Tumgik
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Brian: stop asking me if I’m a boy or a girl
Brian: I’m a punchline.
Sandra: explain
Brian: my pronouns are he/he/he/he/he
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Del: It’s a story of surviving and dying every time. That’s what all stories are in the end.
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Kidnapper: we have your dad.
Parker: I don’t have a dad.
Kidnapper: Yes you do we took him outside your bookstore.
Parker: Oh. That’s Kevin. Don’t worry, you’ll be healing from all your trauma soon.
Kidnapper, crying: Please come get him we don’t want him anymore.
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Sunny: Good morning
Del: Good morning
Parker: Good morning
Lainey: Good morning
Rains: Good morning
Kevin: Good morning
Brian: Good morning
Ames: You all sound like robots. Spice it up a bit.
Sandra, throwing the door open: Hello motherfuckers!
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Sandra: okay quiz time. You crash land on an alien planet after fleeing your own planet going up in flames. What’s the first thing you do?
Brian: find a hot local and instantly try to kill him for startling you.
Kevin, who still has lingering trauma from the event: W H Y
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Sandra: you’re a dumbass. you’d survive tumblr.
Brian: I think you mean tumblr would survive me. I wouldn’t survive them.
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Lainey: did you preheat the oven like I told you to?
Del: yup!
Lainey: at what temperature?
Del: 536!
Lainey:
Del:
Ames: that is the clock
Del: 537.
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Sandra: your insolence goes too far!
Del: WRONG! It can go a lot further!
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Sandra: we have your child
Kevin: which one?
Sandra: what
Kevin: which child?
Sandra: uhhh, short, black hair, kept threatening the end of humanity on us—
Kevin: oh that’s Del you don’t have them they have you good luck
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Parker: We? You’re coming with me? No offence, but I don’t need company.
Kevin: It’s not company, it’s babysitting.
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Ames: my first husband was adopted by all of my friends like two weeks after the divorce
Sandra: that’s rough buddy
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Brian, to Auden: if you get scared, you can always hide behind me
Brian: I’ll be hiding behind Sandra
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Sunny: and you are rucking right
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Ames: Self control just got on a plane and went for a vacation in the Bahamas and isn't coming back
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Lainey: I am probably the only one at risk of actively attempting a kidnapping
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Rains: MY EYES ARE P E R F E C T EXCUSE YOU
YOU KNOW HOW MANY FUCKING CARROTS I'VE EATEN
THE RUSSIANS HAVE NOTHING ON ME
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Auden: just post an Ames
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