just consider it, but, is there really a right answer here?
“makes it easy to forget it’s a lawyer and a high school teacher.” kuwana’s bullying victim, divorce aficionado, connoisseur of poor little meow meows, professional smut writer, casual overthinker, forlorn yet everlasting
Let's imagine that Ichiban has learned basic computer skills and is now playing the Sims (actually, the story is just based on my chat with Ichi on character.ai) 😏
thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.
friendly reminder that YOU 🫵 can make even the most relaxing innocuous activities into high stress situations if you’re mentally ill enough. always believe in yourself and your incapacity to conquer catastrophic thinking!
unavoidable that you will be the villain in someone else's story. You will be painted in an unfavorable light. You will be the irredeemable one. and all of this will happen despite how nice you might usually be or how kind or how respectful or how warm. and you will just have to move on.