haesunlover - Tumblr blog

haesunlover · 7 months

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long to be home. (chapter one)

pairing: huang renjun x female!reader

series genre: fluff, angst, suggestive, eventual smut

word count: 4.8k

chapter warnings: fluff, angst, slightly suggestive, talks of smoking, daddy issues, english dialogue is in italics, korean dialogue is normal, renjun is so hot it makes me sad, i want a renjun in my life, mentions of stealing cars, swearing.

a/n: ahh, i'm so sorry for taking so long to update! i've had this in my drafts for a while but i had a (very expensive) family emergency hence my long absence. but i'm back now and hopefully updating more often! please enjoy.

renjun had a concentrated look on his face as he fixed your cap and mask, "remember, my love. we need to be extremely discreet. no mask or hat removals unless absolutely necessary. at least until we reach the flight lounge."

you nodded your head, leg shaking up and down in the car as it pulls up to the airport drop off zone. the anxiety is really start to bubble up at this point. renjun can instantly tell and grabbed onto your hand that was in your lap, giving a quick squeeze for assurance.

the driver put the car into park and jumped out of the car to help unload yours and renjun's bags. the two of you exited the car, seeing that there was barely anyone around which instantly put half your mind at ease. renjun made his way from his side of the car towards you on the path, grabbing his bags. "you ready?" he asked.

you grabbed your bags as well, letting out a sigh. "as ready as i'll ever be."

the jets roared to life as the plane began to take off the incheon runway. the loving boyfriend renjun is, booked first class tickets for the two of you, so you could feel more relaxed about the upcoming few days. thankfully, the plane was a quiet one with only about ten other passengers on the 3am flight.

as the plane began to ascend, renjun turned to you in the daybed the two of you were sharing. "alright, let's go over the plan again. your friend picks us up, takes us to the hotel, we get checked in and then.." renjun trailed off, waiting for you to finish his sentence.

"we get dressed and go surprise my mum."

"wait, she doesn't know you're coming?" renjun asked surprised. "i thought everyone would know you're coming."

"i thought i'd be nice to surprise her! i haven't seen her in nearly two years." you said, pouty.

renjun laughed, throwing his head back. "what if she's not home?" he asked, still laughing.

you thought about it for a second, "then i'll just let myself in."

he kept laughing, just a lot softer this time. "baby, how are you supposed to let yourself in?"

you hold up your index finger to his lips over his mask, giving him an playful annoyed look. "it doesn't matter. we'll figure something out."

renjun nodded, grabbing your wrist and pulling it down onto the pillow where your heads were resting. "alright. and.. have you spoken to your father about coming?"

your face dropped at his question. "uh, no not yet. i'm honestly not sure if i want to see him." you mumbled, recalling the memories of your father in the last year of being in australia. as if watching your already broken family fall apart even more wasn't bad enough, your father turned into a man you didn't even recognise anymore. he turned from an emotionally unavailable father into a drunk, drugged up angry narcissist.

your boyfriend nodded, putting his arms under his head. he just stared, waiting for you to continue at your own pace. "i vowed never to see him again but.. at the same time i want closure? i absolutely resent him. i bet you, we could go to any place in australia and he would've ruined it for me somehow. he's done that much damage." you resumed.

a sigh left renjun's lips as his hand comes up to rub circles onto your waist. "i understand. have your siblings seen him since everything went down?" he asked.

"i don't think so." you replied.

"that's alright. you guys do what you have to do."

"ugh, i love how supportive you are. no matter what. i love you so much." you sighed, wrapping your arms around his head and neck, pulling him to your chest. he reciprocated the hug, nuzzling into your chest.

"is there anything i need to know about your family before i meet them? it'll be the first time. please give me a run down on them so i don't mess up. saying a quick hi on the phone is very different than actually meeting them." he mumbled into your top.

you pulled away, "oh baby, you might wanna sit up for this. it's a lot."

he sat up on the daybed, following your actions. "alright i'm ready."

"my mum, sooyoung, she is.. pretty much me. we have the same personalities. please don't go into shock about how we treat each other. it's just how we roll."

renjun nodded intently.

"my step dad, david, is australian. i've only met him once when they came to visit before me and you even met. he's super lovely. he treats mum well so that's all that matters. there is one problem though. he only speaks english."

your boyfriend ran his hands over his face, groaning. "shit, i'm not confident enough to have full conversations in english."

you leaned over, grabbing his hands away from his pretty face. "baby, trust me. you'll be fine. you speak english really well. if you get stuck, i'll be there to translate. or mum or my siblings." you assured him, giving the backs of his hands a quick kiss.

he let out a deep breath, nodding his head. "alright, tell me more about your siblings."

"well.. let me make it easy. think about pokemon. sunhi, my older sister, is the original, boring one. jae, my younger brother, is the next evolved one. kinda boring but also kinda fun. then i'm the most evolved because i think i'm the best sibling." you explained, hoping not to sound too crazy.

renjun stared at you confused, his mouth slightly agape. you mumbled a quick, 'what?' due to your confusion from his reaction. "did you really compare you and your siblings to pokemon?"

you nodded your head excitedly, "yeah! trust me, it'll make sense once you meet them. they will definitely torment you for the first few hours so just brace yourself for it. they would just want to approve of you. i also have two stepsisters but i've never met them personally. all i know is that they like dolls and kpop."

your boyfriend sighed, eyes flicking around the place as he mumbles to himself, trying to absorb all of the info. "okay, i think i got it. i just hope they like me." he pouted, feeling a bit nervous himself.

"oh my baby, come here." you said, pulling him into a quick hug. "you'll be fine."

"they know i'm an idol, right?"

"uhm.."

"right?"

after clearing customs and baggage claim, you and renjun walk into the waiting area of the international arrivals lounge at the airport. the sun was starting to set as the time was around 5pm. the lounge was packed and loud with people sitting and standing all over the place.

"shit." you whisper under your breath, the mask helping to muffle the sound. "can you see lia?" you asked, pushing the trolley away from the main door to try and have a better look for her. all of a sudden, you hear a squeal and see a bright green poster wave in the air.

"found her." renjun laughed, walking towards the sign. finally lia emerged from the sea of people with a bright smile on her face. she comes running to you, to which you embrace her in a big hug. her giggles vibrate on your chest before the two of you pulled away.

"hi guys! welcome to australia." she exclaimed excitedly, showing off the sign. you and renjun inspected it before you gasped and quickly snatched it out of her hands. renjun tried to grab it off you, wanting to have another look.

"please, i wanna see the photos!" renjun argued playfully before you finally gave up and let him look at the sign again. glued onto the sign was big, bold letters reading 'welcome home' along with photos of you and lia from the two of you were in high school, many years ago.

"lia.. you are off to a bad start." you sighed with your face turning extremely red.

"y/n, you were so cute with your little glasses and high ponytail!" renjun cooed, rolling the poster up and putting it with your luggage. "hi lia, i'm renjun. it's so lovely to finally meet you in person." he formally introduced, holding his hand out for lia to shake.

"oh renjun, as long as you treat y/n well then there is no need for formalities." she smiled, pushing his hand away and pulling him into a hug instead. renjun sighed and hugged her back, happy that he's already got the approval of someone important. "besides, you've heard so many of mine and y/n's in depth and gross stories over the phone that i think it'll be weird for you to be so formal."

renjun pulled back from the hug, nodding his head with an embarrassed look plastered on his face, "yeah, i think you're probably right about that."

"should we get this show on the road?" lia asked, waving her car keys.

"oh shit. renjun, did we pack any helmets? we'll need them with her driving." you groaned.

"hey!"

after getting checked in and ready at the hotel, the three of you piled into the car and began your adventure to your mum's house. music hummed softly in the background as stared at the streets passing by.

"are you ready to meet them, renjun?" lia asked, peering at your boyfriend through the rearview mirror. you looked over your shoulder for renjun's response.

he let out a shaky breath, nodding his head slowly. "i think so. it's my first real relationship so i've never had to meet anyone's parents before."

you reached your hand back, placing it onto his knee and giving it a gentle caress. "you'll be fine, baby. just be yourself."

he smiled gratefully, placing his hand on top of yours. "do i look okay? first impressions are vital."

you scanned over his outfit quickly, taking in the black trousers and green blouse unbuttoned slightly. "you look amazing in anything, renjun. it makes me so envious." you sighed, turning back around to face the front. "do i look okay?"

lia shakes her head, laughing at herself. "you look like shit."

you quickly punched her arm, "shut up."

she squeals at the sudden attack, still laughing. "i'm kidding dude. you look cute." you glance down at yourself, hoping the blue, floral wrap dress was appropriate enough for the upcoming reunion.

"i hope so."

"why are you so nervous?" lia asked, finally starting to calm down.

"it's just so weird to be back. what if it's awkward? i left everything behind. besides being anxious about that, i feel like i've gone back to when i lived here and i'm the helpless teen girl who had no idea how to deal with any of her shit." you sighed, throwing your head back into the seat.

lia hummed, understanding your point. "it makes sense. i can't exactly comment about how you're feeling, well, because it's your feelings. but your family won't be awkward around you, i promise you. you didn't leave them behind, you left to move forward in your life. they know that. but you also gotta remember the good stuff too."

you let out a flabbergasted laugh, "what good stuff? my head is clouded with all the shitty stuff."

"remember how we used to steal your sister's car? all the late night maccas runs we had? the adventures we'd have when you needed to get away? all the times we'd go to the beach after school instead of studying?" she asked.

"you stole your sister's car?" renjun exclaimed, leaning forward in between yours and lia's seats.

you nodded, reminiscing the times. "you'd understand why we'd steal her car when you see it." the roads became more familiar and soon enough, the street you grew up came into view.

"you ready, y/n?" lia asked, turning down the street. you hummed, nodding once more with your best friend parking on the driveway.

"ready as i'll ever be." you sighed, getting out of the car.

the white two-storey house stood in front of you. everything was still the same. the trees surrounding the front of the house, the doormat, garden gnomes from your childhood tucked into the maintained gardens, the single frangipani tree leading the way to the back of the house.

everything was still the same except now when you look at the house you once loved and called home, an uncomfortable feeling sat in your chest.

[flashback to 2018]

"i'm not fucking doing this." you mumbled, grabbing the clothes inside the wardrobe and throwing them roughly into the suitcase laid out on the bedroom floor.

"y/n.. what are you doing?" jae peeked into the room, concerned plastered all over his face. your older sister, sunhi, standing behind him with a knowing look.

you laughed tiredly, "i'm leaving. i'm not staying one moment more. they're arguing again. i can't stand it any longer."

sunhi lightly nudged jae out of the way, moving towards your shaking figure. mascara stained your cheeks from all the tears that couldn't seem to stop. your breath began to go the same speed as your racing heart.

hyperventilating, sunhi grabbed onto your arms gently and led you to your bed. "slow down. breathe." she instructed, sitting next to you and holding you close.

after several moments, your breath finally slowed down. you looked to your older sister, silently asking her for help. "i.."

"you're leaving for good? it's about time." she finished your sentence, knowing her sister intuition would be right.

you nodded, defeated. "i can't be here anymore. i can't stand being in this house much longer. i can't stand being near that asshole. i need to leave. "

the screaming finally stopped down stairs. it was silent for moments before the sound of the front door slammed, echoing through the house. the three of you sat on your bed, watching your father from the floor length windows. he kicked his car's tire and yelling out a profanity at the top of his lung before finally getting into his car and speeding off.

"mumma?" jae jumped off the bed and left the room momentarily. he called out, leaning over the stairs. "you here?"

a quiet exchange happened on the stairs between jae and your mother. soon enough, they both came into view with jae's arms holding onto her. the colour drained from her face, seeing the scene of her daughters huddled together and a suitcase not too far away.

"you're leaving?" she asked, tears in her eyes. her eyes were already puffy, clearly emotional from the previous argument.

your eyes softened at the sight of her. "mum, i can't stay around him any longer. he treats us like absolute shit. i can't believe you only just realised what a fucking awful person he is. we've all been telling you for years."

she shook her head making her way to the bed. she sat next to you and pulled jae, her big baby, to sit upon her lap. "i know. he's gone for good. i promise."

a wave of emotions hit you. happiness, grief, anger, relief.. you fall back onto the mattress, all of your pent up feelings coming out in the form of loud, violent sobs. soon after, the other three joined laying down on the mattress, forming a cuddle pile with sniffles and cries coming from everyone.

minutes passed until the crying finally slowed down. sunhi cleared her throat, making everyone give her all the attention. "i think y/n should still go."

you shot up into a sitting position, staring at your sister as if she had grown another head. "he's gone so why would i need to leave now?"

everyone followed, sitting up as well. "y/n.. you have so much potential. you need to go, spread your wings. you can't be stuck here all your life. your passion and energy is so much bigger than anything you'll find here. go." sunhi continued sadly, giving a soft smile.

your eyes faltered from her face, down to your lap. you looked down in shame for even considering leaving after the past month that had just happened. the last month, filled with arguments, threats and tears which tore your family apart. "i can't go."

"why not?" your mum asked, shaking her head in confusion.

"mumma, he's gone now. i don't need to leave. i don't want to leave you alone."

she sighed, cupping your face. "my baby, you need to go. i won't be alone. i'm fine. my strength is you guys. your happiness is my happiness. you've been talking about going to korea for ages. so go there. find yourself. if it doesn't work out, then come home. we've always got a place for you. but i know it'll work it so please just go. for me.."

you looked into her eyes, tears brimming them once more. you had to do it, not only for yourself but for her too.

a hand brushed against your back, snapping out of your daze. "you okay?" renjun asked quietly as you turned to look at him.

you flashed him a tight lipped smile, nodding your head. "yeah, i was just thinking."

"be excited. you get to see your family for the first time in years!" lia gushed, coming on the other side of you. you couldn't help but smile at your best friend's optimism.

nodding your head and taking a deep breath, "let's go."

the three of you moved towards the front door with you opening at softly as possible. as you ventured into the house, you spot your mother hunched over in the kitchen with her back turned to you. a smile crept onto your face as the aroma of vanilla and butterscotch wafted through hall.

seeing her made all thoughts of worry and anxiousness fade away. finally reaching the kitchen, you placed your chin onto your mum's shoulder. "smells good, mumma." you smiled.

her head snaps to look at you with shock written all over her face. she screamed, dropping the mixing spoon into the bowl causing a loud clatter. she throws her arms around your neck, jumping up and down excitedly. "my baby!" she exclaimed still jumping.

by the time the two of you parted, tears filled both of your eyes. "what are you doing here?" she asked, cupping your face and scanning over your face. "goodness, you've grown so much."

a laugh fell from your lips, "mum, it's been two years. i haven't changed that much. i'm here to see you guys. we had a break and thought it was time to come home."

"we?" she asked, tilting her head in confusion. your mum looks over your shoulder to see renjun. a gasp fell from her lips as she rushes over to greet your boyfriend properly for the first time. renjun bowed down respectfully, staying like that for a few seconds.

your mother grabs his elbows, making him stand back up before embracing him tightly into a motherly hug. you wiped away a stray tear that sneakily fell out. your heart fluttered at the sight of two of the most important people to you together.

the two exchanged quiet words that you couldn't quite hear but that didn't matter as you saw jae descend from the stairs, "y/n?" he asked confused.

he came into the kitchen, trying to process the fact that you are standing in the same room as him for the first time in years. you stared at him in shock. he finally grew into his face and body. the cute little boy you grew up with was now a tall, handsome man. the curls that he used to try and gel down as a kid now fell nicely around his head. tattoos lined over one of his arms and he clearly found his style.

"jae? holy shit, you've grown up so well!" you exclaimed, pulling him into the biggest hug you could give. he reciprocated but with a hint of a hesitancy. he pulled back after a few seconds, still somewhat puzzled.

your little brother finally said something, "what the fuck are you doing here?"

everyone in the room, including yourself, laughed at his lack of a verbal filter. "i'm here to see you guys and also i need inspiration to keep writing my show."

he nodded his head, staring at you this time with happiness. he was never one to verbalise his love for anyone but his looks meant more than words. jae turned over to look at renjun who still stood with your mother with an arm wrapped around each other.

renjun's eyes widened and smile dropped as jae made his way towards him. the size difference between the two made you chuckled. your boyfriend stood up straight, trying to look the slightly bit bigger than he is but still jae towered over him.

jae scanned renjun up and down as if he was analysing him. your brother maintained a stoic face for a few more seconds before asking, "do you treat her well?" to which you boyfriend nodded straight away. "do you promise to keep taking care of her now and in your future?" and renjun nodded once more.

"i promise you. she means the world to me." renjun said with confidence now, a big smile on his face.

jae nodded his head, smiling at bit before extending his hand for renjun to shake. "then welcome to the family."

as the two exchanged greetings, the sliding door connecting the kitchen and patio opened. in came sunhi, david and two little girls covered in sweat and dirt.

"holy fuck, i'm sweating my tits off out there." sunhi sighed as she kicked off her shoes. she takes off her cap and throws it onto the table, smiling as she looks around at everyone.

her eyes finally fall on you and her smile drops. it takes her a few seconds to properly register before she jumps into your arms. "geez sunhi, we're not little kids anymore. it's not easy to carry each other anymore." you wheezed as she clings all her limbs around you.

"suck it up." she whispered, holding on tighter.

"i missed you so much." you sighed, closing your eyes as you enjoy the feeling of being able to hold your older sister again.

after a few minutes, she finally lets go and stands for herself again. sunhi stares happily for a few seconds before patting your cheeks gently. "welcome home, little sis."

your stepfather, david, came over and gave a quick hug before gesturing to the girls next to you. "welcome back, y/n. this are my twin daughters, jade and mila."

you smiled, hugging each of the girls. "hi girls. i'm y/n. i'm sooyoung's daughter. it's lovely to finally meet you."

both of the girls smiled shyly before mila nudged jade. "is that your boyfriend over there?" jade asked quietly as she pointed back to renjun.

"yes, it is." you smiled proudly. "would you like to meet him?"

the two girls nodded their heads as they moved to either side of you. as the three of you started to walk the short distance to renjun, mila spoke up. "he looks like a member from nct."

you brought your hand up to cover your mouth as both you and your boyfriend laughed in sync. renjun held back the rest of his laugh with an amused smile as he waved. "hi girls. it's so nice to meet you. i'm renjun. from nct."

jade and mila's jaws dropped, looking between you and renjun. "what the fu-"

"mila!"

"what the fudge?" the ten year old tried to cover her slip up. "are you really him? so that means you know mark lee?"

your boyfriend nodded, laughing. "he's my best friend."

"he's actually going to be here in a few days. so will all the members of nct dream." you said before turning to your mum and siblings to continue, "mark, one of the members, is rina's boyfriend. she's coming too."

sunhi clapped her hands in excitement, "no way! i haven't seen rina in years. i fucking miss her so much."

rina was practically apart of the furniture when she lived in australia. on school mornings, she was there before you even woke up and was with you until it was time for her to return back to her house. even on days when you weren't home, rina still made sure to come see your family.

"i'll need to make a lot more food. when are they coming? we'll have a party! to celebrate you coming back home and to welcome the newcomers to our family." your mother gushed excitedly.

"they'll be here in two days." lia said, coming into the kitchen.

jae shook his head in confusion, "where did you come from?"

"oh, i was filming the little reunion." she smiled, waving her phone. "hi everyone, i'm here too."

nobody was really surprised as she was there often to check up on your family for you. "we'll have a barbie. i'll go to the shops tomorrow." your mother started rambling as she walked to the whiteboard on the fridge and jotting down what she wants to make.

"alright, mumma. let me know what time tomorrow and i'll go with you. in the meantime, i'm gonna go show renjun around." you excused the two of you, sliding your hand into renjun's.

the two of you made your way to the front of house, back to the front door. you go through the hall, showing all the rooms he'd need to know. "my room was upstairs. should we go have a look?"

renjun let out a hum in affirmation, following you up the stairs. "baby, your house is huge."

"i know right. it felt like a mansion when i was little. my room was just up here." you smiled as you turned right at the stairs. you halted, seeing the wooden letters you painted and stuck on the door when you were seven. you pushed down the handle, opening the door.

everything was the same. the bedsheets, the posters and photos on the wall, the desk and piano, the reading nook. everything.

you stood still, eyebrows furrowed together. "they left everything the same. from the day i left. i thought they at least would've changed it into a storage room or something else." you muttered as you entered the room.

renjun walked closer the photo wall, inspecting each photo. "is that you, lia and rina?" he asked, smiling brightly and pointing to a photobooth strip taken while ditching school one day. you walked closer to him, leaning your head on his shoulder. you hummed softly, reminiscing the memory. "you guys look so different now."

you laughed, looking at him. "years of braces, accutane and dancing does that to you. gosh, lia still has her baby face. i'm so envious. she doesn't age." you mutter as you inspected the photo closer.

"thank you." lia said, coming right next to you out of nowhere. both you and renjun jumped and stared at her in silence. she flashed an awkward smile, scratching the back of her neck. "did i interrupt something?"

renjun analysed her for a few seconds longer before saying, "now that i've actually met her in person, she reminds me of jisung. those two would get along great."

your head shot towards your boyfriend with wide eyes, "right?! i've been saying that to rina since i met jisung! they'd be a great couple."

"and that's my cue to go. i don't need a partner." she said, grabbing her keys out of her pocket. "sunhi said she'll take you guys back to the hotel later. i need to get back home. i've got an assignment due tonight. we'll talk later." lia gave a hug to each of you two but lingered for a bit longer while holding you.

"thank you so much for today, lia. message me when you get home safely. we'll plan something for tomorrow." you smiled, staring at her lovingly while cupping her face.

she nodded and grabbed your hand, swinging it for a few seconds before leaving the room.

a sigh fell from your lips. "it's so weird to be back. i wonder.." you mumbled, opening the wardrobe and grabbing down a box filled memento from your childhood. digging around, you felt the small carton of the box you were looking for. you quickly pulled it out with a smirk plastered on your face, turning around to show renjun.

"cigarettes?" he asked, shocked.

you laughed, nodding your head. "rina and i would have a cheeky ciggy some nights."

"i didn't know you smoked."

you cocked your head, "there's a lot of things you don't know about me."

he squinted his eyes, looking you up and down. "i don't know whether to be scared or turned on. or both?"

a loud laugh fell from your lips at the same time a knock came on your bedroom. "come in!"

the door handle pushed down and in came a familiar face you didn't expect to see, especially not today.

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haesunlover · 8 months

Text

long to be home. (intro)

pairing: huang renjun x female!reader

series genre: fluff, angst, suggestive, eventual smut

word count: 2.1k words

chapter warnings: fluff, light angst, reader is an aspiring writer, renjun being the best bf ever, mark talking about his dick for a second, nothing else really.

the page on the computer screen remained blank, like your thoughts as you tried to remember any childhood memories. you threw your head back groaning, trying to rattle your brain for any sort of progress. giving up, you opened the facetime app on your computer and dialled the only person who can help in this scenario.

"hey sexy," your high school best friend says as she answered the phone. "to what do i owe the pleasure?"

just hearing her voice instantly made you burst into tears. "i'm trying to write but i am fucking clueless. i'm trying to put together my childhood but it's so blurry. i can see it but i can't at the same time. it's so stupid but i'm so fucked. my brain is absolutely fried." you blurt out, holding your head in your hands.

"woah, wait. is this about your show that you're writing? the one about your life?" lia asks, confused and concerned at this sudden outburst bringing the phone closer to her face.

you nodded your head, pushing your hair away from your face and now properly looking at the camera. "yes. i'm like.. stuck. i'm not getting anywhere cause i can't remember all the details." you huffed after taking a deep breath in, trying to calm yourself down. "i'm getting so frustrated."

lia nodded her head before pulling a naughty smirk at the camera. "you know what i think?" she asked.

"what?"

"i think you need to come home. you've been gone for too long and can't remember anything. you need a memory refresher. and a holiday to come see me." she said, looking pretty proud of her suggestion.

you let out a chuckle, shaking your head at her. "i'd love to but i can't just drop everything and come over."

confusion flashed over lia's face. "why not? don't you have like a whole month off? and doesn't renjun get a two week break soon?" she asked, making a very valid point.

you thought about it. a trip back home to australia with your boyfriend and getting to see your best friend after four years. sounds great in theory but.. "i mean, i'm not sure. i don't know if i'm mentally rea- '' you started to talk and tear up but was cut off by the sound of the keypad to the apartment being used.

"shit, i gotta go. i'll keep you updated. talk to you soon!" you quickly exclaimed, shutting the lid of the laptop. you quickly wiped the tears away from under your eyes and smoothed out your hair as if you weren't about to rip it out moments before.

"y/n? you here, my love?" you hear your boyfriend, renjun, call out for you. you quickly jump out of the desk chair and walk out into the living area to see him and the rest of the dream members.

"hey guys, i'm sorry for staying for so long. i lost track of time. i'll head out now so you guys can rest up after working hard today." you explained, jolting your fist in a little 'fighting' sign as you look around at them all.

mark shook his head and asked, "what are you talking about? it's movie night! it's my pick tonight. plus rina will be over soon."

your face dropped a bit, knowing that you weren't in the right headspace to be around the boys. you just wanted to go lie in your own bed and contemplate the previous conversation you had with lia.

renjun's eyebrows furrowed as he scanned your face, coming closer and grabbing your hand. "have you been crying?"

feeling called out, you mirrored his expression. "no? what makes you think that?" you ask defensively.

his face remained firm, giving you a look that showed he knew you were lying. "your nose is red. that is such a tell tale sign for you crying."

you muttered a quiet 'shit' under your breath and tugged his arm that was still attached to your hand towards the front door. "can we go on a walk please?" you say, the room falling completely silent out of nosiness and concern. renjun silently nodded and followed you out of the front door and into the elevator.

the elevator ride down was silent. it was silent until the two of you walked out of the lobby and down into the street. "should we go to the park?" renjun asked, squeezing your hand that he has not let go of since he first grabbed it. you nodded, slightly swinging your hands together.

after walking quietly for about five minutes, the two of you reached the park and sat on a familiar park bench that you and the boys go to often.

renjun let go of your hand and grabbed a seat first, putting his arm over the back of the bench as if he was inviting you to cuddle into him. you flashed him a shy smile and sit next to him, throwing your legs over his lap and snuggling into him.

he has yet to say anything. he's learned over the year of being with you that you'll open up when you're ready and not to rush you.

it took a few moments before you found the courage to speak up, "i want to go home."

"but we were just at home?"`

"no. 'australia' home."

"okay."

you stared at him, puzzled. "that's it? you're okay with that?"

he nods his head, grabbing your hand. "i'm okay with it. the real question is are you okay with it? are you ready to go back?"

and that's exactly why you're stuck. you had thought about going home a lot recently, even before lia brought it up. the last few years in australia were life changing to say the least. you knew you'd go back eventually and face the past but not this soon. but over the last few days, you've realized it's something you must do in order to move on.

"honestly, renjun? no, i am so scared. but it's something i need to do." you answered, shakily while leaning on his shoulder.

you felt him nodding his head with a small 'mhm..' vibrating through his body. "may.. may i ask what's brought this on all of a sudden?"

you turn your head up to look at him, faces close together. "i've been trying to write but it's almost like i have writers block. except with my childhood memories. i can't seem to remember a lot. it started a few days ago. i thought about going home once. but then i thought about it again and again. then i called lia.. and she suggested the same thing. i think it's time. it's kind of bittersweet, thinking about going home. part of me longs to go back home but the other part is scared shitless." you rambled.

renjun peered down at you, looking between your eyes. "alright baby. it's no problem. we'll go back to the dorms and figure out the logistics soon."

you nodded at the start of his suggestion but looked at him confused as he finished it. "soon? why soon?"

he smiled and leaned down, kissing you softly. he put his free hand on your chin, holding you as you kissed. renjun then pulled away, "i don't know about you but i hear the playground calling our names." he said with a childish smile plastered on his face.

"i am so in love with you." you mumble, staring at him lovingly. you quickly looked around the park, making sure there was nobody around before laughing and jumping off the bench to run towards the playground. "last one to the swings is a rotten egg!"

by the time you two got back to the apartment, the lights were off in the hallway. only the tv light could be seen shining from the living room. you guys walked into the room and saw that the group were already about halfway through the movie and mark's girlfriend, also one of your closest friends, had joined.

spotting a spare seat next to mark and rina on the three seater couch, you let go of renjun's waist that you were previously holding and head towards the couple quietly. rina lets out a small sound of surprise as you fit yourself into the couple's cuddles. "hi, my rainbow. where've you been?" she asked as she leaned over and gave a quick kiss to your cheek.

"yo, why did my dick twitch a little?" mark mumbled, watching the two of you. both rina and you rolled your eyes at him. renjun walked behind the couch, heading to the only free seat in the room on the beanbag but not without smacking mark across the head first.

you couldn't help but laugh at the stupidity of them, knowing mark meant no harm. "renjun and i were at the park, having a chat." you explained, nuzzling yourself into rina. your friend shifted in her seat, turning her full attention to you.

"shit, what about?" she asked, pulling the blanket away from mark and onto your legs instead.

"well, we wer-"

"oh my god, here we go again. can you guys talk in another room please? you do this every time you see each other. the two of you literally talk for hours." chenle groaned, throwing his head back before looking at the pair of you. there were mumbles of agreement, even from your boyfriends.

giggles fell from both yours and your friend's lips as the two of you push off the couch and into the kitchen to talk. rina pulls herself onto the kitchen bench and you mirror her action but onto the kitchen island. "alright, spill." rina says, grabbing a banana from the fruit bowl next to her.

"i'm going back home to australia for a while." you say, scanning rina's face.

she stopped peeling her banana and slowly nodded, thinking about what to say. "okay.. and am i invited?" she asked, taking a bite of the banana.

you looked at her confused at apparently her only thought. "you don't have anything else to say? any advice? am i being crazy?"

"well shit, if you're going back there then you'll need moral support. which will be me!" she exclaims cheerfully.

you thought for a second. you two had been talking about going on vacation for awhile and she is actually incredible support. it'll also give rina a chance to go back home too. "i mean, i don't see why not? renjun and i decided on going during his break. would mark be okay with that?" you asked. rina quickly shoved the rest of the banana in her mouth, letting out a muffled 'let me ask.'

she jumped off of the kitchen bench and walked back into the living room with you not too far behind her. "mark, wanna go to australia with us?" she asked quite loudly over the movie. the room erupted in noise, some of the boys talking amongst each other and others trying to talk to you two girls.

"shit, i didn't know i'd cause that much of a fuss." she awkwardly mumbled, returning to her seat next to mark.

chenle spoke up loudly over the noise, "why are you guys going to australia?" he asked looking between you and rina. you groaned, walking to the lightswitch and turning it on so you can actually see everybody properly. you grabbed the remote off the table and quickly paused the movie.

"me and renjun are going back to australia to go sort things out. some family things." which wasn't entirely a lie, "rina wants to come because we've been planning a holiday together long before renjun and i even started dating. she'll also be going home to australia so obviously she wouldn't go without mark." you continued to explain.

it was jeno that spoke up next, "well, can we come too?" he asked softly next to jaemin. the two of them both showing you a very similar innocent, boyish look. you look at renjun, silently asking for help.

he pushed himself out of the beanbag and made his way over to where you were standing by the tv, "well, how about we go, just us, for the first few days and then the rest of them can join us later?"

you nodded in approval, look at everyone else to see if they give the same approval. everyone was showing some way of saying yes. it was jisung who spoke up next, "where are we even going?"

"we're going back to my hometown on the gold coast." the room erupted in noise again, but this time in excited chatter. whilst everyone was talking, you turn to renjun with a half excited and half scared look on your face.

"i guess this is it. i'm going home."

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