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kelloggsenthusiast · 1 year

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If montell fish songs were angst stories: Talk 2 me

The heaviness in my chest grew progressively worse with every passing second. Sascha wasn't home yet, but he said he'd be here over two hours ago. I ran my hand over his pillow, longingly.

It was no secret that Sascha's and my relationship was not in a good place. We could barely sit together for an hour without fighting over something stupid, ranging from my insecurities to his jealousy and possessiveness. We couldn't agree on anything anymore, always having conflicting views and opinions and it was straining our relationship. It was so bad that we could go on for days without speaking to each other. In the four years we'd been together, this had never happened. Of course we fought like any normal couple, but it wasn't as bad as tonight.

He took me to the Opera for a show and we stayed for the subsequent cocktail party. It was at the party that someone approached us and asked to talk to him. I didn't mind, so I let her. It was only a few moments later that I realized that the person was his ex girlfriend. My head snapped in the direction of where they went and I curtly excused myself from the circle of people Sascha and I were talking to.

A dull ache developed in my chest with every step I took towards the corridor they ran off to. I found Alex and the girl- alone- and speaking in hushed tones. Her hands were on his chest and around his shoulders and his hands were idly at his sides.

Blinded by my anger, I fled from there. I heard Sascha call after me but i just kept moving. The lights were brighter, the sounds were louder and the pain was more intense. I felt like dying. I made my way out of the opera house and onto the pavement. I placed a hand over my chests the anger gave way to bone crushing pain. I heaved a sob before covering my mouth.

"Meine Liebe," I hear Sascha say as I feel his hands wrap around my shoulders.

I pull away and wipe my tears frantically, thanking God for waterproof makeup.

"I'm fine, in sorry," I say, my voice still thick with tears.

"You're not okay, Ma-"

"I said I'm fine. Let's go back. Rafa and the others will be looking for us," I say, getting ready to go back.

"For God's sake, Max, do something. React. Scream. Cry, anything. I'm tired of you being so goddamn passive!" He shouts. I turn to face him slowly, trying to control the simmering anger I feel.

"What exactly do you want me to do, Alex? How do you want me to react? For fucks sake, I'm tired, okay? There, I said it! I hate that your Goddamn ex is ruining everything we've built and I can't do anything because you're letting her-"

"Dont you fucking assume I'm cheating on you, Maxine."

"How am I not to assume, Alex? You said you broke up with her long ago but why is she here? What was she going to do to you? What were you about to let her do to you?"

" Fuck, Max, it's not even like that. Four years we've been together! You know me better than anyone else and you know I'd never do that to you. I'd never let it go there."

" Well, lately I don't know the man I've been laying next to at night."

"Thats rich, considering I've had to force you to open up to me."

I scoff and turn around, heading back to the party. I find Rafa and tell him I'm leaving. Alexander materializes besides me and his hand is on the small of my back. To them, we are a happy couple.

It cannot change.

The drive home is awkward and painfully silent. I run through the argument in my head and regret immediately seizes me. I want to apologize because, ultimately, I'm the one in the wrong. I never open up to him and tell him what's on my mind and in my heart.

He's frustrated, and rightfully so.

Back at our apartment, he changes into his tennis clothes, grabs his duffle bag and tells me he'll be home in an hour.

I roll over to his side of the bed and inhale. It's been a little over four hours since he left. My eyes fill with tears and I feel sincere remorse for how I've been treating him.

My own issues and insecurities shouldn't interfere with our relationship. I simply love him too much to lose him over something this trivial.

I pretended to be asleep while cuddling his pillow when he finally arrived minutes later. I heard him shower and move around the apartment before joining me in bed.

"I wish you could talk to me, like you used to. I love you, Max," he says before kissing my forehead and falling asleep besides me.

#Spotify #tennis x reader #tennis imagine #alex zverev #Alex Zverev imagine #Alex Zverev x reader #angst #Alex Zverev fanfics

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footballffbarbiex · 4 years

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Let The World Fall Down. Chapter One.

Summary: So come here, and close your eyes Lie back, release your mind And let the world fall down while I'm by your side After years of refusing to acknowledge what is in front of both of them, Sascha and his best friend finally have time together after months apart. But is this uninterrupted time together what they need to finally admit what they’ve known all along?

words: 3901 Warnings: none really. Mutual pining, Mischa being sassy and playing the matchmaker. A/N: not BETA’d so all errors and typos are my own. I’m a NERVOUS wreck posting this so please let me know what you think? Tag list is open.

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This is the longest that she’s gone without seeing him and though she understands the reasons why, it didn’t mean that she didn’t miss him any less. The phone calls and facetime just didn’t feel the same as it did when in person. The video calls satisfied her a little but not like it should. Like a cheap and greasy meal, it filled you for a tens of minutes but before the hour is up, your stomach is rumbling again, wanting something real.

Sure, she had laughed and had grinned throughout the video call, and for a little while after, she felt good. She felt happy and content with what she had, but after more time had passed, she went back to missing him once more. The weeks crept past at what felt like a snails pace and though she knew it wasn’t Sascha’s fault, she blamed him for the content he’d send her when he thought he was just helping. Cute videos of him and his dog, sleepy morning Sascha barely awake, and ones of him looking into the camera and saying goodnight. She loved it so much that she started to dread whatever else he’d send because it would only make things worse.

Her wake up was rude to say the least. Constant phone calls which wouldn’t let up until she answered.

“What are you doing? Don’t tell me you’re still sleeping?” Sascha’s voice had singsonged down the line at her.

“Well not now. is it you that’s been calling me all morning?”

“So you have been ignoring me? That’s just rude.” He’d clicked his tongue and scoffed. “And I thought you’d wanna be here with me. Guess I was wrong.” He’d tried to put on a sad voice and she could almost see the pout he’d have on his face as he said it.

“You know I can’t see you. Don’t be an ass about this.”

“Nu-uh. Someone slept through the announcement. It’s official. You can see me. Pack whatever you don’t already have here, and I’ll see you soon.”

It was the only thing she needed to get out of bed. She’d scrambled around her room, tripping over clothes and objects that she couldn’t remember ever putting there. She remembered falling asleep early on the couch while watching a movie and had woken up, uncomfortable, aching with a sore neck from her awkward position and took herself to bed without really looking at anything other than to put her phone on the wireless charger and fell back asleep without a second thought.

She’d left a lot of things at Sascha’s before like always, only she didn’t think it would be months until she would be using them again. She packed a small, modest bag. Clean underwear, a few change of clothes which can easily be washed without a second thought. She’s used Sascha’s deodorant and at times, even slipped on a pair of his boxer shorts and one of his shirts to sleep in. She remembers the way his face would light up as he’d watch her walk into the room.

“You look adorable in that.”

His eyes had lingered a little longer than necessarily over her body as she’d walked towards him but she liked it. Sascha never once made her feel uncomfortable, their friendship never crossed over that line but she can’t deny that sometimes she’s wanted him to take those steps. There’s always been a certain chemistry between them, and though she knows Sascha is an incredibly warm and friendly person, mutual friends and family had started to make comments about the small differences with him when she’s around.

She’d tried not to get her hopes up or look too much into it but sometimes, it felt as though they were a couple more than best friends and at times, because of how close they were, it was too easy to picture they were.

“Tell me,” Mischa had said one evening when Sascha had left the room, “if he didn’t like you, why would he continuously find something wrong with his relationships?”

“Because there was something wrong with the relationships?” She’d replied slowly, looking at him as though he was a crazy person. “If he really liked me,” she said, lowering her voice, “why would he have relationships just to sabotage them?”

“To make a point that he isn’t crazy about you?”

“Your boy logic is both stupid and childish. And I want no part in it,” she’d said and flicked him on the nose before trying to ignore his smirky faces for the rest of the night.

Despite everything being said to her, she never felt as though remaining friends hindered their relationship. It grew from strength to strength and though her feelings for him niggled away beneath the surface, they never interfered and she never held it against him for not feeling the same for her. If he knew, he had a good way of hiding it, and the fact that he looked forward to seeing her today put her in an incredible mood.

Her journey to him seemed to take forever, and though she was trying to remain patient because they’ve had months of this now, simply knowing she’d be with him within the hour had her feeling impatient. She’d drummed her fingers against the door of the car, sang along (in her head) to the song on the radio and tried to tick off the little check points she had for visiting him. Certain stores, certain locations they’d gone together. Each check point means she’s getting closer to him and her excitement begins to radiate throughout her.

How close are you?

Looking forward to seeing me?

No. I need to know how long I have so I can pretend not to be in.

He’d done this before. Had her travel out to see him, and for some reason, she can’t quite remember why now, they’d started arguing via text over something stupid which resulted in him refusing to let her in and he’d pretended to not be home for at least an hour, leaving her alone on his doorstep, stewing in her anger towards him.

I will turn around and go home…

No you won’t. His response is accompanied by a picture of him snuggling into their favourite hoodie of his. His chin and most of his mouth was covered by his hoodie sleeve covered fist, but she still saw the curve of his lips, the raise of his cheek and the way his eyes crinkled. She hated him sometimes and when he played like this, she hated him even more. She hugs her luggage a little closer to her as they’re mere streets away, not that she now wants to give him any indication of it. Not after that.

She quickly pays once there, grabbing her belongings as fast as she can without dropping anything and throws the bag over her shoulder and trundles over to the door which swings open before she even has chance to knock. He’s no longer wearing the hoodie, it dangles from three fingers while his other arm is open and extended. His hair is a mess but clean and fluffy, and he wears his glasses again.

“No contacts?”

“Thought I’d treat you.” He replies, wrapping her into a big hug, knowing perfectly well that she always gets soft puppy eyes at him when he wears his glasses.

Because for a moment I can pretend you’re not as stupid as the things which come out of your mouth sometimes she’d told him previously and he’d scowled at her.

She feels him bend his knees so that he’s closer to her, his face buries within her hair and she hears him sigh contently when her arms close around his waist and lock behind his back. She breathes him in, takes in his laundry detergent and the faint smell of aftershave which lingers from the hoodie. “I’ve missed you so much.” He whispers as Lövik sniffs around their legs, his paw scratching carefully at her leg to let her know that he’s there. “I’m not the only one.”

“I’ve missed him too.”

“Not me?” He asks and she chuckles to herself as he tightens his grip on her as she tries to wriggle out of his grip, but he’s stronger than he looks even with only one arm around her as the other still offers his hoodie out and holds her closer to him.

“Gonna let me go?” She queries when he shows no sign of letting up and she feels him shake his head against hers.

“No. I’ve waited too long for this.” She’s not mad, just shuffles his big frame backwards, careful not to nudge Lövik out of the way too hard but does so to shut the door behind her with her foot.

“I don’t mind all of this, but you’re going to have to let me go at some point you know.” She tells him, offering him a way out while secretly hoping he keeps holding onto her just as tightly.

“At some point.” He repeats, “not right now. Just let me have this.”

He’s infectious as always, no matter what he’s doing, his mood spreads to others. Sascha usually has a lot to say but today he’s something else. He seems to bounce from place to place, no longer walking or pacing like he could, he’s like tigger, unable to stay still and his words are tumbling out at record speed and yet despite being here, there and everywhere, he can’t stay away too long and has to be within touching distance of her.

“How do you still have something to say considering how much we talk already on a daily basis and you’ve barely shut up since I arrived?” She asks in awe. Sascha grins at her and comes to a stop in front of her.

“I’m just happy that you’re here.” He says, cocking his head to the side to observe her. When he’d finally let her go, she’s tugged his hoodie from his hand and pulled it on with ease, her hands had fisted front, bringing it up to her nose and she’d breathe it in deeply.

“You’ve just hugged me, why’d you need to do that?”

“Because this just hits different.” She’d told him and shuffled off after scooping Lövik up into her arms.

“what about your bags?” he’d called after her.

“you don’t hold a dog and bark yourself.” She’d responded, adapting the quote and hearing him laugh behind her. Her things were taken to his spare room, though they both know it’s unofficially her room regardless of who else stays there, and he’d laid himself down on the soft mattress, plopping his body down on it with his legs dangling off the edge from the knee down. He’d grinned up at her, adjusted his glasses and ran his fingers through his hair to push it from his face and she’d wondered how she’d remained standing when her legs had felt close to buckling.

With Sascha’s cooking ability being non-existent, she takes over in the kitchen, wincing when she saw the state of the pans. “What did you do to them?” She asked before he snatched it from her hand.

“I tried to fend for myself and since then, because of that, I’ve been living on take out.” he holds the burnt pan out of her reach, one hand on her head as she tried to swipe at the hand holding the cooking equipment behind him.

“How did you not burn your house down if that pan was anything to go by?”

“There were flames and swearing and panic and the smoke alarm was singing to me. Never again. Did you know you can burn water?”

“You can’t.”

“Apparently I can.”

“But how is that possible?”

“Where there’s a will, there is a way. And I found that way.”

He’d watched as she made herself at home once more, making him sit down as she got to work. She gave him drinks, little snacks to chew on as she made them something to eat.

“I still think it’s some kind of sorcery that you put things in those pans and they just cook. As it should.”

“I still think it’s crazy that a grown man can’t make anything for himself. I’m starting to think this is the reason you wanted me to come over.”

“Why do you think I missed you?” He grinned and she shook her head, fully intending to make sure his fridge and freezer has some readymade meals for ease before she leaves him again.

He’d expressed his gratitude with a series of grunts, low moans and groans as he’d savoured each mouthful, commenting how amazing it felt to finally be able to eat something which hadn’t been delivered via a delivery driver on his third stop. He’d inhaled it and then devoured a second portion too before retiring to the couch where he now slumps and rubs his swollen belly.

“Oh, don’t mind me, I’ll just cook for you and clean up after huh?” She shouts teasingly from the kitchen, making sure there’s enough bite in her voice to get her point across but with enough smile to be heard in her words so that he knows she’s not fully serious.

“Leave it, I’ll do it afterwards. I have a dishwasher for a reason.”

“I still don’t understand why,” she comments as she makes her way towards him, “you don’t cook and you eat take out so don’t even need to use plates.”

“I keep it around for when you come and feed me. Obviously.” He grins and beckons her over. She slides up to him and begins to curl her legs beneath her when he pulls them over his own and gives her another small smile as she gets comfortable. “Do you want to choose what we watch?” He asks, offering her the controller.

He waits until she’s browsing before moving his hand to his belly, stroking over the food swollen spot to begin with. She chooses what to put on and they lapse into a silence as the TV plays and Lövik stops pacing to lay beside Sascha’s feet with a huff. As the minutes pass by and he relaxes into a state of sleepiness, his fingers stroke over her ankle, slowly massaging and pinching at her skin until he can feel her beginning to relax beside him. A smile tugs at his lips and he finds himself zoning out, lost in thought about something but nothing.

By the time he’s focusing again his hand is just above her knee, stroking up and down with his fingertips over her thigh. He blinks to focus his eyes and turns to look at her to say something but when he does, he feels it click into place.

He’s not too proud to admit to himself that he’s waited impatiently to see her again. That he’d wanted to contact her far more than he had. That he regretted not holding onto her a little longer the last time they saw each other, even though he gives her the biggest cuddles he possibly can each time she leaves anyway. He wishes he’d submitted it more to memory, but they’d seen each other at least twice a month prior to this and he didn’t think he wouldn’t be seeing for so long. No-one did and so the moment she came through that door, he didn’t want to let her go again for fear that she’d be pulled from him once more.

“If you’re just calling me to tell me that you miss her, hang up. Right now.” Mischa had said immediately upon answering the call on one of the occasions, forcing Sascha to pull a face and abruptly hang up. Six minutes later, Mischa was sighing down the phone at him and saying “go on, get it all out. You may as well say it someone if you won’t just admit it to her.”

“There’s nothing to admit.” He’d replied stubbornly and gritted his teeth, hating being called out when he didn’t need that at that moment in time.

“There is and the longer you leave it, the worse this is going to get. Or, it’s fine. Don’t say anything, swallow your feelings, get over this crush and let her get a boyfriend and move on.” Mischa’s tone had turned strict and he quickly found himself feeling like a child again. The two things he found himself taking away from the conversation in total was the way he felt silly for overthinking about her and the fact that she really could just get a boyfriend and move on.

Move on.

He’d almost wanted to scoff at the thought. He didn’t even know how she felt and here he was, thinking she was already getting over her feelings for him. Hell, he didn’t even know how he himself felt, though part of him wanted to accept that he didn’t just see her as a friend. They’d been the same way for almost all of their friendship that this was just the normal for them. She knew him better than anyone, better than any of his exes had ever tried to.

He’d kept his relationship and his friendship separate until he knew where he’d stood with it. He hadn’t wanted to scare off any potential good relationships with how close he was to her but at the same time, he hadn’t hidden her away either. They knew his best friend was a woman, they heard stories involving her and other than that initial meeting, he hadn’t kept her a secret but had started to drive himself crazy when he began to compare his potential girlfriend with the chemistry that he felt for her and sadly for him, it wasn’t as strong, he didn’t feel that click. As much as he hated comparing the two, which were very different situations, he wasn’t prepared to accept something less than he felt was right.

“So she’s setting a standard that you haven’t actually had.” Mischa had challenged during one of their many talks about her and Sascha wanted to biff him over the head.

“She’s not setting anything.” He’d responded and regretted starting the conversation.

“She is though. You’ve never dated her, have you even kissed her?” Mischa had asked, accusation dropping from his voice for a moment to ask. Sascha confirmed they had not. “So you haven’t kissed, anything sexual is out of the question then, you haven’t told her you like her and don’t challenge me on this Sascha, we both know it even if you don’t want to admit it, and yet, you measure any future girlfriend against her. If you want someone like her, just drop the like part, ditch any other girls and do us all a favour and just date her.”

And until this moment, he hadn’t thought it was truly because his feelings were more than he originally thought, he just simply put it down to it being a different type of friendship. But sitting here with his hand on her thigh and her staring straight ahead at the TV, the light flickering across her face casting her in a light glow, he’s never had the urge to kiss her as much as he does now. The time spent apart has done more than made him miss her, it’s made him face his feelings and realise how his life would be if she wasn’t around. They’d spoken sure, but it hadn’t felt the same, not even with their video calls. He wanted her here with him, snuggled up next to him and for him to be able to wake up in the morning and know that when he rolls out of the bed that she’ll be there at his waiting for him somewhere within his home, no doubt snuggled up with Lövik after sneaking him into her room.

“I kinda don’t want you to go.” He says, knowing if he doesn’t say something now then he won’t.

“I did just get here.” She chuckles, “and I’ve got this big ol’ belly right now.” She takes his hand and places it on her stomach and jiggles it. She’s trying to emphasize her food belly but it’s the wrong moment to be doing this and he’s not sure how to react. “I’m not going anywhere,” she gives her more sincere smile. “At least not for a few days anyway.” His thumb strokes over the small swell of her belly, temporarily able to picture a future that he hadn’t considered previously.

“I just…I realised how much I loved having you here when you weren’t, and how much I took having you specifically around.” He pulls his hand from her belly, feeling a little inappropriate to leave it there while trying to say what he needs to say.

“I think we certainly took it for granted before.” She nods in agreement. “It just means we’ll have to make the best of any time we do spend together. I know I mocked you earlier,” she says as she rests her head against the sofa now and turns to look at him properly, “but I’ve missed you. A lot.”

“How much?” He asks, and she rolls her eyes. He always tries to beat her at everything. Marshmallow eating competition, how much popcorn he can put in his mouth. Even with something like this, he has to miss her the mostest.

“Enough to start hating your videos.”

“Oh.” He answers, knowing he’s a little touchy right now and that she wouldn’t have meant it in the way that it’s come out but it still stings to hear it.

“I just mean that it started to get a little too much, in a good way mostly. I didn’t want videos of you or phone calls. I wanted you. I loved seeing you,” she says, reaching over and stroking his hair, “but I wanted to be here, doing this.” She smiles as he leans into her hand, closing his eyes momentarily to appreciate the moment. “My handsome soft boy.”

He hates the way his stomach flips as she refers to him as hers but it does. Only it doesn’t feel as though it’s flipping anymore but bursting into butterflies. He covers her hand with his own, his fingers slipping through the gaps of hers. She doesn’t fight it, if anything she welcomes the two of them joining hands.

“How long do you want me to stay here?” She asks. “I didn’t bring a whole lot of things but I figured I could always do some washing. I don’t want to outstay my welcome. Especially so soon.”

“You don’t see me for several months and you’re already planning to get out of here?” He replies as his eyes snap open to look at her.

“More like I haven’t seen you for several months and I’m wondering when you’ll kick me out. Wouldn’t be the first time you’ve done that.”

It wouldn’t. He knows this and in hindsight, he’s not so proud about that day. “Well, I can assure you that I’m in no rush to do that again.”

“You sound certain.”

“I am. I’ve got plans for us, and I need you to stick around for it.” Because how else can I tell you I love you, if it’s not in person?

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