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razanartuk · 3 years

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about me tag game thing

i was tagged by the wonderful @nothingunrealistic! thank you very much ily <3

under read more bc i was not capable of keeping my answers brief this time around

why did you choose your url?

this...was supposed to be a short explanation but it turned into quite a tale so strap in i guess because we are going on a ride. back in 2017 i was just getting into musical theatre rp and i was still feeling too shy to really talk to anyone ooc so i would just wait for people i wanted to interact with to post starter calls so i could just do things in character with them the easy way. So i did this with my friend cam, who posted a starter for me using a lyric from If I Could Tell Her. she linked the song so i could listen to it, so i did and i went ‘wait a minute, is that Ben Platt from Pitch Perfect?? (and other things too, but i only recognized his voice at the time bc of the acappella girl movies)’ and yes it certainly was.

i had zero idea what the plot of Dear Evan Hansen was about at that point, and for some reason based off Just That One Song and the poster art of who i assumed was Some Guy in a Polo Shirt i started to think it was about some jock guy who broke his arm and had an emo/goth friend who had either died or gone missing under mysterious circumstances. also i intuited that Evan had a crush on his friend’s sister but he couldn’t tell her that directly or his emo friend would kick his ass. so i was like mostly wrong, but a little bit right.

oh and i knew jared and alana were characters from the show bc cam said that they were i think?? but i had no idea what their role was. so after listening to if i could tell her, i listened to good for you and all i really got out of that was that evan the apparently not-jock guy had done...something... that really hurt jared and alana. and at that point i finally decided to go look up a plot synopsis and i found out i was waaay off base. but honestly this is why cast recordings should include scene dialogue in the songs bc otherwise you just get soundtracks like dear evan hansen where the songs have like. zero context. we really just go from waving through a window to for forever to sincerely me without like. any reason as to what is happening huh. It’s honestly not a surprise anymore that all those people on twitter had no idea the plot isn’t about gay teenagers.

anyways. cam was writing jared and she made a post at one point about wishing somebody would write alana and i was like ‘oh i could do that!’ (after i had actually Seen a bootleg and finally knew what the whole story was, of course) so i made a multimuse rp blog featuring alana beck, nabulungi hatimbi, chloe valentine and some other characters, and cam started sharing her headcanons with me that alana is trans, jared and alana were close friends when they were little kids but they sort of drifted apart as they got older and their priorities in life changed, jared was the first person alana came out to when she realized she’s trans, etc.

one night i started talking about wanting to pick a more theatre-relevant url for my blog and trans-[character name] urls were getting pretty popular, and at least 3 of the friends i made through rp had changed theirs to coordinating trans-[character name] and i think it was cam suggested i should make mine be trans-alana so i did. eventually i realized the unhyphenated version was available so i changed it to transalana with no hyphen and i have lived here ever since. sometimes i think about changing it but i feel like transalana has become a part of My Brand and i am not so great with coming up with cool names for things.

any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

in theory, i have sideblogs... i don’t really use them, but of the ones i do have, there is:

emsbookblog - this was supposed to be where i would post excerpts of the book that i’m working on, but i think i did that maybe one time roughly 2 years ago and then promptly forgot about it/got nervous about my writing and was scared to share anything else. the rest of the stuff that is there is assorted writing tips. i don’t really know what to do with it now. i probably should post all my little thoughts about em and anita and caleb there instead of infodumping on my main from time to time, but if i do that then i have to promo a sideblog and direct people over to it which is always annoying to me when i could just do it on this blog which is much easier

dearnovelhansen - this is basically no longer used, but was a sideblog i made specifically to talk/complain about the novel adaptation of Dear Evan Hansen which was about 3 years ago?? maybe? i can’t be trusted to understand the passage of time. but to summarize: i thought it was an honor just to have the story be made more accessible since many of us couldn’t see the stage performance, but i hated a lot of the creative liberties that were taken. my main grumbles are that everyone who isn’t evan or connor is done so dirty in the novel. connor’s still kind of done dirty in the book, but not as much as like. heidi, alana, jared, and zoe are.

horseisle3 - this one was meant to be a place where i could just enthusiastically post screenshots from hi3, but instead it turned into a blog where i occasionally reblog other players’ hi3 content and bitch about how bad the game admins are bc hi3 is the tumblr famous (infamous?) homophobic horse game. the game where it was once okay to call your club store the gulag bc according to their head of hr, ‘it’s just a russian word for prison’ but you can’t say ‘im gay’ without somebody accusing you of corrupting young children who play the game. unfortunately there aren’t very many good interactive horse games out there, so this one is still about as good as it gets. it’s either that or star stable and i don’t care about star stable.

mlaenie - i’ve had this url saved for i don’t even know how long. way way way back in the day when i wanted to escape from the clutches of the onceler fandom i abandoned my first blog where i basically had an alter ego i guess?? and i decided to just be myself on the new blog. i don’t fully remember who came up with it, but one of my sister’s mutuals suggested that if you scrambled the letters in your name you could come up with aesthetic-looking urls. so lauren’s url became lrauen, and to match with her mine became mlaenie, which i abandoned on tumblr after about a year or so? but have continued to use as my main username on twitter, reddit, youtube, xbox, steam, and discord. i barely ever use any of these accounts aside from twitter, steam, and xbox, but yeah. so i’ve decided to try and turn this empty sideblog into a place for video game thoughts maybe. we’ll see how long it lasts this time around.

how long have you been on tumblr?

i made my first tumblr account in december of 2010, but i didn’t understand how to use it at all or how to customize my theme to look cool and unique so i quickly abandoned it. i made a new account in september of 2011 after some kids at school and my sister told me i should and i have been trapped here with varying degrees of activity/inactivity ever since. i have witnessed the rise and fall of the lorax/onceler fandom, hyperfocused on lord of the rings, star wars and back to the future all at the same time, and for the past 4 years i’ve mostly been a musical theatre blog with assorted other fandom stuff mixed in. i feel i have seen everything and nothing, but mostly i’m just tired and bored.

do you have a queue tag?

no bc i don’t use a queue. i’ve tried using it in the past but i irrationally feel pressured to sustain a coherent theme to queued posts and my brain simply does not vibe with that so i just don’t use it at all anymore. Instead i instantly reblog or post several unrelated thoughts in succession and then don’t post again at all for 3 days. the way god intended

why did you start your blog in the first place?

my very first blog was intended to be a place for me to post all of my petz 5 animals’ profile info, but i didn’t have any understanding of how coding worked at all and i don’t think i really wanted to learn, either. so it just sat there, unused. my second attempt at blogging was as a classic rock fandom person, so as you can probably imagine i was pretty pretentious about ‘modern pop’ vs the beatles, the rolling stones, the who, the monkees, and so on. and then i slowly devolved into a lorax fandom blog and everything went to shit so i made a new blog for lord of the rings/the hobbit which later evolved to include star wars and back to the future blogging. and then for the past 4 years i’ve been mainly a musical theatre blog with other random stuff i like thrown haphazardly into the pot. wonderful.

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

because my url is transalana and two of my most prominent lgbt headcanons are that alana beck is trans and a lesbian. i gotta be shouting out @kinqmike though bc she’s the one i adopted the trans alana beck headcanon from in the first place!

why did you choose your header?

in 2017 i was hyperfixating on Dear Evan Hansen (and Be More Chill, but there weren’t many gif-able videos then considering it ran for a month in New Jersey in 2015 and there was only one yet-to-resurface 35 minute bootleg) so i just grabbed a random gif off of google. i really should get to replacing it with a new header of my own though. i just don’t know what i should do for it.

what’s your post with the most notes?

i have lost track of how many notes it has (i think it’s somewhere around 200 now?) but when Will Roland and George Salazar performed Two Player Game on Good Morning America, i posted a screencap of their Jeremy and Michael along with that one quiz answer meme that says stuff like ‘i want to see it grow up healthy’. i didn’t tag it with any ship names or anything because i was anxious about having it show up in the tags, but somebody who reblogged it from me did tag it as boyf riends and i firmly believe it took off because of that. i don’t think i make posts that are relevant enough to amass thousands of notes, even by accident. which is probably a good thing bc if i did i would have to block so many of them.

how many followers do you have?

on this blog? 175 according to the counter. how many of those are still real people and how many are bots and abandoned accounts? i have no idea.

how many people do you follow?

i try to keep it somewhere around 200. i think i’m sitting at 180 right now but i kind of need to go through and clear out the really inactive blogs.

have you made a shitpost?

let’s think about this for a second. i’ve been on tumblr for nearly 10 years. you might even be able to say i’ve made more than one. they’re just not what you would call...popular shitposts.

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ post?

that stuff makes me so incredibly anxious that i have to fight the urge to want to yeet my laptop or mobile device through the closest window whenever i read it, so i try very hard to avoid any sort of ‘if you don’t reblog this, i’m judging you’ posts. i find them very manipulative and not particularly helpful

do you like tag games?

yeah babey!! i just frequently forget to do them, but please know that if you have ever tagged me in a tag game i felt incredibly touched by the gesture and the @mention even if i completely forgot to do the thing afterward

do you like ask games?

i do! but also rip to literally anyone who has ever sent me an ask meme bc it takes me so long to answer them. i’m still working on a micro fic prompt from a few weeks ago. also, horrified to realized that it has in fact been a few weeks and not 3 days anymore.

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i don’t know that any are tumblr famous as a whole. but probably @neverheardnothing

do you have a crush on a mutual?

in any sort of romantic connotation? no. not that i’m aware of. there are mutuals that i have friend crushes on where i want to be friends with them but i get so anxious when it comes to meeting new people that usually nothing ever comes of it. i’m really not good at small talk or other casual conversation either which, as you may or may not be able to imagine, sucks. i just wanna skip over all of the awkward introductions and ‘hey how are you, how is life, what are you doing with yourself?’ stuff. not because i don’t care about it. i do, but i think most of my friends/the people i want to be my friends are also depressed and anxious so asking these basic questions about life tends to uh. make us all nervous. and i don’t do much with my life so i always have the most boring answers anyways.

i’m not tagging anyone officially bc the @ thing has just completely given up on me at this point, but if you want to do it, go for it. and then say i tagged you so i can read it c:

#mel.rtf #abt me #tag games

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dekiiru · 6 years

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okay sorry it took so long for me to write and post this, but im home now and in the silence to be able to gather my thoughts and the peace to be able to write them down. a lot of this is me working through my own thoughts as i write it so im sorry its so long, but im still a little bit confused on how to feel about this, largely, i think, due to shock.

i had no clue about almost any of the stuff julie did or said to people. i knew of the miles thing to some extent (i didnt know why miles was uncomfortable with him, i only knew about the aftereffects) and i knew about the vague story surrounding why maddy, jay and marina didnt like him, although i had never actually spoken to them before.

my initial reaction to the callout was to get defensive, because that was someone i considered my friend and although somewhere i think i knew or had some inkling that he was like this, i chalked it up to mistakes and people jealous of his popularity because i wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. but the more i read the callout (i never finished it, partially because i had to take screencaps of the posts and painstakingly slowly read through them because the nature of my work makes it very difficult to focus on things for more than a few seconds at a time and partially because by the time i stopped, i had already made my decision regarding him) the more i realized that defending his actions isnt something i can, should, or would do.

and regarding the “sc/hool sho/oter” post, i live in america. in fact, i lived about 5-15 minutes away from where one of these sc/hool sho/otings happened (i lived for several years in roseburg, oregon, and the sh/ooting at u.c.c. happened a year or two after i moved to where i live now). i knew people who went there. i knew one person who died. the day it happened i broke down in the middle of marching band because i had no idea whether or not the friends i knew for three years were alive or dead and that fucking terrified me. and when it happened, i told julie over discord (because i was working when i heard about it) that i did not condone his actions or words and that it was wrong of him to say, but (and i still stand by this), it is not the place of anyone who was not even indirectly affected by a shooting to decide whether or not someone is worthy of redemption. no, julie should not have reblogged that post and while it is totally fine for you to be uncomfortable to interact with him because of it, i think only people who have been directly affected by sc/hool shoo/tings have the right to decide if he is worthy of forgiveness - for that. the rest of it is a different matter.

a few months ago i actually went through this with someone else. i wrote a callout post for daisy, a mercy blog in the overwatch fandom who deleted shortly after i wrote it. (if any of you want to see that callout, let me know and ill send it to you. i will admit here and now that there was something i shouldnt have added in there, but it was added with good intentions, but regardless, daisy’s callout really has nothing to do with the situation with julie and nothing to do with what is happening now. shes gone. im just making a connection to this situation.) it was a very similar situation; manipulation, hypocrisy, turning people against others, saving face and caring more about reputation than anything else. and while i was absolutely terrified of daisy’s situation happening again, where i get really really close with someone and then find out they manipulated the fuck out of me, i was also scared to lose friends, and i think thats a big part of why i wanted so badly to match or whatever, because i really really really wanted a place to belong, where i felt special and unique and yet part of a group and in the end that really fucked me over and made me blind to what was happening. i defended him (albeit not for long, ive only spoken to him for a few months now) for things i shouldnt have defended him for because i was terrified of losing people and im so sorry about that.

as for the callout itself: i will say that i do think there are two sides to every story. im not saying julie is a victim in this or that he is to be sympathized with, because at the end of the day, he hurt a lot of people and its good that the word was spread before more people got hurt. i dont agree that it is “a cis persons responsibility to make sure people know they are cis” because that kind of mindset will only lead to a witch hunt, but im not going to make a fuss about this because i know some other genderqueer people are more uncomfortable about cis people than i am and at the end of the day that is a personal opinion. i think some of the callout was worded with bias which probably, in some situations, did slightly twist the truth, ONLY because it is a callout and it is really difficult not to twist the truth in them even when they are written as formally as possible, HOWEVER while most of the time i disregard callouts (because a lot of them are written entirely based on personal bias because someone doesnt like someone else rather than on an actual need for people to be warned), this one was written very eloquently and very well. as someone who has been on that side of things, im really really proud of the people who contributed to it, especially those that werent afraid of giving their names out, because that is a really really hard thing to do, especially when its for someone really popular. i remember when i wrote one for daisy, i was almost sick to my stomach with the anxiety, and really pleasantly surprised when it was received much better than i expected. i am really proud of you guys, and thank you for letting me and everyone else know the truth of what happened.

however, that callout was not an attack, nor was it intended to be, and by people sending julie hate, youre just making the situation worse. i believe, in my personal opinion, that the best thing to do is to block and move on. we can come together as a community, and while julies actions wont go away, hopefully we can heal and understand from them. and i really want to thank manny for that post, because similarly to daisy, it is the people closest to the person in question who are left most in the dark. as julies friend, i had no idea about almost anything that was there and honestly, im glad now that i do. thank you for understanding that the people who associated with him are not always aware of what he did.

anyway this is really disorganized and im sorry, thats just my thoughts on the matter (as much as i can think anyway), and i hope it makes some sort of sense. i will be hardblocking julie on all of my blogs and changing the urls to both my izuku blog and my ouma blog and my icon for this blog. if you choose to continue to interact with julie, thats on you and i wont reprimand you, block you or unfollow you for it. please do not associate me with him anymore, though, add me to any groups anywhere with him, or tag me and him in the same posts.

and, as i said before, because i really want to get this point across, if you are uncomfortable with me because i interacted with him so much and so intimately and wish to hard or softblock or unfollow me, that is perfectly fine and i understand completely. i only ask if you softblock me that you let me know so that i dont accidentally follow you again, because i dont want to make anyone uncomfortable with my presence.

#⥺ ⥼ ❛ toes ? toes ? toes ? t ( ooc. )#long post //

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24hrfilm · 6 years

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AMERICAN BEAUTY

Kinda good, but kinda not.

Let me start this review by saying that I didn’t like American Beauty. I had heard of so many people raving about this movie and felt rather dissapointed after watching it. I didn’t feel ‘enlightened’ as people said I would. I felt icky and needed a snack. That was it.

American Beauty is one of those films that is on pretty much every ‘20 MOVIES YOU MUST WATCH BEFORE THE EARTH IMPLODES AND EVERYTHING GOES TO HELL’ list. However, I never got around watching it. The few screencaps I’d seen were not cinematographically mind-blowing (except for the flower scene, I guess that one was pretty impressing. And, of course, as a teenage girl who’s film repertoire consists of romantic comedies, coming of age films, and maybe a few psychological drama’s (a rare find in my film collection), I was not immediately attracted to this comedy/drama.

American Beauty tells us the story of Lester Burnham, a middle aged, white male unhappily married to his tense wife. The couple has one daughter, Jane, who is pretty much the prototype of what society thinks of as a Troubled Teenage Girl. Lester feels as though he’s in a constant trance, and is indifferent to his wife’s words or his daughter’s attitude. Tired of being stuck in his rut, Lester decides to throw his life around when he gets a crush on Jane’s best friend. The daily life of the Burnham changes drastically as Lester starts working out and smoking weed, stops tolerating his wife’s constant stream of insults. Throughout the story, more characters get involved, including the new neighbours, a conservative, radical navy seal and his son, a teenage rebel with drug issues.

First off, I want to talk about the film’s lead role, which is played by Kevin Spacey. Kevin Spacey has been accused of sexual misconduct and sexual advances towards young boys over 15 times, even way before the rise of the #metoo-movement. Kevin Spacey plays the role of a middle-aged man constantly objectifying a teenage girl. Even though he’s playing a character, I can’t help but feel extra uncomfortable watching the film. Whether artists/actors are detached from their work is an ongoing controversial topic. I’m not sure whether this sexual misconduct also happened on the set of American Beauty, but I do want to acknowledge the fact that he is not someone that I want to support, and I can’t write a review without calling that out first.

So, what are my likes and dislikes of the film?

An exceptionally strong asset of this film is the character development. Every character is very thought through and contains many different layers, just like us humans. Their actions are often inexplicable (I’m talking to you Lester, what the fuck were you doing man) and almost all of the characters undergo a big or small evolution. I was especially intrigued by the neighbours and their family dynamic. The navy seal is both abusive, but strangely loving, his wife looks like she’s in a constant state of shock, probably caused by the abusive nature of her husband. The Boy Next Door is a troubled teenager who spends his days secretly filming the Burnhams’ everyday life. It is revealed that he spent a few years in a mental hospital due to a drug addiction. He now deals in secret, because his violent father cannot find out that he still uses drugs. The way these characters are portrayed is extremely interesting.

I must admit that I was slightly dissapointed by the cinematography. The iconic scene with the roses and the girl was okay, but the remaining scenes were pretty unexceptional.

American Beauty starts off easily and slowly progresses, then rapidly shifts into a thriller like-ending. I think the storyline is interesting, as it depicts lust, dreams, the mundane and the exceptional, the American Dream and love in its many different shapes and sizes. The film revolves around the definition of ‘normal’, and how it’s something very superficial and abstract. And while these are interesting themes to explore, the way it was done made me feel uncomfortable. I know what you’re going to say, “ITS SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE YOU DUMB FUCK”, but I don’t think it even works in that sense. I’ve felt uncomfortable and still liked a movie, and this is different, especially being a teenage girl myself and having to deal with the systemic sexism and sexualization rooted into society. Using those struggles for your “grand” story about the suburban American male just doesn’t sit right with me.

#american beauty #24hrfilm #film reviews #cinematography #movies #movie reviews #roses #art cinema #screencaps #the american dream

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ghostlyheropoltergeist-a-blog · 6 years

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Denise’s 200 follower bias

((Hello all! A week or two or three ago, I hit 200 followers! Which is a FUCKING FORCE! I never thought I’d even reach close to 100, much less make it to 200! So, I’m gonna do a blog event for this? I’ll put a link to some information on that right HERE. Also, as a side thing because I appreciate all of you, you can message me (whether or not you’re on this post idc)) if you want and I can screencap + resize icons for you to add your psd onto (unless you want me to slap a border on there idk I can do it if you want) so you don’t have to do the screencapping… whatever. I’ll only be doing manga and comic icons tho because I can easily just scroll through and lightshot them bitches faces hdjsdgsk. Hmu u_u Either way, 200 is a good number and so I shall do shit for me and for you! first, I have my BIAS LIST!))

((I’ll the put the link to the event HERE as well lmao))

@wildxplosion mah boi Rosina over here dealing with me since November of 2017 she deserves a fucking medal man. We gotta start talkin more often like we used to u_u Anyway, I love your boom boy he is amazing and you are so good at writing I just hnnnnnnnnng..! ily so much booboo.

@embidoesrp-bnhaarchives you are an amazing human being and I love you your and her art is v good and I love all of your blogs even though I haven’t written frequently with all of em. I love our ship so bad I just scream and die all the time but this is fine it’ll be fine I’m :) I should put more effort into trying to interact with your other blogs because I love all of your muses u_u remind me to do that sometime

@lowkeyunhinged gud frond Sorrell who I just had a ten-minute conversation with to figure out your name sifudjd its fine lmao. Anyway I haven’t talked to you as much as some other people but ily anyway and think we should talk more u_u Rokku is such an interesting character an I love them an I love your Tamaki an I love that I can bounce verse an au ideas off you an you’re just nice u_u so here you are :)

@dckuu BAMBI-SAMA I LOVE YOU AND I’M GONNA WALK TO PA FOR YOU OKAY DON’T FUCKING DOUBT ME u_u Real talk tho, I actually love your villain Midoriya and tho I haven’t gotten much interaction in with them yet I love the twins u_u and I always feel v blessed to be able to talk to you u_u and I also feel blessed that we can be friends ya feel? u_u ily so much okay okay good talk.

@heroxdeku hello hi I love you you are so worth my time and your Midoriya is a Good Boi:tm: aight yeah. I hope you find more interactions coming your way an you get a good tumblr rp experience u_u if you ever need help with anything hmu I might be able to provide assistance.

@charredeyes I love your Bakugou A Lot:tm: and although we haven't made much interaction yet I feel like he and September can have a Nice Friendship:tm: u_u as we watch that thread crawl by veeeery slowly sorry about that btw afatdhfk. I'd like to start talkin to you ooc if that's alright? I like formin friendships and Good Bonds:tm: with other muns I feel like it makes everything easier ya know? Anyway. Ty for noticing me an dealing with my slow replying ass u_u

@xforall UH CHERRY I LOVE TOSHI SO MUCH and the school verse is mmmMMMMMMMM GOOD 👌 SHIT 👏 RIGHT THERE yeah? Your headcanons aways go into such depth, explaining things that I would have never even thought about u_u Keep doin what you’ve been doin booboo ily again

I’m gonna add some other people that I haven’t interacted with much and those I should really talk to more and if you do have smth you wanna do pls come and tell me u_u kick my ass okay

@wcrkshcp , @thelxinoem I love what we have so far even if it’s only a little u_u, @panicsprey we gotta talk more booboo, @barricr we should plot tbh, @sparks-for-hire i cant wait to write with you fam, @resilizuku , @quirkless-wonder

that is it for now u_u i love each and every one of you these are all just urls i can think of off the top of my head rn jcujdigd

#;;milestones tag

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movietvtechgeeks · 7 years

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Latest story from https://movietvtechgeeks.com/supernatural-12-18-episode-memory-will-definitely-remain/

'Supernatural' 12.18 This Episode is a Memory that will Definitely Remain

It’s been a while since we’ve had a Supernatural episode that made me so euphoric that I could barely contain myself – those kind of episodes are what made me the passionate fan I am. When it’s been too long between them, my enthusiasm quiets down a bit. Not that I don’t always love the show, but not with the OMG this is the best show in the history of EVER OMG jumping up and down that an episode like this one brings. And damn, does it ever feel good to be that squeeful again! I would like to give writer John Bring lots of hugs, and my highest compliment – he wrote a scene that could have been written by former Supernatural writer Robbie Thompson. And that, for me, is REALLY saying something. I’ll get to that wonderful scene soon, but I loved the entire episode. This was an old school Supernatural monster-of-the-week episode, reminiscent of the early seasons in so many ways. I liked the twists and turns of the case, first thinking it was a monster, then a human, then lo and behold it ended up being both. Bring didn’t forget Castiel either. We got another Cas phone call, leading up to the next episode when Castiel reappears. And we got Dean cleaning the Colt and then aiming and fake firing it, which never fails to do things to me. We also got a glimpse of Sam’s email, which it seems includes Sam looking for parts for Dean’s baby and Dean sending Sam links (to who knows what). Oh, and a subscription to Biggerson’s. I love the detail that Show goes to, assuming that some enterprising fan is going to screencap that. Which of course is exactly what happened. Also, am I the only one who gets a kick out of Jared saying “Jared”? The boys look oh so fine in their FBI suits, so who can blame the local diner waitress for flirting with Dean? Not me, that’s for sure. I’m not necessarily a big fan of Dean detouring from working a case to have some fun, but I did like that the waitress (I wish we’d heard her name when Dean asked it, but I’ll have to go with ‘the waitress’) was as much the pursuer as the pursued and more power to her for clearly having a good time. Sam: Dean, focus! So he lives in the woods, so he’s like the local Jersey Devil. And apparently he has the head of a goat. Dean: A goat? Like b-eh-eh-eh goat? Sam: Yeah. A goat. I don’t know why, but that little exchange made me laugh out loud. And Dean making goat sounds is now all over my Tumblr. Dean ignores Sam’s admonition and goes off to chat with the waitress, taking his cup of coffee with him. Sam: Oh, don’t do the hot coffee thing… Dean: Does the hot coffee thing. Sam’s face though, so long suffering and yet so fond. I’ve said this before but it bears repeating – it’s the actors’ ability to show so much with so little that makes this show so incredible. Jared shows us a Sam whose affection for his brother is evident right there in his expression – he’s put upon, sure, but he’s also happy just to see Dean smiling and alive and sitting across from him. It’s those subtle acting choices that bring the bond between the brothers to life and makes their relationship so compelling. Ackles makes some excellent choices of his own. Dean reappears the next morning with the waitress, both of them pressed close together like they’re reluctant to let go of the temporary intimacy. It rang so true, just the way two people would be who know they probably won’t get another chance to be together and aren’t quite ready to let the feeling go. Also, debauched Dean with his tie hanging askew and his collar open is a very good look indeed. Once again, Sam is mostly just amused. Never mind he worked all night, he still seemed to be happy to see his brother happy. Even that was reminiscent of early season SPN, though I think it made more sense back then. Hearty appetites are part of Dean’s characterization that are sometimes a bit too exaggerated, but it was all in good fun. Dean is so hungry he steals Sam’s food even though it’s very healthy, and later he manages to eat meat (covered in ketchup no less) even after walking through the slaughterhouse. Personally, I was sticking to salad for the rest of the evening. The side characters were also well written in this episode. Sam and Dean meet the quirky creepy sheriff (taxidermy will never not be creepy), and also the poor traumatized kid who tried to save his friend. No wonder he’s constantly smoking something! I felt exceedingly bad for that kid throughout – scapegoated for being different and then fed to a god. Talk about crappy luck. Kudos to Bring for making me care about him even in the small amount of time we had to get to know him. The episode was also very scary, filmed in true horror movie fashion, again reminiscent of early season SPN – perhaps because Phil Sgriccia, who’s been with the show all along, was directing. I absolutely loved the iconic scenes of Sam and Dean exploring the abandoned house by flashlight, coming slowly down the stairs, lit brilliantly and beautifully by Serge Ladouceur. That was such a Season 1 image, I gasped when I saw it I was so happy. Dean: Hello, goat dude? Never change, Dean. The Winchesters are understandably dismayed to find the basement full of knives and cleavers etc. Dean: Why is it always the rich ones? I mean, what are they like, croquet’s all right, but you know what’d be great? Murder! I loved Bring’s dialogue – funny but not over the top, and in character for both Dean and Sam. We get some badass Winchesters as they get the jump on the sheriff, Dean aiming the Colt at him and then holding him against the wall, and wow, is it hot in here? In true horror movie fashion (and true Dean Winchester big brother fashion), Dean tells Sam to stay put and stay safe with the sheriff, while he goes upstairs to see who/what is making noise up there, armed with the Colt. That was a creepy creepy scene, Sgriccia showing us Dean with gun drawn trying to figure out what’s going on, through the cut out eyes of the goat mask. I was biting my nails waiting to see what would happen. And also in true horror movie fashion, the person who foolishly decides to strike out on their own gets taken down – in this case, Dean has the gun knocked away and then is tossed right off a staircase! Ouch! The bad guy (who turns out to be the other brother, raised in a double wide instead of the big house and still pretty pissed about it) restrains Dean in an office chair by wrapping him in saran wrap….which is a pretty creative way to do that….and probably shouldn’t make me think of anything other than poor Dean, but come on, this is Dean Winchester we’re talking about. Anyway, bad guy wheels Dean right into the cold storage with the monster, after turning the Winchester family slogan into something horrible. Bad guy: Hunting people, killing. The family business. Dean: O—o. That hit hard for me too. The Winchesters’ mantra is important to fandom, as meaningful to us as it is to Sam and Dean. Hearing it twisted around like that was painful. The scenes in the meat locker are also beautifully filmed, lit up red and dark enough that we can’t see clearly – which makes the monster lurking in the corner all the more scary. Dean, badass that he is, wheels himself around and then slips out of the saran wrap and arms himself with a meat hook. Meanwhile, Sam is frantically trying to find his brother, which will never fail to make me happy since it feels oh so very Supernatural. Sam’s yells of “Dean! Dean!” warmed my heart. Sam and the sheriff eventually take down the bad guy brother, and then it’s Sam to the rescue, breaking into the storage room just in time to save Dean from the god. Me: Sam F—king Winchester!! Dean: (wide eyed, looking at Sam like he’s thinking the same thing) Sam: (smirking and quoting Dean) The Colt. Dusts anything. In other words, yeah Dean, you were right. Dean: (falls to the floor) Sam: (a little later, checking on his brother the way the Winchesters always do): Hey, hey how’re you feeling? Once again, it’s those little moments and choices that bring the bond between Sam and Dean to life. Those are the moments that make this the show I love. I’ve been writing about how I need to see that relationship – the one that made me fall for the show – more. Finally this episode gave that to me! I know there are some fans who are impatient for Dean to be the one doing the saving, but I’m pretty happy whenever one Winchester saves the other. Not all that picky about which one it is, as long as in the long term, they take turns. And Dean did get to be the one who killed Hitler not so long ago, after all. He is definitely still badass, of that I have no doubt. Meanwhile, back at the bunker, Mr. Ketch and his band of BMoLs are letting themselves in and going through all the Winchester’s things. I had a surprisingly strong reaction to this – I think I tweeted “No! That’s the Winchesters’ home!!!” I actually felt the sense of violation, and it turned my stomach. There’s something so awful about their enemies invading the only safe space Sam and Dean have ever had. Going through their private things, leaving a bug under their table. I hated them for that. Mr. Ketch, disturbingly charming as always, makes a joke about finding out how Sam gets his hair so shiny, or how many ratty flannels Dean has. And we get a little inside joke too, about the telescope that’s inexplicably inside the bunker. Ketch: Just as I thought, can’t see a damn thing. He also goes through Dean’s porn stash of Busty Asian Beauties and I think his drawer of lots of black tee shirts (which Jensen definitely has plenty of to play Dean…) Perhaps worst of all, he takes the photo of a young Dean and his mom. Mr. Ketch has it bad for Mary, methinks, and I do not like it! Sam and Dean say their goodbyes to the sheriff, who has been talking throughout the episode about wanting to leave a legacy – he now collapses, saying sadly that this is instead his legacy. That gets Dean thinking about what the Winchesters’ legacy might be. And then John Bring writes a scene that made my LIFE – a scene worthy of Robbie Thompson – a scene that made me so happy, I’m still smiling. Dean: You know, I was thinking about what Bishop said. About... What do you think our legacy is gonna be? When we're gone, I mean, after all the stuff we've done, you think folks will remember us? You know, like, a hundred years from now? Sam: No. Dean: Oh, that's nice. Sam: Well, I mean... guys like us, we're not exactly the type of people they write about in history books, you know? But the people we saved, they're our legacy. And they'll remember us and then I guess... we'll eventually fade away, too. That's fine, because we left the world better than we found it, you know. Dean considers, then gets out his pocket knife. Sam: What are you doing? Dean: Leaving our mark. Me: (bursts into tears) The look on Sam’s face as he watches -- the smile, the pride – it absolutely destroyed me. And then Dean hands him the knife, and he carves his initials too, just as the brothers did as children into the Impala. The flashback comes onscreen, and I sob even harder. [caption id="attachment_44801" align="aligncenter" width="664"] Caps by @kayb625[/caption] It was a perfect scene, reminding me of exactly why I love this show so much. At the same time, it was an ominous scene, just as the title of the episode suddenly became ominous. A shiver ran through me as I thought about the reality of it – that someday the Winchesters really will be gone. Supernatural will be gone. I can’t think about it, even now two days later, without tearing up. Kudos, John Bring, for making me cry twice. Onscreen, the brothers check in with Mick – except they get Ketch, which doesn’t make them happy. Ketch agrees: I’d rather be with your mother…. Hunting…for chupacabra… In canon, Sam and Dean continue talking after they hang up, not knowing Mr. Ketch can hear them. Dean: Low rent Christian Bale, really? Ketch’s face as he listens is stony, repressed anger visible. But because this was a Phil Sgriccia directed episode, and he’s known for keeping the cameras rolling so that the fandom can have the delectable treats that are the Supernatural gag reel, we also get a bonus ‘Shaving People Punting Things’ video – in which Jensen and Jared absolutely lose it cracking up over David Haydn-Jones’ pronunciation of chupacabra. OMG it is pricelessly edited by Mary Manchin and the talented post production team and it’s impossible to watch it without laughing hysterically yourself. And this? This is the other reason I love this show so damn much. [caption id="attachment_44802" align="aligncenter" width="620"] Photo: Twitter[/caption] Tweet by Steve Boyle, who played the sheriff. I’m going to remain euphoric for a while, awaiting the next episode in two weeks. Allow me my bliss. Check out next week's Supernatural 12.19 episode for The Future above.

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