hellpfulbrosiphe

[hellpfulbrosiphe]

You're nothing but a pog in the memechine

#comedy is my passion #terrible puns #i have become cringe #enjoyer of shit posts

[hellpfulbrosiphe]

Listening to a noise band with Bluetooth headphones and then walking really far away from my device so I get extra noise per noise™

#music #audiophile #bigblack #i am very funny

[hellpfulbrosiphe]

Either bask in the pain of ugly dumb shitty tattoos every day, or take all that pain and shove it into like 20 seconds

everyone said getting a tattoo removed is about the equivalent in pain as getting the tattoo

straight lies bro

#idk if i know you in real life tbh #take ny unsolicited advice anyways #or dont #im probably not you dad

[hellpfulbrosiphe]

Just got a spam phone call from United airlines. I said "oh hi, I have no plans to travel ever actually" and she hung up before I could even ask to be removed from her list.

I just burst out laughing, why did she believe me?

#spam calls #just lie to these idiots #they are getting paid hourly i am not #the ftc really just cares about comedy

[hellpfulbrosiphe]

I hope trump start selling fake xans on truth social

[hellpfulbrosiphe]

It was really punk rock what BP did to the gulf

[hellpfulbrosiphe]

the two genders are “i no longer wish to be perceived” and “i have to be the most fuckable person at the grocery store”

#i am nonbinary in this reality #only perceive me if you want to fuck

[hellpfulbrosiphe]

You can screw your friends, and you can screw your mom, but you can't screw your friends mom

#malaphor #comedy is my passion #i don't advocate incest #this came to me in a fever dream

[hellpfulbrosiphe]

I hate that meme that's like "oh you're trying for kids? You're telling your whole family you're raw dogging?" Don't get me wrong, it was funny the first time I saw it. Then I thought about it...

Everyone in your family, especially the ones you're directly related to, has hit it raw. That's why your here! Your grandma is currently doing a victory lap in the nursing home, all raw. Grow up

#twitter #raw dogging #grandma baked a cake #and roger down the hall is going to demolish it with some help from his friends

[hellpfulbrosiphe]

I think we created too much value. It's all we have time for anymore. When I go to a thrift store all I see is excessive value some laborer generated. I know we have too much value because things that cost well over a hundred dollars get used for a few years and now... They're worth like $20.

When our monuments of value outnumber us we are reminded of the cost. The excess is fueled by fresh blood squeezed from new capitalists. My people are the old capitalists, jaded, bloodless. Rather that refilling our hearts we turn the blood of others into waffle irons and bedding to fill our minds with dreams.

Dreams that maybe one day, if we all save our money, we may bail ourselves out. Return to the comfort of the heavens the same way we left them; alone.

#thrifting #himbo city #vote please #capitalism is hell #should we have to work harder for less? when will giving up be okay?

[hellpfulbrosiphe]

If you homie didn't know how to wipe his ass would you show him? Are you confident in your technique? Would you teach a course?

#it's not gay #its called friendship #maybe look it up #dirty boys deserve clean boys to help them be less dirty

[hellpfulbrosiphe]

She suck me goofy until I gorsh

#goofy #she uuh until I uuuuuuh #comedy is my passion #get me outta hereeee

[hellpfulbrosiphe]

Look man we all eat chili dogs, it's not the problem. Stop saying you just "sucked down a couple dogs" in front of my kids. They're impressionable

[hellpfulbrosiphe]

The sex bots wouldn't be so bad if they like my posts. It's like if someone came into your bedroom to stand in the corner silently. Kick my ass or something

#bots #himbo #stop the bots

[hellpfulbrosiphe]

Shout out to haters. Real hateful mfers. Y'all have the right idea, most people deserve some hate. Yet haters get 90% of the hate? So unfair, smh my head

#haters #love your local hater #kiss me i hate you #catch me slipping in a Walmart parking lot where i have mo defense from you insults #himbo city

[hellpfulbrosiphe]

I read this as end poverty as I scrolled by. Life would be better if I never questioned my first reading of it.

#end poverty #afraid of bronies

[hellpfulbrosiphe]

Posting here is like taking my thoughts out of the void, and throwing them into a separate void where best case scenario 3 people are amused

#still will do it tho #recognize me im funny sometimes #i should have joined earlier but then i would never have escaped my Homestuck phase