queen-thinky-thoughts

[queen-thinky-thoughts]

Haha, okay, I'm crawling out of the woodwork to just... look at these pictures, which are terribly cute, first off.

But also, it completely brought to mind the massive hate-boner some people on tumblr had for Mary and how evil she apparently was and how much she disapproved of Freddie being gay and his friends. Bruh. Idk who in their right mind can look at these pics, of Freddie's ex hanging out with ALL of his gay friends and partner and no other females, and genuinely think "What a bad person she was for not fully embracing his sexuality and for not being bestiesss with all of his male friends". I'm literally 😂

Jesus.

#Freddie Mercury #Mary Austin #Instagram

[queen-thinky-thoughts]

It's kind of hit me, dipping my toes back into fandom and thinking about the auction, that Mary really did spend 30 years living in (? right next to?) a place that didn't change one bit from when Freddie was still alive. Like, his mustache comb was probably lying on the bathroom counter, sort of thing.

That is insane to me.

I mean, I think if it were me, I would have gone insane. I can't fathom losing someone you love and living surrounded by their life for decades, not changing a thing. The thought gives me the chills a little.

Although, who knows, maybe there's comfort in it, too.

#freddie mercury #mary austin

[queen-thinky-thoughts]

I continue to be confused about the actual hatred some people seem to feel for real people they have never met and don't know. Be it members of the band, roadies, partners, etc. Parasocial relationships are often talked about in terms of love and adoration, but hate is just the other side of the coin, I guess.

I think that's been the most bizarre thing for me during my real people fandom experience.

#I don't think I'll ever get it

[queen-thinky-thoughts]

Thinking about this post (hi @jenaphyr), which I mostly agree with, except that having stepped out of fandom for a hot second, I don't think I can at all agree that Freddie was "straightwashed" in the movie. He was only straightwashed if you look at the movie through the most obsessive online fandom glasses.

BoRhap was a movie about a gay man. In which he realised he was gay. And proceeded to have gay affairs, gayly pining for another gay man. Really, to the average viewer, movie!Freddie did indeed come off as very gay. I don't see how anyone could possibly argue with that. lol

Sure, his relationship with Mary wasn't portrayed precisely as it actually happened, a lot of things weren't, a few people probably went away thinking he might have been bi (oh no, the horror, the crime) but I'm sorry, where was the straightwashing actually? Freddie very much did have a romantic and sexual relationship with Mary at some point. Like so, so so, SO many gay men who try living a straight life (often with moderate success even) before they finally give up. Why do I constantly get the feeling that this fandom is obsessed with downplaying Freddie's relationship with Mary to "he never really loved her at all or was romantic with her ever" when that's just... not the truth. Or the whole "oh but he loved Jim MORE". What the heck? Love is not a measurable thing. He was in a relationship with both of them at different points in his life, both of them mattered to him differently, both of them he loved in the way in which he loved them. It's not a competition and simply acknowledging the relationships with women he had prior to coming out doesn't make him less gay, you guys.

#bohemian rhapsody #freddie mercury #mary austin

[queen-thinky-thoughts]

I am watching the Bohemian Rhapsody movie, for the 10th time. And, yes, I know it's controversial. I know almost everyone in this fandom who has something to say about it hates it. And yes, I know its faults. I know that it portrays Paul Prenter as a Disney Villain. (Sure he was an arsehole, but god-damn, he wasn't the devil-incarnate.) I know it straight-washes Freddie and makes Mary seem like the love of his life (which she wasn't) and it makes Freddie seem like a moody little lonely brat (which he wasn't) but GOD-DAMN it brought a lot of us to this fandom, and the actors did a good job. And I still watch it and enjoy it, even knowing all these things.

A lot of non-Queen fanatics always tell me they loved the movie and they ask me if I loved it, and I am the type of person who can't say "NO! I hated it because--" (and rattle off 75 reasons that don't mean shit to an average person). I'm just more of a people person than that. I genuinely have friends and seek to get along with other people, regardless of differences. Sure, I can offer my opinion about how Freddie was actually gay and not bisexual and how he truly loved Jim Hutton more than Mary Austin, but again, I would prefer to interact with living-humans than be stuck on some dead man's past that I don't actually even know.

In other words, I don't believe Freddie would have been the type to sit and try and drill his opinion into other people's heads. I think he's the type who would want to hear about their views and to talk with them and get to know them rather than fight all evening. Don't you all love to connect with humans rather than constantly pit yourself against them? Isn't it nicer to connect and find common ground in this short life than to isolate yourself over petty differences forever? Of course, I'm not talking about people who actively negate your existence as a person or make you feel uncomfortable... but I'm talking about people who differ from you in opinion.

That being said, it's not so horrible to feel uncomfortable once in a while. We have gotten so accustomed to "safe spaces" that we don't realise that it's not always horrible to feel discomfort sometimes. We have conflated uncomfortable with unsafe, which is not the case. If someone tells me they disagree with me, that they believe Mary Austin was the love of Freddie Mercury's life, I am not inherently unsafe. Sure, I might disagree, and I can tell them as much, but that doesn't make that person a fucking animal. People spend so much time online that they forget how to actually interact with people who disagree with them.

Throwing around hideous terminology towards people that disagree with you on very petty, relatively meaningless terms is just another symptom of a society that has lost its ability to debate healthfully with each other. Not everyone is the fucking enemy. Get offline for a bit. Talk with people. Have conversations with human beings that do not involve a keyboard. Meet people who are from different walks of life, different age groups, etc. Of course, don't be unsafe. You don't need racists or legitimate homophobics in your circle, but conversely, not everyone who disagrees with you is Hitler.

The Internet can be great, but it can also lead people to believe that their circles are the only ones that exist.

People love Freddie Mercury without knowing his entire life story, and they feel the same pull towards his music even if they believe he was bisexual or that he loved Mary best of all. I don't agree with them, but they're not the fucking devil.

#one reason why I don't miss fandom so much

[queen-thinky-thoughts]

Lmao, "before you go on a rampage and declare me mentally unfit to blog" 😂 I love you, Jen.

Honestly, what you bring to, at the very least, my personal fandom experience is lightness and laughs. Be it with your fic or your meta.

Now, I hear you, and you make a strong case for a possibility here (by the way, I do love that fic) but... I'm not entirely convinced, myself. Which is fine, obviously.

Why am I not convinced? Because Freddie had a track record of never, ever getting with anyone who was in any way important in the recording industry. I think the prospect of feeling inferior terrified him. Even so, what do I know? It's not entirely impossible. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I was reading an early Stephen King story about male record execs (and their male conquests) and I thought to myself: surely Freddie Mercury had a toss about in the proverbial hay with John Reid.

In other words, might they have fucked?

I don't say this to imply that every time two gay men entered the same room, they automatically jumped into bed together. That's not only outlandish, but it's more than a tad homophobic. After all, no matter how few eligible gay bachelors were willing receivers (or givers for that matter) in the 1970s, horniness simply cannot make a swan out of an ugly duckling.

However, I digress.

The world as we know it today was not the world in the 1970s. We think of our world as much more politically correct than any person who lived through the 1970s thought of their world, let me just tell you. It would shock the hell out of people to know what kinds of things were said and done in the 70s.

And not all of them were bad.

In fact, what's bad about two adult gay men having sex? Maybe there's the moral dilemma of a record exec (John Reid) boinking his newly signed, very green, but obviously queer talent (Freddie--I mean, Queen, of course). But that's also what makes it so god damn appealing. I mean, John Reid was obviously gay. Freddie was obviously (or at least obviously to anyone who cared to look) gayer than a daffodil, darling. And not only was he homo as fuck, he was also always aching for connection.

That, in itself, doesn't mean they'd just immediately hop into bed. For example, I do not think that Freddie and Kenny Everett ever fucked, even though they had chemistry out the wazoo. Nor do I think that he and Elton John ever fucked (they were simply BFFS, 4ever and always). I don't think he and David Wigg ever fucked, either, despite the incessant flirting (the bigger the better---in EVERYTHING). The list goes on.

I do have trouble saying with absolute certainty that Freddie Mercury didn't witness, aid, or abet in one of John Reid's orgasms, though. There's something about them that just speaks to a fucking relationship. Maybe it's the closeness.

But, but, but, you might say: Freddie was close with a lot of people. He actively rested his cute little head on Roger Taylor's shoulders. And, though I'm a huge fan of Froger fics, I don't think (nay, I absolutely know) they ever did the nasty. He practically HUMPED our boy Brian May onstage, and yet never did their penises meet (besides tentatively, like stalwart neighbors, across the room in the early days before each band member had his own dressing room).

Freddie was an incorrigible flirt, and a horny git who might have humped a table leg if he thought it would please the audience, but the man was also a sensitive and deeply emotional human being who knew when to keep his freak on a leash and when to let it burst out of its cage. Where business was concerned, I think he kept his penis as a Victorian couple might have kept a very willful child: seen and not heard.

Still, still, there is something cheeky in the way Freddie and John looked at each other. I think they fucked. At least once. It wasn't intentional, or planned. What good sex ever is? And, despite Freddie's misgivings about mixing business and pleasure, I think he was just young enough that he blurred the lines. He let John seduce him (really, we all know it was Freddie who was the seductress). Then, he put his finger on John's lips and told him it could never happen again. Now that John had a taste of that immaculate bussy, he was to be in Freddie's control forevermore.

Now, before you go on a rampage and declare me mentally unfit to blog, just know that I have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about. Just like you, dear reader, I did not know Freddie Mercury, so I have no earthly idea whom he did or did not fuck.

I only have my imagination. And this lovely fic, which has- admittedly- twisted my arm.

#John Reid #Freddie Mercury

[queen-thinky-thoughts]

Ain't that the truth. lol

#no I haven't read the whole interview yet #the friend who posted it shared this with me #Mary Austin #Freddie Mercury

[queen-thinky-thoughts]

Sorry, but this reminded me that I have the following hung up in my kitchen and actually it really is excellent life advice, I think.

Here's a thought that sat with me for a while and I'm finally able to put it into words.

I've seen some anger toward Phoebe for appearing to be more kindly disposed toward Mary more recently then he used to be many years ago. I've seen some takes go as far as conspiracy theories about this, and wild speculations about possible nefarious reasons, when I think it's quite simple and not very surprising. People are known to change their opinions about many a thing over the course of their lives.

Most people don't want to die as an angry ball of bitterness filled with resentment toward everyone who ever wronged them. Most people, I think, do actually make an attempt to resolve resentment and lingering anger for themselves by - over time - taking several steps back from the situation in question and putting themselves in the other person's shoes, too. Because once you understand how a person who upset you felt, and why they acted the way they did toward you, it's often near impossible to stay angry with them.

I think that is all that's happened with Phoebe. The passage of time, understanding and forgiveness.

#Phoebe Freestone #Mary Austin #meta

[queen-thinky-thoughts]

Here's a thought that sat with me for a while and I'm finally able to put it into words.

I've seen some anger toward Phoebe for appearing to be more kindly disposed toward Mary more recently then he used to be many years ago. I've seen some takes go as far as conspiracy theories about this, and wild speculations about possible nefarious reasons, when I think it's quite simple and not very surprising. People are known to change their opinions about many a thing over the course of their lives.

Most people don't want to die as an angry ball of bitterness filled with resentment toward everyone who ever wronged them. Most people, I think, do actually make an attempt to resolve resentment and lingering anger for themselves by - over time - taking several steps back from the situation in question and putting themselves in the other person's shoes, too. Because once you understand how a person who upset you felt, and why they acted the way they did toward you, it's often near impossible to stay angry with them.

I think that is all that's happened with Phoebe. The passage of time, understanding and forgiveness.

#Phoebe Freestone #Mary Austin

[queen-thinky-thoughts]

Going through the Freddie tag, and came across this story, which I love.

It illustrates the sheer amount of anxiety Freddie had (about his art and in general) so well. Because this isn't just a matter of a fiery temper. He joked about it and laughs it off later because he understands very well that he overreacted and lost control. What caused that?

A faulty mic, which presumably meant he got into his head about how badly the performance was going, and how badly it would reflect on him. I'm a big supporter of the theory that all emotions stem from either a place of fear or a place of love. (Elisabeth Kübler-Ross originated that thought.) Freddie’s response was rage, but underneath that was fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, fear of a situation that wasn't under his control. Classical perfectionism, really, which often stems from a mindset where love can only be earned by being successful in some way shape or form because it isn’t given unconditionally. You will be loved if you are a good boy, you will be loved if you are smart, you will be loved if you work hard, you will be loved if you make us proud. None of that may be ever said out loud, or even consciously thought, but it's a very common family environment that many can probably relate to.

Anyway, what I'm saying is that Freddie was a deeply anxious person, and his 'fiery temper' was an expression of that.

"As long as I live, I'll never forget my first meeting with Freddie Mercury. Storming into his dressing room where I was waiting after a two-hour show, he picked up a clothes iron and hurled it at a full-length mirror, smashing it to pieces. Well, I thought, he's obviously not superstitious! The outburst had been sparked by a faulty microphone on stage. Although the audience were unaware anything was wrong, Freddie blew his top. When he'd calmed down, I asked if it was worth getting so wound up over a problem the public knew nothing about. 'Some people can take second best, but I can't. If you've got the taste for being number one, then number two isn't good enough,' he said, slapping me on the knee as he exploded with laughter." — x

Freddie and his fiery temper 😝

#freddie mercury

[queen-thinky-thoughts]

I don't know (and will never know) much about about Mary. But i know one thing - she was there with him and for him when he was no one. When he had nothing. And that means she really loved him. And i can't say that with 100% certainty about all the other Freddie's lovers, because they fell in love with Freddie Mercury, the star. But i can be sure of her feelings. And it probably meant a lot to Freddie too.

I don't think it's quite as simple as that. There's actually an interview with Mary where she says that she wasn't sure she loved Freddie for a good few years (years!) - which kind of says a lot about her personality.

I think it's important to understand what many relationships used to be like in that time period. Nowadays, we are extremely prone to being very emotionally honest and open at all times. That was not the norm before. Many people were a lot more private with their emotions, even in their relationships.

Here's the thing. I do think Mary came to love Freddie, and I do think Freddie loved her. I do think she cared for him and supported him during their early relationship, but it's just as likely that much of this stemmed from the relationship dynamics expected of the time (girlfriend is housekeeper and cares for boyfriend) than being a proof of true love, or anything like that. See, Mary was a girl who had grown up with deaf parents. She would have automatically assumed certain helper/care-taker responsibilities from a young age because of that. She also lost her mother early in life and started full-time employment at age 15. Mary was a girl, yes, a girl, not even yet really a woman when she met Freddie at 19 years old, who had already accepted the role and burden of caretaker (of herself and those in her life) in many ways. Also, I'm sure it's not difficult too see how easily such a girl would have been exploited, in many ways, at a far too young age.

I think that what Freddie provided for her was security. He was not threatening, not sexually nor violently. He was quite likely not jealous, nor particularly possessive, albeit perhaps clingy. For a girl like Mary, who had probably already accumulated a fair amount of negative, frightening experiences with men by the age of 19, Freddie might have seemed like a reprieve from it all.

I think Freddie and Mary lived happily and successfully alongside each other, more than they lived with each other, for much of their romantic relationship. He had secrets, and she never asked. She very probably had trauma (does anyone really want to argue with me that a pretty 15-year-old girl already out of school and working, so essentially considered an adult, would not have fallen victim to a lot of sexual advances by adult men?) which he never triggered because I can't see Freddie ever particularly pushing her for sex. Of course not. He would have simply shrugged and said "Don't worry, darling" and secretly been relieved if she wasn't in the mood. All these reasons, in my opinion, amount to why Mary and Freddie stayed together for as long as they did.

But to get back to your ask, yes, I do think it meant a lot to Freddie, that she did support him before he could ever support her. I think they meant a lot to each other because they grew up alongside each other. I'm 100% sure Freddie also felt guilty, as I've said before, and felt that he needed to keep providing for her all his life. But that is only one part of the picture. There was a genuine connection and fondness there which I find impossible to deny.

#freddie mercury #mary austin

[queen-thinky-thoughts]

People have gotten mad at Brian for saying it, but when he said Freddie was a "serious monogamist" for me it makes total sense ahahah. Like, I'm sure throughout his life if someone had asked him what was the biggest happiness he could imagine in his romantic life he would have said in love with a man in a long term relationship

Sorry I'm replying to this late. I was busy, but also I did have to think about this for a moment.

Joe and David came to mind, and Freddie declaring that he had enough love for both of them. However, I think if Joe and David had showed even the slightest bit of interest in each other, Freddie would have hit the roof. Lol So yes, I think Brian is right.

I think Freddie's life, relationships and music all speak of the fact that he wanted a One True Love. He absolutely wanted to find fulfilment in one person, one relationship, and I think in every serious relationship he had, he found aspects of that. I think with Jim, he finally found a perfect fit, just at the right time, in the right place, so to say.

However, I think Brian also sometimes likes to view things from his own point of view, which is only natural. We all do that. And I think that really, the person who wants to find fulfillment and a romantic ideal in one single person more than anybody else is Brian.

He and Freddie undoubtedly shared some of that romanticism. But for Freddie, I think, it was easier to experience deep love in the moment while Brian really needed that bigger picture. I don't know if that makes sense. I think what I'm saying is that Freddie was a serial faller-in-lover. Brian is the serial monogamist, at heart.

#brian may #Freddie Mercury

[queen-thinky-thoughts]

See, that's really interesting, because we're down to the meaning of words. Respect could mean different things to different people. Yes, to me it does mean admiration to some degree. And I do admire about Mary how... hmm, stoically and reasonably she seems to have dealt with everything that's happened to her in her life. However, I also think there are a fair few things a different kind of person might have handled better. But anyway, the point is that no, of course, no one inherently deserves respect. It just seems, like you say, an odd choice to make Mary the "villain" of Freddie's story. There are no villains in real life.

There’s a lot of fandom excitement over Mary’s decision to auction off Freddie’s belongings. 

First of all, let's not forget that Freddie’s essence, his spirit, does not belong in material items. No cloth—whether worn next to his heart while it was beating with life, with verve, with zest—will ever contain his soul. No single possession, forged of bronze or glass or tapestry, is more important than the legacy Freddie Mercury left us through his music. 

Whoever ends up with his things won’t own Freddie Mercury any more than the teenager who listens to We Are the Champions through her headphones and feels alive, feels connected, feels the steady beating of her own heart in time with the drums. People who own priceless works of art are no more connected to the artist than those of us who stand in front of their paintings in museums (along with tens of other people), tears streaming down our faces. 

Should Mary have donated the items? Should she have given the items to Freddie’s relatives or friends? Maybe. It’s never easy to lose a loved one, a friend, a confidante, let alone if he was a public figure as grand as Freddie Mercury. Mary’s journey with grief, with holding Freddie’s estate, cannot have been easy. She has stayed largely out of the public eye since his passing, and has received the most arbitrary vitriol from fans who wouldn’t even know her if they passed her in the street. 

Let’s not forget that Freddie Mercury loved Mary Austin. He loved her enough to keep her by his side through his entire life, up until the day he died. He loved her enough to bequeath his estate to her, and to trust her with some of the most important decisions of his life. Whether or not we agree with her decision, can we not agree that she has probably spent a lot of time considering it? In fact, she’s had more than thirty years to think about how to handle his estate. Not only that, but she knew Freddie himself. She heard his voice every day of her life for many years. She probably still hears his voice in her head. Can’t we trust a woman whom Freddie obviously trusted so very much? 

If we don’t trust her, then can we at least respect her? Can we at least agree to disagree without hatred or vitriol? Having such an intense hatred against a 70 something year old woman—who has had to make some very difficult decisions very publicly—seems futile at best, and cruel at worst.

#freddie mercury #mary austin

[queen-thinky-thoughts]

A lot of good points. I don't even think everyone, or anyone, has to respect Mary at all. What gets me is the tendency in general online to vilify people who don't hate something or someone as much as they "should", as if hatred were a virtue.

There’s a lot of fandom excitement over Mary’s decision to auction off Freddie’s belongings. 

First of all, let's not forget that Freddie’s essence, his spirit, does not belong in material items. No cloth—whether worn next to his heart while it was beating with life, with verve, with zest—will ever contain his soul. No single possession, forged of bronze or glass or tapestry, is more important than the legacy Freddie Mercury left us through his music. 

Whoever ends up with his things won’t own Freddie Mercury any more than the teenager who listens to We Are the Champions through her headphones and feels alive, feels connected, feels the steady beating of her own heart in time with the drums. People who own priceless works of art are no more connected to the artist than those of us who stand in front of their paintings in museums (along with tens of other people), tears streaming down our faces. 

Should Mary have donated the items? Should she have given the items to Freddie’s relatives or friends? Maybe. It’s never easy to lose a loved one, a friend, a confidante, let alone if he was a public figure as grand as Freddie Mercury. Mary’s journey with grief, with holding Freddie’s estate, cannot have been easy. She has stayed largely out of the public eye since his passing, and has received the most arbitrary vitriol from fans who wouldn’t even know her if they passed her in the street. 

Let’s not forget that Freddie Mercury loved Mary Austin. He loved her enough to keep her by his side through his entire life, up until the day he died. He loved her enough to bequeath his estate to her, and to trust her with some of the most important decisions of his life. Whether or not we agree with her decision, can we not agree that she has probably spent a lot of time considering it? In fact, she’s had more than thirty years to think about how to handle his estate. Not only that, but she knew Freddie himself. She heard his voice every day of her life for many years. She probably still hears his voice in her head. Can’t we trust a woman whom Freddie obviously trusted so very much? 

If we don’t trust her, then can we at least respect her? Can we at least agree to disagree without hatred or vitriol? Having such an intense hatred against a 70 something year old woman—who has had to make some very difficult decisions very publicly—seems futile at best, and cruel at worst.

#mary austin #Freddie's estate #other people's meta

[queen-thinky-thoughts]

Also, it sometimes feels like people are tying themselves into knots to avoid acknowledging how much Freddie and Mary meant to each other, and how close they were. As if it takes away from how much Jim and Freddie meant to each other and how in love they were. Which it absolutely doesn't. Those are two very different relationships and they don't cancel each other out. This is real life we're talking about and not ship wars.

Having said that, there's two extremes really. People who are really into believing that Mary was the love of Freddie's life and people who barely acknowledge the important role she played in his life. I suppose those are the two sides of the spectrum. There's also a middle ground somewhere where people are chill about Mary, and chill about Freddie. That is a place I like, personally.

I hadn't seen the quote posted anywhere, and I thought it was quite a lovely one actually, so...

“For many years now, I have had the joy and privilege of living surrounded by all the wonderful things that Freddie sought out and so loved. But the years have passed, and the time has come for me to take the difficult decision to close this very special chapter in my life. It was important to me to do this in a way that I felt Freddie would have loved, and there was nothing he loved more than an auction. Freddie was an incredible and intelligent collector who showed us that there is beauty and fun and conversation to be found in everything; I hope this will be an opportunity to share all the many facets of Freddie, both public and private, and for the world to understand more about, and celebrate, his unique and beautiful spirit.

You see the spectrum of his taste. It's a very intelligent, sophisticated collection…I miss the fun, the humour, his warmth, his energy.”

Mary Austin

Honestly? It's true that Mary can't win no matter what she does.

Had she kept it all forever, she would have continued to be accused of being obsessed with Freddie and living in a shrine to him.

Had she given it all away to museums, she would have faced criticism along the lines of: Is that what Freddie would have wanted? He never wanted Garden Lodge to be a museum, would he have wanted all his things in a museum?

Had she just got rid of it, she would have been accused of absolute sacrilege.

She made a decision, and she chose a way to do this that she claims Freddie would have approved of. And you know what? I've thought about it, and I must admit I do think Freddie would have been very amused by the idea of some rich fans bidding on his mustache comb. I genuinely think he would have laughed himself silly.

#Mary Austin #Freddie Mercury #hmm

[queen-thinky-thoughts]

Not to lay blame at Freddie's door but his will was quite comprehensive. If he'd wanted his sister to have personal items, he would have bequeathed them. Fans seem to massively overestimate the relationship he had with his family ... the will speaks for itself.

Anyway, for all we know Mary HAS offered Kash - and Brian and Rog - some things. The "but Mary is hoarding everything like a greedy dragon!" line is just wild speculation at this point. None of the people involved are obligated to give us details about what they do or don't have.

None of the people involved are obligated to give us details about what they do or don't have.

Yes, I agree with this. I still don't really think that Mary offered anyone anything though (I can't know whether she did or not, it's just a feeling) but I also don't have the first clue who was left what by Freddie. I don't know about people overestimating Freddie's relationship with his family, either. I think people are generally aware he wasn't very close with his family, when it came to talking about his sexuality and private life, but he did actively want them in his life and he clearly did love them very much, and they him.

Look, I think Freddie specifically picked Mary for the large part of the inheritance for two reasons.

One, unlike Jim (who everyone must have assumed would die not long after Freddie, as the life-saving anti viral drug which added precious years to Jim's life wasn't available yet) Mary had a future and she had children, who also have a future, and I think Freddie always felt that it was his obligation to provide for her and them, given everything he and Mary had lived through. Of course this involved guilt, but it involved, I think, just as much genuine love and caring.

Two, I really think that he trusted her to be someone who could carry the burden of managing his estate. I don't think he wanted to leave Kashmira and his parents with that burden. Meanwhile Mary had, after all, already worked for him for some time and was more prepared to deal with it.

He did also leave his other loved ones plenty. I'm sure there were special items that went to Kashmira and his parents, I mean, there must have been. To what degree Kashmira, Brian or Roger, right now, are interested in having the things Mary is suctioning off, I really can't say. My best guess is that Brian might want some of those things, because he's a bit of a collector.

#Mary Austin #Freddie Mercury #Kashmira #Freddie's estate

[queen-thinky-thoughts]

Listen, I'm doing many, many hours of driving at the moment (I'm on tour) so I end up with a lot of thoughts because the mind tends to wander.

You're just going to have to put up with it.

What's the deal with Nevermore? I adore that song, just by the way. It's too short and I frequently have it on repeat, because it's stunning and so full of emotion. But it does make me wonder. Freddie wrote it while he was still with Mary, but it's such an emotionally charged song, I can't imagine that there was no emotional... trigger for it, you know?

Who was that trigger? Was it the mysterious Jack, who he confessed to being in love with sometimes in 73? (Still wondering if that was American Jack, their manager at the time, or not.) There is just this whole period of Freddie's life, before David, where he clearly had feelings for and probably affairs with men, and we know absolutely nothing about it!

Because when he got with David, he wasn't in experienced. It all goes back to that old question I've wondered about for a long time. How soon did he start getting with guys behind Mary's back? I imagine it must have been as soon as Queen started touring....

Wonder who broke his heart and prompted Nevermore. 💘

#Freddie Mercury #Nevermore