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dreamers-notes · 2 years

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I fell in love with the smile of a dentist

All too often we rely on our past experiences and fear new ones. We see the world in the lens of what we have lived through rather than what the present moments can teach us. We are stuck in the mindset that our past dictates our future and that our future is already created thanks to our present. (An introduction about Self discovery from a random article)

There's this guy who studies German in our institute.. I never noticed his presence tbh, but there was this time when we had to sit in class to discuss a matter with my boss and him, that's when my vision changed. I sat in a corner where I only saw his right side. Within a few seconds, I found myself drowning in his sharp beauty and listening to his sexy french/German accent.

Since that day everything changed. Hearing his name mentioned gave me butterflies. It wasn't planned, I was thinking about a whole different thing lately but suddenly everything changed and I started to wait for his session.. Well not obssessevely waiting but yeah I'd feel good seeing him..

Yesterday, I was rushing down stairs when our paths met while he was rushing too. Idk how but he actually greeted me with a wide smile and a friendly tone. It was the first time I see him friendly, he's usually expressionless.

I thought I should check him out on social media and I'm happy I did. It turned out he's a really passionate person about almost everything. He has a girl best friend, he loves his job, he shows love to his friends and family, he sings and plays guitar.

I didn't know he had a session today and I spent most of my lunch break in the kitchen inside.. When I passed by his classroom, I said hi, Idk if it was a coincidence but his answer at first was pretty cold but when he saw it was me, his tone changed and he asked how I was. Well, lately he started having small arguments with my bosses and since then, he stopped being comfortable around them and I thought maybe he thinks I'm better than them since I haven't been nothing but respectful to him and that's why he became a bit nicer to me..

Whatever that was I hope it wasn't a coincidence. Cuz this is the guy your parents would be proud of you for having but as much as this seems funny (since his 7 years older than me and he's known for his strong attitude) I wouldn't mind wishing for this to come true.

Later that day..

I've been thinking about it for a few hours, I can admit that I couldn't get him out of my head.. I tried tbh, I really did but his smile didn't leave my mind.. But I actually got something good out of this and changed my perspective from stupidly falling for another guy to discovering myself in a new way..

I focused enough on his success, not specifically the dentistry thing but his hard work in general.. It inspired me to do better and to be better.. The uncontrollable scenarios of first conversation where we get to know each other, hearing him talk about himself part was easy and clear, but when it came to me, who am I? What's the best thing that defines me? Is it my logistics license? My communication or quality certificate? Is it my English writing and speaking skills? Or my interest in coaching and psychology?

It's probably not a good idea to be comparing myself to a dentist, especially when I focused on the fact that I love science and surgery and ignored my field which is business.. I really do love science! but the dentistry? Never really got curious about it..

I talked with my mom about it and I told her that he's too high for me (Arabic expression), she said that only God is high, the rest of us are all the same whether we're dentists or anything else.. That hit me hard but I still think that my point of view is pretty logical..

Another thing that bothered me but still encouraged growth inside me.. The heaviness of having sudden new feelings for this guy felt like pulling me back to the same cycle of one sided love thing.. I thought that I should whether try enough or just let it go.. I seriously don't have time for this anymore.. Enough having imaginary passions and scenarios, it's time to step on this ground and live with people.. My bestfriend suggested she visits him since she had an oral problem, and suddenly I just had an idea to talk to him and ask for an appointment the next time he has a session.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to enter his life in a crazy way and have the guy.. I'm just trying to be a part of his life in an interesting way.. Because Ik exactly what I want and what I can deal with.. This guy is maybe too hard for me to know exactly how to communicate with.. I still need to educate myself and improve my communication skills to throw myself inside such inspiring yet critical people.. I'm not trying to think of myself any less, in fact Ik exactly my worth, but I do still admit that I still need to learn how to confront and stand confidently in front of people who criticize, focus on every detail especially financials and numbers, people who don't let their rights go even if it means fighting cruelly for them. Saoudi is that type of guy from what I saw.. I might be wrong, he may turn out a soft fluffy soul as his Facebook posts show but I still think he doesn't look that easy..

Since this matter is mentioned, I am well aware that I have a really big lack of experience with most personalities especially those who are successful and wise. That's why at the age of almost 23, it's still a challenge for me to know how to deal with people and understand their intentions despite the fact that I have a habit of analyzing souls but usually my conclusions come too late when the damage has been done and the impressions are already glued.

Saoudi is a great discovery for me and I can see God's message in the fact that he has been there for months but it was only now that I noticed the energy that pulled me to this inspiration.. I only have a couple of days left before he finishes his german lessons to learn as many things as possible from this tiny experience and leave a mark behind even if it's just a simple acquaintance (connaissance). See? I'm already learning a lot from this starting with a vocabulary..

One more thing to add, this isn't about having a crush on a dentist with a beautiful smile, it's about discovering interesting parts of people and learning the best out of it..

#dentist #crushcore #self discovery #writing #aesthetics #thoughts

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