livingthroughletters

[livingthroughletters]

A Funeral for a Friend: Three years too late

I should have called when you didn’t show up. But I didn’t. I should have gone looking for you, but I didn’t. I should have and I didn’t. The last we spoke was after Thanksgiving before Christmas. We laughed so hard, we were in tears. Though you were in Texas and I was in New York, when you called, we picked up where we left off. You said, “That’s how you know it’s real.” I laughed. We reminisced and made promises we’d meet up. 

You didn’t call. I didn’t pause. Life moved on. I didn’t know that the reason you didn’t call was because you died. And three years later, I just found out. 

This hurts. 

I can’t stop these tears. And I can’t change you’re gone. These days are a bit intense because, I never got to tell you how much your friendship meant to me. Through it all, you saw the beauty in me, I failed to see. When I thought no one saw me, you saw me. When I was ready to call it quits you pushed me harder. 

Finding out you’re gone, broke my heart. 

I didn’t get a call. 

No one broke the news. 

I didn’t cry at your wake.

I didn’t wear black at your funeral. 

There were no flowers from me.

I didn’t say goodbye.

And it was the end of fruit salad and ice cream nights. Late night walks are now a memory. Remember when one of us couldn’t sleep? I use to text you “You up?” and without a reply or hesitation you’d be on your way so we could walk through UNCW campus or even drive down the shore to feel the cool water between our toes. And just when I felt like I wasn’t going to be ok... You were my shining star — a light of hope on those dark nights. You told me to never stop dreaming. Remember the little poems? You said I was going to be a famous writer. You were my first fan. 

We were inseparable. 

I thought we had time.

But there was no time.  

You were supposed to help me get over my motorcycle fears. We were supposed to ride through the Port City to Myrtle Beach for the day. We were supposed to watch the sunrise like we use to when we broke nights on Wrightsville Beach. 

Just one more drink for old time’s sake. 

Because you promised that no matter where life took you, you’d always find a way to me. Because you said we’d alway be friends.

I miss you my friend. I’m sorry we never got to see the sunrise together. 

I’ll miss you forever Armand Cornell. Rest in Peace July 16, 1981-Dec. 7, 2015

-Nadya Nataly

#RIP DearFriend gonenotforgotten

[livingthroughletters]

Little notes: I still think of you

I still cry when certain songs come on. I don’t know how to explain it either. So much happened over the last few years. I never would have imagined we’d be living separated. There’s a part of me that knows I have to keep moving forward. It gets better everyday. It’s the little moments — the memories and the nostalgic feelings that still linger — that make it difficult to forget. I don’t think I know or have ever met any other man who’s loved me like you. 

How is it possible I’ve kissed the love of my life, but he’s gone? 

I can’t seem to stop loving him even if I ignore it.

Tomorrow will be better. 

Every day gets easier. 

-Nadya Nataly

#unconditionallove #random #itsover

[livingthroughletters]

Wasted Time

I just thought about all the time I wasted... "Hey man, I want a refund. I know better now. I'd go back to the day before and make sure I reroute myself to spare this b.s."

#random #thoughts #listening to music

[livingthroughletters]

Social media stories are apart of everyday interactions. Frances Cuomo Perpero has been using Facebook to share with Long Islanders the latest happenings @cradleofaviation How are you telling stories on #socialmedia #industrypro https://goo.gl/K8edA2 (at Cradle of Aviation Museum)

#socialmedia #industrypro

[livingthroughletters]

#so it goes #joe #soicanhaveyouback #you broke my heart

[livingthroughletters]

Happy birthday @carvomusic!!! #oct11 #HAPPYBIRTHDAY #FO #focused #producerlife #studiosession 🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🍾🥂🥂🥂🍻🍻🍻 (at New York, New York)

#studiosession #producerlife #oct11 #fo #happybirthday #focused

[livingthroughletters]

Woke up embracing the Goddess in me. #maferefunlasdosaguas 💙💛💙💛💙💛💙💛💙💛💙💙

#maferefunlasdosaguas

[livingthroughletters]

So excited to see my guys!! #nyc #hiphop (at New York, New York)

#hiphop #nyc

[livingthroughletters]

#onaboat #eveningboatride #NY #journalistlife

#journalistlife #onaboat #eveningboatride #ny

[livingthroughletters]

Never thought that I'd see the day... Where we almost cross the line between love and hate.

Tank, Heartbreaker

#tank #heartbreaker #musiclover #sometimes you just have to cry

[livingthroughletters]

#hellyeah (at Webster Hall)

#hellyeah

[livingthroughletters]

Vacant Front Seat

I am packing my bags. Once again, I find myself heading into a new adventure, with a vacant front seat - you are not here. I listen to sad love songs because in this new journey, I leave you behind.

This hurts. 

I admit. I know there were days I was wrong, but there were days you were wrong too. I grew impatient with being patient. I cried in my hands more nights than you came home. I felt wronged, so I left. Leaving you was one of the hardest things I ever did in my life and though I left, I loved you still.

Sometimes a single tear escapes my eyes like a tiny sigh from my heart. The knots in my throat stop my breathing for a moment, while my trembling fingers nervously tangle into my curls, carefully twiddling hair on my right index. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and remember I need to be brave. 

Today, I boxed our memories and left them on the curb. Returning to the idling car, I take a deep breath and drive forward. With every mile, I am further away from you. Putting these miles behind me without you makes my heart heavy. 

You will be mere memory. What will be left are phones with wrong numbers. There will be no missed calls or texts to reply. Just the sound of your own voice crying out my name - wishing my head was on your chest while you tenderly twirl my brown curls through your fingers.

Tomorrow I will unpack my suitcases and hang new memories on my walls. I will meet new people. I will hold new hands. I will kiss new lips. I will laugh at new jokes. I will live - without you.

I know you love me - still. And as I pen these words, you love me now.

Your actions and words killed what was left of my love for you, that’s why I left.

-Nadya Nataly

#movingon NYC creativewriting shortnarrative #dear lettersIneverdelivered #personal essay

[livingthroughletters]

“Don’t act like you’re not impressed.” — Ron Burgundy #HugANewspersonDay Shout out to all of the journalist trying to meet deadlines! #hugs (at New York, New York)

#hugs #huganewspersonday

[livingthroughletters]

#MARCHMADNESSFREESTYLES @_cambanks #finalfour #NYC #unctarheels (at New York, New York)

#nyc #marchmadnessfreestyles #unctarheels #finalfour

[livingthroughletters]

Just in time! #finalfour #MARCHMADNESSFREESTYLES #unctarheels #NYC #NJ (at New York, New York)

#nyc #unctarheels #finalfour #marchmadnessfreestyles #nj

[livingthroughletters]

Studio Session Sundays with engineer/producer extraordinaire @carvomusic #hiphop #studioengineering #hiphop (at New York, New York)

#hiphop #studioengineering

[livingthroughletters]

#wellthatescalatedquickly #lol

#lol #wellthatescalatedquickly