shitgoblindingleberry

[shitgoblindingleberry]

Sillies ft. Ivan's pet alien 💫

#IVAN LOOKS SO CUTE STOP IT #alien stage #alnst

[shitgoblindingleberry]

Goodnight

#somebody let these guys hug #alien stage #alnst

[shitgoblindingleberry]

I am destroyed over the whole god/worshipper dynamic and have no idea how to adequately put it into words.

I mentioned in another post that Mizi could not fathom Sua ACTUALLY dying, or comprehend what death really meant, and attributed this to her relatively comfortable and sheltered life as the pet of Shine. She was not taught to conceptualise death as a loss, and she never faced any opposition to that world view. From what we know, she might have never really known true, lasting pain or loss before the end of Round 1.

However, her reaction could also be due to her placing Sua on a pedestal as her personal god and universe. She viewed Sua as her absolute everything, and why would any faithful worshipper believe their god could be killed? Only, while Sua was everything to HER, that perception did not carry over to their captors. Mizi's love and devotion was not enough to save Sua. Forces stronger than them both took her away like she was nothing.

How must Mizi have felt, having her perception of Sua as the centre of the universe shattered that way? Coming to the violent realisation that Sua was just another human, and that humans are indeed that vulnerable and disposable? That Sua could now only exist in memories and in the visions that haunt her? That Sua is not a god, but a ghost?

Now we look at Till's perception of Mizi. Again, in an earlier post I mentioned the tragedy of Till falling for someone who did not have a reason to leave. He had a lot of blind faith in Mizi, and it could be said that he idealised her as a paragon.

It's not hard to see how he reached this point. The poor kid had not been shown a lot of kindness in his life, and so meeting someone who was genuinely good and so full of joy must have had a huge impact on him.

However, his faith is still a blind one, but in a different way to Mizi's blind faith in Sua. He is happy to endure any amount of horrible treatment and does not expect anyone to help him. He doesn't resent Mizi for being so close to their captors, for her dreams stopping at Alien Stage. He doesn't resent her after he gives up on his chance at freedom and is subjected to who knows how many more years of pain and torment at the hands of their captors (Not that Mizi is at fault, Till made his own decision that Mizi likely never even knew about).

He sees Mizi's innocence and ignorance to the cruelty of their reality as something wonderful instead of a character flaw that prevents her from saving herself or her loved ones.

Sua has the same issue, seeking comfort and bliss within Mizi's brightness instead of acknowledging the cruel reality of their world. Maybe she felt sharing her perspective with Mizi would dim Mizi's bright spirit, and so she was more than content to wait out the clock with her god.

Maybe Sua felt that meeting Mizi, loving her and being loved by her in return, was nothing short of a miracle after the life she had lived before Anakt Garden. Maybe she felt in light of that, aspiring for something like freedom or a long, long life of happiness with the person she loved the most was asking far too much. The time she got with Mizi was already a miracle, why expect or demand anything more?

If Sua was afraid of Mizi losing her brightness, no wonder she was so affected by Ivan's lecture about becoming a source of trauma for Mizi after her death.

Ivan's view of Till as his god is a bit different. He is similar in that he doesnt seem to demand his devotion be reciprocated, he just wants his god to acknowledge him as a person, as someone that is at least PART of Till's universe, if he can't be all of it.

He is also very willing to become a martyr for his god while expecting nothing in return but Till continuing to live. He acknowledges Till as vulnerable and falable in a way that Till doesn't with Mizi, and Mizi didn't with Sua. He knows damn well that while Till is the centre of HIS universe, their captors certainly do not hold Till in that same regard. He knows that love and devotion in a vacuum does not save anyone.

Which is why he was always the one to free Till, to try and escape with him, and why he pulled the stunt he did in Round 6. Ivan knew that actually making an impact in this world required personal risk and sacrifice, because their captors don't give a fuck if you're in love or if that other pet-human they're about to kill means everything to you.

Till knew this too, but his idealised version of Mizi is too perfect to be broken and beaten down by this world the same way the rest of them have been. So he's still shattered by Round 5, seeing how far Mizi has fallen and then not knowing if she's alive or dead, but knowing for sure she is far out of reach. I wonder, did he regret not running away with Ivan at that point? Did he wonder what all those years of suffering were for, if he was just going to end up losing Mizi anyway? If this world was able to break her too, no matter what he did?

Mizi is gone and changed forever, and nothing he did could stop it. His love and devotion and sacrifice wasn't enough. He failed his god.

In Round 6, Ivan is faced with the same thing. His god has lost his fighting spirit, is changed forever, and Ivan's love and devotion wasn't enough to save him. The last thing he can give is his life, and hope that will be enough. Just like Sua. But he was never Till's god, was never even part of his universe, he probably won't even leave a ghost behind. So, the choice is obvious, really.

They're all so desperate for hope and connection in this lonely, painful existence that they make a person their entire universe, and then are repeatedly crushed when they are shown again and again that their soul-consuming love for one another is seemingly meaningless in a world that views them as infinitely disposable.

#reading any alnst analysis is like digging my own grave #jesus #this hit bro #me and my idolization tendencies would fit right in with these losers #haha losers get it cause half of them lost the competition and the other two lost their god #haha #:’) #mizi lost her god and the foundation of her whole worldview #sua lost her life and the future of love she couldn’t help but wish for #till lost his god and the only human connection he ever made #ivan. oh ivan. you didn’t lose anything but your life because you never believed you had any love that was yours to begin with #alnst #alien stage

[shitgoblindingleberry]

if i had a nickel for everytime ive gotten deeply emotionally invested in a quasi-immortal character who has existed long enough to become bored with life itself until they meet one (1) man who interests them and brings the enjoyment back to their life (as well as an adjacent third party himbo who worries that the bored one is taking advantage of the guy/simply playing with him and thus tries to interfere) i would have two nickels.

which isnt a lot. but it’s weird that it’s happened twice.

#sung hyunjae #han yoojin #song taewon #respectively #tsctir #the s classes that i raised #i dont even want to tag the second one #so ill just leave that open to interpretation #(kuya)

[shitgoblindingleberry]

Something something Ivan wants Till to look at him.

Something something Till was the first to saw Ivan.

Something something Ivan didn't see Till hesitate

Something something Ivan only allows himself to show his feelings only when Till has his eyes close

Something something eye experiment

Something something matching red dot

Something something the first and final time he see Ivan he can only watch

Something something eyes and Ivantill. Seeing and not seeing

#every post about them makes me progressively more mentally ill #i need to stop getting emotionally attached to characters doomed to die #and forever be unhappy #guh #alnst #alien stage

[shitgoblindingleberry]

👍

#theyre such losers #i’m in love with them #orv #omniscient reader's viewpoint

[shitgoblindingleberry]

longing stare

#alnst #alien stage #ivan #till #wahhh this artstyle eats

[shitgoblindingleberry]

Prompt: After Round 6, Till realizes that he has nothing from Mizi or Ivan, so he keeps Ivan’s coat on his shoulders and scribbles it over with black and red spray paint in the same fashion he did with his t-shirt. By the time Round 7 starts, Till walks up on stage wearing the coat like a cape and the crowd goes wild because oh shit, he keeps trophies of the people he beats. In reality, Till just wants something resembling a connection to Ivan and if anybody so much as touches the coat he will bite and growl like a wild animal.

The resistance saves Till, and Mizi notices that the coat hasn’t been washed since Round 6. It still has dried, bloody holes from where Ivan got shot. Till begrudgingly allows her to wash it.

Later, he’d stitch up the holes and use the coat as a canvas. He’d draw on it several times. At some point he would add a depiction of a meteor shower.

#holy hell dude #i started crying #alien stage

[shitgoblindingleberry]

Part 1 and 2 of a IvanTill slow burn Actor Au that I churned out to Cope haha. Actor! Luka is close to Ivan and tries to be his wingman to get him with Actor! Till. ദ്ദി ( ᵔ ᗜ ᵔ ) (side note: Hyuna secretly being a huge fan of the idol group Ivan and Luka were in, and shipping them...)

#alnst actor au #look nobody died #:D

[shitgoblindingleberry]

GUYS GUYS

DO YOU THINK THE REASON TILL DOESN'T LOOK AT IVAN IS BECAUSE HE'S ASHAMED OF HIMSELF?

BECAUSE HE RAN AWAY THAT NIGHT? Was he shocked to see Ivan back at Anakt Garden? Did he think he'd just leave without him? Did he put two and two together and realized Ivan gave up his freedom for him?

Does he feel guilt every time he sees Ivan? Does he know how miserable Ivan is? Does he think he's the source of his torment? That Ivan deserves someone who actually loves him? All the while never even thinking of applying said notion to himself?

GUYS DO YOU THINK-

#TILL THOUGHT HE WAS DOING SOMETHING SELFLESS #he’ll leave and be safe #ILL stay here to look after mizi #AND THEN HE WAS BACK THE NEXT DAY AND SUDDENLY THE GUILT COMES CRASHING DOWN #HE DIDNT THINK ABOUT HOW IVAN’S TIE TO THE STAGE IS *HIM* #SO OFC HE WOULD NEVER LEAVE WITHOUT HIM #he didnt think of the implications #thats rule number one baby #alien stage #i think if till KNEW he wouldn’t leave without him he might’ve been more torn about going back #he probably would have followed ivan out until the last second and try to push him to get out without him #they both have self sacrificial tendencies #it was a competition to see who would realize the opportunity to do it first

[shitgoblindingleberry]

what do u know abt yearning if ur name is not ivan from alien stage

#IT HURTS TO BE SOMETHING #ITS WORSE TO BE NOTHING??? #THIS IS LITERALLY IVAN #guh #i cant do it #alien stage #alnst till #alnst ivan #laufey you mf why would you write this song when it hurts me so

[shitgoblindingleberry]

Sillies <3

#and he does it so much to get on till’s nerves that it turns into an actual habit #his thumb has a near permanent indent on it from his snaggle tooth #alien stage #alnst ivan

[shitgoblindingleberry]

if vivinos won't animate them happy, i will 🤧

#ME WHEN TILL IS THE ONE INITIATING AFFECTION #:( #sigh #alien stage

[shitgoblindingleberry]

that ivan loves till is the most obvious thing about them

but. does ivan know that…?

the ivan that regards his own feelings as shallow, the ivan that learned how emotions are expressed only from copying others… does he even know that the love he’s felt for so long is love? probably not. and part of the reason is the one he loves himself

because the easiest example he has of love is till's feelings to mizi. till outright calls it love, and ivan watches him so much he has to be aware of this and till’s love to mizi is totally unselfish, right. he doesn’t seem to actually want much from her—just that she's still there and still "mizi"

but ivan can't be satisfied with just watching he… wants. ivan wants till’s attention, till’s affection—

surely this selfish wanting can’t be love

...no wonder he was never able to express his feelings straightforwardly when he belittles them so much but he can’t stand not having anything either, so he does… whatever he does instead to get any scraps of attention he can, from someone he's convinced doesn't care about him at all only showing affection when till can't see it, right until he knows he's going to die

but ivan's feelings for till are all he still has of himself... to think of them as shallow...

I've seen this translated as "I should've been kinder" to him (till) or to her (sua)

but really, the one he should've been kinder to was himself

#NOOOO #ivan really got the short end of the stick here #not knowing how to act so you mimic others but the only examples to follow are more fucked up than you are #and GOD #till was not a good example to follow because his love for mizi wasn’t exactly love #he never expected anything from her in return because that wasn’t what he needed #he needed an idol #a reason to live #which isn’t love #he ‘loved’ because he would fall apart if he didn’t #meanwhile if ivan compares HIS feelings to that sort of feeling #all he’ll be left with is guilt #because how selfish is he that he loves with the irrepressible hope that maybe he’ll get something back #he doesn’t expect it. #no #he knows that’s not how that works #but he can’t help but wish that maybe. just maybe. till loves him back #because ivan fell for TILL. he fell for who he is #till fell in love with the idea of mizi #and with the nature of ivan’s feelings he will never be satisfied with just watching like till is #he selfishly wants to be involved in his life #to be able to care for him from his side #but he’s become satisfied with being UNsatisfied #if that makes sense #because he doesn’t EXPECT anything back #but he really wishes that it would happen #even if he knows that’s impossible

[shitgoblindingleberry]

OKAY CAUSE LISTEN. (till character analysis let’s go) (apologies in advance this is LONGG)

if till is actually in love with mizi then there is literally no outcome in which him and ivan are happy.

because 1) he’ll never love ivan as long as mizi is alive, and 2) even if he thinks mizi is dead, ivan will only ever be a rebound, the second choice he turned to when mizi wasn’t an option.

however, i would like for you to consider that maybe, instead, the problem is that till doesn’t know how to properly process or identify his feelings. i would like to propose that maybe he misinterpreted his feelings for mizi as love when in actuality he views her as some unattainable idol to covet but not actually connect with (like parasocial relationships).

meanwhile, ivan was always there for him and slowly became a support system till didn’t even know he had. because even if he didnt feel LOVE for ivan, they definitely had a REAL relationship—arguably more real than anything he ever had with mizi. all of their interactions are just like. much more RAW than anything till ever had with mizi if that makes sense. because all we’ve ever seen him doing with her is admiring from afar and sacrificing things for her in secret that she never asked for, nor wanted from him. while with ivan they actually hung out with absolutely no expectations of anything between them (on till’s side at least. it wasn’t a performative relationship to be this self sacrificing person for ivan like it would’ve been if he were talking to mizi. which is ironically a much more healthy basis for a relationship. to fully see the person as being equal to you without putting them on a pedestal)

i think till’s way of coping with everything was finding someone else outside himself to live for and idolize. his entire life was built around mizi, every choice he made committed with her in mind (like when he chose to stay in the garden rather than escaping for her sake). and once she’s ripped away, he’s left feeling empty and aimless—the center of his very world is no longer there.

HOWEVER.

this is shaken by ivan’s death. even though mizi was always his center, he can’t exactly not be affected by someone who’s been at his side for YEARS. and, unlike with mizi, their bond was definitely real and very much tangible for BOTH sides (despite meaning different things for each of them). but when ivan died FOR him, till felt something that was very real and very confusing which was very much a mixture of raw emotions he wasn't prepared to face feeling from anyone apart from mizi. because while mizi is his ideal, i think his feelings about her were always accompanied by a sense of disconnect because they didnt have any actual basis for this bond beyond till simply yearning for her. but with ivan. they were friends. they trusted each other by this point, and ivan has shown that he cares for till REPEATEDLY throughout them knowing each other. and.

i think till subconsciously acknowledged that ivan was important to him, even if just as a background support in his life. someone he hung out with without thinking about it too much. and i think that sense of care came very gradually too. because ivan is a weird mf but he still managed to worm his way into till’s world, and now he’s a staple there, even if till himself isn’t aware of that.

mainly just my vibe here is that his feelings surrounding ivan are very messy and complicated (as real life emotions tend to be) and that wasn’t what till was looking for when he was younger. he needed something stable, something he could look at and idolize from afar. something he could dedicate his messed up life to without having to worry about other complicated feelings. and that was what mizi was to him. a purpose to live that was unchanging because no matter what till himself did or what happened to him, it didn’t affect HER. and that was comforting. but ivan existed outside of his little ideal. and he was a real person who (unfortunately :/ ) made till feel real things that were outside of his control. which wasnt what he needed when he was younger—he needed stability. but i think in the end he had the most chance of an actual developed, healthy, and consistent relationship with ivan.

that is, if bro wasnt dead 🙏🙏🕊🕊

#IM CRYING #WHAT THE FUCK DUDE #(lovingly) #(not derogatory) #god theyre all so tragic #nobody in alnst will ever get a win #and bro the grieving artist potential with till absolutely kills me #wdym he’ll try to draw ivan but he can’t get it right because he never really SAW him #until it was too late #every smile he draws is tainted by the memory of one stained with blood #cause that was the first time he really looked at him and knew it meant something #GAH #future ​mizi and till (if they get out. PLEASE GOD) being an old married couple but not romantically it’s just that #they are the only ones who understand each other #and they each lived (and loved) through hell #sometimes they’ll just sit quietly looking at the stars in solidarity while thinking of the people who loved them #yk #are u picking up what i’m putting down #there’s a certain comfort in knowing someone understands you without having to explain it #because they were right there with you living it too

[shitgoblindingleberry]

Cheer up......

#jesus christ #this is canon because i said so #the words cheer up will NEVER be the same to me #alien stage #ivantill #alnst #alnst ivan #alnst till

[shitgoblindingleberry]

In another life…

#they are so cute im going to scream #alien stage #alnst