A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
My very first AbhiSquared fic. Read on AO3 here.
He’s sitting with his laptop in front of him on the rickety table, an empty word document open. No words come to him, and he stares at the blinking cursor in some despair. It’s an uncomfortably warm afternoon, and there’s hardly anyone in the café. Ram takes a sip of his coffee and sighs, looking away from his laptop. He flushes slightly as Abhi catches his eye from behind the counter and grins, the other man’s dark brown eyes flecked with spots of gold.
Ram hurriedly turns back to his laptop, and chews his lip in frustration. He really should go somewhere else to work, as all he ends up doing is casting longing glances at Abhi whenever he’s here.
+
Ram had stumbled into The Wide Awake Café on a rushed Monday morning nearly a month ago. He had overslept and forgotten his umbrella, and true to form, it had started to rain heavily. He had ended up racing across the green to reach the only shelter he could see, handwritten story notes in his backpack. It was a small, old-fashioned café, filled with the smells of good coffee and banana bread. There were vintage wooden chairs, a couple of worn armchairs with plump red cushions, and a large, comfortable looking sofa to the side. Low hanging lamps glowed over tables, illuminating the red and gold geometric wallpaper flatteringly.
He hadn’t made a pretty sight as he entered, his clothes damp with the rain, the jeans flecked with mud, his hair completely wild. Cold and wet, he had made a beeline for the counter for a well-deserved cup of coffee.
“Hello there, what can I get you?” a gruff voice asked as he fiddled with his backpack, too impatient to sit down before checking on his notes.
“Just a large coffee will do, thank you” he mutters, huffing in relief when he sees that they’re all dry.
“That will be three pounds fifty”
He reached for his wallet to draw out the money, and promptly felt his heart threaten to jump out of his chest when he saw the barista.
The young man was about his age, with dark brown hair, neatly trimmed beard and sharp, brilliant eyes. He was dressed in a plaid red shirt and jeans, with a green apron that complemented his eyes, and a name tag that said ‘Abhiram’. His hands were large and calloused looking as he took the money from Ram’s suddenly limp fingers, and his beautiful full lips curved into a smile as he told him to go and have a seat.
Ram could positively hear his sister Indu’s voice in his ear as he tried to speak, to not let this chance go by.
Oh hey, nice name. Same as mine. Do you think we have the same number too?
Ram felt the words come up to his throat, but all that came out was a dazed “Uh huh”.
Yes, brilliant work, you idiot. Spoken like a true lit student.
But he had stumbled into an empty armchair nonetheless. His heart was pounding so much harder than when he was making a run for the café, and one look at Abhi’s broad shoulders as he turned away told Ram why.
He had started coming to the café almost every free day since.
+
He does mean to ask him out. When he gets the right opportunity, that is. Abhi’s generally too busy for anything other than a smile; the café is almost always full. He’s just mustering up the courage to stand when the door bangs open and Indu walks in.
Ram suppresses a groan as his sister spots him and swoops in with a loud “Rammmmmm!”
“Indu” Ram says morosely, as Abhi looks curiously over at them both.
“Yes I know, you’re so excited to meet me, but calm down” Indu says, rolling her eyes.
Indu refuses to live with him like she promised their parents when they both got into the same University, and when she’s not throwing loud, raucous parties that go on till the wee hours of the night, she’s raiding Ram’s kitchen. But she’s family, and Ram has precious few of those.
“Oh so that’s why you’ve been out of your dingy apartment lately. Have you asked him out yet, or have you just been staring at him moonily like a creepy stalker all these days?” Indu quips lightly, catching a glimpse of Abhi.
Ram feels his whole face heat up.
“I don’t know what-”
“He’s delicious Ram; you always did have great taste in men, even though they always ended up straighter than a flag pole. I’m tempted to ask him if you won’t.”
“I’m not - ”
“Hey there, Ram” Abhi’s rough voice interrupts, and he smiles warmly at him “Can I get you two anything?”
Ram feels the blood rush to his ears as he hurriedly slams his laptop shut.
“No. Thank you I was just leaving and-”
“But Ramuduuuuu” Indu catches his wrist and pulls him, making him stumble “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your gorgeous friend?”
“I’m Abhi” the barista says, saving Ram the trouble of answering. His voice is unusually cold and forbidding.
“Charming. I’m Indu, Ram’s sister. A very concerned sister, I might say. He almost never used to leave his apartment before, claiming he needed to work in peace.”
“I’ve been working here” Ram interjects desperately, wanting to flee.
“Really?” Indu says, injecting that one word with a great deal of scepticism, “Because from what I see, all you’ve been doing is staring at this lovely young specimen. By the way, isn’t there something you wanted to ask him?”
Ram wants to kill her. His parents wouldn’t really mind, especially if he prefaced the news with pictures of Indu’s apartment mid-party.
“What do you do?” Abhi says kindly, ignoring Indu and turning his warm brown eyes to Ram. There’s a small smile on his face.
“I - ” he’s panicking.
Indu has a wicked grin on her face as she sits back, watching Ram’s red face.
“I uh, am an artist” he babbles, “I um, I thought you looked like a good model and uh- I wanted to ask, um- Sorry”
Abhi stares at him, and for one second, Ram thinks he sees disappointment on his face. Indu looks stumped for a beat, before breezily blustering ahead.
“That’s just perfect. Ram here is a fantastic artist, but he’s always been too shy at approaching people to be his models. He pays really well too, and it’s just a few hours of your time. What do you say, Abhi?”
Ram just gapes at her in dismay while Abhi hesitantly agrees. Indu quickly scribbles down his address and phone number while Ram stands there like an idiot.
“Evening today then?”
“My shift finishes at seven” Abhi says, worrying his full lower lip with his teeth.
The door opens and two girls come in, prompting Abhi to attend to them. Indu claps his shoulder and smirks at him, before jauntily waving goodbye and breezing out, leaving Ram in the biggest mess he’s ever been in.
+
“WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THAT?” Ram screams later at an unimpressed Indu.
“I was not the one who made up such a ridiculous lie, Ram. Don’t blame this on me”
“I was going to ask him. I had a plan”
“Which was going just swimmingly I’m sure. I gave you the perfect opportunity, you were the one who put your foot in it”
Ram deflates.
“What am I going to do?” he mourns, head in his hands.
Indu takes pity on him.
“Cheer up, Ram. In fact, this is perfect. You get to leer at him to your heart's content. Just make a rough sketch of him and seduce him afterwards. By the time he gets your pretty lips over his dick I doubt he’ll care about your little white lie”
She neatly sidesteps the punch Ram aims at her.
“Don’t screw it up Ram.”
+
“So you’re working on a fine arts degree then?” Abhi asks him as he enters Ram’s apartment. He’s dressed simply in a white cotton button up and khakis, and looks devastatingly handsome.
“No. No” Ram says, waving his hands around like a moron, steering Abhi in.
“No?” Abhi looks baffled.
“Sorry, it’s just I’ve never done this before - I mean. I mostly sketch - um - landscapes. Not portraits. But I wanted to sketch you. Not that that’s why I’ve been in the cafe. That was for homework. Not Art - Well -” He gestures helplessly and luckily Abhi takes pity on him and lets the matter drop.
There's a long awkward pause where they just stand there, in Ram’s hastily tidied living room. He begins to wish he had brought some snacks or some soda or tea or anything.
“I don’t have to take my clothes off or anything right?” Abhi asks him finally.
“No.” Ram says again. He seems incapable of saying anything else.
Abhi looks uncomfortable.
“So, what should I do?”
“Just - ” Ram says, gesturing to his favourite red armchair. Words seem unwilling to come out of his big stupid mouth.
“Just sit down? Is that okay?”
“Yes. I’m just sketching the uh- initial draft today” Ram mumbles, sitting across him and grabbing an empty notebook and some pencils. He had only his writing pencils on him, and it had been too late to run out and buy anything else after he had finished with his panicked attempt to clean the apartment.
Ram stares at his page helplessly, and begins to draw. He doesn’t have the slightest clue on how to go about this.
Abhi looks around his apartment with interest while Ram tries to valiantly sketch Abhi’s head, but even after multiple attempts it looks like a wonky balloon. He doesn’t have a real eraser either, the cheap one on the back of the pencil only serving to make the paper dirtier.
“You have a lot of books,” Abhi says, breaking the silence. His voice is smooth and mellow like melted butter.
“Yes, I’m actually a wri-” Ram catches himself before he finishes, “Um. I like reading”
“That’s great. Who’re your favourite authors?” Abhi asks him.
Normally this is the sort of question that would make Ram talk volumes, but he’s too busy trying to not make Abhi’s fingers look like misshapen twigs.
“Lots of them” he answers vaguely, chewing on the end of his pencil.
"I see a lot of classics." Abhi says. He picks up Ram’s much battered copy of Tess of the d'Urbervilles.
"Uh-huh" Ram responds tensely as he studies Abhi again, not meeting his eyes.
Abhi makes a few other remarks, but Ram's only half-listening to him and incredibly nervous, so he grunts a few monosyllabic replies. There's a heavy silence after Abhi gives up, broken only by the scritch scritch of his pencil.
“I’m sorry if I’m bothering you” Abhi says, prompting Ram to look at him in alarm.
“No, you’re not, really. I’m sorry. I just-”
“Need to concentrate I suppose” Abhi finishes for him. He looks disappointed and tired.
Ram nods, feeling his chances at ever asking Abhi out evaporate with every awkward minute. He never should have lied. He never should have listened to Indu’s stupid advice. An uncomfortable half an hour crawls by before Ram finishes, and puts his pencils away.
Abhi stands up and stretches, refusing politely when Ram nervously suggests a coffee.
“No thanks, I’ll just head on home. Have a nice evening.” Abhi’s voice is curt as he turns away.
He’s leaving. He’s leaving and you’ll never see him again. You’ll never find anyone else even a hundredth as amazing and you’re going to die alone in this apartment.
“Some water at least?”
Abhi turns around, and whatever he sees on Ram’s face makes him pause. “Okay.” He sits down again, and gives Ram a small smile.
Relieved, he runs to the kitchen, trying to find his best glasses. He can only find a Garfield mug, and pours some water, slopping it a little and cursing. He’s just about to walk back into the living room when he sees Abhi reach for his book. And flip it open to the page with his drawing.
There’s a silence.
Ram feels his heart sink right down to his shoes. Even someone who knows nothing about art can tell that that sketch was absolutely terrible.
“I’m sorry” he blurts, as Abhi looks at him, his face frighteningly calm and cold.
There’s a long pause before he hurries on. Best to rip the bandage out fast. Best case scenario Abhi leaves, disgusted. Worst case scenario he’s actually straight and would probably spit at Ram before storming off and applying for a restraining order.
“I’m not an artist. I’m an English Lit student. I lied to you because I uh- I’ve been coming to the café because I wanted to ask you out and my sister was just trying to make me say it and I panicked and I lied and I’m just really, really sorry”
He’s just about to die of mortification when Abhi begins to laugh. He drops the book and laughs long and loud, tears of mirth rolling down his cheeks. Ram stands there staring at him, confused.
“Oh god, Ram, you’ll be the death of me, I swear” Abhi gasps after ten solid minutes of cackling, standing up and catching Ram’s eye.
“I don’t -” Ram begins, but is cut off by Abhi striding towards him and kissing him firmly.
He sucks in a startled breath as Abhi wraps his arms around him, his heart thundering in his ears. Abhi pulls away after a minute, smiling gently at Ram and squeezing him a little harder. Ram blinks at him dazedly, his lips tingling from the kiss.
“You’re adorable” Abhi says, his beautiful eyes alight with mischief.
“I’m really not,” Ram says, breaking the embrace to pick up the book. He’s about to tear the page with the sketch when Abhi snatches it off him.
“I’m keeping that” he says, as Ram tries to snatch it back.
“Abhi, please, it’s so embarrassing”
“It’ll make a great visual to our story about how we met, don’t you think?” Abhi says, cutting off his protests by grabbing him and kissing him again, so deeply that Ram’s head begins to spin. They stumble into the armchair together, with Ram in Abhi’s lap.
“So” Abhi says, a little later, panting against Ram’s mouth, “Coffee sometime, me and you?”
“Yes”
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