spicyicyricy

[spicyicyricy]

Fear Factory - Replica

#music

[spicyicyricy]

im gonna be a cat dad im so excited

#ok more like a cat... brother I guess? #it doesnt matter. im gonna be taking care of a cat soon. #ive been wanting a pet for so fucking long but. couldnt because of a certain abusive presence. #but anyway im gonna be a cat dad and I cannot fucking waitttttttt #im already looking into diet and litter boxes and shit to make sure we keep them real healthy and happy #the funny thing is that theyre a spotted kitten. theyre a bengal. #so like im basically gonna be a cheetah dad like ive always been destined to be lmao

[spicyicyricy]

#subtitles #mindfulness

[spicyicyricy]

finally made a sideblog for video game stuff: @massaffectt

#not sure if ill use that one for personal stuff too yet. #just video game venting for now lol

[spicyicyricy]

emotional and psychological intelligence is so attractive to me.

#was just sitting here earlier in the night thinking about how my boo is just. the whole package. for real. #I’ve liked and loved so many emotionally immature and unavailable people #and been hurt so much by trying to forgive them and understand them #instead of realizing they weren’t safe for me and they weren’t going to change #and a lot of times they’re not even ready to take accountability for their actions #like to the point that they *have* to avoid it or be in denial and shift blame and whatever else #only one or two haven’t been this way #but this godsend of a person just fits with me so fucking well #it’s not about liking the same music or being outdoors or being creative types #its really just about values and a lot of ours align. and its just. really nice having that with someone. #smiley

[spicyicyricy]

"every time you can't face yourself, you blame it on me."

#jim @ his mom in rebel without a cause #but also. me @ all the people who try to shift blame to me #even when I've already taken accountability for my actions and made the effort to apologize adjust change and do better #you didnt make the effort. the only thing you did was create a lie to make yourself believe you did nothing wrong. #like ive said im focused more on me lately but.... #multiple people did this to me at all in a short period of time and I think theres a bit of resentment lingering #best part is though that I have no doubt in my mind I will heal and grow from this too. I think I mostly have though. #but having that trust in myself is the most beautiful thing and it makes life feel so... peaceful.

[spicyicyricy]

.

#the way I keep saying im gonna clean my blog up and then start posting again but then dont lmao #once things settle down a bit in the next week or so I should have some time to get back to it #anddd gonna start a side blog too for video game stuff and the venting posts lol

[spicyicyricy]

social media really got people confused.

if your partner could see all your social media activity would they be happy? if they were doing the things you're doing or did, would you be happy?

if not, then you cheated. its that simple. you dont have to fuck someone or kiss someone to cheat. if youre stalking someone's socials everyday all day that's cheating lmao. you are emotionally attached to that person and giving them your energy and probably lying about it. obviously it depends what kind of relationship youre in but if youre putting on some performance of commitment and loyalty and true love etc and then youre really out here being attached to someone else especially if its a secret, you cheated. and that can also be fine like relationships can heal and all but if you keep that shit a secret that is not cool at all. imo you deserve to lose that relationship if the truth comes out.

even when it comes to likes, what’s the intention there? because some people say it’s harmless and it can be, but the reality is that a lot of times you’re subconsciously baiting people and seeing what happens. that’s why I’m not cool with seeing people sending likes and heart eyes on selfies when they’re in a relationship with someone I care about.

#on one hand I really care less and less about what other people do in terms of being judgmental #I dont wanna be about that anymore. im really focusing on what im doing and what I want to do and just giving myself and others curiosity. #but I have been the person people cheated with a few times and its just wild to me #whether its a whole ass relationship you put me in without me knowing #or you being attached to me and stalking my socials and stringing me along #its happened multiple times to me im like maybe im attracting people who do this lmaoo #like I get why people do these things but it amazes me because any cheating outside of kink/fantasy repulses me #moreover im responsible enough to chose to not do it or bring it near me. I shut it down. I friendzone people. #I avoid people who I know are interested in me. #im not saying you have to do all that and not ever relationship needs that and im not perfect but I am extremely loyal #but mfs be talking about true love and have dates in their bios and shit #and then be cheating on that same account lol #open your eyes and ask yourself why you are doing this and what youd rather be doing

[spicyicyricy]

I would love to get back to posting and I will soon but my life has been so hectic in the best ways. just been super busy and when im not busy im relaxing with some games and my boo. just quite literally dont have time for much else. haven't really been on any socials at all.

#the way its all coming together is just *chef's kiss* #ive been working so hard for so long trying to pull myself out of this black hole #just feels rewarding to have tangible proof of what im capable of and the change and growth ive accomplished #anyway next game is far cry 5 #im getting the most out of my free time lol its limited plus theres so much good shit on gamepass right now #also shout out to my boo and us being each other's only real constant lately. I like that we can be that for each other. #I love me someone who can be consistent even if we were just friends.

[spicyicyricy]

anyway ill be back to posting regular soon. I really have been doing amazing lately but it's nice to just kinda post and release that kinda stuff. and I've just been super busy, lots of incredible wonderful big life changes happening! plus I have a few new usernames in mind, not sure which ill go with quite yet.

#hope y'all been well! ☺️ #its wild because this time last year I was... TRIGGER WARNING. literally the closest ive ever been to like. not living anymore. #I was so scared and in so much incredible pain and trying so hard. and now I cant even remember the last time I felt that way. #like even when my ex ghosted I was a mess but I was like... huh i actually want to keep living and thriving #and I just keep choosing that. keep choosing love. keep choosing joy. keep choosing life. #its really been fucking great im so happy. #the only thing in my life that sucks right now is I havent heard from my closest friend in a while #but he didnt ghost its just. we talked on kik and kik fucking broke. #I know of a way I might be able to contact him but man. I miss him. #he is one of if not *the* greatest friend ive ever made. one of the best people ive ever met. #he's the closest friend ive had the last few years. he was there with me through it all. #anyway thats a whole separate essay lmao. I love that guy.

[spicyicyricy]

In the past few months I was ghosted by a few people and I should have known were going to ghost because of their repeated avoidant behavior and general inability to be vulnerable. It sucks for me because obviously it hurts to be ghosted, but it also sucks for them because they’re living a life in which they’re are not equipped with the tools they need to feel safe facing certain situations. A lot of times (but not always) people who ghost are deeply scared people without the trust they need in themselves to be brave. I’m not trying to say this with judgement, just explaining what I've experienced and learned about the psychology of it. It’s fear and avoidance. There can be many specific reasons and a lot of context but the root of it is running away from a situation.

Being ghosted is not a reflection of your worth. It hurts, let it hurt. That’s okay. But this is really about the mental state and inner world of the ghoster rather than you. Yes, you *may* (possibly, perchance) have participated in the reason for their ghosting, but at the end of the day they still chose the option of someone who isn’t emotionally mature nor available. That's not on you. Ghosting can only happen when there is insecurity and immaturity. As time passes you’ll see you are better off. In some cases, you might have even dodged a bullet. Because as much as people can absolutely change, many waste their whole life being this kind of person. They don’t know how to take accountability for their actions and they do whatever they want and make up excuses and bullshit in order to try and defend themselves. But there is no excuse. It’s like when a child says they hit their sibling because they took their toy or something. It’s not a valid reason for hitting. You can understand why they did it, doesn’t make it acceptable.

There is a reason, but there is no excuse.

(also if you're someone who has ghosted someone else I'm not trying to be hateful or judge you. a lot of this is just generalizations or things ive observed about people in my life. it is understandable why you would have ghosted, I'm just saying its not not okay. and I hope you get to a place where you can take accountability and choose better next time because you are totally capable of that and you're worth making better decisions for yourself and those around you.)

#I’m ngl though... in this case... I’m not really all that upset… and like. been extremely highkey thriving since this all happened. #like it hurt but I was already planning to let them know that I’d be distancing myself from them #there were good memories and theyre beautiful people. #but at the end of the day I just cannot repeatedly hurt myself because youre not capable of... whatever. #also bruh with the one person he literally was like if you send anyone this conversation theyll see how terrible youre being to me #I literally did save the conversation and sent it to multiple people and they were all genuinely scared for my wellbeing lmao #he was literally shaming me about being fucked up about my ex ghosting. #and somehow my ex has literally made the effort to apologize for it while this friend is just mad I didnt want to fuck him #like why cant people just go to therapy. I know he has the money and time for it. #I think when people need therapy and wont go theyre just so deeply insecure and scared that their ego is attached to who they think they ar #and the idea of therapy is like. theyre gonna have to face who they *actually* are and change into who they want to be #and all that is horrifying to them so theyre like nah I dont need therapy #you do. most people do. youre not some special exception lol. #I will say I dont know if it works for everyone but most people could benefit from it #hell im not even in therapy but I have done the work and I cannot explain how much my life has changed #I truly am a better person a more loving person. im better at how I love and how much I give. and I just feel more joyous and at peace #and I know myself better and im braver and more truthful etc etc #im excited to do it forreal once I have the money. soon actually.

[spicyicyricy]

#this is how they make you the villain in their delusional story #meanwhile anyone who IS emotionally available can see the real you easily #I mean damn a lot of the time these people don’t even really know themselves #and they say they’re misunderstood or they no one really knows them #but it’s a projection because they don’t know themselves and don’t know how to safely express themselves #so how they act doesn’t match with who they think they are #the sooner you take accountability for your actions and get clear on how you want to act the more likely people will start to understand you #but people get so defensive and claim you don’t know them when you know them better than they know themselves #like when you can see someone is in denial and they cant #if someone can’t even understand themselves. that’s the lens they’re looking through at you. #anyway that’s honestly for a separate post I can’t explain it all here. #just sometimes feels like these emotionally unavailable people are all the same #destructive and ignorant and take zero accountability and then run away bc they’re a coward who can’t face anything remotely difficult #and I’ll always admit people are just tired so we’re all more avoidant than usual but I’m not tryna excuse someone’s harmful behavior #you’re an adult not a child. take responsibility for your actions. #and if you’re in your 30s and ghosting people. yikes. #I had two different 30 year olds ghost me after doing immature bullshit lmao #meanwhile my 23 year old ex is trying to make the effort to genuinely apologize for their actions. Wild. #it’s frustrating always having understanding and compassion for people while also being frustrated when people can’t help but be harmful #I can’t just see it one way or the other. there’s always a reason a person is the way they are. #we just need to do better at responsibility but also supporting each other.

[spicyicyricy]

Dolly Parton

#dolly parton #musicians #bw #retro #bae

[spicyicyricy]

source: cottagecore magazine

#date night #travel

[spicyicyricy]

#akira #poster design #prints #design #aes #savor #fav

[spicyicyricy]

they’re not mysterious they just have poor communication skills

#this holy shit lmao

[spicyicyricy]

Appaloosa Horse

#nature #animals #horses #texture