kingyu97

[kingyu97]

a letter to you

a/n: this was written an hour ago, raw & unedited. no it's not a fanfic, but i guess if you want to you can read it that way. i've been wanting to come back and put out content, but this is all i could write for now. this is really really raw. i hope yall enjoy it. this letter is to the one i love.

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15th July 2020

I miss you. I truly do. It's almost a year now since we broke up. Technically we didn’t break up. Were we even together? No, I don't think so. The first time you asked me to be your girlfriend was a few weeks into our dating days, i wasn’t ready-- no, i was scared. Because what if you leave? Everyone leaves in the end.

It contradicts my thoughts though. I told myself that I will take a risk for you. I will risk it all, just for you. Because you were- still is- worth it. But I was too much of a coward. Even when i realised that i was- still is- in love with you, i didn't mention anything. I hope you knew though, I hope you knew through my actions that i loved you a lot. So much that I was terrified.

Anyways, you told me that you’d ask again in a month or two, but you didn’t. I guess we didn’t have the time.

You told me you loved me and I believed you. I believed you because you show me often enough. But I didn't say it back. I never did. I never did till it was too late. I told you I love you after it ended, i don't know what i was trying to achieve.

Perhaps, I was trying to get you to stay, but my efforts were in vain. You didn’t come back, you never did.

Maybe your love just wasn’t enough for you to stay. Or I wasn’t enough or maybe I was too much for you. But it's been a year and I should be way past all the maybes.

Thing is, I miss you. Way more than you could ever imagine. I don’t miss you the way I used to though. It used to be in smaller, calmer waves. I missed you every day, every minute, and every second of my life- and it didn’t help that you visited my dreams often.

It comes in different kinds of waves now. It's no longer the calm ones i was used to, it doesn't come as often but it still hurts. The waves are huge and inconsistent, like I am stuck in the middle of the ocean during a storm.

And frankly, i don't know what to do about it.

What do I do? You told me many times that you don’t love me anymore, so why the fuck am I still here?

Our love story was a horror story in my opinion. The cliche ones where the girl opens the door and gets herself killed. I’m the girl and you’re the door I'm not supposed to open. But it's the type of horror movies I’d watch over and over no matter how crappy it is. Just like Annabelle, god i hate that movie. But i watch it over and over again because it reminds me of you.

And I don't ever want to forget you. I don't ever want to forget our love story. Maybe one day i’ll write about our love story.

Did you know? That you were my first real love. Perhaps that's why it still hurts even after a long time. People ask me what I see in you, and baby, I saw the most beautiful soul in a handsome man’s body. I know that's cliche and cheesy, but it's the truth.

When people ask me about you, about how you are as a person, I’d always reply with “he’s a sweetheart, the biggest that I know.”

You make yourself appear like this heartless human being who can’t give no shit about anything, but you do. You have one of the biggest hearts I've seen. You don’t know how to, but you often do your best to take care of others. The methods you use are frankly quite questionable, but it’s just you. You have troubles expressing yourself and the care you have for others. And i don’t put it against you, you were doing the best that you could.

You’re the kind of person I was willing to take risks for. I don't take risks for people. I don't see it worth my time, but you were. I wanted to give you my heart- the one i spent years caring for- and i didnt even care what you would do with it. I wanted to risk it all for you because that's the kind of person you are. The kind I'd take all kinds of risks for.

And lastly, you’re the “better” everyone speaks of. You were the best. The best anyone could ever ask for. I wish I could explain more but that is it. You are the better and the best.

When we met, I was embarking on a new journey. I was retaking my Cambridge level exam, I left the industry that I loved, and I was trying to find myself. I was trying to heal myself. Maybe that added to one of the many maybe factors of us separating.

I depended on you a little too much for so many things- my happiness and mental stability. That’s a lot to depend on. And I'm sorry about it. I really am.

But I believe that God placed you in my life in that point of time for a reason. Whatever the reason it may be, I do not know. I have a few ideas, but I don't know why God chose you. But you helped me a lot, you taught me so many things. You showed me that I am actually capable of love, that I could actually be genuinely happy.

I’m glad- no, i’m grateful- that you came. Because the world became a more beautiful place to be with you in it. I’ve learned and realised a lot, and that just adds to the list of reasons why i love you.

You see, I could list out all these beautiful reasons as to why I love you, but it will all just boil down to because it's you. I fell in love with you.

Our time together makes me wonder, quite often, if the right person, wrong timing exists. I spent the past year praying that it does. And I know that it’s unhealthy, but it’s what has been keeping me going the past year. It’s how I look forward to the future because I want to know.

But lately I’ve been living for myself. I want to know how I’ll turn out in the future. I still want to know if you’d come back to me, of course I do. I think I always will. Just like how I think I'll always love you. Maybe you won’t have my entire heart forever, but you will always have a piece of it.

I used to hate thinking about it that way, because I hate the idea of starting over with someone new. But I realised that I need to let it go to be able to peacefully move on. I don't want to, I really don't. But I want to live in peace.

It’s time I take the learning points from our time together to actual use. I’ll focus on myself, and you’ll focus on you. Maybe in a couple of years when you’re done with your enlistment, and i’m ready to move abroad for my remaining college years, i’ll hit you up.

One last time, for old time’s sake.

I just want you to know that I love you. Always and forever.

#personal #seventeen writings #seventeen angst #svt writings #seventeen #svt #angst

[kingyu97]

so uh, i um, i'm back?

#fee says what #i forgot how tumblr even works now

[kingyu97]

Logging back into tumblr

[kingyu97]

if you enter your url on this website it’ll show you if you have content that tumblr could potentially delete your blog for

[kingyu97]

This is the most maknae he’s ever looked…

+ bonus: How did they manage to dwarf him?

#he look so soft :( #and so good #look at his parents #aahhhhhh #mum i love him

[kingyu97]

can someone please tell me where this is from :(

gyu finally receiving his long-awaited praises

#mum i love him

[kingyu97]

180720 Seventeen Mingyu at Fansigning Event in CTS © coeur do not edit, crop, or remove the watermark

#mum i love him

[kingyu97]

...hi

WARNING: may trigger negative emotions and self-harm, mentions of death, suicide & mental illness

DISCLAIMER: I may or may not have ranted a bit so things may get a bit explicit and this is unedited

ok so. hi. explanation to as why I've been missing for months and I didn’t even post any one-year anniversary fic or appreciation. (this post might get lengthy so um yeah feel free to just skip it)

first of all, I’m sorry for not giving any notice or life update and just ghosted.

there are many reasons as to why I wasn’t around but the ones that really played a part was I suffered the longest writer’s block and my mental & emotional health was a disaster.

my writer’s block got so bad and my mental health was affected by it seeing as writing was my way of escaping. I was beating myself up day and night as to why can’t I complete a work that’s almost finished. At the same time, things weren’t looking so good for me back at home, school, and just literally life, in general, weren’t going well.

I lost so many loved ones in such a short period of time, I remember dreading waking up in fear of another news that we lost another loved one. I went to too many funerals that I even lost count. I almost lost my best friend to suicide and I can’t even be there because she’s thousands of miles away.

so many things were happening and I just, I don’t intend on tolerating my writer’s block. it can throw a tantrum as much as it likes but I am just not having it. hence, why I have been missing and off Tumblr.

I kept myself busy during the months I’ve been missing and focused on self-recovery as much as I can. now, I’m not posting this for attention or pity, I just want to explain and get a few things off my chest.

I am getting better as the days go by and currently I am as okay as I can be. I’m trying my best to continue where I left off in term of writing, and I really hope yall will still be here when I have something to post. I miss yall so much, and I miss getting messages from yall in my ask, I miss randomly getting tagged by yall. update me on your life if you’d like please!!

#fee personal

[kingyu97]

I wish exo would say fuck it and promote themselves like . I need some sparks I need some magic I feel like I’ve been married to exo and the marriage is going downhill like we say good morning and good night but no “I love yous” we just eat dinner in silence and we sleep in the same bed but we don’t make love anymore like I wouldn’t divorce exo but this relationship is just not the same

[kingyu97]

I bet Coups would know you’re sad before you even tell him

[kingyu97]

hey guys im curious, tag yall’s star sign, hogwarts house, and what you’re currently studying/wish to study. I’ll start I’m libra, a Ravenclaw, and I study Performing Arts.

#taurus #ravenclaw #film or script writing #the arts too tbh

[kingyu97]

Someone: I’d love to read some of your writing some time

Me, who never gets anything finished:

[kingyu97]

i just came back from camp and started making lock screens, I might be posting them on another account. enough about me, how are y'all!!!!

#i met this guy during camp #he was so cute #and he made my heart flutter so much #and im just -- #wow i cant stop thinking about the heart fluttering moment #fee rambles

[kingyu97]

Do you see that? Looks like a joke image, right? Well, it isn’t.

This happens in Venezuela. It looks like nobody knows how is our crisis, because I’ve talked with a lot of people (Americans, French, Canadian and even Mexican people) who really don’t know what is happening.

I’ll explain the imagen.

In Venezuela, we haven’t medicines, even in the hospitals. This is because a patient with hypoglycemia is being attended in this way, because the hospital don’t have dextrose for the people. This is happening in Caracas, Venezuela’s capital. But not only in Caracas, is confirmed that in Maracaibo too, and who know where too.

Another cases:

“I take prednisone for animals because I can’t found it anywhere and it helps me, isn’t logic, but our health can’t wait”

“Confirmed, I’m medic performing in so many decadency. We even’t have privates places for dextrose for decompensated diabetics and believe me I could write for hours about so many that I’ve lived in the middle of this catastrophic crisis, where personally I’ve take with me a hurted pacient behind of a 350 because we haven’t ambulances, where we haven’t gloves for protect ourselves and a lot of  things like that, this is the reality…. It must be give “ORALLY” because the drink is rich in glucose (Sugar) for these pacients this imagen showes [She means the soda imagen] how is conected to a micromanager where it doesn’t looks very good… But it’s valid by an OROGASTRIC probe. As a heroic way, becase like we know “It’s incorrect”.

I even can give my own testomony. My mom is sick, and she must work everyday, I can’t help her because my leg is broken, and my brother must help his own family. She’s in pain everyday, and the money is too hard to found. If there’s money, but there’s no medicine. And, if there’s medicine, there’s no money, because all the treatments are very expensive, like everything, for our inflation on the 1600%.

Please, help us.

[kingyu97]

hello!! how is everyone? i hope something good happens today 💓 anyways, the weather varies from places to places but i just wanna remind you to drink water and stay hydrated!! to those of you who dont drink water at all and just end up dehydrated, pls just drink any beverage (not alcohol and sea water). they'll hydrate you. of course, water would be the best choice. take care of yourself pls !!!

(i created stan twt, feel free to follow!!)

#fee appreciates #pls drink water #hydrate urself #aLSO THE AMOUNT OF THINGS HAPPENING ON STAN TWT IS CRAZY #IM -- #IDK HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS #ITS OVERWHELMING

[kingyu97]

me: sees wonwoo smile

also me: i think i just fell in love

#youre wrong #this is relevant everyday

[kingyu97]

180801 Jeonghan’s “Warm cup of milk” broadcast highlights~

he met his parents and sister yesterday~ he actually called his dad up for a meal but his mum and sister tagged along!

the other members didn’t name their airpods, only he named his “jjong jjong’s airpods”, he repeated his airpods story again HAHAH

he talked about shua hitting him, they monitored their footage after rehearsal and everyone laughed at him~

he has no plans on having an instagram account since he doesn’t think that he’ll manage it well

current hobbies? reading webtoons on his handphone :D he’s been reading since middle school 2nd grade so he usually just lies down and read webtoons~

he won his single room using “rock”

he was about to talk about their webtoon song “Eighteen” but the staff told him that he couldn’t say anything yet HAHAH

the hairstyle he wants to try is not from a naver webtoon but he won’t say which~

even though he doesn’t usually like perfumes, the saem one is good :D

since minhyuk misses jeonghan’s long hair, he’ll have long hair together with minhyuk next time HAHA.

jeonghan saves all the members in his phone as 17 XXX (e.g 17 s.coups, 17 joshua)

he doesn’t really eat ice cream so he can’t choose a favorite flavor~

his handphone backgroud: an airport photo of him from a while back with a mask on, he cropped it such that it only shows up till the mask (??), he was in a white hoodie

HE WANTED TO EXPLAIN WHY HE CALLS JOSH JOSHUJI BUT JOSHUA DIDN’T GIVE HIM PERMISSION TO SAY IT

#gOD DAMNIT JOSHUA #the biggest mystery of kpop: why does jeonghan call joshua joshuji #thats all we wanna know my dude #hannie