ferninapot

[ferninapot]

Her name was lola

She was a showgirl

[ferninapot]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals and followers <3

m-m-m-me??? 🥺

Okay. Here goes:

1. Drawing

I always joke about how unrewarding it is to have a low skill level but I really do enjoy creating. It's one of my favorite things to do easily.

2. Writing

Either roleplaying or independent writing—I enjoy it all the same. My OCS fall under this umbrella as well because wtf do you do to create them, not write? i dont think so.

3. you.

4. Seashells

i am deeply saddened by how hard they are to find these days but there's a specific beach i like going to for seashell picking. it makes me really happy when i find sea dollars. but it's been years since that's happened as well.

5. swings

i used to swing on playground swings until i threw up from the nausea that came with lugging my food around back and forth. sometimes i go to the park near my old high school just to use them again- i think i stopped because my gag reflex was so shit i'd just projectile vomit anything i ate if i moved around for too long, but that isnt the case anymore.

#ask #eev says a thing #art #my art #text post #fandom unrelated #sorry i got back to you super late i just kinda havent been on tumblr but this was in my drafts since you sent it to me lmao

[ferninapot]

brushes ? :D

notable other pens i like are the default the soft airbrush and thick oil paint.

[ferninapot]

hi

im bored so im changing my style for the millionth time

oc belongs to @kkarmatic

@tobytoon wanted to be tagged 🍠

#eev says a thing #artists on tumblr #art #my art #oc

[ferninapot]

Worst friend group to ever exist. Reblog to throw rocks at them

[ferninapot]

if i do happen to get deleted btw im coming back immediately idgaf ur not running me off the website like you’ve done with other black bloggers not when u ppl have been mask off antiblack and supporters of maps and shit i refuse to leave for as long as u target me i’m gonna keep fighting back and running my mouth

[ferninapot]

I fucking love tf2

[ferninapot]

You know it's bad when I'm feeding my game addiction again after years of being clean

ever since buying my PC I haven't been the same

#eev says a thing

[ferninapot]

Reblog if you think a woman can be complete without children

Y’ALL HAVE TIME TO REBLOG THIS. IT TAKES LESS THAN FIVE SECONDS.

[ferninapot]

nvm

[ferninapot]

Evil is a great many things, but to me it was a man. A man who swore to love me as fathers do children. Evil is a man that brought me a sunflower before I ever knew a flower could grow that large. Evil is the man that let me one day grow my own. Who told me I'd inherit his truck. That he'd teach me to service it so a man could never take advantage of my ignorance.

Evil is the man who brought me creatures from the creek because he knew they made me smile. Evil is a man who let me sit in his truck before my feet could touch the rust eaten hole as I watched the road rush past. Evil is the man who's lawn mower I can still hear whenever I smell fresh grass.

Evil is the man who watched my first horror film with me when I was eleven. The one who held me in his lap and called me his princess. His special little girl. The man who wept for me when I started behaving more cautiously. Evil is the man who loved his mother, who sent her money whenever she asked. The woman who used our garage as storage and was why we only celebrated birthdays or Christmas in private. Evil is the man who paid for her electric bills when he worked on third shift yet she leased two trailers. Evil is the man who struggled to keep our cupboards full. When all we had was from the food bank or the church, evil is the man who still had money for porn.

Did you like this picture?

Or this one?

Did you like that your cologne laid rest on my body night after night? That you knew where the holes in my pajamas were? In every set I owned? Did you believe yourself when you said "This is what all father's do."?

Did you like that I couldn't fight you? "I'm uncomfortable," your child told you. Did you like that I felt guilty when you told me not to make you sound bad? At least I could never say I was unwanted. Evil is the man with a secret recipe he would teach me one day for marinade that I still long for even now. Evil is the man who's bratwurst is still the best in the world. Evil is the man who called me to the bathroom door. Held it open, steam rushing out. Evil is the man wearing ripped pants and no undergarments. Evil is the man who held me close and said "It's just between us" when all I could do was think about how red it was.

Evil is the man who held me differently as my body changed and he grieved the loss of an innocence I have yet to remember. Evil is the man who reached closer, held his hands on my waist, his stubble to my ear. "You'll always be my little girl." Evil is the man I reported on Thanksgiving morning. The sibling I shared a room with told me a secret. He didn't want to ruin our holiday. He wanted to see our cousins. He wanted to eat the cakes we made flavored with fruit flavored sodas and so did I. His tears did not convince me to wait. He wasn't any older than twelve. Was one child not enough?

Evil is the man who's car I listened to leave the driveway. Who's headlights I waited to disappear. Who's car I watched from the window until I could no longer see it from the street. Evil is the man who's remarried wife called the police. Evil is the man who called within minutes to ask why we'd done it. Evil is the sinking feeling of a man who has polished his gun cabinet. Evil is the fear racing as we leave the driveway before we can even think to set out our lunchtime ingredients.

He left work early.

I remember blue tiles and limestone walls. I remember grand windows much taller than I am even now. I remember the tinsel pumpkins, the paper turkeys of the receptionist's desk that I wished I could take home with me. I wondered if I asked her for it, would she give it to me. My stepmother was in a poor mood. I decided not to try it. I remember the hours I spent staring at the floor, memorizing the ribbons in its design. I remember the smell of autumn air whenever the door opened near where we were waiting. I remember the crunch of the leaves in the parking lot as we left with the first of many useless pieces of paper. Leaves I had once made crayon tracings of with you.

I remember my step brother who had damned my father to hell for far lesser offenses than this one. I remember his perceived vindication. His utter self satisfaction. I do not remember his sympathy. Evil is the man who's court document I reread and wonder why the devil made you do it until your lesser sentence through a guilty plea was presented. Evil is the man who pushed back his court dates. Who left me afraid of men and of windows, of cars I thought you might be hiding in. Evil is the man who left me suffocated in the night whenever I opened my eyes and I could still feel your weight over top of me. Evil is the man who's shadow I saw in the corner of my bedroom and sometimes still do no matter where I go. Evil is who's home I appeared in every night I slept, so eventually I just stopped sleeping at all.

Evil is the guilt I feel for what happened to my sibling. Guilt for having closed my legs when my father laid on me that crisp Thanksgiving morning. Evil is the responsibility that I feel for having not been the easy target, for falling back asleep at five AM because I was so used to this game you played with me. A game "all fathers do."

And though you've since died, I hope your face is known. Not as the god-fearing father of four who volunteered as a pastor after he was let out of prison early, but as a vile, worthless thing. I want you to be remembered for the sex counseling you denied. I want you to be remembered for how you said your children should be the ones to forgive you.

Evil is a man who taught me everything. Things my young soul was not ready to know.

You'll never hurt for what you've done. Your family still defends you. "Why are you so hateful? Why can't you let dead men lie?" I thought I would be happy if you died. Evil is realizing I had so much left I never got to say. It is realizing my bitter jealousy of other children was never about them, but of their good fathers.

Evil is being recognized by the news article that made the front page for our small village. Evil is being told by the bus driver "I'm sorry that happened to you" only months after you were sentenced. Evil is a town so small and a child so social that everyone knew. I sold them bracelets. I walked their dogs. I pulled their weeds. Evil is knowing everyone has an opinion but not all of them are kind.

Sometimes I still think of you when others wear your cologne. Sometimes I still think of you and the festivals our village had every summer. Sometimes I still think of you when I see a haunted house. Sometimes I still think of you when someone lays on top of me or touches my hair. Sometimes I still think of you when I wake up thrashing and screaming. When my arms strike the walls and my head hits whatever is nearest. Sometimes I still think of you when someone touches my leg. Sometimes I think of you when my lover kisses my neck. When they, so much smaller than I, come to treat me well. Sometimes I still think of you when I change into my bathing suit and I look to see if you are watching from the stairway.

Brian D. Klinger. May you be dutifully remembered. Because I will never forget more than my body has already forced me to. Let this be your obituary.

[ferninapot]

💨 ITS FUCKIN WIMDY 💨

[ferninapot]

nobody else is excited about the tadpoles I found on campus... All the native Japanese girls are afraid of tadpoles on my campus.... why? why... why are you afraid of tadpoles... who will I share this joy with...?

I found a Vietnamese exchange student and she is not afraid of them, she just thinks they're gross if they're big... What will I do now..? I found a secret tadpole pond where nobody even realized we had one........

[ferninapot]

I have multiple tag games to participate in and I apologize I will get back to all of you I've just developed an addiction to needy streamer overload... One could say I even internet overdosed....

#eev says a thing #needy girl overdose #needy streamer overload #nso #nso kangel #nso ame

[ferninapot]

Fags

Oc on right belongs to @kkarmatic

Idea based on @/mopfishh

#artists on tumblr #my art #shitpost #oc rp #oc illustration #oc: jules #oc: yoshimura

[ferninapot]

Just got a text from a crematorium saying my father's ashes were never picked up by his mother. I messaged them back to pee on them and throw them out. I don't wanna pick up the remains of a child molester. If I did pick the ashes up, it might be funny to put them in small bags and sell them to wiccans as grade A genuine child molester ashes. Maybe they could find a good use for them.

[ferninapot]

Stealing the idea from my mutual Base Info Name: Tomi Pronouns: It/They