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meganwritesfanfics · 27 days

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Fresh Bruises (Josh Lyman x Reader) Part 10

Y/N couldn’t believe that any of this was happening. She sat on the cool tile floor of the bathroom, her head leaning over the toilet as she vomited what little contents she had left in her stomach. She had been drinking the night before, of course, but not enough that she was hungover, and she prayed that this wasn’t the flu or something like that. But she also thought of another option that could be causing this sickness.

“Y/N,” A voice called as they knocked on the bathroom door.

“Come in,” Y/N groaned.

Donna popped in, her hair and makeup already partially done. “I got the stuff,” She said as she set the plastic bag on the counter. “How are you doing?”

“I’m ok,” Y/N said as she slowly got up and splashed some water on her face.

“And you’re sure this isn’t just some wedding day jitters.” Donna asked as she gently rubbed her back.

A smile spread across Y/N’s face. She couldn’t believe the day had finally come, after months of planning today was the day that she finally married Josh. And now there was a possibility of more excitement.

“No, this is, this is different.” Y/N said as she pulled out a Pedialyte and a pregnancy test.

“Y/N, hun, you gotta hurry up, you still need to get your hair and makeup done.” CJ called.

“I’ll be right out.” Y/N called as she turned to Donna.

“Are you going to be ok?”

“Yeah, of course Donna,” Y/N replied as she started to take the test out of the box.

“Y/N,” Donna said as she reached out and grabbed Y/N’s hand. “Are you going to be ok if this come back negative, I don’t want this to ruin your day.”

Y/N smiled sadly. “I am anticipating it is going to be negative, I mostly just want to double check to make sure I’m not getting Josh sick. I don’t want you to have to take on any more of his work that you already do.”

“Ok, I’ll just be right outside.” Donna said as she closed the door behind her.

“It’s going to be negative, it is going to be negative.” Y/N kept telling herself as she waited for the test. She needed to keep her expectations low or it would end up ruining her day. That was why, when the test came back looking positive, she had to keep staring at it.

“Donna!” She called “CJ, Ainsley!”

All of the girls burst in, dressed in their bridesmaids dresses. “What’s wrong?” CJ asked.

“It’s positive, I mean look at this that is positive right.” Y/N exclaimed tears in her eyes.

All of them looked at the test before screaming and hugging Y/N tightly.

“Oh my god! This is so beautiful.” Ainsley said.

“This can’t be real.” Y/N said her hands shaking as she still had the dance.

“Well, it is and while this is all very exciting, we have even more excitement that we are going to be late for if we do not get your hair and make up started.” Donna said as she started as she ushered Y/N out in the hotel room to get ready.

“You know Claudia is a really great name for a baby.” CJ said causing everyone to laugh.

****

Y/N stood in front of the mirror, taking in her appearance. Her dress had off the shoulder straps that hugged her arms as it went into a flower patterned bodice that went into a large princess skirt. Her hair was pinned up with a dark blue comb that Abby Bartlet had lent to her for her something borrowed and something blue. On her wrist she wore a bracelet that Josh’s mother had given to her one christmas, it had been in Josh’s family for generations and it was her something old. For her something new it was something that no one would see but herself and Josh. The new lingerie wore was something she had bought especially for this day.

“Y/N you look so beautiful,” Donna replied tears in her eyes.

“Donna you can’t already be crying, you are going to make me cry.” Y/N replied and CJ quickly handed Y/N a tissue to dab her eyes.

“Josh and you have been through so much, I just can’t believe we are here, and I can’t believe you are pregnant.”

Y/N felt her breath his in her throat as the tears started to well up in her eyes. All she could think about was telling Josh that she was pregnant, she could just imagine the look on his face. And in that moment she could picture their future together with their new family.

“I love you all so much, that you all for being there for me and Josh. You are our family and I am so happy you are all here to share this moment with me.”

All of them hugged again, when there was a knock on the door.

“Alright Y/N, it’s time.” Her wedding planner said and Y/N took a deep breath her stomach filling with butterflies.

“You got this,” CJ smiled as she handed Y/N her bouquet that was filled with white and dark blue flowers that matched the bridesmaid dresses.

As they made their way through the hotel and past their reception area, Y/N really took in the awe of the location and decoration. When Josh had told her they had booked the Hay-Adams hotel for their wedding and reception, she couldn’t believe it. Every since they had first gotten engaged, Y/n had mentioned that her dream location to get married but she had knew how hard it was to get booked. And Ceilia had been amazing with helping her find a wedding planner and helping with some of the homemade decorations. It was the wedding of her dreams. Of course when she was younger she hadn’t imagined that there would be secret service agents at her wedding.

“You look beautiful,” Bartlet said as she appeared near the doors.

“Thank you so much.” She beamed as he held out his arm for her. When thinking about who she wanted to walk her down the aisle, the only person she could think of was the man who had become like a father to both her and Josh. She knew it took some major negotiating with the secret service and she couldn’t be more grateful that it worked out.

“I am so happy for the both of you. You two truly are made for one another.”

“Thank you sir, and thank you for everything you have done for Josh and I. We owe you so much.”

“You don’t owe me a thing, I care about you both deeply, and I want to make sure you are well taken care of.”

He pulled her in for a hug, just as she could hear the music start for her entrance. She had picked the song At Last by Etta James for her entrance, it felt appropriate.

“Are you ready for this?” Bartlet said.

“I’ve never been more ready for anything in my life.” She smiled.

Bartlet nodded and the two secret service agents opened the door.

Her nerves were going crazy when she saw all the people looking back at her, but the minute she locked eyes on Josh all her nervousness went away.

Josh felt his heart skip when he saw Y/N. Instantly this eyes were flooded with tears. He couldn’t express how beautiful she looked and how grateful he was that they had made it to this moment.

“Hi,” Josh whispered as Bartlet handed Y/N off to him.

“Hi Lemon, you look very handsome.” She smiled as she took in his appearance. The man wore suits every day, but some how as he stood in front of her in his dark blue suit, she had never been more attracted to him.

“Let’s get married.” He smiled.

“Let’s do it.”

Josh had asked Leo to officiate the wedding ceremony and Leo did a beautiful job adding in funny stories about the couple. The two had also written their own vows, Josh’s were emotional and funny but full of heart. Y/N’s were powerful and tear jerking but with a lot of humor as well. And before the couple knew it, Leo said the magical words,

“I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now kiss the bride.”

Josh didnt hesitate as he pulled Y/N in for a kiss as the entire room errupted in applause.

“I love you so much Y/N.” He said kissing her again.

“I love you Josh.”

The wedding photos went by in a blur, all Y/N could think about was trying to find the right time to tell Josh. They were just constantly surrounded by people and all she wanted was a moment alone with him to tell him. So when they finally got called out to do their first chance she knew this was her best chance.

The song that Josh and Y/N picked was Crazy Love by Van Morrison, and as they swayed to the lyrics Y/N could feel herself tearing up.

“Mrs Lyman, what are you thinking about.” He asked.

“I have a surprise for you.” She smiled.

“I don’t need anything, I have everything I need right herel.”

“Well, you might need to make room in your heart for someone else.”

Josh looked at her confused. Suddenly she watched his face brighten as it clicked.

“Are you serious?” He asked his voice cracking.

Y/N nodded with a giant smile on her face.

“Oh my god!” Josh gasped as he pulled Y/N into his arms tightly. “We are going to have a baby.”

“We are going to have a baby.” She said and at that moment Y/N felt that she could never be more happy in her whole life.

#josh lyman x reader #josh lyman #west wing #imagine #fanfiction

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meganwritesfanfics · 1 month

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I love this so much!

Two idiots in love.

Joel Miller x anemic!reader

Summary: Ellie notices the two lovebirds, and decides to ask Joel about it after the reader falls asleep.

Words: 1,584

Warnings: talk of death, anemia, mutual pining, cursing, Ellie being a shithead as always...

Author's note: The way I write about this man all day long but none of the fics go together 😦

Part 2!!!

Masterlist

.......................................................................................

Joel decided to set up camp for the night, only outside of Boston by 10 miles.

Tess had just died, and things were still tender between Joel, Y/N, and Ellie.

Tess was Y/N’s older sister, and she looked up to her more than anyone.

And so did Joel.

Tess was their rock. Their steady hand in hard times. And she was gone.

But at least Joel and Y/N had each other.

They had been in an awkward “Are they? Aren’t they?” Situation for the past two years.

They liked each other, that much was clear by the stolen glances and small smiles they gave one another. But they hesitated.

They didn’t want to invest too much in each other just to watch the other die in front of them.

So, they remained friends.

Friends that like each other a lot.

And Ellie noticed it too.

She saw the way the two “friends” would share food. His hand was always placed on her waist or shoulder. Her eyes always flickered to him in a situation.

She knew they loved each other.

Y/N sat her pack down, her body sore. She sat down, leaning back against the trunk of a tree.

Joel immediately took notice of her exhausted behavior, “Hey.”

She looked up, her voice soft, “…what?”

He kneels down next to her, “…you alright? Not… hurt or nothing?”

She pulls up her sleeve, revealing a nasty bruised where an infected had grabbed her.

He immediately pulled her arm in front of him, studying it.

“I’m fine…really. Just a bruise….”

His thumb grazes over her forearm lightly, his mind wandering a million miles an hour.

But that mind stilled when she spoke again, “…you alright, Joel?”

He nods, “Yeah. Fine.”

She takes that as an answer, studying the frown lines in his face with a smile of her own. She couldn’t help but like the older man. How kind he was to her. The caring touch he always gave her. She always felt her heart jump when he’d give her a soft look after practically murdering someone in front of her. In a way, it was… sweet.

Ellie had a shit eating grin on her face, watching the exchange with a careful eye.

If Joel noticed, he didn’t care enough to comment, his worry focused on the woman in front of him. “You take your meds?”

She sighed, her shoulders falling slightly, “…no.”

His eyes hardened, “Take them.”

A small smile came to her lips, “…Joel…”

“I fucking mean it. Take them. Now.”

Her smile fell, realizing how serious he had become. Her eyes watched the micro-expressions in his face change too.

She pushed herself up slightly with a huff. She pulled her pack to her, flipping the top up with a bit of an attitude. She dug around for a while. Finally, she found them, pulling out the orange pill bottle with a content sigh.

Joel reached back, pulling out his canteen, handing it to her. “Go on…”

She took the pills, taking a drink from his canteen and handing it back to him.

He smiled, “Good girl.”

And with that, he stood, going to check the perimeter.

Ellie watched him walk away, her eyebrows furrowing. She stood up, walking closer to Y/N. She then kneeled down, not much differently than Joel had. “What, uh… what was that?”

The woman scoffed softly, “…you’ve never heard of medication before?”

Ellie rolled her eyes, “No. I know what that is. I meant… you two. Like… what… I don’t know… what are you two?”

The woman looked up at the sunset. Or, at least, what she could see over the trees. She sighed, “I don’t know, El. Don’t ask things that there’s no answer to.”

Ellie huffed, moving back to her previous spot.

…

A few hours later, when the sun was long gone, the three of them sat around a small fire. Ellie sat across from Joel and Y/N, occasionally looking over at them.

Y/N’s eyelids were slightly drooping. They had been like that since they stopped for the day. It seemed that she couldn’t keep herself awake.

And Joel noticed. Of course, he did.

So, he let her lean against him, her head resting on his shoulder.

He leaned his head down, his mouth in her hair, “Wanna sleep, sweetheart?”

Her grip tightened on his arm just slightly, “no… I… I’m fine… I’m awake…”

Joel chuckled. “Nah, honey. Go to sleep. Ellie and I will watch, right?”

Ellie’s head perked up and she nodded quickly.

Y/N seemed to take that for an answer, slowly beginning to move to set up her sleeping bag.

Joel grabbed her wrist, “Hey. Just… stay here, yeah?”

She turned to look at him, her eyebrows coming together in confusion. But the confusion didn’t outweigh the exhaustion, because she quickly nodded and moved back.

She leaned against his shoulder once again, feeling his arm snake around her waist to hold her against him.

“Just sleep. I gotcha, darlin’.”

She let her eyes close, the sleep calling to her.

A silence resounded through the forest, only the cricket’s chirping being heard.

Joel held her close, relishing in the feeling it gave him to know she was there. Safe in his arms. He could see her resting next to him, her chest moving up and down with each breath.

He lightly kissed the top of her head.

It seemed only then he remembered Ellie’s presence, because his gaze shifted her her.

She had a large smirk on her face, her eyebrows raised.

Joel scoffed, “Oh, shut up.”

“I didn’t say nothing.”

“You said enough.”

She laughs to herself, going back to staring at the fire.

Y/N shivered lightly, her body temperature dropping.

Joel immediately shrugged off his jacket, moving her in his arms to wrap it around her.

It woke her up, just barely, as she began to mumble. “No… don’t… I… I’m not cold...”

He wrapped her in it, pulling her further into his arms, trying to transfer some of his heat to her.

“…Joel…”

He leaned his head down, “It’s alright… I wanted to… Let me look after you. Please, sweetheart.”

A soft breath left her lungs as she relaxed again, presumably falling back asleep.

Ellie studied the transaction, curious about something.

Joel rolled his eyes, “What now?”

Ellie continued to stare at the woman, “What’s wrong with her?”

Joel’s jaw clenched. “There’s nothing wrong with her. She just… has a harder time than most.”

“...Well, that was vague as fuck.”

“Ellie… Goddammit. Just… ugh.”

“...Well…?”

Joel sighed, “…it’s anemia. She’s anemic.”

Ellie stared at the fire, thinking, “I don’t…”

“It’s a blood disease.”

Her mouth formed a small ‘o,’ her eyes moving back to him. He took this as a sign to continue.

“The body needs oxygen. And a lot of it. There are these… carriers, I guess you could say, and they carry the oxygen through the bloodstream to different organs. They’re called blood cells.”

Ellie nodded, trying to follow along.

“Well, she doesn’t make enough of them. Her body doesn’t get enough oxygen. Makes her tired… and… whatnot…”

“So, that’s what her medicine is for?”

Joel nodded. “Hard to come by but… better than nothing.”

Ellie gulped. “And… when she doesn’t have any more?”

Joel's gaze hardened. “She has enough for the trip, alright. This is the most strenuous thing I’ll ever make her do,” his hand rubs across his face, “…fuck..” He sighed under his breath.

“So… it makes her tired and…what?”

Joel looks back up at her, “…dizzy, nauseous… she passes out sometimes, but… it’s rare. Out of breath… she’s having a harder time right now because… well.. you know…”

Ellie’s stare was blank, “…how the fuck do I know?”

Joel sighed again, his voice slightly raised, “Goddammit. Her… time of the month…”

“Oh. She’s on her period?” Ellie said with a smirk.

“Yeah. Yeah. So… even more less blood to go around… so… we’ll take it easy the next few days… give her a break.”

Ellie nods. Silence sets in before...

“You love her, don’t you?”

Joel’s head perks up, a surprised look on his face. “…What? No, I don’t…”

“Yeah you do.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Look at yourself, Joel.”

Joel looked down. His arm was wrapped around her waist, the other arm rubbing up and down her leg to create heat. He let out a grunt, “This is why I don’t fucking tell you things.”

Ellie scoffed, “You didn’t fucking say it. I’m looking at it, idiot.”

“Go the fuck to bed.”

“Wow. Just... wow. Way to be an adult, Joel. Real mature.”

“Goodnight.”

…

Y/N woke up a little while later to Joel moving her in his arms. She shifted, her eyes starting to open.

“Shh…. Go back to bed, baby," Joel whispered in her ear, "Just… go back to sleep for me.”

She was laying in Joel’s sleeping bag with him, his arms wrapped around her tightly, her head resting on his chest.

She hummed, “mmm… but…”

She could feel his smile, “None of that. Sleep, sweetheart. I’ll be here when you wake up. I always am.”

…

Surprisingly, Ellie was the first one to wake up that morning. She sat up, craning her neck to check for her companions.

And God, she wished she had a camera.

The two were wrapped in each other’s embrace, Joel’s soft snores echoing.

They were just two fucking idiots in love.

And Ellie made it her mission to get them together by the end of the trip.

.................................................................

Author's note: I made a part 2!!!

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meganwritesfanfics · 3 months

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first in my heart

Astarion Ancunin x Reader

Summary: Astarion hasn't seen his own face in 200 years and this bothers you deeply. You find a solution to finally show him how you see him, yet it leads to much more than simply that.

A/N: Gotta thank my sweet @iamnicodemus for encouraging me to write this. Undoubtedly one of the sweetest things I've ever written.

Word count: 4,7k

Masterlist

"I've never even seen this face. Not since it grew fangs and my eyes turned red."

It was something that lurked in the corners of your mind, those words of his. No matter how many days passed, you couldn't shake them off. It saddened you deeply. Each new passing mention about the last two centuries of Astarion's life drove a knife into your heart and twisted bitterly.

To the naked eye, it was imperceptible, never there. Even now, as you sat around the warm bonfire, watching as the pale elf bickered halfheartedly with Gale, he seemed as ordinary as your group of misfits could be. His smile loose, adorning those sharp fangs you'd become quite familiar with; silver hair curling delicately around pointy ears; deep red eyes reflecting the fire embers with a unique shine whenever he'd steal glances at you. He was the embodiment of lightheartedness and witty remarks, eccentric, unbothered, and with a quick tongue for anything.

And yet, he wasn't, not always. You felt secretly privileged, in a way, to be able to see the real him—to be allowed to. To hold him close when he wakes up gasping for air he didn't quite need and with watery eyes in the dead of the night; to softly kiss each and every scar on his back, whispering promises of love where before he had only known pain; to remind him again and again of his worth.

Astarion had a side to him you were slowly uncovering; you think, that he himself is only now uncovering as well. Vulnerable and fragile, broken but not beyond repair, yearning to be cradled by gentle hands.

He deserves to be mended, you know it in your heart. To get back what was taken from him. And you wanted to help, if only a little.

Earlier today as you ventured through Baldur's Gate, you stumbled upon a discarded sketchbook. It was a little dirty and a little worn, but it was still very much usable. Amidst your—many—questionably valuable loot, you knew you had a few good pencils to spare too.

It's been long since you picked up some paper and let your mind run free—before your whole adventure, to be precise. Maybe you'd be a little rusty around the edges and it would take a few tries to get him close to perfect, but you had time; or, you'd make time. He deserved as much.

⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆

The lines that made him him came almost like second nature to you, maybe because you'd traced those same features with your fingertips countless times before within these last weeks. Ever since he admitted he'd fallen for you beyond his plans of seducing you, things had been easier, lighter. He allowed himself to be cherished and you were more than happy to do so.

A faint smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you created curly strands of his hair with your pencil. Delicate and precise, even for the mess that was his curls.

The sky bathed in shades of orange, pink, and baby blue as the sun lowered in the distance. The camp was as lively as it usually was during the evenings. Karlach was playing fetch with Scratch and the Owlbear cub, the latter who was mostly just running around aimlessly. Gale and Wyll were hunched over the fire doing something you could only hope wouldn't end in mild disaster. Lae'zel sharpened her blades, a scratching sound piercing your ears from afar. Shadowheart looked to be in deep conversation with Astarion, to which the vampire gestured wildly as he apparently tried to make a point.

You never expected that your unfortunate encounter with a mind flayer would give you a makeshift family, but you were thankful that it did. For better or worse, you were all in this together, and that was comfort and motivation enough.

With the strangely soothing sounds of laughter and bickering, you turned your attention back to your sketchbook. Going back one page, you had already finished a rough sketch of Astarion's profile, focused on the contrast of his sharp nose and soft curls. Now, on the next page, you were working on a more elaborate portrayal of his features, depicting a look he often wore when you sauntered over to him; the faint smile on his lips that had grown all the softer ever since you first met; the gentle tilt of his head as his eyebrows scrunched expectantly; the sharp and alluring eyes who could pierce into your soul.

"What are you up to, my sweet?"

The sudden honey-coated voice startled you, you jumped slightly on your seat and hastily covered the pages on your lap with your forearms.

The elf himself stood only a few feet in front of you, his lips pursed and an eyebrow raised in curiosity as he tried to peek past your arms.

You chuckled timidly, "Nothing, I was just- just resting a bit." Shrugging nonchalantly as you smiled.

Astarion narrowed his eyes at you but didn't push it, he never did. "Gale is trying to make us something to eat with what he got from the vendors today," he gestured behind himself and to the fire where Gale stood in front of, "I wouldn't be the first to try it out if I were you but I'm dying to know everyone's opinion on it." A sly smirk got his fangs poking out, "bonus points if someone vomits it out."

You shot him an amused look, biting back a laugh. You never quite got why he had this little rivalry with Gale—besides the fact he wasn't overly fond of Gale's flirting attempts with you in the beginning, but that had long since subsided. To be honest, you think it's more routine than anything else at this point, for show and amusement; a friendly rivalry.

Slightly cold fingertips caught hold of your chin when you didn't answer, his thumb pressing against the corner of your mouth as Astarion held you. "Do join me, will you?"

The smile you still wore shifted into something sweeter, reserved only for him. And you leaned into his touch, closing your eyes momentarily. "I will… in a moment."

Astarion blinked at your briefly evasive answer, but nodded anyway, "I'll… be waiting."

He walked away, slow steps taking him towards the commotion around the campfire. You felt a little bad for denying him company right away, but it was for a good cause, you had to follow your streak of inspiration if you wanted to finish the drawing to the best of your abilities.

⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆

Dinner proved to be pleasant, tasty even, for Gale's culinary standards. This time of day had to be one of your favorites, with everyone sitting together around the fire at night and forgetting about life's misfortunes for a moment.

You sat by a rock, leaning your back against it as your shoulders shook with laughter at one of Halsin's stories. Astarion had plopped down by your side not long ago, the weight of his shoulder resting against yours as comforting as it always was. He took just a while longer to take your hand in his tonight, cold fingers hooking around yours and squeezing as he brought your joined hands to rest on his thigh.

Everything felt so new, you thought of yourself as a giddy teenager sometimes; heart fluttering with each lingering touch and stolen glance. For most of the time, you let Astarion set the pace of things, giving him the freedom to choose to be by your side. And there wasn't a time when he chose not to be.

He played with your fingers, palm to palm as if to compare sizes, alluring red eyes focused solely on where you touched. Innocent, boyish even. It was new for him too, you thought, perhaps much more than it would ever be to you.

And then your mind drifted back to the gift you had been steadily creating for him, excitement twirling in your stomach. You leaned closer, lips brushing the fabric of his shirt on his shoulder, "I'm gonna head to my tent for a bit, got a few things to organize. I'll find you later, yeah?"

A low hum fell past Astarion's lips, his eyes flicked to you, all big and vulnerable. "Oh, alright," his voice quiet and sweet.

You smiled, squeezed his hand, and planted a kiss on the corner of his lips. His eyes never left you as you walked away.

⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆

It had never been on his plans, falling for you. It wasn't even something he considered would happen when he first started to slip a few honeyed words your way. But then you threw his heart off course with your tender touches and whispers of comfort, leaving telltales of your warmth all over his cold body. And he was a goner.

The last time Astarion dared to care about someone, he endured a year of punishment locked away, alone, starving, and crying for help that wouldn't come. There had been a fear, clawing at the back of his mind as he watched himself crumble for you; a fear that this would end much the same.

When he finally bared his heart for you—shaking like a leaf with the proverbial organ stretched out in his hands—he expected you to deny him, scream at him, maybe even send him away.

You didn't.

You said you cared for him. You hugged him.

There was no one else in the world like you, he decided.

Three dangerous words lingered on Astarion's tongue each time he woke up to your sleeping form beside him. For the time being, he settled for kissing the shape of them into your skin, over and over, until maybe one day you figured it out.

He scoffed at himself, finally tearing his gaze away from where you sat on the other side of the camp. If his much younger self saw him now, he'd probably be laughing. Or he'd be very envious. No in-between.

Stars danced in the night sky, alongside a half-moon dusted with faint clouds. It was late, most of the group had already turned in for the night, with Karlach keeping watch, as much to her dismay, it was her turn.

Astarion ran his tongue over his fangs, grip tightening on the book he had in his hands. He'd been trying to read the same page for minutes now.

There was no one else in the world like you. He wondered when you'd realize that. When you'd realize that you were infinitely too good for the likes of him.

With a shiver running down his spine, Astarion worried that you might have started to.

It's been a few days now that you've been… distant; tucked away in your tent whenever you settled camp, not sparing him much time of day, at least not nearly as much as you used to.

With an annoyed click of his tongue, as he closed his book, Astarion realized he missed you, even with you sleeping side by side each night. How needy of him.

But he missed your mindless talks by the fire as everyone settled in for the night; he missed your walks through town just before sunset or sunrise; he missed the causality, the simplicity of calling you his. He'd gotten used to the sweet routine quite quickly.

The thought that you might already be growing tired of him made his dead heart clench agonizingly inside his chest. He glanced back at you, hunched over your makeshift desk as you scribbled something down in a book, Scratch lying by your feet. That is a kind of pain he wasn't sure he could endure.

Perhaps against his better judgment, his feet carried him to you anyway; yet he hesitated, words heavy on his tongue. Astarion stood awkwardly behind you, fidgeting with the edges of his shirt and praying that anyone who might still be awake wouldn't look this way. Scratch raised his head when the elf approached, a whine coming from him as his head tilted from side to side as if he wanted to ask what was wrong. Seems even the dog pities his predicament.

Old habits die hard and Astarion couldn't help but assume the worst, every time. He doesn't know how to be with someone, doesn't know the first thing about being in a relationship—was that what you two had? It's not like you ever labeled it. Maybe he did something wrong, and that's why you've been limiting your time with him.

"Astarion?"

With several blinks, his eyes focused again, only to see you regarding him with a frown, hand resting atop the closed book you had been writing in. Now your head was the one tilting inquisitively.

"Is everything okay?"

Still, your voice would always be sweetest to his ears.

Astarion shook his head softly to clear the fog his insecurities had brought and plastered a smile on his lips. "Of course, my darling," he approached, extending a hand to your sitting form and twirling a strand of your hair between his fingers, "I just think you should be getting your beauty sleep by now. Come warm up my bed, won't you?"

The faint blush that dusted your cheeks whenever he sweet-talked you would never cease to endear him. "We can read that book you're so fond of if you don't want to sleep, the cheesy romance one," Astarion purred, his pointer finger tracing the edges of your jaw.

You turned your head, planting a small kiss on his palm. "I'll be going soon, just want to finish something first. You can read without me, I don't mind."

But how could he ever tell you, that the words looked blurry and tangled without you by his side?

Longer than an hour had gone by when you finally decided to come to his tent. The night was mostly quiet, eery, with only the sounds of crickets, frogs, and the crackling of the dying fire. Astarion lay on his side, back turned towards the tent's opening. He didn't need sleep, not really, some meditation here and there would usually be enough to keep his energy up. But it was a habit he'd picked up when you started sleeping together through the night.

He wasn't asleep tonight, however. He heard your footsteps approaching him, quiet and cautious so as to not disturb him. He felt you lying down beside him, ever so slowly.

Astarion closed his eyes tightly, trying to hold himself back and failing miserably. One taste of your affection had been enough to get him hopelessly addicted.

He turned, shuffling closer and curling his body around you. His arm went over your stomach and tugged lightly, like a kitten asking for attention. You didn't say anything as you closed your arms around him, your lips finding the bridge of his nose and then his forehead. Words were futile when actions spoke the loudest.

Your gentle touches, the way you hold him without malice, he could hardly get enough of it. Your arms wrapped around him and your lips grazed his skin with lingering kisses, and it didn't hurt, it didn't burn or make him feel sick. You were the first one to ever do it, to hold him without hurting him.

Astarion nuzzled your neck, burying himself in the feeling, gladly drowning in it as he drank every last drop. Tears prickled his eyes, they usually did on nights like these and he's never quite sure why. Maybe it's because of the way your fingers gently tangled in his hair yet didn't tug or scrape; maybe it's the way you tighten your hold on him as if trying to mend his fragile heart; maybe it's because of how much he longed for someone like you to come and save him, on nights where all he knew were pain and unwelcomed caresses that scarred his skin more than any blade ever could.

And now, he wanted to lose himself in the comfort he found, that you so generously provided. His fingers closed forcefully on the fabric of your shirt, nearly ripping it, afraid you'd leave if he held you any looser. The fear of waking up alone and finding out that he'd lost you was all too consuming, tugging at his heartstrings.

He closed his eyes and rogue tears dampened the collar of your shirt. It was okay, it would be dry come morning, you wouldn't know. You were warm, you chased away everything that haunted him.

⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆

You stared at it intently. You have been staring at it for a while now, teeth chewing at the inside of your cheek in nervousness and anticipation. You checked it once, twice, turning the pages with careful fingers. The sketchbook wasn't filled, it would take too long to do so, but at least half of the pages inside it held some kind of scribble. Art pieces of various styles and levels of progression, some much more detailed than others, some mere hasty lines put together to paint a dear image you wanted to keep for a while longer. All of them of him. A book filled with the pointy ears and pale hair you adored so much.

You could only hope he would adore it just as much.

It was early in the morning and the day had yet to properly start. Most of your companions were still tucked away in their tents, some huddled around the burned logs of the fire from last night, coffee mugs in their hands and a sleepy look on their faces. You were never much of an early bird yourself, but today you made a point of rising before Astarion—you were lucky he'd picked back up the habit of sleeping and wasn't much of an early bird himself.

Hugging the sketchbook to your chest, you padded back to the warmth of his tent. As you opened the flaps, you were greeted with the sight of soft slivers of sunlight coming through the thinner part of the tent's fabric, they glimmered over Astarion's laying form, kissing his pale skin and making it shine.

You could easily get used to it; waking up to him, watching as the early morning rays painted his features golden, small wisps of dust flying in the air only giving him that bit more magical touch.

Astarion had his back to you, so you quietly kneeled beside him, extending a hand to run through his mess of curls; oh how soft they were, molding in between your fingers like seafoam on the shore. You counted yourself remarkably privileged.

You placed the sketchbook behind you so you could lie down, only keeping yourself up on one elbow. Your lips found his temple and the elf lightly stirred in his sleep. You kissed the tip of his ear next, waking him up gently. Always gently. He deserves gentleness.

With a hoarse groan, Astarion turned around to face you. He blinked several times as his ruby eyes adjusted to the soft sunlight, his face adorably scrunched from sleep. An easy, small smile appeared on his lips as soon as his gaze landed on you.

You weren't an early bird, yet you came to love the mornings, if only for this sight alone.

"Good morning, my star," you said quietly so as to not disturb the peace of the moment, still twirling a strand of his hair between your fingers.

He chuckled, "Good morning, beautiful." His voice all husky and deep, one hand finding your waist and trailing all the way up to your neck to pull you closer.

You kissed the corner of his lips and then the apple of his cheek, and Astarion's hold on you only grew tighter, pulling you on top of him. A welp escaped you as you laughed, nuzzling his neck before baring your teeth and giving him a playful nibble.

"Ow, you menace!" The vampire gasped halfheartedly, holding back a grin.

You pulled back from him with the ghost of a smile, bracing yourself on his chest. "I've got something to tell you."

His expression shifted to something you couldn't quite decipher, but he quickly masked it with a teasing tilt of his brows; "Oh? Are you gonna confess your undying love for me?" Both his hands brushed along the sides of your waist, gingerly raising your shirt as his pinkie grazed your skin.

"I thought we'd gone over that part already?" You teased back with a glint in your eyes, pushing yourself back up to sit beside him.

A whimper of complaint escaped Astarion when you separated, but he sat up with you anyway; his hair askew and all over the place, cheeks with the faintest flush to them, eyes just a little droopy, and… a strange stiffness to his shoulders. "What is it, my love?" He wondered, scrunching his nose endearingly when a piece of lint grazed it.

You squirmed in your seat; heart burning hotter than Karlach's in your chest, valves working overtime as the connection you shared enveloped you whole. You haven't actually told him how much you loved him, the four-lettered word hadn't been brought up yet, mostly for fear of the weight it held. But you wanted to, you've been feeling it for a while now.

"Well? Don't leave me in suspense," Astarion chuckled, but the sound didn't feel quite right to your ears, his smile wasn't reaching his eyes. And as you looked at him—one of his hands gripping tightly onto the fabric of his bedroll while the other tapped his knee incessantly; the ruby of his eyes almost nonexistent, covered by shiny black pupils as he looked intently at you, gaze filled with sentiment and vulnerability—you could notice it there now, that lingering fear of solitude gripping at his chest.

For a moment, you berated yourself, for you knew you'd spent quite some time on your little project, and maybe it had affected your routine more than you cared to admit. You felt a nagging guilt and sorrow for making Astarion even consider the possibility of loneliness again.

You tried shrugging it off. It would be worth it—and you'd be showering him with love and affection in just a moment anyway.

"I made something for you." The words rolled off your tongue more easily than you thought they would. You reached behind you with unsteady hands, heart in your mouth as you held onto your breath.

Astarion stared intently at the black sketchbook that was now clasped between your hands. He looked up at you, and back down, lips pursed in confusion.

"Ever since you told me… you haven't seen yourself in so long," you started, voice gentle as your thumbs traced the leather cover of the book. "And asked me how I saw you. I- I kept thinking about it and… when I found this," you wiggled the sketchbook in the air, "I guess I found a way of showing you…"

You extended the book for him to take, lowering your voice to a near whisper; "how I see you."

A short, trembled gush of air went past Astarion's lips. It was a difficult task to get him speechless, yet you had done it. He said nothing as he ever so carefully took the book from your hands, holding it as if the smallest wrong move could break it.

You watched as his throat worked through a heavy gulp, his eyes shining bright under the faint sunlight, swimming in a pool of sentiment and he hadn't even opened the book yet. Or properly looked at it, for that matter; his eyes still trailed on your face, as if waiting for confirmation that you meant it. Only when you gave him a tiny nod, did he finally look down. It hit you hard that this was probably the first gesture of this kind that he had received in his long life.

Shaky, pale hands reached to turn the first page. He hesitated for only a moment, almost looking afraid. About to see himself after 200 years of living as a ghost.

The first drawing you had made in the book wasn't your best, now that you looked down at it again; a simple portrait of Astarion looking down at a book in his hands, a little rough around the edges, hardly detailed. It had been your first try after not drawing for quite some time.

A beat passed, and a drop of water landed on the bottom corner of the page. You whipped your head up, only to see rogue tears steadily dripping down Astarion's cheeks until they reached his chin and fell on his lap. He cried silently, barely moving; the only signs being the obvious tears and the quivering of his lower lip.

He turned each page as if they were made from the purest gold. Stopping at every single drawing of him, to take it all in. He traced his fingertips over the lines that formed the curves of his curls, the tips of his ears, and the slope of his nose and lips.

People had referred to him as many things already; sexy, alluring, charming, attractive. Never had any of them referred to him as something… precious, delicate, bewitching, more than just a pretty face. Yet that's exactly how he saw himself now, through your eyes.

Astarion took his time, never speaking once. You let him, making yourself comfortable beside him and laying your head on his shoulder, simply existing in each other's presence.

Several minutes had gone by when the elf finally spoke up again. He was finally on the last used page of the book, and when the next appeared in white he slowly closed the book, still grasping onto it reverently. "For a moment I- I thought you'd grown tired of me already," it was the first thing he told you, and he refused to meet your eyes. A humorless chuckle fell past his lips, trying to laugh off his feelings.

You raised your head from his shoulder, lifting a hand to tenderly brush long strands of silver hair behind his ear; as you did so, you allowed your fingers to travel further, burying in the mop of hair behind his head. "Never. Never in a million years," you whispered.

Astarion met your gaze at last, ruby eyes glimmering with unshed tears while dried tracks of the ones before still lingered on his cheeks. This was the real Astarion; fragile, vulnerable, pleading for a gentle love, yet so beautifully strong.

"I'm sorry, my star. For allowing that thought to plague you. I just wanted this to be a surprise." You leaned forward and touched your forehead with his for a brief moment, hoping to bend the rules and physically give him your love.

"You made this," Astarion's voice broke in the middle, yet his smile was the most sincere you'd ever witnessed, "For me."

Catching a single tear that rolled down his cheek, you nodded, with a smile of your own.

There was a beat, a moment of silence where you simply looked at each other, wondering if the other felt just as much. And you didn't need a tadpole connection to confirm it.

Astarion set the sketchbook aside before all but throwing himself at you. Both his arms encircled your waist with desperation as he buried his head in your neck. His lips drew sloppy patterns and raised goosebumps in your skin as he kissed you relentlessly, from shoulder, to neck, to jaw; until he finally reached your own lips.

You brought your arms around him, pulling him in until your very souls were intertwined. Giggles escaped your lips as he kissed you, the shape of both your smiles making it difficult and all the more delightful.

When you parted, Astarion had you pinned down on his bedroll, with him resting snuggly on top of you. He refused to let go, clingy as he'd never dreamt he'd be. Your hand buried in his hair, his nose brushed the skin of your collar bone. "I had asked the gods for salvation, for any kind of blessing, countless times before. I could never guess it would come in the shape of you." He breathed in. He didn't hesitate. "Thank you. I love you."

You felt his smile. Felt the shape of his words on your skin, your soul. You kissed his hairline. "And I love you."

⋆* ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Thank you for reading this little story. Feedback and reblogs are literally what keeps me motivated to continue posting here, so I’d appreciate it if you could take some time to reblog and comment. <3

You do not have permission to repost, copy, or translate my works on any platforms (even with credit), please respect.

Astarion’s taglist: @milkiane @v1ci0us

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meganwritesfanfics · 4 months

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Clandestine Meetings (Joel Miller x Reader) Chapter 6

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Joel Miller x Reader

Joel and the Reader have found a good routine, until that routine is rudely interrupted by her husband.

Word Count: 2249

Rating M: For later chapters, angst, discussion of DV. Talk of injuries

Y/N felt her back hit the brick wall softly as Joel pushed her back, her fingers were wound into his hair as he had one had on the back of her neck and the other was hoisting her leg around his waist as he kissed her fiercely.

“Joel,” She moaned as his kisses worked their way down her neck. He was careful not to suck on her skin for too long not wanting to leave a mark.

“God Y/N,” Joel moaned and he ground his hips into hers. His hands quickly moved and grabbed her waist slowly gliding under her shirt causing her to shutter at his touch.

Suddenly the sound of a bottle breaking spooked both of them and Joel instantly backed up looking down the ally fear in his eyes. They watched as a rat ran through the ally and they let out a sigh. Joel turned back to Y/N both of them struggling to catch their breath.

“Well shit,” Y/N said as she straightened herself out.

“You really are trouble aren’t you darlin’” Joel said as he kissed her forehead.

“I don’t think this is my fault.” Y/N smirked as she leaned into Joel’s touch, his hand on her cheek.

“What are we going to do.” Joel sighed and he kissed her lightly again.

“We just need to be careful, take the moments we can.”

Joel wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into him. “I’m going to want a lot more than just moments with you.” He growled seductively.

“Down boy,” She laughed as she laid her head on his chest. “We’ve just got to take this one day at a time, figure everything out.”

“I need you to be careful.” Joel sighed as he tucked some of her hair behind her ear. “Just try not to get yourself into trouble.”

“I will try if you promise to not get yourself into any trouble while smuggling.” She smirked.

Joel’s jaw dropped. “How do you…”

“I told you I know everything.” She smiled. “Please just promise me you will be careful. So many of these F.E.D.R.A. agents are trigger happy, they won’t hesitate to just shoot you.”

Joel kissed her again, before he began to kiss all the bruises on her face.

She shivered at his gentle touch. All she wanted was to stay in this moment with him forever, but she knew at any moment someone could come around the corner and they would both be in deep shit.

“We need to go, someone is going to catch us.” Y/N said as she tried to walk away but Joel held onto her.

“Wait,” He grabbed her face in his hands once more. “If that bastard so much as lays a finger on you, you come get me. I will deal with him.” He growled.

All Y/N could do was smile sadly as she kissed Joel again. “I’ll see you soon cowboy.” And then she walked down the ally, leaving Joel alone, his heart still skipping a beat.

For the next few weeks this was their new normal, breaking away throughout the day whenever they had time to meet up in an ally or an abandoned building. They would make out but also they would talk; they talked about the things they missed the most since the apocalypse. Of course Y/N was a lot younger than Joel so she remembered less than he did, but she loved to hear him talk about what life was like.

“Are you sure you have to go,?” Joel said as he kissed down her neck.

“Hmmm,” Y/N sighed. “I do, I promised Nancy I would help at the clinic. And she still is pissed at me after the bombing.”

“I think she will be fine without you for a moment.” He kissed her again.

“Joel, your shift starts soon you can’t be late.”

“I think I could.”

Y/N giggled as she kissed him again. “I would love nothing more than to spend the whole day with you but I can’t. We both have to go.”

Suddenly a voice echoed down the ally, and Y/N froze, she recognized it instantly, it was Will.

“Shit,” She gasped and while he wasn’t in the ally, she knew he was close and could come in at any moment. “I will go distracted you sneak out the other way.” She said as she hurriedly gave him another kiss before she made her way towards the sound of Will’s voice.

Joel slowly inched his way towards where Y/N went, he knew that it was dangerous, but he didn’t trust Will not to hurt her even more, and he wasn’t going to stand for it, even if it landed him in lock up.

“What are you doing!” He heard Will snap.

“I’m heading to the clinic, not that it is any of your buisness.” Y/N snapped.

Suddenly Joel could hear the sound of skin hitting skin and he knew that Will had hurt Y/N and he lost it.

He stormed out of the ally and right past the two making sure to shoulder check Will as he past.

“Miller!” Will called and Joel turned back to glare at him. He saw Will’s hand death grip on Y/N wrist, her hurt wrist and he could see her face contorted in pain, even though her eyes were wide with fear as she stared at Joel wondering what he was doing. “Do you have my supplies.”

Joel clenched his fist as he tried not to make eye contact with Y/N. Every part of him wanted to kill Will, but he knew that it would cause so many more problems for everyone around him.

“We didn’t get out this time around. You will have to wait.” He snapped.

“I don’t like being kept waiting, I expect double for the inconvenience.” Will snapped and Y/N whimpered as he squeezed her wrist even tighter.

“You are hurting her.” Joel growled his jaw clenched. Y/N stared at him and shook her head.

Will laughed and he let go over her arm but quickly wound his fingers into her hair and yanked hard causing her to gasp in pain. “She’s my wife, and she doesn’t listen to me, so I am punishing her.”

“I don’t listen to you because you are a piece of shit who doesn’t…” Y/N started when suddenly Will grabbed her by the throat and slammed her into a wall.

“Don’t you ever speak to me like that you bitch!”

Joel broke, in an instant he had ripped Y/N out of his grasp, and pinned Will against the wall slamming his forearm into his throat.

“Get your fucking hands off her.” Joel snapped.

“No!” Y/N cried as she tried to pull Joel off of him. “Let him go!”

Joel backed away and Y/N quickly rushed to Will’s side.

Will shoved her away, as he laughed. “Have you gone soft Miller, why do you give a shit about me beating my wife.”

“Will come on just forget it let’s go.” Y/N begged.

“No I wanna know, why do you care?”

“I’m not going to stand by and watch while you abuse your wife.” Joel tried to cover his tracks.

“Because you are such an upstanding citizen. You are a lowly smuggler do not act like you are so much better than me you piece of shit. I could have you killed.” Will snapped.

“And then you would lose your supplier, what are you going to do without your precious pills.”

“Don’t assume that you are the only smuggler I am paying Miller.”

“Listen man, I’m sorry alright.” Joel through his hands up in defense.

“I should throw you into lock up just to teach you are fucking lesson.” Will sneered.

Joel bit his tongue not to say some smart ass remark back, Y/N was still standing by Will’s side, but this time, instead of looking at Joel with fear, her eyes were filled with rage.

“But instead, my next three deliveries, are going to be free.”

“Absolutely fucking…” Joel started

“That sounds reasonable after the trauma you have caused my husband today.” Y/N chimed in.

“Trauma I…”

“You see Miller, my wife is perfectly fine.” Will jeered as he pulled Y/N in for a rough kiss and Joel felt like he was going to be sick. “See you around Miller.” Will laughed as he dragged Y/N off and left Joel behind.

“Fuck!” Joel snapped as he made his way back to the apartment.

That night Joel couldn’t sleep. All he could think about was Y/N. He knew he should have picked a fight with Will. He knew he probably caused more problems for her. As he laid in bed, there suddenly was a loud knock on the door.

“Shit,” He thought as thinking that F.E.D.R.A. had come to take him to lock up.

“Joel!” A voice screamed angrily and Joel instantly recognized it as Y/N. He quickly looked over to see Tess stir slightly but she didn’t. Thankfully she was a heavy sleeper. Joel bounded from the bed and raced to the door before Y/N could pound on it again. As he threw it open he found Y/N standing there looking furious.

“What the fuck…” She started when suddenly Joel threw his hand over her mouth as he pushed her back into the hallway quietly shutting the door behind him. “Ow, get off of me.” Y/N said pushing him back. That’s when Joel fully took in her appearance, she had a bleeding lip and a sizable gash on the side of her head.

“Jesus,” He sighed as he grabbed her face in his hands. “Did he do this because of what happened today?”

Y/N laughed sadly. “He doesn’t need a reason to do this,Joel, he just does it whenever he feels like it.”

“God, he… I don’t understand why you won’t let me help you.” Joel snapped getting frustrated.

“Oh you mean like you helped today!” Y/N snapped back. “All you did today was make Will pissed off at you, and that is the last thing we need is for you to be on his shit list. What the hell were you thinking.”

“He was hurting you Y/N. I couldn’t just sit around and…”

“Yes you could have. In fact from now on that is what you are going to have to do. If you see anything you just have to ignore it. We can’t risk him getting suspicious of us.”

“One of these days he is going to kill you.” Joel said his voice cracking and Y/N froze. “Have you even thought of that, that one of these days he’s going to take it too far.”

“Of course I have thought about it.” Y/N snapped pushing Joel back. “I think about it every fucking day. Every day I wonder if this is the day he kills me.”

“Why won’t you…”

“I can’t leave Joel I have tried.” She said her voice cracking as tears began to spill down her cheeks. “I have tried to leave and he found me. And when he found me he broke my fucking leg and told me if I tried it again he would kill me.”

Joel could feel his heart shatter as he watched Y/N wrap her arms around herself tightly.

“Y/N.” He said as he started towards her.

“He is a well respected F.E.D.R.A. agent. He had plenty of friends who wouldn’t bat an eye at helping him kill me. Hell no one would care if I just vanished.”

“I would care.” Joel said softly and this just made Y/N cry harder.

“And that’s another reason I can’t leave, because if I try to leave and he some how figures out that we were together, he will kill you, or Tommy, or Tess. I can’t do that. It’s not just my life on the line. And before you go suggesting that we kill him, I’ve thought of that to. But people would notice that he was gone, they would investigate and they would hunt down everyone connected to him until they figured it out. I’m trapped Joel. There is nothing I can do.”

Finally Y/N broke down completely bawling as she fell to the floor. “And if you were to someone get hurt or killed trying to help me, I would never be able to forgive myself. So please Joel, promise me, promise me that you will not do anything to antaginize him or give him any reason to suspect us. I don’t give a shit about what happens to me, but I need you safe. I need to keep you alive.” She sobbed.

Joel rushed to her and pulled her into his arms, and he sat with her on the ground rocking her back and forth.

“Shh, I’m here.” Joel tried to sooth. “We will figure it out. I’ll figure it out. I will get you out of there somehow.”

“I love you Joel.” Y/N said with her head buried in shoulder and she held onto him tightly.

Joel sighed as he closed his eyes. “I love you Y/N.” He breathed and he pulled her in as tightly as he could to him. “I love you.”

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#joel miller x reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x you #joel miller smut #the last of us #series #tlou

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meganwritesfanfics · 4 months

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Clandestine Meetings (Joel Miller x Reader) Chapter 5

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Joel Miller x Reader

Joel has tried his best to stay away from Y/N, but it seems the universe has other plans. When he runs into her on the street, the two confront their feelings and everything gets a lot more complicated.

Word Count: 1735

Rating M: For later chapters, angst, discussion of DV. Talk of injuries.

It was a good week or so before Joel saw Y/N again. Soon after the bomb incident, he and Tess had gone out to get supplies to trade. They usually didn’t stay away for more than a couple days, however even when they got back, Joel made it a point to only pick jobs at times when he didn’t think Y/N would show up. He felt guilty about the way he had treated her, however he knew Tess and Tommy were right. The feelings he had for Y/N, whatever they may have been were dangerous, not only for himself and the people around him but also for Y/N. He knew that her shit husband hurt her, and he didn’t want to be the cause of making it even worse. And so Joel’s world had fallen back into the colorless routine it had been before.

That was why when he had accidentally ran into her on the street, it had taken him by surprise. But what took him even more by surprise and what caused his entire body to vibrate with rage were the bruises that littered her face and neck. She had a black eye, a busted lip, and what looked like finger bruises from where someone had gripped her neck tightly.

The minute he laid eyes on this, he roughly grabbed her by her shoulders, turning her so she was looking at him, taking her completely by surprise.

“Who the fuck did this to you.” He snarled his eyes darting between each bruise.

“Joel?” Y/N asked shocked.

“Was it that fucking husband of yours,” Joel continued. “I’ll fucking kill him.”

Suddenly Y/N pushed Joel back hard snapping him out of his rage.

“Why the fuck do you care.” Y/N snapped. “A few days ago you wanted nothing to fucking do with me, and now you are going to commit murder for me?”

“Y/N,” Joel sighed as he looked around to make sure that no one was watching them.

“No, Joel, when I had come back I was going to ask you… I thought you…” Y/N groaned, “Ugh forget it, listen I get it, I’m a pain in your ass right, I cause problems right, I waste your precious fucking time right!” She screamed and her screams were starting to grab peoples attention.

Quickly Joel grabbed her hand and dragged her into a near by ally. As much as she protested and fought him.

“Y/N,” He said calmly but still she fought him. “Y/N!” He shouted as he gently took her face in his hands and she instantly went quite. “Listen to me, I had meant what I said before, if anyone hurts you, especially your husband, I want you, no I need you to come to me, I will take care of it.”

Y/N reached up and wrapped her hands around Joel’s wrists as she sighed.

“I can’t keep up with your mood swings Joel.” She said quietly all the anger fading into sadness. “One moment you are nice and boarderline sweet and the next you are an absolute dick.”

Joel dropped his hands and took a step back as he looked at the ground.

“I’m sorry about before I… things are complicated.”

“Of course things are complicated, the world is fucked Joel. But I thought maybe I had found someone who made things just a little less complicated, someone who made things make some sort of sense. But I guess I was wrong.” Joel could see tears welling up in her eyes. “I better go, and don’t worry I will stay out of your life Joel.”

“Wait,” Joel reached out and grabbed her wrist and when he did she let out a loud cry. He instantly let go.

“I’m sorry, it’s… I fell the other day and…”

“You know you can cut the bullshit with me.” Joel instantly replied and Y/N just looked up at him her eyes filled with an awful sadness and yearning. “Can I see it?”

Y/N hesitated for a moment before she walked forward and lifted her long sleeves so he could see her swollen and bruises wrist.

He seethed as he gingerly took her hand in his.

“It’s fine, I think it is only fractured.” She said and Joel’s head snapped up his eyes filled with rage.

“It is sure as shit not fine.”

“Well unfortunately it just is what it is.” She sighed as she took her hand out of his and pulled down her sleeve again.

“It doesn’t have to me.” Joel took a step closer towards her.

“I don’t really have another choice, if I leave, either he will kill me or he will send F.E.D.R.A. to do it.”

“I could kill him.”

“And then F.E.D.R.A. would kill you, not going to happen.” She snapped as she leaned up against the brick wall.

“Why are you with him?” Joel asked surprised at himself for the asking such a question.

Y/N couldn’t help but smirk sadly. “That is a story for another time cowboy.”

Joel made his way towards her putting one hand on the wall and leaned in closer to her.

“I’m sorry about what I said, I didn’t mean it. It’s just, I don’t think it is a good idea for you and I to hang around each other.”

“You afraid I’m going to get you roped into trouble Miller,” Y/N smirked a smile finally creeping its way back onto her face.

“It’s not just myself I’m worried about its Tess and…”

“Tommy?” She interrupted. Joel gave her an inquisitive look. “One upside to having a husband who works for F.E.D.R.A, I can get access to everyones files. How do you think I know so much about everyone.”

“You looked me up darlin’’?” Joel smirked inching even closer to Y/N.

“Oh I had to, with the dark and stormy aura you give off, I had to see what you were all about.”

They were silent for a moment, the space between them was growing smaller with each passing second.

“But you are right, it might be better if we just keep our separate ways. I don’t want to get you in trouble. And Tommy’s in enough shit as it is.”

Joel’s blood ran cold. And Y/N watched as Joel’s face fell and his eyes went wide with fear.

“Don’t worry F.E.D.R.A doesn’t know. But hell that boy does not do a good job hiding it, I could spot him from a mile away. You need to tell him to watch his back.”

Joel just nodded, his thoughts wandering off to nightmare he had about Tommy getting caught or killed. He could feel his chest start to tighten up and his vision start to blur.

“Joel,” Y/N called as she saw his demenor change. But to him her voice sounded far off, it echoed like she was in a tunnel. “Joel?” She called again as she placed her hand gently on his cheek. With her touch he steadied his vision righted itself and the tightness in his chest lessened. “Where did you go?”

In that moment, standing so close to her, her hand on his cheek, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her, to pull her in close to him and never let her go. His rational mind kept telling him what a bad idea that was, how many things could go wrong. But he didn’t care he just kept pushing those thoughts away. That was until he thought about Sarah, and the ever familiar constant pain he felt flared up again. He couldn’t feel that pain again, not in any capacity. And it was too risky to open his heart up again. Especially since Y/N didn’t seem like she had any plans to leave her abusive huband.

Clearing his throat, Joel backed up crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“So what are we going to do?” He asked.

“About what?” She said hurt at his distance.

“About us?”

“Is there an us?”

“I mean… I don’t want to not help you when you need it. But I also got to think about keeping Tess and Tommy safe.”

“Yeah,” She looked down at her feet sadly.

“And I like being around you.”

“I like being around you too.”

“Is there anyway I can get you to just keep your head down and try not to cause problems?”

“Not a chance.” Y/N snapped her head up to look back at him.

Joel sighed sadly. “That’s what I thought.”

They stood silent for a few moments, and Y/N could feel herself starting to get choked up.

“So I guess that’s it.” Y/N said.

“Y/N…”

“Well, it was nice knowing you Joel Miller. I hope you have a good life, I mean, as good as any of us can hope for in this shit storm.” Y/N started to walk away and Joel stayed behind watching her.

She hadn’t even made it out of the ally before she stopped. “Oh fuck it.” She mumbled under her breath as she turned and marched back to Joel.

“Y/N?” Joel asked confused.

“Kiss me.” She snapped and Joel froze.

“Wha…”

“There is this feeling between us, and I hope to God you feel it to, but it feels so different than anything I have felt in a while. I can’t explain it but when I am with you, things feel better. It’s almost like you bring color…” She started when Joel quickly pulled her into him and kissed her.

The spark that he felt in his stomach when their lips met, sent goosebumps all over his skin. This kiss wasn’t just a normal run of the mill kiss, this was something more. It made his chest tighten but not in a bad way. And when he felt her open her mouth slightly and he deepend the kiss, he thought his heart was going to explode.

They broke away only to breath, and when they look at each other they both smiled, Joel’s hands on her face, his thumb rubbing her cheeks.

“Not bad cowboy.” She smirked.

“Oh I’m just getting started darlin’ “ Joel growled seductively as he kissed her again, pushing her back into the brick wall.

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Clandestine Meeting (Joel Miller x Reader) Chapter 4

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Joel Miller x Reader

After getting caught by Tess, Joel gets some opinions from both her and Tommy about his relationship with the Reader.

Word Count: 1272

Rating M: For later chapters, angst.

“Tess,” Joel sighed as he ran his hand over his face.

“Oh you’re Tess,” Y/N quickly said. “Hi, I am Y/N, I…”

“I know who you are.” Tess quickly snapped her eyes never once looking at Y/N instead she glared at Joel.

“Oh, right. Listen I’m sorry about the clothes, I will figure out a way to wash them and bring them back…”

“Keep them.”

“Really it’s no problem I…” Y/N started when suddenly Tess turned her attention towards Y/N and glared. “Right.” Y/N squeaked. “Um, Joel I think I better get going, thank you for everything today. I will see you around.”

Joel didn’t say anything in response as Y/N quickly snuck out the door.

“Tess…” Joel started.

“What the fuck Joel, what the fuck was Miss Goodie Two Shoes doing in our apartment.”

“She had asked for my help and I…”

“And you jumped at the chance, anything to get you more points towards getting lucky with her right?”

“That’s not…”

“Jesus Christ Joel, she is half your age, not to mention married to a F.E.D.R.A. officer. What are you thinking?” Tess snapped as she stormed into the kitchen and poured herself a drink.

“It’s not like that.” Joel snapped.

“Oh yeah sure it isn’t, I saw the way you were looking at her.” Tess took a giant swig, and then she sighed placing the cup back on the counter. “Listen, I don’t care who you fuck, but that girl, she tends to cause a lot of fucking problems around here and draws a lot of attention, and that is the last thing we need.”

“I know that Tess, fuck I wasn’t… I didn’t… she had asked for my help, and I helped that is all.”

“Well next time she comes around asking for help, tell her to fuck off, alright.”

“Alright.” Joel agreed. He knew Tess was right, he knew that getting himself involved in anyway with Y/N would just lead to trouble. And that was the last thing he needed or wanted especially if it caused any trouble for Tess or Tommy.

With the thought of Tommy, Joel quickly headed for the door. Tess didn’t say a word, that wasn’t their relationship. Joel and Tess knew each others boundaries, they knew when to care and when to back off. But they also knew that neither one were dependent on the other. They were two separate people who had a common goal, staying alive, and keep those they cared about alive. And right now the only people on that list were each other and Tommy. There was no need for her to ask where Joel was going, They both trusted each other enough to know that they would never do anything to jepordize the life they had built. So she let Joel leave. Even though in the back of her mind she still couldn’t stop thinking about the way Joel looked at Y/N and how much she wished that he looked at her the same way.

Joel angrily stormed his way to Tommy’s place. When they had first moved into Boston, Tommy had insisted that he have his own place. After everything Joel and Tommy had been through, he needed space from his brother. So much to Joel’s dismay, Tommy had a different apartment. And much to Tommy’s dismay it just happened to be down the hall from Joel’s.

As he reached the front door, Joel banged on it angrily. “Tommy!” He shouted.

“Joel, I saw you less than 4 hours ago what could you…” Tommy started when Joel grabbed him back his shirt collar and pushed him into the apartment.

“Did you know about the attack today.” Joel snarled.

“What?”

“The bomb, just down the road, did you plant that?”

Tommy had joined the Fireflies almost immediately after they had moved to the QZ. Joel had been livid, but he also recognized that maybe this was Tommy’s twisted way of making up for the things that they had done. Maybe he thought this was saving people.

“Joel you know I can’t tell you that.”

Joel instantly socked Tommy square in the jaw.

“What the fuck!” Tommy gasped.

“There were people in that building you bombed, innocent people. I pulled a woman out of there that’s foot was completely crushed, if she survives she is never going to be able to walk again. What is she supposed to do then? You think F.E.D.R.A. isn’t going to give a shit, that she can’t walk. How is she going to feed herself Tommy. Jesus fuck. And there were kids in there Tommy. Fucking kids. We pulled a three year old out of there with a head injury whose parents died. You still think your firefly fucks are the good guys?”

Tommy stood there, stunned. He knew that Joel was against the fireflies. Hell Joel had been extremely vocal about how much he didn’t like that Tommy was a part of them. But nothing like this.

“You and Tess, you were helping people?” He asked.

Joel froze. He hadn’t thought through what sort of questions his reaction would arise. And he was not at all equipped to handle them.

“No, uh. Not Tess.” Joel responded quickly.

“Then who is we?”

“Y/N.”

“Y/N Kelley?” Tommy sighed. “Fuck Joel, please tell me you don’t mean Y/N Kelley.”

“She asked for my help Tommy. I wasn’t going to say no.”

“Why the fuck not, you have said no to plenty of people before. Why now? Is it cause some pretty piece of ass comes knocking at your door…”

“Watch your mouth!” Joel snapped.

Tommy sighed.

“Joel, F.E.D.R.A. does not like her, the Fireflies do not like her. The only people who like her are the citizens. She causes so many problems.”

“She helps people Tommy. Is that a fucking crime?”

“It is when you are married to a fucking F.E.D.R.A officer.” Tommy snapped. “She is dangerous. Now I don’t know how you know her, and I don’t know why you seem to care so much about her, but you need to stop. She could get you in deep shit with F.E.D.R.A. or worse killed.”

Joel sighed. “I helped her the one time, ok, that’s it.”

“Good, and that better be it.”

Joel rolled his eyes as he turned and left without saying another word.

As he walked into the hallway he walked straight into Y/N.

“I’m sorry…” Y/N started when she saw that it was Joel. “Oh just the person I was looking for.”

Joel looked over his shoulder making sure that the door to Tommy’s apartment was shut, before he roughly grabbed Y/N’s arm and lead her down the hall.

“What the hell are you doing back here?” He snapped and Y/N was taken aback by his aggressive tone.

“I just wanted to thank you again for your help today.” Y/N said as she stared into Joel’s eyes.

“Alright you thanked me now go.”

“What the fuck Joel?” Y/N snapped. “Why are you acting like this.”

“Because I have wasted my whole afternoon with you, missed my shift, and now you are back trying to take up more of my fucking time.” He sneered.

Y/N froze her mouth agape with shock. It took her a moment to compose herself before she ripped her elbow out of his grasp. “Fuck you.” She snapped as she stormed away, leaving Joel in the hallway alone, his heart broken.

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Clandestine Meetings (Joel Miller x Reader) Chapter 3

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Joel Miller x Reader

Joel get's recruited to help injured civilians after a Firefly attack, and he grows closer to the reader while doing so.

Word Count: 3099

Rating M: For later chapters , description of injuries.

He almost didn’t hear the knocking at first as he lay on the couch napping, his mind deep in his usual dream. That night with Sarah, the last night with Sarah. But he woke with a start when he heard his name called.

“Joel,” The voice said as it pounded once again on the door.

Joel groaned as he stood up, his knees aching and popping as he did so. With no sense of urgency he made his way to the door, sure that it was just a “client” who had run out and was in need of a fix. As he threw the door open, he felt his heart sink to his stomach, as Y/N stood in front of him. Her shirt was soaked in blood, her hands caked in it, and there were smears of it all over her face.

Instantly he ran to her, grabbing her by her arms and pulling her inside slamming the door behind him.

“What happened? Where are you hurt? Where is the bleeding coming from?” He said as he began to scan her up and down looking for an injury or some sorce of the blood. “Who did this to you?” He growled his voice dark.

“No, I’m fine, it’s not my blood.” Y/N said as she reached out and placed her hand on his chest. She could feel his heart beating rapidly and his breathing was shallow. “Joel, look at me I’m ok.” She said.

Joel took a moment, staring into her eyes, before giving her one final once over just to be sure she wasn’t lying then he took a step back, getting too overwhelmed with their closeness. He cleared his throat as he tried to right his breathing and calm the murderous thoughts that had started to form in his mind when thinking about who might have hurt her.

“What happened?” He asked again the level of concern still present but toned way down.

“The Fireflies, they set off another bomb in town. It was a F.E.D.R.A building but the building next to it was also affected. There were a lot of people in those buildings and they are hurt. I need help transporting the injured to the hospital. No one will help me.” She said her voice filled not with fear but with frustration and Joel could see that her eyes were beginning to water.

Joel wasn’t the type of person to interfere in situations like these. He knew that it would only and in trouble for all parties involved. The fight was between the Fireflies and F.E.D.R.A and all anyone else could do was try their best to stay out of the way.

“Y/N I…” He started.

“Joel, please.” She said but her voice wasn’t pleading it was demanding. “Most of these people were sleeping, preparing to work another demanding shift tonight, or trying to make themselves food, or doing who cares what! They didn’t deserve to get blown up, and they don’t deserve to die on the street. Now please will you help me.”

There was no fighting with her and Joel knew that, so he nodded and followed her out of the apartment and out in the street. The explosion hadn’t happened that far from his place, Joel was surprised he hadn’t heard it, but with how many bombs the Fireflies had been setting off, he had grown almost used to the sound.

The closer the approached the louder the sound of wailing and screaming became. Joel could see people who were blooded and covered with debris and dust, running away from the scene. Those who were lingering and disoriented, the minute their eyes landed on Y/N they made their way towards her.

“Y/N,” They all called as they reached out for her pawing at her and grabbing onto her clothes. Joel almost felt the need to step in between them and push them back, trying to get some room. But he stopped as he watch her grasp onto them as well, making sure that none of them were severely injured.

“Once Joel and I have made sure your injuries do not need tending to, please head home. It won’t be long before the F.E.D.R.A. officers show up and I don’t want any of you getting caught in the crossfires alright!” She called as she made her way towards a particular section crawling over the rubble.

Suddenly she stumbled over a piece of rebar and Joel instinctively reached out and grabbed her waist steadying her.

She turned back to look at him, her cheeks flushing pink again.

“Thank you,” She replied and then she pushed forward again.

It didn’t take long for Joel to see where they were headed. About 15 or so feet in front of them, there was a woman who was pinned under some rubble. From her injuries, Joel could tell that this is where most of the blood that covered Y/N had come from.

“Joel, I need your belt.” Y/N said as she quickened her pace, Joel following suit.

Most of the rubble had been removed all that remained was a large piece that pinned the woman’s foot underneath. And just from the part of her leg that was visible, Joel could tell that her foot had been crushed.

“Y/N,” Joel started cautiously knowing that there was not much they were going to be able to do to help her.

“Belt, please.” She responded reaching her hand out as she knelt down next to the woman.

Joel quickly did as he was told, unhooking his belt and handing it to her.

“Mary,” Y/N soothed as she grabbed the woman’s hand. “Mary, Joel here is going to help me move this rock ok.”

“Y/N,” Mary sobbed as she held on so tightly to Y/N hand, Joel could see she was cutting off blood flow. “I don’t want to die, please don’t let me die.”

“Hey, look at me. You are not going to die ok. Joel and I, we are going to help you.”

Y/N then took the belt and carefully looped it around Mary’s leg right near where her foot.

“Now Mary this is going to hurt ok, but I have to make sure that we can try to stop the blood flow, ok.”

Mary just nodded and without saying another word Y/N tighten the belt as hard as she could, causing Mary to scream loudly.

“I know, I know Mary I’m sorry. But Joel and I we are going to try to move the rock now, and then we are going to get you some help.” Y/N said as she locked eyes with Joel. He was already one step ahead of her. They moved down both grabbing the rock, when suddenly someone came up to Y/N roughly grabbing her and pushing her backwards.

“I need help!” He screamed as she held her roughly.

“Simon, I will help you after I help Mary, please just calm down.” Y/N replied calmly.

“Calm down!” Simon screamed. “The right half of my face has been blown off,” And Joel could see that Simon’s face was covered in blood and there was a bloody hole where his ear had been. “Fuck you bitch!” Simon screamed again this time shoving Y/N hard into the brick wall behind her, and Joel could hear her head crack against the bricks.

In an instant, he was up and his hand grasped the collar of Simon’s shirt, pulling him in.

“Don’t fucking touch her!” Joel growled fully prepared to kill this man when he felt two hands gently grab his forearm.

“Joel, it’s fine, let him go.” Y/N said.

Joel looked back at Y/N, his eyes full of fury. But she just nodded. “It’s fine. We need to help Mary.”

He turned back to Simon and let go of his shirt. “Get the fuck out of here.” He sneered and then shoved Simon back.

As Simon hurried away, Joel turned his full attention back to Y/N as she knelt next to Mary again ready to lift the rock.

“Ok Mary, we are going to lift the rock now.”

Again Y/N locked eyes with Joel, and she mouthed “one, two, three” and then they lifted the extremely heavy rock off Mary’s foot as she screamed. Joel had been right, her foot was crushed, all he could see was a mess of blood tissue and bones.

“Joel can you help me carry her to the med area?” Y/N asked and Joel just nodded scooping up Mary with ease. “Ok everyone, we will be right back, please if you see anyone else who is seriously injured help them!”

They had just started to walk out of the rubble when suddenly they could hear the sound of a child crying.

Y/N froze her eyes scanning the rubble looking for the source, when she spotted a small child standing in the middle of a large pile of debris crying.

“Oh baby,” She said as she rushed to her side, the little girl couldn’t have been more than 3 years old. “What happened? Where are mommy and daddy?” The girl had a large gash on her head that was bleeding. “Don’t worry I’m going to take care of that.” Y/N ripped off a section of her shirt to tie around the girls head.

“Y/N.” Joel called and when she turned he gestured to just behind the pile of rubble the girl was stanindg on, and that’s when Y/N saw it. Two unmoving bodies.

“Ok, it’s ok, I’ve got you, I’m going to take you somewhere and they will make you feel better, come here sweetie.” Y/N scooped up the little girl and made her way quickly back to Joel.

Luckily, the med area wasn’t far away from the explosion, so Joel and Y/N reached it quickly. However the minute they walked through the doors they found chaos in front of them, injured people from the explosion, injured F.E.D.R.A. members, as screaming and crying, filling the small space with a wall of sound.

“We can’t take anymore people right now,” A voice called. “You are just going to have to wait… oh Y/N.” The woman behind the counter stopped as she looked at Y/N and then at Joel.

“Nancy, there are still a bunch more people who need help, I’m going to bring them here, I need you guys to help them.”

“Y/N, F.E.D.R.A has already announced that we need to start turning people away, at least until we help all of the officers that are in here already.”

“I don’t give a shit what F.E.D.R.A. said, there are people hurt, and they need help and you are going to help them!”

Nancy gave Y/N an exasperated look, and then her focus turned to Joel. The minute she really got a good look at him, and Mary who was still writhing in pain in his arms, her brows furrowed, looked back towards Y/N confused.

“He’s with me.” Y/N said. “Now this little cutie needs her head looked at and then we are going to have to talk with Peter about finding her somewhere to stay.

“Her parents?” Nancy asked, and Y/N just shook her head. “Ok come to Nancy sweetie, I’m sure I can’t find you a teddy to play with while we fix your boo-boo.” Nancy grabbed the still crying child before she gave Y/N one last look. “If F.E.D.R.A comes after me for this…”

“You can tell them it was my fault, send them my way.” Y/N said confidently as she turned back to Joel. “Let me grab someone to help.” Then she vanished for a moment into the back rooms, before appeared with another young man the two of them pushing a wheelchair.

“This is the best we could do.” The young man said as Y/N reached out and help Joel carefully set Mary into it.

“Mary, they are going to take care of you. I’m going to go back to help some others, but I promise you are going to be ok.” Y/N took Mary’s hand once more.

“Thank you Y/N.” Mary said giving her hand a good squeeze before the young man rolled her back behind the curtains.

Y/N stood there for a moment, wiping the sweat from her brow, feeling the blood smear across her face even more. She took a deep breath, trying to steady her thoughts. Joel was about to ask her if she was ok, when she turned back and reached out to Joel grabbed his arm lightly.

“Come on, let’s see if anyone else needs our help.” She said as she took off again back towards the bomb sight.

The two of them spent then next hour and a half help people, luckily anyone else who was still alive and still around the site weren’t in to terrible of shape. Y/N went around to each of them giving them a one over, patching up their wounds to the best of her ability. Joel followed helping where he could but mostly he just watched. He watched Y/N calm demenor as she greeted everyone and help them. She also talked to them about places they could stay, apartments of friends who would take them in, or apartments that she knew had vacancies.

By the time F.E.D.R.A. officers showed up, everyone had cleared out.

“Come on let’s go.” Y/N said catching the glimpse of her husband in the crowd, wanting to get away as fast as possible before he saw her. Joel recognized this, and without a word, he began to walk with her back to his apartment.

“Thank you for helping me.” Y/N said as they walked up the stairs. “I hope this didn’t screw up your plans for the day.” She cracked a small smile.

Joel was late for the shift he had signed up for by a good 20 minutes, but he wasn’t about to tell Y/N, and he wasn’t about to leave her either.

“Well,” They stopped in front of his door. “I guess I will see you around Joel.” Y/N said as she turned to leave.

“Wait,” Joel responded reaching out for her reach. “Come inside.”

“What?”

“That asshole pushed you hard into the wall I want to make sure you don’t have a concussion.” Joel continued as he opened the door, hoping that Tess hadn’t come back from a job yet. To his luck, he found the apartment empty.

“Joel I think I’m ok…”

“The last thing I need is to be worrying about you collapsing on your walk home darlin’, please.”

Y/N blushed again at the use of the nickname. “Ok.”

In silence Y/N followed Joel into the apartment, taking everything, or the lack of things in. She couldn’t help but smile when she saw the butterfly in the window. She was positive that Joel hadn’t put it there, but it made her smile knowing he hadn’t taken it down either. Maybe Joel Miller wasn’t as rough around the edges as he liked to seem.

“Come here,” Joel instructed as he lead her to the windows trying to get better light. “Now look at me.” Joel thought back to the times that Sarah had gotten a concussion during soccer, he remembered the signs. “Shit, it looks like you might have a small concussion, I’m not positive though.”

“Does that mean I’m about to collapse at any minute.” Y/N teased as she pretended like she was going to faint.

Joel smiled slightly. “Nah, just means I would try not to fall asleep tonight.”

“Oh yeah, wouldn’t want to fall into a coma and miss out on all the great things happening in the world.” She said but even through the sarcasm Joel could hear a hint of sadness.

The two stood in an awkward silenece for a long moment, before Joel broke it.

“Did you want a change of clothes?”

Y/N looked down at her own clothes for the first time that day and realized how horrible everything looked.

“Oh.”

“I figured you don’t want to be walking around covered in blood. We also have some water around here, we can get you cleaned up.”

“Yeah, that would be great, although I might pass on the clothes, I think my husband would freak if he saw me in another man’s clothes.”

“Oh no, Tess should have some clothes you can use.” Joel said as he walked away heading back into the bedroom.

“Tess.” Y/N said quietly to herself.

Joel and Tess didn’t have a lot of spare clothes, they usually just kept the essentials, but they did try to scrounge up at least a few shirts and pants for if their usually ones got ruined. It wasn’t like they had a wash to properly wash them. But Joel found a tattered shrit and pant, and brought them back to Y/N.

“Thank you,” She said.

“The bathroom has a water jug and some cloth you can use to wipe off, and then change.”

“Thank you,” Y/N said again as she disappeared for a few minutes before reappearing. “How do I look?” She said as she strutted out, causing Joel to laugh. It took him a minute to compose himself and when he did he saw that Y/N had missed a spot just along her chin. “One thing.” He disappeared into the bathroom bringing out the damp cloth. Then he reached one hand up and placed it on Y/N’s other cheek and tilted her head so he could see it better, then slowly began to wipe the rest of the blood off.

The whole time Y/N couldn’t take her eyes off his face; the way he squinted when he concentrated, the freckles that were scattered around his face from the sun.

“There ,” Joel said as he locked eyes with Y/N. They were so close they could feel each others breath on their faces. “Perfect.” Joel breathed as he leaned in to kiss Y/N.

Suddenly the sound of somewhere clearing their throat caused both Joel and Y/N to back away quickly, turning to see Tess standing in the doorway.

“What the fuck.” She exclaimed.

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Clandestine Meeting (Joel Miller x Reader) Chapter 2

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Joel Miller x Reader

Joel's life has been filled with darkness and despair. For years it has felt as though his life had been drained of all color. He never dreamed that he would find anything to change that. That is until one day he finds a girl who becomes his rainbow.

Word Count: 1056

Rating M: For later chapter right now it's just a meet-cute.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Discussion of DV, nothing graphic, but talk about bruises.

These first two chapters are just going to be short little vignettes, I wanted to establish some groundwork with the characters before we start getting into the meat and potatoes of the story. Please show some love, would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you!!!

The next time Joel saw her was a few days later. And the minute his eyes saw her, his day instantly brightened. He couldn’t explain it, he didn’t under how one person could have such an effect on him. And yet there she was, a smile on her face as she walked down the street, her wagon of water behind her.

The minute others began to catch sight of her, they began flocking to her cart, begging for water, and she greeted them all by name. She knew who everyone was, what their story was, how they had ended up in Boston. She took the time and effort to treat everyone like actual people, as if the world hadn’t ended, and life was normal.

“She is an angel,” He had once heard and older woman call her and he couldn’t help but smile. Y/N was bringing humanity back in her own small ways, to a situation where it felt like ti had been lost forever.

It was a nice moment until two F.E.D.R.A officers showed up causing the crowds to scatter and get back to their work. But Joel still stared at Y/N, watching indently as the officer grabbed her roughly by the arm. She quickly pushed back as she stood her ground against them. He couldn’t hear what they were saying, but he could see from her expression and her body language that she had a fire in her. She wasn’t afraid to stand up for herself.

That didn’t stop the F.E.D.R.A officers from kicking her cart over sending the water jugs spilling all over the hot cement. Joel had to physically stop himself from running over and pummeling the two officers, but having spent time in F.E.D.R.A lockup, it wasn’t something he wanted to experience again, no matter how much his blood boiled.

As soon as he saw that the officers had moved out of sight, he rushed to Y/N’s side as she knelt on the ground picking up her bottles and cups.

“Thanks Joel,” She sighed as she smiled at him. Joel was surprised that she remembered his name.

For a brief moment, Joel saw her smile fade, and he saw the sadness that was behind her eyes, and it made his blood boil even more thinking that someone as lowly as a F.E.D.R.A. officer could hurt her.

“Does this happen often?” He asked, surprised at himself for even speaking up.

“Unfortunely. Some of these F.E.D.R.A. officers are absolute dicks.” She said and Joel could help but let out a laugh hearing her cuss.

“I’m suprised they would mess with you, seeing as your husband is an officer as well.”

As he said this, he watched as she froze, instinctively she began to play with her ring. “Oh I’m sure Will sent them. He hates that I do this. Says it embarrasses him.”

“Sounds like your husband is kind of a dick.” And this time it was her turn to laugh.

After they had finished getting her cart back in order, Joel didn’t want to leave, he didn’t want to go back to work. When he was around Y/N things felt better, he felt better.

“If anyone messes with you, you let me know ok. You come find me.” He said as he pointed to his apartment building. “I live there, third floor apartment 5, I think, numbers been missing for what looks like years.”

Y/N chuckled slightly. “Ok Joel.”

“Hey!” A loud voice boomed and Joel knew without looking it was the F.E.D.R.A. foreman. “Get back to work!”

“You better go, I don’t want to get you into trouble,” Y/N said.

Joel just nodded, as the thought of not seeing her for while again made him retreat back into himself.

He turned to head back when suddenly she called after him again.

“Wait,” She said as she scrambled through her bag before pulling something out palming it discreetly as she held her hand out to him. “Thank you for helping me.”

Joel reached out, shaking her hand and secretly taking the object.

“Anytime,” He responded as he quickly stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked away. He made sure he was out of view, before he pulled it out, shocked to find a small baggie of coffee, real coffee.

It was almost a week before Joel saw Y/N again, but this time she wasn’t handing out anything. Instead she was walking, well behind dragged down the street by her husband, who had a rough grip on her arm.

“Let me go!” She snapped, and Joel immediately began to take steps towards her.

However the minute she caught Joel’s figure in her peripheral she turned to look at him, her eyes widening with fear as she watched him move closer. In an instant she stopped fighting, and instead wrapped her other arm around her husbands and quickend her step so she was walking with him instead of behind him. Her demineor immediately changed but her eyes still full of fear as they stayed locked with Joel’s. All she did was shake her head before she broke her gaze with Joel and looked ahead. With that Joel halted and watched them turn the corner and vanish from view.

This wasn’t the first time Joel had suspected that Y/N’s husband maybe be hurting her. He had seen the bruises, or how she wore long sleeves even in the 90 degree heat. Or when she had shown up with a black eye, and would tell anyone who asked that she had fallen and hit her eye on the side of some furniture piece. But he didn’t know her well enough, hell he didn’t know her at all, how was he going to broach that subject. And yet, he still felt like he needed to protect her. He needed to find some way to get her help. And after that moment he saw her in the street, he told himself the next time he had the chance, he would talk to her about it.

What he hadn’t anticipated was the next time he saw her, she would be on his doorstep covered in blood.

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#joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #joel miller x you #tlou

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meganwritesfanfics · 5 months

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Masterlist

Movies

Star Wars

No One Is Ever Really Gone (Kylo Ren/Ben Solo X Reader) Masterlist

Snoke rules the galaxy along side the First Order, and in his pocket he has Kylo Ren, a deadly Sith master. General Leia is searching for the location of her brother Luke, so that he can help the Resistance defeat the First Order. Poe Dameron is her best pilot. One woman thought to be lost by all may turn out to be the key to bringing down the First Order, and saving Ben Solo.

Dark Side of Me (Request)

Delirium (Request)

Avengers

Reality Check (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Beloved

Part 1

West Wing

Josh Lyman x Reader

Baby Bottle

Y/N has a secret that she needs to tell Josh, but finding time to do so is turning out to be a challenge

Born in the U.S.A.

Josh and Y/N are ready to be parents, but when Y/N goes into labor in the White House, the whole West Wing is turned upside down.

Fresh Bruises

The return of the Readers abusive ex, causes major problems for the reader and Josh.

Criminal Minds

Spencer Reid x Reader

Unspoken Engagement

While Spencer is away on a case, his brand new fiance is kidnapped and held captive. It is a race against the clock, for the team to hunt down the unsub, and save the Reader before it is too late.

Comfort in the Night

Months after being kidnapped by Cassandra, the reader is struggling with nightmares. She is hesitant to tell Spencer about them, for fear of becoming a burden. Spencer insists he is there to comfort her.

Blacklist

Don’t Take the Girl

While undercover with the infamous, Raymond Reddington, the reader and Red run into trouble. A mobster who has it out for Red. And when he finds the soft spot Red holds for the reader, the simple uncover operation turns deadly, and the reader is about to find out how much she truly means to Red, and the lengths he is willing to go to protect her

A Little Fall of Rain (One Shot)

Bones

Buried Nightmares

Ever since he and Dr. Brennen had been kidnapped by the Gravedigger, Jack Hodgins had nightmares, nightmares about being buried alive again, nightmares about suffocating, nightmares about being utterly alone. Never in those nightmares did he imagine the love of his life being in danger. The Gravedigger is about to change that. When the reader is kidnapped, the team at the Jeffersonian must race against the clock to save her, before she become another one of the Gravedigger’s victims.

Supernatural

Breaking Point (One Shot)

The reader and John Winchester had never really gotten along. She hated the way he treated the boys, especially Dean. And after years of dating the eldest Winchester boy, Y/N has learned all about John’s abuse, so when the word “proud” comes out of his mouth, she knows something isn’t right.

With Arms Wide Open

The reader makes a deal with Azazel to save Dean’s life, only its not her own life that she trades, but that of her unborn baby. After Azazel decides to wait until the baby is born to cash in on the deal. The Winchester’s and the reader find out however, Azazel isn’t the only one who is after the child.

The Last of Us

Don’t Know Much Masterlist

Clandestine Meeting

Ted Lasso

Diamond Dogs to the Rescue

Sweetest Moments

What If He Hates Me

One in the Same (Request)

Jamie Tartt x Reader

Hell I’m Just a Kid Myself

Be the Man I Have to Be

What a Lovely Way of Saying How Much You Love Me

You Are My Sunshine

No Son of Mine

Take the Heart from my Chest

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meganwritesfanfics · 5 months

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Clandestine Meetings (Joel Miller x Reader) Chapter 1

Next Chapter

Joel Miller x Reader

Word Count: 1552

Rating M: For later chapter. Right now it's just a meet-cute. Some angst from Joel, but kind of fluffy.

Honestly, I didn't expect to be making this series. I had planned a one-shot around the idea of this reader character. But when I started to write a small background scene, I realized how great of a series this could make. I have ideas of where I would like this to go, and I would love to hear your feedback and ideas, but I am very excited to get this started.

It had been a few months since Joel, Tommy, and Tess had found themselves inside the Boston QZ and Joel felt as if he was going stir-crazy. After years of roaming, it felt weird to be trapped behind walls, and to be trapped with the F.E.D.R.A officers was even worse. But things had changed, Tommy had changed. And Joel could see the wear of the years, and what the years had brought, on Tommy.

Not only that but Joel needed a change. He still knew that he would do anything to protect his brother, and now Tess. But having done horrible and despicable things to keep them safe, he needed somewhere that wouldn’t require him to destroy his own soul to do that. Plus it had also been years since he slept in an actual bed, even if it was just the shitty mattress that F.E.D.R.A had given them.

And while the work that F.E.D.R.A required it’s “citizens” to participate in was back breaking, demeaning, and horrific. Some days Joel didn’t mind it. It gave him something to do, distracted his mind, kept his hands busy. Not to mention it gave him many chances to meet knew “clients,” for his and Tess’ business.

Almost instantly when they had arrived Joel and Tess had started smuggling. It brought in a good income, plus they could trade for some otherwise impossible items from F.E.D.R.A. officiers. Plus Joel liked having some power over F.E.D.R.A officers, it made it easier to get out of scrapes, when his clients knew that if anything happen to him or Tess they would lose their suppliers.

But as the days, weeks, and months dragged on life seemed to fade into monotony. His life had already lost it’s color and light when he lost Sarah, but now it seemed to descend to a sad, depressing grayscale.

That was until he saw her.

He hadn’t even noticed her at first. Joel had been so tuned out to the world around him as he moved the bodies, he didn’t even see as the workers around him began to wander away. He just kept picking the bodies up from the truck, and dropping them in the fire. It was probably one of the worst jobs F.E.D.R.A had, but it paid and not many people chose it, so it meant that there were always slots open.

Suddenly he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. He turned and his whole world stopped when he saw her. Joel wasn’t what you would call a romantic by any means, and after the shit he had been through, love or anything close to it had never even crossed his mind. But when he saw her, for a moment he felt his heart skip a beat. He felt as though his whole world was Kansas at the beginning of the Wizard of Oz, and this girl was his Oz. She beamed, even with all of the destruction around her, she gave off a feeling of comfort and warmth.

And there she was, standing around the workers, pouring out jugs of water into small tin cups. He could see beside her was a small wagon filled with even more jugs. He was taken aback by the act of kindness. Immediately his first thought was ‘what could she possibly be benefiting from this.’ Because of course no one in this world could act with genuine kindness their had to be a catch.

There was something about her though, for however much Joel’s heart ached at the sight of her, Joel’s mind hated her. How dare someone look so perfect, and happy with everything going on in the world. How dare she stir something inside of him that he never wanted to feel. How dare someone like her exist in this cruel and unforgiving world.

From that moment, Joel swore to himself that he would avoid her at any cost. Any time she came around with her cart of water, or even when she brought around food, he would hide in the shadows, or just walk off the job entirely, not even caring if he didn’t get paid. She made him feel something, something that terrified him, and Joel had vowed a long time ago to never let anything make him feel like that ever again.

But even with his hiding and running away, that didn’t mean he didn’t steal glances at her every time he had the chance. And the more jobs he took in town the more he saw her. He even tried taking jobs at early and late shifts, and yet she still was there. It seemed the harder the job, the more often she would show up throughout the day. And she wasn’t just there to pass out the water and food. Sometimes she would just show up for a moment of conversation. Joel would watch her as she talked with people, laughing with them, crying with them, pulling them into her arms for a comforting embrace.

And people would flock to her when they saw her, but not Joel. He still kept waiting for an explanation, some sort of answer as to why she was doing what she was. And he thought he had found it, when he saw her one day walking hand in hand down the street with a F.E.D.R.A officer, one of Joel’s best clients.

“That’s it,” Joel thought. “She must be pretending to gain people’s trust so she can sell them out to her F.E.D.R.A husband.” He had clocked the wedding ring on her finger early on. This was the only logical explanation he could come up with. Joel knew he had to keep an eye out for her, and make sure she never got close to him. And yet, he never told Tess or Tommy about her. The girl could be a threat to his buisness and lord knew Tommy was getting himself mixed in with a dangerous crowd. Even knowing this, he couldn’t bring himself to mention her.

All of that changed, one day he was working on street cleaning duty, it was the middle of summer and the heat was unbearable. Already three members of the crew had dropped and had to be carted away to a F.E.D.R.A hospital for heat exhaustion. And it must have been the heat that caused Joel not to be on his a game, and on the hunt for the girl. Because the next thing he knew he heard a beautiful voice behind him say

“Sir,”

He immediately turned and saw her y/e/c staring at him. There was a small smile on her face as she held out her hand which held a cup of water.

“Would you like some water?” She said and again the sound of her voice ripped through Joel and he almost shivered at the sound.

This was the first time she had ever approached him, of course, it wasn’t like he had ever given her a chance to. And in all the times he thought about her, and planned out what he would do if this happened, he never knew how he would feel when it did. He felt like he was a teenage boy again, with a crush on the most popular girl in school. And all he wanted to do was fall at her feet and worship the ground he walked on.

“It is a very hot day, and I’m sure some water would do you good.” She piped up again.

Joel just grunted as he reached out and took the water from her. He immediately averted his gaze on her as he took a drink. Not even truly realizing how dehydrated he was until he could feel the cool liquid coat his dry throat. Without looking at her again he handed her back the cup.

“Thank you.” She said and stopped and immediately looked at her.

“For what?” He snapped.

“I know these jobs aren’t easy, and I know you aren’t treated the way you all should be. So thank you.” She smiled, and she sounded entirely sincere.

For a moment Joel thought she must be an insanely good actress, but the more he looked into her warm and comforting gaze, he realized that she actually meant it. And maybe for the first time in years, hell a decade, he had met someone who was genuinely good.

“I’m Y/N.” She extended her hand out towards him

“Joel,” He responded back as he took her hand, the feeling of their skin touching felt electric.

And before he had a chance to say anything else, other workers had come up to her begging for food and water. With a chance at escape, Joel slipped away heading back into the street and back to work, but not before stealing one last look back at Y/N. To his surprise he found her look at him, and when their eyes met, Y/N smiled as her cheeks turned a light shade of pink, and she quickly went back to looking at the people around her.

“I’m fucked.” Joel thought.

Next Chapter

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #smut fic #grumpy x sunshine #tlou #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut

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meganwritesfanfics · 7 months

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Yearling - Ch. 14: Time

You and Joel go on your first overnight patrol. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-13 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Violence against animals (not thoroughly described); canon-typical violence; canon-typical torture. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only

Length: 7.4k

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter

September 15, 2023

Time.

What you needed was time, that’s it, you had to buy time, enough time for any of it to matter.

Hercules was your largest horse. Your fastest but the hardest to control, the one with the biggest stride, the one you thought it would take more than one shot to take down. So you’d taken him.

Time, you just needed more fucking time.

You whistled and Ruger howled back. You shifted Hercules, going for the sound. She’d have at least some of them in her sights. You pushed the horse faster, harder, feeling his heavy breaths from your position on his back.

He was running full tilt when the gunshot cracked through the air. It was sharp and clear and you could hear the bullet as it passed you. You slung your rifle from over your shoulder and shifted the horse with your legs and body weight, the reins falling to his neck. A bullet whizzed past where your horse had been just a moment before but it was enough to give you an idea of the source and you caught a glimpse of him, a man in forest green and brown but the white of his skin caught your eye. You lifted the gun quickly and shot. He dropped and you whistled again, another howl from Ruger in response. You followed it.

Your dog wasn’t far, tracking a group of about a dozen men from the trees. Her muzzle was bloodied which didn’t surprise you. You’d been tipped off to the attack by her sister, Gattling, running to the cabins with a chunk of flesh dangling from her jaws.

It felt like you hadn’t breathed since then, jumping into action to do everything you could to protect your home, protect what mattered.

But there was only so much you could do against numbers like this. All you could really hope to do was buy time.

“Ruger,” you kept your voice low, the men just 100 feet away through the forest. You doubted you’d even see them if you didn’t know the area, didn’t know how to hunt and stalk through the brush. Her head snapped toward you. “Heel.”

She slid obediently alongside the legs of your horse and you pressed Hercules quietly forward. You turned your horse so you could push him in another direction as soon as your shot was clear, took a deep breath, and fired.

The men reacted quickly, but you were faster, not waiting to see if your shot found its target. staying low on your horse and pushing him back behind the group. They didn’t see you cut around behind them and you were able to line up your shot more freely that time, taking aim at a man toward the center.

“There’s gotta be two!” One yelled as you took off around the other side.

“Nah, just the bitch,” another man said. The leader, you were pretty sure, the man who had showed up at the edge of your land just days before on a horse, asking to trade for more. But he rubbed you the wrong way, the way his eyes ranged over you, his entitlement. You weren’t going to invite him closer to your home, you weren’t going to trade with him.

You hadn’t expected him to come back with this many others.

“She’s a feisty one,” he said. “Ain’t ya, Texas?”

You ground your teeth, lining up for another shot.

“Don’t want us getting any closer to whatever set up you’ve got back there, do ya?” He called, taunting. You pulled the trigger. A man on the end dropped. “You really think you can outlast us? You moved too quick on those first two shots so you’re one in three and I got more men, Baby Doll. We’ll get ya, don’t you worry that pretty little head.”

“Fuck you!” You bit out, shooting another man, not bothering to move this time. The men were changing position, turning to face you, taking cover. You looked down at your dog, still glued to Hercules’ side. “Ruger, Attack.”

She launched forward, a bullet from the gun that was her namesake, snarling and racing for the man who was closest. She hurtled herself against him just as you got off another shot, dropping another man.

The man Ruger attacked screamed and you watched him go down.

“Someone get this fucking dog!” He shrieked.

“Ruger, kill!” You yelled to her, aiming again. But when you pulled the trigger, it jammed. You tried to force it again and again but it wasn’t going.

It was an old gun, you’d had it since the earliest days of the outbreak and it was hardly new then. You weren’t surprised that something had gone wrong. You just wished it had picked any other time. You hadn’t taken your handgun or shot gun. You were down to this and your knife.

You adjusted your hold on the weapon so the butt of the gun was facing out and roared, charging forward on Hercules as you heard the bloody gurgle of Ruger finishing her victim.

“There!” A man yelled, someone finally getting a bead on you through the brush.

“Want her alive!” The man in the lead yelled. “Just shoot the fuckin’ horse!”

You plowed forward anyway, you didn’t have much choice, landing a hit on a man with the butt of your gun, sending him flying with the force of it as you tore past on Hercules.

For half a moment, you wondered if maybe - just maybe - you could pull this off. Their numbers had taken a hit, if you could get through the group, send Ruger after another one or two, draw them to you on your terms…

And the first shot hit Hercules.

His steps stuttered and he let out a pained cry but he kept going as you raised your gun to strike another man. Then another shot caught him, right in the chest near the base of his neck, and his legs buckled, sending you flying forward over his head, tumbling onto the ground.

It only took a second for hands to be on you and you shrieked and kicked and swung blindly with your gun but it was quickly wrested away.

There was a vicious snarl and Ruger tore into the fray, latching her teeth around a man’s forearm. He released you and screamed, the sound earsplitting, followed by the crack of a gunshot and a sharp whimper.

“No!” You shrieked, trying to throw the men off you but they held you in place so you couldn’t even see her, just hear her pained, afraid sounds. “It’s OK, you’re such a good girl, it’s OK…”

The man who had showed up days before prowled forward and grabbed your chin, smirking as he leaned over you. Even in the dim light of the forest at dusk you could see the sickening look on his face. Like you were something he was about to consume.

“You’re even prettier up close,” he said. “Think you’ll be lots of fun.”

“Try it,” you hissed through your teeth. “Bite your fuckin’ dick off.”

“How about you cooperate,” he said. “Or we go see just what it is you’re hiding up at that homestead of yours.”

You just panted for breath glaring at him.

“That’s what I thought.”

You tried to think of how long it had been since Gattling ran up to you, part of a man’s body dangling from her teeth.

You just hoped you’d bought enough time.

August 3, 2026

“You really don’t have anything to be worried about.”

Ellie was perched on a rail as you worked with the last of the feral horses, Artemis. You’d gotten her to dumb broke but she still needed a little time to get her the rest of the way.

“I’m not worried,” you said, guiding Artemis in a zig-zagging pattern through the paddock.

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Ellie rolled her eyes.

“Shut it, kid,” you glared at her. “I’m not.”

“Well, you’re acting fucky,” she said. “From everything I’ve heard about overnight patrols, they’re basically like camping and shit.”

“The fuck do you know about camping?” You asked, bringing the horse back around. “Didn’t you grow up in a QZ as a sad little orphan?”

“Ha ha,” she rolled her eyes again. She was such a teenager. “I can read, you know, I know what camping was. And everyone who goes on the overnight patrols make them sound fun and shit. Get out of town for a night, be in the woods, maybe shoot an infected or two…”

“Sounds like a blast,” you brought the horse around to her. “Want to give her a go? She’s in a good groove.”

“Hell yeah!”

You dismounted and held the reins while Ellie got situated on her back. You gave her a quick reminder of the ways to guide the horse, telling her she might need a second to respond to commands or something a little firmer than she was used to giving with Shimmer.

“I’ve got it, geez Mom,” she teased. You mockingly mouthed the words back at her as you handed her the reins. You stuck close as she took Artemis around the paddock. “You worry too much.”

“Stop acting like a stupid teenager and I won’t worry,” you replied.

“Hey, I wasn’t even talking about that!” She said, indignant. You’d yelled at her the day before when you’d caught her climbing on the roof of the stable to get a frisbee down for some kids who’d been playing in the street nearby. She’d acted personally offended that you’d had the audacity to think she might break her neck doing shit like that. “I mean, you worry too much about shit like the patrol. I can tell you’re basically freaking the fuck out…”

“Am not!”

“And I’m telling you, you have nothing to worry about,” she said. “It’s cool. We haven’t lost someone on patrol in a long time. You don’t need to worry about that.”

“You realize that I lived, on my own, in the wild, for longer than you’ve been alive, right?” You asked, brows raised. “Watch your legs, you’re relaxing them too much, you need to keep your knees in closer.” She adjusted. “Being outside overnight doesn’t bother me.”

“So what’s got you all fucky?” She asked.

“Nothing,” you lied. “Will you focus on the horse, please? Gonna get yourself hurt because you’re not paying attention.”

“Whatever you say,” she said, skeptical of all of it.

She was right to be. You were freaking out but not about the patrol part. About being outside, alone, with Joel.

Things had felt… different with him since the Simon incident. You’d already been close, already took comfort in sleeping next to him when running down the feral horses, already liked having him close by and liked feeling his hand against your back or at your hip.

But it was different now. It had gone from a comfort to a need. He hadn’t slept over since the night he came back from killing Simon and Ben and you missed him there next to you. It was hard to sleep without him there, your mind kept drifting to what he felt like pressed against you, his hand on your skin. The way you felt when looking at him, wanting to press your lips to his, wanting him to put his hands on you and pull you tight against him.

Part of you wondered if this is what it had always been like when you wanted someone before. It felt bigger now, headier, more dangerous. How much of that was because it was Joel and how much you cared for him? How much of it was the thrill of fear that ran through you when you thought of your body under the control of anyone but yourself?

The fear didn’t seem to dull the hot, throbbing want that was starting to take hold of you the moment you gave it a chance to blossom. You’d try to fall asleep and the image of your hands on Joel’s face, pulling him in to more devour your lips than kiss them as he pulled at your clothes was there, ready and eager. He’d look at you to make some silent comment on something, his brows raised, slight smile on his lips starting to make the edges of his eyes crinkle and you’d feel part of yourself get tight and achy and you were suddenly imagining what it would feel like to have his mouth on your breasts, your stomach, your sex. You had to fight the thoughts away, alarm bells ringing in the one part of your brain that didn’t seem to be drowning in want.

It was easy to picture what you would have done before. Before the outbreak, before Mitchum, before you were who you were now. You’d have gone up to him and made some smart assed remark and asked if he wanted to fuck and he would almost certainly say yes. You’d never had a man turn you down. And then you would fuck him and be at least somewhat sated and you could move on with your life. Or at least have a regular outlet if you weren’t.

But that wasn’t an option. You weren’t sure it would ever be an option with someone like Joel, someone who seemed so capable of swallowing you whole, of taking your entire being into himself and remaking you into something you didn’t recognize anymore. But it really wasn’t an option now. The thought of throwing yourself at him only to panic once his large hands cupped your breasts, the idea of him seeing the brand at your hip and seeing you like property, the notion of someone you cared so deeply for being the cause of that much fear and it tainting one of the only good things you’d found in the last few years.

That was too big a risk.

Your body didn’t seem to understand that.

Being alone, outside, with Joel, nowhere else to go? It was dangerous. It felt dangerous. But you had to do it. You had no reason not to. You’d just have to figure it out.

You didn’t sleep well the night before leaving for patrol, something you were sure was going to bode well. At least you’d be too tired by the time you stopped for the night for anything else to sound even remotely appealing.

“Alright,” you said, riding alongside Joel away from Jackson in the cool morning air. The trees were shrouded in fog, the insects and birds still quiet. “Walk me through it one more time.”

“We have one path out to the ski lodge,” he said. “We check up on anything we find out that way. We’ll probably run into a few infected this time of year but not much else. Should get to the lodge in time for dinner. We spend the night there. Come back to town a different route in the morning.”

“Right,” you said, trying to relax as you sat astride Renaissance. “Easy enough.”

“Specially for a deadeye like you,” Joel teased. “Had to do this route with Tommy before, it’s a wonder we survived.”

You huffed a small laugh.

“You telling me he’s not shooting infected from half a mile off after walking to school up hill both ways through the snow?”

Joel laughed back.

“Afraid not,” he said. “And he has no damn excuse, not with that scope…”

It didn’t take long for you to wonder just what it was you’d been anxious about. It was Joel. Just Joel. Your best friend, the person you trusted more than anyone else, the only person you wanted to be around just about all the time. It was going to be fine.

It was close to ten when you came across a few infected, a group of three. They looked to be recently turned, a man, a woman and someone who couldn’t be any older than Ellie. They looked almost disturbingly human compared to the clickers you usually were taking potshots at. They looked like a family.

Joel sighed heavily.

“Hate ones like this,” he said, lining up his rifle. “We need to clear out the ones who are bitin’ folks like this. You take the man, I’ve got the woman and kid.”

You nodded grimly, taking aim and blowing the head off the man. Joel killed the woman just as she turned to roar and run toward you and she fell, leaving just the kid. He hesitated.

“I can…” you said quietly.

“I got it,” he replied, voice gruff. He took the shot and the girl dropped.

“It’s a mercy,” you said, watching him as he slung his rifle over his shoulder again.

“I know,” he sighed. “Don’t make it any easier shootin’ a kid.”

You looked back toward where you knew the bodies were, part of you wanting to dig graves for the people they’d once been.

You just pressed on, Joel quiet for a while, face drawn. After a while, you started humming Born to Run and he looked at you, smiling just a little.

“What?” You asked.

“Springsteen, huh?”

“Well,” you shrugged. “Tramps like us…”

He smiled a little bigger, seeming a bit more like himself.

You stopped for lunch in the early afternoon, tucked against the thick trunk of a tree, the forest floor cool and calm, the sound of birds and bugs on the air. You leaned against Joel’s side, your legs straight out ahead of you so that your foot drooped onto his shin as you ate a peach, wiping the juice on the back of your wrist.

“Fuck I haven’t been this far out from Jackson like this in so long,” you said, looking out at the plants. Everything was cast in a dappled green hue, the soft light filtering down through the canopy. “It feels… I dunno, different somehow. I’ve done patrol before of course but…”

“I get it,” Joel said after you trailed off. “Kind of like just going for a hike when you lived in the city before.”

“Right,” you said. “Like we’re so disconnected from everything back there. Might as well be another world.”

You pulled the last of the flesh from the pit of the peach with your teeth and sucked your thumb clean.

“I used to just… live like this,” you sighed, shaking your head a little before you dropped it to Joel’s shoulder. “Seems like forever ago.”

He paused for a moment.

“Do you miss it?”

You thought, turning the sticky stone over in your fingers, feeling the ridges of it against your thumb.

“I don’t know,” you said eventually. “There are things about it I miss but what I miss most I could just… pick up and move to Jackson. It’s not like I have to be in the middle of nowhere just…” You sighed. “I do miss being this close to nature sometimes. I was never a city girl. Jackson’s hardly a metropolis but every now and then I look around and think ‘fuck there are a lot of people.’”

Joel was quiet for a bit.

“But you’ve stayed.”

It wasn’t a question, more of a statement, but you nodded anyway.

“Yeah,” you said. “I have. I… I like Jackson. The people are good, it’s quiet, I get to work with horses and help people while doing it. I have you.”

You glanced up at him for a moment when you said it but looked forward again quickly, not sure that you wanted to see what he’d think of his inclusion on the list. You threw the pit into the brush.

“I’m glad you stayed,” he said quietly.

“Just because I’m not about to let Ellie get killed by a horse?” You teased a little.

He laughed.

“Doesn’t hurt. But no, definitely not just that.”

You smiled a little when you heard a twig snap. Your head shot up and Joel all but leapt to his feet, tucking you behind him once you were up, too.

Your heartbeat got faster. The patrols that had gone out to investigate the X you’d found on the tree couldn’t track any recent paths. There was no way of knowing if it was raiders or just a person or two passing through, looking for a place to settle. After a few days, they’d given up until there was more to go off of. You’d hoped that there wouldn’t be.

“Joel,” you said quietly, getting your rifle out from Renaissance’s saddle. “Have there been raiders on this route before?”

“Years ago,” he said quietly. “Could be nothin’ but… Stay behind me, let me do the talkin’.”

There was another snap and you were able to locate the sound better than the first time, now that you were on alert and your ears were listening for it.

Joel moved quickly, stepping around you to be between you and the horses you could make out through the trees now. You kept your rifle aimed at the ground and peered around him, watching as the seven men rode up. All middle aged, all large, all armed. They were slow, confident. You adjusted your grip on your rifle and tightened your jaw.

“Somethin’ happens,” Joel said, not looking back at you, his voice low and quiet. “Take a horse, get back to Jackson as quick as you can.”

“Joel…”

“I mean it,” he looked back over his shoulder at you. “Don’t do anything stupid. I’ll buy you time, get the fuck away from here.”

You leaned around Joel to untie Ares and Renaissance from the tree you’d bound them to, looping their reins over your arm, their large bodies feeling oddly hot at your back.

“Howdy stranger,” the man at the center called out as he approached. “Sure would appreciate you puttin’ that rifle down.”

“Gimme a reason to and I will,” Joel said. “Who are you and what are you doing here?”

“Just a group of friends passin’ through,” the man said. You fought to not go plant yourself next to Joel. You didn’t want to leave him standing alone but you knew that, regardless of how capable you were, if these men saw you as a commodity, you would be a liability. You stayed put. “Haven’t spent much time around these parts, know the area well?”

“Well enough,” Joel said. “There’s a river, about 20 miles east. You’re gonna want to find it, cross it and keep going. It’ll keep you outta trouble.”

“That sounds an awful lot like a threat for a man outnumber seven to one,” the man’s fake smile was fading.

“Seven to two,” you snapped, unable to stop yourself.

The man stood up a little in his saddle to take a better look at you before he smirked and sat back again.

“Don’t think your little deer there counts as extra muscle,” he said.

“Seven to one, seven to two,” Joel shrugged. “No difference to me. Like those odds either way. Head on over to the river and be on your way and we won’t have any problems here.”

“Seems like there’s plenty of open country for all of us,” he replied. “Unless you’ve got something you’re protectin’.”

“Something besides your little toy of course,” a different man spoke this time, the sound of heavy footfalls as his horse stepped forward. His voice was familiar, in a way that made your stomach turn. You swallowed and peered around Joel. The man leaned over on his horse and looked you up and down. Joel glanced behind him to you and adjusted again, blocking their view.

“Not going to tolerate you talkin’ to her like that,” Joel said, his voice strained and rough. “We’ve been around this area for a while. It’s ours. We decide if there’s enough room and there’s not. Move. Along.”

“You look familiar,” the second man said, adjusting his horse again and you could just see him, frowning down at you. You narrowed your eyes, heart pounding, praying to a god you didn’t believe in that he couldn’t place you.

“Last chance,” Joel growled.

The man’s face shifted, from questioning to recognition. For just a moment, it felt like you were going to throw up.

“I know you,” he said, smirking. “You’re Mitchum’s favorite doll! Oh, he’s been looking for you…”

“Shut up,” you hissed, teeth clenched. You dropped the reins and raised your rifle, stepping around Joel to get a clear shot. You fought to keep your breathing under control, to keep from devolving into the anger that was licking its way through your veins and trying to swallow you whole.

“She as good for you as she was for me?” He asked Joel with a laugh. He didn’t wait for a response. “Mitchum’s been looking everywhere for you. Bet he’d let me have another go if I brought you back…”

“Shut the fuck up!” Your finger moved to the trigger, but the man in the middle of the group rode up in between the two of you.

“Now now,” he said calmly. “No need for any bloodshed…” He turned his attention back to Joel. “Sure you didn’t mean nothin’ by it, but it sounds like your little… friend here belongs to someone else. We’ll take her back with us and…”

Joel shot before the man even finished speaking, the bullet catching him in the chest and sending him slumping over and off his horse with a thud.

The group was still and silent and you gaped at Joel, your gun still pointed in the direction of the man you recognized.

Joel turned his gun to the next man closest to the middle.

“She ain’t property,” he said. “I got no problems killing every last one of you. Could use the practice. Get the fuck out or I’ll kill you. Last chance.”

You looked back at the men, your rifle up, as they looked between each other, weighing their chances.

The one you recognized’s hand drifted to his side arm before he spoke.

“Think we’ll take the doll and be on our way.”

He started moving just as you fired and your shot went wide, hitting the man on the other side of him. Joel shot, too, before screaming at you to run.

You weren’t going to listen. At least, not at first. Joel threw you behind a tree and followed before he fired again, his shot making contact this time and dropping another man, already moving another bullet into the chamber.

The man you recognized seemed to change his mind about coming for you, instead turning his horse and starting to take off in the opposite direction.

You weren’t about to let him.

You shoved the rifle back into its spot on your saddle and jumped onto Renaissance, urging her almost immediately into a gallup to run down the man.

He had a decent enough head start and, when you were getting close to him again, you could barely hear the commotion behind you, just the crack of gunshots.

Catching him was going to be tricky. He was riding fast, looking back over his shoulder at you, pushing his horse. There wasn’t a clear route to him, you were having to guide the horse through it all while trying to keep pace. You tried to not let your rage be the only thing driving you, tried to let your logical mind take hold again.

If you took advantage of a sloping hill you thought was ahead, you’d be able to gain some ground on him. You split off from him and pushed Renaissance toward where you remembered the gentle slope down to be before it got steeper later on, something he’d have to slow up on.

You were right and you could hear him, not far away, the thundering hooves and the gasping breaths, even though you couldn’t quite see him through the thick of the forest. It was quiet behind you now and you tried not to think about what that might mean. You had to stop this man. If he knew where you were, he’d get more men and come after you. If Mitchum really wanted you back that bad, he’d come for you.

You weren’t going to let him take you, not again.

You broke through the trees, just feet behind him now instead of yards and he looked back over his shoulder, his eyes wide. He started fumbling for the gun at his waist but you pulled up alongside him and did the only thing you could really think to do. You jumped, leaping from the back of your horse and into him, slamming into him with all your weight and knocking him out of the saddle, both of you careening toward the earth until you landed with a heavy thud, the two of you tumbling through the undergrowth until you stopped, him awkwardly on top of you.

He smiled, eyes dark, down at you.

“So eager to come back home,” he panted. “Don’t think he’ll mind if I take my payment upfront…”

You roared and thrashed below his weight and he punched you across the face.

“Think your guard dog’s dead,” he said. “Not so tough are you now, baby doll?”

He leaned in close to you, so close that you could smell his breath and you slammed your head into his nose. You felt it collapse below your forehead and he yelped and instinctively jerked back from you, his hands clutching his face.

It was enough.

You wrenched your body over and he collapsed to the ground, still clutching his face as you all but jumped on top of him. You sat on his chest, ripping his hands back from his face and pinning his arms beneath your legs before you punched him the same way he punched you. He groaned and you smiled.

“Still think I’m good for you?” You could taste blood in your mouth as you panted for breath. You dug your nails into his cheeks until you felt his skin give and he shrieked and thrashed but your position was too solid, he couldn’t shake you, had no hope of reaching the most vulnerable parts of you as you dragged your fingertips through his flesh, leaving trails of red in their wake. “Am I your baby doll now? Huh?”

You pulled your hands from him, his skin below your nails, and wrapped your fingers around his throat, squeezing as his eyes went wide.

“Still think I feel good?” You couldn’t get your breathing to slow down but you didn’t care, your heart pounding against your ribs. “I remember you, you fuck, I remember all of you. Not so tough now that I’m not chained to a wall are you?”

His hands scratched uselessly against your upper arms, legs flailing behind you. He was gasping for breath, reminding you of a fish on a dock. His eyes were just as wide, his motions just as desperate, his being just as powerless.

“Bambi,” Joel’s hand appeared on your back, making you jump, loosening your grip on the man and he gasped for breath, sucking in air like a drowning man. You looked back at him, breathing heavy. Ares was at his side, you hadn’t even heard them approach. “Need you to stop.”

“Why,” you demanded, eyes narrowed, teeth clenched.

“Need information from him,” he said, kneeling beside you, his voice calm and even. You looked him up and down. He didn’t look hurt. “He’s the last one alive. Just need a few answers, then you can decide what happens to him.”

You looked at Joel for a moment, his eyes soft and open.

“Bambi,” he said quietly.

“Fine,” you snapped and Joel’s hand traveled down your back to your waist, guiding you off the man as he panted for breath.

“Help…” the man managed weakly, reaching for Joel, but Joel’s hand shot out, snatching his wrist out of the air. His large hands wrapped around the other man’s arm and he twisted until you heard a snap. The man screamed.

“Not here to help you,” Joel said, his voice almost eerily calm, so calm it sent a chill down your spine. “I’m here to get information and there’s only one way I know how to do it. You’re gonna want me to give you back to her by the time I’m done. So let’s begin.”

***

Joel dragged the man by his hair to a nearby tree and sat him up before he broke his other arm, too, just to be safe. He didn’t want to waste time tying him up but you knew he couldn’t throw many punches with a broken arm.

This wasn’t a part of himself he’d ever wanted you to see. It wasn’t a part of himself he was particularly fond of. Not of his willingness to do it to begin with, not of his skills, not of the way he picked it up to begin with.

But it was effective. And the important thing was keeping you safe.

Seeing you take off on Renaissance like that scared the shit out of him. Because of course you didn’t take off in the direction they’d been heading or even, really, back toward Jackson. No, you’d taken off after a fleeing man.

A man who said he knew you, who obviously horrified you.

Joel was desperate to get to you then. The way that man talked about you… he was not going to let him get his hands on you. If it was the last thing he did, he was going to protect you from him.

Thankfully, you were relatively easy to find. The man’s screams weren’t exactly quiet and he was able to find you quickly once he’d taken out the rest of the crew, leaving them dead on the forest floor.

“Look,” the man panted. “I don’t have to take her with me, alright? If you’re attached…”

“How many of you are there?” Joel cut him off. He wasn’t going to be able to get any answers out of this man if he heard him talk about you like you were nothing but an object, something to be owned and controlled. He’d kill him too fast.

“What?” He frowned and then winced, the bloody paths you’d cut into his face pulling and oozing.

“How many men,” Joel asked.

“I don’t…”

Joel sighed and freed his knife, thrusting it into the side of the man’s thigh. He screamed, so loud birds took off from nearby trees. Joel gave him a moment to catch his breath before he asked again.

“How. Many. Men.”

“About fifty,” he said quickly. “But miles from here, two days ride at least, we were sent out this way to scout…”

“Anyone else sent this way to scout?” Joel asked.

The man just looked at him, panting for breath. Joel twisted the knife in his leg and he screamed.

“Any. One. Else?” He demanded again.

“No one!” He said.

“How long was your team supposed to be gone?” He asked. The man hesitated and Joel pressed on the knife.

“Fuck, please! You can keep her, alright? I won’t eve tell Mitchum I found her, you can have her…”

Joel punched him across the face, his knuckles connecting with the cuts you’d made in his skin.

“Jesus Christ!” He managed as he gasped for breath. “Please…”

“Never understood why men like you think you’re gonna get mercy,” Joel said, grabbing his hair. “God washed his hands of your kind a while ago. I’m what comes for you instead and I don’t know mercy. So tell me, how long were you supposed to be gone?”

“A week!” He said quickly. “A week, we’re three days in and they won’t come looking for us if we all disappear, they’ll think we got infected or something, I promise…”

“What were you looking for?” Joel asked. “Lookin’ for her?”

“No,” the man panted and shook his head, wincing as he did. “No, we were looking for a new place to set up, maybe for the winter, I just know Mitchum’s been looking for her and offering…”

Joel cut him off.

“He have any idea where she is?”

“No,” he shook his head, quickly this time. “No, he has no idea, I swear he doesn’t know and I swear I won’t say anything, I promise I won’t…”

Joel laughed once, darkly.

“You’re not leavin’ here,” he said, ripping his knife from his leg. He actually looked surprised at that as Joel wiped the blood on the man’s jeans. “Told you, wasn’t here to help you.”

Joel looked around until he found you sitting against a tree, your legs pulled tightly to your chest. He looked back to the man for a moment. His legs were too intact. He stood and, for a moment, the man looked relieved. And then Joel brought all his weight down on the man’s shin, stomping on it, the bone snapping as the man screamed.

Satisfied, Joel went to you, sheathing the knife. Your eyes were wide and doe-like, afraid and watchful. He approached you slowly, keeping his hands where you could see them before he knelt a few feet away from you.

“Bambi,” he said, trying to keep his voice calm and even. “I’ve gotten what I need from him. You can have him now if you want him. He can’t leave here alive but how he dies is up to you.”

You nodded, pulling your eyes from Joel’s to look at the man. Joel glanced at his bleeding form, whimpering on the ground, before focusing on you.

“You’ve killed before,” Joel said.

“Yes,” you said quietly.

“Did it satisfy you?”

You stared into space for a moment, a dazed look on your face.

“No,” you said eventually, shaking your head. “I wanted it to but…”

“Did you like it?”

“No,” that you answered quickly. “No, it made me sick, I don’t…”

“Then tell me how you want him to die,” Joel cut you off. “And I’ll do it.”

“I want it to hurt,” your voice cracked. “I want him to fucking feel it.”

“OK,” Joel said gently.

“And I want to watch.”

“OK,” he said again, straightening up and offering you his hand. You took it and he pulled you to your feet. There was a cut at your cheek and he slowly, gently, reached his hand out and held your face, his palm curving over your wound. You closed your eyes and breathed deep, your hand covering his and holding it to you. “Come on, Sweetheart. Let’s finish this.”

He held your hand as the two of you went back to the man, who was still breathing heavily, still crying in pain.

“You don’t have to do this,” he said. “Please, I….”

“You hurt her once,” Joel cut him off. “She decides what happens to you now. And she said she wants it to hurt.”

He released your hand and freed his knife again.

“No,” the man shook his head. “No, I didn’t mean…”

He didn’t finish begging, Joel thrusting the blade deep into the man’s gut and he screamed. He twisted it before pulling it back out, looking up at you.

“Short or long?” He asked.

You looked at the man, examining him.

“Short,” you said after a moment. “I want to get the fuck out of here.”

Joel plunged the knife between the man’s ribs then, piercing a lung, and pulled it out before wiping it on the man’s clothes and sheathing it. He straightened up and stood beside you as you watched the man drown in his own blood, a cold and detached look on your face. After a few minutes, he was still and you were still watching him.

“Sweetheart,” Joel said softly, his hand delicately on your back.

You spat on the man’s body.

“Let’s go.”

***

Joel was right, you weren’t too far from the ski lodge. He helped you clean the blood from your face and quickly found Renaissance - who hadn’t gone far - before getting underway again. It only took another two hours to get there, much faster than going back to Jackson.

But there was the hot clutch of fear in you now, threatening to strangle you from the inside out, the tendrils of it reaching and threatening to take control. By the time you reached the ski lodge, you could hardly breathe. You jumped off Renaissance and Joel dismounted Ares, frowning as he came to your side. Your hand went to your chest, your neck.

“I can’t…” you managed, the first words you’d said in hours, fighting to get enough air to keep talking. Your heart was racing. “What’s happening? I… I can’t…”

“It’s OK,” Joel said, guiding you to a fallen tree and pulling you down onto it next to him. “Think you’re havin’ a panic attack, Sweetheart, you’re gonna be OK. Just gotta breathe deep, you’re OK. I’m going to touch you, alright?”

You nodded quickly and he delicately pulled you against him, his arms going around you, close enough that you could feel the rise and fall of his chest.

“Try to focus on my breathing,” he said gently. “Try to match it, OK?”

You closed your eyes and nodded as he took a deep, slow breath in and you tried to do the same. He held it for a moment before breathing out just as slowly and starting again.

“You’re OK,” he said gently. “You’re OK, I’ve got you. Not gonna let anything happen to you, you’re safe, you’re OK.”

You focused on his words, the sound of his voice, the feel of his breathing as you matched it to your own. After what felt like a small eternity, you felt like you could take a normal breath again, your heart no longer threatening to pound its way out of your chest.

Some part of you was still afraid. Afraid of how close you were to Joel, of how violent you’d just seen him be - violence you never would have thought him capable of if you hadn’t seen it yourself. Afraid of how out of control these feelings you had for him could be.

But that part of you was smaller than ever, a quiet whisper against the overwhelming sense of warmth and longing that you’d come to associate with Joel. He was so close to you then, he’d pulled you almost onto his lap, your legs draped over his thighs, your head tucked against his chest. In spite of everything that had happened that day, in spite of the fact that he was so big and strong that he could hurt you without even really trying, in spite of that part of you telling you that being this close to anyone was a danger, you felt safer than you had in years.

You pressed yourself closer to him, your nose buried in his neck.

“See Bambi?” He said gently, pulling away from you ever so slightly to look down at you. “You’re alright.”

He was so handsome. Maybe you just hadn’t seen enough people over the last 20 years but Joel was easily one of the most beautiful human beings you’d ever seen and he smelled like safety and home and you couldn’t help but reach your hand up to his cheek, your fingers dipping ever so slightly into his hairline.

“Joel,” you said softly.

“Sweetheart,” he breathed, his eyes searching your own. Your grip on him strengthened and you gently, slowly, tugged his face toward yours.

You couldn’t help it. It was something that was inevitable. Some part of it feeling like it was always meant to happen, like you’d been moving all your life toward specific points of time and this was one of them, a moment that was built into your genetic code.

You were always going to kiss Joel Miller. You’d been running toward it your whole life. There was no reason to deny it.

So you didn’t.

You kissed him then, his lips soft and gentle and warm on yours, his hands spreading wide over you to delicately, carefully, pull you closer.

And you knew, in that moment, your life would never be the same.

A/N: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

THEY KISSED Y'ALL

FINALLY

IT ONLY TOOK 14 CHAPTERS OF WHAT WILL - EVENTUALLY I SWEAR - BE A FIC THAT HAS SMUT THEY KISSED.

I'M GONNA DIE!

Thank you thank you thank you for riding out this slow burn with me! I hope this felt right for these characters for you the way it did for me.

I do have an updates blog. Follow and subscribe for post alerts to get an alert whenever I post a new chapter! I promise I won't spam ya!

Thank you for reading and for interacting and for being here. I'm so behind on replying to comments but know that I've read them (they're some of my favorite pick-me-ups during my work day!) and I so appreciate them and I'll be getting caught up soon. I love you all so very much, thank you for making sharing this story so fun!

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust@ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost@beccerjune@mumma-moonchild@netonetoneto@mellymbee@purplelye@n7cje@flugazi@evyiione@randomhoex@aliengirl99@orcasoul@reds-ramblings@pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel@jenispunk@panda-pascal@sarap-77@flugazi@your-slutty-gf@daniegraceg@partyofone3413@cumberpegg@noisynightmarepoetry.@fifia-writes@grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123

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meganwritesfanfics · 7 months

Text

Lavender: A TLOU Story - Complete Series Master List

Cover Art by @gizmogurlie41786 WHO IS AMAZING

Joel couldn’t say the real reason he needed Sarah to stay home that night. You were in a fucking sundress with a ribbon in your hair. A goddamn ribbon. And you’d been cooking, the whole house smelled like heaven and you were in a fucking sundress with a goddamn ribbon in your hair and now he was going to be home alone with you all night. Not that anything was going to happen. Nothing was going to happen. Not a damn thing.

***

You're a college student in Austin, Texas, who gets a summer job nannying Sarah Miller. It's not long before her dad sees you as more than a babysitter - or more than a friend. But life - and an apocalypse - have other plans.

An age-gap grumpy/sunshine friends-to-lovers (and eventually friends-to-lovers-to-enemies-to-friends-to-lovers) fanfic that starts pre-outbreak. Series is now complete and spans from Spring, 2000, through Fall, 2029, in the HBO timeline.

My casting of the OCs

Lavender Ch. 1

Lavender Ch. 2

Lavender Ch. 3

Lavender Ch. 4

Lavender Ch. 5

Lavender Ch. 6

Lavender Ch. 7

Lavender Ch. 8

Lavender Ch. 9

Lavender Ch. 10

Lavender Ch. 11

Lavender Ch. 12

Lavender Ch. 13

Lavender Ch. 14

Lavender Ch. 15

Lavender Ch. 16

Lavender Ch. 17

Lavender Ch. 18

Lavender Ch. 19

Lavender Ch. 20

Lavender Ch. 21

Lavender Ch. 22

Lavender Ch. 23

Lavender Ch. 24

Lavender Ch. 25

Lavender Ch. 26

Lavender Ch. 27

Lavender Ch. 28

Lavender Ch. 29

Lavender Ch. 30

Lavender Ch. 31

Lavender Ch. 32

Lavender Ch. 33

Lavender Ch. 34

Lavender Ch. 35

Lavender Ch. 36

Lavender Ch. 37

Lavender Ch. 38

Lavender Ch. 39

Lavender Ch. 40

Lavender Ch. 41

Lavender Ch. 42

Lavender Ch. 43

Lavender Ch. 44

Lavender Ch. 45

Lavender Ch. 46

Lavender Ch. 47

Lavender Ch. 48

Lavender Ch. 49

Taglist: @paleidiot @ayamenimthiriel @ginger-swag-rapunzel @drewharrisonwriter @flugazi @pedropascalsbbg @taoyuji @starstruckmusiciansartghost @splendsay @bigboiseason123 @jpbplvr @ashleyandring @mrsyixingunicorn10 @sloanexx @ninaminaromina @lady-bellyn @hufflepuffriver @sarap-77 @storyarcscribe @mellymbee @jasminedragoon @lemonmeli @reds-ramblings @arizonadaydreamer @mumma-moonchild @blackroseguzzi @candypeaches16 @kittenlittle24 @wrappedinfiction @oatmeaiboy @pedritosdarling @winchestergypsy90 @imnotdatboii @lalalalemonade11 @maknimuk1 @mrsdarcyinlovewithbuckybarnes @pedrosaidsheispunk @commanderawkward @n7cje @elliesgirlll @tsunamistorm123 @spookyxsam @leeeesahhh @anoverwhelmingdin @untamedheart81 @pedropascalfan221 @pedr0swh0r3 @pedrobae @fifia-writes @fatima-marisa @acf2023 @1soff @encephalitiskat @ashleymsnodgrass @karlinspace

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meganwritesfanfics · 8 months

Text

Masterlist

Movies

Star Wars

No One Is Ever Really Gone (Kylo Ren/Ben Solo X Reader) Masterlist

Dark Side of Me (Request)

Delirium (Request)

Avengers

Reality Check (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Beloved

Part 1

West Wing

Josh Lyman x Reader

Baby Bottle

Y/N has a secret that she needs to tell Josh, but finding time to do so is turning out to be a challenge

Born in the U.S.A.

Josh and Y/N are ready to be parents, but when Y/N goes into labor in the White House, the whole West Wing is turned upside down.

Fresh Bruises

The return of the Readers abusive ex, causes major problems for the reader and Josh.

Criminal Minds

Spencer Reid x Reader

Unspoken Engagement

While Spencer is away on a case, his brand new fiance is kidnapped and held captive. It is a race against the clock, for the team to hunt down the unsub, and save the Reader before it is too late.

Comfort in the Night

Blacklist

Don’t Take the Girl

A Little Fall of Rain (One Shot)

Bones

Buried Nightmares

Supernatural

Breaking Point (One Shot)

With Arms Wide Open

The Last of Us

Don’t Know Much Masterlist

Ted Lasso

Diamond Dogs to the Rescue

Sweetest Moments

What If He Hates Me

One in the Same (Request)

Jamie Tartt x Reader

Hell I’m Just a Kid Myself

Be the Man I Have to Be

What a Lovely Way of Saying How Much You Love Me

You Are My Sunshine

No Son of Mine

Take the Heart from my Chest

74 notes · View notes

meganwritesfanfics · 8 months

Text

Masterlist

Movies

Star Wars

No One Is Ever Really Gone (Kylo Ren/Ben Solo X Reader) Masterlist

Dark Side of Me (Request)

Delirium (Request)

Avengers

Reality Check (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Beloved

Part 1

West Wing

Josh Lyman x Reader

Baby Bottle

Y/N has a secret that she needs to tell Josh, but finding time to do so is turning out to be a challenge

Born in the U.S.A.

Josh and Y/N are ready to be parents, but when Y/N goes into labor in the White House, the whole West Wing is turned upside down.

Fresh Bruises

The return of the Readers abusive ex, causes major problems for the reader and Josh.

Criminal Minds

Spencer Reid x Reader

Unspoken Engagement

While Spencer is away on a case, his brand new fiance is kidnapped and held captive. It is a race against the clock, for the team to hunt down the unsub, and save the Reader before it is too late.

Comfort in the Night

Blacklist

Don’t Take the Girl

A Little Fall of Rain (One Shot)

Bones

Buried Nightmares

Supernatural

Breaking Point (One Shot)

With Arms Wide Open

The Last of Us

Don’t Know Much Masterlist

Ted Lasso

Diamond Dogs to the Rescue

Sweetest Moments

What If He Hates Me

One in the Same (Request)

Jamie Tartt x Reader

Hell I’m Just a Kid Myself

Be the Man I Have to Be

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meganwritesfanfics · 8 months

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Still Searching for Salvation (Don't Know Much Series)

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Spoilers for The Last of Us TV Show. Dark subject, character death, grief, suicide, gunshot, mentions of blood.

Previous Part

“Joel,” Y/N cried as she held onto him. They had been sitting for an hour next to Sarah’s grave and Joel had yet to say a word. “Honey, talk to me.” She begged as she held his face in her hands.

His eye stared at her, but she could tell he wasn’t actually looking at her, he was staring through her. The pain and hurt in his eyes was so soul crushing it made her sob even harder.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” She cried as she crumpled into the dirt. She didn’t know how to help him. She didn’t know what she could say or how she could bring him any semblance of comfort. In her head all she could think about was how she wished it had been her that had died instead of Sarah. And she couldn’t help but wonder if Joel was thinking the same thing.

“Guys,” Tommy said from behind them his voice still raw with emotion. Every part of Tommy was as broken as Y/N, but he feel it was his job to stand guard, it was his job to be the strong one so that Joel and Y/N could grieve. It was also his job to keep Joel and Y/N alive. “We need to go, we have been here for too long.”

“No, Tommy we can’t leave her we…” Y/N sobbed as she reached over laying her hands on the freshly dug dirt. “I can’t leave her…”

In a swift motion Joel suddenly turned and grabbed Y/N’s shoulders so she was facing him. His eyes were still full of tears but they looked almost calm. Somehow this just made Y/N cry harder. “Joel I…” She started as he pulled her into his arms. That’s when she really lost it. “It should have been me Joel, I should have moved in front of you, I should have shielded her from the bullets. I’m so sorry.”

“Y/N,” Tommy gasped, but still Joel said nothing instead he just kissed the side of Y/N’s head and silently walked towards the car, leaving Y/N on the ground. “Joel I…” Tommy tried to say but Joel said nothing just grabbed his shoulder giving him a sad look as he continued to make his way back.

Tommy watched him walk for just a moment before he turned his attention back to Y/N.

“Y/N, you can’t have meant that, what happened to Sarah wasn’t your fault.” Tommy tried to sooth as he walked toward Y/N.

“How do we survive this Tommy.” She gasped. Not that she would say anything about this, especially now, but her ribs felt as though they were on fire. And the crying and wailing certainly weren’t helping. “I don’t know how to comfort him, and he’s… he’s so broken Tommy. Sarah was his everything. I just don’t know how we continue on after this.”

Tommy knelt down and grabbed her shoulder. “You have to be strong, you both have to be strong for each other. The world has gone to shit, but as long as you too have each other, there is something worth fighting for.”

Y/N wrapped her arms around Tommy holding onto him tightly. “I know you are hurting too Tommy. Thank you for watching out for me and Joel.”

He broke slightly and cried, not loudly and not for very long but silent tears for the lose of his niece.

When Y/N opened her eyes she felt as though the wind had been knocked out of her. As she stared over Tommy’s shoulder she could see the truck, but what she couldn’t see was Joel.

“Where did he go?”

“What?” Tommy asked as he whipped around. “Oh god,” Suddenly Tommy took off in a full sprint towards the truck.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” She followed after him.

Tommy looked into the passenger side of the car and Y/N watched in horror as he dropped the shot gun he was holding.

“Tommy, what.” She begged.

“We need to find Joel, we need to find him now.” Tommy snapped as he took off again this time towards the woods.

“Tommy please what is going on!”

“There was a gun in the glove compartment of that car and now it’s gone.”

Everything numbed and before she could even think about what she was doing, Y/N was suddenly screaming Joel’s name. Her vision had gone fuzzy and her head was spinning and she just kept screaming Joel’s name over and over again until she felt Tommy’s hand over her mouth.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He gasped.

“Tommy, we have to find him he is going to oh my god Tommy.” Y/N sobbed as she was about to scream out Joel’s name again Tommy threw his hand over her mouth.

“I know Y/N, I know. But you aren’t thinking rationally, you don’t know what might be out there right now, and screaming for Joel could bring those things right to us, or him. We are going to find him, just stick with me ok.”

Y/N just nodded as she gripped Tommy’s forearm tightly and ran with him. They had just cleared the treeline when a gunshot rang out, scaring all of the birds out of the trees. Y/N dropped her hand as her whole body went cold.

“No.” Tommy gasped as he took off running leaving Y/N behind.

Y/N collapsed to the ground as she grasped at her chest, she couldn’t breath, She opened her mouth to scream but no words come out. Instead she is silently sobbing,choking on her sobs. Her ribs burned but she didn’t care, all she could think about was Joel.

“Have I lost both of them?” She thought.

“Y/N!” She heard Tommy scream, but she couldn’t move she was frozen in place. “Y/N help me!”

Finally Y/N got the message from her brain to her limbs to move. “Tommy,” She whispered as she staggered her way through the forrest, trying to follow where she though his voice was coming from. “Tommy.”

“Over here,” He called again and Y/N turned to find a clearing with Tommy on the ground kneeling next to Joel who was unmoving with blood around his head.

“No, please no.” Y/N sobbed.

“He’s alive,” Tommy said as he struggled to lift. “The bullet grazed his head, we need to get him sewed up. He’s bleeding alot.”

Y/N gasped as she ran to Tommy quickly ripping a part of her shirt so she could hold it against Joel’s bleeding head.

“I need your help, I can’t carry him by myself, we need to get him back to the car.”

The two of them struggled to lift Joel off the ground, as Y/N still tried to apply pressure to stop the bleeding. It took them longer than they would have wanted before they finally reached the car and loaded Joel inside. Y/N sat in the back with Joel head in her lap. She felt nauseous as she could feel Joel’s blood sticking to her legs.

“We have to go back to the city,” She sobbed.

“Y/N we…”

“We don’t have a choice Tommy!” She screamed. “The military has to have set up some sort of camp, they will have a medic, they can help him.”

“Ok, ok.” Tommy said.

“Joel, baby, please wake up, I can’t lose you. I need you to be ok.” Y/N sobbed as she held onto Joel tightly.

****

The sound of Sarah’s scream echoes through his head as he woke with a start. His head was pounding, and the bright light of a flashlight in his eyes wasn’t helping.

“Joel.” A voice called, “Joel can you hear me.”

The ringing sound in his right ear made it sound as though the person was miles away.

“Baby,” Another voice called and Joel turned to look and saw Y/N sitting next to him, her face covered with dirt and blood and tears.

“Are you ok?” He grumbled his voice sounding foreign.

“Is she ok, Jesus fuck Joel.” Tommy responded as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“He should be fine, don’t let him rip his stitches open. Now get out of the tent.” A voice boomed.

“Oh my God Joel.” Y/N gasped as she wrapped her arms around him tightly.

Joel could see daylight streaming in through the tent and it took him a second to realize what had happened and where we were.

“You’re ok.” Y/N kept whispering over and over as she held onto Joel.

“Y/N we have to go.” Tommy insisted.

“We do not have to go anywhere, not until Joel feels ok enough to move.”

“Y/N I…” Joel started as he tried to move to stand up.

“That’s not really an option, you heard that asshole, we need to get out of the tent.”

“I don’t give a fuck what he said, Joel could have died Tommy, we can stay here a little while longer.”

“Goddamnit Y/N. If he comes back and we are still here, he won’t hesitate to through us into military prison or worse.” Tommy snapped.

“Guys it’s fine, I’m fine.” Joel finally said as he stood up, he swayed a little and Y/N reached out to steady him but he pushed past her and took off into the city. “Where is the truck?”

“Someone probably stole it by now.” Tommy huffed.

“Fuck,” Joel whispered under his breath. “And the guns?”

“Had to turn those into the military when we brought you in.”

“Why the hell did you come back!” Joel screamed and Y/N froze tears rolling down her cheeks again.

“Are you fucking kidding me Joel.” Tommy snapped. “Are you actually fucking kidding me.”

“We are probably stuck here now, you should have just kept moving, tried to find somewhere smaller without all these fucking people and the goddamn military.”

“No, you don’t get to sit here and lecture us, not after what we just went through. What you put us through!” Tommy balled up his hands into fists. “God if I wasn’t afraid it might kill you I would punch you right now.”

Joel didn’t say a word. He just stood there.

“Joel,” Y/N whimpered as she reached out for him but he quickly shrugged away from her grasp.

“We need to figure out how to get the fuck out of this city.” Joel groaned as he stormed away finding an empty tent and disappearing into.

“God I could just fuck! I don’t know how you can stand him Y/N.” Tommy snapped but Y/N could see the tears in his eyes starting to form.

“Tommy,” Y/N wiped her eyes quickly.

“How could he, I mean I know Sarah and…” Tommy said as he broke down completely.

“Oh Tommy,” Y/N pulled him into his arms.

“Thank God he missed,” Tommy sobbed. “I don’t know what I would do without him.”

“I know.” Y/N soothed as she held onto him trying to keep her own emotions in check.

They both stayed like this for a moment before Tommy backed away.

“I’m going to try to get some information, see what the military is wanting everyone to do, plus I’m going to try to get us some sort of weapon. Will you, can you try to talk to him?”

“Of course. And Tommy, stay safe.” She pleaded knowing that none of them could afford to lose anyone else.

Y/N sighed. She looked towards the tent where Joel had vanished into, her emotions felt like they were being pulled in a million different direction. But she had to stuff them all down, at least for a while. She needed to be strong for Joel.

“Knock knock,” She smiled as she walked into the tent. “Hey, um how’s your head?”

“Hurts like hell.” He snapped not turning to look at her

“Is there anything I can do, do you want want me to try to find something for you I…”

“Stop that.”

“Stop what Joel?” She said as she inched foward.

“Stop being nice to me. Yell at me, curse at me, just like Tommy did.”

“I’m not going to do that Joel.”

“Why!” He screamed as he stood up and charged at Y/N grabbing her by her shoulders. “You should be angry with me, you should hate me.”

“Joel,” She sighed as she reached up and carefully placed her hand on his cheek. “Baby I could never hate you.”

“But I tried to. I was trying to…” Tears were quickly filling Joel’s eyes.

“I know, I know baby. I understand.”

“What?”

“I understand, you couldn’t see the point anymore right? We lost Sarah.” She said her voice cracking.

The minute Y/N said Sarah’s name Joel broke down sobbing.

“Sarah,” He broke as he collapsed into Y/N’s embrace. “I’m sorry, I… I wasn’t thinking I just, I can’t believe she’s gone.”

Y/N held on tightly, her own tears spilling.

“I’m so sorry Joel,” She sobbed and as the two held each other, they knew that the life they once shared together had been destroyed, and there was no fixing it. But even in their grief, they held onto the idea that a new life, whatever that meant in the terrifying world they now found themselves in, could still be had, as long as they had each other.

Previous Part

#joel miller x reader #the last of us #angst #fanfiction

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meganwritesfanfics · 8 months

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Take the Heart From My Chest

Jamie Tartt x Reader

Jamie and the Reader's baby is on his way, and both could not be more terrified.

Check out Part 1, Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Trigger Warning: Difficult Birth

It had taken only a half an hour before the pair found themselves in hospital, having been ushered into a room as soon as they had arrived. Jamie sat next to Y/N gripping her hand tightly, his leg bouncing ferociously. They were still waiting for someone to come see them, when Jamie’s mom came running into the room.

“Mum,” Jamie sighed as he ran to her burying himself in her arms.

“Oh baby,” Georgie cried as she held onto him. “Have the doctors come in yet?”

“No, they just put us in a room, i um… mummy can you… will you stay with Y/N. I need to… I need to call someone.” Jamie said leaving the room.

“Jamie,” Both his mother and Y/N called. But his head was already filled with a loud ringing. He couldn’t breathe. He was absolutely terrified and there was only one person he wanted to talk to. As he paced back and forth in the hallway he quickly pulled out his phone.

“Tartt what the fuck do you…” Roy grumbled

“Y/N she… we were just walking, I was showing her around town and then, he showed up and he… god I should have done more I should have not let him anywhere near here and…” Jamie started rambling.

“Woah, woah, what the fuck happened.” Roy snapped.

“I don’t know, the doctors just put us in a room, no one has come to talk to us yet. I…”

“Doctors, are you at the hospital. Fuck Jamie what the fuck happened.”

“My dad, he saw us walking and he started in on his normal rant and I just… I just stood there and took it. But Y/N, she stood up to him and he shoved her, and something happened, she was in a lot of pain, but I don’t know what is going on, and I don’t know if the baby is ok I just… I don’t know and I… I need you here. And I know Y/N needs you here.”

There was moment of silence.

“I will be there.” Roy said and Jamie let out a relieved sigh. “Text me with updates.”

“Yeah, of course!” Jamie said and then the two hung up and Jamie took a moment just to breath before he headed back into the room. His mother was sitting next to Y/N dabbing her forehead with a wet flannel.

“Where did you go?” Y/N gasped as she saw him come inside. Her eyes were wide with fear and pain.

“I’m sorry baby, I needed to make a phone call.” Jamie said as he took his place back by her side and grabbed her hand bringing it to his mouth and kissing it.

It was another 15 minutes before a doctor finally came in to see them. Jamie tried to stay calm as he helped Y/N tell what happened and what was going on, but it became harder when he watched the doctors face fall.

“Well let me take a look really quick ok, can I have you both help me get her in position.” The doctor responded.

The whole time Jamie held onto Y/N’s hand tightly. When the doctor finally turned to look at them, Jamie could see the worry in her face.

“It looks like your baby is impatient, he is coming now.”

“What!” Jamie and Y/N gasped.

“No that’s, that’s not possible, it’s… it’s too early.” Y/N said and the heart rate monitor she was hooked upto began to spike.

“Baby,” Jamie said as he tried to sooth her.

“Now I’m not going to say this isn’t risky, but unfortunately the baby is past the point of where we can stop the labor. We are going to have to proceed, but in order for this to happen safely I am going to need you to stay calm Mrs. Tartt.” The doctor replied. And Y/N blushed but she didn’t correct her. “We need to try to keep your heart rate and the baby’s as steady and normal as possible for as long as we possibly can.”

“Of course.” Y/N replied.

“And unfortunately, because this is such a high risk, an epidural would not be advisable either.”

Y/N mouth opened but no words came out, and Jamie could feel her start to shake.

“I will be back in an hour or so once labor progresses a bit more, and it seems that your son is an over achiever so I can imagine it will be a quick labor.” The doctor joked trying to lighten the mood in the room. “Feel free to hit the call button if you need anything.” She smiled and then she left.

The minute the doctor left Y/N lost it.

“Jamie, I can’t do this, I can’t the pain, it… and what if the baby, oh god what if… nope I’m not doing this, he is just going to have to wait until I am ready.”

“Y/N, baby, look at me.” Jamie said as he grabbed Y/N face. “Breathe, breathe for me ok, you can do this. Everything will be fine, the baby will be fine.”

“You don’t know that, you can’t possibly know that I…”

“Y/N darlin’ did I ever tell you the story of the day Jamie was born.” Georgie started as she brushed some hair out of Y/N’s face. “He was not an easy birth let me tell you, there were so many complication. And there were moments where things got scary, but he turned out perfect.”

“Thanks mum.” Jamie smiled.

“I know you are scared, and trust me you have every right to be.” Georgie continued. “But you are so much stronger than you could ever possibly imagine.”

“And I’m here for ya, every step of the way.” Jamie said. “What ever you need, I will do it”

“We need to think of names, god we haven’t even picked out a name yet.”

“I didn’t pick Jamie’s name out until he was almost 2 days old. We just called him grandad, he looked like such a wrinkly old man.”

Jamie’s jaw dropped, and all he could think about was how he had been calling Roy Grandad for years now.

Y/N giggled as she held onto Jamie’s hand even tighter.

“We are going to be parents Jamie,” She smiled her body stil shaking, but he could see that she had finally started to calm down.

“We are going to be the best fucking parents,” Jamie smiled as he leaned down to kiss Y/N forehead. “Apart from you of course mummy.” And Georgie laughed.

*****

Jamie hated seeing Y/N in pain. Every time she made any noise of a contraction happen or her being uncomfortable in anyway, he woul instantly do whatever he could to help sooth the pain. It had been almost an hour since they had last seen the doctor, but Y/N pain was getting worse, and her body shook so bad she couldn’t even get out of the bed to do any other the pain relief exercises Jamie and her learned for labor.

“We are not naming out son after a footballer.” Y/N laughed but the laugh quickly turned into a groan as another contraction hit. Jamie had been trying to distract her from the pain by running through baby names with her. All of his ideas included famous football players names. “Jamie,” She cried as she crushed his hand as it held her.

“Just breathe love,” Georgie tried to encourage as she rubbed Y/N’s back.

“It hurts,” Y/N cired and Jamie’s heart broke.

“I know baby, how can I help, what do you need me to do.” He pleaded trying to find some way to ease her pain.

“I can’t do this Jamie, I can’t.” She sobbed.

“Oh but baby I know you can. You are the strongest woman I know. And this baby is going to love you so much, and I love you so much. I know you are in pain, and I wish to God that I could take that away, but it won’t be too much longer know and our little Ronaldo will be out in the world.” He smirked and Y/N laughed again.

“You are the worst.” She said as she sighed the contraction pain lessening.

“But you love me.” Jamie smiled as he kissed her forehead once more.

“I love you so much Jamie Tartt.” Y/N said as she shifted so she was sitting more upright. “So very much and I…” She winced in pain again but she had something she needed to say.

“Baby, what are you doing don’t move if it hurts?” Jamie said concerned.

“Will you shut up and let me say this.” She smiled. “Jamie Tartt I love you so much and I want nothing more than to spend my life with you. Will you marry me?”

Jamie’s jaw dropped.

“Jamie, answer the girl!” Georgie gasped, but Jamie just let go of Y/N hand and ran over to where his jacket was draped over a chair. He returned holding a small box in his hand.

“I was going to ask you tonight, that’s why I took you to the bridge.” He opened it. The wedding ring was unique in the way the bands twisted, and how the stone was set. Jamie had spent hours stalking Y/N pinterest to find the right ring.

Y/N gasped.

“So to answer your question. Yes I will marry you, and will you Y/N Y/L/N marry me?”

“Of course!” Y/N squealed as she pulled Jamie into her for a long kiss. “You do realize though that that ring is not going fit right now.”

“I anticipated that so,” He pulled the ring out to revel that it was on a long chain. “I had them add this to it, just until I can properly slip it on your finger.”

“Oh Jamie.” Y/N said. “Can you help me put it on,” she asked as she leaned forward so Jamie could clasp the necklace around her neck.

“Oh I’m so happy for you two! I have already considered you my daughter but now it’s official,” Georgie beamed.

Suddenly a nurse burst in, “Mr. Tartt, there is, well there is a lot of people demanding to see you and one very angry and scary man who I am afraid may hurt someone.”

Jamie looked at the nurse confused before he followed her out into the waiting room.

There he found the entire Richmond team, including Ted, Coach Beard, Rebecca, Higgins, Keeley and Roy.

The minute Roy made eye contact with him, he shoved the nurses who were trying to hold him back out of the way rushing up to Jamie

“Jamie,” He gasped.

“I… I’m so scared Roy.” Jamie broke.

Roy pulled Jamie into his arms and hugged him tightly.

#jamie tartt x reader #ted lasso #series #fanfic

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