

rubbing poison ivy all over your skin and face and in your mouth,the hives swelling on your skin and threatening to block your throat and stop your breathing, your panicking and scratching only making it worse

picking little holes in your skin, and then picking at the scabs over time, never ever letting you heal, until you have infected, rotting, festering wounds that have never once closed

fucking you, hard, in the chest, with a knife. not stabbing. fucking.

making you drink acid and watching you writhe as your insides dissolve