sassafrassrex

[sassafrassrex]

elon musk had a third child with grimes that he kept secret until the release of his biography. he named it techno mechanicus

#wait what

[sassafrassrex]

Tolkien started rewriting the Hobbit in the style of LotR, but what I really want is the Silmarillion in the style of the Hobbit. 

#glorious #hobbit #silmarillion #lots

[sassafrassrex]

#strange customs take much focus #for lil beeb #humans

[sassafrassrex]

No, Mr. Horse, don’t worry, I certainly don’t have a Plinko down here! What I do have is this lovely cask of wine, specifically for horses, Amontillado in fact! Exquisite vintage.

I know you’re not supposed to be in this hospital, but if you’ll just follow me down this corridor—no, that’s not blood on the floor, it’s color theory, I’ll explain it later—I can bring you to this cask of wine that is certainly NOT a plinko machine—

#tumblr!! #beautiful hellsite #semester

[sassafrassrex]

25-35 is such a weird fucking age because you’re 100% a bread-and-butter Standard Edition Millennial but the cool teens are like “ok boomer” because you have a Real Job but the actual Boomers at your job are like “I’m not going to listen to a literal fucking child” as they download 16 self-replicating viruses and meanwhile the Gen Xers are telling you to refinance a mortgage for a house you don’t have and you’re sitting there at the Adults Table with the pretty tasty casserole you cooked because you’ve finally figured out how to do that now but everyone is eating the Boomer’s store-bought macaroni instead and admittedly they do sort of taste similar so it probably wasn’t worth all the trouble of cooking from scratch and you’re trying to comfort the freshly-graduated sobbing 22-year-old next to you because she just woke up here and doesn’t know where she is but you have like maybe 5k dollars in a savings account labelled RETIREMENT that grows approx. twelve cents a year and you keep eating dry macaroni while smiling incomprehensibly and periodically blacking out like ??????????

#both versions are accurate #also: free blocklist in the replies of every bitchbaby who doesn't know what either a 403b or a 401k is and apparently think #that that (perfectly excusable) lack of knowledge is reason to be a (100% inexcusable) nasty little twat

[sassafrassrex]

so my family went to the tulip fields and my little sister didn’t have a good time at all

#flora

[sassafrassrex]

okay americans i gotta ask because as an European i grew up with lots of american shows and cartoons and in a lot of them there was an episode where they give the protags a doll or an egg or a bag of flour or whatever and told them pretend to be its parents or something

#accidently clicked the first option! meant to click the second! #I was one of the 2 unlucky people in class who got assigned triplets #triplet eggs! #i count myself lucky I was at least allowed to carry all 3 of them around in a single basket 🙄 #polls

[sassafrassrex]

sunsets after 7pm now !!!!!!!!!!! we made it guys !!!!!!!!!!!!

#we made it we made it!! 😊😊😊

[sassafrassrex]

#*snort #games

[sassafrassrex]

IG : @emperorofmischief

#adorable #fauna #rats

[sassafrassrex]

which is definitely not an omen

#FREEEEDOMM #fauna #ponies #London had it coming

[sassafrassrex]

Wunking and entering

#look do you think he's wearing a bell because he WANTS to be ignored?? #y'all had a chance to acknowledge him and let him in the easy way but noooooo #fauna #ponies #thanks for the tag!

[sassafrassrex]

I laughed so fucking hard at this

[sassafrassrex]

Does anyone remeber when the earth use to be our medicine

#nope #pretty sure most of the people who still use it as such are dead from fulminant liver failure

[sassafrassrex]

i hate my linear algebra textbook.

#I would have killed for a textbook with one percent as much humor -_-

[sassafrassrex]

#idk about y'all but #as relatively tough as my fingernails are (and they are. I'm lucky like that) #the skin of my palms is *way* beyond them #I'd have a handful of broken nails

[sassafrassrex]

#^^^ #this this this