ni-na-ba-by-19-98

[ni-na-ba-by-19-98]

“Come love, make me better than I was. Come teach me a kinder way to say my own name.”

- Andrea Gibson, from "Good Light," Lord of the Butterflies

[ni-na-ba-by-19-98]

[ni-na-ba-by-19-98]

It’s always “the calm before the storm” yet no one ever talks about what lays in waiting after the storm. The rain washing away every awful thing bringing in new and lovely things. No one talks about how with those new lovely things comes an awful amount of grief and regret. I am at a loss, knowing that I finally have what I’ve always wanted deep down, but I lost you along the way. I regret not being there. I ache from the memories of the entire time. I want to be able to share it with you. At last I am finally accepted and truly loved for every part of who I am, like it was always meant to be this way. Yet I can not stand the fact that you’re not here to be a part of it.

#late night thoughts #lgbtq #literature #newfriends #Spotify

[ni-na-ba-by-19-98]

This is now my villain era~

[ni-na-ba-by-19-98]

Sitting here by myself, I let my mind run free. Old and new me battling to the death as I think about the things I shouldn’t. Unsure if its the mania or the fact I’ve been slipping lately. Why should I care at the moment? I’m enjoying the chase of the high. I don’t care about rules no more. The villainous parts taking over and I’m okay with it. What’s the worse to happen? Being told no? Oh well. This new found enjoyment of the control I hold is immensely overwhelming in the greatest way possible. Oh the things I could do…

#dark souls #late night thoughts #newfriends

[ni-na-ba-by-19-98]

You haunt my mind.

[ni-na-ba-by-19-98]

I hate that I still love her. My mind wondering to places she may be. Finding reminders of her in the things I do. A constant longing for something not there. All the bad should outweigh the good yet somehow, some way, I find myself here. Here floating and riding the high that comes from her. I HATE that I love her. So high I don’t want to come down. So addicted I can’t walk away no matter the pain.

#lgbtq #newfriends #random writing #late night thoughts

[ni-na-ba-by-19-98]

You did something for me I couldn’t do for myself. You loved me for who I am.

William Chapman

[ni-na-ba-by-19-98]

[ni-na-ba-by-19-98]

“Just because you took longer than others doesn’t mean you failed. Remember that.”

— Unknown

[ni-na-ba-by-19-98]

“She didn’t need to be saved. She needed to be found and appreciated for exactly who she was.”

— j. iron word

[ni-na-ba-by-19-98]

“I’m independent and strong, but sometimes…just sometimes, it’s nice to be taken care of.”

— Samantha Towle

[ni-na-ba-by-19-98]

“You sometimes think you want to disappear, but all you really want is to be found.”

— Kid Cudi

[ni-na-ba-by-19-98]

“I demolish my bridges behind me…then there is no choice but to move forward.”

— Fridtjof Nansen

[ni-na-ba-by-19-98]

“I once told her I wasn’t good at anything. She told me survival is a talent.”

— Sysanna Kaysen

[ni-na-ba-by-19-98]

let me be your coffee

for you won't find anything

tastier than me.

and I promise

to turn your wake up

into a beautiful

sleepless night.

--- h.harouche

[ni-na-ba-by-19-98]