#'yeah you have condition diagnosed with X symptom. it's probably that there's nothing we need to do about it' and SOMETIMES they're right.

[thebibliosphere]

I had a question.

So, just an hour or two ago, I was going through some sort of “manic high”, sorta like how somebody with bipolar disorder would have (I don’t have BPD). It felt like a bullet train at max speed and completely derailing, and it was incredibly draining. It also got me wondering.

Do people with severe enough ADHD deal with ADHD episodes like this? My search attempts are often futile because all of it is just talking about how to differentiate between BPD and ADHD and BPD manic episodes, but nobody ever mentions ADHD episodes; the only time I’ve seen it mentioned ever was when somebody made a clip of crankgameplays to show what an ADHD episode looked like.

Do they even exist? I’ve got no idea, so I was just wondering if you knew.

Hey! Sorry, I saw your other ask a while ago, but I wanted to talk to my ADHD specialist before I answered because I’d never heard of the term “episode” being used to describe ADHD. I’m also going to splice both questions together here and answer them in segments in the hope it helps :)

So like I said, I’d never heard of the term “episode” with ADHD, and neither has my specialist. Part of ADHD is having a natural ebb and flow between inattention and hyperactivity, sometimes skewed toward one or the other, depending on your ADHD type. (What are the different types of ADHD?)

Your type of ADHD may also fluctuate because of other factors, such as stress, changes in medication, hormonal fluctuations, lack of sleep, overstimulation, or even under-stimulation, to name a few. Another overlooked part of ADHD is emotional dysregulation, which may cause rapid cycling emotions that may look like an “episode” to someone unfamiliar with what that actually qualifies. The way my therapist explained it and using your example of bipolar disorder, “episode” is used in diagnostic criteria to categorize manic or depressive episodes that last X amount of time, are usually severe, potentially requiring hospitalization, and are accompanied by other symptoms not found in ADHD.

Our “bursts” of energy or lack thereof typically don’t last long enough to be considered episodes. This isn’t to say they are not severe or debilitating, especially if you suffer from things like anxiety or depression that ADHD can feed into. Merely that “episode” is not used as part of the language used to discuss ADHD, which is likely why you’re not finding anything.

So, do ADHDers experience intense bursts of energy that are draining afterward? Yeah, we can do, especially if we lean more toward hyperactive than inattentive. (And again, it's normal to fluctuate and also for things to be affected or worsened by secondary factors.)

And I'm going to put the rest under the cut because this is hella long.

I’ve seen some people think that all hyperactivity has to come with fixation, but that’s not how ADHD works. It’s true if something gets us excited or gives us a dopamine boost, we might be more prone to becoming hyperfixated and burn all our energy up on that. But you don’t need something to fixate on to experience hyperactivity. Some of us are just wired to the moon sometimes, and yes, it can be very draining when it ends. Some people find medication helpful in regulating their hyperactivity/preventing it from coming in such big swings and dips.

Speaking personally, when I'm hyper and nothing is grabbing my attention, the world and people around me can feel painfully slow. It's like I'm going a mile a minute doing everything but achieving nothing. The crash that comes after can also be particularly bad, as I also have dysthymia, which can tip over into a major depressive episode depending on other factors in my life at that time. For years I was misdiagnosed as having "probably Bipolar Type II" by a doctor who didn't believe teenage girls could "get" ADHD* and convinced my parents I needed psychoactive drugs. The drugs I was on didn't help, in fact, they made me worse so I was taken off them.

It wasn't until I found an ADHD specialist as an adult a few years ago that I made any real progress. And I'll be honest, I was shocked when she diagnosed me with ADHD, I really didn't think I had it. Right up until we started doing the work and slowly but surely my mental health began to improve and my understanding of myself with it.

Sometimes there are days when I will be wired to the moon and it will derail my entire day because I can't focus on a single thing/I'll focus too much on a single thing. Other times, like when I am closer to my menstrual cycle, I'll crash into inattentiveness and depression because of how my hormones affect my various different conditions, including my ADHD. Medication would likely help with this, but due to medical reasons, that's currently not an option for me so I do the best I can.

That said, if you’re experiencing something more than hyperactivity but it's not mania, you may be experiencing a form of hypomania and you should talk to a doctor about your concerns.

Hypomania typically occurs in Bipolar Type II disorder, which is less severe than the manic episodes in Bipolar I. I’ve experienced both manic and hypomanic episodes in my life due to medication interactions, and they felt very different from ADHD hyperactivity. It's not just derailing mile-a-minute thoughts, it's something usually completely mood-altering and out of control feeling followed by devastating crashes.

If you're on any medications and are worried you are experiencing something like this, you need to talk to your doctor. You might just need a dosage tweak, or you might be better off on a different medication altogether. Also, make a thorough check of any and all medications you are taking to check for any interactions.

I'm on a cocktail of meds for my MCAS, which if I were to combine them with the SSRI one of my doctors wants me to try, would result in serotonin syndrome. The doctor didn't notice this, but the pharmacist sure as shit did!

Some people (ask me how I know) even develop mild hypomania from overusing the sunlamps used to treat SAD (link), which is why brands like Verilux now include warnings in their leaflets about not using the lamps for more than X amount of time a day. Thankfully it goes away once you stop overusing the lamps.

Which actually brings me to something you asked last time about being unable to sleep at night. Insomnia and delayed sleep phase cycles are not uncommon in ADHD. This is likely because our circadian rhythm is thought to be out of whack (link).

You also mentioned having racing thoughts at night too, which is not uncommon either with hyperactivity. I find if I get overstimulated before trying to sleep, I’ll end up lying there awake with what I like to call “radio ADHD” playing in my head. It can range from snippets of songs stuck on repeat, conversations, things I’ve watched on TV, arguments, or if something is happening the next day, fixating on not being late for it. Hence, I end up getting no sleep because you can’t accidentally sleep in if you don’t sleep. *jazz hands of despair.*

Sometimes I find Radio ADHD soothing if it’s fixating on something chill, but it can get annoying fast and even distressing if I’m tired and can’t “change the station.” (I’d say “shut it off,” but as of yet, I’ve never been able to do that. Medication helps some people with this, as can looking into “sleep hygiene” if you haven’t already.) Conversely, if I’m bored or something is too stressful, I will 100% fall asleep because my brain would literally rather just turn off than do something I don’t want to do or is a low dopamine reward task.

Brains are fun.

Anyway, I uh, I am not sure if any of this is useful to you, but I hope it helps. Mostly I'm just repeating back what my specialist said when I asked her about it lol. Good luck, and I hope you figure things out.

----

*NB: It's important to note that ADHD and Bipolar Disorder can be comorbid. It's not a one or the other situation. I’m just throwing it out there in case hearing that helps someone else pursue the proper diagnosis!

#adhd #not a doctor #just a sick person with lots of lived experience

[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader - “What Death Tastes Like” Part 3

Scarecrow’s daughter might be only 22, yet the terminal lung cancer she was diagnosed with six months ago didn’t discriminate against her age; the young woman didn’t show worrisome symptoms until it was too late. Y/N always had a fascination for the much older King of Gotham and despite the consequences, maybe it’s finally time to do something about it.

Part 1      Part 2       Part 4       Part 5

You’re done sampling the food that J brought over, quite annoyed he lied about the crepes; it was probably the only reason why you opened the door for him. Or maybe it was a different motive that you don’t like to think of because… what’s the point anyway?

“Crane said he added a new ingredient to your capsules,” The Joker brings it up. “I have no idea how he was able to get Cromyxillium since it’s just in experimental phase; I suppose he has awesome connections,” your guest chews one last bite of cashew salad.

“I know, he texted me but I didn’t answer back… I’m mad at him… I’m mad at everything these days,“ you admit and The King of Gotham piles up the empty styrofoam boxes, calculating how much money Scarecrow spent on a product that might be able to improve your condition.

Y/N watches him absent minded, too preoccupied with her problems to realize The King of Gotham is attentive to her words.

“I used to help my dad develop my remedy, still nothing works and he entirely immersed himself in this ridiculous task of saving me from terminal cancer. He ignored Evelyn for weeks until she left: she understood what he was doing up to a certain level; when it became an obsession…” and you sigh, aggravated by your father’s stubbornness. “I told him he has to patch up their relationship; I don’t him to be all alone after I’m gone…” you sulk and J grabs the containers, dumping them in the trashcan near the table.

“Yeah, Crane will probably be very lonely without you…” and J stops his innuendo when he comprehends how it sounds. “On a positive note,” The Clown Prince of Crime stretches, “I’m actually here to ensure you’re ok taking the capsules containing the new ingredient. Your father asked me to and I am notorious for being this…this selfless person ready to offer my services,” J over exaggerates his ability to sympathize with your situation. “He also warned me not to try anything funny. I don’t understand why I’m not allowed to share any of my funny jokes; doesn’t make any sense,” the distorted interpretation of your parent’s threat almost prompts Y/N’s smile.

“You probably pushed for this visit, taking advantage of the fact that me and my dad had a fight, hm?” you bluntly describe the truth and J can’t defend his absurd statements because your cell phone starts ringing; you glare at the screen, debating if you should answer or not.

“Is that him?” The Joker inquires and you nod a yes while deciding to accept Scarecrow’s call.

“Hello…” you sneak out on the patio as J figures he should walk to his car in order to retrieve the duffel bag fixed in advance for his sleepover.

*****************

Your conversation lasted for about 20 minutes thus The Joker jumped in the shower lacking any type of permission from Y/N; perhaps it could be the reason for your abrupt intrusion in the cozy bathroom.

“Can I take a shower with you?” he hears your question and for once J is uncertain of his reply, yet he is not the kind of person to show reluctance no matter the context.

“It’s your place, isn’t it?” he grumbles and distinguishes your silhouette beyond the steamy glass panels quickly stripping your clothes.

The Joker continues to scrub his skin, undisturbed by your request: he simply doesn’t care if you join him or not.

“I’m using your stuff,” J announces and your arms suddenly hug him from behind.

“You can use whatever you want,” your lips kiss the dragon tattoo on his back a couple of times and he doesn’t even turn around to peek.

“I gotta wash my hair,” he mutters and you brush your lips against his shoulder, sweetly offering:

“I can wash it for you.”

“I got it!” Y/N’s demand is cut off immediately; you’re so humiliated by his lack of interest you curse the dumb choice of being so straightforward: it’s not the first time he shows zero attraction towards his daughter’s best friend.

Your arms release the embrace and The Joker reprises his important chore while hearing you fumbling with toiletry items: you are finishing off your routine at an increased speed, willing to exit out of there as soon as possible.

A few minutes of silence, then The Clown Prince of Crime finally pronounces an insolent remark:

“I hope you saw a naked man before, Y/N! I don’t wanna be accused of traumatizing you. If it really makes you feel better, you can wash my hair.”

No smarty pants attitude rendered upon him and J gazes where you stood only to notice you’re gone: after quietly tiptoeing out of the shower, Y/N took her medications and prepared for the night ahead; she plans for J to sleep in the second bedroom at the small cabin, thus she will spend the night on the couch in the living room, watching TV until she’ll doze off.

“Miss Crane,” The Joker emerges from the bathroom in a t-shirt and shorts. “Are we cuddling on that couch or do we have further arrangements?”

“Spare bedroom,” you grouchily mumble, getting comfortable under the blanket.

“I thought we’re cuddling buddies,” he pretends to be offended at your affirmation mostly since pushing the limit is encoded in his wretched DNA.

“We’re not cuddling buddies!”  

“My bad,” he grins. “I guess I was misled by your actions at the mansion.”

He has such a nerve bringing that up!

“I’m not the type of person to force myself on women,” The Joker innocently informs, “but can I watch TV with you? I’ll camp on the floor by the sofa which is my way to hint I need a bunch of soft blankets to pile up so I won’t break my back. I mean, it’s not very nice of you to deny me access on the couch; must I remind you I granted you free passage in my bed when you asked for it?”

“Are you for reals?!” an increasingly fuming Y/N shrieks slowly rolls out of her relaxing nest. “You were horrible to me and then tried to make it better just because you worried I’d tell Emma or my father! Well, rest assured: I’m not a snitch! You truly don’t have to extend your good will to such lengths on my account! It’s not necessary, ok?! You don’t have to drive here to bring my capsules, you don’t have to bring me food. You don’t have to do anything!!”

“Watch your tone!” J growls, displeased with your feisty attitude. “Do I have to remind you who barged into my privacy to take a peek at me naked?”

Your eyes are big at his derogatory insinuation: he’s playing stupid regarding the incident.

“I barged into your privacy?!” you shout, aggravated. “How can…”

“Umm…” The Joker interrupts, “…your nose is bleeding.”

You didn’t even detect the blood trickling down your skin and you touch it, confused. The King of Gotham watches you a few hesitant steps before you unexpectedly collapse to the ground. “Hey!” his voice echoes in and out. “Hey what’s wrong?... … Can you hear me?”

There’s this high pitch taking over your mind and you can barely discern bits and pieces of a conversation J is carrying with your father. You’re not even aware you’re in a moving vehicle, that’s how much you lost grip on reality.

“What’s in for me if I bring her over, huh?”

“I compensated you!!  Two Nightmare ampoules, a small fortune on the black market! Get off your fucking high horse and bring me my daughter, would you?!” an exasperated parent admonishes.

“Maybe I will stop the car and let nature follow its course,” The Joker fights back Scarecrow’s affront, yet your dad has plenty on his plate .

“If you do such a thing and she dies, I’ll hold you responsible and trust me when I say you don’t want me to hold you responsible!!!” the serious ultimatum prompts your chauffeur to take a sharp turn on Highway 68. “Am I on speaker?” Jonathan checks without given his apparent opponent a chance to rationalize his behavior.

“Yes!” J snarls, pissed at the stupid rescue mission entrusted to him.

“Y/N, hang in there! I’ll get stuff ready by the time you arrive, alright?” Scarecrow encourages his daughter, afraid of the severe consequences of the experimental drug she ingested.  

“Mmmm,” you moan in your daze, not being able to respond.

“Keep her alert; we can’t have her sink into a coma! I have to formulate an IV mixture to flush the Cromyxillium out of her system!”

“She’s completely out!” The Joker states although there’s nobody at the other end of the line anymore. “Who’s we anyway?!” he huffs and elects to give it a go regardless. “Y/N, how many kids we would have had if we were married?... … … … … I think the precise answer is at least 4, am I correct?” J blabbers on since you don’t engage in the conversation. “Great…I’ll be held liable for your demise,” he bites his lower lip, vexed things didn’t shine too bright for him; in fact, no matter how hard The Clown tries the blame it on somebody else, he dug his own hole on this one.

****************

You’re not sure how long you’ve been in the darkness, but the sharp poke in your arm makes you groan in pain.

“I’m sorry honey,” your father whispers. “We have to keep the IV for an hour, then I can take the needle out.”

“D-daddy…” you find the strength to stammer. “Am I… am I dying…?”

“No… No… I won’t let you die…” Scarecrow kisses your forehead, upset you don’t seem fine at all. “It’s my fault, I didn’t think you’ll have a reaction to Cromyxillium, not the way I bound the particles with the rest of the molecules.”

“You didn’t test it?” The Joker intervenes into a dialogue he should steer clear off.

“No, I didn’t have time to test it!” Jonathan hatefully stares at the man he wishes to strangle on the spot. “I don’t have time for anything!! Do you understand? My daughter is dying!! I’m not even that kind of doctor yet she’s breathing nevertheless due to my capability of manipulating compounds! Y/N would be 6 feet under with traditional chemotherapy, which proves I am doing a few things right!!! If Emma was sick, I’m certain you wouldn’t run your mouth like you do now!”

J wiggles in his chair, definitely about to erupt at Crane’s justified tirade.

“I’m so cold…” you utter, the ruckus adding to your general discomfort.

“That’s normal, it means the intravenous remedy is working; I’ll bring more covers,” Jonathan strolls out of the room only to gasp upon his return: J is snuggling with you, totally oblivious to your parent’s stupefied question: “What the hell are you doing??!!”

“I got off my high horse and I’m keeping her warm,” J stresses the importance of his random deed. “It’s not cheap thought! I demand…”

“You demand nothing!” Scarecrow covers you with more layers, irritated The King of Gotham has the audacity to milk out benefits in these circumstances; the latest wants to protest Jonathan’s vehement denial while not being conceded the prospect of such luxury:

“Dad…” you reach out your left hand and he sits by you, keeping the shaky fingers on his face. “Did… did you call Evelyn?” you barely blink, exhausted from the intensive treatment.

“I will…”

“You have to; I don’t want you to end up alone… She loves you… You could have more children with her… or at least one more…”

Jonathan Crane inhales, flustered his daughter is worried about him when she should worry about herself.

“I could have more kids, but don’t you know you’re irreplaceable?” he kisses your wrist and pretends to brush off the agony building up in his heart. “Don’t cry honey,” he wipes your tears, then casually shoves The Joker’s arm since is wrapped around your waist. “Your help is no longer required,” Scarecrow hints and his advice falls on deaf ears: J has important news that might switch the balance in his favor.

“I also called Emma on my way here to report about Y/N’s ordeal; she’s cutting her trip to New York short and I received strict orders to make myself useful until her arrival. Now, unless you want to deal with another pain in the ass besides your offspring, I suggest you tolerate my presence!”

Jonathan curls up in a ball on the vacant side of your bed, relieved to see you’re napping. "I didn’t feel the urge to punch someone in ages!” he sneers.

“Likewise!” The Joker barks too from behind your shoulder. “How come she passed out again?” he switches the subject and Jonathan explains without any trace of enthusiasm.

“I included a serum that promotes nice dreams in her IV bag: she’ll be in a deep sleep and envision things she likes.”

“Oh, that’s awesome. I’m sure I’ll pop up in there then,” the excited Clown Prince of Crime emphasizes to your father’s disapproval.

“I said things she likes!”

**************

10:12am

“Hello Miss Crane,” you are greeted as you narrowly open your eyes; it takes a minute to recollect from the dizziness and confusion of last night’s episode.

“Where’s my dad?” you lick your dry lips, noticing J by the windows.

“At the lab; he’s consulting with some doctors or whatnot and left me in charge,” he effortlessly forges half a truth with half a lie.

“Where’s my phone? I want to talk to him.”

“I think I left it at the cabin, I was in a hurry to get you here.”

“You drove me?...” you skeptically interrogate.

“Yeah, you don’t remember?”

“No…” you stretch while touching the band aid placed where the needle used to be. “Where’s Emma?”

“On her way back to Gotham; she called several times and tried talking to you but you were out.”

“Was I?...”

“U-hum,” J shakes his head. “I reckon she promised she’ll assist with your birthday party next week and she’s terrified you’ll kick the bucket in the meantime. She didn’t precisely articulate these sentences, but I‘m her dad: I can read in between the lines,” the proud Joker blurs out, loving the shocked look you display. “Am I invited to the celebration?”

You signal a no and he’s not discouraged by your vehement denial.

“Can I bring Mara?”

“Absolutely not!!!”

“Oh, so I’m actually invited but not her?”

He takes advantage of the speechless Y/N, setting up the stage for his own benefit:

“I can work with that,” he glares at you, gratified. “However, I can’t show at a party without a date; it’s not dignifying for a man of my social status. This leaves us with only one solution.”

“NO!” you protest because you can estimate his proposal.

“Cool, then we have a deal Miss Crane: you got yourself a date!”

“I already have a date!”

“Who?”  The Joker smirks. 

“Sam is my date for my birthday.”

“Sam as in Bane’s son?”

“Yes,” you squirm under the blankets, uneasy at the concept of having J as partner for the upcoming bash.

“Pfft,” he huffs. “That’s a huuuge load of baloney,” your own words from last night are used by the obnoxious green haired menace. “I’ll pick you up Wednesday at 3pm, ok?”

“The party is here at my house!”

“Ok, then you pick me up at 3pm.”

“I’m not picking you up!” you scoff at his nonsense.

“Damn, you’re hard to negotiate with,” The Joker scratches his chin. “Fine, I’ll bring myself here.”

You contemptuously stare at him, appalled he keeps on insisting when you declined his plan. On top of everything, the whole universe is getting the confirmation today that Jonathan Crane’s genius is frankly skipping a generation since you enunciate:

“Don’t be late!”

Also read: MASTERLIST

You can also follow me ON Ao3 and Wattpad under the same blog name: DiYunho.

#the joker x reader #the joker fanfiction #the joker imagine #the joker jared leto #the joker suicide squad #the joker #jokerleto #joker #joker fanfiction #joker imagines #joker jared leto #joker suicide squad #joker x reader #dcu #mister j #Mistah J #dc #Jonathan Crane #jonathan crane x reader

[whumppile]

Hey! I know you are busy but here is another Peter and Tony one! Where Tony is checking up on Peter's suit status during one of his patrol nights, making sure it is still functioning properly when he notices that Peter's vitals are a little off but he knows he's just sitting at the moment so doesn't make sense and then he looks through his vitals history and sees something off; i.e. Peter has an diagnosed heart problem which could very well kill him if he overdoes it and Tony goes into dad!mode

Hey, sorry this took sooo long and that it kind of got away from me. So, I dont know if this is really what you wanted but I hope you like it anyway! Thanks for the prompt! I’ll also post this on my ff.net and ao3 accounts as “Matters of the heart.”

Tony knew that everyone teased him about being overprotectiveof Peter, and he didn’t want to be one of those helicopter parents, especially sincehe wasn’t even Peters actual parent, but he couldn’t help it. The kid was likea magnet for trouble, and no matter how many rules and safety nets Tony laidout, Peter still went happily marching into danger, every time.

Tony did his best to protect him, but some things can’t bekept away with trackers, webs, and curfews.

“Peter, are you feeling okay?”

The teenager looked up from his sandwich, legs swinging ashe sat on the edge of the building, where he and Tony were perched for apost-mission snack.

“Yeah, why?”

Tony frowned at the lines and numbers scrolling across hisvision in his Iron-Man suit. Karen had notified him that something was offabout Peters vitals, but couldn’t pinpoint what, exactly, was wrong.

“Did you get hit at all?”

Peter put his sandwich down and frowned. “No, I stayed awayfrom them and just threw my webs; they never even touched me. What’s wrong?”

Tony wasn’t sure, that was the problem. Thankfully, it didn’tseem to be urgent and Peter really did seem fine, but the heart rate scrollingacross his vision was wonky and uneven.

“It’s probably just a glitch in the suit, but Karen thinksyour vitals are off, so finish that and we’ll go see Bruce.”

Peter groaned and rolled his eyes, as Tony sent theinformation to the compound to be ready for when they arrived. He knew why thekid was annoyed to be going, but heart abnormalities were not something tobrush off.

“It’s just to be safe, Peter.”

Tony really wished it had just been a glitch in the suit. But,when Bruce saw the suit readings he frowned, swiping through the data on thescreen next to the hospital bed he had Peter sitting on.

“What is it?” Tony really didn’t want to hear the answer,because he could tell by the look on his friend’s face, that something waswrong.

Peter looked between the two men, getting more nervous asBruce pulled Tony a little bit away to talk to him. Not that, that would work,since he had enhanced senses anyway.

“Peter, put your headphones in.” Of course, Tony would remember.

The teenager did as he was told but watched the two through thewindow, as they went to the next room to talk.

Bruce closed the door behind them, and did his best tostall, only making Tony more nervous.

“It could be nothing, I mean, we don’t really know muchabout how Peters abilities affect his-“

“Bruce, stop, just spit it out.”

The doctor sighed and wrung his hands in front of him,anxiously.

“His heartrate is irregular, it’s called an arrhythmia, andusually I wouldn’t really be worried because he seems fine but his bloodpressure is too high, even though he’s just sitting there. I want to do somemore tests and figure out exactly what’s causing this.”

Tony looked behind him, through the window to where Peterwas watching them, with those wide eyes. He turned back to Bruce. “Is thisserious? Do we need to call his aunt?”

The doctor hesitated, but nodded, shoulders sagging. He’dalways hated delivering bad news.

Tony didn’t want to tell her, because May Parker was just asoverprotective as he was, and he didn’t want her to feel as sick and worried ashe did. He wanted so badly to believe that Peter would be fine, and the testswould come back clean, but that kid had always attracted trouble wherever hewent, and he could almost feel the bad news coming.

She came quickly, though he told her there was nothing knownyet, and the tests hadn’t even begun, and they sat with Peter through everyscan, X-ray, MRI, EKG, and whatever else Bruce subjected him to. And then theysat there, in front of Bruce’s desk, holding their breaths, waiting for thenews.

“He has what’s called dilated cardiomyopathy, or DCM, it’swhen the left ventricle is enlarged and weakened, and since that’s the heartsmain pumping chamber, it lessens the hearts ability to pump blood. He probably didn’teven know anything was wrong, it often doesn’t present any symptoms at all, andalthough he seems okay now, it can be very serious.”

Tony felt like throwing up. Peter’s best super power hadalways been his heart, and now there was something wrong with it.

May had a hand over her mouth, muffling her voice slightlyas she spoke. “What does that mean? Is he going to be okay? What do we do tofix this?”

Tony was already picturing Peters face in his mind, and howit would fall when he told him he couldn’t be Spider-Man anymore. But thenBruce spoke, tone noticeably brighter than before.

“This sort of diagnosis, in any other fifteen-year-old,would mean big lifestyle changes, but Peter’s body can take far more than otherkids can. I don’t know how his enhanced healing is going to effect this, butPeter will be fine.”

May let out a sigh of relief, but Tony shook his head. “Hisheart doesn’t work properly, you can’t actually be suggesting we just leavethis alone. He can’t continue to be Spider-Man with something like this.”

His mind was already racing with awful images of Peterhaving a heart attack in the middle of a mission, but Bruce just adjusted hisglasses, unfazed.

“We aren’t going to just forget about this, Tony, I will beprescribing him a few medications to keep his blood pressure in control andother symptoms that might come up. And I’ll be keeping a close eye on him tosee how this progresses, but he isn’t actually unwell, he can keep doing whathe’s doing, and be perfectly fine.”

Tony knew that Bruce was the expert, but he couldn’t wraphis head around the idea of just letting Peter run into danger, with a heartthat didn’t work properly.

“You said this could be serious? Shouldn’t he be taking iteasy?”

Bruce gave him a sympathetic smile, and on anyone else itwould have been condescending, but on Bruce it just looked gentle. “Almosteverything is easy for Peter. He’s young, fit, and active, and he has super strengthand enhanced healing. He can catch a car with his bare hands and not even breaka sweat, so, as long as he feels okay and doesn’t take any damage to his chest,he can do everything that he was before. People with these sorts of heartconditions still lead active lives, in fact its encouraged that they do. We’llkeep an eye on his heart and his health, but he will be fine.”

May looked relieved, wiping at her eyes before standing andshaking the doctors hand. “Thank you, so much. I’m going to go see Peter.”

Tony wanted to believe that the teenager would be okay, but hecouldn’t let it go, he couldn’t do nothing. So, despite his aversion to beingthe helicopter parent, he would be.

…………

Peter slipped his suit on, returned after Tony tweaked a fewthings, and smiled as Karen greeted him.

“Hello, Peter.”

The teenager slipped out his window, ready to get back tohis nightly patrols, after spending a week doing tests and medication trialswith Dr Banner. He felt fine, and thankfully May and Tony were beginning to believethat he was.

“Hey, Karen. It’s really good to have you back.”

“It’s good to be back. How are you feeling? Any symptoms toreport?”

Pete sighed, rolling his eyes as he swung to anotherbuilding. “I’m fine. I should have known Tony would do something like this.”

Karen continued, pleasant voice doing nothing to make thequestions less annoying. “Have you taken your medication today?”

Peter was so sick of being asked that. “Yes. Can you stopasking these stupid questions and just tell me if there’s anything in the citythat I can help with? I’ll take another bicycle theft at this point.”

Karen hummed, stalling a little as the suit scanned itsowner. “Your blood pressure, and heart rate are in acceptable range, so, yes Ican do that.”

Peter frowned, running across the top of a building, andlooking out over the edge, at the people below. “Would you have not done it, ifmy heart rate was too high?”

She answered right away, making Peter groan in irritation. “Yes,Mr Stark has added new protocols to assist with keeping you safe, and monitoringyour heart. If you had presented any unusual symptoms, he would be called and Iwould prevent you from ‘diving headfirst into danger’ as he put it.”

“He doesn’t have to worry so much; Dr Banner said I’m fine.”

She still hadn’t told him if there was anything he could behelping with, so he sat on the edge of the building instead, watching the tinyfigures below.

Karen’s voice was softer, as if she understood and wanted tomake him feel better.

“I know, but he cares about you, and he can’t help butworry.”

That made Peter smile. “Thanks, Karen.”

He knew Tony worried of course, and he hated when peopleworried over him, but it was actually nice to know they cared. And, he may havehated all the rules and extra precautions but he really did try to be careful.The diagnosis had scared him too, and he didn’t want to stress out his hearttoo much, so, beating up bad guys and swinging around the city was easy, but maybehe’d leave catching cars, to people without heart problems.

Unfortunately, things don’t always work out the way you plan,and trouble would always find Peter, no matter what he did to stop it.

They really needed to sort out some kind of security systemfor earth, because aliens just kept popping up like mushrooms. Tony hadn’t wantedPeter to come, but they needed him, and he’d promised to stay back and firewebs from a distance. And, Peter had really wanted to keep that promise, butthe alien was fast, and its super strength made it hard for anyone to stop it.

So, he’d fired webs and tried to trap it, which worked,until it knocked every Avenger back into the street and loomed over Tony.

The Iron Man suit was banged up and scratched, and Peterknew that Tony wasn’t going to get to his feet in time to stop the meaty fistcoming towards him.

The teenager flung out a web, and swung out in front of hismentor, kicking the ugly ass alien in the chest to send it smashing into awall.

“Spider-Man, get out of here! You could get hurt!”

Peter took his metal hand and pulled him up from the ground,before firing another web and giving Tony a salute.

“You’re welcome!”

He went back to running across roof tops, and swingingaround the fight, keeping his distance, but what they hadn’t yet seen from thegross, half burnt, too tall, raisin looking alien, was that it could fly.

Peter heard a round of surprised exclamations, through hiscom, including his own, as the thing looked apparently angry at being kickedinto a wall by a baby spider. It stretched out its back, the ridges in itsspine elongating until it had formed bony, wrinkly wings, and launched itselfinto the air. Right after Peter.

What was stupid about it, was that Peter had actually beenfollowing the rules this time, with a little lapse in rule following in orderto save Tony, but he had gone right back to the side-lines when told to! He wasbeing good! Yet, the alien still came towards him, as Tony tried to stop itbefore it touched his kid.

Peter saw it coming, and he tried to swing out of the way, butthe beast was so fast he barely had a second before it was on him. He couldhear the team calling his name, desperately trying to get there in time, butall they could do was watch as it’s fist soared towards Peter’s chest.

Tony watched it, watched the eyes on Peter’s suit widen infear, and thought ‘god, no, why him’.

Alarms and warnings began screaming inside Tony’s suit,monitors going crazy as Peter fell, as if nothing but deadweight.

Tony flew down, catching Peter and soaring off to thecompound, as the alien screamed in pain, arrows, bullets, and a shield, hittinginto it until it’s body disintegrated, leaving nothing but a pile of ash and asmudge on a building.

Tony couldn’t breathe, because Peter couldn’t. Friday’svoice was panicked, as she recited his injuries and suggested treatments. “Heis having trouble breathing, his heart rate is too high, and his blood pressureis too low. He needs medical treatment immediately.”

Peter was gasping, desperately trying to drag air into hisdamaged chest, and Tony flew as quickly as he could, finally crashing through acompound window and landing in the med-bay, cradling the teenager against himas he gently pulled their masks off.

He had never seen the teenager so scared. His mouth was openand gasping, as his hands pawed at his chest, trying to stop the pain.

Bruce ran in, immediately coming over to the patient as Tonylowered him to the bed. The Doctor started pulling Peter’s suit off, yanking itdown to expose the teenager’s chest, and profusely apologising as Peterwhimpered.

Tony stepped out of his Iron-Man suit and grabbed a stethoscope,whispering to the teenager as he pressed the head to his chest. Bruce had beenteaching him everything there was to know about Peter’s heart condition, sothat he could help if needed.

“Shh, Peter, it’s going to be okay. Just try to lay stilland breathe.” He didn’t know if it was going to be okay, but he didn’t knowwhat else to say as Peter whimpered in pain, squirming under their hands, onthe bed.

What he heard did not make him feel any better. Peter’sheart was beating far too fast, and he had a murmur, a big one. Bruce hadexplained to him that a murmur was when blood was pumped through the valve, butflowed back into the heart chambers when the valve didn’t close off as itshould.

Tony froze, wishing he had imagined it. But Peter was cryingsoftly under him, eyes barely open as he tried to breathe, and Tony couldn’t denyit. He pulled the stethoscope away and turned to his friend.

“He’s…there’s a murmur.”

Bruce looked up from where he was fixing an oxygen mask ontoPeters face, and took the stethoscope form Tony’s hands so that he could checkhimself. He had the same look on his face as Tony did; shock, concern, anddread.

“The valve is collapsing.” Peter let out a strangled gasp asBruce ran to the doorway and called for help. Tony could barely keep standingas nurses and doctors rushed in, crowding around Peter and yelling things.

Tony heard surgery being mentioned, as well as emergencytransplants, and repairs, and his face crumpled, tears falling. And then heheard Peter’s voice, weak and out of breath, shaking with fear.

“Tony!”

The sea of medical personnel parted, allowing Tony throughto take the hand that Peter was holding out towards him. There were tearsstreaking down Peter’s temples into his hair, as he gasped out words behind theoxygen mask.

“Please don’t leave me!”

Tony squeezed his hand, and ran a hand through the kid’shair, brushing it back from his face as he forced a reassuring smile.

“I won’t, I promise. I’m staying right here, Pete.”

Peter looked up at him, those huge eyes afraid as hisfingers gripped Tony’s like a life line, the muscles across his chest contractingas he struggled to breathe. His mouth opened desperately as his breaths grewmore rapid and shallow, until they were nothing but tiny gasps.

“Pete?”

And then his eyes closed, and his fingers grew lax.

Tony squeezed his hand, but got no response, heart hammeringin his chest so hard he thought it might drown out his panicked words.

“Peter! No, come back, kid, come back!”

Arms wrapped around him, pulling him back from the bed, ashe screamed, Peter’s hand pulled from his to fall and hang from the bed.

Steve’s voice met his ears, close and full of grief. “Tony,let them take him. Let them help.”

He was being pulled away, and the nurses and doctors swarmedover the teenager, so that Tony couldn’t see him anymore.

He struggled in Steve’s hold, trying to get back to his kid.“No, I can’t leave! I promised him, I promised I would stay. Please, he needsme.”

But Steve’s arms didn’t relent, and he sagged to the flooras the gravity of the situation sank in. Peter was dying, and there was nothinghe could do to stop it.

……………

After four hours of surgery, and five days in bed in the medwing, Peter was alive and well, and recovering on the couch.

He was weak, and still sore, with a new scar down his chest,that scared Tony every time he saw it, but he was alive, and that’s whatmattered.

May had her arm wound him as they sat on the couch, under abundle of blankets, watching movies. Steve was sitting on the other side ofPeter, smiling when the kid nudged his arm. “Oh, watch this, this is the bestpart!”

Natasha and Clint swapped a bowl of popcorn and chipsbetween them, as Sam quietly explained to Bucky everything that was happeningin the movie. It should have been a nice night, but Tony couldn’t let go of thepanic every time he saw the heart monitor peeking out from under Peter’sclothes, or the dark circles under his eyes.

The kid was healing quickly, as always, but he still seemedso fragile, and Tony couldn’t trust that he was okay.

“Are you sure everything’s working properly? Because I readabout the complications and-“

Bruce patted his shoulder, as they stood in the next room,watching over their family. “Everything is working perfectly; the surgery wentreally well and he’s getting stronger every day.”

Tony rubbed a hand over his forehead, trying to get rid ofthe sick feeling he got everytime he remembered the way Peter had looked inthat hospital bed, after the operation. He’d been so small under the wires,tube in his mouth, and pale eyelids closed. May had cried as soon as she’d seenhim.

“I can’t go through that again, he can’t. I can’t let himkeep fighting and going out on missions, it’s too dangerous. He can’t beSpider-Man.”

Bruce sighed and pointed to where Peter was laughing on thecouch, as Clint tossed popcorn into the teenager’s mouth from across the room, occasionallytossing some into Natasha and Bucky’s hair just to make them throw a pillow hisway.

“Are you really going to take this away from him? And whatmakes you think you can? Do you remember when I stitched up a wound he got onhis shoulder, and told him he had three broken ribs, yet when you went to checkon him a mere hour later, you found him helping an old lady carry her groceriesto her car?”

Tony rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “Yeah, heinsisted he needed to help her, and that it hadn’t hurt to carry them at all, andthen when she tried to pay him for his trouble, he declined and told her thatit was his pleasure to help.” Tony found that his frown had turned into a proudsmile by the end of his story, and Bruce nodded.

“He can’t help but be a hero, it’s who he is, and you can’tstop it. He wants to help people, and no matter what you do to try to keep himfrom it, he will always find a way. It’s what makes him so special, and why youcan’t help but love him.”

Tony watched Peter giggle at the Avengers antics, Natasha andBucky pinning Clint to the ground and tipping the bowl of popcorn over his headas Steve scolded them for making a mess, Sam complaining that they were wastingfood.

The mechanic nodded, knowing Bruce was right.

“Yeah, and why no one else can either.”

Tony Stark had never been good at loving things; he alwaysmanaged to push them away or ruin them, and he couldn’t bear to lose Peter. So,he became a helicopter parent, and did all he could to protect him.

He didn’t want to give the suit back, because it was barely anythingmore than a red and blue invitation for the kid to get into trouble, but thesmile on Peter’s face was worth it.

That smile turned into a frown of confusion as the kid ranhis hands over the suits chest.

“It feels different, it’s stiff and thicker. What’s it madeof?”

Tony smiled proudly, crossing his arms and raising hiseyebrows. “Steve and T’Challa are friends now, and he got some vibraniummaterial to keep you safe.

Peter’s eyes went wide as he looked at the suit, beforelooking up at Tony with a confused expression.

“I thought after that whole mess, you wouldn’t want me doingthis anymore?”

Tony shrugged, about to pretend like he was the cool,relaxed guy that didn’t worry about anything at all, before rolling his eyesand relenting. “Bruce talked me out of banning you from it forever, but anywaythat stuff is super strong, lightweight, and bullet proof, so it’ll keep yourheart safe when you’re out saving people.”

Peter smiled, excited out of his mind. “Fuck yeah!”

“Peter!”

The teenager spread a hand in front of him innocently. “What?It’ll keep me safe and stop you from worrying. That’s cool.”

Tony smiled too. “Fuck yeah, it is.”

[aceofaces20]

What would be a valid thing to submit as evidence for adhd? I feel like my teachers never noticed anything, all it ever says on my report is 'quiet', and im in the uk and you need school reports for diagnosis, and i feel like i wont be taken seriously cos they dont say 'bouncing off the walls' or something

I feel you, nonny. I wasn’t diagnosed until college because I was just “quiet.”

Odds are, if a lot of the symptoms add up enough to make you SUSPECT you have ADHD, you probably have it. But more research is always good!

So like many things, ADHD is a spectrum. The two ends of it are Inattentive to Hyperactive- and then you have people like me, in the middle, with the Combined version. Some people have more Inattentive than Hyperactive, some have more Hyperactive than Inattentive. Everyone who has ADHD experiences the symptoms a little differently.

You can find about six thousand symptoms lists online, but here I’ll tell you things that usually don’t end up on those lists that my therapist told me a lot of her patients ended up experiencing aside from listed symptoms.

(Note: Initially I tried to keep these short. Yeah, that didn’t work. I bolded the important parts.)

1. Insomnia, or at least a super screwy sleep schedule. No joke, this can be super detrimental and will only serve to exacerbate your symptoms. “Just set a sleep schedule!! You’ll feel better!” they all say- Thanks Barbara if I had any control over when my brain chooses to sleep at all I wouldn’t have this issue, ok?

-a solution to this is to, in all actuality, condition yourself. Start ONLY using your bed for sleep. Get a little chair or something in your room if you’re also a hermit like I was growing up (mushroom chairs are gr9) and once you get out of bed, don’t let yourself get back on it for more than a few minutes unless you’re going to sleep.

Some nights it’s not enough, but in general for me personally this has been an actual lifesaver- I can go from being not tired to exhausted at the drop of a hat in normal life anyway (another symptom they don’t usually tell you about) so it’s nice to be able to make it work for me for once- I get into bed, maybe spend 30 minutes restless and then I’m out.

2. On the subject of sleep. You kids ever heard of the sleep of the dead? Because guess what, I have ignored literal fire alarms in dorms because of it. About 1-2 hours into my sleep I enter a state akin to a bear hibernating. I have slept through wake-up alarms, slept through emergency alerts, slept through FIRE alarms, slept though friends and family attempting to wake me… you get the picture.

3. On the note of the hibernating bear. You constantly wake up angry (or at least disgruntled) at the universe and take a really, really long time to power on. No, I’m not talking “a case of the mornings.” I’m talking it takes me until noon some days to actually feel somewhat alert. I’m talking feeling nothing but seething rage at anyone who tries to engage you in higher brain function before you’re fully awake.-the seething rage is more personal to me, but, every single last one of my friends who’s ADHD has issues getting up in the morning. There’s hating mornings, and then there’s hating mornings.

4. About mornings. You’re constantly late to anything in the morning because you just couldn’t “get going.” i.e., you knew and 100% wanted to get up and get moving but your brain said “nah, let’s just sit here on tumblr mobile for a while k?”-it’s very difficult to describe this part of executive dysfunction with words, because it comes off as laziness to a lot of neurotypicals. It’s not laziness. It’s having the motivation and and will and the drive to do something and not forgetting about it and it still doesn’t get done.

“Why didn’t you do x?” they’ll ask. And you just sit there thinking shit, you meant to, really, honest to god meant to, it was on your brain to do and yet all you could actually do that day was sit around and watch terrible TV. And then you feel terrible because YOU think you’re lazy.It’s not laziness. It’s executive dysfunction.

5. Another not so well known EXDYF fact: Mental math or memorization for you will always be the literal bane of your existence. Teachers always told me I was a “smart kid” in school (I am, but not the point) and then they’d wonder why I couldn’t memorize a five line poem.

Or I’d start off with a 60 on a math test, until my teacher would comb through my work by hand (only useful math teacher I ever had in high school tbh) and I’d end up with a 92 because nearly all of my mistakes involved basic arithmetic errors. Even though I was able to use a calculator on the test.

(One time I decided 21-19=14. To this day 8 years later I still do not know from what abyss my brain pulled that info from.)

“You’re smart! Just focus!” I can’t choose what my brain decides to focus on that easily, Sharon, not without a lot of crying and panicking.

6. But wait! You say. I have really obscure information from a fandom that I can infodump on someone at a moment’s notice! Surely that means I’m just Lazy and Unmotivated, right? I guess I just can’t be bothered to memorize the important stuff.

*Loud buzzer noise* Stop right there. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

I will take you by the shoulders and look deep into your eyes and make you realize that guess what? If you have an ADHD brain, you have NO control over telling your brain what is important and what is not. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Your brain decides, and you usually get no say in the matter.

This sounds bad, I know. And in terms of school, birthdays, appointments, it’s terrible. But you’re not helpless. It sounds trite, but, get a good goddamn calendar app on your phone and use the hell out of it for appointments and birthdays. And for school? Find those fandoms and use mnemonics. No, seriously.

7. Also on school: You procrastinate the hell out of everything. And I’m not talking normal “haha I’ll do it later!” procrastination. I’m talking serious, problematic, REPEATED “why the fuck can’t I just do it on time like a normal person” procrastination where you start blaming yourself for not doing it sooner like a neurotypical.

Listen, buddy ol’ pal (or however that goes), you’re not neurotypical. But listen- there’s actually a medical reason why you do this.

So everyone’s brains have reward systems, right? Your brain gives you the feel good when you do something you think you should. And later, a brain remembers that it got the feel good for doing the thingy thing.

In a brain with ADHD, that reward system malfunctions. Sometimes critically. Your brain chucks so much stuff it deems “unnecessary” out the window it chucked out that feel good you got when you turned in that homework on time, or cleaned out your car, or did some pilates for 30 minutes.

8. You want to know what doesn’t help with number 7 there? Another thing that won’t show up on symptom lists but that virtually everyone I know with ADHD (quite a few, actually. Turns out we hang out in packs because we’re usually the only people who can understand each other) about ADHD is how daunting large tasks or projects seem to an ADHDer.

So listen, more medical talk here. Remember that EXDYF thing? Yeah, this is part of that.

EXDYF makes it very, very hard (almost impossible, sometimes) to break down large tasks into smaller, more feasible tasks. You get nervous the longer you put off that paper (“this isn’t something you can spit out overnight!”) You’ve been sitting in front of your computer for hours, and the only word you have written down is “The”.

Honestly, I’m not sure why it’s actually super hard to break down large undertakings into smaller tasks for the ADHD brain. But! Solution.

-if you’re having a problem breaking down ANY sort of task, I promise there’s someone else who’s done it online.

Need to write a paper? Use a template. Need to clean out your car? Find a checklist, or have a friend make you one (cause Lord knows I can’t make one on my own). Need to make a presentation? Find a sample one online. Hell, this even works for taxes. (Gasp!)

Do NOT be afraid to ask for help with even personal large undertakings. If your friends are actually your friends, then they’ll relish the chance. Especially when you can turn around and blaze through a quarter of the important project you two (or however many) have due next week in four hours because of hyperfocus.

9. So, your focus. Totally trash, right? That is, until you hyperfocus.

Hyperfocus, to a neurotypical, probably sounds great. Tune out all distractions and get shit done, right?

Sure, Linda, if you can call being able to ignore things like the need to sleep, eat, and use the bathroom “tuning out distractions.” Time becomes a literal illusion. And damn do you pay for it later by your brain not wanting to do anything at all.

On the flip side, this is why ADHD people make fantastic emergency workers like EMTs and firepeople. If you learn what to do with adrenaline when you start feeling it, you feel like you could punch Satan himself when you’re riding an adrenaline+hyperfocus high. Combine that with the fast-paced, unexpected nature of such jobs and and you have a happy ADHD brain because it’s never bored.

10. Because boredom feels like death. No, Cheryl, I’m not being overdramatic. Yes, Becky, I recognize everyone has to deal with boredom.

A neurotypical’s boredom and an ADHDer’s boredom are two very different levels of boredom. Ever heard the phrase “bored to tears”? Now imagine every time you get even a little bored, it’s like this.

And of course, the ADHD hell brain remembers the bad feels of being bored but can’t recall how nice it was to remember all of the answers on a quiz that one time you paid attention in class.This is why I have the worst problems doing homework and housework, or in general anything with serious repetition (exercise, cooking, driving, tidying up etc.). I can do it for maybe 10-15 minutes, and then my brain’s like “k I’m good. Next source of input please?” like, brain, I’m only like 3 feet into washing the kitchen floor. P l s.

11. Speaking of tears. Has rejection by someone you value ever felt like you wanted to quit existing on the spot, or at the very least wanted to move to an ice cave in Greenland and cry for the rest of your life? Even if the rejection was just perceived rejection and your friend was just expressing grumpiness at something else?

Even if your logic says “they didn’t reject you calm down you’re overreacting?”

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. It’s a newer term, but honestly, once I found out about my own ADHD and this bitch of a symptom a loooooooot of my weird habits started making a lot of sense in my head.

It doesn’t have to be actual “rejection”. It can get set off from stuff like awkwardness (hence my personal resistance to making Adult Phone Calls) to disbelief (a huge, huge reason so many people go undiagnosed), to personal judgment and/or criticisms (oh, ok… I guess I’ll never mention my love for X ever again) to even just indifference (no one noticed I mopped all the floors in the house… guess I’ll just go die!).

Basically, if you perceive that someone you care about has dismissed you in some fashion, you literally just want to quit existing. On the spot. Because the feeling of it makes you feel sick, your chest gets tight, you can feel it in your hands, and it makes the rest of your day miserable.This variant is more likely with people you care about, but can definitely 100% happen with strangers too.

Another variant is this: if you perceive that someone (whether you care about them or not) has dismissed you in some fashion, your first instinct is to attempt to disregard and discard them completely. It usually doesn’t work like you want it to.

I’m pretty sure this is another reason why ADHD people hang out in packs. We always have a line in our head we’re terrified to cross with our friends. It makes us seem like we’re emotionally unavailable- but in reality we’re just terrified of being dismissed by our friends for showing our true geeky, infodumping, hyperfixating selves.

(Listen. If a friend mocks you for your true self they weren’t your friend in the first place.)

12. But in terms of crossing that line… Social cues? What are social cues?

Normal people can infer a lot from body language. With a lot of ADHD people, we tend not to notice. Or we notice too much and overanalyze. There’s no in between.

On a side note, your best bet for flirting successfully with an ADHDer is to just come out and say it. (Talk like an elcor. “Flirtatiously: I want to hear more.” or whatever innocent phrase it is you’re using to flirt. If they’re into Mass Effect, this will make them laugh, which means bonus points for you in their eyes.)But seriously, unless you’re making obviously romantic overtures we’re usually pretty sure you’re just being nice.

Back on topic: lack of social ability is a massive, massive reason people with ADHD are usually bullied growing up. If there aren’t any other ADHD people around, it usually feels like no one “gets” you. I was bullied horribly enough during junior high and high school to the point where I still have to repress the urge to automatically assume someone being nice to me means they’re plotting something behind my back. (Didn’t help that my hs was basically the Korriban Sith academy without most of the death. Culty, religious, nepotism ran rampant.)

13. Woe betide thee who angers the ADHD. It's not a problem with everyone, but... We’re like volcanoes. Awe-inspiring to watch in action, but God help you if we explode in your direction. And if it’s righteous anger there is almost literally no stopping us.

Anger has its uses. Our problem is that, like a volcano, we always have a lot simmering under the surface. We tend to hold onto it for ridiculous amounts of time until one day, boom. Yeah, I know, Kathy, that happens with everyone. Delayed gratification and all. The difference with ADHDers is that we usually don’t wait.

ADHDers’ anger will come out initially, because we can’t suppress it. We’re impulsive as fuck. We don’t think before we leap (our brains probably wouldn’t let us anyway). And it will seem like we are flying off the handle for no reason whatsoever. But we also have a tendency to unhealthily hold onto it afterwards even once the initial burst has happened. It’s like a (bad!) positive feedback loop.

14. Gotta bounce the leg. Gotta rock. Gotta fidget. Shit, I’m sorry, were you talking?

So one time I made it through 40 minutes of a math class actively suppressing the urge to bounce my leg… and then my leg twitched of its own accord. Freaky as shit, 0/10 recommend.

Sitting still is physically impossible for me, and for a lot of ADHDers. Lack of impulse control + lack of social cue knowledge + lack of ability to decide what’s important to our brains = Fidget fidget. Fidget fidget. Twitch. Fiddle with paper. Hey, my backpack has a fun texture by the zipper. Oh my God, that lady on the TV is wearing the best shade of blue ever! I wonder where she got it. Shit, I need to go shopping. Wait, why did I need to go shopping again?

“Hey I asked you what you got for number 7.”

Fuck.

15. Depressive episodes. For me, these usually happen after a major hyperfocus where I taxed my brain for all it was worth, especially for long periods of time.

If it lasts for a long time or starts seriously affecting your life, get it checked out. If your doctor gives a damn they’ll be happy you came in to get it checked, even if it was the wrong diagnosis, because if it had been then at least they were there to help you. And they’ll always be happy to sit down and figure out what’s wrong. I know they have to watch out for hypochondriacs and whatnot. But if a doctor really cares about helping people they’ll listen when you say something’s wrong, because they know that you’re the one in your skin, not them. Which means if you really think something might be wrong, something probably is.

More evidence: justexecutivedysfunctionthings here on tumblr. Contains people’s experiences with EXDYF, which is a huge red flag for ADHD.

The Wikipedia article on the subject. There’s a nicely organized chart. (Or at least there was when I looked at it.) Remember, you don’t have to identify with all of the symptoms to be ADHD. Even if you only identify with a few, if they’re significant enough that they are seriously impacting your life and existence, it’s worth getting checked out.

I may add more to this later/change some stuff as my memory allows.

#long post #adhd #asks

[eeveelutionsforequality]

About Split: I think it might be based on Billy Milligan; he was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder after he got arrested for three rapes. He had 24 personality, and apparently three of them committed the three different rapes. And like the 24th personality was used for achieving fusion of the other 23. Idk if this changes anything, I just wanted to give another point of view about this issue

But did he turn into a superpowered cannibal that could climb walls?

Like I said, my problems with the film aren't that it portrays someone with DID as capable of bad things, because we are, everybody is - we can be the bad guy, the good guy, and everything in between. In fact, each alter has the potential to be any one of those things. I accept that, and I accept that storytelling might use the fact that one face can hide two very different people to create tension, fear, confusion, and that's perfectly fine in my opinion.

What bothers me about the film is that DID alone isn't a superhero backstory - we can't change our bodies, we aren't "the next stage in evolution", we aren't "on a higher plain", we can't "alter our chemistry", as the movie proposes - we aren't mystical, magical beings. The psychiatrist in the film uses misconceptions about DID, describes that number of alters like it's unheard of, and promotes popular misinformations like that it can "cure blindness" (when in reality, it can simply cause like a psychosomatic blindness or other problems for certain alters, or lessen the degree to which things the body suffers with affect certain alters - for example, if a specific alter is a coping mechanism for a leg injury caused by the abuse, they may be unable to feel or use that leg long after the initial injury is cured, because the brain, when they're in control, believes that the leg is still damaged; or it can create a sort of placebo effect where the brain doesn't believe it has certain symptoms when a specific alter is present, so they present less, like when cancer sufferers drink "magical water" and feel better for a bit despite the water doing nothing). Contrary to what the psychiatrist character in the film says, DID couldn't cure blindness that was caused by any actual physical damage, in the film she says it "healed the nerves" but... it. can't. do. that - either the damage would have healed anyway or it wasn't there to begin with; people can become blind for various reasons, and some blindness is caused by the subconscious mind not communicating what the optical nerves say to the conscious mind, those people can still navigate rooms or smile back, but they don't know why they're doing it since they think they can't see, so an alter could have that type of blindness while another does not, which to an uneducated observer may appear like DID curing blindness. Does the film explain that? Does it use what can actually happen? Nope. It just makes up a bunch of nonsense about DID to explain the impossible scenario, instead of going "actually there's a real world explanation of why this happens, should we use that?" the writers went "lets make up something that sounds cool".

There's a Marvel mutant called Legion, and his mental illnesses (schizophrenia in some incarnations, DID in others) is linked to his mutation and interacts with it, but his mutation, his father being Prof. X, is why he has those powers, not his mental health issue. It would've been easy for Split to take a similar path, to come up with a separate reason for Billy/Dennis/etc's body to be mutated and then have their DID interact with that. But instead the film promotes the misinformation that people with DID have "unlocked" their mind, that they're capable of great feats of transformation (and not just the fact that he can change his clothes in 13 fucking seconds while switching), and so on.

It's like making a Deadpool who's powers were caused by his cancer - not by anything done to him while he had the cancer, not by the mutant gene, not by an unheard of magical strain of cancer, just by normal run of the mill cancer - and that ALL cancer sufferers have this magical, superhuman, mega evolved thing inside of them. Except in this hypothetical, there's also a common myth in the real world that it actually is possible for cancer to cause things that in reality it can't cause, and that cancer sufferers are dangerous, unstable, and the worst of the worst. People would want to correct that, and people would think that it's sloppy researching.

I guess, what it boils down to is that I'm complaining about bad writing and a lack of research. They came up with an unrealistic premise and, instead of delving deeper into the condition and deciding to create a situation in which the disorder and something else worked together to create "The Beast", they just sort of ran with "No this can totally happen"... AND THEN added a character who is supposedly an expert on this and had her spew some pseudoscience at the screen, that some people out there actually buy to a lesser extent.

I just don't like bad science. It's why I love The Martian so much, because it's a sci-fi film that's 99.9% based in scientific fact. Whereas, when I'm watching a sci-fi or horror film and I see something that can't happen, it takes me out of the film, and it annoys me because as a writer I research EVERYTHING and I hold other people to that standard. There are authors who studied historic London city maps meticulously for weeks and continuously while writing the books, and then there are authors who go "Eh, it probably had a bunch of poop everywhere so I'll just describe that and hope they don't notice that my character has taken eighty seven rights and then a left into what would actually be the river", and you can tell when reading or watching their work.

Also the term is "integration", not fusion. I nitpick. That is my problem. And given that I know quite a bit on this topic for obvious reasons, everything I saw of this film - adverts, reviews, clips, etc - bugged me. I will watch the film in full one day, but at the moment I'm too sick to get through that length of time of anything remotely triggering (which sucks because I also want to rewatch The Voices to talk about how the two differ and what makes The Voices a better film, despite both being films with mentally ill bad guys).

Anyway, yeah, I respect that some people like it, feel free to watch it... Just... Remember not to get your understanding of things from movies. And I know that sounds obvious to anyone with a brain, but the number of people I've seen (mostly on Facebook, some irl, some on YouTube) use "...like in Split", or use it as an example of someone with DID, or reference things said in the film to support their incorrect argument, is what probably really set off my dislike for this movie. Up until then I was just "ugh, another typical movie getting shit wrong, using misinformation, that everyone's complaining about because we need representation but no don't portray us like that, or like that, or like that, we are literal angels who are happy all of the time and if you show us being bad or unhappy then you're promoting ableism and blah blah blah", but seeing people genuinely fall for the bullshit in a movie pissed me off and sent me on a bit of a tirade a while back. I've since taken a step back and am more on the "It's just a movie" bandwagon, but I criticize other movies and media when they get things wrong so I'm not going to not criticize this one just because some people are going "It's just a movie, Jesus, you only care because you have DID and it hurt your feels to be the bad guy". Cause I think that's shitty of them and I think that's really misrepresenting my problems with this film from the beginning.

~ Vape

#Mod Vaporeon