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sinceileftyoublog · 3 years

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Indigo De Souza Interview: Compassion for Different Modalities

Photo by Charlie Boss

BY JORDAN MAINZER

Calling from her home near Asheville, North Carolina earlier this month, singer-songwriter Indigo De Souza is getting ready to go on tour behind her terrific sophomore album Any Shape You Take (Saddle Creek). Like everyone, she’s anxious about navigating the current COVID-19 landscape, but how she and her band adapt to a live performance and play the multi-dimensional songs that make up the record seems to be of little concern. I guess if I was as talented as De Souza, I wouldn’t be worried, either. Released last month, Any Shape You Take is a stunning series of ruminations on love and relationships, platonic and romantic, that span a number of years in De Souza’s life. Raised in a conservative small town in North Carolina by a mom who was an artist, De Souza doesn’t shy away from the fact that her family did not fit in. At the encouragement of her mother, she leaned into her artistic visions, making music as early as 9 years old, releasing her first EP in 2016.

After self-releasing her (very appropriately titled) first album I Love My Mom in 2018, De Souza signed to indie stalwarts Saddle Creek, who rereleased her debut and supplied her with the means to craft a much larger-sounding follow-up. Working with prolific secret weapon co-producer Brad Cook, her first proper label release occupies an incredible amount of genre territory. “This is the way I’m going to bend,” announces De Souza on auto-tuned synth pop opener “17″ before, well, bending in a number of different directions. “Darker Than Death” and “Die/Cry”, nervous songs that were written years ago, sport fitting build-ups, the former’s slow hi hats and cymbals giving way to jolts of guitar noise, the latter’s jangly rock taking a back seat to yelped harmonies. Songs like “Pretty Pictures” and “Hold U” reenter the dance world, the latter an especially catchy neo soul and funk highlight, a simple earworm of a love song. In the end, whether playing scraped, slow-burning guitar or rubbery keyboard, De Souza’s thoughtful and honest meditations center the emotionally charged album, one of the very best of the year.

De Souza takes her live show to the Beat Kitchen tonight and tomorrow night (both sold out) with Dan Wriggins of Friendship opening. Read our interview with De Souza about the making of Any Shape You Take and her songwriting process.

Since I Left You: On Any Shape You Take, there seems to be a good mix of folks you’ve worked with before and folks you’re working with for the first time. What did each group bring to the table?

Indigo De Souza: Brad Cook was co-producing. It was my first time working with a producer on something. That was crazy. He was very supportive of everything and very encouraging. It was nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of who wanted to encourage my vision. I also worked with Alex [Farrar] and Adam [McDaniel] from drop of sun studios in Asheville. They’re both just so sweet and talented. They were engineering but also helped with production as well. I ended up getting really close with Alex, and me and Alex finished out the album together doing vocal overdubs and random overdubs. It feels like he did a lot of production on the album and was a star for me in the process. They were all great to work with. It was interesting to me to have so many people working on the album.

What I realized after the fact, [though], was that it was kind of distracting for me to have so many brains working on it. It taught me I actually feel very confidently about my vision for songs, and I can trust myself to have ideas for my own songs. I think I was scared going in that I was going to come up blank in that scenario because it was such a high-pressure thing, getting on a label and making a high-production album. But I definitely thrived in the space. It was really fun.

SILY: It shows in the finished product. There are so many different styles and subgenres within the record. Do you listen to all the types of music that show up on this record?

IDS: Yeah, for sure. Mostly, I listen to pop music and dance music. That’s probably my most daily genre. I don’t listen to a lot of music daily, though. I listen to music probably a couple times a week when I’m in the car, but it’s so random, and the genres I listen to are pretty random. It depends on my mood. I think when I’m writing, it’s the same way, whether I’m writing a poppier or rock-based song. They’re different moods for me.

SILY: How do you generally approach juxtaposing lyrics with instrumentation?

IDS: With writing, it’s different every time the way they fall into place together. I do notice that one of the more common ways it happens is I’ll be going about my day and hear a melody in my head and start humming it and realize I’m making it up, that I have no record of it before. I’ll start attaching feeling to the melody, depending on what I’m feeling, and at first I’ll be singing gibberish with the melody, but I’ll usually get some headphones on and plug into the computer so I can sing into a microphone. I’ll mess around with the melody and sing random words until something true to me kind of sticks. That’s usually how it goes. Sometimes, I [do] sit down and it comes out in one breath, like the song is already written in my mind.

Honestly, it’s so normalized how songwriting is. It’s such a strange, magical thing that people can write songs that have never been written before. [laughs]

SILY: Thematically, there are a lot of songs on Any Shape You Take where you’re feeling doubts about a relationship, like on “Darker Than Death”. Someone’s feeling bad, and you’re wondering whether it’s you making them feel bad. And on “Die, Cry”, you sing, “I’d rather die than see you cry.” On the other hand, there are some songs like “Pretty Pictures” where you know your place more within the relationship, and you know what’s eventually gonna happen to it. How do you balance those feelings of doubt with knowing what’s gonna happen?

IDS: It’s funny, because the first two songs you mention were written a very long time ago when I was in the only very long-term relationship I’ve ever been in. I was very confused in that time and was having a hard time in general with my mental health. “Pretty Pictures” is the newest song on the album, a last minute addition because another song we had on there didn’t really fit. We looked through my demos folder and chose “Pretty Pictures”, the most recent song I had written at the time, and recorded it for the album. They’re totally different times in my life, and how you said it is definitely how I was. There’s a time I was more confused, and now, love is more simple in my life, and I can process things and see how they are, have compassion for different modalities.

SILY: I love the line on “Way Out”, “There are no monsters underneath your bed, and I’ll never be the only thing you love.” It’s a very logical statement in the face of unbridled emotion that can make you think illogically. Is that contrast something you think shows up throughout the record?

IDS: Within love, over time, I’ve realized that there’s not one person for anybody. There’s a lot of fluidity in the ways people can feel towards other people. That line is definitely a nod to allowing people to love many other people and not taking it personally.

SILY: From a singing perspective, you have a lot of different vocal stylings on the record. I found it interesting you led it off with a track where you’re super auto-tuned. Can you tell me about that decision?

IDS: “17” originally was this demo I made in 2016 or 2017. It was a very old demo. In 2018 or so, I brought the demo to my band at the time, and we created a live version of that song that was nothing like the recording that you hear. The recording was so weird and had a lot of auto-tune and higher-pitched and lower-pitched vocals. We had a live version we played for a while that’s on Audiotree. Whenever we were recording Any Shape You Take, we started to record it the live way and realized it wasn’t feeling right. We listened to the old demo, and it gave this wake up kick to everyone. We got excited by how the demo sounded because we hadn’t heard it in so long. We realized we wanted to record it based on the demo. So that song sounds very similar to the way the demo originally sounded.

SILY: What’s the story behind the album title?

IDS: There are so many layers to the album title. [laughs] It came to me mostly because the album takes so many musical shapes but also so many emotional shapes. It feels like a lot of the themes in the album are about change and acceptance of change and acceptance of a full spectrum of feelings of pain and grief and allowing people to take many forms. It was mainly inspired by the fact that I’ve taken so many forms in my life and am witness to the way changing forms yourself can either push people away or pull them in closer. I’ve always been so appreciative of the people in my life who allow me to take so many different forms and are still there to witness and care about me, whether we’re close to each other or far away. That’s the main reason I wanted to call the album Any Shape You Take. The most beautiful kind of love you can have is allowing someone to be themselves and shift in and out of things freely.

SILY: Is your live show faithful to the studio versions of the songs, or did you have to learn how to adapt the songs to the stage?

IDS: A lot of them sound very similar to the recording. We’ve been having so much fun practicing them and playing them live.

SILY: Is there one in particular you’re most looking forward to playing?

IDS: I love playing “Bad Dream”. That’s just a crazy song to play live because it’s so loud and rowdy. [laughs]

SILY: You have that falsetto in the middle of it, too.

IDS: Yeah. It’s so fun.

SILY: Anything you’ve been listening to, reading, or watching lately that’s caught your attention?

IDS: I’m excited that one of my favorite authors, Tao Lin, just put out a book I haven’t been able to get fully into. It’s called Leave Society. I just got it in the mail last week. Other than that, I’ve just been so, so busy with interviews and work on the computer and with my manager, staying on top of this crazy shift happening on top of my life. I haven’t taken in a lot of media. I was just watching Love Island recently because I wanted to shut my brain down. Somebody was telling me about Sexy Beasts last night, which sounds insane. I’m excited to watch that.

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survivorsentinelislands · 7 years

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EPISODE 9: HOW DUMB DO THESE PEOPLE THINK I AM ~Darian

Okay I feel like I haven't even done a real confessional all season but I haven't had too much going on this whole game until now. I've been in a few alliances but every vote I've been part of has been a unanimous vote (even my poor Coffey cakes :( <3) then Logan quit last vote right as it was about to get messy. So basically right now Ned and I seem to be at the center of this tribe. He's my number one right now for the most part. I trust Ned 100% and I'm pretty sure the feelings mutual. We've both mentioned how we're each others number ones and stuff but I also adore Keegan. I seem to tell him a lot of stuff without even thinking about it and he could also be my potential number but I don't know where his head is at in terms of that. I think he trusts me since he told me about Darian's idol before Darian did and some other stuff that happened but like I don't think I would be his number one.

Okay so anyways! I'm in this alliance with Daisy, Ned, Josh, and Sara. Logan was there, too but they quit (which sucked because I love Logan and am literally only in this alliance because I adore Logan). And we came up with a plan to vote out Darian but he found out and was gunna play his idol. Then we decided that Carson would be the back up plan but then Carson found about that, too. After Logan quit, Daisy came to me telling me how she thinks that Sara is the one who leaked the info to Darian and Carson. Now let me tell you, I actually laughed so hard because I know for a fact that Sara gives approximately negative 12 shits about this game and I've seen her say that the only reason she won't quit is because she doesn't want to leave me, Ned, and Daisy alone. But obviously I didn't say anything because it was actually Ned and I leaking all of the info but now us three have our own separate alliance that we're part of that I actually really like.

So then Ned and I are over on the old Andaman alliance which I like because I love Keegan but I don't care about Darian or Carson honestly. But I want to keep Keegan safe and the best way to do that is just to keep that whole alliance safe. That's really hard because Darian is honestly one of the hardest people to work with. He can be a really nice guy sometimes and I think sometimes he means well but like I could tell him he has to pay me every time it snows and Maine and I'd probably be a billionaire. He literally believes everything everyone tells him. He thought that Daisy was going to flip and vote for Logan and he thought that Logan was going to vote for Daisy. Even AFTER I told him that I thought those two were really close and that they were basically best friends on Nicobar. But like of course he didn't believe it, he just told me that Daisy was on the bottom and desperate. Like no why believe someone who has been on a tribe with them and actually observed their behavior when you could just take the word of someone you've literally just met? Sounds about right to me (eye roll emoji).

But for this next vote as long as Alex doesn't win I think he's gone because frankly who is he? Like the first night we merged I tried to talk to him and he just said "hey its been a long day I'm heading to bed but we'll talk later" and then proceeded to talk in the tribe chat so that right there makes me not want to talk to him again so I didn't. And he hasn't reached out to me at all so like whatever. Him going is the best possible scenario for me especially since it could break up anything Keegan and Darian have. I don't know how close they actually are but he does agree that Darian's gullible and says stupid things sometimes. I think that he would eventually want him out because he could be bad for our games. So yeah if Alex doesn't win Daisy, Ned, and I are going to get Keegan to vote with us which he's on board with even after I told him that Darian isn't too hot on the idea. Apparently Alex doesn't like Keegan so I think that's why he wants him out so bad. I want him gone because Alex is the only person I'm not aligned with. But yeah so if Ned, Daisy, Keegan, and I vote for Alex, Darian, Carson, and possibly Alex all vote together (probably for Daisy), then Sara and Josh vote for Darian then it'll be a 4-3-2 for Alex and it'll be awesome. I do think that I'll go to Sara last minute and say 'hey Daisy wanted to leave you out of the plan because she thinks you're spilling stuff to Darian but you should vote for Alex' so I can get Sara on my side. But this whole plan is contingent on Alex not winning immunity so if he wins again I'm gunna scream. I'm also gunna cry and laugh because how can he know the answers to any of this if he literally doesn't talk to anyone?

Well, the reward was given out to someone from the other alliance so that's nice! But luckily Logan walked so we didn't have to have that messy af tribal. I still don't trust daisy after her lying to my face!

GIRL, I HAVE SCREENSHOTS OF YOU SAYING MY NAME!!!!!

How dumb do these people think I am. I might have been messy as FUCK before but after immersing myself into multiple games I'm here to play for real. There is only 9 people left and I'm still sitting pretty with a damn idol from DAY ONE! Ok soooo this is my game to lose. Let's see if I can ride this thing to the end

***LATER***

Ok ok ok ok

So remember how day one I found an idol. Well I've kept it in my little pocket all this time. And now I've still got it. AND THE MERGE IDOL!!!! That's right baby two idols!!! This is going to be lit

We just did Touchy Subjects, and I got some pretty good results. People voted me as "too nice to play this game" and the person they'd most want to take on a romantic date, which tells me two things: everyone likes me, and everyone underestimates me. Perfect. That's exactly where I want to be. I've been in a season where I voted out my #1 ally and won every immunity until the end, sweeping the jury. If these people knew how I played, they would have gotten rid of me before we even swapped. Buckle up, everyone- this roller coaster is about to take off.

Touchy Subjects was just as fun as I expected it to be. The only answer I was majority for was "Playing for second". If that's how people perceive me, awesome. I'm not a major threat to win and it seems likely people will want to take me to the end as a goat. Jokes on them, I'm way more than that.

Apparently Alex won the reward though, which gives him an advantage that lets him challenge someone for their spot in the game if he's voted out. I'm sorry but that's ridiculous and unfair.

That also throws a wrench into our plan of voting him out. So now the votes are shifting onto Josh and Sara. I guess.

We might have to keep Alex until the F4, which means two of the OG Andaman crew aren't making the F4. That sucks.

GUESS WHO WON IMMUNITY! WHEWWWW

god daisy's fake ass gets on my nerve so much and i want her gone but! i'm just gonna go with the flow rn bc i'm on vacation

Also @Daisy why do u put me as the fakest and the one who mistakenly thinks they're running the game when youre the one who lied to my face and spread my name last round?

[6:44:09 PM] Drewbert: what you think might happen tonight

[6:45:06 PM] Daisy Sheps: um well we're hoping to blindside alex by getting keegan to flip and vote w us, but we think alex might have an advantage that could save him so its a risky move

[6:45:27 PM] Drewbert: what's the advantage?

[6:45:50 PM] Daisy Sheps: the ability to challenge someone else if you get voted out and have them take your place

[6:46:23 PM] Drewbert: if you think he has it and he uses it, who do you think he would use it on?

[6:47:42 PM] Daisy Sheps: we're hoping its josh and it would make sense if its josh because he flipped and hes not v strong in challenges, but I think it might be me since I'm directly on the other side and I'm not super strong in challenges either

[6:48:22 PM] Drewbert: do you think it's worth the risk?

[6:48:57 PM] Daisy Sheps: i think it is. we're not even 100% sure he has it, and i think it'll be riskier if we wait bc then there'll be less of us for him to pick from

[6:49:18 PM] Daisy Sheps: plus he could just keep going and getting immunity after this so this is the best plan

So the plan for tonight is Sam, Ned, Daisy and myself all vote for Alexander. If he uses his crazy advantage, it's better for it to be gone now than played later in the game where it can make a bigger difference. If he was lying or doesn't play it, he goes and everything is peachy keen.

The downside of this plan is that we're bringing Daisy in and pushing out Darian and Carson. We'll have to work out some major damage control if the plan goes smoothly.

Okay so the vote tonight might be Alex but I'm spooked it's gonna be me like bye no one really talked to me so I'm like hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm but oh well we will see wat happens

Daily reminder that I can't believe I'm still here. Anyways tag yourself im Darian thinking I'm with daisy and daisy thinking I'm with Darian.

Okay, so this round didn't really seem as a shock with the Touchy Subject, I knew I'd feel like I'm pretty out of the loop (because spoiler I am)

Darian told me he has the idol and I'm like 100% okay with that and working with him. I'll let him think I wanna work with him to the F3 and then boot his ass for being a threat, not gonna lie.

I'm so nervous for tonight's tribal. Alex didn't win which is awesome so we set our plan into motion. Keegan is on board with voting Alex with Ned, Daisy, and I. I told Sara and told her how everyone thinks she's on the other side and wants to leave her out of the loop but I wanted to make sure she knew the vote was for Alex. Hopefully that doesn't bite me in the butt but whatever. The thing that could screw me over though is ALEX'S DUMB ASS ADVANTAGE!!! Apparently he has some advantage that gives him the ability to challenge someone for their spot if he's voted out. That's like some big brother round trip ticket shit which sucks. I know it's a little different because he has to challenge someone but STILL! I'm afraid that he's gunna challenge me just based on the touchy subjects results (which totally outed me as running the game and as the person people want to win if they can't and other ones like that which is nice but damn please don't expose me). Plus Darian might be mad when we voted out Alex so he might tell Alex to challenge one of us. When we first found out we thought about changing our votes to Josh but Daisy doesn't want to. She obviously thinks that he's in her pocket which may be true? Darian says that Josh is voting for Daisy but we'll see when the votes come out. If there is more than one for Daisy it'll be from Josh and we'll know he's a #fake. She made the argument that it may be better to vote for Alex now while there are more people he can challenge like Sara and Josh who aren't as active or good in challenges which actually does make sense. I talked to Keegan about it and he agreed that it would make the most sense that way, too. But something about this whole plan seems to easy and it's making me so nervous. Not easy in the "I know this is all going to work out" type of way but the "we got all of the votes together despite the fact that we know an advantage is probably going to be played" way and that doesn't make sense to me. I feel like something went terribly wrong and I'm about to be voted out. So I just wanted to get one last confessional in if I'm right just say a big fuck you to everyone who flipped on me. But if I'm just being paranoid then fuck you Alex for your stupid advantage. And if I'm wrong about the advantage, too then oops fuck me for being so rude huh?

Our plan went flawlessly. Alex was voted out and used his advantage to challenge Sara, who was not in any major alliance. If he wins, he'll be back in the game, still on the bottom. And he's pissed at Darian for telling me about the advantage. So he'll be out for blood if he makes it back in the game.

This is good and bad for me though. Good because going forward, Daisy and Josh now want to work with me, Sam and Ned. I've got options out the wazoo. But I'm pretty sure I lost Darian as any sort of ally or friend. And if I make it to FTC and he doesn't, I'm unlikely to get his vote.

#fatdipofthatguac

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