notjennyfromtheblocked - Tumblr blog

notjennyfromtheblocked · 14 days

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Putting the whole truth out there in the hopes it could help someone.

As many of you know over the summer last year I did some pretty horrible stuff towards two trans people. The rundown foe those who don't know: I got a crush on a trans man, not knowing he was trans at first, but he eventually came out as a trans man. I had a friend who I met in college who was afab. I asked my male friend out and he told me I wasn't his type. I decided, based on nothing more than him saying I wasn't his type, that he said that because he was T4T. The three of us were friends for about five years.

My other friend came from a very abusive family. When she started college she sought therapy and was diagnosed with BPD. She told me that when she was in high school she once joined theatre because she had a crush on a guy in the class.

After my trans male friend turned me down, she came put as bigender and wanted to go by either she/her or he/him. I decided that because she had been diagnosed with BPD, and didn't come out until after he had turned me down and I decided that meant he was T4T that she was faking being trans to trick him into dating her. We are all on pur mid 20s.

I started a discord for fandom reasons and a bunch of 16 year olds joined. I convinced them that she was manipulating him and basically raping him against his will and faking being trans because shebwas bigender and not presenting androgynously enough for my liking but the truth was I was jealous and finding Amy excuse to blame her. I talked so much ahit on her on this discord and kept showing tiktok videos about how people with BPD are evil. I convinced these 16 year olds to brake into her (I'm using her pronouns since she's OK with both and I don't want this to get confusing by saying he/him too much and I genuinely cannot remember the fake names I gave them in the AITA) anyway I convinced them to break into her apartment with me and have an intervention. We basically pinned her against her counter and insulted her, called her all sorts of names and pushed her a bit. Like physically pushed her. So she started freaking out and screaming and the noise we made got her in trouble with her landlord. Anyway I immediately tried to seduce her boyfriend and tell him not to ever contact her again because she'll lie about me but he didn't believe me. Anyway I ended up with two restraining orders. I made an aita and I purposely worded things and left details put to make it look a certain way but nobody fell for it and then she made a rebuttal which kinda made me spiral a bit ans double down.

Eventually the response kinda woke me up and I realized I had fucked up. In fact i sterted thinking about a lot of my behavior for years. I thought about how i planned my hallway routine between classes to basically follow my favorite male teacher. I had him as a teacher and then one day the office pulled me into the office and topd me thet i needed to be in a different class and they needed to change my schedule ans it wasnt until recently i realized he mustve asked them to take me out because i qasnr subtle about following him. I srill continued to follow him though he wasnr my teacher. I even found out he would be shopping at a certain time and basically threw a fit until my mom went shopping at the same time but didn't tell her why I asked and I followed him at the grocery store too. And then he moved to a different school and I told everyone that he and I had had an affair. Mind you I was in my mid teens so I definitely wasn't too young to understand what I was doing was inappropriate. He actually had to leave thebjob hed just got hired on because the staff found out about my rumor. Of course i immediately admitted once the cops got involved that i just lied so he was able to get another job. But still.

On top of that my behavior in collegevwas also inappropriate. Despite calling my bigender friend a slut because she made out with people at parties BEFORE we ever met our trans male friend, I was constantly going up to the attractive guys at the party and trying to bump and grind dance with them. I was asked to leave multiple parties and after I once made put wirh a passed out guy on the couch when I was sober (he was literally passed out and not responding) I was physically thrown out and everyone was aware that if I tried to show up to any more parties I was immediately kicked out. My behavior wirh my trans male friend was also bad. I was constantly grabbing his thigh, sticking my hands in his hoody pocket, calling him sexy, baby, honey etc, even after he told me to stop several times.

So I sought therapy but I didn't exactly have a lot of money so I saw a free counselor within my parents' church. The counselor doesn't have a license but was given the position within our church to be our church counselor. Anyway so I stert telling her about my trans friends and my restraining order but instead of calling me put on my behavior she was disgusted at how they reacted and disgusted at the response I got here on tumblr. The more I talked to her the more I felt correct. She even supported my behavior, telling me that they were dealing woth the consequences of their action. She misgendered my trans male friend frequently saying that God had been trying to use me as a conduit to teach them to follow the commandments and the Bible. And it sounds absolutely ridiculous but it was addi ting at the time to basically be told I was a hero and everyone else was a villain.

So I started talking on the discord again and I kept getting angrier ans angrier the more I ranted and my counselor agreed and sorta egged me on by saying that bad people deserve to be be punished and that they were bad people because theybwere sinners due to living together before marriage as well as being trans and leading me on etc. So on discord I would say mean and violent stuff whole talkong with one of the 16 year olds that hadn't blocked me after it all went down and because of my restraining order I convinced this teenager to attack my bigender friend because I knew of she got hurt or died then my trans male friend would be hurt emotionally and may be receptive ro me trying to comfort him and I could use the situation to make him fall in love with me. Well she was hit in the face multiple times with a can. She was injured really bad. And the 16 year old ratted me out because shebwas like "well the bitch deserved it, she's a freak of nature and a psychopath"

I had told so many lies. I was living in a fantasy world in my head. I was constantly making plans and fantasizing and daydreaming about my life as if it were a movie. I convinced myself that my bigender friend was a bad girl boyfriend for the guy I had a crush in and so therefore everything she did I twisted to make her a villain so I could swoop in and play hero and use "story stucture" to earn his love like I lived in a movie.

Ive been charged with several crimes and all my chats and discord messages have been provided as evidence, as well as photographs of me violating my restraining order (I had it in my head that if I made sure to stay outside the official 'parameters' of hoe close I could stand that it didn't count. So I would literally count how many feet away from their house, walk an extra ten feet away, and just stare at their house and watch them for hours, same at grocery stores. Even though I totally thought that I was legally in the clear because I was technically not within the certain feet.) andnacreenshots of posts I've made online that were clearly targeted towards them. My parents bailed me out over Christmas but I still had court dates.

Well initially this angered me so I tried contacting the 16 year old again and just fully violated my restraining order by leaving threatening messages on her phone and sending him messages begging him to realize shebwas abusive and that because he and I were both introverts we belonged together and that all extroverts were psychopaths and that for his safety he should put her down like a dog. He blocked my yet another throwaway account and obviously informed the right people so I was arrested again and by thst time there were mountains of evidence.

However as people looked over all my social media and screenshots and behavior they decided that I have something wrong with me in terms of mental health so they're currently trying to Gove me a different type of sentence where I go to a mental health hospital facility instead of prison. It's still a type of prison but for people who have mental health issues.

They required me to speak to a licensed psychiatrist and I'm currently on house arrest and there will be an official for real sentencing court later on. I'm being charged with stalking, several types of assault charges, charges similar to like hiring a hitman, exploitation, etc. There are a lot. I've been talking to my psychiatrist and there are several theories as to what I might have and what comorbidities that come with it. We are trying various medications until we find the right combination that fit me and the aide effects aren't debilitating.

I just wanted to give you a little update on my life and to explain tlnot only that I was wrong, but full disclosure on the extent of how badly I messed up and several instances of me messing up. I have been thinking about maybe trying to explain further so other people can spot warning signs that they need to re evaluate their lives but I truly don't think that I have the credentials to do that.

But to those who encouraged me: you are bad people. You are not my friends. You need help. Please get help before it's too late and you hurt people the way I hurt people. I loterally, literally ruined multiple lives, lives of people I really loved, ans will absolutely be spending a lot of time in a mental health facility for criminals. I will never, ever be able to mend my friendship with either of my former friends and several teenagers have criminal records now because I convinced them to do bad things on my behalf. I intentionally manipulated them knowing I could convince them because if their age. It doesn't matter how sorry I am. Someone has a permanently disfigured face because of me. None of these people will ever forgive me because I genuinely don't deserve forgiveness and it doesn't matter how mentally unhealthy and what disorders i have because many people have mlsimilar disorders and don't do ehat I did. Like. Thisbshit not only ruined my life but more importantly the lives of many many other people and anybody who encouraged me or turned me into the hero is as I was/am and YOU NEED TO GET HELP before you end up like me and hurt people and yourself.

#i'm sorry #personality disorder #Transphobia #Stalking #Violence

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notjennyfromtheblocked · 2 months

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Whoever sent this ask, or asks similar to this, stay out of my inbox.

My behavior was completely unacceptable and being encouraged is being enabled.

Im not quite okay yet, but I just had to spend time in a hospital. I have more court dates coming up and it's looking like I will probably be doing some time. I can't explain everything because I'm just not ready to do any of that yet because I'm beyond embarrassed ans wishing like hell I could go back in time and make a million different decisions starting probably a year ago if not more and also its not an excuse and I don't want anyone using me as an example to excuse their behavior and I also don't want anyone using me as an example to justify harassing other people either but I clearly had a mental health crisis ansnhave been having one for much longer than I can really pinpoint but I've started medication and I do feel different in a way I am not sure I've ever felt before so I'm sure I've been having mental health issues for a lot longer than I am aware and I'm going to have to do a lot of introspection.

I'm so sorry for the backlash you faced for that question. It was written in good faith, and its so upsetting people aren't seeing that. in a few years I'm sure they will look back and regret the hostility, because your questions are legitimate and you approached them with compassion.

I hope you're taking so much care of yourself and keeping yourself safe. 🫶 you deserve kindness. I'm sorry those people behaved that way; it's not fair at all.

sending love your way, friend! 🫶🫶💝💗

Im gonna hurt them both and they'll deserve it, granted I lied about a lot of stuff and yes I crossed many boundaries and yes I even touched and groped without consent HOWEVER at no point did anyone give me an ounce of understanding the way they would have if I claimed to have a personality disorder or if I were trans myself, and nobody dared to admit that i had every right to him. Im sorry but he SHOULD be with me, we are logically and factually more compatible in EVERY way. I know he said no and told me to stop bur i just know for a fsct that if i kept going he would've liked it eventually. If you have to lie, if you have to convince people around them so that THEY will convince him that we are literally meant to be, so be it!

PLUS these so called good PEople had two restraining orders put on me. You can get a restraining order on anybody for anything nowadays. What happened with my teacher was a decade ago, what about forgiveness being divine?

But now the parents of one of the kids who actually helped me wants to press charges for some.fuckong shit back in October because I was still talkong to the group chat and one girl beat the hell out of My Former Froend the Bitch in the parking lot. how am I supposed to control some.soxteen year old girl? maybe if someone is being """harassed""" and """"stalked"""" by me AND a sixteen year old girl so more than one person the cops need to realize it was deserved. Whether or not I Said stuff on discord and whether or not I said I wish that cunt would get her face kicked in isn't relevant, at16 she is capable of her own decisions and if she felt the need to defend me against FAKE TRANS BBITCH WITH A LOTERAL PERSOANLIT DISORDER then that's on her. She's lucky all she got were stitches because we all know she deserves more.

We shall see what the courts decide though, you know how psychopaths litrally manipulate courts all the time

#i'm sorry #terfs dni #enablers dni

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notjennyfromtheblocked · 3 months

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I hope you're taking so much care of yourself and keeping yourself safe. 🫶 you deserve kindness. I'm sorry those people behaved that way; it's not fair at all.

sending love your way, friend! 🫶🫶💝💗

We shall see what the courts decide though, you know how psychopaths litrally manipulate courts all the time

#asks #Honestly if I could leave this state I would #I legally can't but also I would miss Him you know?

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notjennyfromtheblocked · 3 months

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The more I interact with people the more I realize that extroversion is completely unnecessary and unnatural.

No, you do not need social interaction constantly. No you do not need hundreds of friends. Wtf is even small talk.

Humanity flourishes with small familial/found familial groups/friendships, and everyone needs alone time. Very few jobs ACTUALLY require extroversion to thrive. No, I don't want to have a conversation wirh my cashier or barista. We are making a transaction. We don't need to interact. And as time progresses with self service eventually we won't need even that. Don't speak to me if I'm purchasing something from your company. You're not my friend; you exist simply to give me what I am spending money to have. That is your purpose. I know you think becoming my friend will endear me to you so I can save you from the hellscape of boredom your job is, but that's not my obligation. This isn't Great Expectations. Being nice to a stranger won't give you a better life. Getting off your ass and applying yourself will; stop expecting introverts who are independent to do it for you.

Office work probably needs even less interaction. There's no reason FOR office work at all. It's a fact work from home was more productive. Most jobs don't actually need in-person work and if they do they definitely don't need you to be social. If you're in healthcare you fix my ass up and that's it. We dont need to chit chat. We don't even need to go out anymore tbh; that's why have the internet, online shopping, and DoorDash and Instacart. If it is required to go out, shut the fuck up and get back home asap. If you need to be social, go home and talk on the phone or use the internet or text. Nobody wants to hear your squawking laughter at restaurants and unintelligent gabbing at parks and stores. If you can't be noisy at your apartment or house, too bad. Should've bought your own hoke in a more secluded area. Don't make it pur problem. Cell phones in public should be for texting, dipshit. That's why it was invented. If you're waiting for an important phone call, STAY YOUR ASS AT HOME. I don't care about your problems! I don't know you! I don't want to overhear your cunt ass speak!

Any job that """requires""" talking to individuals in a conversational way is bullshit and it isn't actually necessary. Extroverts FORCED it to be a requirement by their nonstop yammering and FORCING people to put up with their look at me look at me main character syndrome. NOBODY should be making friends in a workplace environment anyway. Do you want to be betrayed and manipulated? Wait you're an extrovert. You're the one throwing us under the bus.

Do you think cavemen were partying and laughing noisily as possible and bragging about how social they are? No they were being quiet so they could hunt to survive. I guarantee that extroverts were killed by bears in the past. You think peasants and servants were making asses of themselves in public and forcing everyone to pretend they weren't annoyed? Do you think slaves were walking slow on sidewalks and taking up space in aisles to chat and never getting their work done because they were playing around but get away with being lazy because they're ass kissing their bosses with their extroversion? No. But you know who was doing that shit? Their rich ass elite royals and slave owners. Servants mind their business and Eat the Rich sociopaths were gossiping. Extroverts will manipulate everyone around them by playing invented games like "how to act exactly as society demands and say all the right opinions without offering an actual opinion" to get everyone on their side then you'll see how they act off the clock and they're totally different. This is SOCIOPATHY. You're a schmoozing sociopath who fucking lies and everyone thinks you're annoying and hates your fucking GUTS but Society demands we can't tell it how it is.

TLDR; extroversion is an invented word to cover for psychopathy, manipulation, and coercive control over the masses.

#personality disorder #extrovert #introvert #red flags

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notjennyfromtheblocked · 3 months

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The more I interact with people the more I realize that extroversion is completely unnecessary and unnatural.

No, you do not need social interaction constantly. No you do not need hundreds of friends. Wtf is even small talk.

Office work probably needs even less interaction. There's no reason FOR office work at all. It's a fact work from home was more productive. Most jobs don't actually need in-person work and if they do they definitely don't need you to be social. If you're in healthcare you fix my ass up and that's it. We dont need to chit chat. We don't even need to go out anymore tbh; that's why have the internet, online shopping, and DoorDash and Instacart. If it is required to go out, shut the fuck up and get back home asap. If you need to be social, go home and talk on the phone or use the internet or text. Nobody wants to hear your squawking laughter at restaurants and unintelligent gabbing at parks and stores. If you can't be noisy at your apartment or house, too bad. Should've bought your own home in a more secluded area. Don't make it our problem. Cell phones in public should be for texting, dipshit. That's why it was invented. If you're waiting for an important phone call, STAY YOUR ASS AT HOME. I don't care about your problems! I don't know you! I don't want to overhear your cunt ass speak!

TLDR; extroversion is an invented word to cover for psychopathy, manipulation, and coercive control over the masses.

extroversion is at best inherently narcissisticly selfish and at worst actively psychotic. You'll notice both are actively abusive and to be completely honest we all know it's never 'at best'

#extrovert #introvert #red flags #personality disorder

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notjennyfromtheblocked · 4 months

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The more I interact with people the more I realize that extroversion is completely unnecessary and unnatural.

No, you do not need social interaction constantly. No you do not need hundreds of friends. Wtf is even small talk.

TLDR; extroversion is an invented word to cover for psychopathy, manipulation, and coercive control over the masses.

You wanna know the fucked up thing? They had me convinced there was something wrong with me that I was the screwed up one that i was the one who messed up well buckle up because there's nothing that can stop someone who finally knows their worth

#extroversion #Extrovert #Introvert #narcissism

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notjennyfromtheblocked · 4 months

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extroversion is at best inherently narcissisticly selfish and at worst actively psychotic. You'll notice both are actively abusive and to be completely honest we all know it's never 'at best'

#extrovert #introvert #red flags #personality disorder

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notjennyfromtheblocked · 4 months

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They thought I'd be spending Christmas in the clink lmfaaaooooo nah my parents paid bail bc they actually care about me unlike yours (and lbr, that's for good reason 👀👀)

Anything I do now is karma. Watch your back you lying cunt

#Knock me down three times and I'll get up four #This is how wars start bitch #lol

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notjennyfromtheblocked · 6 months

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#I wasn't the asshole

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notjennyfromtheblocked · 6 months

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Its funny how much shit people with personality disorders get away with because "don't be ableist" but when regular mentally healthy people call out shitty behavior society punishes and gaslights us because we see these people as what they really are

#personality disorder #sorry not sorry

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notjennyfromtheblocked · 6 months

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a lot of you would see a post like "my aunt serial killed my entire family in front of me, I nearly died last night but somehow survived" and go "yas queen auntie slaaay, btw you're sexist for surviving because as a boy you have privilege, you're ableist if you are a witness on her trial because she has a personality disorder, and also you're cancelled because you called 911 #acab" like full offense here but lmao

#personality disorder #Bad feminism #Fauxminism?#performative activism #ableism

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notjennyfromtheblocked · 9 months

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@bigenderanne I am so, so sorry about what I did. This is my final post and then I'm logging out of tumblr forever. I just wanted to let you know I read what you put and I'm going to get help and that I'm very, very sorry for everything I did. No excuses, no justifications, no begging to let me back in your life, and I'm not even going to ask forgiveness. I'm just apologizing and leaving. I'm so, so sorry, and goodbye.

#i'm sorry #goodbye #terfs dni

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notjennyfromtheblocked · 9 months

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I read her post and i realized that she didn't tell everyone the teacher story so I probably shouldn't have done that in my previous post. I'm not happy with how she talked about me and seriously i almost replied to her post six times and deleted it because i was doubling down again because i was so angry but honestly I deserve it. I deserve the restraining order and worse. I'm sorry if my typing is shitty and full of typos but i'm shaking so hard and crying so I'm not super concerned with how my posts look right now. She was much nicer in her post than i deserved, i know that. I am going to delete every ask on my inbox so if you're scrolling through my blog hoping to see me answersomething don't even bother i haven't read them. Everything she said is true and even now I'm typing rebuttals and then deleting them and just now I deleted a whole paragraph trying to explain why I kept putting my hands into Mike's hoody pocket and why I kept grabbing his thigh and why i dressed sexy and tried to kiss him after the intervention and why i was convincing 16 year olds to do an intervention with me in the first place. God even now i just deleted another sentence that was a full on lie. An hour ago i deleted all my burner twitter and Facebook acounts that i had made to follow people that stay in contact with Mike and Anne and even deleted the emails i used to sign up with them. obviously I need help and I'm just so sorry, i honestly thought more people would fall for it and vote NTA, i fully expected everyone to skip to the TLDR and have my back, and that was wrong of me, I lied to you all and I even lied to myself. I'm going to make one final post apologizing because I don't think it should be tangled up in this post but after that I'm deleting all my asks and never logging in again. I really wish people had skipped to the TLDR and voted NTA but we can't always get what we want but maybe it was for the best to have this wake up call. I honestly don't know anymore.

#i'm sorry #terfs dni

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notjennyfromtheblocked · 9 months

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okay so since Anne found the post and is making posts on a sideblog you're gonna find out anyway and I'd rather you find out from me than her because I know it's going to be worse if I don't so

Yes, I lied. Okay? I lied. As far as I know she's never done anything abusive and as far as I know she's never cheated. I really, really wanted her to be abusive and to cheat and I was hoping she was because maybe if she were then I'd be able to have a chance. Yes he never said he was T4T it was just something I liked to believe because it was easier for me to accept when he said I wasn't his type then came out as trans that he was wink nudging me like "hey this is why you're not my type" because its easier to think he wasn't interested in cis people than just not interested in me. Even though he was flirting with Anne before she came out as bigender. And tbh I was really devastated when he would push me away when I would grab his thigh but not push her away when she would wrap her arm around his. Even when he gave me this speech about how overstepping boundaries is how you find out other's boundaries sometimes, so when someone tells you don't touch my thigh you're not a bad person unless you KEEP touching their thigh I knew, I knew exactly what he was talking about but I just. Convinced myself he wasn't talking about me, just saying something theoretical.

And yes I absolutely on purpose wrote the AITA so that it said to check the TLDR because I was hoping people would just kinda. Either skip or scroll. Through the AITA and vote NTA or JAH or maybe even ESH and then I'd see that and could convince myself that people genuinely believed that and I'd get some sort of satisfaction out of it. And yes I know I know that I've been digging myself deeper and I know I've come off transphobic and it's because I was being transphobic. But it was just such a nice idea to have, that she/he was faking and the villain and I could catch her/him at it and then he'd thank me and decide to be with me after all. It was nice to think that the only reason he was with her is because they were both trans together and that it was impossible for an introvert to ever be with an extrovert and it was based solely on the trans thing because then if she WAS faking then I could be the hero, right? I don't even know if that makes sense. But when everyone ditched me I knew, I'm sorry I lied and I'm sorry I've pretended I didn't know that's what I was doing.

And then I thought if I could get this online somewhere and get people uninvolved and objective to agree that Anne was the bad guy then it woild be Out In the World as "official" that sje was abusive and bad for him. It's like when you hit someone's car in a parking lot and so you post on Facebook about how people need to look at their blind spots before backing put of a parking spot even though nobody was actually in the car, because if it's on Facebook that someone backed into you then people will see the post. So even if i had a restraining order and they didn't talk to me then online it wpuld be stated that she was in the wrong and that I could go through my life saying "see, they all know she's bad for him and thst I would've been good for him" and then maybe someone close to Anne wpuld see the post and see how everyone voted NTA (thst I wasn't the asshole) and tell them to break up, and that if they saw people online unequivocally vote her as the asshole they'd reconsider.

And yes I know there's nothing wrong wirh being an extrovert or an introvert. Honestly I don't even know why I brought thst up. It's just thst Mike and I often liked a lot of the same past times and I guess I put more importance on that than I should've. And I shouldn't have blasted thr fact shebwas a virgin all over the internet or the fact she made out wirh people years ago. Thst was private business and I shouldn't have said thst. And I shouldn't have forced her hand into telling strangers she likes topping or thst shebhas a packer in order to prove her transness.

It shouldn't have taken loterally hundreds maybe even a thousand asks ans people reblogging my posts for me to do this. Honestly I think I knew i was wrong before I even made this blog. I think I kind of hoped that AITA had deleted thr ask because it took so long to get answered. I thought writing terfs dni on my posts woild prevent them from messaging me because I knew that they would see me as a possible recruit based on what I was saying. I didn't want them to contact me but they have. I just thought if I could never ever see a terf agree with me that I could continue pretending that I wasn't being transphobic.

And since she's making posts I worry that she might tell everyone a couple things about me that honestly I do deserve but I just want to get it out there now: before I met her I got a crush on one of my teachers in high school. When he quit to move to another city I was devastated. I was 15 and I thought i was in love. So a month or so after he left o told my friends that he ans I had been having an affair. I didn't think it wpuld go anywhere else but one of them told the principal. The teacher nearly got fired for this, and even though I admitted the truth to the cops because the last thing I wanted was him to get in actual trouble, he ended up having to start over at a whole new school after only teaching at that other school on the new city for a month. At my school rumors spread that he and I actually did have an affair and I just backtracked because he threatened me or something but honestly that wasn't the case. I told her about this a few months before she came out as trans and she was obviously disappointed and disgusted in me and didn't speak to me for awhile and even told me to wait until she contacted me fordt befire tslking again. Another thing is that one time Mike pushed me really hard when we were all at his house because I put my hands in his hoody pocket and said "hey handsome" when we were in his kitchen alone even though he told me two times before not to do that. I did run out saying that a man should never hit a woman to all his friends in the living room and Anne immediately stood between me and him to protect me but he explained what happened and when Anne asked me if it was true, if i really had put my hands in his pockets again and said hey handsome, I shook my head at first then started crying and nodded and said it was true. They didn't speak to me for a VERY long time, honestly they told me several times after that i was on thin ice. I told them I had been drinking and maybe they still believe me but I am going to tell the truth now: I was sober.

I don't know how else to explain this and honestly just writing this out has made me realize what this looks like and that this is wrong and I need help, which Anne and Mike both have told me multiple times over and over very politely and I just never listened but I've never written anything out like this before so I've ever had to actually see it before, bur I genuinely thought that everything I did was like romantic. That if it were a movie or a book it wpuld be artistic and romantic. That Anne would be the bitchy narcissistic girlfriend that I discover is a horrible cheating abusive person and once I showed everyone the evidence Mike would leave her for me, and that if I got enough people to believe that's what really happened and that Mike was duped and tricked by her into cutting me out then even if I knew that it isn't what happened deep down I could convince myself that's what happened. Just like I've convinced myself we were still friends even though everyone had been slowly cutting me out little by little and the only reason we ever were friends is because I kept finding reasons to invite myself into things.

If she's reading this, I really, really am sorry, and I'm going to try and get some help. I dont know how else to tell you and especially Mike how sorry I am without breaching the restraining order. I've known for awhile I've fucked up, I think I even knew as I was doing this it was wrong, and I don't know why I kept digging my heels in even more. I'm just so sorry.

#i'm sorry #terfs dni

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notjennyfromtheblocked · 9 months

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Im deliberately sending this off anon so you can see that you arent being 'attacked' by 'Anne', and the fact youre even discussing it that way is ableist as fuck. Im going to start this by making it clear, I have BPD, Im also trans and you will not be knowing my AGAB. You are the asshole in this situation.

We're going to start off simple, you are not an expert on BPD, google and tiktok is full of misinformation and harmful stereotypes about Borderline pplo. BPD is not an 'abusive person' disorder, there is no such thing as a condition that makes you an abusive person. BPD does cause intense, deep emotions that can shift quickly and be hard to control; often this includes having intense feelings for people around them and being scared of losing them/them not being who you thought they were. Because this condition comes from trauma (usually from family/relationships) there are often amplified feelings around abanonment and betrayals of trust especially from ppl you thought were your friends. It is in fact common for some of our nost intense lifelong interests start bc of stupid reasons, but starting bc of a stupid reason doesnt mean the interest isn't genuine. Have you never done something bc your friend wanted you too and you ended it up loving it? Why is it any different bc it was a crush not a friend? BPD doesnt make you a manipulative person, nor does it make you gaslight ppl and seeing as 'anne' has a psychiatric degree Im sure he understands his condition better than you do.

Secondly, 'Anne' is allowed to be trans in whatever way he wants too, she doesnt have to bind, or pack, or change his appearance for anyone. I have a beard, long hair, wear any kind of clothes I want, have tits, have bulge, am hairy and wear a full face of makeup. Some of those things are part of my agab, some of them a part of my transition. And its not a single iota of your goddamn business whether youre friends or not. Gender is a performance and you get to choose the outfit and 'Anne' is deciding what she want his to look like.

Thirdly, you do not seem to understand that part of the reason you very clearly show yourself to be the asshole is the way you speak about others. Describing being an introvert as being more sophisticated or above extroverts is just ridiculous, you are not superior bc you dont go out to parties. I don't either, I find them uncomfortable and loud, but that doesnt make me sophisticated. You talk about 'Mike' as if he cannot be the arbiter of his own interests or relationship, that hes just stupid and couldnt piece it together if 'Anne' was 'faking'. You talk about 'Anne' like she's some master manipulator but you did everything that happened to yourself, you went to the GC and convinced them that something was wrong, you took a group of ppl who didnt know 'Mike' to 'Anne's' house to confront him, you made a callout post about 'Anne' on facebook, you tried to immediately go running to 'Mike' for damage control when your 'intervention' didnt work and you are the person that blasted it all over facebook and now tumblr. And now you are the one losing friends and family, and you deserve it, because the ppl you convinced to attack 'Anne' realised wtf they'd just done and how fucking horrendous that is. You have no evidence of any manipulation, or that 'Anne' is faking, or that 'Mike' isnt happy, you just presented your prejudice. 'Mike' and 'Anne' realise what youve done and they have enough proof to convince a judge or they wouldnt have gotten that restraining order. You are the person behaving manipulative here and everyone can see it except you.

I've tried writing a response to this so many times but I end up deleting it because when I try to explain myself it just sounds like I'm going in circles. There are tons of other asks I've tried answering and rewritten like seven times each before giving up. I've been writing over and over trying to explain like how while yeah technically Mike never told me word for word that he was T4T, when he told me I wasn't his type and then like two days later came out as trans it felt very, very much like he was coming out specifically to let me know that's why I wasn't his type. Or how I was trying to explain how look I know it might be controversial but the constant "main character syndrome" of extroverts just gets on my nerves and is supremely selfish in general and also the truth is you're just GOING to be more intellectual if you spend your free time actually expanding your mind instead of smoking pot and grinding against strangers and how someone like Mike who prefers the same free time activities as I do is just not going to work with someone who would rather party and get wasted than pick up a book, or how Anne is pretending to be trans and I know this because she isn't changing ANYTHING, and I was going to explain that the group chat was full of people she didn't know because it initially was a fandom ship discord from a show she doesn't watch but eventually when I started getting concerned yes it kinda became my "complain about Anne" vent place because nobody there really knew her well enough to go tell her what I was saying and it was a safe place for me to vent and explain why I thought she was abusive and cheating and they would actually listen instead of tell me to knock it off like others, and obviously OBVIOUSLY I thought her and I were close enough as friends she wouldn't mind me using her spare key which she kept under the doormat so it's not like I searched hard. I've written all of that so many times to so many different asks I can't even count and then i just end up deleting it because it feels pointless to even try because I know people will just keep sending asks so why bother so I never wrote it til just now unless I deleted it.

Im gonna be totally fully honest here I woke up and I saw the 99+ notifications in my inbox and I haven't been able to stop shaking because I'm so fucking angry because nobody is on my side, I literally scrolled hoping to find at least one person who was agreeing with me and nobody was and honestly I was so mad I couldn't even see and then I finally found a couple of nice asks and they were signed and I was so excited someone finally agreed with me and when I checked on their blogs they were all fucking terfs. All of the people who were taking my side were fucking terfs. And like I'll be honest with you I have two very close family members who are trans and honestly they've both blocked me recently and even though I tried to contact them they didn't respond and I seriously hate hate HATE terfs because they've been so cruel to my two family members. And I'm so angry. But then I found your ask and at first I was so angry and I tried to reply but I just deleted it because I was getting angry. But then I found more terfs in my ask and then even more hateful anons from non terfs.

But then I kept thinking about how conservatives will literally LITERALLY have Nazis agreeing with them and dig their hills in and in like wtaf how are you not seeing that NAZIS are agreeing with you? But literally the only people agreeing with me are terfs. And honestly that's the last shit I want, I luterally hate terfs. I'm not even exaggerating when I say this is the nicest ask that WASN'T from a terf so I've just. I dunno. I am freaking out because this did not go the way I planned. I knew some people wouldn't agree with me but I thought it would be more split, like some YTA but mostly JAH and NTA. And then when I saw the poll for a hot minute I thought maybe it might veer ESH but obviously that isn't the case. It's just like have you ever really cares about someone, really really cared about someone, and he says oh please don't hug me and pulls away, and then other people hug him so you think I better tell these other people "don't hug him, he doesn't like hugs" and then he says its fine and then starts hugging other people but not you? And you realize at no point did he ever say he didn't like hugging, he just asked you, specifically you, not to hug him? Well imagine that but with Mike, and he stopped wanting to hang out with me and told me not to touch him but whenever I'd remind Anne not to touch him he'd say it was fine and I guess when he came out as trans it was just easier to believe he didn't date cis people than he didn't want to date me. And there were times I thought man I wish I were a trans person so Mike would notice me, and then it seemed like Anne was doing just that because of COURSE it crossed my mind to pretend just for a little while, because if he just gave me a chance he'd realize that we are compatible. Honestly I'm just freaking out because I made this blog a month ago after sent the ask to the aita blog but then it didn't get answered so I started the blog to get all this off my chest. And bam suddenly I was bombarded a month later and it took me a minute to realize the aita hadn't deleted it. Honestly none of this went according to plan and nobody except people I fucking hate want to hear my side. And I dunno. I just don't know. Bur if the only people agreeing me with me all day are terfs then obviously I need to think things through.

#terfs dni #asks

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