pilots-and-protons

[pilots-and-protons]

Re-watching Voyager right after finishing it means going from Season 7 Tom Paris back to Season 1 Tom Paris and being like:

Who is this man? How did he get here? Why is he saying that??

Where is my good sweet boy???

#Star Trek #VOY #Tom Paris #Voyager #ST: Voy #Listen he still has good moments #when the writers aren't being misogynistic pigs #but the difference!!!! #WHERE IS MY SWEET SILLY MAN #WHERE IS THE BIG OL' SOFTIE NERD #BRING HIM BACK!!!!

[pilots-and-protons]

Thank you! I didn't remember that it was Harry who said it.

For some reason my brain will not stop bothering me about something.

I SWEAR there's an episode where the Doctor is talking to someone and mentions that like, the crew call him "Doc" as an affectionate nickname basically and I CANNOT remember or find proof of this.

Am I going crazy? Did I make it up? Am I just misremembering something?

#replies

[pilots-and-protons]

For some reason my brain will not stop bothering me about something.

I SWEAR there's an episode where the Doctor is talking to someone and mentions that like, the crew call him "Doc" as an affectionate nickname basically and I CANNOT remember or find proof of this.

Am I going crazy? Did I make it up? Am I just misremembering something?

#star trek #voy #star trek voyager #voyager #st: voy #the emh #the doctor #someone HELP it's driving me NUTS

[pilots-and-protons]

Forgot to post this yesterday, but Chapter 9 is up!

I'm really proud to have passed 40k for the first time ever.

#Star Trek #VOY #Voyager #Tom Paris #B'Elanna Torres #Harry Kim #st: voy #P/T/K #Voy OT3

[pilots-and-protons]

I have seen this (and thank you for bringing it up again)! It's partially why I wish there was more footage of his performance!

Ok but apropos of nothing, I desperately wish there was some extant recording of Robbie Duncan McNeill singing the entirety of “Giants in the Sky” from Into The Woods.

#Replies

[pilots-and-protons]

Just... repeatedly rotating An Idea around in my head

(and yes it's still Tom/Harry/B'Elanna OT3 because I'm obsessed with them, but I also love Janeway's and Tom's weird friendship)

Basically, something Big and Insane and Sci-Fi happens, and somehow all of the known universe in time/space is just sort of.... gone. Or dying, or being destroyed. Stars are going out, everything is vanishing out of existence. Planets, galaxies, creatures and anomalies and time/space itself - all completely gone.

Of course, Voyager is in the eye of the storm (so to speak) of this catastrophe that happened around them, and therefore one of the few things that remains for now (much like Kirk and the crew still existed after McCoy accidentally changed the timeline in "The City on the Edge of Forever"). Obviously, they're trying to stop it - to fix whatever this catastrophe was that could unmake all of existence.

With the wonders of Science-Fiction, there is a theoretical way to fix things; a jump-start essentially, to reset everything to what it was before this catastrophe and repair the wound it created. But even with this theoretical plan, there's something missing: a blueprint, of sorts. If they set off this insane spatial-temporal reaction, everything would be reset, but there's no telling what state the universe would actually be in after it was done. It would be like setting off a Genesis device on a war-destroyed Earth and hoping it would magically return everything and everyone to how they once were. There was nothing to guide this theoretical process of rebirth - and literally everything was at stake.

Even the great minds of Tuvok, Seven, B'Elanna and everyone else are at a loss for what to do. Unless they had someone like Q, omnipotent as he was, how could they feed something into this reaction of theirs to tell it what to do? How could they ever have enough information to rebuild all of existence from scratch?

It's Tom, of all people, who comes up with the answer: let him go.

At first everyone just sort of looks at him like he's insane because, what? What could he possibly be talking about? But even though he can't really remember, Tom still has a theory: the Warp 10 flight.

For a brief time, he was literally everywhere in time and space, all at once. Existing throughout all of existence simultaneously. Could his body, his unconscious mind, have somehow remembered that time? Could it have imprinted something onto him? Perhaps his very cells? He figures if there was a chance, even a small one, that his theory was correct - they had to take it. Because if he was right, then technically he was a living, breathing blue-print of all the known and unknown universe... and their only chance at saving everything.

That's when the riot starts, a great uproar of arguments. Facts and theoretical probabilities from Seven and Tuvok, horror and concern from Harry, even more from B'Elanna and the Doctor. They're startled, angry, because even if that were true the process would almost certainly kill him. And then there's Janeway, putting a stop to all the noise with a hand and saying that if there was a chance this theory would work, if the Doctor or someone could find even a speck of evidence to support it, then she would do it. Because even if everyone else forgot, she'd passed the transwarp threshold too.

Tom tries to argue, Chakotay and the Doctor too, but Janeway insists. She sends Tom to be looked over by everyone for proof of his concept, but says that if the time comes, she'll be the one to do it. As Captain, it's her job to keep everyone safe, no matter what. No one can argue, but no one is happy. Even this one chance at survival feels like it will come at too great a cost.

Time passes, with everyone rushing to do what they can before Voyager is also consumed by the nothingness. But eventually the verdict comes - Tom's idea has merit. His very atoms are somehow encoded with cross-temporal chronotrons and other signs that the theory may work. Once he knows what to look for, the Doctor scans Janeway and sees that she has these markers too, though hers are... fainter, for lack of a better term. She theorizes that it's because she only went through the Warp 10 process once, while Tom did it twice. The Doctor admits that there is a possibility Tom's the better candidate for this mission, only because he has a stronger "imprint" so to speak. Janeway still insists, refusing to send one of her officers to die in her place.

When everyone finally gets this complex and theoretical "reset" device figured out and constructed in one of the cargo bays, Tom begs to come with Janeway. He says that after everything she's done for him, he wants to see her off one last time. She relents, and once B'Elanna has started the reaction up from the safety of Engineering, shining beyond the doors like an imploding star, the two make their way there.

The entire deck has been cordoned off to keep chroniton and other radiations from killing the crew before they can set this whole thing in motion. It's just the two of them there. Tom takes a moment - as the doors open and they're both hit with a wave of heat, energy, and the unknown - and he thanks Janeway properly. For giving him a second chance, for believing in him, and for everything that followed after; like meeting Harry and B'Elanna, and finding a home aboard Voyager. Then he says "get them home" and before Janeway can realize what's happening, briefly thrown by his intense sincerity, he's shoving her aside - hitting the mechanism to shut the cargo bay doors. Inside, Tom grabs some tool and smashes the console so the door won't open without a manual override. That would probably buy him enough time.

Inside the cargo bay, it's like being trapped with the birth of a star; plasma, light, and colors all swirling in strings and shapes and a great sphere of something. There's no special switch for Tom to flip, no complicated sequence he has to follow. The best Voyager's brightest minds could figure out was for him to simply... walk into the singularity and hope for the best. He thinks of his family on Voyager, he thinks of his father and so many things unsaid, he thinks of B'Elanna and Harry and hopes that they'll still take care of each other when he's gone. And to keep them safe, to preserve everything that ever was or ever would be.... he walks into the fires of rebirth.

Outside the cargo bay, Janeway is screaming - trying to get in, to override the doors. She gets them open, only in time to see a tall silhouette disappearing - almost disassembled before her eyes, like dust being scattered away on the wind. Then there's just light - so bright it feels like it somehow pierces through her skin and bones and the very atoms of her being. Then.......

She wakes up. There's no telling how long it's been; all Janeway knows is that she's on the cargo bay floor, ears still faintly ringing, and Chakotay is gently helping her sit up. All around her it's... quiet. The cargo bay looks untouched - no crumpled bulkheads, no scorch marks, nothing. Even the vast, cobbled together machinery for the reset is simple gone. Once her head finally clears, Chakotay asks if she's alright, if her plan worked - but Harry's comm. from the bridge interrupts the question. Excitedly, Harry announces with great relief that the nothingness, the catastrophe, seems to be gone. His scans, Voyager's databanks - everything seems to be showing up normal. As far as they can tell, the universe was back to how it should be.

Back, except for one thing: Tom Paris.

As far as Janeway can see, Tom isn't in the cargo bay. She asks the computer to locate him; the reply is that Lieutenant Paris is no longer aboard. This is announced just as B'Elanna is running in through the cargo bay door, no doubt to see the result of all her hard work. She comes to a halt, looking at Janeway - staring because she wasn't supposed to be here, she was supposed to... After only a fraction of a moment, the computer's announcement finally registers and suddenly B'Elanna is running at Janeway with fists flying, screaming about how could she let him do this? Where is he, dammit, where the hell is Tom?!

She gets a few good hits to Janeway's chest and shoulders before Chakotay holds her back, and Janeway just lets her do it. Because this is her fault - she should have known Tom would try to pull that stunt with the doors, should never have let him come to see her off. She barely registers that B'Elanna's fury soon devolves into angry, choked back tears which Chakotay tries to soothe. When Harry arrives soon after and sees her expression, probably sees Janeway's too, it's all too easy for him to put two and two together. He and B'Elanna end up clinging to each other in their grief. Though Chakotay comes to Janeway to try and comfort her too, to reassure her that she's not responsible, all she can do is look at the cargo bay and see the silhouette where Tom last was - lost now to the ether of the universe.

The next few days are... hard. Harry might as well have aged a decade, and instead of the righteous fury that Janeway had expected, B'Elanna's just gone quiet. When Janeway stops by Sickbay, even the Doctor has become subdued, staring wistfully into the distance at nothing when he'd normally be working on some experiment or other. She still asks him, and Seven, and anyone who might be of use, if there was anything that could be done. But as far as anyone can tell, Tom Paris is gone - he'd sacrificed himself to save everyone else.

But Janeway feels like something is still wrong, like Tom's ghost is... haunting her somehow. It's a figure of speech when she admits it to a concerned Chakotay, but one night, she startles awake from a dreamless sleep, and there he is - standing in her quarters. Tom looks confused, exhausted, and he's... well she can see right through him. He looks at her, seemingly just as startled as she is, and she swears she hears him whisper "Captain?" But then suddenly he's convulsing, curling in on himself with a cry of pain and Janeway is horrified as she watches him.... unmade. It's like he's nowhere and everywhere, born and dying, unraveled but stitched together all at the same time until he's once again vanished into nothingness.

Janeway's heart is racing and she doesn't understand what she just witnessed. A dream? Hallucination? Some alien interference? She goes to the Doctor at 0400 and demands he scan her for a virus, temporal misalignment, anything. She's terrified that this was nothing more than the aftermath of radiation from being so near their "universal reset" as it went off. But there's also a tiny sliver of the smallest, most fragile hope, that this is something else - that there's a chance Tom isn't really.

The Doctor does find something, a strange resonance of sorts, connected - or perhaps coming from - Janeway. He theorizes that it's an effect of being so close to the singularity during the reset. As far as he can tell, she's not suffering from radiation damage, but believes that her guilt over Tom must have caused the hallucination. He offers to devise a treatment, and Janeway begrudgingly agrees. For him to say that what she'd seen was a hallucination though... it felt wrong somehow.

For the next few days, she hardly sleeps, too busy pouring over anything she can find - old Federation logs, complex theories, and all the research and schematics for the device they'd created. All in the slim hope to understand what had actually happened to Tom. Was he simply dead? He couldn't have been wiped from existence or surely, no one would have even known he'd existed. But had he been scattered throughout existence itself, a fundamental building block of the universe now? Seven helps her eventually, though it takes a good deal of persuasion. Chakotay and even Tuvok (though he'd never admit it) become increasingly concerned that she's grasping at straws, just trying to absolve herself of the guilt she feels because Tom took her place - but she knows it's more than that.

And eventually, she's proven right. The so-called hallucination happens again - but this time she's not the only one there. Seven and the Doctor were working with her on some experimental simulations on the holodeck when there's suddenly a terrible noise; something between electro-static and the wails of a dying creature. The holo-grid starts sparking, a console blowing out completely, until suddenly they all watch Tom Paris form out of nothingness before them. Whatever process was involved in his... reassembly, is obviously painful. Just watching the strange tangle of unidentifiable mass contort itself until it could become Tom was sickening. And when he finally takes form, still only semi-opaque, he collapses to his knees, shaking.

Janeway runs to him immediately, unsure what to do but calling his name. Here's there, he's there - it wasn't just in her head. The Doctor and Seven follow shortly, taking tricorder scans in shocked fascination. They ask questions, trying to understand what happened, but Tom doesn't know any more than they do. He says it's like he's everywhere but nowhere - and yet something keeps pulling him back into reality, back onto Voyager. He thought he would die, had come to terms with it, and yet he's still coming back. Even if he'd been completely tangible he looks awful, like he's dying every minute he's there. Janeway tries to reassure him that they'll find him, that they won't just give up, and that manages to make Tom smile. He says knows she won't give up on him - but as he starts to shift out of phase again, face clenched with pain, he asks her to promise him something. Janeway doesn't want to, knows she won't like what he has to say, but she nods anyways. "If you have to - let me go," is what he pleads. "Don't risk Voyager or anyone else for me. Just promise me that."

Janeway can't even form a reply, doesn't know how to let go, how to admit defeat. She's never given up on a crewman before, how could she possibly now? Out of habit she reaches out to touch Tom's shoulder - and even as he's fritzing, starting to disintegrate before her very eyes, she is surprised to make contact. The sounds of tricorders going haywire are behind her, but all Janeway can focus on is the fact that despite Tom literally unraveling in her hands, for a moment, just one moment, she could feel him. Then he's gone.

Everything is different this time - there was proof now, witnesses. B'Elanna and Harry are no longer withdrawn, instead racing full-steam ahead to do anything they can to help. They ask her about Tom of course, about how he's looking, and whether or not she thinks that they can save him. Janeway doesn't know what to say, how to tell them that Tom's clearly in pain and that she has no idea what even happened, let alone how to fix it....

Unfortunately, she doesn't have to. During some experimentation, Tom reappears again - much more violently this time, just when Harry and B'Elanna are present. The very air around them seems to crackle with energy, the temperature changing from too hot, then too cold, and back again. The atmospheric readings are going haywire and when Tom reappears, somehow less corporeal than before, he crumples to the ground in a heap. Harry is openly crying as they run to him, begging him to open his eyes - but when he and B'Elanna try to touch Tom, somehow their hands go right through.

Janeway is completely flummoxed. She'd touched Tom before, she knows she did. But it seemed he was becoming less and less stable each time he returned to a corporeal form - perhaps that explained the change? As the Doctor and Seven are once again running complex scans, Janeway goes to Tom's side and slowly reaches out a hand. As it lands on his shoulder, as Tom tries to sit up, she does make contact. The tricorders instantly go haywire, and Harry and B'Elanna wonder in despair - Why now? Why her? Why can't they touch him? But all Janeway can think is that this is progress. It must mean something, especially since Tom he seems to regain consciousness as she maintains contact, becoming a bit less transparent - a bit more real. When Tom sees Harry and B'Elanna this time, his eyes begin to water too - and Janeway wonders how tears could form in whatever state of flux Tom has become entwined with. But when she removes her hand to give them some space, to ask Tom if he's alright, he starts to fade once more.

This time Tom tries to reach out, to touch Harry and B'Elanna - but is just as unable to make real contact. Instead he tells them he loves them, begs them to take care of each other, to let him go - and it's painful to watch as he's once again gripped by whatever agony has been tearing him into reality and back. Hoping it might do something, Janeway grabs Tom's hand and this time she makes a promise she's going to keep: to bring him home dammit, no matter how long it takes. Just her hold on him seems to stabilize him a bit, taking the floating sands of his dissolving form and pulling them together for just a moment longer... but then the temperature goes haywire, energy crackles around them and Tom is gone once more. With him goes every sound as even the beeping of tricorder scans finally cease. In the silence, Janeway can barely seem to breathe and knows that Harry and B'Elanna must feel infinitely worse. Even more terrifying, each time Tom appears, he seems to be getting weaker, losing whatever cohesion he's managed to retain. She has no real basis to understand anything that's been happening, but Janeway has the sinking feeling that if they don't do something soon, Tom will be lost to them for good.

But then the Doctor clears his throat and holds up his tricorder, and suddenly hope floods back. "I believe I know what's happening to Mister Paris," he says, with not an ounce of boastfulness for once. Instead, the Doctor is as grim-faced as the rest of them, but holographic eyes no longer seem so empty. "And I think there's a chance we can fix it."

The process is... complex. Even for a mind as scientifically adept as Janeway's. The only important part is that Janeway wasn't just imagining that there was something connecting her to Tom. In reality, it was the other way around. Tom wasn't just being pulled back to Voyager - he was specifically being pulled back to her. It was all down to the the second transwarp flight, which they'd taken together. Crossing the barrier had created a sort of tether between them - a connection point across the vastness of reality. When Tom had entered the singularity to "reset" all of existence, in a manner of speaking his very existence was used to rebuild what had been lost. The price for this was Tom himself - every atom and molecule destroyed like the fuel necessary to keep a fire burning. But Tom and Janeway had gone to Warp 10 once together - existing everywhere in time and space at the same time. Because of that, a part of Tom still existed in Janeway, safe from the "reset" aboard Voyager within the eye of the storm. Janeway had unknowingly become a sort of temporal anchor, pulling Tom back into existence where he belonged.

At the moment though, he was trapped - pulled between reality and the strange purgatory of nonexistence. But with the magic of incredibly complex Science-Fiction and Technobabble, the crew essentially find a way to use Janeway's own Warp 10 resonance as both a magnet and a waypoint - to pull Tom back, and then reintegrate him into their time and space with the help of B'Elanna's ingenuity and a lot of Borg-enhanced technology. Harry describes is as being "like a temporal transporter" and that's already enough to give Janeway a headache, so she doesn't try to ask for details. The main idea boils down to grabbing onto what's left of Tom's "pattern" of existence, which has been imprinted onto Janeway, and using their newly constructed technology to "rematerialize" him back into reality.

Once they've found the method a jurry-rigged some machinery, the Doctor is standing by, both for Tom and for Janeway should anything happen. The others are farther off, manning the various machines while Chakotay and Tuvok have evacuated various decks in case of any explosions. The risks are immense, and this time Janeway had actually assembled the crew - asking them if they thought it was worth it. They'd potentially be putting the ship and everyone onboard it in danger, in a last-ditch attempt to bring one lost crewman home. It had warmed her heart when not a single person balked at the danger; Tom Paris saved them, their homes, their families and futures. Why shouldn't they try to save him too?

When the process happens, Janeway feels a sense of déjà vu; the light, the swirling mass of indecipherable colors and shapes and feelings, all cascading before her. This time she's strapped up with various bits of technology, hoping against hope to become the lighthouse that guide's Tom's way. In the very same cargo bay, bulkheads rattle and crumple this time, machines start screaming their warnings, and Janeway can feel the heat and pain and dizziness as radiation tries to eat away at her. But she can't stop yet, she won't stop. Even as the Doctor is yelling that the radiation levels are reaching critical, even as she hears Harry calling out that there's a new singularity opening and it's becoming completely unstable, Janeway sees it - a silhouette. It's only just forming, scattering in and out like a dance of lightning and sand, but it's there.

This time she won't be thrown through a cargo bay door and left to rebuild in the aftermath. This time she listens to her gut, and runs forward. She'd been the only one able to hold onto to Tom before because of whatever this bio-temporal tether was that had connected them - she sure as hell wasn't going to let him go now.

So she runs and sees an outstretched hand, breaking and reforming and scattering like light through a prism, everywhere and nowhere all at once. She ignores the pain and the feeling like she herself might be consumed by the fires of the unknown.

Kathryn Janeway takes a leap of faith, she grabs that outstretched hand, and for the sake of every person on her ship, she pulls.

Watching from afar, all the others see is a gigantic explosion of light and colors and sound. The cargo bay had been nearly cleared out before this process, but every piece of newly-made machinery has been completely destroyed. Bits and pieces scatter the floor, bulkheads have been wrenched open, sparks are flying, and Harry and B'Elanna find their ears ringing as they choke on smoke. They'd erected a level 10 forcefield for protection before starting the procedure, but in the aftermath it's been completely torn away. Even as the environmental controls kick in and start clearing out the haze, they look up from where they'd been thrown to see a massive scorch mark, spread out like a starburst across the cargo bay deck.

At it's center, they see.... something. Dizzy, confused, and still trying to see through ash and debris, initially they can't make it out. Even the Doctor is nowhere to be found, his emitter lying on the floor. It's fritzing but, after a brief inspection, seems repairable. Whatever happened must have shorted out many different systems, as Harry's attempt to use his combadge goes unanswered. He and B'Elanna make their way instead towards the center of the scorched cargo bay floor and behold... Captain Janeway.

She's covered in ash, with burns on her skin and uniform, and as they watch she kneels to the floor. There's something in her hands and after a moment it becomes clear; she's draping an emergency blanket over a long, familiar form. One with a head of messy, tawny blonde hair.

Harry and B'Elanna are running then, falling to their knees as they reach Janeway's side and behold Tom Paris - naked save for the blanket Janeway has brought to preserve his modesty. He's overly pale and clearly unconscious, but he's there, he's alive.

Harry cradles Tom to his chest, rocking him gently and bawling like a baby. B'Elanna runs her hand over Tom's hair, his face, his bare shoulders - anything she can seem to reach. They don't even know if he's fine really, but at least he's breathing. They didn't blow up the ship and they didn't have to lose him. Janeway looks exhausted and it's obvious her burns are painful, but she just stars at her three crewman, clutching onto each other with such love, and she smiles.

It feels like she sits there for an eternity, just watching them, basking in their reunion and the knowledge that they did it. In reality, it must only be a few minutes before the cargo bay doors are being forced open and Chakotay, Tuvok, and Neelix come through, bringing medical supplies and asking if everyone is alright.

By then, Harry is finally wiping his eyes and asking B'Elanna if she can get the Doctor back online because they're probably going to need him. For once, she looks reluctant to work, clearly wanting to stay there with him and Tom. In the end she agrees, but not before pressing a kiss to Harry's knuckles and Tom's forehead before taking the holo-emitter and leaving.

Afterwards it's all a long process of scanning, repairing, and treating everyone's wounds. Janeway tries to shoo Chakotay away once they bring her to sickbay, far too worried about Tom's condition, but he pulls out the big guns. Chakotay knows that she can't say no to Neelix when he gives her those big concerned eyes and tells her that "the crew needs their Captain to be taken care of too". So she ends up lying on a bio-bed for half an hour while the Talaxian carefully treats her burns and radiation poisoning as best he can. Unsurprisingly, B'Elanna gets the Doctor's program and holo-emitter working in record-breaking time, and they're all relieved when he checks over Tom and the prognosis is good; Tom's exhausted, dehydrated, and a bit worse for wear, but he'll be fully recovered in no time. Whatever madness they'd pulled of had worked.

Eventually, he wakes up, still very weak but every bit the Tom Paris they know and love. When he sees how distressed both Harry and B'Elanna are, he even jokes that they put an awful lot of effort in "just for him". B'Elanna looks like she wants to punch him for it, but instead throws her arms around him in a hug, and the three of them share a teary, heartfelt reunion. When the lovebirds have to split off so everyone can get some rest, and once the Doctor has given her a clean bill of health, Janeway goes over to Tom's biobed to see how he's doing.

He's obviously tired but he smiles up at her. However, the first thing she tells him is that she should court-martial him and throw him in the brig for the stunt he pulled in the cargo bay by taking her place. For a moment, Tom nearly believes her. But then Janeway smiles back and pats his hand with hers and says that he may be a reckless idiot, but she's proud to say he's one of her bravest officers. She also sincerely thanks him for what he did, to which Tom replies that she risked everything to get him back, so that probably that makes them even. Janeway doesn't bother trying to make him promise never to do something that risky again, since she knows he'd only break the promise anyways if the circumstances required it. Instead, she says that if he's going to continue doing insane, reckless stunts for the good of her ship, then she'll just have to keep doing insane reckless things to keep his sorry ass alive. She receives the patented "yes ma'am" for her troubles, and Tom says that after all, he learned from the best.

The last thing she does before telling him to get some rest though, is tease him - threatening that, even if she understands why he did it, if he ever tries that switcheroo he pulled with her again, she'll have to tell the gossip mill about all the places she hadn't realized he has freckles.

Janeway can see by his slowly-dawning expression that Tom does recall something about emerging from the nothingness, naked on the cargo bay floor. The last thing she hears as she walks, grinning, away from Sickbay is a sputtered yell of "You wouldn't actually... Captain? CAPTAIN!" before the automatic doors swish shut.

#Tom Paris #Harry Kim #B'Elanna Torres #Kathryn Janeway #VOY #Star Trek #st: voy #voyager #putting this on my side blog too

[pilots-and-protons]

Can't believe I haven't added the two from "Lineage" yet.

Forever endeared by Tom Paris being a repeated under-hugger, despite being one of the tallest members of the main Voyager crew.

#Star Trek #VOY #Tom Paris #B'Elanna Torres #voyager #st: voy #If there are any I'm missing PLEASE tell me #I want to just collect all the moments #of Tom being an under-hugger #it's just super cute because he's so damn TALL #and I know B'Elanna is a constant over-hugger #but in the second one from Lineage #Tom literally goes RIGHT IN for the under-hug #before B'Elanna even starts moving

[pilots-and-protons]

Reblogging this again because I watched "Flesh and Blood" (where the bottom left screencap is from) and this is still so dear to me.

Forever endeared by Tom Paris being a repeated under-hugger, despite being one of the tallest members of the main Voyager crew.

#Tom Paris #B'Elanna Torres #P/T #I feel like I need to know if Robbie McNeill just always under-hugs #He's so tall and it's adorable???

[pilots-and-protons]

"Threshold" truly is the gift that keeps on giving.

Yet another Dramatic Idea has been rotating in the microwave of my mind over and over again because of stuff that happens in that episode.

#wish writing wasn't so hard #it would be OVER for you bitches if I could just write a ton #there would be SO MANY AUs and ideas #all stemming from shit in Threshold #I mean Tom was literally everywhere in the universe all at once #and this happened TWICE #how could the writer's give us that insane nugget #and then not DO ANYTHING WITH IT

[pilots-and-protons]

Chapters: 8/? Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Harry Kim/Tom Paris/B'Elanna Torres Characters: Tom Paris, B'Elanna Torres, Harry Kim, minor mention or appearances by, Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay (Star Trek), The Doctor (Star Trek), Neelix (Star Trek), Kes (Star Trek), Tuvok (Star Trek) Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Mutual Pining, Light Angst, Crash Landing, canon adjacent, Hurt Tom Paris, they think the feelings are unrequited, but they're all just being dumb, Friends to Lovers, Feelings Realization, medic tom paris, because I said so, Set season 3, important references to, Episode: s03e03 The Chute, Episode: s03e16 Blood Fever, Episode: s03e20 Favorite Son (Star Trek: Voyager), Episode: s02e15 Threshold (Star Trek: Voyager), Blood and Injury  

CHAPTER 8 IS NOW POSTED! 

I'm really proud because I've now written more than 35k words for this fic, which is the most I've ever written for a fanfiction (posted or otherwise).

#Star Trek #VOY #Voyager #Tom Paris #B'Elanna Torres #Harry Kim #st: voyager #Tom/B'Elanna/Harry #fanfiction #actually updated this on Christmas #but I forgot to post about it here on tumblr lol

[pilots-and-protons]

True, but she wasn't properly conscious when it happened, and Tom experienced it twice.

(also it's just a self-indulgent idea of mine, so it can be whatever I want lol)

Had a crazy idea the other day, when I was thinking about how Tom Paris is one of the only main crewmembers who didn't have some kind of Borg stuff happen to him (other than the Doctor, of course).

Obviously Seven is already borg, but Chakotay briefly experienced the mini-collective in "Unity", Neelix and Harry were both cured by Borg nanoprobes (plus Harry had started to be assimilated by the Borg children), and of course Janeway, Tuvok, and B'Elanna were briefly assimilated too.

But because I'm me, I started pondering about "Threshold" and the fascinating potential of Tom being everywhere in the universe simultaneously, but how it all "slipped away" when he tried to remember - to process it after the fact. Because surely, a human brain simply can't comprehend something of that magnitude.

But what if it all was still there - just inaccessible, in a way. I imagine it would be like trying to run a game on a computer that isn't powerful enough - the basic game can download (barely), but if you actually tried to play it, nothing would properly load or function. What if everything Tom experienced at Warp 10 was in there somewhere, but just too vast and incomprehensible for him to access?

And then what if a Borg drone tried to assimilate him?

I like to imagine a scenario where Tom gets caught on an away mission during some Borg fiasco - but when those tubules go into his neck, when the drone links into Tom's mind to bring him into the collective, that Borg gets the surprise of a lifetime. Suddenly it's not one human brain unable to access this vast expanse of experience and memories - it's millions of species, working like one giant super-processor, and suddenly that "inaccessible" part of Tom's mind comes flooding out.

It would be like sending a feedback-loop through a machine to short-circuit it. Suddenly every Borg on the ship (maybe even others close enough within the collective hivemind), are flooded with more information and memories than they can possibly process at one time, coming from a singular source. Every cybernetic implant in the drone who initiated the assimilation overloads, and it collapses in an unresponsive heap.

Of course, Tom would hardly be much better off. It's like his brain exploded, first forced to try and comprehend the expansive collective of the hivemind, then flooded by memories and experiences he thought were all lost. Everything he saw, everywhere he was - all mixed in with the terrified screams of thousands of voices being overwhelmed and dying. When the drone collapses, Tom follows suit - his poor human brain unable to comprehend it all and shutting down to save itself.

When the others find him, he's unconscious, blood oozing from his nose and the injection sites in his neck. He's pale and clammy, but not the ashen color of a freshly-made Borg. The drone is lying beside him, dead - yet signs of struggle are clearly minimal. No one is sure what actually happened.

Tuvok and whoever else are in the away team are all completely perplexed. One moment they were trying to fend off the Borg in other parts of the Cube, then they heard Tom's screams echo through the ship and suddenly one by one, every drone seemed to fritz out and collapse. B'Elanna and Harry try checking the Borg systems, but they can't understand what they're seeing. All they can tell is that it looks like something burnt out every system, spreading from the inside out - both in the ship and the drones themselves like some kind of cascade failure.

Taking their chance to escape, the away team beams back to Voyager, with Tom sent straight to sickbay. When the Doctor gets ahold of him, he's shocked to see that the assimilation process had been started - but something had halted it. Nanoprobes have to be removed from Tom's body, but the interlink node that should have connected him to the collective is completely burned out even before the Doctor removes it. After surgery to remove the Borg tech and to repair some damage done to Tom's brain, they have to wait for him to wake up.

In the meantime, the other senior staff share what they know and what knowledge they gained from the Borg cube. B'Elanna and Seven come to the conclusion that there was some kind of cascade failure, and that the interconnectedness of the Borg meant that when it hit one, it hit all the rest. Janeway is excited by the prospect - that the Borg's greatest strength, their hivemind, could become their downfall if they can only figure out how to recreate what happened. Seven takes what scans she can from the Cube's systems before they depart, but it will take time to reconstruct all the damaged and fragmented data.

Of course, when Tom wakes up in Sickbay, he's initially pretty disoriented. He doesn't remember exactly what happened, too confused by the voices from the collective, and once more unable to comprehend the Warp 10 experiences. He explains that he remembers feeling the injection tubules piercing his skin, feeling terror and disgust at the idea of losing himself as a Borg, but then it's like... static in his brain. Just a faint memory of pressure and pain that he can't understand. When the Doctor assures him that there's no longer anything physically wrong with him, Tuvok suggests that perhaps a mind-meld will be able to help them. Tom's memories may be fragmented due to his injuries and the trauma of the experience, but Tuvok may be able to parse out what happened with the Borg.

The Doctor is, as usual, skeptical of the dangers of such a thing - especially so soon after Tom's recovery. But when he hears what the others experienced and why Janeway wants to know what happened, Tom agrees to the meld anyways.

Meanwhile, I also like to think that this strange occurrence was felt by the Borg Queen. Due to the time it would likely take for information to reach the center of the collective, I imagine only the drones closest to the away team's Cube would have been destroyed or otherwise incapacitated. Because of this, the Queen would have some knowledge of what happened - gleaned from fragments of the dying drones' collective consciousnesses. Mostly, she just felt hundreds of drones inexplicably ceasing to function and knew that, at the heart of it, somehow the crew of Voyager were involved. So she sends out a sort of scouting party, to find the ruined cube and to gather more information. Whatever had created this unknown threat - it has to be eliminated.

Back on Voyager, the meld doesn't exactly go as planned. Tuvok had melded with Tom once before after the Banean incident - but this was entirely different. He sees, experiences the sensations, as Tom is captured and the tubules are injected. But then everything becomes... almost incomprehensible. There is pain, fear - and the voice of the collective, their multi-faceted mantra of "resistance is futile, prepare to be assimilated". But intercut with this is something else entirely - space, a shuttlecraft, a feeling of inexplicable freedom. Then Earth, Starfleet headquarters, and a Klingon battle cruiser - voices from the Romulan high counsel, and the inside of an abandoned Cardassian station. Even more flood his mind - some arguing Kazon, though it seems to be a sect unfamiliar to them, a planet unknown to Federation star charts, creatures and places and people that Tuvok has no point of reference for. The images and sensations keep overlapping and coming faster, more intense, until Tuvok can also feel the screams of the Borg, feels the pain pain pain - and he has to force himself to sever the link before his own mind is drawn asunder.

In Sickbay, he stumbles back, caught by Janeway and Chakotay. Tuvok is surprised by the toll such a meld had on him, and even more so at the blood dripping from his own nose. Janeway kindly brings him a tissue and asks if he is alright. The Doctor is hovering, going back and forth between scanning Tuvok and Tom - the latter of which is only just coming around. He eventually asks what happened, trying to sit up but being overcome by a wave of dizziness. The Doctor insists he lie down, and for once Tom doesn't argue. He does admit, however, that partway through the meld it was like his mind just hit a wall and he must have passed out. He doesn't really remember anything.

After much fussing and a few hyposprays, the Doctor tells them that both Tom and Tuvok will be alright - but that they both need to rest for at least the next twenty-four hours. Whatever happened put a great deal of strain on their bodies both physically and mentally, and he once more chides Vulcans on their "recklessness in playing with the humanoid brain". He also give Tom a mild sedative to ensure that he doesn't try to overexert himself.

While Tom sleeps, Tuvok takes the time to meditate and regain his bearings. Afterwards, Janeway brings him some tea in her ready room and asks if he can try to explain what he saw. Tuvok says that the experience was quite disturbing, but that after familiarizing himself with Tom's records, he has begun to come up with a plausible hypothesis. He says that many of the things he saw in Tom's memories shouldn't have been possible - such as the unfamiliar Kazon sect, and the various worlds and humanoids that they have no record of. When Janeway asks if this could have come from the Borg, Tuvok says that it is unlikely - each person's perception leaves a sort of imprint on their own memories, like an artist's signature or the codes used to denote a federation signal in a communique. While the thoughts of the collective were briefly present in Tom's mind, as soon as he became linked to it, these other memories exploded out. The only explanation Tuvok can offer forth is that Tom's brain retained some encoding of his experiences with transwarp flight, which were previously too vast for him to consciously comprehend. The capacity of the humanoid brain to process information must have expanded exponentially with the aid of the collective, and these experiences were once again accessible. However, the onslaught was too much for even the Borg to handle, which completely overloaded their inorganic systems.

He expresses that it seems, Tom unintentionally became a living, breathing Trojan Horse for the collective - without anyone being aware of it. The supposed "weapon" that Janeway was hoping for is, unfortunately Tom Paris himself.

#Replies

[pilots-and-protons]

Listen @tea-earl-grey , you are right "Vis a Vis" is so bad and I would do anything for a fun, silly Janeway and Paris body-swap fix-it to happen instead.

I wish we could have had some fun with Janeway’s and Tom’s (sadly brief) body-swap in “Vis à Vis”. It would have been really fun if the Doctor took a while to reverse the process and therefore a bunch of silliness got to ensue.

Like Janeway being very annoyed that she keeps getting heartburn and Tom explaining that his body isn’t used to surviving on five cups of black coffee every day thank-you-very-much. Usually he likes to eat actual food.

Tom constantly tripping and incorrectly pressing panels at the helm. Half of his flying is muscle memory, and every sense of balance and physical space is off because Janeway’s body is so much smaller than his. He also abandons her heeled boots for more comfortable shoes within the first hour and it makes him even shorter.

It’s also very bizarre to see himself sitting in the Captain’s chair, or floating around the bridge with his hands on his hips while asking for status reports.

Janeway keeps bumping into consoles, hitting her head, and accidentally knocking over objects on her desk. Tom’s body is so goddamn tall compared to hers and he’s got (in her words), stupidly long arms. She knocks over two padds and a cup of coffee before it’s even lunchtime.

Also both of them just feeling generally kind of weird because their perspectives are so drastically different .

”I admit, I never really noticed quite how shiny the Doctor’s head is until now.” 

“Yeah well, turns out B’Elanna’s death glare is a lot more affective when she doesn’t have to look up at you.”

And bonus for Harry being very confused and slightly uncomfortable because Captain Janeway is sitting in his quarters, lounging on his couch, and asking about the local gossip. He knows it’s Tom, technically, but he just can’t get past the fact that Tom looks and sounds like his Captain - even if the grin on her face is 100% Paris.

#And like I KNOW when I wrote this post originally #I forgot to mention that I KNOW Janeway and Tom #Don't technically swap bodies #Just Janeway in Tom's body #But it would have been so much fun #To swap her AND Tom #Because the Doctor probably wants to get the criminal guy done first #And then we could have had fun shenanigans #Star Trek #VOY #Voyager #Replies #St: voy #And ugh don't even get me started on the gross shit with B'Elanna #You can tell MEN wrote this shit #Absolutely unacceptable #And I like to think nothing worse than kissing happened #(Which would already be bad enough) #Because B'Elanna doesn't deserve that shit #Anyways mini rant over

[pilots-and-protons]

IT'S IN 1x09 EMANATIONS!!!

@aquamonstra is a Saint and found this for me so now I can re-listen to it whenever I want. I was looking off-and-on for months and somehow missed it.

For the LIFE of me I cannot find or remember what episode of the Delta Flyers had that silly moment of Garrett and Robbie being excited that they were both wearing Canadian sports-team hats.

I just need to re-listen to it but I DON’T REMEMBER WHICH EPISODE IT WAS

#the delta flyers

[pilots-and-protons]

I hate that the Voyager writers were so inconsistent with Tom Paris, cuz at his best he really is wonderful. I'm rewatching Course: Oblivion, AKA the one where Tom and B'elanna get married then it turns out they're clones and they all die, and he is the sweetest man in the universe. Moments before the wedding Janeway says to him "Your bachelor days are over" and he replies "Not a moment too soon". She asks him "any second thoughts?" and he gives B'elanna the biggest heart eyes in the universe and responds "second, third fourth" and it's clear that all those thoughts are for her. Later, Harry teases him that he's only been married a day and he's "already domesticated (side note: yuk, Harry), and without pause Tom goes "jealous?" And his vows... "I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I'll try to keep doing it".

Tom is so utterly devoted to B'elanna. He's an idiot sometimes, and he fucks up majorly on occasion, and he doesn't always understand, but he loves this woman whole heartedly. He tried to play at being the big lothario, but even in the first episodes it was clear he wasn't actually much good at it. Some of the writers insist on trying to drag out the "secretly a shitty person" angle on Tom, and it's just boring - and it doesn't fit with this much more compelling version of him. He's a big softie who loves deeply and is whole heartedly loyal where he loves. That's true of his relationship with his mentor and Captain Janeway (he'd 10000% fist fight anyone who said a word against her), it's true of his relationship with his best friend Harry (remember The Chute where he held off hordes of pissed off prisoners?), and it's true of his relationship with his wife, B'elanna.

#Everything about this!!! YES!!! #Star Trek #Tom Paris #VOY #Voyager #St: voy

[pilots-and-protons]

Re-watched "Drive" and I feel like many people seem to miss that half the point of the episode is not that Tom is a bad boyfriend or that he and B'Elanna are a terrible match.

The point is that relationships take work and communication, the latter of which B'Elanna isn't very good at. It's a recurring theme throughout the series that she has difficulty sharing her feelings and being vulnerable - and the first thing she does is hide her disappointment from Tom and not tell him how much work she put into planning their weekend together. Neelix, as a giver of good advice, is right to point out that because she is upset, B'Elanna is isolating herself from Tom and setting him up to disappoint her again - which doesn't help either of them.

(It honestly reminds me of people whose love languages aren't the same; if they don't tell each other this, both would just think the other person doesn't care enough because they aren't receiving love in the way they think is best.)

For all his (very adhd-coded) flaws of getting side-tracked, Tom is the one trying to communicate throughout the episode. He tells her about the race and admits that he forgot their date. But it's important to note two things: he doesn't know how much time and energy B'Elanna put into making it happen, and he says he can back out of the race. Yes he starts rambling about how excited he was, but that sounds like trying to justify why he forgot (it's important to the aliens running it for peace, its one of a kind and therefore he got really excited, etc.) It didnt come off to me as trying to guilt B'Elanna into letting him do it, because thats not the kind of person he is. I fully believe that, even if it disappointed him, he would have put B'Elanna first and backed out of the race, like he said, if she wanted him to - because we see this is exactly what he does later in forfeiting the win to talk about what has been upsetting her.

For as much as B'Elanna says that Tom doesn't seem to prioritize her, a lot of the issues in the episode are from B'Elanna feeling ignored but being unable to communicate what she needs. Which is completely reasonable! Because it's hard! Especially when you're feeling vulnerable and unappreciated, the one thing you don't want to have to do is put in more effort to communicate what you need. But of course that's not how relationships work (because people aren't mind readers), and of course they do have to properly talk it out together.

Anyways I just think that B'Elanna has some lovely vulnerability and emotional growth she has to go through in this episode, and it feels wrong to write it off as just "well they clearly aren't good for each other".

#Star Trek #VOY #Drive #B'Elanna Torres #Tom Paris #St: voy #Voyager #P/T

[pilots-and-protons]

something something, character arcs coming full circle, something something Tom Paris starting out caring only about flying but not being able to (aboard as an observer), and ending not caring about flying but having to (even though he wanted to be with his wife, be there for the birth of his daughter)

#Tom Paris #Voyager #St: voy #Voy #do you feel me? do you understand the vision?

[pilots-and-protons]

How come no one's made a Tom Paris/B'Elanna Torres version of this:

#Would this not be the vibe???? Come on #Star Trek #VOY #Voyager #B'Elanna Torres #Tom Paris #P/T #princess mononoke #st: voy