miaizumilemonz

[miaizumilemonz]

Broken Love

Piercing screams rang throughout the wasted space, sucking her last breath before she drifted into a spiral of black. The arid air surrounding was still with deafening soundless-ness. A short pause came to an immediate end as a sharp crack echoed. Red oozed from the gaping hole in her chest. Her eyes, opened wide for their very first time. Reality sank deep and hard. 

#broken #love

[miaizumilemonz]

Honesty

Today I have decided to be honest with my feelings. No more double meaning words. No more implications. Just simple words that expresses how I really feel right now.

I like you. I really do. You know the saying "I thought he is different"? Yes, I thought you were different. Different than the rest of the other guys I have met and fell for.

Why I fell for you is really simple. You were different and we are similar because of that. You find beauty in the weirdest things. You are kind and you're a nice person. But the main thing was you like things that are different from the norm. I love that part of you.

It's funny thought that I have always been looking for a guy who would like girls with short hair. All my guy friends and all the guys I have met adore women with long hair. I love that part of you.

I know you like to play games. I enjoyed all the games we played. I was so amused with you. And at that point of amusement and fluttering feelings, a small voice inside my head kept screaming out to me, warning me to stay away from you. I should have listend to it. I should have thrown these feelings away when I still could.

You know, I'm thankful that I have a good sense of imagination. I always imagined that we are together playing pranks, having a good laugh, talking about the most deepest and darkest secrets and all these things made me very happy. I could imagine how it would be like if it were real.

I love how shy you were whenever I approached you.

I love how your eyes always reminded me of a sleeping cat.

I love how stubborn you are.

I love how picky you are with things and you would give a weird strange reason on why you don't like or like something. And no one but me would understand.

I love how you were always worried that I wouldn't accept you for who you are.

I love how curious and determined you are in wanting to know who tied those ribbons. And I especially love how you're willing to hug the person who did it. You owe me that hug. I've always been waiting for it. I do long for it.

And I love your neck. I don't know why but its probably one of the most flattering part of you. When I close my eyes, I would imagine what it would feel like being in your embrace and the thought of just kissing your neck made me ecstatic.

Part of me wished that when you said you had a girlfriend, it was just a joke. But I know it isn't.

I can't wish you all the best with her.

But all I can say for now is I love everything about you. And I just wished that you didn't toy with me like that. I wish, I really wish from the bottom of my heart that you would like me back.

#honesty #pain #why

[miaizumilemonz]

Powerless & Unrequited

Powerless. I feel so powerless to the point of hating myself. In these moments, I would often close my eyes and drift away to a land filled with blood and gore - A room flooded with thick red blood. Streams of the same substance decorate the walls. Ah. What a blissful imagery. The stench of fresh death fills the air. It makes me feel alive. It makes me powerful. It makes me psycho.

In there, I wait with a tiny speck of hope that the man of my dreams will sit there and join me in the world of madness.

~o~o~o~

Unrequited. I can't stop looking at you. I can't stop forcing myself to pretend that you don't matter to me. I can't stop missing you. I can't stop wanting more. I can't stop thinking of you.

I don't mean anything to you.

#powerless #unrequited #unrequited feelings

[miaizumilemonz]

A List of Feelings Running Through My Head

I'm not even sorry for what I did to you.

I still feel angry and jealous.

The only thing I feel now is the fear of facing you.

~o~o~o~

I wish I got to know you more.

You're a pretty funny guy.

May you rest in peace

And may your family and friends find the hope to carry on living.

~o~o~o~

I was worried. Or rather more paranoid than worried.

I was afraid that the rain and the jam and the blur visions might cause an accident.

I postponed our outing because I was scared of losing all of you.

I'm sorry.

~o~o~o~

Yesterday was an accidental smile.

I saw you and my brain gave me a sharp command, "Smile, bitch!"

But I guess I wanted you to be happy.

Today I felt that you were testing the limits. 

Well, at least we managed to talk.

~o~o~o~

#list #mixfeelings #thoughts

[miaizumilemonz]

The Nape of Your Neck

[miaizumilemonz]

I would like to believe but I can't anymore

Sometimes being overly shy gets you no where. It doesn't help that when I'm shy, I put on the feelings of indifference. And that is the reason for all those questions I've been asking myself lately - "Why won't they ever persist?" Honestly, if I'm given just one wish, I wish that you'd love me enough to persist and to climb all the obstacles that hinders you and later on us. A love so strong that it lasts a lifetime. I want to see that twinkle in your eyes whenever you gaze into mine. I want that unwavering heart of yours that beats only for me. And those long thin fingers of yours intertwine with mine while we hide behind a random bush watching if our prank has succeeded or not.

It's funny how I shun such gestures and thoughts yet I shamelessly profess it out loud here. All these years, I use to think such things are stupid and wrong. Romantic feelings are not suitable for people like me because I'm such a coward. Love was only for the strong and courageous. 

As for now, all I can say to you through a cowardly manner is I like you. I like your weird petty nonsense and how you stand firmly by it. I like how you embrace differences in people as well as cats. I like how you name that stuff toy on your chair. I like those times you walk pass by to look at me. And I like the fact that you can have a very polite voice regardless of your rude remarks. In short, I just like you because you're weird.

I'd like to believe that you liked me for quite some time now. Especially during those times I was clueless. You'd walk pass by and I would accidentally look at you without knowing anything. I like to believe that it made you happy. I like to believe that you never voluntarily sit at the same table as me during tea was because you were shy. I like to believe that whenever you sat with your back facing me, it was because looking at the clueless me hurts you. I like to believe that when we I met up with you at the car park and walk back to the office, you were nervous because you didn't expect me to talk to you. I like to believe that when you asked me to sit down, that was the most gentle-est voice that you could muster just for me. I like to believe that you're amused by me just as much as I'm amused by you. I like to believe that recently, you would only pass by my place if I passed yours because you didn't want to be the only one who feels this way. I like to believe that when I referenced you in the group conversation, you were the happiest person in the office that day. I like to believe that you were very happy to see me at the car park that night. And happier when I turned back and see you waving crazily back at me. I like to believe that that night itself, your friend knew you like me. I like to believe that he will try to get us together for his own amusement.

I believe that one day, you'll come to me and tell me what I want to hear. Even if you can't say it, just give me a hug.

.

.

.

.

.

That's what I want to believe. But I can't anymore. Tonight, I'm giving up my hopes on this feelings I have for you. It's such a nostalgic moment in my life. All these years it takes me more than a few years to stop liking a guy. I don't want my feelings for you to hurt me. I'm letting it go because I'm tired of expectations... and besides, we can never be together no matter how suitable we are. I will just embrace this feelings I have for you and let you go.

Perhaps in another life, we'll be together.

#feelings #wish #iwouldliketobelieve

[miaizumilemonz]

I think possibly what people working for one hate the most is indecision. Even if I’m completely unsure, I’ll pretend I know exactly what I’m talking about and make a decision.

—Anna Wintour at the WWD CEO Summit (via womensweardaily)

[miaizumilemonz]

What I'm feeling right now

I want to stop thinking of you.

[miaizumilemonz]

My Wish Today

Sit next to me and talk to me.

#wish today

[miaizumilemonz]

My Wish Today

I want to hug you!!! 

#wish today

[miaizumilemonz]

Her Thoughts #12

You kept looking.

I looked back.

This time I took the intiative.

Since you won't come over to my table, I went over to yours.

We talked random conversations with the people at our table.

I realise that I can only hold a split second of an eye contact with you.

I wasn't feeling well anyway.

It was interesting to see that you're the only one who looked at me when I laugh.

It was also interesting to see that you offered your food to everyone else but me.

I'm praying that we would get pass this awkward stage.

I don't like it at all.

#herthoughts12 herthoughts

[miaizumilemonz]

PLAID (by Vu Thien)

[miaizumilemonz]

Her Thoughts #11

I was about to go to the pantry when I saw you there making your drink.

I sat back down straight away.

My brain screamed at me.

Taking in a deep breath, I walked into the pantry.

You saw me and asked me about last night.

I smiled, trying to answer you.

I felt overwhelmed. 

I should have make it into a proper conversation.

I regretted.

#herthoughts11 herthoughts

[miaizumilemonz]

Her Thoughts #10

While listening to a friend talk, I hoped that I could see you.

And there you were, rummaging your bag for your keys. 

I smiled.

I told my friend about you.

You saw me.

We waved.

I got into the car and look back at you.

You were still waving. 

#herthoughts10 #herthoughts

[miaizumilemonz]

Her Thoughts #9

I'm just hoping for a mutual addiction.

A moment of mutual amusement.

Just tell me that I make you smile too.

#herthoughts herthoughts9

[miaizumilemonz]

Her Thoughts #8

It's 3pm.

I smile to myself.

You're already here.

I gulp down water just enough to get myself running for the toilet.

That's when I get to see you.

If I'm lucky, I might get to talk to you.

I like your voice.

It's polite.

Just like your actions.

But beneath all that, you're one rude bastard.

I love contradictions.

You're sly.

You're amusing.

#herthoughts herthoughts8

[miaizumilemonz]

Burgundy bra (by Diana DeMarino)