professorhephaestus

[professorhephaestus]

apprentices: so cool we're gonna be wizards what are we learning in class today professor hephaestus

hephaestus: math. just math. you idiots can't map stars without math. we're doing basic geometry. counting. numbers. 1 2 3 and so forth

#solar trials #shore leave is so funny because these kids come back knowing calculus #their parents: weren't you....shouldn't you be able to fly and shit? or?

[professorhephaestus]

#my art #solar trials #ngozi answer

[professorhephaestus]

In every photo of Tom and Hephaestus, there's Tom, A Normal Human Man Who's Excited To Be There and then there's:

#solar trials #my art #Hephaestus #a prestigious wizard scholar exuding radiance mystery and cosmic aura.

[professorhephaestus]

Some disorganized rambling on toxic behavior and the times when Tom and Hephaestus actually truly hate each other:

Above all, Tom's main concern is the well-being of the apprentices, while Hephaestus's main concern is getting as many of them to pass the Trials as possible. He does not care about how banged up or damaged they get physically or psychologically during this process. He is entirely ego driven. These are his students, who happen to be Terrestrials, and he loathes them for that, but he also wants to cement his reputation as the greatest rector in Martian history. So he maximizes his pedagogy and adapts it for Terrestrials, while also heartlessly coaching the students past their limits because, dammit, he will make rectors out of each of them.

(Yes, his character arc is a massive shift toward humility and empathy but that comes later.)

When Tom and Hephaestus are most at odds is when Tom is gritting his teeth, seething, and furious at what Hephaestus is willing to do to prepare these students for this test. It's impossible to explain to Hephaestus that these kids signed up to train for this, but they didn't sign up for...trauma? Youre traumatizing them? At the beginning it's all fun and games—battling cosmic beasts, finding rare potion ingredients, going to the furthest reaches of the solar system..but after a while Tom can see that Hephaestus is kind of being pointlessly hard on them. He makes them do impossible tasks. He has them clawing their way out of these unimaginable battles. And then Tom has to watch Hephaestus be a bad teacher and belittle/dismiss/humiliate these kids simply because they're from earth.

Hephaestus does eventually apologize for everything, but man. Sheesh. There's the initial hate between Tom and Hephaestus because "my colleague is an arrogant bigot" and the secondary hate because "my colleague is an arrogant bigot who doesn't mind giving 20 year olds PTSD to enhance his scholarly reputation."

I Also ALSO ALSO think that Hephaestus at some point resents Tom for his (distinctly American) idealism and naivete. Tom has a Manifest Destiny streak in him that Hephaestus HATES, and acts like the selection of these students for the Trials is part of some grand narrative of Mankind. It's an extremely frustratingly earth-centric POV. Like, don’t get it twisted for a second—Hephaestus isn't training these kids so that they may advance the human species. He is training them to be stewards of a magic that is millions of years old and to be scholars that develop it further. It's rather annoying that Tom is approaching this like mankind's greatest feat. That Tom complains that the way these students become rectors is just as important as them becoming rectors at all. The story has to be right. This has to be a good and meaningful experience for them. Tom shamelessly projects his own belief that anything that has to do with space should be a meaningful, pristine, incredible adventure. And Hephaestus is kind of ruining that for him—whoops, I mean—for them. They're kids...

Hephaestus would maintain that they are not children. They are rectors-in-training. They all grasped the crook to become empowered. They signed up for this.

Anyway, I have to figure out a way for them to fall in love with each other despite actively having hated each other at some points in this story lmao.

#rambling #solar trials

[professorhephaestus]

my favorite thing about hephaestus's character design is the loc of hair that could be tucked behind his horn or ear but he doesn't---in fact i'm sure he wakes up and carefully pulls out a single loc of hair to dangle across his forehead and cheek and checks the mirror and then goes to lecture

#MIND YOU when this blog shifts into actual content y'all are gonna be gagged

[professorhephaestus]

Im gonna be insufferable and send a spotify link but would Tom Aubrey my fellow Texan like Nanci Griffith?

https://open.spotify.com/track/2nmZJbYYPnlU1LlCaRxc6u?si=1EzZ8gAWQr6KhwXG93Jd7A&context=spotify%3Aalbum%3A5fI4lHlUm9JuuOVSooXUku

thank you for turning me on to Nanci Griffith because yes, confirmed, Tom would put this on in his bunk on the Almanac and open his journal but then not write anything and stare out a window with his chin on his hand

#what's the astronomy equivalent of a horse girl #tom is a space girl

[professorhephaestus]

okay this might be like Bitty's eyes--if you read check please there were a few comics where bitty's eyes got SO huge and no one stopped me. no one pulled me aside and said "ngozi bitty's eyes are too big. his character design is fucking insane rn. he's mostly eye. you need to scale it back"

so, in the same way, if tom gets to be too much of a cornball you have to put a hand on my shoulder and say "you goobered him too hard. Thomas Aubrey is too sweet and dweeby, even for a fictional man. half of his vocabulary is gosh and y'all. you need to degoober him."

but always encourage me to make hephaestus more of a condescending asshole

#to be deleted #hephaestus needs MORE cape flourishes #he always needs to remind his students that he's smarter than they can ever comprehend #when you hand hephaestus an electronic device he needs to ryan gosling velcro wallet it #he will insult ur granny who was the first female doctor in Jefferson County bc how many lives could she POSSIBLY have saved w/o magic

[professorhephaestus]

Tom opening up his high school yearbook in 1986: What?! Haha, y'all—okay, real funny. Didja see this? "Senior superlatives, Thomas Aubrey—Most Likely To Get Willingly Abducted By Aliens." Whaaat! Y'all—just because I run the astronomy club????? Huh?....Well, space is cool. Come on, now. Oh my gosh. This is hilarious.

#solar trials #my art #Tom absolutely wanted to live on mars from ages 6 to 13

[professorhephaestus]

you: yeah can we get some words? a comic? an illustration? doesn't even have to be of hephaestus it can be the kidds...how does the ship look like? You've only drawn one other alien species? map of the martian capitol? thoughts on Mars's currency-free economy?

me: Tom is absolutely obsessed with Looney Tunes. Yes, I said Looney Tunes. You see, they were pretty popular in the late 90s and early 00s so I'm imagining that he has some variation of Taz socks or like a Taz coffee mug. He specifically would like Taz. He also likes Bugs. Frankly, I believe he thinks all of those little cartoons are a hoot. He absolutely has never seen any of the shows but he just likes how they look. He went to Six Flags Fiesta Texas when it first opened in 1992 because he also likes roller coasters.

#solar trials #words #ngozi answer #you: (screaming) HOW DOES THE MAGIC SYSTEM WORK #me: Hephaestus's favorite cereal is frosted flakes. You'd think they'd be too sweet for him but no.

[professorhephaestus]

You might think "well hephaestus secretly enjoys it :) <3" well he doesn't

March!! It's bluebonnet season in Texas!!! You know what that means!!! Tom throws Hephaestus into the truck and makes them take corny photos 20 minutes off the highway!!!! Because Hephaestus willingly decided to pair bond with a cornball!!! His fault!!!!!!!!!

The way that Tom would just be like ":D"!!!!

#he simply loves tom aubrey #tom puts up with hephaestus's demands that they go to pretentious martian soirees so like they're even (not remotely)

[professorhephaestus]

March!! It's bluebonnet season in Texas!!! You know what that means!!! Tom throws Hephaestus into the truck and makes them take corny photos 20 minutes off the highway!!!! Because Hephaestus willingly decided to pair bond with a cornball!!! His fault!!!!!!!!!

The way that Tom would just be like ":D"!!!!

#i'm working on an outline for a graphic novel for my publisher so you guys are getting low quality solar trials content #solar trials #Tom is a cornball because...oh ouch...I AM a cornball.....write what you know......

[professorhephaestus]

[Tom and Hephaestus, debating]

Hephaestus: You change the subject with unnecessary compliments. You cannot distract me from the topic at hand with flattery, Thomas.

Tom: Oh boy, you caught me! No, no, no, you're way too smart for that, a renowned debator such as yourself. But its so hard to argue when you're standing there just...big and strong...defined...

Hephaestus:

Hephaestus: well, Martians have a higher metabolism than Terrestrials, a much more nutritious diet, and we take exercise regularly. As you must know, ambulatory study is a regular part of scholarship–thus the frequent planetside trekking lectures. My daily aerobics have contributed to my physique as well. I am naturally quite statuesque (I do not exaggerate) but take gentle measures here and there to emphasize the planes of my body. For example my thigh muscles, developed, obviously, like most Martians for scaling terrain—

#tom: nodding #solar trials #words #i want him to be the most vain character ever conceived

[professorhephaestus]

I'm pretty sure Hephaestus imagined that he'd get some amazing starship to conduct his solar rite on, but he gets the Almanac, a starroot freighter, which is ALWAYS running another job. so whenever you go up to AL and are like

Teddy: hey, AL, what's your manifest looking like rn Almanac: Ah yes. My current manifest: you—Apprentice Theodore. Teddy: yup Almanac: your classmates Teddy: yup Almanac: Rector Hephaestus, Captain Aubrey, Tutor Xavyn Teddy: yup Almanac: And 120 Martian seismologists Teddy: A HUNDRED AND TWEN—AND THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS KEEP EATING ALL THE CORN FLAKES!!!!! Almanac: Er, Apprentice Theodore, I can simply grow more Terrestrial corn flakes. Teddy: (storms off) It's the PRINCIPLE of the matter

(BTW I think Teddy's main objectives during the solar rite are avoiding doing homework and terrorizing whoever else is on board the Almanac.)

AL is the ship they live on, but they're (he's, she's, it's) also approximately three dozen "nodes" aka, botanical androids that are always puttering around the ship doing stuff. (So Teddy, in that situation, just strolled up to a node and started talking to them.)

A node enters a library where Captain Aubrey and Jenny are having a counseling session:

Captain Aubrey: Oh, hey, AL! Sorry—but, we're in the middle of a session. Could you come back later? I like to keep these private. Almanac: Oh. Of course. Almanac: (turns around) Should I not listen in on your counseling sessions then? Jenny: Wait. You've been listening to these??? Almanac: Of course. I'm aware of everything happening inside of me. It's standard security protocol for a starroot freighter. Almanac: (not blinking) I also watch all of you sleep. Jenny and Captain Aubrey: Almanac: I apologize. Is that not comforting? I was attempting to comfort you.

later

Captain Aubrey: Knock knock. Yeah, hey, Professor? The apprentices think the Almanac is watching them in the showers. And I don't think they're wrong!! Hephaestus: The Almanac? Yes, they certainly are. Their monitoring is standard protocol for a starroot freighter. Captain Aubrey: Yeah, I get that, but—isn't that a little weird? Creepy? (lowers his voice.) Professor, we're naked. Hephaestus: Captain Aubrey, the Almanac is a massive sentient tree infused with solar magic. I assure you that they are completely unaroused by their Terrestrial human passengers. Now, were you all blooming prunus incisa, there would be some cause for alarm. You may put those down anywhere, Almanac.

And a single node of the Almanac enters and sets down a 200 pound crate of stone tablets, received from the Royal Academy of Mars.

Almanac: See, Captain Aubrey. I am completely harmless. Captain Aubrey: (terrified) Al, your foot Almanac: Ah. (lifts up package, which he has mistakenly placed on his foot.) Thank you, Captain Aubrey. Again, I am completely harmless.

#solar trials #words #if you're wondering how Al looks just imagine Data and Tilda Swinton but slightly lime colored and they never blink #I think the apprentices taught them how to smile so they will smile. at first it's scary. #but then they get good at human expressions!!

[professorhephaestus]

different casting styles!!

#solar trials #my art #Kiddz Bop™

[professorhephaestus]

has anyone ever called professor hephaestus "professtus" and if so, have they ever said it to his face? (it's possible that my brain is... overly fond of portmanteaus.)

"And this," said Hephaestus, turning away from the astral diagram and back to the apprentices, "is how an eclipse might affect your casting. Yes, Genevieve."

Already Hephaestus was surprised. Usually, if Genevieve had a query she made it known to Hephaestus after lecture—mumbling, trembling, and shuffling her feet near the door of Hephaestus's study. Or, if the matter were more urgent, he'd notice a scrap of parchment passed from Genevieve to Prince Eigan, and later find his nephew standing with an excellent observation. Once, while monitoring frytus mating patterns around the southern pole of Earth, he watched as Genevieve waved a Cast of Searching over the side of The Almanac, went over to Theodore, whispered into his nodding ear, and then Theodore strolled up to him later with an unusually well-thought out question.

But now, Jenny stood. Captain Aubrey and the rest of the apprentices looked up from their wire-bound notebooks when they realized who was interrupting lecture.

"Uh. Oh. Sorry." She stared through Hephaestus. She adjusted her glasses. "I just. Was wondering about the effects of syzygial magic on runes." And then for good measure added: "professtus, sir."

Interesting.

Genevieve reddened. "Sorry. I mean Professor professtus. Uh, no, sorry." She shook her head. "Hephaessor Professtus. Hephaestus Professtus. Prohestus—Oh—I—Uh—"

She dropped back into her chair.

"Wow, big day for Jenny, huh?" said Tom later over midday meal. "No idea what got into her. Very brave."

"Yes," Hephaestus agreed. "She was somehow able to pronounce 'syzygial' but not 'professor' or 'Hephaestus.'"

Later

Teddy: Hey Professtus— Hephaestus: No. Teddy: Yup! Yeah! Fair. Of course.

#solar trials #words

[professorhephaestus]

...maybe i just need to suck it up and learn how to draw spaceships and aliens and make this a comic 😳 prose is fun prose is cool but (squints at mirror) you already have a very specific skillset?????

#(thinks about drawing a crowd scene once) no nevermind it's not worth it

[professorhephaestus]

#yes reblogging this wholesale to the sci-fi fantasy dev blog #am i building an entire story JUST because I want to show one being falling wildly and recklessly in love with humanity??? #that when met with the best of humanity he changes #because he has no other choice but to change when met with hope and determination and good will and the human spirit #perhaps