raymond-of-the-palms

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#reblogging there here bc lol #it's fitting

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Not very convincing, Zari & John

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#OMG happy birthday john

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Zari: *reaches for fries on John's plate*

John: *puts grocery divider between them*

Zari: you said you didn't take that from the store

John: and you said you didn't want fries, but here we are

#been a while since I've done one of these eh #legends of tomorrow #incorrect quotes #legends of tomorrow incorrect quotes #zari tarazi #john constantine #what in the world is their ship name #I've seen like 5 #hellstar #that's the only one I remember #starblazer #I have no idea what the source is #I just found this in my drafts with the tag 'post when new season is on' #so here we are #a week late

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Sara: Are you drunk?

John: No.

Sara: Can you tell the time?

John: Sure.

John [looking at clock]: I’m not fucking drunk.

#this is from forever ago but I'm just seeing it now and oh my goddddd #oh my g o d d d d

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*spends every Legends episode thinking about how Ray could've fit into the plot if he was still there*

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am I the only one who's like...not feeling this new season

I mean maybe it has something to do with how ray, zari (1.0), charlie, and john were my favorites and now 3/4 are gone

but idk it just feels so different now

#not tagging this bc I don't wanna start stuff

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I’m feeling both sick and very hungry over this one.

#I just said exactly this to my friend lol

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Sara: tell me about your ship

Gary: *starts monologuing about avalance*

Sara: the spaceship Gary

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#I forgot to post stuff last week

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hoping the scene doesn't come out in the next 5 hours because I have work 😭

#I don't wanna miss it #or get spoiled #I wanna be here when the action happens >:( #I have no idea what the timeline is on this thing lol #only heard about it today

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So, how we doing today folks?

#sCREAMING #I have awoken from my slumber #as I have only just remembered how much I ship this #omg

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#that last one is perfect

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every time and place the legends have ever been

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On his own show, John Constantine actually took off his coat at normal times, like when he was inside his house. But on Legends he literally never takes it off.

suspicious stains

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Ok but what are everyone else’s emojis in the emoji world.

THANK YOU FOR ASKING. much like the EMOJI MOVIE, which we all know will be having a sequel where all the legends are sucked into zari’s broken phone so let’s get down to beesnus

sara is the knife emoji 🔪

ava is the twinning emoji 👯‍♀️ which she does NOT find amusing. sara finds it very sexy but she can’t kiss ava without almost stabbing her!!! this is a crisis 

i want to do a running bit where ray is the clown emoji 🤡 and to him this is very cool and exciting but to everyone else they’re fucking TERRIFIED of him at all times and ray is like GUYS CLOWNS ARE FUN!!!!! and everyone is just SO upset by this

mona is the heart eyes emoji 😍

jax is the wrench emoji 🔧

nora is the witch emoji 🧙🏻‍♀️which she is nOT happy about bc the witch is an old lady and ray keeps being like aw i think youre cute and she keeps being like CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GET THIS CLOWN AWAY FROM ME

zari 1.0 is obviously. the donut emoji 🍩

mick gets stuck as the swearing emoji 🤬which is like, fitting, but it also means that everything he says is bleeped out even though he’s just like, trying to point out obvious solutions the team keeps missing BUT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HIM BECAUSE OF THE BLEEPING

amaya gets to be the t-rex emoji 🦖 and we are all EXTREMELY JEALOUS of how cool she gets to be while the rest of us are DOWN HERE doing STUPID SHIT like BEING A KNIFE

gary is naturally the unicorn emoji 🦄

astra was going to be the demon emoji but john took it before she could get it so now she’s the lipstick emoji (HINT HINT) 💄

midway through the movie ray is very sad bc everyone is afraid of him so he asks the emoji queen (zari 2.0) to change him and he does become the eggplant emoji 🍆. in the next scene he’s the clown again 🤡 and no one comments on it

guys there have been so many people on this team let’s just go with this for now 

#this is one of the best things I have ever seen #in my life #like #please sell this to the writers I need to see this happen #oh my god

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Do you think John gets annoyed/jealous of Zari’s phone? Maybe he takes it away from her like she does his cigarettes when he wants attention...

Okay john absolutely once.... ONCE decided it would be funny to like playfully slap zari’s phone out of her hands because emotionally he is 11 and it fucking fell and it CRACKED and he was like I THOUGHT YOU HAD A BETTER PHONE CASE and she’s like LITERALLY. LITERALLY. YOURE OFF THE TEAM. PACK YOUR BAGS YOU ARE NO LONGER A LEGEND. and he’s like,,,,, can she do that?? can she make that decision??? and everyone else is like listen we’re not going to stop her do you see how mad she is

okay but so john is like dont worry. i can fix it. i can FIX this. and behrad is like is there magic for fixing.... an iphone?? and john is like no but i’m gonna make it up and behrad is like oh good so this is going to be a nightmare got it

charlie is probably there watching john try to enchant this phone to rub in the fact that she’s never broken zari’s phone and john has to be a real numbskull to figure it out and john is like you are NOT helping and charlie is like i didn’t say i was here to help??? i’m only here to gloat at you. please don’t mistake that for helping.

SO john repairs zari’s phonescreen and he’s like HA! good as new. look at it charlie. LOOK AT IT. and charlie is like well. can’t wait to see how this one manages to almost kill us and john is like THAT IS NOT THE ATTITUDE WE ARE GOING TO HAVE HERE

he knocks on zari’s door and she’s like covered all of her mirrors is wearing a long black veil is sitting shiva which is something ray taught her like 15 minutes ago sINCE ITS NOT LIKE SHE COULD LOOK IT UP ON HER PHONE!!!!! YOU ASS!!! and like john is like you’re muslim and zari is like I AM EMOTIONALLY DESTROYED and john is like well you don’t have to be because I FIXED YOUR PHONE charlie with flourish behind him saying ta da and waving her hands

zari like gently lifting her veil to be like well i guess if you fixed it... turns it on and is immediately sucked into the EMOJI MOVIE universe. and charlie is like yeah that was definitely one of the things i thought might happen and john is like SHUT UP WE’RE GOING INTO THE PHONE

anyway zari is the princess emoji 👸🏽 charlie is the nb supervillain emoji bc it’s sick af 🦹🏾 and john gets stuck being the devil emoji 😈

now of course because this is the EMOJI MOVIE universe everyone’s character becomes super 1-dimensional and charlie and john keep trying to do crime before remembering they’re looking for zari and they’re not actually evil (even though evil is sexy) they’re just very cool evil emojis so they keep like, getting closer to the castle emoji 🏰 and then like stealing 🍭 from a 👶🏼 and OH GOD ITS GETTING WORSE

eventually nate and behrad show up because they’re like sara assumed when you tried to fix zari’s phone you instead created a portal because you are Like That and john is like YOU KNOW WHAT. that’s fair i guess.

also nate is the bicep emoji 💪🏻 and behrad is this rainbow 🌈

listen i’ve never seen the EMOJI MOVIE. i’ve only heard the flop house live episode about the emoji movie. also inexplicably, the director of the film is gay, and did say the film was a metaphor for gay rights, i mean, i GUESS, but anyway, they all have to stop zari’s royal wedding to the prince emoji 🤴🏻 (plot point he’s been looking for his princess!!!) but also they all hate the emoji world. so fucking much. charlie is like maybe john and i are evil in this universe... but maybe they all deserve it. nate as the bicep emoji and behrad as the rainbow emoji looking at each other and going well that’s fair

anyway blah blah weird emoji action sequence we rescue zari and turn the 🏰 into 🔥 and we all get kicked out of the EMOJI MOVIE back into the real world and once the last person (behrad) is tossed out zari’s phone cracks again and zari picking up her veil off of the floor and throwing it back on EVERYONE OUT OF MY ROOM NOW!!! NOW!!!!!!!

okay well john and charlie come back and john is like like hey. we pooled our resources, and we bought you a new phone. and zari is like you guys stole it didn’t you. and john is like we made a deal with mick, the conditions of which can never be revealed, but on his end he did steal you this phone yeah. and zari is like well okay good enough i guess 

anyway zari gives john a kiss and then she gives charlie a kiss and john is like well so did you learn anything? without your phone? and zari is like no absolutely not i actively refuse to interact with anything if i don’t have my phone and charlie and john are like but we did have a dramatic adventure!!! one that could end in sex, maybe?? and zari is like no i have to set up my new phone later nerds shuts the door to her room and they’re like well. i don’t know what we expected

#this is the funniest thing I've ever read #I sincerely hope the LoT writers see this and make it an episode because oh my god