heatherjeff
Find Your Inner Pace
Life, fun, and running. Trying to make the world a better place while keeping it real. Always say yes to the adventure.
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2020 Book List
It has been ages since I have written and, like everyone else, there seems to be a bit more unstructured time in my everyday life. It makes perfect sense the impetus for a return to blogging is books, reading is fundamental!
My friend, KDaddy, annually shares the list of books he’s read. The first time I noticed his list I was thrilled, took notes, commented on how happy I was, and proceeded to read many of his recommendations. When it became clear 2020 was going to be a little different books became an even bigger part of my days as well as an escape from the grind of the news and the pandemic.
When KDaddy tagged me with his book list this year, it occurred to me I have a little platform where I can post my own year in review. Books are the best and reading has served me well my whole life, 2020 was no exception.
First, a few facts. This year I read 35 books, for comparison I read 24 in 2019. That makes me happy especially since there are not a million things about 2020 to invoke a sense of accomplishment. I have long kept a book journal since my title and author memory is similar to a sieve. At the start of the pandemic everyone in my house was gifted a kindle, I was not a fan of the plan, paper books are my love language. As this time has worn on, the kindle has proven to be a brilliant and magical purchase. Libby is a completely modern wonder and the next time I am in NYC I will, for sure, treat myself to a library card from that library system.
With no further ado let’s talk books.
Definitely Read:
The Nightingale: A Novel by Kristin Hannah
Two sisters reacted to the unfolding atrocities of WWII in very different ways. Both were fierce, suffered in ways unimaginable to most of us, and illustrated the many ways women are impacted by a war. Such a powerful read.
The Home for Unwanted Girls by Joanna Goodman
Great read based on a true story about a teenager who became pregnant. Her family forced her to give up her baby and it was placed in a mental institution for the sole reason the child was an “orphan”. Many more plot twists follow, this was a gem of a book.
Women in Sunlight: A Novel by Frances Mayes
This book kicked off as total cliche and morphed into complete life goals. Three older women, all single for a variety of reasons, strike up a friendship and move to a Tuscan Villa. I want to be them someday in Italy living with the locals.
The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind by William Kamkwamba and Bryan Mealer
YA This came highly recommended from my youngest. It opened his eyes to the world in a huge way and he was very committed to sharing this story with all of us. William is a complete force of nature and against (truly) all odds changes the trajectory or his family, his village, and his life with ingenuity and desire. Love this book so much.
Little Fire’s Everywhere: A Novel by Celeste Ng
Heard so much about this book and completely loved it all. So. Many. Plot. Twists.
Dear Martin by Nic Stone
YA read from my kid, a MUST read. This book was chilling on a 1,000 different levels. Race, police profiling, education, culture- Nic Stone packed it all in and it opened my heart and sparked some good conversations in our home.
Girl, Woman, Other: A Novel by Bernardine Evaristo
This thoughtfully constructed book was a gift from another reader friend and is one of my favorite reads of the year. It shares multiple first person layered viewpoints from British women who span every part of society. Great read.
Dutch House by Ann Patchett
Let’s be clear, I love Ann Patchett. Love. Whenever she authors a new novel I am jazzed and the Dutch House is no exception. The house becomes an actual character in the story and has everything to do with the brokenness of family who moves into it.
Shoe Dog: A Memoir by the Creator of Nike by Phil Knight
Unpopular opinion, I am not a fan of Nike. I am a tremendous fan of Phil Knight’s innovation and hustle. Phil is a visionary and expert storyteller.
The Tatowist of Auschwitz: A Novel by Heather Morris
The novel is based on interviews with Lale Sokolov, a Slovakian Jew who used his position of relative privilege to positively impact the lives of as many fellow prisoners as possible. I had to read this book fast since it impacted my sleep, which it should. Incredible read.
American Dirt: A Novel by Jeanine Cummins
Ooofff, this book is hard to read. I started and stopped because I could not sleep and opted to read it during daylight hours only. It is seriously terrifying in a million ways. It is about a family who has to flee from Alcopulcio to the United States due to extreme violence from the local and very well connected drug cartel. This book is a testament to the grit of illegal immigrants and an eye opening read about the terror they face.
Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption by Bryan Stevenson
True story of Bryan Stevenson’s quest to navigate the criminal justice system in the rural south where he aims to help the most disadvantaged in the system. Timely, eye opening, and full of action items we all need to help with for the betterment of our society.
City of Girls: A Novel by Elizabeth Gilbert
Books by Elizabeth Gilbert are some of my favorites and I was concerned when I started this book, it was a struggle. It came together and I ended up loving it. A story about NYC in the 1940’s centered around a girl/woman who is sent to live with her aunt at her playhouse full of showgirls. It was such an unrelatable read, it transported me to a time I have never really considered and it was a trip worth taking.
Totally Enjoyable:
True Colors by Kristen Hannah
Reads like YA fiction and I loved it. It’s about a ranch family, their horses, land, siblings, their live father and deceased mother. It is not deep and is a fun read.
In a Dark, Dark Wood by Ruth Ware
This book was intense, fun, & slightly scary. A “hen party” in a, literal glass house, becomes the scene of a murder.
The Queen of Hearts by Kimmery Martin
This is a fun read about two best friends who become doctors together and then the plot thickens. Can’t say more, it is complicated.
Freud’s Mistress by Karen Mack
This was my last library loan before the pandemic. It is a fascinating read based loosely on the dynamics of Freud’s family, drugs, affairs that feel a bit like incest, a huge male ego, this should not sound familiar in any way!
The Sun is Also a Star by Nicola Yoon
YA, loaner from my kid (which came to my nightstand highly recommended). This is a sweet, sweet love story of two teenagers who have very different backgrounds and lots of big feelings. The whole book takes place over the course of one day.
It All Comes Back to You by Beth Duke
This was a surprise hit and it sucked me in. The story is about a nurse in a retirement community who befriends a resident who lived a big life.
The Queen’s Fortune: A Novel of Desiree, Napoleon, and the Dynasty That Outlasted the Empire by Allison Pataki
I admit, I am a fan of royalty, it is so intriguing and this book was completely spellbinding. The story is based on Napoleon's France and it was messy.
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot
NF This book is amazing. A poor black woman has cancer cells removed from her body, these rapidly reproducing cells become known as HeLa cells and change the trajectory of modern medicine. There are so many consequences from this seemiling small discovery and the impact to the medical world and to Henrietta’s family are far reaching.
The Woman in the Window: A Novel by A.J. Finn
Read this in one day at the beach, I was sucked into this story of Anna Fox and her salacious neighborhood drama.
The Last Romantics by Tara Conklin
I know I liked this book and made a note about the “pause” taken over the summer when the kids in the family basically ran wild. That’s all I’ve got.
Untamed by Glennon Doyle
There was a ton of hype around this book and it is well deserved. Glennon tells it like it is and, like it or not, she has a lot of points that hit. I read this on my kindle and think I would have liked reading the physical book more.
This is the Story of a Happy Marriage by Ann Patchett
Short stories from Ann Patchett? Yes, 100% yes. The story of her relationship with Lucy, of Truth and Beauty: A Friendship, was wonderful as was the explanation of her book store in Nashville.
After You: A Novel (Me Before You Trilogy) by Jojo Moyes
I have zero idea that Me Before You was a trilogy! It is a total candy read, you are not going to learn much about your soul or the universe, but it is fun and better than TV. And yes, I will read the third book in the trilogy because candy is good!
The Saturday Night Supper Club by Carla Laureano
Also a trilogy, another happy surprise. This book is fun, another candy read, and so appealing. When I was a kid I wanted to have a restaurant so this story made my heart happy. It is a bit too clean, a bit cliche, and an enjoyable read.
Daisy Jones & The Six: A Novel by Taylor Jenkins Reid
This novel will transport you to a land of sex, drugs, and rock and roll. I read this was loosely based on the story of Fleetwood Mac, true or false, this book captures a moment in history and reads a lot like a play and is completely enjoyable.
Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng
This is the book written before Little Fires Everywhere, similar deal- family strife/mystery, kind of riveting with lots of twists. Solid read.
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed by Lori Gottlieb
NF, look at a therapist who finds herself in need of therapy. It is kind of a russian doll type of read with layers, upon layers, hidden within each other.
With the Fire on High by Elizabeth Acevedo
YA, another loaner from my kid. Such a great book about a kid who wants to be a chef and express herself through her cooking. She is a teen mother living with her abuela, it is a heartwarming book and I love the main character’s spirit.
Sidenote: schools around here are closed for the duration yet students can reserve library books and go to the local library of your choice where their school librarians greet them, warmly, in the parking lot for a drive by pick-up. It is a wonderful and much appreciated service being offered to our kids.
Nine Perfect Strangers by Liane Moriarty
This book is ridiculous, it had a strong start, went sideways but was fun and overall enjoyable. The premise is nine people descend upon an exclusive health retreat. The woman who is in change morphs from motivating to overlord, obviously.
No Thank You:
13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher
YA read, loaner from my daughter. I did not like this one bit, it made sucide seem so glam. Glad I read it and am always happy when my kids share books with me and I will always hate stories of kids’ suffering.
There There: A Novel by Tommy Orange
This book was hard to follow, had too many characters, and there was a very dark thread that I did not enjoy.
The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
This book hit me at the wrong time this year. The dystopian nature felt a little too close to home. I know it is a work for the ages but it was all ouch.
Wow, that felt good to reflect on and process. I have never really looked for threads in my own reading and knew a few things already but like seeing the balance of candy books and hard, timely topics. All in all I feel great about my 2020 reading list and hope there are titles that interest or resonate with you too. Here is to libraries reopening someday in the near future so we can browse the shelves with abandon.
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The State of MS
Where to start? So many races and adventures out there in the big wide world. I am going to jump over all of that to the present. About a week ago I had my annual exam with my neurologist. My doctor is phenomenal, she is smart, witty, and positive. Years ago when I was diagnosed with MS Dr. Crayton was the one who confirmed the diagnosis others skirted.
All of these years later I feel a mix of excitement and nerves when I see her. If we were meeting up for drinks and soft pretzels it would be 100% excitement, it is the exam that makes me a little anxious. I mean, I want to pass, I want to pass with flying colors! When I saw her last year she told me the results of my exam were the same as the year prior. I had a tad bit less sensitivity on one side than the other and as small as it was it was the exact same from one year to the next. That is the aim, maintain a steady state, no news is good news.
I was a tiny bit late for my appointment, still on a conference call about the NJ Marathon, and a little distracted and a little nervous. Typically I don't see a nurse I just see Dr. Crayton. Today I met with the nurse and she was not overly impressed with the little I had to report.
Once I saw Dr. Crayton we did all of the usual stuff, the what’s new with you, the slew of tests, and then the critical piece, the sate of the MS. This year I truly had nothing to say. Nothing was worrying me or nagging me, it was all quiet. Dr. Crayton said the words I dream of hearing, your exam this year was better than your exam last year. Being better is all I want, trust me. Once she said that I asked if I could graduate, exit the MS program? Then the fateful words I never want to hear came up- I need to see you brain, you need an MRI.
Snap.
I despise the act of getting an MRI. That tunnel is tight, and it is so loud, and what if the technician sees something? For the past few years we have agreed there is no need to worry about an MRI. This year she bought up an interesting point, there is more data than ever that exercise can regenerate cells in the nervous system. This all fits right into the dialogue of being better than good I think. As much as I dislike the test I will do it because she asked me to and because maybe long ago demeliated spots have healed; anything is possible.
Jamey has been my MRI anchor and is up for the task again. This could be the worst job ever and should be taken as a definite sign someone loves you when they are willing to stand in a cold, loud room, doing next to nothing except holding onto your leg. After all of these years our “dates” get kind of funny at times.
So we are going to do it tomorrow, MRI Friday. I am going to hop into that tunnel and let Dr. Crayton see my brain and tell me what all of this water drinking, kale eating, running lifestyle is doing for my MS. Somehow I think this might be a test I can pass with flying colors.
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5k- Curious
Friday night was the first Crystal City 5k Friday of the year and it was a cold and windy (gale force winds anyone?) kind of night. My plan was to go in there an run a PR, period, gale force winds be damned. And you know what? I did.
The Start Line- 5k Friday #1
There is an art and a science to the 5k and for most of my running life I dismissed the distance as a throw away. Just about anyone can complete a 5k so what’s the big deal? The big deal is it is hard; there is a way to beat the 5k and about a zillion ways to have the 5k beat you. I admit, I still have no idea what I am doing on there but I think I am hooked.
The upside is unlike a marathon you can race all of the time, there is no real need to taper, recovery is minimal, allowing for you to take another swing at the distance days later. That is so liberating. With marathon training it is weeks and weeks with the singular focus on that one day. One day where you might wake up to unexpected heat, rain, illness, one day working out just right is a lot of pressure to put on that one day! Don’t get me wrong there is nothing like the marathon, nothing, but the freedom of a 5k is something else all together.
A couple of years ago Lauren Fleshman broke down why the 5k rocks and even provided a pro/con chart for both the 5k distance and the marathon. The line that cracks me up is, “Are you 5k-curious?” Brilliant.
My plan is to run 5k Friday this week, minus the gale force wind, and get myself a new PR. Mile 2 is where I need to make the magic happen. What I learned from this weeks effort is running a race with no wingman, when you work for the company putting the even on, is it’s own kind of awesome. My coach was there and he did not yell at me but for me. He was the one that knew I ran a PR before I did and that is just cool. Once you see you are within striking distance of the line run for your life. Once you catch your breath you can actually enjoy the evening and not going for a long run on a Saturday morning is liberating too.
Parkway 10 Miler is coming up in a couple of weeks and as much as I love the 5k, I super love a 10 miler. Plan there is to run fast and race happy, I have put in the work to run a solid race there and that finish line is visible from long way out!
Marathon…it is not over between us but I am seeing other distances.
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Some Weeks are Just Good
You never know when it’s going to hit but some weeks training comes together and running just works in the best sense of the word. This is one of those weeks for me. Last weekend my long run was horrible; one of the worst runs I have had in a long time. My legs hurt, not effort hurt, but hurt hurt and that made a tough run worrisome. It was a fluke, no damage done to the body but the mind was a little bruised. On Tuesday we went downtown and did the Cherry Blossom run and it was the perfect reset.
Elaine, Grace, me, Adela, and Alex at the Tidal Basin: photo cred to Jenny
The weather was unexpectately warm, the blossoms were beautiful, and I was running with my friends. This run makes me unduly nervous since a few years ago I solidly hit a tree limb and ended up on my butt quite unexpectedly. Plus, have you seen the fence that is NOT next to the water? Falling into that water would be bad. Needless to stay I made it, no head wounds, no unplanned swimming. We ran up the Jefferson and the Lincoln steps and I even had company for the intervals I ran. Win-win-win.
Thursday at the track was also awesome. We had a hard workout and we did it, every last step and somehow all of those steps equaled the paces we were aiming for. That is good for the body as well as the mind.
Today Elaine and I went for a long run, I had 2 hours and she was thinking she would probably run all of it with me. Somehow we ended up running 15 miles, got a bit lost, found the great state of Maryland, and made it back to Iwo all in one piece. We were out there a tad longer than 2 hours but we were running and laughing and having fun. Eventually all roads lead to Connecticut right? Clearly the answer is yes if you run far enough.
Sneak attack back into DC
Best part? The week is not even over yet. I feel so lucky to live in this great runner friendly town and having a crew of adventurous running friends. It never gets old to see Lincoln Memorial and it never gets old to have a real conversation with the people who matter along the way.
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The Masterful Milers
Each April my team, the Masterful Milers, and I do the MS Walk. We have walked for years and years and have raised a great deal of money for the MS Society. We are doing something to positively impact those living with MS and to remind people that MS is far too common. Now that my kids are older this event checks an important box for them; they can do something to help others and we can talk about the fact that I do actually have MS.
MS Walk 2016: Masterful Milers
When I started to to see the reminders in my mail this winter to register as a team leader I held off. Then a work opportunity came up to travel for a race and I offered to go knowing this meant that the walk was essentially off for my team this year. My feelings were the tiniest bit conflicted only because I think walking matters and it makes an impact on my kids.
MS Walk 2015
This year rather than walking in April in DC with some of my most loyal and loving friends and family I will be in NJ working a marathon. I don’t know why but this feels like progress to me. One thing I do not like is being stuck on repeat. I am not insinuating that by us not walking this year I am some sort of hero but it was a choice and I am 100% ok with the way the choice worked out. It is akin to Gwyneth and her “conscious uncoupling” we could have stayed married to Chris Martin but our heart was just not in it. Sometimes signing up is good, rituals work, but sometimes they feel like work in all of the wrong ways. I will miss seeing my friends for tacos in our backyard after the walk but I will not miss the actual walk.
Who knows, maybe next year we will be back out there walking more dedicated than ever before. I am open to that and if it works out and feels right you can believe we will be back.
The year that I first had a team after being diagnosed I was pretty certain I was going to get sick before the walk even started. The idea of participating in an event for a disease I have was too much. I was a mess. A lot has changed over all of those years and I am forever grateful for my friends and family who moved their weekends around to show up. When you are not sure what could happen next with your own health that boots on the ground support matters. That support still matters today but I am different and sometimes being different requires change.
Please do continue to support the work of the MS Society, they are working hard. I do think I will have some news to share about an upcoming event with then but that is still in the development stages. As my dear former principal, SBW says, “Change is good.”
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200s Stuck on Repeat
Consistency is a tough one, isn't it? It seems just when one spot works another stuffers. Blogging has been a tough one to fit in lately (do you watch Homeland?!) but running is on. It just means I am doing the thing I like so much rather than writing about it here. I prefer when both are happening but life gets complicated.
On to the talk of running…
The track is a place that never fails to teach me a lesson. I don’t mean that in the negative way rather in the there is a lot to learn way.
Growing up I was not a runner, not one bit. For the last decade (decade?) I have been running weekly track workouts; these days it’s is just part of the groove. I went from not getting it at all, to truly looking forward to the track. Not too long ago I remember friends within my running group giving me and my other loud talkers trouble about talking too much when we should be working. Whatever, I thought. Something has changed; I lost the whatever.
The Home Track
Over the past few months 200s have been all over my track workouts. Before this stretch I don't know if I ever actually ran a 200 and if I did it was not one bit memorable. A 200 is 1/2 a lap around the track, it is short. The first week 200s were on the menu I was to run them in 50 seconds. That sounds easy, a lot can happen in 50 seconds. You know what I could not do in 50 seconds? Run a 200. I was not talking and goofing off I was trying and it was just not happening.
I came home and told Jamey I could not run that fast and he kind of looked at me. There was not a comment, or a pep talk, just kind of acknolegement of a statement. This exchange likely took place at dinner when it is a challenge to have a conversation of any substance. The following week 200s were back, I could not hit 50 seconds and now I was irritated. There are times when the splits I am expected to run seem aggressive but I can usually get it done. I told myself to do this and the message was not showing up in my legs or my times.
Again at dinner I told Jamey how my coach gave me a hard time about not hitting 50 seconds for my 200s and Jamey thought I was joking about the whole thing. His assumption is not far fetched, I like to joke but in this case I wasn’t. He said I am faster than that and I could totally hit and break 50. No, I could not, I had the numbers to prove it. His belief in me got awkward since I knew the numbers. Once he got the sense I was in fact struggling he told me what to think about- turnover, turnover, get my legs to fly.
Then it happened, I broke 50 on one 200 repeat. I was elated! My head was sending my legs one message and one message only- turnover! My legs got the message, they turned over and I did what I wanted to do. My coach acted unimpressed but I know that he knew I was working. I was over the moon! I finally could see progress on these freaking 200 repeats. The following week there were 200s again and mine all came in under my goal pace time, which continues to shrink. At the track I talk and laugh and act like a nut but not while I am on and working because, maybe for the first time ever, I can see the improvement in the splits I run and that is crazy motivating.
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It is Not a Mirror
Body shaming is all the rage; we do it to ourselves, to each other, to celebrities. I bet you saw Lady Gaga rocking it at the Super Bowl halftime show last weekend, she is a pure entertainer and pretty much awesome. I understand she did not plunge into the opening in the dome but I am not holding that against her. I was surprised at the backlash she got for the shape of her body. She was wearing a glitter two piece that morphed into a football bikini, no idea how that magic happened. Regardless, she was great, her songs were solid and she was entertaining- the whole point of a show.
Gaga not diving but she so could have!
The trolls of the internet, who seem to have moved out from under their collective bridge to a deluxe apartment in the sky, were so caddy to Gaga and her “flabby gut”. So help us all. Her response was a classic case of go high and if I was not sure I loved her before this I am positive I love her now.
Check out her words because she nailed it. I get being catty and putting others down, it is so easy to do. I can promise you I would not have the confidence to leave a dressing room in the outfit she wore in front of zillions of people the world over. It is easy to throw rocks but, let’s be real, that is easy to do when you don't feel super great about yourself.
This is an odd transition but hang on, it fit’s together.
Have you heard of Tracksmith? They are a niche brand of running apparel from New England, their gear is beautiful, as is their social media. Yesterday they had a post that literally cracked me up. The context is the Church of the Long Run (aka Sunday morning long runs) and the topic- runners who hang a half of a step ahead of you.
Here is their IG post:
There may be no sin more egregious in the Church of the Long Run than that of half stepping. For the uninitiated: half stepping means to run just in front of your partner - a literal half step ahead. It transgresses against the very spirit of the run - turning friendly, steady miles into a frustratingly unexpected competition (where no one wins). Half stepping is showing off. It’s the ultimate fragile ego move - a signal to your fellow runners that you’ve got something to prove. As one Tracksmith team member says, “If you’re going to half step, go run on your own.” Big Daddy Kane was onto something. Let’s put an end to half stepping.
This may appear to have nada to do with Lady Gaga but all of this behavior has everything to do with protecting our own fragile ego. I have run with half steppers and I have been a half stepper and it is uncomfortable all around. When running in a group, you run with the group, or announce your intentions and do your own thing. Own it. It all comes back to owning it.
One more- there is a wonderful post on the Oiselle webpage about loving your body.
Hello, theme, there you are!
Kelly talks about her battle with grief, her body, and shame. She went there, she went big and is courageous in both her words and actions, totally the best mix. When she gets to running in a sports bra she had me; that is a big deal for a lot of us and the fact that she started the #SportsBraSquad is simply empowering. Her body supports her journey, her running, and her tribe, there is a lot to love there.
The thing is it is a journey for each and every one of us and we either get there or we get somewhere else. What my hope is to keep that caddy, ego protecting voice inside and learn to silence it because Lady Gaga’s body has nothing to do with mine or with yours. That is her journey and she is an entertainer, she is not a mirror.
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Be Kind
There are so many, many reasons to be kind and if you are living in the same world I am those reasons are more evident than ever before. My Facebook feed is full of political stuff that makes my head hurt. My plan is to take it in another direction and as luck would have it I have a stash of stories that will remind you the world is full of beautiful, complicated, resilient people.
I honestly am not sure how this story found me but I love it and it fills my eyes with tears thinking of the tenacity of Tracy La Porte. Tracy is affiliated with Team Z which is a huge triathlon team here in the DC area. Her cancer, her parents cancer, becoming an Iron Man, are you even kidding me? Beyond all of that mindfulness is a powerful thing. She is a force.
Boy this next one is a tearjerker too. Wally Hesseltine is a runner, an ultra runner, and he truly just likes running. Ok, I’ll be honest with you, I just rewatched it in Starbucks and I was on the edge of ugly crying. Wally was 72 when he tried to finished Western States 100 in less than 30 hours. It took him 6 years to even gain entry into Western States, this race is a big deal. Love that Wally and I can't wait to see where his journey takes him.
There are countless reasons why sports are important in the development of little people. This article addresses how sports impact women as they grow up and enter the professional world. Many of the adult women I count as friends have a background in collegiate athletics and you can see that in the way they carry themselves and they way they take no prisoners. As a parent this article resonates with me on how to help my kids like sports and remember to let them know that we like them too no matter the outcome of their game, match, or tournament.
Let’s pull for each other, listen, be kind. We don’t all have to agree with each other but we do need to be civil. And when in doubt- go for a run!
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It’s been a while
I grew up Catholic and confession is a big part of the Catholic experience. I am going to admit, it has been nearly 2 months since I have blogged and that is just what it is. That being said, and confessed, let’s move on.
The New Year brings out all sorts of things but this cover on the Athleta catalogue is rockin’- just take a look. It is not exactly what I have come to expect in terms of advertising and that is so cool. Shake it up in 2017, let’s all shake it up.
“The joy of living is inside you. Live it. Believe in it.”
Over the past few months I have run some races, run some miles, and celebrated all of the holidays. Standard stuff but there have been so many big sparkles layered in. Writing a recap was boring for me to even consider so I am opting to move on to the present day!
Saturday morning there was snow in the forecast and super cold temperatures but Elaine and Brennan were up for a run; it was outstanding. It was snowing a bit, and cold, but the streets were pretty empty. Running with friends was exactly what I needed. The miles flew by, the conversation flowed, and it felt like all was well in the world.
Brennan, Elaine and I at the end of our long run
I am thankful that Elaine thought to take a picture at the end of our run. No question, running with friends is the way to go.
In terms of running goals and such, I have no races on the docket and think I this coming week will bring back “real” training. Over the holidays my assignment was to run everyday, faster than is comfortable. Since we were traveling around, eating food that was not the usual, those runs were key. Jamey and I were able to get out together a few times too which was an added bonus.
I am a fan of the New Year and a fresh start. Somewhere I read making resolutions is not what it is all about, it is about discipline. Resolutions fail while disciple generates change. Maybe it is just semantics but words matter and choosing the right ones create an impact. The idea of disciple resonates with me. For week two of 2017 I am going to take a moment to consider how discipline can make the year epic.
Allright, I admit this post is a bit clunky but it is a post and that fits into the discipline situation I think. More soon, I won’t be a stranger. Happy 2017, no matter what lies ahead let’s be great.
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Plans are Made to Change
My entire training life revolved around one day, last Sunday and the 41st MCM. I ran a lot, finished easy efforts with strides, did cut down runs, tempo runs, ended long runs with marathon miles. Some workouts began on the hilly Custis Trail only to end with fast miles on the track. It was all about killing it at the marathon. Guess what? I did not run the marathon.
The week leading into the race was tense. At work we were doing a program where we picked up runner packets to have in store and that got a little complicated. My coach was running MCM too so the office was brimming with anxious energy. I focused on breathing, eating, and sleeping while doing my best to ignore the latest weather reports. This was my first taper with a coach at the helm and I balked at the miles I was scheduled to run marathon week. The funny part is I followed the plan he laid out since April to the letter; yet in the last week I was all about overthrowing him. Tapering is SO hard. Wiser minds prevailed and I kept following the plan. I was ready to roll. Thursday morning at the track I was starting to loose my cool. Worry was taking over and that is not pretty for anyone. When I got home I told Jamey I was not going to run the marathon and he said, “Sure, do what you want, I am proud of you.” What? No fight? No debate? It was the PERFECT response to my crazy talk. It was like a valve released and the race was cut down to size.
Friday night while we were eating dinner I got the chills and fell off the cliff to sick in a matter of seconds. It was the oddest thing. I climbed into bed at 8pm and woke up at 10 the next morning. I slept Saturday away, I felt miserable. I called the race on Saturday, I could sit in a chair because it hurt making the plan to run a marathon way too far fetched to consider. In the moment I could have cared less about the race. I did not want to let Elaine, my training partner down, or my coach, but other than them who cared? The idea to cheer came and went, cheering was way too hard.
Sunday was a hot day, it ended up being 80 and even through it as not 80 at 7:55am for the start of the marathon it was not the weather runners were banking on. Runners got it done in less than ideal conditions. Every last one of them trained for months and had a Marine give them their hard earned medal. It was not meant to be my day.
Finally on Wednesday I started to feel ok and my oldest told me what I needed was a run. She told me the facts, runners run and I need to get out and run. She and I went out together, she on her bike and me on my feet, and it was really the best thing ever. She was right, runners run and there was nothing to shake off the sickness and the disappointment then returning to the thing makes me tick. On Thursday I went to the track and by the time I stepped into the office on Thursday I was back.
Now what? I am not sure what happens now. I trained long and hard and I tapered then did not run for almost a week. My coach is not sold on a marathon for me at this point. I am not sure what I really want to happen. Training hard was so much fun and such a challenge for me. Right now he has me working back to health with conservative miles and goals. I am glad someone else is in charge here because I am so impatient. The marathon is not my true love, the training is, the community is, the sense of being in the game is my love. My plan is in flux and I am relaxing into the that and waiting to see how things unfold. That is hard but I trust the method but I am working on it.
Last long run before the taper, those were fun miles!
One thing I have learned is that I am stronger than I thought I was and when your body says no it means no. Now let’s see what happens next.
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Change is Coming
Years ago, it seems like another lifetime ago, Bill, Heather, Lara, and I started running at Washington Lee track once we week. We met (very) early in the morning but the plan stuck and it just became part of what we did. Running on a track was not a thing I ever did before so this was challenging. From there we had the good fortune of hooking up with LUNA and though we lost Bill we gained a lot of new girl running friends. This is the last month that LUNA will be our sponsor so another change is in the works.
Track post 1500s, look at those happy faces
The track is good for a lot of things but I did not predict it would be a place that I would meet so many fantastic women. I guess anyone who is nutty enough to show up at 5:45am is either crazy or pretty fun.
We have run all year around, in all sorts of weather, and for as much as (I) we may complain, we all keep coming back for more. Mile repeats, ladders, broken miles, workouts so complex we have had to use a whiteboard- we have seen them all. On Thursday mornings, like clockwork, we are back again to see what is in store.
LUNA gave us bars, prizes, and uniforms but mainly it gave us a structure. We all agreed to show up, rain or shine, from April to October and that is what we have done for years. We also hosted an “off season” track to extend the season to year round. I am grateful for this opportunity and these women as well as the time to build something that is bigger than a Thursday morning workout.
This Thursday morning marks our last LUNA workout and next Thursday November 3 is kind of a special day. The morning track workout will officially transition over to a Women’s Pacers Running track workout. In the evening we will host our LUNA end of season auction at Claire and Don’s Beach Shack. November 3 is literally the day we jump into the new and send the old off with a party deserving of the joy LUNA track has brought us.
The plan for the new track group is to take all that LUNA gave us: women, structure, a plan, and a place and keep it going. All are welcome, we will show up with a workout and options. We will meet at the same time and place and keep doing what has worked so well for us. I hope we can encourage and support women, who like me, did not know why a track is a special place. It is punishing but now when I see the splits I can run as a 42 year old I am grateful to know it is possible. Running is so easy and uncomplicated and running with friends is really when the magic happens. Here is to sending an old chapter off in style while leaving space for something new.
May the track continue to be the place we meet at 5:45am every Thursday morning and grow to be #ForEveryRun.
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The film…next steps
Remember when I made this film called Living with MS? It’s done, it has been done for a few months and it is actually really good. While I was working on the project I lived and breathed it for ages and then it was finished. We had the premier and when the theater went dark, some part of me let the whole thing go. Don’t get me wrong it was not a let down, it was just done.
Between the film premiere and now my life has changed a lot. I have a job that is far better than any job I could have designed. I am marathon training in a way that I have never even considered before. For me, making the film, and creating something I had no real business doing opened me up to so many other experiences I would have said I had no business doing. That limiting voice in my head was misinformed to say the least.
I read an article about an author who finished up a book and when he was done, he was just done. He realized taking some time off to recharge and address other areas of his life allowed him to come back renewed for the next challenge; I completely relate to this. The hustle of getting the film done, the venue set, the tickets sold was part of my every breath for a time. Taking on the film project and seeing it to fruition allowed me to step away from it to make other changes to my story.
The thing is the film is good. The other thing is I have it in the competed form in my inbox. I need to see this through because the message is real and the people are worth seeing. To that end I am back to planning the next phase. I had a meeting with a friend that wants to help me get the film out there. I have a non-profit that is so non profit I need to generate some funds to keep it alive. I do feel ready to work on it again and get my message out to others living with MS. The whole point is to change the dialogue and that is something I can do. I have people who want to see it, friends who want to help, and I feel ready to give this project some time and love.
Letting my words out about my story has put MS in a completely different place for me and, trust me, before the film it was never at the forefront of my life. This fall as we get back to the groove I am going to tackle the film. I owe it to those out there living with MS to normalize what is a very unpredictable disease, not that anyone is asking.
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Shot Out of a Cannon
It is mid September and, holy cow, the transition back to “real life” is nothing but real. Someone said the other day, September is just like being shot out of a cannon, I could not agree more. To illustrate that point, I have not blogged in weeks and I miss it. I feel a little unmoored without putting thoughts to words so here is the tear off the bandaid post.
Let’s go big:
The Capitol Bound Chicks Ragnar Relay Pre Race Jumpie
Ragnar last weekend. Can you tell these chicks had a 4am wake-up call?
Last weekend we ran Ragnar DC and it was so much fun! Just look at these nuts. And, quick, fast forward, here we are 30+ hours later at the Navy Yard in DC.
At the finish minus one fantastic teammate
This year was unusual for us, we are generally a super organized group and once we build our team we roll from the start to the finish. That was not the case at all this year. We were literally destroyed by injury and without our fearless (and injured) leaders this team surely would have folded. The upside is we got it done with a team of 11 and a lot of creative problem solving. Lara and Kelly, two of our injured runners, morphed into the best team organizers you could ever hope to meet. They were unstoppable getting us all to the start line and then drove us back to DC. Having drivers was beyond lux. To be clear I have never driven a van at any relay ever and do not nagivate for many reasonable reasons. That said, having dedicated drivers is an amazing gift. Still need proof? Lara parallel parked a 15 person van to the cheers of another Ragnar team, that is boss.
Our team was full of women that I loved before and love even more now. Best addition to the team was Sarah “I ran over a mountain” Bell. She is friends with my dear friend Maggie and joined the party days before we were shot out of the Ragnar cannon. Amazingly, Sarah slept more on a relay then most of us do on a good night in our own bed, clearly she has a gift. And she is on the verge of being an Ironman. Sometimes when you win you win big!
Another huge gift to our team is Annette. Kelly and Heidi’s mom Annette not only volunteered for us on the course, she ran a leg. That is the kind of team we had, nothing but love and support for the 200 miles from Cumberland, MD back home to DC.
Running a relay is hard, it is fun, but it is a challenge. You eat and sleep at all of the wrong times and then run at least three times totaling any number of miles. I was set to run the most miles and my last leg of 12 miles in the middle of a rather hot Saturday afternoon. That last leg was worrisome to me. I was happy to run, but 12 miles is a lot. When I finally expressed that concern everyone rallied. Kelly, who ran about 5 legs, took 4 of my 12 miles and I felt a relief like no other. A great team will make it happen and somehow running down the streets of Georgetown on a Saturday afternoon seemed like just the right amount of crazy.
Random Funny Stuff:
We never listened to music in the van.
Lara, Elaine and I were sleeping in a park and were woken by runners playing the playground chimes and then up for good when little kids came to play.
I drank a milshake at 2am from South Mountain Creamery. Delicious.
We taped a feather to each van antenna at the start of the trip and both were on when we got to DC.
Kelly, there are two on the team and that was confusing for some, ran her one magical relay leg in her running uniform. After being sidelined by an nagging injury and seeing her in her suit made the world feel right again!
The weekend was a smashing success. My legs are still beat but it is getting better and I am excited to get back to workouts and long runs. Ragnar, the Chicks will be back again for sure to run all of the mountains and have all of the fun.
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Uncharted Territory
Summer is in full swing. Training is in full swing. Work is in full swing. Kids are fully swinging. I love summer, I am a tiny bit over this oppressive heat but I love the sunshine and the freedom of these long days.
Truth!
Marine Corps Marathon training has been in motion for a while now, my coach has been sending me workouts and my mileage is eeking upwards to numbers I don’t think I have ever maintained. The total upside is I get training information bit by bit, so no, I cannot tell you what I will doing on August 24th but I am finding that is really helpful. I am training in the week I am in and it takes so much pressure off of me since I am not considering what 3 long runs down the plan will look like. I had no idea how much that small but huge change could help me train in the present.
A couple of weeks ago the idea of running doubles was presented and that has been a big way to rack up miles and piles of dirty clothes. The other day I was forced to buy more socks since I did not have any clean. All this is totally uncharted territory for me and my running life. Another big change is I am running a lot miles alone and often in silence, never my normal plan. Having a training plan to follow gives me stuff to do on my runs so my mind is engaged. I can just feel myself getting stronger and that is just cool observe.
This cycle I have already built up to some long, long runs and my confidence is building. The days I do not run I relish. There are lots of miles between here and MCM but I feel like training in the moment I am in is helping me to stay engaged and excited about each workout. The other day I had an easy workout on the plan with 6x100 meter strides at the end. Those strides made me so happy, I never thought I would say this but I love workouts with a twist like that. I puts some pep in my step and that is just fun.
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Sometimes You Blow-Up
Twlighter. It is a 5K in the dead of July, it’s a night run, it is flat, it is fast, and the field is deep with elite athletes. This is just a fun night out.
Twlighter start line on Saturday night
This year I had directions, I had splits, I had a clear goal and it was awesome. Jamey and I went together and he wanted to see what he could do and that was perfect. The key direction I had was: do not overheat, once you overheat you cannot come back, you are done. It was a crazy hot and humid night and the extra special race weather plan was put in effect, it was that kind of hot. Jamey went off, I went, I felt great. The first two miles were too fast, like a lot too fast and I kept telling myself to slow down, don’t overheat but I was going fast and I got greedy. I saw lots of friends out there running and we said hi and they ran on, it was ok, really ok, I was running too fast anyway. Let them run their race and I will run mine. There was a fire truck out on the course spraying the hose like a rainbow arch in the sky, so fun. There were cold sponges. I knew to take one. The volunteers said raise two hands to get water thrown at you. I did, twice. I passed mile two, I was killing it. Then I was keenly aware that what I had for dinner wanted out. Yup, once you overheat you are dead.
I talked dinner down, I looked at my pace, I stopped and tried to settle myself. I wore my Oiselle singlet and wearing that is the most open inviation to have friends I can think of on a race course. A fellow Volee member pulled over to ask if I was ok, I said I was, I wasn’t but the error was all my own. I sent her along and thought of Theresa who nailed it when it comes to walking in a painful race. She works with Girls on the Run and told me a hilarious story of running with some girls and their incessant complaining and desire to walk. She aptly pointed out to the girls, if you walk you are out here longer. I did not want to walk in, I did not want to puke either, but I could resume running and make it to the finish line and I knew it would be faster than walking. I smiled as I got to mile three when I was to give it all I got and I did and it was slow.
You cannot see the firetruck actually spraying but this is the coolest spot on the race course!
As I crossed the finish line I got cheers from my Volee teammates, from Jamey, from my work buddies. I was hurting but despite not meeting my race goals I am really proud of myself, I went for it in a race. It went badly but I tried and my legs and my fitness carried me for a bit until my thermostat hit red. That is not my typical MO and even though it did not pan out I learned a lot and I am excited to race again and see what I can do when I use my head.
It is still hot as the blazes and I went out the next morning for a 10 mile run a few short hours after running Twlighter. It was stiffling but I did it. Yes, I am tried and sore but there is so much more we can do then makes good sense. That is why we run right? To find those edges and push them. To find that pain point and push it. To open our minds and hearts to the possibility. Yes, I blew-up at a 5K but I am ok and kind of a bad ass.
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Every Runner
A while back I had the honor of meeting Andrea Peet and doing a piece on her for Runner’s World. Andrea has a great story, is super likable, and she has ALS. ALS sucks. Andrea is brave, outspoken, and she is still racing. Two years into her diagnosis, she races with her trike. That is badass.
I love Andrea’s story about her new tattoos
A few weeks ago she let loose on Facebook about how some race directors would not allow her to ride her trike in running races. Andrea does not rant, ranting is not her way to communicate. She was clearly fed-up and wanted to get her frustration out there and her words have been in my head since I read it.
What she noted in terms of her racing, her exclusion from athletic events, and her sheer frustration got me on a variety of levels. Andrea’s life is a gift, all of ours are, but her’s is on a bit more of a relative timetable. The fact that she is not welcome wherever she wants to go is unacceptable. The fact that she wastes her precious time defending her right race with other athletes is ludicrous.
I am sure there are decent, maybe even passable, reasons for any rules that lead the race directors to say no to her participating, but why limit someone? Why limit someone who wants to be there, to participate, to live? The thing that’s so great about running is there is no one right way to do it.
When it seems like one problem is too big to solve an answer comes in from a different, unexpected angle.
Jamie Watts is a local runner in the DC scene and she has CP. The July issue of Washingtonian features an article on Jamie and all of the races she has completed and how she is a fixture at area races. Jamie starts races sometimes hours before the gun goes off and is almost always last to finish. The amazing thing is when you cheer for Jamie she doesn’t miss a beat, she cheers right back to you. Lisa Reeves, the Race Director for Pacers, welcomes Jamie into the field of racers. There are steps that Lisa, Jamie, and the Pacers team needs to make but they do it because Jamie is just another runner and she deserves the same experience that every other racer gets. It is just that complicated and also that simple.
Why is one women struggling to get a bib while another has become a local celeb? I cannot really say for sure but sometimes it is just a matter of the right people lining up together. It doesn’t just come down to the wheels on Andrea’s trike. The gift that we as runners excel in is acceptance, in you can do it, you should be here, you belong. Running is not always a straight and obvious path and sometimes you fall but the running community is there to invite you back in when you are ready.
To think your own running will always look the same is a mistake: we all age, we get slower, we press on. Some of us will need help and concessions that does not make us less than. Jamie and Andrea are talking to each other and are working together to make this story a better one for Andrea. That is just so cool, that is just two runners doing what runners do.
Jamie I am so glad you are here running, being tough as hell while wearing a wide grin. I can’t wait to see you out there tonight running Twlighter on this steamy July day. Andrea, the fact that you are in this fight makes me so mad and I am going to do whatever to help you get to your start lines. Everyone deserves to live the life they want.
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Kids and Sport
My kids know most mornings Jamey and I get up and run or do some sort of exercise to take care of ourselves. That is just the way we do it here and I don’t give it a ton of thought about it.
Growing up my parents we not active, that was not part of their life and I did not give it a thought at the time. These days my Dad does yoga and he and my Mom go to the gym. Their gym trips are certianly social calls but they make the effort and that fact alone is a good thing.
I came across this sweet video from Jaybird sports, a company that does kick ass marketing videos. I have no idea about their products but I love their media presence. The video is of Lauren Fleshman and her son Jude in the car talking about their days. She and her husband are pro athletes and little Jude just sees them for who they are- his parents.
The reason I am even putting my family and the Fleshman/Thomas family in the same post became clear to me after watching this clip. We are all the same. Us people, us parents, us athletes- we are all just doing the best we can with what we have. We work hard, we show up, and we love who we love. It is just that simple.
It is also a great reminder that we are privileged to have fun out there, even on the days that are tough, the workouts where legs feel leaden, we get a chance to be out there doing what we love. That is just so cool.
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