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letterboxd · 3 years

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Savage Cinema.

From anarchists and adultery to milk baths and massacres, Matthew Turner shares five of the weirdest and wildest highlights of Hollywood’s pre-Code era, as #PreCodeApril comes to a close.

Pre-Code April was directly inspired by Noirvember, a month-long celebration of noir cinema instigated by Marya Gates (Oldfilmsflicker). I did Noirvember for the first time in November 2019, really enjoyed it, and thought it would be great to do the same thing for pre-Code movies. Although I’ve watched most of the classic 1930s films, I realised there were a huge number of pre-Code films I’d never seen (of my Letterboxd list of over 900 Pre-Code films, I have only seen 200).

As a sucker for a bit of wordplay, no matter how tenuous, I picked April partly because it’s six months away from Noirvember and partly because of the shared “pr” sound in April and Pre-Code. I’ve been absolutely delighted by the response—the #PreCodeApril hashtag on Twitter is a daily treasure trove of pre-Code-related joy, but I was genuinely thrilled to see the response on Letterboxd (here is my watchlist for the month). It’s been a real pleasure to see pre-Code movies constantly popping up in my ‘new from friends’ feed. My hope is that it’ll be even bigger next year—and that maybe TCM will want to get involved, the way they do with Noirvember.

Produced between 1929 and 1934, pre-Code cinema refers to films made in a brief period between the silent era, and Hollywood beginning to enforce the Motion Picture Production Code censorship guidelines (mandatory enforcement came in from July 1934). The “Code” in question was popularly known as the Hays Code, after then MPPDA president Will H. Hays. As the depression set in and box office declined, theater owners needed fare that would drive cinema-goers to the movies. It was a wild time to be a scriptwriter; they threw everything at the page, designers added even more, and actors played out the kinds of scenes, from the suggestive to the overt, that would otherwise be banned for decades to come.

The following five films demonstrate some of Hollywood’s craziest pre-Code excesses. They’re still jaw-dropping, even by today’s standards, and notably give female characters an agency that would be later denied as the Christian morals of the Code overruled writers’ kinks.

Madam Satan (1930) Directed by Cecil B. DeMille, written by Elsie Janis, Jeanie Macpherson and Gladys Unger

A critical and commercial flop in 1930, Cecil B. DeMille’s utterly insane musical comedy stars Kay Johnson as a straight-laced wife who plots to win back her unfaithful husband (Reginald Denny) by seducing him at a costume party, disguised as a mysterious devil woman. The location of this party? Oh, nothing too fancy, just on board a giant zeppelin. (“Madam Satan or: How the Film gets Fucking Crazy on the Blimp,” as Ryan reviewed it.)

Madam Satan is not by any stretch of the imagination a good movie (the editing alone is laughably bad), but as a piece of pre-Code craziness, it really has to be seen to be believed. Co-written by a trio of women and set in just three locations, it goes from racy bedroom farce to avant-garde musical to full-on disaster movie after a bolt of lightning hits the blimp.

The film is justly celebrated (in camp classic circles, at least) for the wildly over-the-top costumes paraded in the masquerade ball sequence, but there’s weird outfit joy everywhere you look. Keep an eye out for an enterprising extra who’s come dressed as a set of triplets.

Call Her Savage (1932) Directed by John Francis Dillon, written by Tiffany Thayer and Edwin J. Burke

Adapted from a salacious novel by Tiffany Thayer, Call Her Savage was former silent star Clara Bow’s second-to-last film before her retirement at the age of 28. She plays Texas gal Nasa Springer, who’s always had a “savage” temper she can’t explain. In the space of 88 minutes she goes from wild teenager to jilted newlywed to young mother to prostitute to wealthy society girl to alcoholic before finally (it’s implied) settling down with her Native-American friend after discovering that she’s half-Native-American, something the audience has known all along.

Bow’s performance is frankly astonishing, to the point where you simply can’t believe what you’re seeing from one moment to the next. Sample scenes see her savagely whipping both a snake and her Indian friend, smashing a guitar over a musician’s head and violently wrestling her Great Dane… and that’s all in the first five minutes. She’s also frequently in a state of near undress throughout—one funny scene has her maids chasing her with a dressing gown because they’re afraid she’ll run down the street in her négligée.

The rest of the film includes alcohol, adultery, strong violence, attempted rape, murder, syphilis (not named, but heavily implied) and baby death. It’s a veritable smorgasbord of outrageous content and Bow is pure dynamite throughout. The film is also noted for being one of the first on-screen portrayals of homosexuality, when Nasa visits a gay bar in the Village frequented by “wild poets and anarchists”.

Smarty (1934) Directed by Robert Florey, written by Carl Erickson and F. Hugh Herbert

This deeply problematic sex comedy features pre-Code stars Joan Blondell and Warren William (often nicknamed ‘The King of Pre-Code’) at their absolute filthiest. Blondell plays Vicki, a capricious, happily married wife who gets an obvious kick out of taunting her husband, Tony (William). When he cracks and slaps her at a party, she divorces him and marries her lawyer, Vernon (Edward Everett Horton), whom she also goads into slapping her in a deliberate ploy to win back Tony.

Essentially, Smarty hinges on Vicki liking rough sex and it’s completely blatant about it, ending with her sighing “Hit me again” (the film’s UK title!) as they sink into a clinch on a couch, a rapturous expression on her face. It’s a controversial film because on the surface it looks like it’s condoning domestic violence, but it’s very clearly about Vicki’s openly expressed sexual desires—she wants to be punished and dominated, she just has a rather dodgy way of getting what she wants.

It might be unsophisticated, but in some ways Smarty is remarkably ahead of its time and ripe for rediscovery. To that end, it would make a fascinating double bill with Stephen Shainberg’s Secretary (2002). Oh, and it’s also chock-full of lingerie scenes (like most pre-Code films), if you like that sort of thing.

Massacre (1934) Directed by Alan Crosland, written by Sheridan Gibney, Ralph Block and Robert Gessner

Several pre-Code films (notably those made by Warner Bros) took a no-punches-pulled approach to their depiction of social issues, and star Richard Barthelmess actively sought out such projects. Here he plays Joe Thunderhorse, a Native American who’s become famous on the rodeo circuit. When he returns to his tribe to bury his father, he ends up fighting for their rights, taking on corrupt government officials and religious authorities.

Massacre is fascinating because on the one hand it’s wildly insensitive—Barthelmess and co-star Ann Dvorak are both cast as Native Americans—but on the other, it burns with a righteous fury and does more than any other Hollywood film (before or since) to champion the rights and highlight the injustices dealt out to Native Americans. That fury is encapsulated in a horrifying and rightly upsetting rape scene (it happens off-screen, but the cuts leave you in no doubt) that the film handles with surprising sensitivity.

In addition to being a passionate fight against racism and social injustice, the film also has some genuinely shocking sexual content. Most notably, Joe is seen making love to a rich white woman (Claire Dodd, who’s also in Smarty) who has an obvious sexual fetish, flaunting him in front of her friends and making a shrine in her room with Native-American paraphernalia.

The Sign of the Cross (1932) Directed by Cecil B. DeMille, written by Waldemar Young and Sidney Buchman

Yes, this is Cecil B. DeMille again, but no list of weird and wild pre-Code films would be complete without the jaw-dropping ancient Rome epic, The Sign of the Cross. Adapted from an 1895 play by Wilson Barrett, it stars Frederic March as Marcus Superbus (stop sniggering at the back there), who’s torn between his loyalty to Emperor Nero (Charles Laughton) and his love for a Christian woman (Elissa Landi), while also fending off the advances of the Emperor’s wife, Poppaea (Claudette Colbert).

The film is racy enough in its sexual content alone: highlights include the famous scene of Claudette Colbert taking a nude milk bath and an erotic “lesbian” dance sequence, where Joyzelle Joyner’s “most wicked and talented woman in Rome” does ‘The Dance of the Naked Moon’ at Frederic March’s orgy, trying to tempt Landi’s virtuous Christian, to the obvious arousal of the gathered guests.

However, it’s the climactic gladiatorial-arena sequence that will leave your jaw on the floor. Lasting around twelve minutes, it includes: someone getting eaten by a tiger, a tied-up, naked women being approached by hungry crocodiles, pygmies getting chopped up by female barbarians, elephants stomping on heads, a gorilla approaching a naked woman tied to a stake, a man getting gored by a bull, and gladiators fighting to the death, complete with blood and gory injury detail.

The whole thing is genuinely horrifying, even for 2021. Best of all, DeMille pointedly critiques the audience (ourselves included), by showing a series of reaction shots ranging from intense enjoyment to abject seen-it-all-before boredom.

Matthew Turner (FilmFan1971) is a critic, author, podcaster and lifelong film fanatic. His favorite film is ‘Vertigo’. The films in this article are also listed here: Five of the Pre-Code Era’s Most Outrageous Films.

#preCodeApril #pre code april #precode april #hays code #mppa code #cecil b demille #clara bow #matthew turner #letterboxd #1930s films #1920s films #depression films

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victimhood · 4 years

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My TOG cast and crew movie reviews

Ok so watching TOG revived the part of me that LOVES indie-ish/European Arthouse films and I blitzed through a bunch with more to come! Idk who this review serves but I just had to explode in writing or...the feelings would go nowhere.

Love and Basketball

My movie rating: 4 / 5

Favourite parts: the conflict between a tomboy sports loving protagonist and a conventional homemaking mother. To sound cliched, this is the sort of thing only a woman filmmaker can bring out in her films. There’s so much nuance and tension expressed in all the individual women in the film and where that lies in the enforced dichotomy of woman/not a woman--thereby highlighting that IT SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN A DICHOTOMY all of these are in the broad spectrum of womanly behaviors bc they come from women!!! The ending where a husband supports his wife in HER basketball game? LOVE THAT. Music choices are also A++ in this film.

The film also provides some insight into respectability politics--here we have an NBA player who wants his son to do something more conventionally “respectable”. I am not American nor am I Black so someone with more insight would be able to speak to this better, but even so as an audience I could feel it!

TOG cast rating: none, bc it’s the director!! This is Gina Prince-Bythewood’s breakout film but you can palpably feel that she poured her heart and perhaps some of her life experiences in this film!

Martin Eden

My movie rating: 3.5 / 5

Don’t understand the movie, slightly put off by the Nietzschean individualist philosophy. Doubly so after I read that the author of the book (Jack London) is a socialist?? (FTR so am I so like...I’ve had enough of white male indivudalism!!) Stuff like that always reminds me of (500) Days of Summer which is anti-manic pixie dream girl and yet is beloved by aspiring MPDG-philes. Here is a quote from the author himself: London wrote, "One of my motifs, in this book, was an attack on individualism (in the person of the hero). I must have bungled it, for not a single reviewer has discovered it."

Though I have not read the book, I hope the movie is a little more pronounced, in the unraveling of the eponymous protagonist. Luca gives an impressive show of his Acting Range as the protagonist moves through life and goes through a whole bunch of political beliefs in reaction to the situation around him.

I love movies that show the impoverished side of Europe though. The movie does a good job of showing the class conflict within society--at the end of the day, the Martin Eden that has risen through the social ladder is a self-despising man. The bread mopping scene is great, and truly, there is no love for Luca Martinelli like the camera’s love for Luca Martinelli. I love Luca’s bad teeth in this too. Dental health is possibly one of the most obvious, yet most unremarked markers of social class. Nice detail.

TOG cast rating: 5/5 Luca really carries this film on his broaaaaad shoulders. Thank you Luca. Thank you Pietro, for making a movie that lingers so lovingly on Luca’s face, inspiring many a writer to pen horny paeans to the Roman nose and the Byzantine eyes. I even saw one about the lop of hair over the eyes. Yes….watching Luca is a very physiological experience.

They Call Me Jeeg (Lo Chiamavano Jeeg Robot)

My movie rating: 4 / 5

Ok this movie is quite male-gazey in the conventional action movie way. Moments where the damsel is in distress are filmed in a somewhat titillating manner. That aside, the damsel in distress does get a moment of glory, though it shortly precedes her death. The hero of the film I also found not too groundbreaking. He starts out as a thief but is given superpowers, and he’s mostly a sad loser who watches too much porn in his free time, though the damsel’s belief in him helps turn him around to the greater good. The story moves at a quick pace and with twists and turns at each corner which help the enjoyability rating.

Really, the standout of this movie is the villain. Fabio (Lo Zingaro) is fantastically deranged, in a style that surpasses the Joker. The only thing I truly have to say about this movie is that the moment where Lo Zingaro barges in on the hero and the camera POV switches from third person to first person and the hero is on the verge of fainting but all he sees is Lo Zingaro saying “Ciao”.........reader, I am speaking from the afterlife. Again, truly, there is no love for Luca Marinelli like the camera’s love for Luca Marinelli. My heart stopped when I saw Fabio’s face in such a tender, loving proximity...and yet...he is deranged...he wants to kill you….TAKE ME NOW FABIO I AM YOURS *lovelorn Victorian sigh*

Perhaps I might issue a CW that there is a trans character in the film. The character doesn’t appear for too long, and I think the portrayal is mostly neutral to borderline negative for playing to stereotypes. The damsel in distress’s story carries a huge TW for sexual abuse and incest.

TOG cast rating: 5/5 just for that 1st person POV scene alone--that was life changing. I did not expect to be greeted so intimately by a completely deranged motherfucker. I want it as my phone wallpaper.

A Bigger Splash

My movie rating: 4.5 / 5

I loooooooved Bigger Splash so much?? But this is because I love Tilda Swinton and I love Ralph Fiennes. While watching this, I don’t know why, but I just kept thinking, aaaaand this guy is also Voldemort (Fiennes). I love the implausibility and yet here we are.

Matthias is so boyfriend-shaped in this movie, I wanted to snuggle up against him and have him care for me. He’s a wonderful boyfriend, and Ralph Fiennes’s character truly, is the Most Annoying Mansplainer type ever, like, you’ve probably met that type, who thinks he’s slick and loves the sound of his own voice and I 100% related when Matthias’s character just...has had enough of Ralph Fiennes’s character. But oopsie, the rest is a spoiler.

THE SOUNDTRACK IS AWESOME also it’s got St Vincent covering the Rolling Stones and St Vincent is the lesbian guitar hero of your dreams, please give St Vincent more love.

TOG cast rating: 5 / 5 Matthias is butt naked in the opening scenes of the movie, and then he appears full frontal nude later on. But mostly he just looks so snuggly like a big boyfriend hoodie.

Rabat

My movie rating: 4 / 5

Wow ok I LOVED THIS ONE A LOT. Idk what I was expecting, but it was a beautiful, beautiful ride. It’s a perfect expression of the “roadtrip story” form. It’s got the adventure, the hijinks, the conflict and the “transformative growth” that comes out of the conflict. It’s about the MENA immigrant experience in Europe, and though from a different community as someone who’s had the immigrant experience myself I loved the part where they talk about people back home thinking they’re rich for having moved abroad. Yet--in many white-dominated countries, non-white immigrants live under an incredibly bulletproof glass ceiling and moving “upward” in society is a pipe dream. I loved when the main character Nadir mentions his dad’s taxi being a reliable source of income for the past 15 years. I think it’s such a warm and human film played by very warm and human characters, and [mild spoiler] I CACKLED SO MUCH at how Nadir “resolves” the question of marriage--I can’t go into too much detail bc the movie builds up to this but I LAUGHED SO MUCH. It’s the blend of total inappropriateness delivered in the most sincere package played to perfection.

TOG cast rating: 3/5 criminally underused Marwan bc he is not the main character. Marwan is a womanizing, alcohol-loving Tunisian friend in this story who buys a...bootleg? Hugo Boss suit for 200 Euros and then rips it up to form shorts bc the weather is too hot. The story implies he has a more complex backstory re: his relationship to his father as well as having impregnated a girl and escaping paternal responsibility for that but doesn’t give us much more. At one point, one character remarks that he would do “horrible” things (implying sexual interest) to Marwan’s character and ALAS I MUST AGREE.

...AAAAAND we’ll have more to come!! I promised a friend to watch Beale Street together so it’s gonna take a while for that to happen thx covid.

#the old guard #the old guard cast #tog cast #Gina Prince-Bythewood #luca marinelli #matthias schoenaerts #marwan kenzari #love and basketball #martin eden #a bigger splash #lo chiamavano jeeg robot #they call me jeeg #rabat

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bazz-b · 4 years

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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is: canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated? YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO.

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon? — There’s a lot of freedom when you write a character with as little screen time as Bazz-B. I adhere strongly to everything known about him, and embellish the rest as I can. Some canon facts are a bit contradicting so we make do with what we can.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals. — Bazz-B is what happens when you cross punk with a volcano. Wronged as a child, betrayed by his God, he began a 1000 year crusade to infiltrate a holy army and kill God. Along the way he takes names and kicks ass, while balancing the burden of his secret goal and cultural obligation to aid his kind.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?). — The dude held a grudge for a 1000 years, pushed away the only person who cared about him, and then whined that he was betrayed. An ego bigger than his eccentric hair, he’s twice as obnoxious as he is loud.

What inspired you to rp your muse? — How dare you make me admit my secret shame.. When Bazz-B was first revealed in the manga, I snagged him in the group I was RPing in. Grimmjow was already so popular, and a lot of writers I looked up to were writing him, so there’s no way I was trying my hand at that. But this new fella reminded me of a Quincy Grimmjow. I WAS VERY WRONG AND I’M GLAD I WAS BUT THAT’S MY SHAMEFUL ORIGIN STORY.

What keeps your inspiration going? — I think it’s stupid how much I love Bazz-B. I went away for a while due to health reasons, but I never stopped loving him. Fleshing out everything that could have been, should have been, is and was-- any opportunity to talk about this man reignites my passion for him.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO.

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO. (not often enough)

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO. (Bazzard and Zorn’s All American Tour)

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO.

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO.

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO. (IT DEPENDS? I’M NOT EASILY OFFENDED BUT I’M SOFT)

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal? — God okay I thrive off criticism. Genuinely, it doesn’t need to be positive. I prefer negative criticism. I’ll only ever improve if people tell me what I suck at. I can be better, help me pls.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character? — I drool over that shit.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why? — I'd definitely be interested. Headcanons, I think, pertain to each persons portrayal, so if someone disagrees they must believe it’s inherently out of character. I’d love to discuss that!

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it? — I’d love to discuss that EVEN MORE THAN HEADCANONS. If someone thinks Bazz-B should be behaving differently, or acting differently in scenarios, I’d love to listen to why. If anyone loves Bazz-B and has thoughts you come to me, you sit me down and I will listen so raptly you’ll think I’ve frozen in time.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it? — To each their own! I know a lot of people aren’t a fan of Bazz-B, he’s very in your face, and I know a lot of the stoic characters are super popular. Wont make me love him any less.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors? — Oh God, please do. My biggest peeve is when I repeat words too often. Be my little microsoft word paperclip!!

Do you think you are easy going as a mun? — I think I’m terrible at continuing out of character conversations, as I’m always worried I’m bugging people, but other than that I am very easy. Unless you say “I wish to offend you” I’ll naturally assume you’re not trying to offend me. We all come across differently, I just assume everyone is here to have a good time.

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

Tagged by: @hirako5hinji & @zombiequincy

#meme: answered #this was good fun oof

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gogularaajan · 4 years

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VIRUS MAIRUS

7 mins 40 seconds directed by Gogularaajan written by Shanjhey Kumar Perumal and Gogularaajan dop by Kumanavannan

youtube

Short Synopsis :

When Neelakandan needs a drink, he will get it no matter what. The short film follows his struggle of trying to score some alcohol amidst the MCO in Malaysia due to the recent outbreak of the Covid-19 virus.

PROCESS :

1. THE BIRTH

We were hunting ideas for the #KumanPicturesChallenge and on 30th March 2020, Shanjhey came up with an idea in our “Sarang Naga” Whatsapp group. He showed us a picture and asked us to guess what the story would be.

Picture 1 : Whatsapp conversation of Shanjhey, Palani and Gogu.

It’s a story about an alcoholic middle-aged man and his fearful, impulsive journey in search of alcohol, leading him to lose his mind and resort to drinking Dettol. Once we have this, Shanjhey did efficient writing that contains all the important details and structure of the story. This served as a strong base for us to write the screenplay..

Picture 2 : Draft written by Shanjhey. I went on with my ugly scribblings on it.

2. THE WRITING

At first, though I liked the idea, I could not connect myself to the story, it took some time for me to finally personalize this idea. A lot of questions hunted my mind: is it necessary to celebrate the life of an alcoholic? what is the urgency? how well do I know this man? will this be a representation?

My energy was almost drained of all these questions, and at the right time, my friend Shoban (a director himself) came to rescue. Shanjhey shared with him our idea, and Shoban instantly loved it. Shoban stressed that this is a story that should be told. That’s when we realized, that the story has its own spark and purpose, and we shall give it a shot. His words started my engine back.

#Philosophy : I tried to make sense of the story. And also draw its relation to suit the Challenge’s criteria which is horror :

what is horror? it might differ from person to person. but to me, it is basically fear. and fear is not just limited to ghosts or supernatural elements. Fear is broad and has many ways to manifest itself. In real life, there are much worse horrors happening, day to day. this story is also such horror, which is way too common in Malaysian Indian's lives. a man who is willing to do whatever to get his bottle of beer might sound too absurd and unreal to some, but it is, in fact, a very common reality for Malaysian Indians. This is in our blood, ingrained, customized for years. This is how we have been enslaved for years by different powers. when we were in the plantations, they gave us alcohol to calm us down and stray us from our real problems. a quick fix that can melt down our need to revolt or claim our rights. and this condition still persists until today, just that it has taken different forms.

this is my fear reflecting on the society, and also the character (Neelakandan’s) fear of not being able to control his spiking impulsive desire. i think the most horrific thing that can happen to oneself is when one loses control of himself, or worst when something is taking control of his consciousness.

I also intentionally wanted to stay outside, at the commentary viewpoint, and not indulge. I wanted a comical portrayal of this story. The story itself carried a very absurd, comical value so I didn't want to mess with it. This allowed me to create displaced emotions, where horror which exists in reality, feels humor.

most importantly, i never wanted to have a moralistic comment/statement. i just want to present the characters and events. i tried my best not to judge the character, Neelakandan. I treated him with compassion.

Picture 3 : Deriving key points of the story to serve as a direction.

After soaking my mind in this idea for about a week, I finally sat to do the screenplay. In fact, I started it quite late, so we didn’t have much time to do many drafts. Initially, Mr.Shanjhey envisioned the movie to be around 2-3 minutes long in duration, but as I was writing, I thought that it will be interesting to follow the character through few more events that can push him to decide for himself. To be honest, the writing was simplistic, I intentionally left some spaces for improvisation during the shoot.

This is the link to our final script used during our shoot : https://issuu.com/gogularaajanrajendran/docs/jpg2pdf

3. THE PRODUCTION

There are no actors. It came down to me to act, damn, I am really a lousy actor. So we tried to ask my dad if he could play this role as he fits the look quite well, better than me. I thought he is never going to accept it because he is quite an important figure in the Malaysian Tamil Literature scene and he has an image to protect. But to my surprise, he said Yes without thinking much.

Picture 4 : First look test.

For the DOP, I asked my brother, Kuma to take care of it. This was his first time, but I have nothing to complain, his work was neat. So it happened to be quite a comfortable team to work with.

Since I'm dealing with a non-actor, I've used certain methods to drive the character into the actor. On the first day of the shoot, Dad and myself sat in my darkroom. I guided him to breath, in and out, as he settles down into a relaxed state, I brought Neelakandan to him, we asked the character’s permission and seek for his help in filming. I love to do this kind of rituals, it really builds our faith in the story and character. It also gives a certain sacred vibe. I love its purity.

Apart from meditation, I used another important technique which is breathing. I have identified precisely, the breathing pattern that the character goes through in each scene and action, and through guiding the actor with the same breathing pattern, it enables him to realize the character from a deeper reality.

Picture 5 : Im pouring F&N Zappel to the glass faking it as Dettol.

Another thing that I’ve done to get decent acting is, we shot this short film really slowly, one scene per day. Really comfortably, because I didn't want to exhaust my dad. We would shoot 3-4 hours per day for 5 days continuously. And by the end of each day, I would edit the footage.

One very valuable lesson that I have acquired is that it doesn't matter if your actor is a good performer or not, if he is attentive and has surrendered himself to the craft, you can mine the talent. My dad is, in fact, a non-alcoholic (anti-alcoholic even). My grandfather was an alcoholic himself and my dad has witnessed how alcohol can ruin a man’s life. Fortunately, my dad has observed how a true alcoholic would behave and think, close enough. I requested him to draw inspirations from there, and channel it through the way he behaves, looks, and walks. I also collected some interesting videos from the internet (testimonies of alcoholics in India) and let him indulge in the way they exist.

3. THE POST

Editing this movie was fairly easy, I had a strong vision of its rhythm and flow. The only scene I had quite some trouble was the one in the lift. I almost gave up, I even questioned myself, why am I even doing this. I again, realized that I’m not a gifted editor, editing really drains my soul. But the reality is, every editing project (no matter how simple it is) will push you into a deep dark realm. It is a terrible place to be in, but then, it is just the process. If we keep on, we will survive.

Picture 6 : Final Timeline of the movie.

I did the editing in quite a rush. I suppose to collaborate with my friend Neroshen on the sound design, but I didn't have the time to send the files over. I end up making the sound myself with my limited resources. The first draft of this film was about 9 minutes, where I intentionally made the last sequence of Neelakandan drinking Dettol longer. I had him to light the candle, kissing the bottle, and glass. It was like a grand celebration after a tiring journey. However, we had to take it out since it was affecting the runtime. In the beginning, I was reluctant to cut it off, but Mr.Shanjhey made me realize that it is better off. In fact the mood was not affected in the end.

Time's running out for submission. Laavanya (sister) and Senthu helped me with the subtitles in the very last minute. Very grateful that we could submit the movie for the competition, I thought that we wont make it.

AFTER THOUGHTS :

Mr.Shanjhey and myself, we are really glad that we took part in this challenge (felt more like a festival! 200+ films submitted!). We don’t really celebrate films enough in Malaysia, and I love Kuman Pictures for that, they really make it a point to celebrate films. This motivates us to practice filmmaking more, because that’s the only way to mastery.

After the selection week, we got to know that our film is shortlisted. Woohoo!

Link to playlist of shortlisted films : https://www.youtube.com/playlist…

We shared the movie with friends and families and received warm comments. One of the responses that really touches me is from the Five Flavours Film Festival (Poland) when they made a write up about our short film, and shares how they too, feel connected with the character and story, though they are miles away.

Link to the write up : https://www.piecsmakow.pl/aktualnosc.do?id=430&fbclid=IwAR2F1BfMG0W6l8MZ4tTfprfU8zf4RG8EzCGCttP0gQgwI-5scpDjktXVwAU

One weird coincident that hit us, weeks after the making this shortfilm is Donald Trump’s statement on ingesting Dettol to kill the virus. Art becomes life, there you go. Neelakandan is validated by Trump.

And on the 28th of April, Kuman announced that our short film has been selected as the winner for the challenge.

Some lovely articles and responses for shortfilm from online media :

1. Trootz made a detailed write-up :

https://trootz.wordpress.com/2020/04/30/virus-mairus-no-virus-can-stop-a-man-seeking-gratification/

2. FatBidin Film Club reacted to the movie :

https://youtu.be/FYarPgjRerE

3. OhSnap Tv made a cool coverage on their website :

https://www.ohsnap.tv/2020/04/30/spotlight-gogularaajan/

4. CinemaOnline made a write-up :

http://www.cinema.com.my/bm/articles/news_details.aspx?search=2020.n_virusmairusdiangkat_54619&fbclid=IwAR0STOOLByd7K7o5xUUp3NHd3lSINioJ0xbab-QUYY42xZe2mwJzrr2SBvA

5. Thoughts on Films wrote an impressive review :

https://thoughtsonfilms.com/2020/05/09/virus-mairus-review/

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marvelandponder · 7 years

Photo

Better Question: Is Dr. Wolf Right?

Some time ago @drwolf001 posted a theory that Sunburst could in fact be a young Starswirl the Bearded. This was in response to a trailer for the season 7 premiere that has since been given more context, but the idea was so fun that it stuck with me. Given that we’ve already had some crazy time travel adventures, we know for a fact this sort of story is possible.

Time Travel Logic

Starswirl’s time spell is the sort that loops. As in, if someone uses the spell, their interference in the past is what leads to the present they came from.

This is called a causal loop (or temporal causality loop which just sounds cooler). It’s where an event is the cause for another event, which itself is the cause for the original event. Yeah... loop is a good word.

We’ve even seen it in action. In It’s About Time, we see Twilight worrying too much because of future Twilight, only to find out that was the problem she went back in time to warn herself about. A causal loop. In this case, a self-fulfilling prophecy (which is a type of causal loop).

But, even in The Cutie Remark, we’re working with the same rules.

It’s thanks to something called the Novikov Self-Consistency Principle. Back in the 1980s, a physicist named Ivan Novikov came up with a bunch of fancy physics principles that (for our purposes) basically boiled down to a simple conclusion: you can’t change the past.

These two ideas go hand in hand in the MLP universe, when you think about it, so here are our hard and fast rules for time travel:

Causal Loop: If you go back in time, your going back is what causes the present you came from (which causes you to go back in time, to cause the present, etc.)

Self-Consistency Principal: You logically cannot change the past that leads to anything except the present you came from

The Butterfly Effect: In the event you do create a change that doesn’t lead to the present you came from, any small change can branch out to have untold consequences temporarily; BUT, don’t worry: because of the self-consistency principle, you logically have to eventually fix things, otherwise you couldn’t have come back in time in the first place (you would be a different person in the first place, different memories)

So, Starlight, Twilight, and Spike eventually standing to the side and not interfering with the past was inevitable in order for them to be who they are. The fact that Starlight’s version of the spell continually brought them back to the past until they got it right seems to indicate that to me.

Starlight also specified that she used the map’s magic to go to any time and place she wants (for as long as she wants, they could apparently exist there “for all eternity”), so in terms of the actual time travel spell itself, she isn’t operating under different rules. Meaning, she hasn’t changed the whole causal loop thing---they still go back in time and reenact what would lead them to the present they came from, it’s just a bigger loop, thanks to some more powerful magic.

So, a character getting trapped back in time and going on to live the rest of their days there is entirely possible. It just means they were supposed to, because it’s another loop. A much bigger loop.

But, beyond all that time travel mumbo-jumbo, we obviously don’t have anything close to confirmation for the Sunburst goes back in time to live out his days as Starswirl theory. It’s theoretically possible in this world, but possible isn’t proof.

But, let’s say, hypothetically, the writers wanted to go down this path. I for one would like to know how they could do it.

Perhaps this is better suited for a fanfiction than an analysis series (and by all means, please go write stories based off of this theory). All the same, let’s treat this as a how it could be done sort of thing, to build on this theory with what’s already established in-universe.

To do that, we’ll need to gather some “evidence” (and again, I use the word with the spirit of fun in mind, there’s nothing conclusive). The first is the time travel spell itself.

Clue #1: The Disappearing Time-Travel Spell

youtube

At the conclusion of The Cutie Remark, we see the nearly ripped time-travel scroll get... somehow mysteriously sucked away.

Now, Starlight said she was the one who designed the spell to take them back to the Rainboom again and again, so this may also be her doing, but it’s unclear what exactly is being done.

It seems to have some kind of shock-wave out, which I guess implies they’re out of the time-loop now, but that doesn’t explain where the scroll ended up.

All we know is the same time portal Twilight, Spike, and Starlight came out of seems to suck the spell up with it. But, not without first taking some magic from the map, which was what allowed the spell to be so powerful.

I’m not sure if that would enchant the parchment itself, giving it the same immense power to travel to any time for as long as the pony using it wants.

But the fact that it disappeared into a time portal, even if it appeared to be the same one they were ejected from, seems like something the writers left for whenever they need it.

Where did it end up? Was it supposed to do that, and if so why? We didn’t see anyone’s magic lifting it toward to portal, but was someone on the other side of that portal waiting? Does someone have the spell now (or better yet, will they)?

Clue #2: Starswirl “never understood friendship like [Twilight]”

In the past, we’ve seen supplementary material portray Starswirl in a variety of different ways. From Celestia and Luna’s point of view in the Journal of the Two Sisters, to his own in Legends of Magic, to a 3rd person, more objectively told story in the Reflections arc.

But in the show, what little we know of him comes from and in relation to Twilight. In particular, a line that always stuck with me.

That he was unable to complete his cutie mark restoration spell because he didn’t understand friendship. At least, not like Twi.

Which is a bit saddening, given that he mentored Luna and Celestia. Luna did end up feeling isolated, so perhaps Starswirl’s lack of expertise in friendship played a role in that.

It seems he was still focused on teaching them magic and writing his many spells. Even if he loved them as students, which I suspect he did given his B-canon portrayals, he evidently didn’t do enough to save them from their fate.

Does Sunburst not understand friendship? He and Starlight have reunited now, but then again, you certainly couldn’t say he’s an expert in friendship (and in the same way Twilight focused on her studies, Sunburst did focus heavily on the study of magic instead of, say, visiting Starlight). He’s still studying magic in the Crystal Empire so he might very well still be a borderline shut-in.

Now that he’s Flurry Heart’s magic adviser, perhaps that’s starting to slowly change. Then again, if Starswirl could not understand friendship and still be Celestia and Luna’s mentor, couldn’t Sunburst theoretically also miss some crucial understanding about friendship while looking after Flurry Heart?

Clue #3: Sunburst’s Talents with Magic Theory and Starswirl’s 200+ Spells

Here’s one of the more compelling coincidences.

Sunburst can’t perform any of the magic theory he’s been studying his whole life, but he’s a damn fine magic theorist. I might even wager a guess that Starlight’s habit of combining spells comes from Sunburst, as that’s something he’s been shown to do in The Crystalling Part 2.

We know for a fact that Starswirl was the “father of the anmiomorphic spell,” “the most important conjurer of the preclassical era,” and that he “created more than 200 spells”... but we don’t actually know if he could perform any of that magic himself.

Now that’s a stretch, but when you think about it, it holds true for just about everything we know about the things Starswirl’s done. Even when Starswirl banished the Sirens to the Equestria Girls dimension, it wasn’t like he made those portals with his own magic, he found them (at least, according to the Reflections arc).

And in Legends of Magic, he seems to know combat magic, but then again, he makes his escape off-screen, so we never see him cast much of anything.

For all we know, Starswirl might be a great wizard, maybe the greatest, but not necessarily a powerful one. His talent lies in writing spells.

Clue #4: Very Important Wizard

Okay, this one’s just neat from a story-telling perspective. We’ve been introduced to Sunburst as someone whose insecure about not being a very important wizard. That’s how we know him, a resourceful but ultimately powerless magician.

If, in fact, he were to turn out to be the most important wizard of them all, even despite his lack of natural talent for magic, that’s just... wonderful, don’t you think? That he found ways to be influential in the magic world despite the handicap of not being able to use magic?

He became the most important wizard of all time, even despite his problems performing magic himself.

Clue # 5: A... Changing Appearance?

Starswirl actually doesn’t have a consistent eye-colour or look at the moment. We’ve seen him with gold eyes, grey, and even purple.

And, most recently blue, in Legends of Magic.

I suppose if we were explaining how Sunburst could turn into Starswirl, his entire coat would have to grey completely (if we’re going with the depictions of Starswirl with a white or grey coat). A pony’s coat can grey in real life, so perhaps it’s possible in this world. Or we could guess that Sunburst would knowingly disguise himself as what he knows Starswirl to look like via some kind of spell, if he had a reason to assume that role.

Speaking of purely cosmetic similarities, I would also like to mention that in a manner of speaking, “Starswirl” and “Sunburst” are kiiiinda synonymous with each other. In the same way the Twilight Sparkle, Sunset Shimmer, and Starlight Glimmer are supposed to parallel each other, it’s roughly the same name.

A sun is of course a star, and both a burst and swirl suggest an outward projection.

Another neat coincidence, I guess. Just like the fact that both of them wear capes and grow beards.

That’s what we’re left with when theory crafting something like this. Coincidences that can help us imagine fantastical fanfiction, but can’t ultimately take us any closer to knowing who Starswirl the Bearded actually was, whether Sunburst or just pony of a long-gone era.

One thing that still intrigues me, though, is that according to the comics, Starswirl didn’t die. He went missing.

And there are elements in play like his mysteriously vanishing time spell scroll that are available for the MLP staff to act on whenever they so choose.

So, perhaps we’ll never know who Starswirl was, outside of B-canon and the legends we’ve been told thus far. Or, maybe we’ll get to learn who he is someday, and some or all of this will come into play. Who knows? This pony has both a past and a future that’s shrouded in mystery. So much so that this theory is only one of many, and will continue to be until we meet again.

And until that day, I hope to share many more theories together.

MLP content? Sure, I’ve got some of that! Here’s my editorials and my reviews! I’d of course recommend checking out Dr. Wolf on Youtube. And for the heck of it, here’s the last three things I’ve done:

Fluttershy Leans In Review, Forever Filly Review, and New Fluttershy Editorial

Year of the Pony

Special Thanks to...

Original Theory by Dr. Wolf Sunburst Vector by ChainChomp2 Starswirl Cave Background by MysteryMelt

I’m a huge fan of Dr. Wolf, so I loved building off his ideas! If you somehow never have, you’ll thank yourself for checking out his channel. I’d also recommend checking out these talented vector artists! Without their hard work and willingness to share it, I wouldn’t be able to make the headers.

Gotta Get Back, Back to the Past

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turbomun · 7 years

Text

Ghost Boy revamp -- all alterations & changes

I’ve had a few commenters mention that they’re wondering what, specifically, changed between the current and former versions of Ghost Boy; they could tell that it was different but weren’t sure how. Well, wonder no more, because I’m about to tell you exactly what I did and why!

CHARACTERIZATION

Turbo His personality is more or less the same as it was in the original, but I pushed one element a little further. It’s no secret that I relate to Turbo the most out of all the WIR characters, so back in 2012, I applied a lot of my own experiences towards my portrayal of him (“hmm, I engage in attention-seeking behaviors for X reason, maybe Turbo also engages in attention-seeking behaviors for X reason”). However, in 2012, I had not yet been diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder, which I later discovered was actually a huge part of my personality. IMO, you could definitely make a case for Turbo being autistic-coded in the original Ghost Boy, but I definitely made it more overt in the new version. This has the additional benefit of making it clear that, pre-RoadBlasters, he was mainly teased for his behavior and not his appearance. (In the original, it was supposed to be more like he thought he was being made fun of for the way he looked, and only later figured out that it was more because of the way he acted, but I’m not sure how clear that was.)

Vanellope She was definitely always the biggest characterization casualty in the first version of the fic -- way too cutesy, cried too much, didn’t stand up for herself nearly often enough. I’m going to partially excuse this by mentioning that 1) Ghost Boy was originally based on a roleplay and roleplays tend to have a lot of wangst in them because it’s more fun that way, and 2) the movie had literally just come out in theatres and I hadn’t watched it 999999999 times to get a better handle on how all of the characters acted. But make no mistake, the way I wrote her has been bothering me for ages. In the end, this wasn’t a difficult fix; all I had to do was add her to some scenes where she was absent before, replace most of the being afraid and/or crying scenes with more courageous behavior, and make it unambiguously her decision to reset Turbo. Having a better grasp on her dialogue and mannerisms also helped.

King Candy Mostly I felt that he was a bit too “generic evil” in his appearances. Obviously I wanted him to be threatening, but in the original Ghost Boy, he didn’t have a lot of the traits that made King Candy such an eerie and charming villain in the first place. I have to give a big shout-out to my former RP partner @thekingofkarts for giving me a model of how to write him better, ESPECIALLY his dialogue. Also, I emphasized his canonical tendency to try manipulation tactics before resorting to violence; yes, he’s a little more maniacal than his film counterpart due to being malware, but he at least makes an attempt to achieve his goals with the minimum amount of physical force, mostly in chapter 12 when he tries smooth-talking Turbo to get him out of the way.

Other characters I swapped out or edited certain lines of dialogue to make sure that everyone sounded like themselves. There are various other minor edits that come from seeing the movie about 200 times and being much more familiar with each character’s personality.

STORY

Removal of confusing, unnecessary details As mentioned previously, Ghost Boy started out as a roleplay, which went on for a good chunk of time before we got to the part about Turbo. Some of those previous events played into resurrecting him, and when I wrote the fic, I couldn’t think of a good way to extract him from those events (which were also going to be detailed in my unfinished first WIR fanfic, If It Ain’t Broke). So I kept them in at the time, only to realize years later what I could have done instead. The main thing I got rid of was Fix-It Felix Jr. being unplugged, because literally everyone who read the fic rightfully hated that part, and the confusing-ass Elvira subplot. And yes, that means that King Candy can no longer fire energy spheres out of his hands. What a loss.

Wangst cleanup If you go on the tvtropes page for Ghost Boy, the YMMV section mentions how the amount of crying scenes in the story can be a little exhausting. I didn’t write that entry, but I completely agree with it. On one hand, there’s a lot of emotional moments by virtue of what the story actually is, but on the other, it makes the story drag and your sympathy for the characters wears thin after a while. Hell, this even turned at least one person off the fic completely, as mentioned in a tvtropes review that was removed a while ago. So I did my best to emphasize that the characters are feeling strong emotions, but also expressing this in ways besides crying (Vanellope getting angry with Turbo when he accuses her of lying, Turbo essentially going into shock after the Rainbow Bridge confrontation, Turbo screaming at Ralph after hearing the whole story, etc.). A lot of this also comes from Vanellope being less of a Helpless Child(TM).

Scene swaps/removals

These mostly came about when, over the years, I suddenly realized that there was a more effective and/or interesting way to get across a certain point than what I’d actually written in the original fic. Writing the revised version, I finally had a chance to use these ideas:

Most prominently, the prologue (originally a flash-forward to Turbo learning the truth via watching a race video, because I just couldn’t wait to write that scene) is now completely different and much shorter.

Similarly, Turbo’s first nightmare is not a straight-up written version of the Turbo Reveal scene from the film, and instead consists of King Candy harassing Turbo from a mirror -- based on a pre-movie oneshot I wrote in which the exact opposite thing happened.

I also repurposed an old oneshot that nobody remembers in the scene where Vanellope takes Turbo to Diet Cola Mountain; that scene started out as a pretty pointless close call with some Sugar Rush racers, but I decided that it would be a good opportunity to set up some foreshadowing without everything being in a dream.

Ironically, the Turbo reveal scene, which appeared a grand total of three times in the original Ghost Boy (it’s almost like that’s my favorite scene or something) only appears once, as a dream sequence in chapter 10, replacing the wangstier one where Turbo dreams of flying into boiling diet cola.

The scene in the viewing room where Turbo watches the reveal scene was scrapped in favor of an argument with Vanellope (as part of the Give Vanny More Agency 2k17 initiative).

Almost all of chapter 13 was rewritten for characterization and wangst-purging purposes.

There are other, minor edits that don’t exactly replace entire scenes, but change the flow of the story overall, such as: the “I’m a monster” motif being taken out because it’s a cliche (Frozen was what really killed this for me); Vanellope standing up to King Candy in chapter 15; the family discussion in that same chapter taking place in the forest; and Vanellope and Turbo activating the beacon themselves in chapter 17, rather than asking the adults to do it.

OTHER ALTERATIONS

Writing style Somehow, my years of writing practice have resulted in my developing a very wordy prose style. (I think I just like to show off my vocabulary. I honestly cannot emphasize enough how similar I am to Turbo.) I didn’t completely fix this in the new Ghost Boy because 1) it’s not necessarily always a bad thing, 2) it would have required a full rewrite, and 3) this is something that I’ve only just now started to address in my most recent works. However, I did take the liberty of going back and rephrasing awkwardly worded sections, giving you that smooth and silky reading experience that you so obviously crave.

Edits for canonical accuracy This was just addressing minor errors, such as mistakes in the way I described Sugar Rush’s architecture, as well as straightening out the timeline of what got plugged in and when. For the curious:

Turbo Time -- plugged in 1981, unplugged 1987 (based on Rally-X, its obvious design inspiration)

Fix-It Felix Jr. -- plugged in 1982 (based on the movie)

Tapper -- plugged in 1984 (based on the original Tapper rather than the Root Beer Tapper clone, because if you look at the design, the one in WIR is pretty clearly the alcoholic version no matter how much Disney tries to convince you otherwise)

RoadBlasters -- plugged in 1987, unplugged shortly afterwards (based on its actual release date)

Sugar Rush -- plugged in 1997 (based on the bonus commercial created to promote the movie)

The events of WIR take place in November 2012 (1982 + 30 years). Ghost Boy takes place slightly over a year later, in November/December of 2013; Turbo’s reset day is November 20, and the fic ends around December 14-15. (I didn’t even realize it took place right around Christmas until I sat down and hashed this out.)

I think that’s pretty much everything. On the off chance that you have any questions, you can of course feel free to ask. Anyway, I had a blast with the new Ghost Boy and I’m quite happy with how it turned out!

#ghost boy #wir #turbo

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dinoalexander · 6 years

Text

The Semi-Quotable 2017 Part 4

I never had his problem with Livejournal. I’ve had several problems but never this... Part 4.

——

"Note to terrorists: During WWII, London endured this thing called 'The Blitz'. Google it. They will endure your petty stupidity. Note to Trump: During WWII, London endured this thing called 'The Blitz'. Google it. They will endure your petty stupidity. Keep calm and carry on." -Kevin

"When you scroll to find your name, don't see your name for a really long time, and wonder if you could have squeezed just a couple more fucks in there. Missed fucking opportunities!" -Laura

Jay: "Who doesn't love a Brazilian steak?"

Joe: "Who doesn't love a Brazilian ass!"

C: "Who doesn't love a Brazilian?"

"As soon as American Idol came to America, we were all fucked." -Jenna

"This isn't football, it's boy bands!" -Q

"To quote the great philosopher Cornell Haynes Jr., it's getting hot in herre." -C

"I'll always love UNC but Gonzaga destroyed Tokyo." -Austin

"Make chicken salad out of that chicken shit!" -Q

"If one more person adds me to LulaNotLemon group without asking me, I swear I am going to find every pair of leggings on this island and burn them in a huge bonfire at Bayview Park. #YouveBeenWarned" -Shannon

"Stranger at Walmart just coughed in my face. So I have two, maybe three days to live." -Q

"I got some antibiotics for the bug I've had for over a week. I think it's adorable that CVS colored the antibiotics green for St. Patrick's Day and they taste like mint. I think those lazy bastards just gave me a container of Tic Tacs." Klauss

"I used to date somebody with lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side." -Rammson

"Is that a thing? Because I just made it a thing." -Jordan

“What is the current bar for "most awkward human on the planet" in the Guinness Book of World Records? Cause I wouldn't mind getting something back for all my suffering.” -Christina

“You’re like a WetJet with a lab degree!” -Q, on cleaning up the ER doc’s messes

“Supporting my husband’s love for this awful team.” -Kyle

“THANKS FOR NOTHING, CRABTREE!” -Robin

"Had homey on some Globetrotter shit." -Jabari

"NBC: Where Every Night at 8 PM is Fuckin' Christmas." -Klauss

“Diane, it’s ‪Tuesday, August 1st‬ and I’ve stumbled upon quite a few mysteries here at Fashion Peaks. Tully the horse has been sent to the glue factory, The Ascension has a very peculiar taste in music, and my partner, Deputy Dango, has been abducted - possibly by extraterrestrials. That leaves me with two questions: One, who kidnapped Fandango? Two, why didn’t I just call you instead of record this?” – Tyler Breeze

“Wait, so that giraffe still hasn't given birth? Have we explored the possibility that the zookeeper just overfed her a few months ago and lied instead of admitting the mistake?” - Nedeff

“Just finished watching ‪Die Hard‬ for the first time (we can discuss later). ‪Die Hard‬ is 100% not a Christmas Movie. Just because it ends with Christmas Music doesn’t make it a Christmas Movie.” – Dan O’Toole with the most wrong hot take of 2017

“We're still gonna get near-daily articles trying to Understand The Le Pen Voter though right” @pattymo

“Of course any portrayal of a real-life figure is about so much more than physical resemblance, but come on guys: how did they NOT cast Christopher Plummer as J. Paul Getty in the first place?” – Richard Roeper

“Danny Ainge the only American who can outsmart a Russian.” – David Dennis Jr.

“The Yankees haven’t been in the playoffs in a while so I forgot how punchable Brett Gardner’s face is” – Brad Rutter

“HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” – Dougie Jones

“There’s no fucking way he sold 200 Streamdaddy’s” – Prez on IYH

“By far the most bizarre trivia fact about Dean Stockwell to me is that he’s a trained martial artist.” – Allison Pregler

“Don’t Worry, We’ll Let You Know When The Last Surviving World War II Veteran Dies” - ClickHole

“And I thought Ashley Judd’s sleaziest boss was Benjamin Horne.” – Ken Jennings

“Because hey, if you lose $35 Million one time, try try again!” – Scott Keith on Vince McMahon relaunching the XFL

“I don't recommend going to Wal-Mart 2 days before Christmas. And by "2 days before Christmas", I mean ever.” – BFG

“Pepsi: That was the biggest PR blunder of the week, year maybe.

United: Hold My Beer

Sean Spicer: LEEEEEEEEEERROOOOOOOY JEEEENNNNNNKINS!” - @Lance_Bradley

“IF THE TITANIC HAPPENED TODAY: “Sir, we’re heading straight for that iceberg. / That’s a fake iceberg. / Sir, it’s a mountain of ice and it’s right in front of us. / Full speed ahead! / Sir, we just hit the iceberg and now we’re sinking...Sir?...Women & children first, Sir...” – Jeff Daniels

“Hot on the heels of his triumphant rebranding of MySpace, Justin Timberlake brings sexy back to the NFL.” – Kevin M.

“Derek Jeter is so freaking hot. I hate the Yankees!” – Greg’s friend Kat’s mother

"Marty Jannetty couldn't buy a date..." thankfully 24 years later Marty will make sure his dates don't share his DNA...” - Dane

“Next year's State of the Union should have an In Memoriam montage with everyone who's been fired.” - Nedeff

“What can bring an end to an angry dance montage? FUCKING ‘NAM!” – The Cinema Snob

“IT’S NOT ABOUT THE BUNNY! ………… Is it about the Bunny? ………. No, it’s not about the bunny.” – Tommy “Hawk” Hill

“WARREN WHAT DID YOU DO!?!?” -Jimmy Kimmel after the Oscar Best Picture fuckup

“GOODBYE AOL INSTANT MESSENGER GO FUCK YOURSELF” – The Iron Sheik

“A producer pitches a show to an NBC executive.

"Wow me."

"Okay- it's The OJ Simpson Trial... but wacky!"

"Go on..."

"It's a procedural comedy where we don't know whether he did it until the end of the season!"

"But... this is a murder, right? Someone dies?"

"Oh, yes- good 'n' dead."

"I see... and who were you thinking would play the role of the is-he-isn't-he murderer?"

"The Trinity Killer from Dexter, John Lithgow."

"Dick Solomon?! GREENLIGHT THAT ISH" - Fard

“EVERYTHING TRUMP TOUCHES DIES!” – Rick Wilson

“Can’t believe Weinstein didn’t go with the old “locker room talk” defense.” – Matthew Yglesias

“So here's what we're gonna do. Without my knowledge, my husband came to you for a loan of $20,000. You were nice enough to give it to him. But he should never have been gambling like that. I'm gonna pay you back. Now, at my bank, where we make less than one percent interest on what little money we have, people would be turning cartwheels just to get 25 percent interest on any loan, and that is what I'm generously gonna give to you right now, $25,000. That is my first, last, and only offer to you. What kind of world are we living in where people can behave like this? Treat other people this way without any compassion or feeling for their suffering? We are living in a dark, dark age, and you are part of the problem. Now, I suggest you take a good, long look at yourselves because I never want to see either of you again.” – Janey-E Jones

“If professional wrestling isn't real why have I spent the past hour watching Bobby "The Brain" Heenan videos quietly alone in my hotel room?” – Tom Arnold

Gordon Cole: “We’re not anywhere near Mount Rushmore.”

Albert Rosenfield: “I brought a picture for you.”

Gordon Cole: (Looks at picture) “There they are Albert, faces of stone.”

“This is pretty exciting to be apart of this nomination for @VeepHBO especially since my mom watched the entire last season of Madame Secretary and was confused why I was never on it.” – Paul Scheer

“Nice to know that while other industries are turning to tablets and screens, game show hosts are still plugging away with those little cards.” – SC Duncan

“We will remember the unappreciative, ungreatful, evil, awful, Anthem owl men and the man who’s fond of slapping nuts on how they treated us on our exodus from Impact Wrestling YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!” – Matt Hardy shooting on Double J’s business practices

“Steve Bannon gets tonight’s Last Word – which for him, is the complete silence of utter humiliation” – Lawrence O’Donnell

“SHOVEL YOUR WAY OUT OF THE SHIT!” – Dr. Lawrence Jacoby

“Sorry I took your suit. I mean, you had it coming. Actually, it turns out it was the perfect sort of tough love moment that you needed, to urge you on, right? Don't you think? Let's just say it was. Look, you screwed the pooch hard. Big time. But then you did the right thing: you took the dog to the clinic, you raised the hybrid puppies... alright, not my best analogy. I just wanted to mention that I think with a little more mentoring, you could be a real asset to the team. There's about 50 reporters behind that door, real ones, not bloggers, so when you're ready...” – Tony Stark

“In the Alabama Senate Race, the predicted result among many pundits was a narrow margin of victory. Roy Moore himself, however, was hoping for a shocker in the teens.” – Nedeff

“Sports Illustrated called and said I was probably going to be Sportsman of the Year, but it was going to take a long photo shoot and interview. I’m not proud of my recent perm and have a interpretive dance class at the interview time so I turned it down! No Thanks SI!!” – Noah Syndergaard

“Wow, if I had invested $1,000 in Bitcoin last week, today I would have... still no idea how Bitcoin works.” - @StephenAtHome

“In a confusing twist, Han Solo's name will be revealed to be Luther Campbell.” – Jeff Gerstmann

“Lordy, I hope there are tapes!” – James Comey

“This is the water, and this is the well. Drink full, and descend. The horse is the white of the eyes, and dark within.” – The Woodsman in Episode 8 of Twin Peaks: The Return

“We need some loving profiles of a small town in northern Alabama that thinks obstruction of justice is fine because Drumpf respects cops.” – Matthew Yglesias

“Why are Greg Gumbel and Seth Davis sitting at a desk for ants?” – Andrew Bucholtz

How many more of these things will Tumblr tolerate? Stay tuned...

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