miamonologues

[miamonologues]

Some of the little things

Finishing a task with time left.

Throwing your rubbish to the bin from a fair distance and it shoots.

Getting the exact amount of change you need without having to count.

An available parking slot right near the entrance.

Getting the last available table at a busy diner. And it’s a booth.

Getting a free cookie since it’s already your 12th visit.  

A stranger returns your credit card you dropped on your way out.

Thinking to yourself “huh, I look good today” as you pass by your reflection at a store window.

Someone laughing at your attempt of a joke.

The dress you wanted to wear is hanging neatly on your closet, and not in your hamper.

Not being awkward on a first date.

Comfortable silences.

Smell of a newly bought book.

Someone noticing your habit of doing so.

Receiving a text message that made your work more bearable.

Getting that extra cookie on your 12th visit.

Not only a thank you, but you also get a kiss after surprising someone with a cookie.

A whisper of i love yous right after having sex.

Coming home after a busy day.

Comfortable silences and comforting glances every once in a while.

Noticing the glow your skin has lately.

Finishing the book, you just bought.

Learning something new about someone and it continues to surprise you.

Seeing beyond someone’s nuances.

Listening to someone with the knowledge that they’re lying.

Finishing a task, a minute before the deadline.

Throwing your rubbish to the bin from a fair distance and you missed. Making you at least take the trash out.  

Getting the exact amount of change you need.

An available parking slot right near the entrance of someone’s building.

Seeing time pass when you sit in uncomfortable silences.

Sitting alone with cup of coffee at 1AM at your favorite diner. At least it’s a booth.

Coming home after a tiring day.

A stranger returns your things you left at their apartment.

Your skin becoming supple and soft after a good cry.

Getting cookies every lunch now since you’re the deli’s favorite customer.

Being able to wear again that dress you wore when you had your first date with someone.

Finding yourself laughing at your own attempt to make a joke.

Noticing your habit to do so.

Thinking to yourself “huh, I look better today” as you pass by your reflection at a store window.

Starting a new book.

Realizing your love for lists.

[miamonologues]

I just noticed how the best compliment for a cook to receive about their dessert is:

“It’s not too sweet”

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Sometimes we gotta express what we think to realize how unimportant other things are

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Whenever I think of something stupid i’ve done, i automatically associate it with poetry here’s entry 1 Btw, i have two of them lol https://www.instagram.com/p/CDqrDaJDfbT/?igshid=1ekmd6usm5knz

[miamonologues]

A Stranger at a Party

It was one of those parties I forgot I agreed to attend. The one where you and your close friend, Abrey is all pumped up in your conversation, so she casually brings it up.

“Oh by that way. Do you remember my cousin, Liza? You met her at my birthday party last year. She’s throwing one for her birthday on the 7th, and I don’t know anyone there but her.  Can you be my plus one?”

I said yes gladly because the date was too far ahead to seem like an actual thing. It was still November, and she was already booking me for the next month, so I simply assumed she’s casually bringing it up. Besides, she had other friends who’re more down to drink and party, and I practically knew no one there. I met the celebrant once, and it was during a collective introduction. I couldn’t even recall that that was her cousin’s name..

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It was one of those parties that starts during your bedtime. 10pm. I haven’t been to a club for a while, but it was an expected time. As always, I thought, here’s to a long night ahead.

“Hi, welcome! Of course, I remember you.” The host of the party, Liza, a very cheerful and pretty girl, greeted us. Walking into the party, I knew this celebrant had money to spend. Celebrating your birthday at a high-end club, booking a private room with 20-30 people capacity, you know you got the budget.

“Wow, how much do you think this room cost? Let alone the expensive drinks.” I muttered to Abrey. She agreed, this is vast spending. And I even chuckled when I saw Abrey on her phone searching for the rates.

As we glanced around the room, Abrey and I settled on two comfy individual couches, as if the party knew we would be the odd ones out.  I took a long swig at the beer in my hand. One that I purchased because, again, anti-social tendencies. Abrey and I are good friends, and we talk about a lot of important things about our personal lives. But I guess we knew better than those intimate conversations are not suitable for a party like this. We’re here for a good time. And for the free booze, as I thought. But kind of too late for that.

“I’m not used to you being all quiet,” Abrey teases. It made us laugh.

The start of parties like this gives out a high-pitched yet awkward nature. Everyone sees each other, and it’s been a long time, so there are endless hoots and welcomes. People get acquainted with each other. It’s a vibrant lightning round of catching up and getting to know. But at the same time, no one’s loose enough because the booze hasn’t been flowing just yet. If you’re one of those who practically knew no one sincerely but the friend who invited you, the anti-social tendencies significantly manifest. I get that feeling of superiority to be just the observer.  It’s a skill I often use to survive a party.

Just as I wished for a buzz to happen so I can be a better party goer, a club staff came in with two bottles of fine tequila and another two bottles of whiskey. And four pitchers of beer. Liza started shouting, announcing that the party’s officially starting

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Shots make you feel like you belong because all parties oblige everyone to be part of the very first one. After a few more with my friend, I finally transformed into a mode that I take advantage of, especially when the party’s filled with strangers: I talk to them.

I did some sort of lap, and I’ve acquainted with a boy named Jason. He was charming, and I can tell he’s trying. I see my friend acquainted with someone as well. She was giving me her nod of approval as if I asked her permission and even though she wasn’t I gave her one in return.

We enter the party’s peak, which is the loudest yet fastest one of all—the one where everyone is drinking, dancing, talking to each other, and getting drunk all at the same time. The ratio is now scattered. One half shows the strong and willfully determined to finish every song, drink and conversation. The other half is likely to be paralyzingly drunk, a quarter of the other half is taking care of them, and the remainder of the ratio probably went home.

I was in the former, during those peak minutes. Again, I’m still in the “interesting” mode.

After a sloppy make-out session with Jason, I met with Abrey just outside the party room. She handed me a cigarette. We both talked about the boys we were hanging out with. We both agreed they were ok but never talked anything about getting romantic or special with them. Abrey said the boy she was with, Matt, was a good kisser. I lied about Jason. We had the highest pitched conversation and we were laughing while planning how to ditch them. Jason came out as well, and I smoothly exited and went back to the party room before a conversation with me in it took place, Abrey did the talking. And I telepathically thanked her. I was exhausted. A good old sign that I had a proper time, as expected, when in a party.

Just as I entered the room, Liza greeted me with a raised eyebrow, “So, you and Jason, huh? Good choice.”  She winked.

It didn’t impress me, but I was proud because I had a good eye for choosing who to settle with at a party.

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Abrey and I—and apparently, Matt and Jason—were among the last few people there. The party was a success. It ticked off everything on the list that may likely to happen in a party. Abrey booked an Uber for us and it was one of the successful plans that worked in ditching both Matt and Jason.

The Uber arrived and we bid farewell to Liza, Justin—Abrey’s other cousin, Matt, Jason, and some other people that I am quite sure I forgot the names of. Abrey and I had another one of our high-pitched talks in the car before we settled in comfortable silence.

The ride home from a party is usually my medium for enlightenment. Who knew that a 15-20 minute ride home will be an efficient means to reevaluate what I did and didn’t do at a particular party? And this all transpired just as the clock has passed the 3 am mark.

Time for enlightenment starts now. Surprisingly, I was feeling apathetic with everything that’s happened in those hyped four hours. Of course, a lot of my moral conduct has yet again been tampered with—by me. Being disinhibited for a short time gave me some measure of how I managed my way from being a stranger to someone who’s “interesting”  then back to a stranger.

It seeped through me that even though a party was banging, I’ve already become habituated with being knowledgeable about the sequence of events that are likely to come forth. Almost always they happen. Parties like these have become too predictable. And that epiphany sucks. Either parties were becoming lamer and lamer for me, or I’m becoming lamer and lamer.

Even though I went in and out of that party as a stranger, the party was not at all a stranger to me.

[miamonologues]

In her bedroom, Yasmin casually sits on her desk along with her morning read: her Instagram feed. It was not her general account but a ghost account that only follows her celebrity idols, inspirational quotes, recipes, and online shops.

She is in a particularly healthy mood until she stops to read a quotation post about who famous personalities or pop culture veterans were before they were famous:

At 23…

Tina Fey was working at the YMCA.

Oprah had just been fired as a TV reporter.

And Walt Disney had just declared bankruptcy.

 She read the text twice and stands abruptly from her seat, ignoring a head rush. Exasperated, she uttered.

 “Shit!”

She threw her phone in the bed and started pacing around in her small bedroom as if looking for some sign. The pace was not long. It was only four steps, point to point. She then went to her closet’s mirror.

 Catching her breath, as if the pacing took three miles, she started a conversation.

“Ok, you’re 22 now. You have at least three months before your next birthday and so consider this your calm before the storm! Yeah. At least I’m prepared.” Ending her talk on a cheerful note.

But then she started to panic.

“Why did I have to read that??? It’s practically saying that it might mean that my next year would make or break me into someone in the far distant future. Maybe I will hate whoever I am in the future. Jeez.”

She said that very quickly, that she had a puzzling look on her face, trying to figure out what the fuck she meant. She continued:

“There’s a huge possibility that this may apply. It may also not. Oh my god, what if this is it? Am I the line ‘At 23’?” She questioned. 

“This sucks.”  

Making gestures with her hands, she started getting ‘logical’.

“A pre-conceived notion of things makes the result inauthentic. If I fail on purpose, it’s as if it’s just so that I would have a narrative like Tina Fey’s, one of the greatest women in comedy I mean…”

Then with a more pleasant and cheerful tone:

“Well you’re actually in the right track, though. Here’s a list: You’re unemployed. You have little to none savings. You write but not share it. You want to change career tracks, but you are not sure yet. Most of your interests have no interest at all in money-making. You’re good.” She claps.

“You’re good.” She laughs. 

After realizing that maybe the conversation with her reflection is over, Yasmin sits on the bed, yet still facing the mirror.

 “Listen. You’re young; you’re putting this all on yourself. Just be 23 in three months and try to remove the cosmic motivation that you got to have your shit not figured out on purpose once you reach that age. Right, right, remove the cosmic meaning of age.” She let out a sigh and chuckle.

 Yasmin lies fast on the bed. Staring at her bedroom ceiling, she started to narrate what just happened.

 Laughing “At 22, Yasmin panicked about her life over an Instagram post. Is that quote even true?”

Yasmin looks for her phone. Once she retrieved it, she started browsing through it again, and never even searched if the post was accurate.

#humor

[miamonologues]

What really happens when you watch a zombie movie

When zombies approach, they come in a hoard. When zombie movies are ought to be watched, they are also watched as a hoard. It's some of the unspoken holy rules of movie night. It may be due to reasons I will not truly understand, but my verdict is. Apparently, it's more entertaining to share zombie commentaries within a group.

Once everyone is settled on the decision, snacks are prepared, and no feet are on the floor, you're ready to press start. Oh, don't forget to dim the lights. Add those to the rules.

Ever noticed how before or after watching a zombie film, it heightens up some compelling conversation between the watchers about how they will survive an apocalypse? That's another unspoken rule.  Everyone has already laid out their own survival plan for a possible zombie apocalypse. You may not even realize it, but you already do. Don't deny that you've already planned on setting up camp first in a supermarket or a convenience store.

To be completely honest, I enjoy investing my time in the hypothetical action plans for a zombie breakout. It's exciting when the group is prompted to have a heated talk about it. The conversation your group creates just becomes very tactical and cinematically prepared. It was as if everyone has been training for this ever since zombies only walked. We plan it as if we have the most effortless accessibility to guns and melee weapons. If you observe within that discussion, you'll eventually see who's the more risk-taking and risk-averse, who has more endurance in possible zombie chases. You'll even see who's likely to be a psychopath because of one's desire to kill by any means possible.

What a great way to escape reality. Place yourself in a zombie-infested situation that you're sure will work out as you planned it. Science will never die, and those people know their shit. Who knows, maybe we'll be executing our "plans" should the world announces that zombies are taking over. Perhaps the conversations that we rightfully spent an adequate amount of time on discussing will finally happen.

I always end delightful zombie movie nights with a calm and almost apathetic aura. It makes my night interesting. A good cap off.

I stare at nothing. After everyone is done with sharing their rightful plans, I tilt my head back. Eyes roll, then I make a wrenching sound with my mouth while placing my tongue out. My body goes into extreme contortions, which makes that one gymnastic class I took paid off. I go into a seizure. And cap off my moving performance with a light shriek.

And then I stop. And everything goes back to normal. Although everyone else in the room is either frightened or weirded out by you. That's fine. Because if I learned anything with these apocalypse action plan conversations, it's that NO ONE ever makes an action plan on becoming a zombie.

So, if it’s movie night and the zombie movies win, it’s the perfect time to revise your apocalypse survival plan and add: “how I will transition from human to zombie”

Make it dramatic.

#humor #zombies

[miamonologues]

You know one of those rare occasions as a child wherein some grown-up would ask you to perform or simply talk to an audience (that are mostly strangers for you) and you’re terrified that you might embarrass yourself? Well putting this page up is like a reverse childhood nightmare. I’m letting myself be embarrassed in front of stranger. I let my work just be because I’m not here to impress anyone. All we need is lol. Being on the internet is a very vulnerable place. So we might as well intellectually flash people with no shame 👀 https://www.instagram.com/p/CDd55ynpWAn/?igshid=1cqty67i4vtun

[miamonologues]

[miamonologues]

Notes I found on my phone ep 3

We gotta love a poet. I dont even remember this. Maybe I was listening way too seriously to some taylor swift song who knows

[miamonologues]

You're probably in the wrong place. Might as well put it some place else

Me to my thoughts

[miamonologues]

just putting this out here

Women can be funny

Women can be funny

Women can be funny

Women can be funny

Women can be funny

Women can be funny

Women can be funny

Women can be funny

Women can be funny

Women can be funny

Women can be funny

Women can be funny

I just have to. I’m going to remember this day. 

[miamonologues]

Females are strong as hell

Some lessons from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

This is a newly introduced series to me by my own Netflix algorithm and let me tell you, IT'S MY NEW FAVORITE ONE. I finished the series quickly because it was "unputdownable." I had to keep watching because the entertainment it provided served me well (it's practically my kind of humor). Despite being a comedy with a light-hearted ending, I kind of cried when it ended because, well, I had to keep going now with my own life. Back to boring paperwork and non-fiction reading. So instead of moping about it (and yes, I know I can just re-watch it again, but you and I know it'll feel different), I thought, why not list down SOME lessons I learned from its four main characters. I emphasized the word SOME because, believe me, you will learn so much more. Not just from the plot and these four characters but from the other characters that are unmentioned here. So here we go, what Kimmy, Titus, Jacqueline, and Lillian taught me.

What Kimmy taught me:

Kimmy taught me to not let your past define you, and being a late bloomer has a lot of advantages. Intentions are pure, ego untainted, and your presence becomes infectious. Sure, she may have missed a whole big chunk of her life, but she also realized how much she hasn't. The world will continue to evolve with or without us in it, so what's there to miss? We'll bloom just as much.

You will never do the world harm by choosing to be kind. It was always about helping people when it comes to Kimmy, which became one of her callings and ultimate purpose in life as the series escalated. While the people around her taught her that the world can be cruel sometimes, and we become accustomed to it, she chose to kill the cruelty with her unconditional kindness.

You can be tough without compromising your sweet and loving self. Kimmy had to learn the ins and outs of life's cycle. She may have suppressed her feelings and emotions at some point, but she knew that we're all entitled to all feelings. Which made her character very likable. Eventually, she learned anger, frustration, rage, and sadness. It wasn't always love and happiness, but she knew it was just part of our functioning.

Face your demons, but move forward while doing it. Trauma is not to be ignored by a person's past experiences. Even though Kimmy had trouble facing her past, she still did. But instead of staying in the past, she met it by saying, "yep, that's all that is. The past". It's not likely for someone like Kimmy to be at peace with her terrifying bunker past. Still, she is as the title says, unbreakable.

What Titus taught me:

He gave me a new light on how to view gay characters in a series. He is NOT your gay best friend, but an entire character and heroine that completes this show. An openly gay role in American entertainment is like a Hollywood Archetype for "sidekick/best friend to make serious and dark topics seem lighter and funny." Uhm, no. Titus is different. He is known for how unapologetic and opinionated he is. Making him a strong character that you should not be messing with.

He taught me to be expressive and passionate. It's not easy to in New York, a place to live your dreams and other people who chose it to live their dreams. Titus taught me to never compromise doing what you love for the sake of fortune and stability. Rent should've been taking notes.

He taught me to stay true and continue to pursue your ultimate dream. Despite his self-centered and lethargic temperament, he is authentic and resilient. His character improves in the series without compromising his beliefs and goals. Eventually, he got what he's always dreamed of. Along with Mikee, which btw, I STAN their relationship and I’ve been rooting for them since their first conversation.

What Jacqueline taught me:

She taught me to never forget to look back at where I came from. Like Kimmy, Jacqueline tried to forget and abandon her past. Although it wasn't because of trauma and suppressed emotions, Jacqueline became neglectful of her roots. After massive shifts in her life, she eventually decided to go back and embrace her family roots. Which provided not only her peace of mind but also to fulfill a purpose that is anchored towards her family's heritage. Throughout the rest of the series, we also see how she kept in touch with her family and how they have been supportive of her as she rebuilds her life.

She taught me that's it's okay to start again.  After several mishaps in her lavish lifestyle, Jacqueline realizes that she has much more worth than a trophy wife. Her character developed as much as well in the series. Dealing with divorce, being broke, and having no experience to start a career. She killed it anyways.

She taught me to learn how to unlearn. Coming from a wealthy and obnoxious lifestyle, Jacqueline had to keep up with her change of status, which made her humble herself and put others first. Whether it was for Kimmy or a random stranger. Even with how she tackled love and dating. In season 3, she fell in love with a man because of his compassion and care for the better (which she broke off eventually when that man became a narcissistic, self-serving being). Towards the end of the series, she questioned a man who was attracted to her. Pointing out that he should like her for who she is and not just for her looks. Kudos to Jacqueline for being able to do an easy job in starting all over again—and—being able to do it in style.

What Lillian taught me:

She taught me how to fight for what I believe in. With her unconventional ways and dispositions, Lillian was the more badass gal in the group with her continuous fight for anti-gentrification and preserving the neighborhood. Including its crime-filled community, kind-of-unhygienic but vintage establishments, and torn down structures and buildings (give it a break, it's an absurd comedy). Even though some of her character's dispositions are impractical, Lillian taught me to always fight for what I believe in. Even if our beliefs sound impractical, we have a voice. What better way to use that than to speak them out and who knows, maybe someone will listen and take action with you.

She taught me to not care about what others think of me. Like Titus, this is what Lillian has been throughout the series. True to herself. Even when she started dating a rich man, and Jacqueline insisted she had a makeover when she was about to meet his family, Lillian didn't comply. She liked who she is doesn't care what people think of her. In this new age of selfies and personal branding, caring what other people think has been mainstream since we got introduced to social media. We can't blame those who do care because the internet says so. So next time I find myself overthinking what others have to say about me, I'll think of Lillian.

Final thoughts:

First, to say that the series is relatable is a downplay. This series attacks topics through its characters about modern and mainstream problems about society. They tackle it absurdly and funnily, but still quite agreeable.

Second, you can learn a lot from these four characters, and it's unlikely that there is a character from these four that you will hate. Because once you watch it, you will admit to yourself that, at some point, you may have been like a Kimmy, Titus, Jacqueline, or Lillian in your life. And I don't just mean on their mistakes and blunders. Just the entirety of how they represent what their character stands for. Especially with how their characters develop as the series profressed. This series stays true because we are only humans who make mistakes just as much as we will make successes from these mistakes. It's the circle of life.

And lastly, it's pure comedic genius work that is woke and hella funny. Kudos to the creators of this show. It sucks that it only lasted 4 seasons. You will love joining these four people in their adventure through life. And I agree 1000% to the series' theme: Females are strong as hell.

P.S. I'm re-watching it again. Feel free to judge. And I love you, Tina Fey

#unbreakable kimmy schmidt #tina fey #kimmy schmidt #titus andromedon #netflix #comedy

[miamonologues]

Notes I found on my phone ep 2

During quarantine I decided to read the entire Harry Potter series and apparently I ranked them from best to least favorite hahaha

#potterhead #books

[miamonologues]

yes, and...lol

I’M STUDYING IMPROV

Now for some context. Let me present you first the pieces of the puzzle.

About a month ago, I’ve made the decision to consciously build my “dinner party list” or just list down the names of women I look up to. In that list was the remarkable Tina Fey. I realized this when I chose to watch a movie she starred in Date Night twice, with not more than a 2-week gap. Insane. What’s even more insane was that I realized I only wanted to watch it again because she was in it. And that means something.

And that’s: I have the sapiosexual hots for Tina Fey. Not gonna lie she’s pretty hot. My type.

Now, I have a lot of reasons and explanations for this—by which deserves its own entire essay.

But, a few weeks ago I read Amy Poehler’s book Yes Please. Confused? Ok, stay with me. I had both Amy Poehler and Tina Fey’s book, Bossypants on my reading list and I just happened to choose Yes Please to read first because it has been showing up in a lot of women book clubs I follow. And you know what they say in Psychology, familiarity is the top trait for attractiveness. Anyways, I finished Yes Please and I’m in the middle of reading Bossypants. When Amy Poehler described her experience and love for improv, I’m intrigued. She mentioned Tina Fey in the book several times which made me excited to read hers. They are basically just sending love letters to each other in their books. It’s fascinating, their friendship. From Amy’s book I picked up a few things about Amy and improv: 1) Amy Poehler made improv sound like a fun craft and art to master because it allows you to be expressive of yourself, authentically. She practically lived and breathe improv and I’m sure that her genius-ness that she has now had something to do with it; 2) Amy Poehler is such a smart performer/artist/actor because she’s able to provide wisdom in an entertaining, funny, and straightforward manner; and 3) She and Tina Fey are my kind of iconic duo. Unproblematic, hilarious, and wise. I’m tempted to watch Baby Mama (again), now. I’m still reading Bossypants but I’m already at the chapter where Tina introduced improv. She’s already provided her version of improv wisdom, and just like Amy’s, genius.

The clock strikes 12:30am.

I watched an episode of UCB Asssscat show, the improv group Amy was a part of, but it was the show that had other improv guests, including Tina. I was laughing too hard, I loved it. I watched the masters do their thing. I felt like I was a part of the audience. I felt these geniuses just wealthy of novelty and reference. They were not even trying to be funny. I have to learn more about this. I thought.

After watching that I searched everything I can find about improv and while I don’t want to actually become an improv performer—because social anxiety—I thought maybe just learn it and apply it in my own life to spice things up (In a practical way, of course. Imagine me yes, and-ing just about everything? That’s just dangerous).

Two Youtube videos and three articles read from Google later. I had a wake-up call. THIS IS THE PERFECT SKILL TO LEARN SO I CAN IMPROVE MY LIFE. I’m not even overstating this because I was able to list down why:

1. Improve will teach me how to be less uptight. I do video blogs and more often than not, I have several videos that I never put up because it felt flat and boring. Then, I realized that these never-before-seen-and-probably-never-will videos had a common theme: they were unscripted. I realized I was a better storyteller and public speaker when I have a script prepared. I freeze and lag most of the time when I don’t. Improv teaches A to C. Which is basically a technique for association. Hopefully on my next video blogs I would be able to perform my monologue better through this practice. Also, I realized that I always had to have something prepared or “armed” with something when it comes to self-expression. Improv practically teaches you that no one is armed with anything but their yes, and’s and having each other’s back all throughout. As someone who always needs a form of structure or internal monologue prepared, improv is basically a good practice to break that habit of mine.

2. Improv will tame my lone wolf character Being a lowkey and no-one-should-know-I’m-an-achiever all my life, I can’t help it but feel that I’m better operating alone. I have worked in a team during college, and I’ve lead most of those teams, however, I wanted to lead because I wanted to really oversee everything that’s happening and take control or take over, if necessary. Well, in improv, these temperaments suck. Because it’s not really about you anymore. It’s about making the other person look good and gorgeous on stage. You have to take care of other as they take care of you. It’s not a “me, me, me” craft. It’s a collaborative effort. Which is what I need.

3. Improv will make me less hesitant I hate being put on the spot not just because I have a semi-condition with social anxiety but also I always have hints of regret that I should’ve given better input and I barely make my point across. Being always too careful with my words, unable to clearly respond (literally, I sometimes stammer), not giving my best. Improv teaches that it’s a platform where it’s okay that you’re not a perfect performer because 1) It’s improv and you’re always gonna be on your toes so not all the time your expectations are brought and 2) You have your group who’s got your back. It’s not a competition which I think is where my hesitation will root back on. It’s a fun conversation, improv.

4. Improv will make me less insecure My path not taken but actually wanted to was showbusiness. Why do you look so surprised? I think most of us had that star in us that’s just waiting for their big moment to arrive. I didn’t take action on this because for most of my life I never saw myself as presentable and pleasing for the public. That’s why I compensated by leading others instead and becoming a brain stormer and creative content creator. I loved the art, hated the playing field. 

Well if I can take anything from Amy Poehler’s Yes Please. It’s that improv never made her feel like she has to be good looking and pretty all the time. Improv, visually, is very plain and easy to absorb. I mean that explanation in a very very very good way because the visuals of improv is more of a playground of ideas and on-the-spot entertainment, so got to keep it plain and easy for the eyes because it will be filled with creative ideas by the improvisers. 

Improv is a place to be—imma say it again—authentic. You won’t even care what you look like because it’s part of your work as an improviser. Improv is not just a place wherein if you’re a woman, you had to be the pretty girlfriend, wife, or side chick. You can create any strong character that pleases the scene. And as someone with a burning desire to perform, it’s a perfect playing field. It’s still going out of my comfort zone without the compromise of having to be the best at it.

7 May 2020

PS since i wrote this a long time ago, i took my first improv class last week. It was sooo fulfilling, and fun, and just a bunch of individuals letting loose. I sucked tho - present mia

[miamonologues]

Young, Wild, and Robert Frostin’

All self-help books that I’ve come across had the authors sharing their own stories on how it was super beneficial for them to “swim against the current”. How they had to crawl their way into life with their unorthodox ways to fulfill their purpose. Or to just simply not do as what is expected of them by society. Or their mothers. These authors made a name for themselves even if it included sacrificing a lot of the hard work they thought led up to something benign and would grant them stability. And a whole lot of money.

But what they don’t tell you is how to do it at a young age. Say you’re 23, and you left your corporate job at 22 because it’s not who you are, and you’ll live a better life if you so you can get out into the ocean once again to… “swim against the current”. These books will motivate you by putting your head down or starting and just getting it going. They’ll also send you tough love on your way out with the phrases it won’t be perfect, or it’s going to be messy. And then they’ll compensate that impending burden by saying ...but you’re gonna love it or relax, things take time. Or end it with a metaphor inclining to an image of metamorphosis like you’re a caterpillar about to turn into butterfly bullshit. Or a scene from a movie. Wherein the protagonist leaves all the false hope fed to her by others and does what’s best for her. While wearing a fantastic outfit that apparently she can afford, plus empowering background music. Because nothing comforts us more than an inspirational scene from a film, hoping that we can translate and reflect into our own realities. Thanks, Hollywood.

You see what they don’t depict and emphasize on pulling a Robert Frost is how exhausting it can be when you do do it at a young age. How you’ll have days wherein you question your entirety. How you’ll be living off your paycheck. How you’ll find yourself served with a bowl of existential crisis and becoming restless seems like the only option to address and alleviate it. How it actually is when you’re inside the cocoon before the hatch. It’s tense and tiring. It also involves a lot of emotional eating, so expect a Robert Frost 15 in the process.

And I also see it as a problematic approach. All of a sudden, people are entitled to giving you advice and saying that realizing your real desire at an early age is not “recommended” yet. And what’s weird is that it’ll be coming from the older people in your life that ALSO TOOK THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED. But at a later age. They don’t want you trying out something different because you haven’t basically done anything in life yet. As if they’re saying being an early bird gives you a stale worm, don’t bother. But isn’t that the point of living a life with intention? It’s paradoxical when people tell you to chase the dream LATER because you haven’t done much yet in life and that there’s still time. But that’s the point in itself. Realizing early that you don’t like your current job or your current degree and wanting to shift careers or majors BECAUSE It’s what you’d instead want doing in life. And without wasting time on what’s not serving you now.

So if you’re a young individual who arrived early with a realization that what you think you wanted before isn’t really your soulmate. Or if you had an epiphany that you’re capable of creating your own gratification because you found out that your current job won’t do the trick. Just pull a damn Robert Frost, but please remember that it’ll get exhausting. At some point, you would want to take a break and just go off. It’ll even tempt you to go back to your comfort zone and be miserable again. I respect the self-help books and the author’s experiences of taking that risk. But even if we resonate and parallel our lives with their stories, it’s never going to be similar. We’re too keen on dismissing the other half of that famous sentence, which is a lot more powerful and will keep us hopeful “…and that has made all the difference.”

I’m still bridging the gaps as to where I am now with my journey of taking the road less traveled, so I can’t help you much with your own journey. But do I have any advice for you? Sure: Robert Frostin’ can be exhasutin’. So when you screw up, don’t forget to laugh. 

4 July 2019 7:28pm

[miamonologues]

discoveries

there are some discoveries that aren’t always pleasing to our minds, and yet, we indulge ourselves with it. we invest our time grappling facts and forming realities. we’re humans. we have intellect. but we also have feelings and emotions that are continuously being debunked by scholars and rationalized, for us to understand. and these two things—intellect and emotions—play a major role in our episodic discoveries. if u use them wisely, and you get an outcome that fascinates and maybe even satisfies you. and if u play dumb with it, you might go crazy and maybe even relentless.

as for me, i am writing this simply because im having that episodic discovery. my mind is accustomed to the facts laid out and realities shown, but my heart becomes rebellious and my emotions arise. even if i point out numerous times that i am smart and i have it all under control. and eventually i would just face defeat. for both sides. i let the facts be facts and my emotions be emotions. i am knowledgeable and vulnerable. i am equipped with rationality, and i have nothing to lose... but my own sanity.