stressy-depressy-bigfat-messy

[stressy-depressy-bigfat-messy]

Omfg I need an Ana buddy, I need a girl to fast with and shi

Need a girl to help motivate and keep me on track 🤧

[stressy-depressy-bigfat-messy]

Me going about my day normally

My brain: Damn, you should kill yourself

[stressy-depressy-bigfat-messy]

i want to fast till i feel like fainting

[stressy-depressy-bigfat-messy]

I have a beautiful thin figure under this fat.

I will make the fat disappear.

I have a beautiful thin figure under this fat.

I will make the fat disappear

[stressy-depressy-bigfat-messy]

Where are all my adult anas?

It's a different world stepping into Eds shoes again half way through life.

I don't have to worry about my parents getting mad at me

I don't have to worry about my school teachers getting mad at me

I don't have the typical teenage drama that spurred this mentality shift

I remember Ed being a call a shout for help just to be seen and cared for as a teenager. But now no one sees me, I have no watchful eyes on me. No one whispering under their breath, no parents staring at me across the dinner table as I play with a half eaten plate, no boy trouble or pubescent drama fueled by hormonal rage and indifference. I'm not doing this to impress the boy I like or try to fit in with the popular kids.

I am invisible

Except from myself.

I'm in a strange state of visible translucency. I tell people I'm fasting and they believe me, I tell people I'm too tired to come meet them for dinner they believe me.

Fuck, even my live out partner whose been here for the last 3 days who I have said the words 4norexi4 to and who has watched me consume nothing but tea for 3 days doesn't question my choices.

How different a world it is when you're seen but not seen. I am validated but I remain a shadow.

[stressy-depressy-bigfat-messy]

if anyone in my family ever discovers this account

[stressy-depressy-bigfat-messy]

How I expect to look after fasting for 1 day

[stressy-depressy-bigfat-messy]

Neuro-chemically, fasting increases levels of things called catecholamines — such as dopamine — which elevates your happiness and confidence while reducing your anxiety.

Fasting is good for you. ⭐️rving makes you happy.

stuffing yourself with food? binging? makes us unhappy.

the choice is clear? skinny = happy

[stressy-depressy-bigfat-messy]

*A shit ton*

I don't have body dysmorphia. I know what I look like, and I look like I could lose a bit of weight.

[stressy-depressy-bigfat-messy]

New diet unlocked 😽✨

Breakfast: sleep

Lunch: a slice of self hate

Snack: a bowl of regret 

Dinner: a cup of green tea 

[stressy-depressy-bigfat-messy]

"you're pretty just the way you are" but i could be so much better and skinnier, then i could be even more pretty. and i will be.

[stressy-depressy-bigfat-messy]

I have a beautiful thin figure under this fat.

I will make the fat disappear.

I have a beautiful thin figure under this fat.

I will make the fat disappear

[stressy-depressy-bigfat-messy]

My skinny friend

Ive been observing my skinny friends behavior and noticed that she doesn’t eat. At school they give breakfast and normally give out cereals, muffins, etc stuff like that and she never gets it. She only eats the lunch they give out at school which is at most 400-500 cals. She is NATURALLY bmi 18 not because she has the “metabolism of the gods”but because she doesn’t eat at all. I was bmi 24 when I ate whatever I wanted. She doesn’t have an appetite at all. After she gets home she doesn’t eat anything at all. She doesn’t have an appetite for anything and has been losing more and more weight over time. She keeps telling me how she can “eat whatever” she wants and not gain weight but thats not true. She basically has omads. I go to her house every once in a while and she never eats and when she does its probably just a fruit or a VERY small serving of something but she does it so carelessly. Every time she eats, she always leaves half of her food. She never eats candy and says she just “doesn’t crave it” I am jealous of how small her appetite is and she doesn’t even think about food every second of the day. She tries to relate to me by saying how she was “fat” when she was younger, but I know thats not true. She says that shes always dizzy when she stands up and how she even fainted once but she didn’t know it was because of how little she eats. I know she is not like me but how can you go all day without thinking about food? When she does eat, she takes ONE bite and drinks a lot of water and all of a sudden she is just not hungry anymore.

[stressy-depressy-bigfat-messy]

sorry for being weird online. i'm even worse if you see me in person

[stressy-depressy-bigfat-messy]

yeah i’m fine *smashes head into table repeatedly*

[stressy-depressy-bigfat-messy]

reblog if your an active ed account oct 2023 ♡

my edblr is dry looking for mutuals!

[stressy-depressy-bigfat-messy]

The depression has skyrocketed and I don’t know how much more I can handle. I just had another baby and I don’t want to die before he’s one but I don’t want to die after he can remember who I am/my mom presence will make a difference. I don’t want to fuck my kids up with my suicide.

#i wish i was dead #why am i like this #i am fucked up #i want to die #i give up #i hate my brain #i hate my life #why am i here #no one loves me #loser #lonely #lost cause #unlovable #no one cares #i hate everything about me #i hate me