#'no daughter Ryan Reynolds lives in your fucking phone'

[krash-8]

nobody around me has data and generally my provider tends to be a problem, but today it paid to have ryan renolds in my phone

#mint mobile #if ur wondering lol #he owns that company #'dad why cant we have the normal data so it works' #'no daughter Ryan Reynolds lives in your fucking phone' #'thanks dad' #and today it fucking paid i dont know whether to laugh or cry

[morizoras-cave]

Drink (Request)

Ryan Reynolds x teen!daughter!reader

Genre: angst, fluffy ending

Request Description: Could you maybe do a Ryan Reynolds x teen!reader where the reader maybe goes to a party and something gets slipped into her drink but she calls Ryan and says she doesn’t feel well and he gets her and looks after her? Only if this is okay for you to write and you feel comfortable doing it. I love you work so much🥺 Thank you!🤍

Warnings: attempted rape, drugging, language

(A/N): this is my first ryan reynolds post. v excited. reading this back, i realized that this could be taken as victim blaming. the beginning part where ryan is talking about how his daughter “shouldn’t wear that dress out” was more of a “awww look hes a protective and good dad”. i dont believe in victim blaming at all. (off topic here) also i wrote the last part of this drunk af. anyway i hope y’all still enjoy. now smell you later losers!! break begun!

“Y/n, you are not going to a party in that outfit!”

You glared at your dad, who was both shaking his head and wagging his finger in disapproval. 

“What’s so wrong with this dress?” you protested, crossing your arms. 

“The boys and the girls will be after you in seconds! I will not have some sweaty teen thinking something nasty about my daughter!” his voice was high (as always), as he squealed his argument. You rolled your eyes. 

Your mom walked into the room to grab something from the fridge, but stopped and looked at you. “Nice dress, N/n, you going to a party?” 

“Don’t encourage this!” Ryan hissed and you smiled scornfully. Blake’s laughter came throughout the room and she stopped beside you with her glass of milk in her hand. 

“Calm down, Ryan. She’s growing up!” 

“Nuh uh!” your dad looked away, still unsatisfied. You couldn’t help but giggle. 

“Y/n, just go to your party. I’ll deal with the grump lord,” your mom pushed you towards the entrance. Ryan’s face twisted into that of someone betrayed by his closest. 

“Woah, woah, woah! Grump lord? I have a code name? In my own house?” 

You skipped to the entrance room, sliding on your jacket and your shoes, smiling playfully. “Wait!” your dad yelled and footsteps nearing you, as he jogged to the entrance. You looked at him. 

“Just.. Call me if you’re in trouble. Anything at all,” he knew he was defeated. Although, you loved basking in the glory of victory, you couldn’t help but smile at your dad’s kind words.

“I will,” you promised.

The party was loud and booming. Every inch of the house was hot (in an uncomfortable way) and crowded, teenagers rubbing against each other and dancing. You found yourself with your friends in the living room, dancing to the sound of a Nicki Minaj song. 

“I’m gonna go get a drink!” you yelled over the music. Your friends, extremely intoxicated and doing ‘the stanky leg’, gave you a mindless thumbs up, and continued to dance. You giggle was drowned out in the music. 

You squeezed your way past different people, finally making it to the table with all the liquor. The boy who was hosting had miraculously bought enough for there to just be an all-you-can-drink table. 

The unnerving feeling of someone watching you became immediately clear. You looked around, finding the person fairly quickly. It was a boy, maybe a couple of years older than you, with a drunken gaze and tousled hair. He was smirking at you. You rolled your eyes and poured yourself a gin and tonic. 

The moment the drink was finished, someone poked your shoulder. You looked up. It wasn’t the same boy as before. This one was bigger and broader. He had the same knowing smirk on his face. You felt unnerved.

“Hey. Is this your friend over here? They look pretty smashed, you might want to check on them,” he pointed to somewhere behind him, taking all your attention from your drink to your idiot friends. You told them not to drink too much.

“Can you show me where they are?” you mumbled and the boy nodded, pulling you away from your drink. He led you to somewhere entirely different in the house, where a girl you’d never seen in your life was doubled over, puking on the poor host’s carpet. 

“I don’t know this girl,” you explained and the boy’s mouth made an ‘o’ shape. He sighed and then shrugged.

“Sorry, I thought I saw you talking earlier. Sorry to bother you,” then he walked off. You shook your head at the weird incident and walked back to you drink. You started gulping it down hungrily, deciding you were definitely too sober to be at this party.

 Almost immediately, you started feeling extremely drunk. Extremely. Which was weird, you thought, but it was hard to concentrate on it, when the environment was so loud and your thoughts were so blurry. 

Then, slowly, you realised that you didn’t usually feel like this when you were drunk. You tried to rationalise it. Maybe you just put too much gin in your drink? Maybe you had forgotten that you’d drunk something? Whatever the case, you started feeling weird. 

Everything was spinning. You wouldn’t have been able to find your friends if you wanted to. Then, in your chaotic state, your eyes passed someone else’s eyes, and you recognised them. It was the boy from earlier, the broad one, smirking at you. This time, his smirk felt alarming. Chilling. 

That moment was when the penny dropped. Your head snapped to the other boy, the one who’d just watched you. He gave you a grin. 

You were shaking, blinking away tears. You realised the position you were in. You were prey. And you were vulnerable. You took a few shaky steps, trying to make it seem like you hadn’t just realised you’d been roofied. 

When your back was turned to them, and you were stood behind a wall of dancing bodies, you pulled out your phone from your bag. You couldn’t tell if it was your vision, or if your hands were shaking, but everything was buzzing, unable to keep still. 

Your finger hovered over his number. What if you weren’t roofied? What if you were just drunk and silly? How embarrassing would that be? You felt tears prick your eyes. 

His voice echoed in your head. “Call me if you’re in trouble. Anything at all.”

You pressed down on his number, bringing the phone to your ear. You could hardly form a sentence. Everything was moving and it was so loud. 

“Hello?” Your dad’s voice was like cutting open this hellspace to some sort of heaven. It felt safe. You closed your eyes, a tear running down your face. 

“Hi, dad,” you had to yell, “can you- can you come pick me up?” 

There was a moment of silence from the phone, before he said: “Sure, why? You’re at Erik’s house, right?” 

“Yeah, Erik’s house. Let’s talk about this later!” then you hung up. It almost felt like your heart was shaking in your chest. It was too much, all of it. You could hardly walk, but you took a step towards the door, then several more. 

You feverishly grabbed the door handle, trying desperately to open the door, but you weren’t strong enough. It was a chilling realisation, that you weren’t even strong enough to open a door. 

“Do you need a help?” 

You jumped and shrieked, but it was drowned out by the music. No one noticed. You looked up and you had to stand there for a moment, before you realised that it wasn’t any of the boys you’d seen before. 

This boy looked concerned. You couldn’t even process how you must look, tear-streaked face, ruined makeup, shaking and helplessly grasping a door. You didn’t care. 

“Here,” he mumbled and opened the door for you. You whispered a ‘thank you’, and wobbled out on the street. You heard the boy leave, but you kept standing there, waiting uncomfortably for your dad to show up. 

Eventually, you saw his car pulling up in the distance. You breathed out in relief and dashed to his car, opening the door and sitting down beside you dad. He was looking at you, brows furrowed in concern. 

It was a scary thing. He was always afraid of seeing you like that. Seeing you scared and drunk and desperate. As you sat down his hand grasped yours. 

“Are you okay, Y/n? What happened?” 

You shook your head. You felt so unfocused. It was impossible to understand everything that was going on. You missed being sober. “My- My drink,” you mumbled senselessly, unable to speak normally. 

“What about your drink?” Ryan pressed, squeezing your hand. You were his child. He loved you. He was worried. Beyond belief.

“I-I think someone.. I think someone put something in it..” you mumbled, head swinging. You were far from the normal you. Everything was swinging right by you. 

“You think someone..?” Ryan trailed off. You saw his knuckles turn white as he grasped the steering wheel angrily. “Did they- Did they touch you?”

You shook your head. You saw your dad breathe out in relief, his hand never leaving yours. 

“Alright, I’ll just drive you home. It’ll be fine,” he mumbled (mostly to himself) as he started the car and drove away from the booming, partying house. “It’ll be just fine, N/n.”

He kept mumbling to himself, but you fell asleep in the car. Eventually everything was too much for you, so you just decided to close your eyes. It was a good decision. Sleep was so peaceful. 

Ryan drove you home, carrying you into their house and into your room. “What’s wrong with her?” Blake would yell, confused and scared, but Ryan would just focus on getting you to bed. 

“She was roofied. Someone put something in her fucking drink! She could’ve been- She could’ve been fucking raped!” he ranted to his wife, whilst you slept peacefully in the other room. 

Needless to say both your mom and your dad were much more overprotective after that, both with parties and with boys. But it was okay. You woke up safe and sound, and you were happy your dad had gotten you before something awful happened.

Honestly, you didn’t oppose their overprotectiveness, because after that night you felt like you needed it. No matter what way you twisted it, that night fucked you up. You weren’t as reckless or careless after that. And you got help from a professional, but still. It was an awfully traumatising experience. 

You were just happy your dad had been with you that night. And that he cared for you. Of course, he would. He was your dad. He loved you more than anything else in the world. You had no reason to worry, not when you had your dad by your side. 

___________________________

Tag List:

@hera-the-writer @marvel-madness @40srogcrs @whatthefuckimbisexual @snarky–starky @garbage-potato @lozzypoz321 @allthecreativeonesaretaken @missamericana713 @rororo06 @shady80smusicsingercolor @ireadfanficforfun @deephideoutmilkshake @rae-is-typing @sophs-library @herecomesthewriterwitch @alicedanganh @eviemarvel @idk123906

#ryan reynolds x reader #ryan reynolds x daughter!reader #ryan reynolds x teen!reader #deadpool x reader #deadpool cast x reader #marvel cast x reader #mcu cast x reader #avengers cast x reader #avengers cast x teen!reader

[mtvswatches]

Underrated rom-coms that I absolutely adore *chef’s kiss*

In no particular order. Click the titles to see the trailers.

The Truth About Cats and Dog - Uma Thurman and Janeane Garofalo star in this 90s gem. Janeane’s a radio host and vet who falls for one of her callers after helping him deal with his dog. Uma is her neighbor and ends up impersonating Janeane by her request because she is very insecure about her appearance. Meanwhile, she maintains amazing phone conversations with the object of her affection. First female masturbation scene I ever saw in movies. Female friendship is strong in this one.

Sleeping with Other People - A kind of homage to When Harry Met Sally if it was set in the 2010s and was much raunchier. After a chance encounter at university, Alison Brie has sex for the first time with Jason Sudeikis. They only meet again many years later and strike up a friendship in which they both dispense relationship and sex advice to the other. Each of them has their own hangups, and time and again rely on each other to get through stuff. The story does develop in the way you’d expect, but both leads deliver great performances and you can’t help but fall for them as they fall for each other. There’s a scene in particular that gives me a lot of feels and made me swoon over Jason Sudeikis, which had never happened before. (Spoiler alert: this scene.)

While You Were Sleeping - Sandra Bullock in one of her earliest, breakout roles. This is one of those movies with a #problematic lead whose behavior is probably criminal, definitely creepy and if you really start dissecting it, you realize that the heroine is actually the villain (My Best Friend’s Wedding, I’m also looking at you.) Anywho, Sandra is a lonely, single woman who works in the booth at a train station or something and daydreams about one of the daily commuters, Peter Gallagher. She ends up rescuing him after he falls to the rails. He ends up in a coma, and because of a misunderstanding, his family believes her to be his fiance, and she enjoys so much living out this fantasy that she fails to correct them. But his brother, a very swoony Bill Pullman, is suspicious of her and in an attempt to figure out whether she’s lying or not, they end up spending a lot of time together and well, you can figure out what happens later.

A Lot Like Love - I guess this one was a more deliberate attempt to recreate and modernize When Harry Met Sally. Starring Ashton Kutcher and Amanda Peet, it tells the story of a boy and girl who meet at the airport and end up spending a day together and forming a unique bond. Throughout the years, they keep crossing each other’s paths, and each time they grow closer and more intimate, although the timing is never right. You can guess the rest. It’s a very sweet movie with an absolutely amazing soundtrack. 

Definitely Maybe - Raise your hand if you’ve loved Ryan Reynolds and watched pretty much everything he was in since you saw him in 1996′s Sabrina The Teenage Witch with Melissa Joan Hart. Anyway, if you’re a fan of love stories that span years and How I Met Your Mother but hated the ending, you’ll love this one. Ryan’s character, now divorced, retells his three most important past relationships to his curious daughter after she asks him how he met her mom. While that relationship obviously didn’t have a happy ending, reminiscing about his past love life helps him figure out that there may still be a chance to hold on to the one who got away. 

The Wedding Date - With a plot seemingly straight out of fan-fiction - single woman hires date to go to sister’s wedding in England where she’ll run into former fiance - this movie is extremely tropey and predictable. Yet, it kind of works for me. Dermot Mulroney is extremely dreamy, and the UST between his character and Debra Messing is palpable. 

Before Sunrise (and Before Sunset and Before Midnight) If smart dialogue and beautiful backdrops are a huge turn-on for you, this is your movie and your saga. While the plot is virtually non-existent - two young adults meet on a train in Europe and end up spending a day together in Vienna - this is one of those movies that are brilliantly written and in which the dialogue is the plot. Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy play wonderfully off each other and you almost feel you’re watching the events transpire in real-time. There is something wonderful about watching two people slowly fall in love with each other as they talk and get to know each other in a way that people rarely do. There’s also the charm of knowing there’s an expiration date to their encounter and the desperation of not wanting it to the end. I adore this movie, this couple, this saga, this director.

Reality Bites - Yes, I do have a thing for Ethan Hawke. Sue me. This is 90s Wynonna Ryder at her best and Hawke at his broodiest, bad-boy-est. This is the quintessential Generation X movie (that’s actually the title the movie was given in my country...) in which you see twenty-somethings struggling to become adults in a world that keeps changing the rules. It touches on many issues that are relatable to young adults while at the same time giving you an insight into this group of friends who try to navigate adulthood while remaining true to who they are. Wynonna and Ethan have insane chemistry, and their scenes together still give me butterflies. 

High Fidelity - A heartbroken John Cusack, who owns a record store and is obsessed with making lists, decides to make the list of his top five breakups, hunt down his exes and have heart-to-hearts about why they think their relationship didn’t work. He views these relationships and breakups as formative experiences that led him to where he is today and ultimately affected his most recent relationship, which he thought was the one. Great soundtrack, great cameos in minor roles, and John Cusack, for fuck’s sake, what more could you ask for?

Chasing Amy - Granted, this one probably doesn’t hold up so well in this day and age. I mean, comic book writer Ben Affleck falls for lesbian Joey Lauren Adams and actively tries to have her switch teams? Hmmm. Even when I watched this back then that part definitely felt ... wrong. Yet... I’ve always felt the message of the movie about sexuality - and ultimately about love - was that it is complex and it fluctuates and that we are kind of doomed if we keep slapping labels on ourselves and holding ourselves to the standards of said labels. There are definitely homophobic lines, but it’s a very interesting movie to watch mostly because of Alyssa’s character and her journey in the movie. Give it a try and tell me what you think. 

Just Friends - Another Ryan Reynolds flick, arguably more of a comedy than a rom-com but feels underrated either way. Former fatty Ryan has made a name for himself as a music producer or something after he escaped his hometown and the friend zone (I KNOW) he inhabited during his highschool years. Having to take care of pop star Anna Faris (who is absolutely hilarious in this movie), he ends up accidentally returning to his town and running into his high school crush and best friend again. Now exuding self-confidence because of his looks, he decides he will get her to sleep with him to fulfill his teenage fantasies. As he attempts to woo her, he slowly reverses to his high school appearance, which undermines his confidence and brings his issues to the surface. It’s a silly, fun movie that doesn’t pretend or aim to be anything else, and both Ryan’s and Anna’s comedic skills are brilliantly displayed in it. You’ll laugh a lot, is what I’m saying. 

#movies #romantic comedies #rom coms #romance #films #mine #also let me know if you would like me to do other lists like this?

[spiderfan22]

DAY THREE HUNDRED AND FORTY-ONE - 10/16/19

“FANTASYLAND” by DJS

I’m not even going to comment.

_____

A moderately priced hotel room in Anaheim California.

 Sound of mom and daughter behind the bathroom door.

DAD is lying on the bed, flipping channels. He is sunburned from a long day in the park. He talks to us but doesn’t look at us.

DAD                      It was in the car on the way to the airport when my daughter started singing along to “Buffalo Soldier” on the radio and I’m thinking where did she even hear that where did she even learn that from and I look back to see if my wife if she’s getting this but she’s smiling at a text message on her phone not paying attention. It’s then that it hits me. How much we’re about to fuck this child up.

MOM comes out of the bathroom. Over her shoulder to the kid she says:

MOM                     No YOU wash your hair. You’re a big girl. I’ll come check on you in a minute.

She leaves the bathroom door ajar and we hear sounds of the little girl playing in the bath.

Meanwhile Mom has started talking to us while she goes around picking up dirty clothes and stuffing them into a pillow case.

To us

Ok, for the record, I didn’t think it was a good idea to go on vacation in the first place, not right now anyway Maybe to the beach or something just for the weekend but

DAD                      But it was already booked We would have lost thousands of dollars

MOM                     Better than it being awkward the whole time

DAD                      It doesn’t have to be if you’d

MOM                     Yes but you’re MAKING IT don’t you see?

DAD                      Well maybe if you didn’t check your phone all the time maybe if you could just turn off and

MOM                     Turn off and what?? Turn off and what? Look at you, kiss you? Wrap my arms around you and tell you you’re the only one baby?

He doesn’t say anything.

And I’m hardly even looking at my phone And it’s work half the time anyway

DAD                      If it’s work they know you’re on vacation

MOM                     Yes but that doesn’t stop stuff from coming up. Can you turn that off if we’re going to talk?

DAD mutes the TV.

DAD                      Sorry

MOM                     Thank you

DAD                      I just don’t I mean I know we have our stuff we’re going through it’s But we promised to figure it out once we got back to put it aside and NOT deal and that this would just be a vacation that there would be no distractions and yes that INCLUDES Well anyway just no distractions

MOM                     And I’m trying. At least I’m trying.

DAD                      Well it doesn’t feel like it. You’re saying you’re not texting him all the time?

MOM                     Occasionally What does it matter? Just to check in

DAD                      That’s my point though What is there to check in ABOUT? He knows where you are, He knows who you’re with he knows you’re with you’re trying to spend time with your daughter

MOM                     And you

DAD                      That’s not the

                             I don’t matter. This is supposed to be about you and your daughter and real quality time

MOM                     AND YOU

DAD                      US, ok? US spending one last, you know

MOM                     But it’s not the last! It’s NOT the LAST. Why do you have to treat this like it’s the fucking end of the world here????!

Big pause. Sound of little girl splashing in the bath.

Almost overlapping:

MOM                     I should check on her

DAD                      Maybe we should go back

She looks at him. Then goes into the bathroom, the door clicking shut behind her.

Another beat then:

DAD                      Maybe we should go back. Uh start this from the beginning. Just that I think this requires more context so you know what we’re talking about here and uh.

Pause

                             My wife’s cheating on me. There I said it. There that’s the long and short of it. I found out she was cheating on me about a month ago. It was about a month ago anyway. She left her phone out, she really shouldn’t have. Well I guess I got suspicious. She kept having to work late, saying she had to work late, that kind of thing and I got suspicious, something just seemed funny about it to me her having to work late all the time that it just didn’t add up. Because historically I guess it just came out of nowhere this suddenly always having to stay late, work, not getting home till nine or ten at night. So then of course you have lots of time to think about – when she’s not home, when you’re just sitting at home waiting for her, these things, you have all the time to just make up endless scenarios of, these little scenarios in your head, you know, endless what-ifs that. Well they just really, they come to consume you and you’re alone, you’re alone sitting there thinking, waiting. Or with your kid making dinner for your kid but ostensibly, you know. Alone. So you have lots of time you have lots of time to just, to ponder, to make up different

                             And so you start turning it over in your head, I mean once you land on the whole cheating, that she might be cheating, which is the easiest jump to, uh, conclusion you can, you start to think of possible you know. Who it could be. You go back you think about that one guy, her boss Trevor at the holiday party. Her work her office holiday party and that he wouldn’t seem to leave her alone all night, all night by her side, right there, cracking jokes and making jokes and, inside jokes and, and she would laugh and she would, their just their own private thing, not intimate exactly but close, suggestive of, I don’t know, your mind just goes places I guess. And part of you, a part of you just thinks Oh well she’s humoring him because he’s her boss. And part of you worries that is something up with them you know? And part of you then is like no she wouldn’t do that because 1, A) Well for a lot of reasons one being she loves you and she’s your wife and you’ve made a commitment and the other blah blah and there’s the kid and. Yeah. But also just that he’s her boss you know and that doesn’t make sense, I mean if she was going to have an affair with anyone then you’d think your boss would be, for all those reasons you know, it’s just messy, your boss would be, he would be LAST person you’d, you’d want to, because of the legality of it you know the possible sexual, sexual harassment and stuff, and whatnot. It’s just it’s sticky, you could get in a lot of trouble if anyone, if someone at your work found out, HR or I don’t know, if you were the boss and that happened.

                             So I really didn’t worry about it too much beyond that one small, that one moment of worry that I had. It just considering all the reasons why it wouldn’t or it shouldn’t happen, you know, that that was that. So that’s what I thought.

The bathroom door opens and Mom sticks her head out.

MOM                     Are you telling them about how you spied on my phone?

DAD                      I’m telling them about how you cheated on me. How you CONTINUE to –

MOM                     You spied on my phone. I forgot it once when I went to the store I left it on the counter and you spied on it.

DAD                      It didn’t have a code.

MOM                     Why is that even matter? You invaded my privacy.

DAD                      Well we shouldn’t hide stuff from each other either right? I mean what’s the bigger wrong here, my spying or your cheating?

MOM                     I don’t know. But none of this would have happened if you didn’t spy.

DAD                      None of what would’ve happened?? That doesn’t make any, I wouldn’t have FOUND OUT?????????????????????

She talks over him.

MOM                     No you wouldn’t have found out, we wouldn’t be fighting right now because you wouldn’t have found out, not yet, I would have told you when it was the right time. It WASN’T the right time

DAD                      The right time the right time and you get to dictate WHEN THAT IS WHEN-------------------

MOM                     Yes because ITS MY SECRET BEN ITS MY INDISCRESSION MINE MY MISTAKE TO REVEAL!!

DAD over her       Was my intuition wrong?? WAS MY INTUITION WRONG?????!?

Silence for a long time.

DAD                      Did you get burned?       .

MOM                     Sunburned? A little

DAD                      Do you know, did we pack any

MOM                     Aloe vera?

DAD                      Or anything that would

MOM                     No I didn’t think of it. We packed in such a hurry. I don’t know why we always wait to the last minute.

DAD                      That’s just the way it is I guess

MOM                     Right but what I’m SAYING is not everyone’s like that, some people actually prepare, they make comprehensive packing LISTS they

DAD                      They plan.

Pause.

MOM                     I don’t think we’ve ever had a plan in our lives.

DAD                      No not really.

MOM                     And that’s an issue.

DAD                      Right.

MOM                     That’s a problem when you stop to think of it.

Dad says nothing.

Mom looks at the TV.

                             What movie is this, it looks familiar.

DAD                      I don’t know.

MOM                     You don’t know?

DAD                      It’s got Ryan Reynolds in it, that’s all I know.

MOM                     There are only so many Ryan Reynolds movies.

DAD                      True

MOM                     So it’s got to be one of them

DAD                      That is a true statement.

Pause.

MOM                     Do you think she’s cute?

DAD                      Who? Ryan –

MOM                     Him yes. I think he’s cute. In that movie star way. In that unreal good looks -

DAD                      Yeah I guess he is that.

MOM                     Does that bug you?

                             Does it bug you that Trevor is so dissimilar from you? At least looks-wise? Would it make it easier if who I had decided to cheat with was at least similar in looks so it wasn’t that much of a stretch?

                             What would make this easier I guess is my question. Because I don’t want this to be It’s hard enough as it is, right?

                             Would it be easier if I told you that I’d fallen out of love with you? That I didn’t really love Trevor that I had already stopped loving you and Trevor was just there. Would it be easier if I told you it was just about sex? It was just meaningless sex, that it was only physical. That I still loved you but you just didn’t do it for me anymore sexually. If I had come to you first and said THIS IS WHAT I NEED. Would you have said yes ok? Or would that have been a hard line, would that have been a line in the sand – for you?

                             I have a friend. Her and her partner, they’re not married but Her and her partner her very longstanding and committed partner they do the whole polyamorous thing and they’re VERY happy. You’d never know even that they sleep with other people. That that’s HOW they’re so happy is that freedom to be with whomever they choose.

                             I think about where we went wrong. I think about – Well, I know it’s too late now

Starts to speak-sing Carole King –

                             IT’S TOO LATE BABY

                             IT’S JUST TOO LATE

                             THO WE REALLY DID TRY TO MAKE IT

                             SOMETHING INSIDE HAS DIED AND NOW I CAN’T HIDE AND I JUST CAN’T FAKE IT

                             I don’t know if those are the exact words, I may be paraphrasing.

She pauses, thinking. He watches her thinking.

                             Have you ever heard of this thing “The Mandela Effect”?

DAD shakes his head that he hasn’t.

                             It’s a weird phenomenon this weird phenomenon where people collectively remember something that never really happened or isn’t actually true. Everyone is under a false assumption. People talk about movies a lot they use famous movies famous movie quotes that people always get wrong, they tweak a word or -

                             “Luke I am your father.” That’s one.

                             “No, I’M your father.” That’s the correct line.

DAD                      …never pegged you for a Star Wars fan…

MOM                     I’m not that’s just one of the examples they gave in the article I read.

He thinks about that.

DAD                      Do they call it The Mandela Effect because of Nelson Mandela?

MOM                     Yes. There’s apparently a large group of people who think Nelson Mandela died in the eighties.

DAD                      But he didn’t.

MOM                     I know. That’s the point.

DAD                      Oh

MOM                     The point is there’s a general ASSUMPTION. And it FEELS true, it FEELS like what happened or how things were, but it’s NOT.

DAD                      Right

MOM                     Take our relationship for example.

DAD                      I don’t really want to I thought this might be where you were going but ok.

MOM                     You never thought I’d be capable of having an affair

DAD                      That’s true

MOM                     You thought even if we didn’t love each other anymore even if we weren’t attracted to each other anymore that that would just be the thing or the progression the natural PROGRESSION the EVOLUTION of our relationship our MARRIAGE was to not be in love but to stay together to, I don’t, WEATHER the STORM

DAD                      Exactly yes

MOM                     Because if you have a choice Why throw it all away? Why everything you’ve built just toss that to the side toss that out and start from scratch Why would a person choose to do that when the ALTERNATIVE is While the alternative is just keeping the status quo. Which works

DAD                      Right

MOM                     Which works perfectly fine. No harm no foul.

DAD                      That would be my question

MOM                     That’s the assumption.

DAD                      Yes.

                             Yes.

She looks at him in a very hard, critical way.

                             What?

MOM                     Do you know how much power that takes away from me? How much power that denies me your denying me?

DAD                      No.

MOM                     A lot.

DAD                      Oh.

She looks at him.

Looks and looks and looks. Suddenly MOM looks tired. Weary. She rubs her eyes.

MOM                     Sorry can you Do me a favor?

DAD                      I don’t know. Yes?

MOM                     Take off your clothes.

Pause.

DAD                      What?

MOM                     Take them off. We haven’t had sex in so long I forget what you look like. Maybe that’ll change my opinion/decision.

DAD                      Wuh - Really?

MOM                     Just hurry up.

Pause. Dad looks towards bathroom.

DAD                      What about -                    

MOM                     She’ll be fine. Are you going to take your clothes off or not? I’m not asking again.

He looks at her. He pulls his t- shirt over his head. We see the contrast between his natural skin tone and the sunburn on his arms, neck and shoulders. It’s REALLY bad.

He pauses a moment. Is this what you want?

MOM nods yes with a gesture for him to Hurry up.

He pulls down his shorts and underwear. Kicks both to the side.

He stands there naked. His penis semi-erect for some reason.

Again the contrast between his thighs and his calves/shins which are beet red.

MOM looks at him. Looks and looks and looks. Forever.

The moment lasts so long that it goes past uncomfortable to become funny, then awkward again, then funny again. All in silence.

Then.

Then.

MOM   God you really did get sunburned didn’t you?

He gives a small nod. Then it’s back to waiting, for judgment presumably.

A scrutinizing beat.

Then MOM with a sniff –

           Alright, you can put your pants on now.

He looks at her, but instead of doing that DAD pulls the blanket from off of one of the beds and wraps it around himself and sits on the floor. Cocooned.

MOM   You’re embarrassing.

DAD                      Yeah well. The whole thing’s a cliché anyway. I mean of all the people to have an affair with your boss. Anyone you work with. So.

                             How’d it start anyway?

She looks away, sighs, sinks onto the bed.

MOM                     Proximity, uh. Flirting, you know. Well, not at first. Teasing at first, like siblings would I imagine, big brother-little sister stuff, being an only child I can only guess. Then finding excuses to stop by my office when an email would suffice, following up. Following up on things that need no following up on, just to get a moment with the other person.

                             He’s married too you know.

DAD                      What happened when his wife found out?

MOM                     Oh she doesn’t know. He’s not going to tell her. In fact he’s not planning on leaving her at all. The affair the whole thing is pretty much over, it’s done with.

DAD                      So you what you broke up?

MOM                     I don’t know. There’s still some residual, some energy some lingering, to deal with, so. So we’ll probably have to work that out.

DAD                      You mean have sex.

MOM                     At least a few more times, yes. Because these things are complicated, aren’t they? Feelings, aren’t they? It all gets intermingled. And the worse part, now that you’re aware of the whole thing that is, is I won’t be able to NOT think of you while the event’s taking place, as opposed to previously. I won’t be able to divorce myself (heh), switch off like you never existed. You’ll be there, right there in the back of my mind, or the front of my mind, somewhere. Wherever, you’ll be THERE. Like you’re sitting in the corner of the room, watching me.

Some time. MOM straightens up.

                             I’m sorry. But you shouldn’t have snooped on my phone. That’s actually the one thing I can’t look past in all this. That FOR ME is the greater betrayal of the two, in all this. I think given time I would have told you, I think I would have come clean. I think I’m a better person than that, than a simple deceiver. The truth will out they say. But no you had to jump the gun. Well it’s cowardly and it’s spineless, it’s gutless, it’s everything you are all the time to me and if you want an answer Why I Did It there’s your answer.

Beat. Then the sound of the little girl singing “Buffalo Soldier” from the bathroom.

MOM crosses to the bathroom door, DAD following her with his eyes

                             Now I have to finish washing our daughter’s hair. I hope you’ve learned something. I honestly hope you do better with your next victim.

To DAUGHTER

                             Yes sweetie I HEAR you singing. Where’d you even LEARN that song?

She goes into the bathroom. Door clicks shut behind her.

DAD sits on the floor wrapped in the blanket. Numb to the point of never moving again. After a long moment, he reaches with his whole body and grabs the remote off the nightstand. He unmutes the TV. Mid-commercial for a fast food restaurant.

He watches and nods along.

End of play

#short play #whatever #ugh #butatleastIamwritingagain

[helloworlddemo1122-yahoopar-blog]

16 Times Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds Were the Funniest Couple in Hollywood

Of all of Hollywood’s famous couples, you’d be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn’t list Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds among their favorites. After two kids and almost six years of marriage, there’s no doubt that the pair have keeping a marriage fun down to a science. Check out some of our favorite moments between this hilarious couple below: 

1. When Ryan wished his “amazing wife” a happy birthday with this gorgeous photo of the two of them...sort of. 

Happy Birthday to my amazing wife.

A post shared by Ryan Reynolds (@vancityreynolds) on Aug 25, 2017 at 8:20pm PDT

2. Blake returned the favor on his birthday a few months later. 

Happy Birthday, baby.

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on Oct 23, 2017 at 3:25pm PDT

3. When Blake posted the sweetest message to Ryan for Father’s Day.

“Since the day our baby was born, I've felt so strongly in my heart that you were most likely the father,” she wrote.

Happy Fathers Day!!! ... @vancityreynolds Since the day our baby was born, I've felt so strongly in my heart that you were most likely the father. 😳😁😋😊😉😉😍😎😍#ILoveYouSoMuchItsSilly

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on Jun 21, 2015 at 7:29am PDT

4. When Blake joked that, above all else, she is the most proud of her hair.

If there’s one thing I’m infinitely proud of in this picture, it’s the incredible hair styling that I did on myself.

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on Apr 8, 2018 at 11:04am PDT

5. When Blake did seven outfit changes in one day and Ryan didn’t do any.

“@vancityreynolds didn’t even do one outfit change from the sidewalk to the inside. (Lazy),” she quipped.

@vancityreynolds didn’t even do one outfit change from the sidewalk to the inside. (Lazy)

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on Oct 19, 2017 at 2:28pm PDT

6. When Ryan shared this photo of Blake on the set of her upcoming movie The Rhythm Section, joking that it used “no filter.”

Blake, of course, clapped back with a reference to Ryan’s 2010 Sexiest Man Alive win. “Only the best for SMA 2010,” she wrote.

#nofilter

A post shared by Ryan Reynolds (@vancityreynolds) on Nov 6, 2017 at 2:27pm PST

7. When Ryan shared a sneak peak of The Shallows, joking that it was similar to his first date with Blake.

Actual footage from the first date with my wife. Tried to surprise her and totally forgot I was a fucking shark. pic.twitter.com/7AxuauYH2e

— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 24, 2016

8. When rumors surfaced that Blake and Ryan were struggling to spend enough time together, and Ryan agreed, saying he wished he could get some more “me time.”

I wish. I could use a little “me time”. https://t.co/S6kXFsWaMe

— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) March 31, 2018

9. When Blake shared a photo of a fan dressed as her The Shallows character for Halloween.

“I can’t even tell the difference!” Ryan commented. 

😂👻Happy😝☠️Halloween🎃😂 REPOST: @cjarobison

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on Oct 31, 2016 at 7:29pm PDT

10. When Ryan posted this gym selfie, joking that he had been writing an email to his mom and then realized there was no phone in his hand.

Blake joked that he was actually on Tinder, swiping for matches. “Why won’t this damn app swipe right?!?!!” she commented.

Never one to back down from a savage comment, Ryan responded, “Because it’s the eHarmony app,” to which his wife replied, “Can you show me how to download that? Ever since Ashley madison closed I’ve been so lonely.”

Ten minutes in to writing an email to my mom, when I realized there was no phone in my hand.

A post shared by Ryan Reynolds (@vancityreynolds) on Feb 14, 2018 at 5:19pm PST

11. When Ryan joked that he and Blake got married online while attending the premiere of All I See is You.

“I married my wife online,” he said, “so it was nice to finally meet her in person.”

ALL I SEE IS YOU opens today!!! I was so happy to see an advanced screening of this STUNNING film by Marc Forster! Also, I married my wife online, so it was nice to finally meet her in person. #alliseeisyou

A post shared by Ryan Reynolds (@vancityreynolds) on Oct 27, 2017 at 9:14am PDT

12. When Blake left the house wearing this…

…and Ryan commented “I want my boots back.”

True story: As the elevator closed my daughter yelled after me, “Oh no mama, you forgot your pants!”

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on Feb 15, 2018 at 7:31pm PST

13. When Ryan was honored in TIME’s 100 Most Influential People list, but Blake was too busy being proud of John Legend to notice. 

“Congratulations to the most influential person in my life,” she wrote. “The best man I know... you deserve this @time 100 honor ... If only my husband wasn't blocking you in this shot. I'm so sorry @johnlegend.”

Congratulations to the most influential person in my life. The best man I know... you deserve this @time 100 honor ... If only my husband wasn't blocking you in this shot. I'm so sorry @johnlegend

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on Apr 27, 2017 at 2:56pm PDT

14. When Ryan starred with Helen Mirren in Woman in Gold, and Blake wondered why he had never looked at her as longingly as he did at Mirren.

Should I be concerned that my husband's never looked at me this way?... #WhereAreThoseEyesWanderingReynolds #HelenMirrenIStheSexiestWomanAlive #WomanInGold

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on Apr 3, 2015 at 9:27pm PDT

15. When Ryan joked that one of life’s simplest joys is when he discovered that he and Blake had a second daughter two years ago.

Nothing better than the simple joys of finding 5 bucks in an old pair of pants, or discovering my wife and I had a second daughter over a year ago.

— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) January 24, 2018

16. When Blake shared Ryan’s sad attempt at making Christmas cookies, insisting that although his cooking skills are subpar, he is still very handsome. 

“I wanted to be the first person to bake Christmas cookies using only a hammer,” he replied. 

@vancityreynolds made some Christmas cookies... 😳 ...He’s verrry handsome though.

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on Dec 22, 2017 at 12:37pm PST

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