jaaasminrose

[jaaasminrose]

I need my bestfriend.

I fucking need my bestfriend at a time like this. But because of all the bullcrap that's happened, I can't. And it makes everything more effing depressing.

[jaaasminrose]

Where in the world are you? Hindi ko alam iisipin ko. Bigla ka nalang nawala. Should I have seen it? Your texts were getting shorter. And poof, you're suddenly gone. Ayokong mag assume. Whatever it is, it HAS to be a good reason. You wouldn't leave me just for nothing right? You promised. Hell I should be mad at you right now! Nasaan ka?! You knew. You knew I needed you right now. Everything is falling apart. Yet you still left. You were the only one I have. You were the only one I had. You goddamn knew it. You told me I shouldn't be too dependent on you. And i'm trying. I'm trying to be okay. I sometimes even fool myself it's not that big of a deal. Because I find myself okay at times. But when i'm all alone. When i have nothing but my thoughts. It just consumes me. I tried looking for clues. Backreading at its finest. Was it really just one sided? No. I don't believe that. I don't fucking believe that. Umasa lang ba ako sa wala? Pinaasa mo lang ba talaga ako? Was I just really your back up? Kabit lang ba talaga ako? All these thoughts running through my head right now. But i've learned my lesson from the past. Sige Cheng. I will wait. I will wait for you to comeback. But before you do, make sure that you are all mine. Kasi hindi ko na kayang makihati. Gusto ko saakin ka lang. Wag mo ako balikan hangga't hindi ka pa ready sumugal. Don't give me bs that you are afraid or tired of starting again. Kung mahal mo ako, mahal mo ako. Ako lang. Alam ko madami kang pinagdaanan. I know why you are scared. Naiintindihan ko. Pero hanggang kelan ka magiging ganyan? Hanggang kelan ka mag titiis na ganyan? Kung ayaw mo sa buhay mo ngayon, baguhin mo. Sabi mo masaya ka pero sasabihin mo din naiinis ka. Napaka-indecisive mo. Sana may maganda kang dahilan kung bakit ka ganito ngayon. I miss you, Tarca. My heart is breaking like hell right now. Ni hindi ko pa nasasabi sa'yo. I know i've told you many times, too casually. But i haven't told you yet what I wanted you to know when i'm 100% sure. Will I ever get to tell you? I don't know.. Sobra din akong confused right now. Fuck. Si Jays. He admitted tonight that he thinks he likes me. Pero sabi nya alam nyang hindi tama. Kasi alam nyang ikaw ang gusto ko. I can't say I don't like him. Natutuwa ako sakanya, yes. But he's too good for me. Hindi ko sya deserve. Masasaktan ko lang sya lalo na't ikaw parin ang hinahanap ko. Fcvk. I'm so confused. Asan ka ba!!!! Magpakita ka sa akin. Hindi na sapat sa akin ang text o tawag lang. Kapag bumalik ka, at gusto mong bumalik kung paano tayo, sana.. sana sigurado ka na. Sa akin. Yung ako lang. Yung tayong dalawa lang.

#030716 #mahal

[jaaasminrose]

Where are you mahal?

I haven't heard from you.. it's almost a day. This is the first day ever that we haven't had communication ever since you left. What is happening? Are you finally leaving me? Hay. I knew this day would come. Just like any other. I really thought you were different. I <i>hoped</i> you were different. Prove me wrong, Tarca. Keep you promises.

#030316 #mahal #notdifferent #brokenpromises #whatsnew

[jaaasminrose]

It's getting harder... :)

There. I finally said it. And your response.. <i>Yes, I know.</i> I don't know what's on your mind. And i'm afraid to know.. But i'm sure now. And that's what scares me most. What hurts most. After all this time. I finally realized it. It was the day before my birthday, that I finally admitted it to myself. When you said you are unable to come.. it broke my heart. I felt every bit of it, shattering, falling, breaking. I know I set myself up in this kind of heartache anyway. I dug my own grave. I have been crying. Something that I haven't done, not with something like this anyway, for months. The last time I think was when she found out, that day you suddenly said goodbye. But I kept myself strong. I wanted to be. First because I have no right to be weak, not when I fully know about the circumstance but still did not leave. Second, because I don't want to be a burden to you. Chelsea, you're the only thing I have. My friends, even my mom, left me. Yes I have other friends or cousins. But you are the closest thing I have like home. A home for my heart. I'm trying. I'm happy. You make me really really happy. And right now every ache js still worth it. Sabi mo sabihin ko sa'yo kapag nahihirapan na ako. Ayoko kasi pakiramdam ko lalayo ka kapag ginawa ko yun. And hindi pa ako ready, mahal. This is so selfish, I know. Kaya ko gusto makipagkita sa'yo kasi feeling ko kapag lalong tumagal na hindi tayo magkita, magsawa ka na. Isipin mong paulit ulit lang yung meron tayo. Natatakot akong mapalayo yung loob ko sakin.. Pero mahal. Sabihan mo ako sa tunay na nararamdaman mo. Please. Please be honest with me. Ayoko maging unfair sa'yo. <i>Ayoko...

#021516 #mahal #indecisivenomore #ijustmissyou

[jaaasminrose]

Isang buwan 🌘

I miss you. Yun lang talaga. Mababaliw na ako. Nag backread ako. I miss how close we were. I miss how we spend almost everyday seeing and talking to each other. It's so sad you had to leave. Naiisip parin kasi kita lagi lalo na sa office. Na kung sana andun ka, baka mas lalong masaya. Namimiss ko lang lahat lahat. Yung magpapayakap ka. Yung chats natin sa xlite. Yung magkatapat pa tayo ng station at mag sisilipan hahaha. Naaala ko lagi ka pang tulog. Pero kapag sinilip kita at nakita mo ko you would have this smile na parang nahihiya pero kinikilig. Naalala ko yung hindi tayo nag papansinsan. Ang saklap kaya nun. Pero natawa ako kasi bigla ka nalang nag abot ng kitkat nun na may sorry note pa. Nagulat talaga ako nun. Binabalik-balikan ko lahat kasi parang yun lang ang meron ako ngayon eh. Yung alaala. Alam ko sabi mo magkikita tayo. Magkikita naman talaga tayo. Pero siguro I just can't help but get jealous with the people who can see and be with you anytime.. Sa sobrang tagal nating hindi nagkikita pero nag uusap naman palagi, dumating ako sa point na nakasanayan ko na sabihin na namimiss kita. Pero ewan ko bigla ko nalang naramdaman yung bigat na hindi na natin nagagawa mga ginagawa natin dati. Isang buwan na kaya. Mag iisang buwan ko na di nakikita yung mahal ko. Mag iisang buwan ko ng hindi nahahawakan yung mukha mo. Yung kamay mo. Isang buwan na hindi dumadaan ang buhok mo sa puwang ng mga daliri ko. Isang buwan na hindi ko nararamdaman yung init ng katawan mong sexy kapag niyayakap ang katawan kong sexy din. Isang buwan na hindi ko narinig yung boses mong pabebe kasi ang lambing lambing. 2? Two! Hahaha. Isang buwang hindi dumadampi yung labi mo sa pisngi ko. At ganun din ang akin, sa'yo. Halos dalawang buwan na mula nung naramdaman ko yung init ng hangin na nanggagaling sa'yong bibig... Hay. Anong gagawin ko? Sa maikling panahon na nakasama kita, umandar ito ng pagkalalim na pakiramdam ko, taon ang nagaganap If only we could go back. And then i'd stop the time...

#013116 #isangbuwan #sugarplum #mahal #babygirl #sepanx

[jaaasminrose]

Still holding myself together pero sa totoo lang galit ako. Galit na galit. T*ngina kung wala o nawawala na talaga yung Jasmin Rose na kilala nyo, edi sana wala na akong pakielam sa mga pinagsasabi nyo? Sana hindi ako nag eeffort na ipaliwanag sarili ko para maintindihan nyo ako. Kung sobrang kitid ng utak ko de sana pinatulan ko na kayong lahat o iniwan or what! Hindi na tayo mga bata jusme! Kung hindi ako nag iisip, kung ako talaga yung sobrang immature pinagpapatol ko na kayo dahil sobrang sagad yung naririnig ko mula sainyo na never ko inexpect na maririnig ko from you all. Napakadali nyong magsalita ng masama saakin. T*ngina matatanggap ko eh, kung sobrang lala ko na at gusto nyo sobrang hard nyo saakin. Pero put*ngina bakit si Aye hindi ako makuha pagsalitaan ng ganyan?! Kasi alam nyang kapag nagsalita din sya, mawawala na talaga ako. Wala na kong nararamdamang pagmamahal sainyo. Gusto ko isiping concerned kayo sakin pero hindi. Yung mga sinasabi nyo ngayon lumalabas lang lahat ng yan kasi may binangga ako sainyo. The momma bear. The one who's supposed to be the most mature here, being the oldest. Oo galit na talaga ako. Ang kakapal ng mukha nyo. Ang iimmature nyo. Ha. Alam ko lahat ng 'to hindi nyo naman tatanggapin eh. Alam ko naman lahat ng sinabi ko at ipinaliwanag sainyo, "labas kabilang tenga" as you put it kasi alam nyo na marami kayo, kaya ramdam na ramdam nyo tama kayo. Pero bakit?! May sinabi ba akong tama ako?!! NEVER. Never kong sinabi na tama ako sa mga ginagawa ko. Inamin ko yung mali ko at alam ko na lahat ng nangyayari sakin ngayon eh kagagawan ko. May pinagsisihan ako, pero kahit ganon, naging masaya ako! At sa lahat ng nangyayari saking mali, natututo ako! Which is yun ang hindi nyo matanggap! Anong gusto nyo, kapag may ginawa akong mali, magpapakababa pa ako, iindahin ko pa, o papatigilin ko ang buhay ko?! Bullshit! Matuto tayong mag move-on! Oo! Coming from me! Hindi tayo lahat perpekto kaya ngayon palang tanggapin na natin yon. Maski kayo! Matagal na tayong magkakaibigan at alam na alam ko din lahat ng ginagawa nyo! Pero may narinig kayo saakin?! Wala! Not because I tolerate you but because I trust you enough that you will eventually know what to do at kailangan nyo lang paminsan ng konting advices on the side. Pero not to the point na pipilitin ko gawin nyo ang mga bagay bagay at ipapamukha ko sainyo na mali yung ginagawa nyo! Kasi ako hindi ako ganun. May paki ako sa feelings nyo. At kahit bali-baliktarin nyo ang mundo, hindi sa pinagkaisahan nyo ako, kundi kumampi kayo. Dahil kung wala akong binangga, hindi ko maririnig lahat ng yan sainyo at itaga nyo yan sa bato wag tayo maglokohan dito. Napakababaw. Salamat ha. Salamat sa pagtingin sakin na isang malaking problemang kailangang lutasin at hindi bilang kaibigang kailanagan tulungan. Tapos sasabihin nyo hindi ako tumatanggap ng tulong. Una palang tinanong ko kayo anong mali. Anong ginawa nyo?! Pinaramdam nyo saakin na hindi nyo muna sasabihin kasi kailangan nyo muna mag usap usap. WOW HA THANK YOU! Ano plastik ba kayo? Hindi nyo masabi sakin ng harapan o natatakot kayo na baka mali din kayo kaya kailangan nyo ba ng back up? Kung nung umpisa palang may ayaw na kayo na ginagawa ko edi ora mismo sana sinabi nyo. Hindi yung andami ko na palang ginagawang ayaw nyo tapos ako tuloy tuloy lang. Pasensya kasi ngayon galit talaga ako. Pero hindi ako magpaparinig sa social media o lalapit sa kaibigan para humanap ng kakampi para dito. Hinarap ko kayo ng maayos kahit lahat kayo pagalit saakin kumausap na hindi naman talaga necessary. Never ko pinaramdam sainyo na hindi ko kaya mahal. Salamat sa lahat ng concerns nyo. Pero sa ngayon hindi ko kailangan ng mga taong imbis na alalayan ako e hihilahin pa ako pababa. Salamat, skimbs.

#011016 #skimbs #frustrations #insideout #illbefine

[jaaasminrose]

Hi Tarca! Sooo.. this is my new year msg to you. I know i've said it a lot of times and alam ko gasgas na satin yung natutuwa tayo sa isa't isa. Pero realtalk naman kasi. When I saw you, I was just looking for someone wearing pink. And then you came (oo na di pink yun pero whatevs shade padin haha). I remember how kilig I was alr when i found out na mj ka hahaha. My obound tmmate was alr teasing me nga. Tapos ang alam ko nawala e, yung pagka-crush ko sa'yo. Then nag barge kyo first day dapat ng ob pero as fate wants it, di natuloy so tumambay muna kami and ako, sa tm pisot. Natuwa ako that you were there pero kalma muna ako tas nalungkot pa ko nung naglunch kayo kasi akala ko di na kayo babalik. Yun yung nagcalls na kami tapos you came back and sakin ka pag nagbarge na para akong sinapian na straight yung benta ko and natatawa ako na inaasar ako na bec of you yun :)) Nagulat din ako kasi kinakausap mko akala ko talaga ikaw yung typical tomboy na masungit and walang pake pero you were so friendly. Okay i am smiling so much rn para akong tanga hahaha naalala ko how cute you were everytime u need help. Kapag inaasar tayo you would smile na parang natutuwa ka pa na ewan lul kinikilig ka na nun noh? HAHAHA pero i was also scared na baka naasar ko so ang tactic ko eh dun ako kay ate Jinky (which is katapat mo) pumupunta. Odiba way ways :)) and u dunno how happy i am na kay tl pi ka napunta alam kong mas madali kita magging close. Pero nahirapan din ako kasi lagi kang tulog huhu. Everytime pupunta ako dun mag bbuild up ako ng courage to chika you and i will pero usually mga 10 mins before matapos lunch nyo nakaka-asar kasi yung 10 mins na yun ang saya mo kausap. You made me feel like you actually want to talk to me. Kaya naman pabalik balik ako sa'yo na medj humirap nung nalipat ka sa labas kasi masyado ng halata. Hahaha. But then yung nag breakfast tayo sa mcdo.. for me that was when it all started. Grabe buong storya ko nakwento ko iba ka! Hahaha. Then yung inuman sa comias. Yung pag invite mo sakin sa team building. Kahit yung mga pag-aaway natin, natatawa ako para tayong mag jowa nga hahaha. Asar ka sakin diba pero asar din ako sa'yo pramis muntik na kitang bitawan nun, nung bigla mo kong sinabihan na wag kitang kausapin. But then ikaw din naman yung nagtext kaya natawa ako. I can't resist you pero it's like you can't resist me more.. sabihin mong hindi babatukan kita! Hahahaha. Alam mo kasi Cheng, kahit ilang beses mong sabihin sakin, even the time na sabi mo you never thought of us as something more? Hay baby believe it all you want pero sabi ko sa'yo, hindi ako magkakaganito if i knew everything was one sided. Nagulat ako swear nung teambldg. Di ko inexpect. Nung nasa movies tayo okay sweet pero yung sa resort.. thinking abt it still makes me feel the butterflies. But I was so scared. So so scared. You know why and we talked abt it, and i'm surprised we actually did. Kung ako lang hahayaan ko nalang maghulaan tayo eh. Hindi nga ako vocal talaga. Pero iba ka. Everything got deeper, more real. I know you are confused rn. I know you are scared. I can't react bec isdk my place. Pero tbh? Uhm, you asked me this that night you kissed me. What do I want? I want you. I really really want you. Be scared with me.. You are someone I want to spend my 2016 and more, with you. The times we are together are always special. Comia's, chicboy, 4th floor, back of the office, elevator, parking, computer shop. Kahit saan pa yan e. There was never a dull moment when I am with you. You are a very special person to me, Chelsea. And I want to let you know that. Cheers for 2016, chicks. :*

#010116 #sea #chicks #longmessage

[jaaasminrose]

Zzzzz. ❤

I do.

I can’t explain the whole thing, but I just found out that I do. I don’t know when, or how. I just do.

I can’t give you reasons. I don’t have one. Not just one anyway.

But all I know is that you are a person I think about every time I do something. Like i’d go to a place and think about how much better it would be if you were there aswell. How it would be 100x better if I was spending that moment with you. Even if it’s just going to the mall, or actually just walking on the streets. You are the person i’d pick to be with. And if something happens aswell, you are now someone I want to first tell it to. I would think “oh she has to know this” or sth like that.

And you.. alam ko ang bilis. We only started really hanging out late October na. Maski ako nagulat. Realtalk yung sinabi kong hindi ako mabilis ma-fall. Mabilis ako magkagusto pero yung masabi kong mahal ko? Iba na yun. Kaya nga I am scared of what I feel aswell..

Naisip ko din yung sinabi mo na, baka dahil lang lagi kasi tayong magkasama at magkausap. Pero hindi eh. Ang tagal mo ng wala. Pero I never felt the distance. Oo siguro lagi nga kasi tayo magkausap. But the effort to just be able to contact you. Alam mo bang hindi ako nag-nininja? Kilala mo na siguro ako. I am a person who follows the rules. Kaya yung mga maliit na bagay na yun, iba na yung dating sakin. And the complicated situation you are in. Jusmio hindi ako ganito. I never ever thought I will be involved with something like this. Not Jasmin Rose. But what I feel for you is something much bigger than I could imagine. Like I said it could be wrong in so many ways but I have never also felt something so right in the world.

I love the way you laugh. You are so girly hahaha. I love it when you get shy. I love the way you take care of others. I love how you are so honest and then secretly suddenly think that you told too much and just go on and ask random questions. I love how you are so genuine and sincere with everything you say. I love it when you make pa-cute and nakaka-asar kasi u are really irresistible. I love it when you pretend that you are in a diet but I see it in you that you really want to eat. I love it when I get you uncomfortable and I love it when I see you get scared that I will see right through you. I love it when you ask for long messages before you sleep because you are the kind of person who wants to start the day right. I love that it's okay for you to get drunk calls/texts. I love that you don’t make promises. I love it when you talk about yourself. It is so rare but whenever you do, it’s like you wanted to say these things for a looong time but is just looking the right person to listen. I love how you get irked whenever you are interrupted whenever telling a story. I love that you are so real and that you have no filters. I love it when you actually take time to listen first before commenting about it. I love it when you are vulnerable, but I know you hate it though. I love it when you get so happy and can’t contain it and can’t get over it agad. I love how you remember every little thing.

Geez. I said I don’t have any but this is a looooong list. And mahaba pa yan. But I don’t to scare you so i’ll stop na. 😂

I do, Tarca. I do.

#122715 #chicks #reasons

[jaaasminrose]

Where are you?

Asan ka na, Tarca? I am so scared right now. You still haven't texted. Still not accepted my friend request. Still blocked in twitter. Ikaw ba 'to? Di ko alam iisipin ko. What did I do? Oo alam ko nagsungit ako kagabi pero naffeel ko it's jot about that. Bigla ka nalang hindi nagreply? That is so not you. Kilala na kita. Kahit sobrang lasing ka nagtetext ka padin. What changed? Fuck. Di ko talaga alaaaaaaam!! Sana kung may problema, sabihan mo ako. Hindi yung ganito. You are being very impulsive again. It's driving me crazy. Anong gusto mong gawin ko? I tried not texting. Pero pucha kalahating araw palang nakakalipas baliw baliw na ko. Ayoko talaga mangulit pramis but nagppanic na ako. What if this is it? What if I lose you? See!!! Dami na tunatakbo sa isip ko ugggghh fuck overthinking. Wala na kong ginagawa kundi matulog just so di ko na maisip 'to. But every waking moment instantly reminds me of you. :( I miss you already. Are you receiving my messages? Zzz. I am so clingy. What can I do. I am falling in love with you.

#122615 #lost #whattodo #sea #chicks

[jaaasminrose]

I don’t know where to start.

Everything’s a blur.

What happened? That’s the question that’s been running through my head all night.

What will happen? Is the question i’m scared af to ask rn.

One things for sure. I know what to do.

I will not text you. I know you are expecting to get a long message from me last night. But I also know that while you are texting me, she was there. I can feel it. You wouldn’t say those things to me.

Today I found out a lot of things. I finally found out what you and Barbie talked about. Is it true? Did you really say those things?

That you were annoyed by my presence. Of how I treated you. How I was just so nice to you so that’s why you were nice to me too. Na since andun na ko sa moment and nahihiya ka nalang sakin because I was so nice, kaya hinayaan mo nalang ako. And that you were also saying these things to others. And if my hunch was right, to Maika.

That was back then though.

I want to believe that everything that happened after team building, was real. Like you said, everything seemed to fall in the right place.

But we were still so wrong.

I was so wrong.

You asked me to take the risk with you, and I did not answer it. And when I was about to, you suddenly realized you don’t want to. You told me that you never thought of me as more than a friend. I was hurt ofc. But then I knew anyway, that it couldn’t be.

We decided to save the friendship. Okay, go. At first I thought it would be impossible. At that time I was thinking of all the ways to avoid you. But you were so cute zzz. And I thought, okay, let’s try this friendship thing. And I believed that we were just friends actually. Just someone enjoying each other’s company.

But then things started getting deeper.

We became each other’s confidante. And trust is a very important thing for me. So if someone gave me that kind of trust, then I believe that I am someone so much more to a person. And you were like that. Nagulat ako actually. I know that you are the type of person who dgaf abt things, yolo lang. Not into serious talks. You were someone who taught me not to take things too seriously, because there are other shit in life that needs more attention.

I felt it. I felt you>.

And do not dare tell me otherwise. I am not that assuming. You are so happy. I make you happy. Legitly happy.

“Tinatamaan nako” I quote. And I believe you are not the kind of person who will tell that with so much sincerity, for someone who just wants to play. Lalo ka na. Ma-pride ka girl eh.

So I believed you. And although I did not know what to do with it, I was just contented of making you happy. And honestly I am not expecting you to do the same for me. I do these things just because I want to, not because I expect you to do it for me aswell.

Siguro tama si Barbie. Baka nga nadadala ka lang. Sa kabaitan ko. Sa kasweetan ko. Kaya gusto mo nalang ibalik, kahit yung totoo ayaw mo naman talaga.

Days, weeks passed. I felt closer. Everything felt deeper. Something happened, your mom came home.. and honestly I did not think you had the guts to tell your mom abt work. Na kakasabi ko lang, sinabi mo nga. That moment I felt that I got through you. You were opening up to me. Yes you, Tarca.

Then came Paskuhan. It was a night to remember. You. Me. Rain. You can rip it out from a Nicholas Sparks story. Everything just felt perfect.

But I know that those moments are just stolen.

I saw the tweets. Yours and hers. I actually panicked. Because you were already lying. Omitting information was one thing, but lying? I don’t want you to do that because then everything would seem really wrong, even if it was already from the start.

But then you were honest when I asked you and that’s one of the things I love about you. You are a person with no filters.

Everything fell back into place again after that. Then came my surprise. For the nth time, I was the happiest seeing you that happy. You were so vulnerable that moment. ❤

We were good. We were both scared, yes. We asked each other if the other wants to do something abt it but then settled to both being happy.

I am sorry.

First, to your girlfriend. I knew that she was existing already but still, I became comfortable with you. I have been on the other side so many times, and I know what it feels like. I can not, and will not blame her. I am so sorry for being a nuisance with your relationship. I am not going to make some lame excuse. I don’t have any. I really really am so sorry.

Tarca..

I am so sorry aswell. If all this gave you unnecessary hurt. I am not and will not be sorry about all the other things though. Everything was genuine. And I am not assuming. But, if I knew that I wasn’t something to you, I might not have done the things i’ve done. I wouldn’t have dared cross the line. You know it. You know what you felt, Chelsea Catherine.

I am not gonna ask you to stay anymore. It is so wrong in so many levels. I just realized. I deserve all the hate your girlfriend is throwing at me right now. The posts. Everything.

And you choosing to leave. You made your choice already. You texting me, being safe and all. Like I said, I know everything. I can see right through you and I know that I actually scare you.

I will never ask you to choose. I’m not in the place to. But also because I would never put a person so special to me, into that kind of pressure.

I’ve told you. People’s happiness, over mine. Si Jasmin yan eh.

I will miss everything about you. Our daily routines. The xlite chats. The payabangan sa benta (although u do know u could never beat me right). I was lonely af last night I was at my old station but I needed it actually bec I was an emotional wreck for like an hour. Ate Jenny was there and ni-realktalk nya na ko! Hahaha. No one would make an effort to wake me up anymore during breaks. And whenever I feel bad during shift, I would miss our 2 bottles that becomes 5 at Comia’s. Our table!! Gosh I will never sit there again. I might not even go back to 4th floor for awhile.

Everything that will remind me of you..

I will miss pasimple hugging you. I will miss how you are so annoyed with that guy who must not be named which btw I heard from Barbie that he is actually evil af. I will miss being a ninja for you. Being slayed at counter by you, playing LoL with you. Chicboy! Making you eat (pero alam ko naman gusto mo talaga kumain) and ruining your so called diet. Yung Bonchon.. hahaha I guess it will never be. The many many endearments. The long messages. Punyeta everything!! Zzzz. ❤ I am so sad right now but I will be strong because you taught me how to. Like I said, you inspire me to be a better person, and to make wiser decisions. And mostly make me realize that shit happens, and nobody’s perfect but atleast we get to learn from it.

I want to tell you a lot of things. Make kwento abt my everyday life. I just found out that I might be transferred to team Ervin. Hay. Hopefully not. You are one of my bestfriends. In a short span of time, you already came to know half my life. More than what my friends for years even know of. It’s because you ask the right questions. And I will always love that about you so don’t change baby girl.

You are a very remarkable person, Chelsea Catherine Tarca, and I will never forget you.

I hope that all will be fine with you. Mag aral kang mabuti! Make the right decisions. Learn from mistakes. You are already responsible. Sometimes you just need a little push. Continue having fun but also be careful and know the limits. Learn to forgive aswell. From what I have experienced, always, always make the most out of everything because you will never know if you will have the chance again. And if you do, then grab it and better not let go.

Do not let anyone hurt you. Anyone. I am mad as hell when I learned. But you know what you should do. And you know what not to do aswell. I believe in you. I have faith in you.

This is as far as I go. This is the best I can reach. The last stretch.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I have never told you those 3 words. Not in text, not in writing. I wanted to tell you that night, in the rain. But I felt like the timing wasn’t right. And I was right. And until now, it is still not right. Not now.

Like you, i’ve never had any regrets with you, except maybe making you feel like you had to repay me or be pressured by me.

I will miss everything, chicks.

You will always be my sugar plum.

—pogi

#122215 #sugarplum #chicks #threewordseightletters

[jaaasminrose]

I lied.

I lied.

Yes. I did.

I had to do the right thing. I have to. Kasi hindi pwede. Kasi hindi ka pwede.

Tbh though I did think that it was not serious at all. That I wasn’t that serious yet. I mean, I wanted to. But the feels weren’t the same as I had before. Hay, comparing. I know, very wrong. But deep inside I know I just did that just so that I can try, try, to save myself. Because I know you and I will not work. Not k now. Call it reservations.

But then you asked me if i’m willing to take the risk with you. And that’s how I knew.. that yes. I would be more than willing to. I’d actually forget to be the good girl, just to be with you. And get that tiniest chance that maybe, maybe in this unexpected story, we could actually be right for each other.

But no. I know what to do. What i’ve always been doing. Give up my own happiness, pretend I don’t care as much, just as long as the people involved will not get hurt. Especially not you.

Because..

I do.

I care for you.

I like you.

I’m falling inlove with you.

You with the cute smile. You with the lovely laugh. You with your super sweet persona. You with the great stories You who’s super moody. You who’s nice, hyper, and very adorkable.

You who makes me happy. You who makes the bad things go away. You who listens. You who sincerely asks. You who really cares. You who’s been always there for me, since day one. You who kissed me that night and woke up the butterflies I thought died. You who made my heart beat this fast again.

I’m in big trouble. Because I really am falling. Fast. Hard.

I’m falling for you, Chelsea Catherine Tarca.

Actually.

I think I already did.

#120515 #sea #falling #heartbeats #chicks

[jaaasminrose]

Baby

Sobrang mahal pa din kita. Kahit ilang buwan na ang nakakalipas.

Ramdam na ramdam ko padin lahat.

#honey #100715

[jaaasminrose]

When will it stop?

When will I stop crying? When will these tears stop falling. For the longest time, i've been telling myself, i'll be okay. That i'll take all the hurt I get because I know in my heart that i'll be okay. But now i'm losing hope... I think what I did was too much. I loved too much and now, I don't know how to be okay. I want to believe that i'll be okay. And there are days that I do feel okay. But then there would be moments like this that i'll break down again. And I just thought... i'm so tired if being okay Sobra kitang mahal Sheila Mae. Pero kailangan ko isipin na ginagawa ko lahat ng ito para sa'yo. Para sa kalayaan mo. Kung alam mo lang kung gano ko gusto ayusin, mula ng nalaman ko na pwede pa. Sinasabing mong hindi pero naniniwala ako na pwede pa, at ayaw mo lang. Sobrang sakit. Kasi bakit ? Bakit hindi pwede?! Kung gugustuhin natin pareho, kaya. Kaya naman eh. Pero maski subukan hindi mo ginawa. Lahat sila hon. Lahat sila binigyan mo ng chance ulit. Pinili mong bigyan ng chance. Pero sinabay sabay mo sila. Out of all of us, I was the only one you never picked. And yet.. I was the only one you chose. Chose to let go of. A love not enough to keep, but enough to protect from yourself. I want to get mad at you. Because you don't even want to try. Sobrang taas ng tingin mo sakin na lagi mong sinasabing hindi mo ko deserve. Na feeling mo napakahirap kong maabot. Na ang layo ko sa'yo. Kaya ngayon hindi ko alam kung magagalit ako sasarili ko at yun ang naparamdam ko sa'yo. Hon, ikaw yung mahal ko. Ikaw lang. Ikaw lang yung gusto kong mahalin. Alam kong hindi pa huli ang lahat. Alam kong napakatanga ng sasabihin ko ngayon pero.. mag aantay ako.. I love you.

#honey #090815 #illwait #iloveyou

[jaaasminrose]

Hi. So i'm back. I thought of changing the name so that no one could read this again but whattheheck it's my blog. By. Sobrang miss na miss na kita. Di ko alam. Sobrang sakit lang ng mga nangyayari. Naasar ka na ba sakin? Nakukulitan? Masyado ko na ba pinipilit? Sabihan mo naman ako. Gusto ata kasi ng puso ko, sa'yo pa manggagaling mismo. Pasensya ka na sobrang hina ko. Pinipilit ko. Pinipilit kong maging malakas. Pinipilit kong kayanin. Baka sakali kasi, mas okay yung ganun sa'yo. Na kapag nakita mong matatag ako, dun ka bumalik. Shet. Bakit ka babalik? Akin ka. Hindi ka naman umalis. Diba? Hon grabe. Nararamdaman ko ngayon yung desperada feels. Bakit ganun? Bakit humantong sa ganito? Ano ako ngayon sa'yo? Ano ta'yo? Sobrang takot na takot ako tanungin yan sa'yo. Kaso sa totoo lang magulo ka din. Anjan ka, mawawala ka. Hindi ko na alam. Ako naman si tanga, umaasa. Alam mo ba hon, nasabi ko na sa iba na hindi na tayo. Yun yung lasing ako. Sobrang sakit. Kasi alam ko iba na tingin nila sating dalawa mula noon. Alam mo ba kung bakit hindi ko sinasabi sakanila yun? Oo hindi ko rin naman talaga kasi sure. Pero hindi ko ginagawa 'to para isalba ang sarili ko. Hindi ko sinasabi kasi alam ko nga, mag iiba ang tingin nila sa'yo. Yung bilang na tao na nakaka-alam, sinabihan ko na wag kang kukulitin tungkol dun. Kasi ayaw mo yun eh. Ayokong isipin mo na wala kang kakampi sa office. Hindi ko gagawin yun sa'yo. Hindi ko alam yung ginagawa ko ngayon. Sobrang kapit. Siguro hihinto lang ako kapag kusa nalang ako nalaglag. Yung sobrang sakit na laglag. Wala pa kasi 'to eh. Kayang kaya pa 'to. Ang tigas ko lang diba? Hay. Pasensya ka na. Pakiramdam ko ngayon, kasama nalang ako sa mga babaeng naging ganito din ang parte sa buhay mo. Yung mga nilayo mo sa akin noon. Pero kasi sabi mo hindi rin magtatagal yan. Hon pinanghahawakan ko po yung sinabi mo na yun. Kaya oo, andito pa ako, nakakapit. Mahal na mahal kita. Mga salitang hindi ko mabigkas bigkas, sa takot na hindi ko marinig mula sa'yo...

#072815 #honey #depressed #holdingon

[jaaasminrose]

Will do.

Will do po. Rest kana. Halaaaaaa. Nag pm sya. Diba dinelete ko naaa? Don't tell me nakita pa nya...... Yung totoo 😢😢😢

#070615 #honey #regrets

[jaaasminrose]

Yan yung sinend ko. Tumawag ako sa'yo kanina bago ko i-send yan. Busy ka ata. Basta sabi ko sorry and I love you. Nung narinig ko boses mo parang okay ka lang. Kaya eto ako ngayon, umaasa na baka pwede pa ibalik ang lahat. Baka naman pwede pa..... :(

#079515 #bakapwedepa

[jaaasminrose]

Binawi ko

Yes, binawi ko. Dinelete ko na yung message ko. Hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko talaga kaya! Gulong gulo na ko. Bakit. Bakit kasi ganito yung nangyari. Bakit umabot sa ganito. Bakit??????

#070515 #deleted #confusedasfuck