#BC THERES A FUCKING HOLE IN IT - like wow loved getting that closed up !

[bibleofficial]

think i broke my knee and my parents are talking ‘we’ll help u get to school ❤️’ like can yall use ur fucking heads for ONCE if i CANT WALK take me to a HOSPITAL jesus fucking CHRIST this is why i do everything MYSELF

#stream #& they’re PISSING ME OFF W THIS FOOLISHNESS #like are u fuckign kidding #‘i’ll help u get to class’ what am i 14 ? DO U THINK IM GOING TO FUCKING SCHOOL #I’LL DRIVE MY ASS TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL LIKE I ALWAYS DO BC YALL ALWAYS REFUSE TO #‘u don’t need to go to the hospital’ then i get to the hospital & they’re like ‘thank u for coming u need staples in ur skull’ #BC THERES A FUCKING HOLE IN IT - like wow loved getting that closed up ! #‘happy easter’ bro i wish i were crucified w jeezy boy himself it would feel so much better bc at least the salvation of death i can taste #on my lips #i mean it’s not that bad i can wiggle my toes & it only causes like a 3 on the pain scale #but putting weight on it ? lol i’m YELLING

[grapesodatozier]

I don't know if this has been done before ( though I feel like it hasn't cuz I ain't seen it anywhere yet) but virgin Mike with experienced Richie? That would be HOT and sweet and intense

oh man!! you are so right anon, this is super hot and super sweet!! this one is a whole novel lmao so under the cut again

oooooookay so i was gonna make this a fic bc i love this idea so much but i decided that i have so many thoughts that im just gonna talk about it SO. first of all. this is so gd sweet bc like?? the trust here?? like mike being 22 and hes never done anything more than hand stuff, meanwhile richie had a slut phase his sophomore and junior years of college so hes seen a lot lol. so for mike to open up to richie and tell him that hes never done this before?? to not be embarrassed or scared that he'll be bad at it?? to trust that richie will take care of him and wont judge him?? to make himself that vulnerable and feel comfortable and safe?? that just really gets me emotional okay that is beautiful

so here's what im picturing:

friends to lovers ofc bc friends to lovers is that trope!! so mike and richie meet in college, and they've been friends for a few years when one night mike stays later in richies dorm room than everyone else and they stay up til like two just talking, and theyre both a little sleepy but they dont want the night to end, and they've drifted closer together until their breaths are mingling and their noses are just brushing against one another, and mike leans forward and closes the distance bc he cant take the way his heart is racing, and richie is giving him this look thats driving him wild, and he needs to know if richies lips are as soft as they look, and hes so tired and richie is so warm and everything is so quiet it almost feels like a dream. and then richie is kissing him back, soft and intentional at first, but then hes laying mike down and the kiss gets so much deeper it has mikes entire body glowing.

they stay up until 4:30 just kissing and talking and touching each other so gently, just stroking each others cheeks and running knuckles over each others sides, taking in that this is all real. then richie ofc is like "mike youre sleepy i dont want you walking across campus by yourself at 4am and also i dont want you to leave" so mike stays over, and sleeping in richies arms is the best sleep hes gotten since he got to college

so they're a couple, and theyre hooking up, but they're about a month in now and they havent done anything past hand stuff. and richie is super patient, he doesn't wanna rush anything, but he thinks maybe mikes just nervous about being the one to intitiate going further?? so one time when theyre grinding into each other, basically just dry humping on richies bed, richie murmurs in mike's ear, "fuck, baby, wanna get my mouth on that pretty cock of yours so fucking bad" but then mike stiffens, his movements stopping completely, so obviously richies like shit im sorry did i do something wrong?? and then mike is blushing super hard and explains that he's never done anything more than hand stuff and hes really nervous, and richie is so soft for mike, he adores him, and hes just kissing all over his face like "baby, why didn't you tell me? you know i'll take such good care of you" and mike m e l t s and then he gets a little coy like "will you... show me?" all biting his lip and batting his eyes as if he hasn't been jerking off to the thought of asking richie that question for over a year now. and richies response is just what mike wants, he can see his eyes getting darker, and mike is thrilled. and richie kisses him so deeply and passionately like "fuck yes baby, i've got you, i'll show you, baby"

and then clothes are coming off and richies blowing mike bc he insists on going first bc hes so excited to give mike his first blowjob and absolutely blow his mind. and honestly, he doesnt tell mike this until a few weeks later when they've settled into things more, but knowing that he was the only one to ever make mike feel that good made richie feel so warm, and also made his skin burn in the most amazing way, and the whole time mike was moaning and squirming beneath him richie couldnt help but think mineminemine, only mine, and he murmurs things like "my sweet baby" into mikes hip, almost low enough for mike not to hear it, but he does and he absolutely loves it

and then richie is guiding mike through blowing him, and its both so hot and so sweet?? like mikes teeth keep catching every now and then, and like yeah it hurts a bit but its also endearing?? like?? richie loves him so much and this is such an intimate thing and mikes trusting him with this moment in his life?? richie has to keep himself from blurting out his first "i love you" while mikes blushing and apologizing and richies just like "thats okay baby, you're doing so good" bc of course mike wants to be good at this, and then mike says "wanna make you feel good" all shy and a little bit sad and embarrassed and richies like nonono baby you make me feel so good you have no idea, and he cups mikes face and mike nuzzles into his palm bc richie is so warm and he makes mike feel so safe and loved bc he is!!

when they first have penetrative sex (or fuck or make love or what have you) (theres no cute or hot way to say that im sorry i tried lol) mike is on top. richie fingers himself open, then guides mikes fingers into him, and mike gets the hang of that p quickly, his eyes wide in wonder and glued to where his fingers and richies hole come together. richie cannot believe how beautiful mike is and how lucky richie himself is. by this time i imagine they've said "i love you" already, so when mikes sinking into richie he's breathing hard and burying his face in richies neck and just moaning "i love you i love you i love you" while he fucks richie slow and deep, the sensation is so new and so intense for him

and then after getting used to that, a week or two later richie is finally fingering mike open, so carefully and intentionally, taking such good care of him. and mike makes the prettiest faces when richie first sinks into him. and its new, there's a stretch, but it doesn't hurt. in fact, it feels fucking amazing, and thats how mike learns that hes a switch but its like 80/20 in favor of bottoming, its like hes discovered a new level of consciousness or enlightenment lmao and thats just missionary, richie pressing sweet kisses all over mikes face, telling him how beautiful and amazing he is, how good he feels

once they start getting more hot and heavy with it mike is ready to ask richie to fuck him from behind. and mike was a whimperer before, letting out these pretty little moans that richie fucking drank in. but as soon as mikes on all fours and richies fucking into him mike is fucking screaming, like he never understood how people could scream during sex until that moment. in this position richie gets so fucking deep, its insdescribable, and mike is speechless pretty much off the bat, just screaming yesyesyesfuckmefuckmefuckme when he can manage to say actual words. and it catches richie off guard but fuck is it hot to know that mike is literally screaming for his cock, not even caring that other students on that floor can definitely hear it, like could not possibly miss it, and mikes just way too blissed out and fucked out to care bc wow it feels so good its like a whole new thing. mike even bites the pillow the second time they do it, but hes still super loud even then. but the image of mike face down ass up is possibly one of the hottest things richie has ever seen in his life, and he’s absolutely covering mike in kisses once they both come down

wow they're in love i adore them sm!!

so yeah im v on board w this idea lol v sweet, v hot, thank you sm for sending me this!!

#notsfw #wheelzier

[revol-lover]

i know i have become a shit post queen but this site is a good place to just dump thoughts when i’m too lazy to actually write them down so don’t mind me. also i’m “ok enough”. like i’m not ok-ok but i’m not like badly not ok. 

ok? anyway.

so idk what it is. being raised by emotionally distant parents esp my mom or the depression thats probably also related to that but man i just feel so empty for such long periods of time. empty, or maybe detached is a better word. and just really really restless. and also that when i have good emotions, i dont feel them all that much. idk. sometimes i feel like i’m on the outside looking in on my life. i have a lot of feelings but then at the same time i dont. maybe because i repress a lot then it all builds up and explodes. idk. its awful though. 

i also feel like i have two very distinct sides to me. half of me is like fuck this shit i just want to self destruct but i wont because i’m too responsible to do that and the other half is like wow life is so interesting i am a spirit not a body and i want to be an enlightened being. neither of those sides of me is less me than the other. neither is a farce or anything but its fucking hard for those two sides of me to coexist. the only middle ground, which is probably like 1/3 of the time how i feel, is blah. neutral to absolutely everything.

and i think ive talked about this before but before the whole corona/quarantine thing i was at this extreme level of DONE with feeling isolated in my life, esp as a sahm. done with falling into the trap of believing being a mom was my whole identity (and its definitely a part of it, of course. but i think its unhealthy for moms to think its all we are) like i totally lost myself for a while. my daughters birth being traumatic and her having potential life long complications (and ‘potential’ meaning, her diagnosis is so complicated. theres never going to be a time where we get a real “all clear”. some kids have developed seizures again way down the road, especially at certain ages where kids go through a lot of development.) and then ofc just raising a child with all of that going on, plus normal toddler craziness, plus having a kid who is super hyper and smart and amazing but parenting after having a difficult relationship with your own mother is one of those things that is really hard and not talked about enough. i never feel like im doing enough. i never feel like she likes me.i know thats so stupid but i really am that insecure about my parenting, no matter how hard i try. i just want my child to love me and sometimes toddlers do things that make you feel like crap (ex ‘i dont want u mom i want daddy!’ and i can rationalize it, dad’s the exclusive parent. i’m just here all the time like the furniture. i get it.) and its just a big complicated thing with my emotions. not what i was trying to say tho i got off track.

anyway the isolation thing. so i had a plan. a plan!!! i have this one awesome long time friend, honestly my only friend outside of my husband who knows me like the good bad and ugly, has known me for a very long time, and has been there for me through some really tough shit. he’s like the brother i never had, truly. (i have a biological brother but we dont really talk.) so i talked to him about things i was going through and he’s also been going through a challenging time in his life and he told me he’d help me get out there. we were going to force me to learn to socialize and make friends in “real life” by putting me in those situations. we were going to go to some poetry club. a show downtown. like i was ready. then corona happened. and my already crawling out of my skin isolation got worse because hey we cant do anything now, not even see my one friend. 

so yeah. i was fine in the beginning of all this because i figured, hey by may itll be over! then hey by june! then maybe 4th of july. which has become, my daughter is so excited about her birthday party in august and i dont even know if i can throw her one and i dont know how to deal with this or explain it to her.

i know this is major first world problems and im all over the place and i document this dumb shit because i hope one day i’ll be so far past it and be able to look back and think well wow i made it through 2020  but yeah idk

i think part of it is i’m turning 27 in two weeks and my saturn return thing is just getting so close and i’m starting to see the beginning of shit in my life crumbling underneath me. like i know what i gotta do. i  have to put myself out there. i have to get out of my safety zone. and i have to use my gifts to help others not just sit here drowning in my self pity but obviously its hard to challenge yourself and put yourself out there, literally, during a pandemic. 

and the last point which is just something that boggles my mind about myself that i dont understand. like i’m definitely depressed. i have very bad anxiety too. and even though i can be extremely self pitying and go into like a black hole of sadness, i still dont let myself do bad things. which is good, obviously. but its iike i’ve been recovered from self injury for probably about ten years but some days i am so deep in my shitty feelings or empty feelings that i just want to do it again but i cant. theres something in me that wont let me. and i guess im glad for that, obviously. i guess my life/universe/guardian angel is trying to force me to face shit for real and not just have shitty coping mechanisms but idk. like it was a bad outlet but idk. sometimes, just sometimes, i feel like it did more for me than just writing things out. which is bullshit because it did nothing for me except give me a bunch little permanent reminders of shitty times. but idk. that’s my brain for you. sometimes i want to just let it all go and be a mess in my feelings and not care if i’m ok but then my brain is like nope bitch you cant do that. youre not 17 anymore, get up.

and i know some people would read this (well no - no one would read all this lmao but in a theoretical sense) and think like, oh did you try therapy or oh maybe try meds and the thing is 

therapy - i tried it. i liked the idea of it. bad fit with the therapist tho. didnt like being kicked out after 45 min (which i understand but bitch i need more than that to explain one problem) and it felt weird to be told by her, that she felt like i had a good handle on things. cause i dont really feel that way and i feel like she didnt have much to tell me  in terms of how to idk fix myself besides journaling, which i’ll give her. it helps

meds: i i dont really want to go that route yet because my body is really sensitive to medication. like i dont even take bc or anything like that. however i think ive decided that since its super legal and obtainable i might try pot once we are able to move into our own place. so if anyone did actually read this far and have experience with that (esp w anxiety) please enlighten me. i had some samples of some cbd stuff and it was amazing for my anxiety but it’s way too expensive for me to use consistently.

this has been a very long shit post but i feel better so theres that.

[lonelyshrimp]

What happened with your roomies if you don’t mind me asking...?

 Yknow what I’m in a mood and they don’t know my tumblr (haha they think I’m a cisstraight girl lol) so let’s get into some shit. Imma put everything under a read more bc imma rant a bit and this is gonna get long.

TW: food, unsanitary (general things not being kept clean, typically bathroom and kitchen related), drug use, fighting, slurs

tl;dr if you dont feel like reading this beast:

They steal what food i dare leave out in the kitchen rather tan keep in my room

They slam doors excessively, fight, yell horrible things to each other, have friends over yelling at like 2 am (last night for example)

Leave the doors unlocked and open?? We cant even lock the front door anymore??? (Dw the doors to our rooms all have locks. If I’m in my room or out of the house, my door is locked)

Constantly throw around the r slur. Like. All the time. Including one person having called me it. Y i k e s

One person keeps smoking in the house even though i’ve asked numerous times (and even have a note on my door) asking people to please smoke outside, it gives me headaches. You are physically hurting me stop.

Don’t Clean Anything. The kitchen is a wreck. The toilets are constantly clogging, I Am In Hell.

For context: the house is a one story house divided into a main floor and finished basement. It’s a rooming house and the basement is largely seperate from upstairs. (They have a kitchen door that they keep closed and locked.) The stairs to the basement are split into two smaller flights, with a landing in between the floors. That’s where the side door is. The public spaces upstairs are the kitchen (connects to stairs), the hallway, and the two bathrooms (big main one, tiny water closet by the front door). The rest of the upstairs is split into five rooms. For comprehension sake, we’ll call my roommates: The Couple (M&F), A, T, and J.

Mmkay lets start with the least egregious and move our way up, shall we? Theft! Of anything and everything! No one can have anything out in the public areas if they actually care about it. It. Will. Get. Stolen. Now, I have a mini fridge and the second biggest room here, so I’m lucky in that 99% of my groceries, as well as all my other belongings, fit in my room. There’s just a wee problem: I don’t have a freezer. Not to fear, past naïve me thought, I’ll just clean out and use the locked freezer since I still have the keys for that fridge! (We have two fridges and food theft was a problem beforehand and so me and my friend who lived here cleaned out the second fridge to use as our own and kept it locked.) I decided to do this after I had bought myself some ice cream, wrote my name on the top, and put it in the main freezer. I go to have some ice cream later that week, I open the tub for the first time (as in I removed the seal holding the lid onto the tub) to find that someone eaten half the tub of ice cream while making it seem like it hadn’t been opened. I know it happened at home bc the spoon marks were clear as day and I have to walk 20 minutes back from the grocery store. That woulda melted by then (Also I would’ve noticed at the store that. The tub was hella lopsided??? And way too light???) So yea of course I’m ticked now, I spent 6 bucks on that bro like just ask or get ur own??? So I put it the other freezer, and for a while it’s fine. Next month I decide to treat myself to some frozen waffles and some chicken strips and come home to find that the hinges holding the locks onto the doors of the fridge were torn out of the fridge/freezer doors. Like. The screws were pried outta this metal door rendering the locks completely useless (to the point i wouldn’t even be able to put the hinges back on.) And the cherry on top?? My ice cream was gone!!! Hope u enjoyed it, asshole. So whatever. Fine. I put my food away and. a week later?? Im like “Man i could go for some waffles rn”. I bought 2 8 packs. One chocolate chip, one cinnamon (y’all i literally buy the cheapest ones Zehrs sells. 2,19$ a box y’all. not even eggos). Surprise surprise!! The entire box of choccy chip ones GONE. Mind u, i wrote my name on all of these boxes, as well as a very large “DO NOT EAT”. so i begrudgingly had a couple (note that, 2) cinnamon waffles and move on. A couple days later I go to have some more and. The waffles are completely gone. Out of a total of 16 waffles, ya boy got a solid 2. (It’s worth noting that there was a single waffle left, but at 0,27$ a waffle, I didn’t mind leaving the box on the table with a note basically reading “these are cheap af, buy ur own bitch”.) (I didn’t swear that much tho)

I’d add the bike to the list but i can’t confirm nor deny that one of my roommates stole my tires and seat off my bike (although M does work on bikes all the time so man idk.)

Next up: wow people here are l o u d. I’m talking slamming doors all the time, slamming things around, yelling, playing music wildly loud. It’s awful. Like. You can just. Close the door quietly? Stop slamming things around please? It’s awful because loud sudden noises make me panic and lemme tell ya, wakin up at eight am bc your a-hole roommate decided to slam the door eight times bc the front door is broken because someone took the border around the jamb off instead of fixing it so we can actually?? lock that door?? because it doesnt quite fit in the jamb and so the only wat to lock it was the chain lock and. someone took that too so thats fun :)))))). The side door isn’t that much better. We have a code lock and. No One Ever Locks It. Like. I’ll come outta room and?? It’s just open????? Close the door???????????

The worst, however, is the fucking fighting. The Couple love to argue all the time. and yell at each other and slam the doors or smashing shit and they yell pretty awful things to each other. Like. I’ve heard M call his gf some awful shit. It’s worse when they have people over too. The other day there were like. 14 cops in here bc of them at like 2 am. Cue me, 2 am, trying to watch a livestream and seeing like??? Six cop cars pull up????? Wh a t????? Not fun not good for my brain.

God and. What is with everyone and the r slur??? Like what?? there are so many words you can choose stop using that word. Like okay the other night someone?? took the dc adapter for the wireless modem and one of the dudes downstairs as well as the couple were looking to see if they had a compatible dc adapter and so i just decided to wait?? and i just spaced out a bit okay whatever i was lookin at the wall like i do and fuckin. the couple had a couple friends over and one of em was chillin between the kitchen and the hall and M yells out from his room “Hey don’t you feel weird with this creepy ass bitch standing next to you? Like what is she, m*ntally r*tarded?” like wow okay dude i’m literally not doing anything. Luckily his friends reaction was basically “?? She lives here?? She can stand there if she wants??” (wow referring to myself as she feels weird and wrong).

A big problem I have is I feel like theres a community in this house that I just don’t fit into? Part of it is I’m like. the only person here who doesn’t do drugs of any kind?? Like I have nothing against ppl who use drugs like whatever bro, but it feels super othering to me when i can’t relate to anyone here because of it. That and. Getting T in particular but really just anyone but A to respect me asking that if you’re going to smoke anything to do it outside because weed and to a lesser extent cigarette smoke trigger my sensory disorder and causes me pain and causes sensory overload and I still find myself asking people to smoke outside.Like I’ve never been unreasonable and said “no drugs in the house” or some bs. I’m just asking u to respect my disability thanks.And like?? I’ll get into this in a second but there were needles in the toilet?? Bro throw them out properly.

And now: Hell.

Can no one clean up after themselves?? Do your dishes. If theres food left on your plate, throw it out first, don’t dump it in the sink. Seriously the kitchen sink is fucked. The kitchen is gross. The microwave ugh ugh ugh no thanks. No one can clean everything. This is why all my cookware and dishes are in my room. That way I can make sure I 1) Still Own It and 2) Its clean and usable. I clean them as I go and just use my own shit.

Nothing compares to the bathrooms, though. It seems like every other day one of the toilets are clogged. Last week there were spoons in the sink?? Like at least 10 spoons. In the bathroom sink. The floor is dirty because no one owns a mop and?? there was one in the kitchen?? I haven’t seen it in like a month. And the worst of all. Okay, it’s really bad when every one up here is between like. 16 and 19 I think? And I had to put up a sign in the bathroom asking people to flush when you’re done??? And I still have to flush before I can use the washroom???? And it feels like every week or so. The toilet’s clogged. Oh! I forgot to mention that the water closet doesn’t even have a doorknob anymore. Someone took it. But wait, it gets worse. Seriously if extremely unsanitary things bother u, stop reading now.

Twice in the past month I’ve had to contact the landlord because the toilets were beyond clogged. The first time was bad but oh lord nothing compares to the second time (aka last week). The first time was your pretty standard toilet clogs and backs up and its very gross. I contacted the landlord and it was fixed the next day and it was fine. For. Two Days. Im serious. See. People here have a real issue it seems of “The person before me didn’t flush so neither will I”, leading to a toilet bowl full of like. a half a roll of toilet paper and waste. F u n. What that led to was the toilet clogging, people not doing anything about it, and continuing to use it. Eventually the toilet bowl was full, so trow a shopping bag over the lid to mark the toilet as “Out of order” and move on to the other one.Both toilets were completely unusable. I emailed the landlord and i don’t know if either they or one of the people living here contacted them, but the old landlord and old property manager were here the other day to clean them out and fix them?? and yea among all the standard waste you’d expect in a toilet, there were needles? Like buddy theres a trash can right there? I know u had the needle caps bc they were in there too. just... disgusting...

bro this is just what i can think of off the top of my head i know theres more but oh no this is so long now. just. this is a lot more detail than u wanted but i wanted to get this out of my brain??

#shrimp answers #shrimp rambles #food ment tw #fighting ment #fighting tw #drug ment tw #drug ment #smoking tw #needle mention #unsanitary #unsanitary tw #r slur #r slur tw #man all it really takes is a peek at these tags and u already get a decent idea #i hate it here but moving causes me too much stress #esp rn hoooooooo boy #i wanna weather this out until i can afford to have my own place entirely on my own #i don't like having roommates they make me very anxious and if i hear them talking about someone #i instantly feel like its me like theyre talking shit about me they hate me they hate me #aaaahhhhhh

[angclhyunjin]

of light and verse | jaebum

desc: you literally end up falling for the boy who sits at the back of your uber hard lit class. college!jaebum litmajor!jaebum. all the fluff. just super fluffy

word count: 1.913

requested by: @jaebums-sunshine​ [Jaebum college au/domestic au fluff!]

note: i wrote this at lit 4am but ummm my love as a lit major was too cute to pass up

oh my god ok COLLEGE JAEBUM

setting my heart on fire at the thought of my lit nerd headcanon for him

lets get into it!

so its freshman year and ur walking into your first lit class, a bit intimidated bc its like,, a course no first year dared to touch but u just wanted a cool sounding course so bad u jumped at the opportunity

its GREEK MYTHOLOGY!! who wud not hello

and ur excited until the professor opens her mouth

and ur blown away by how,,,,,,, interesting and riveting the whole thing is but shit is it going to be this hard throughout??

the first few classes involves you frantically taking notes and trying to keep up w the impossible pace this class is going

but theres this BOY

he sits right at the end while ur in front so u could pass him off as uninterested,,, taking the course for extra creds??? wrong

this BOY quips in between the lecture with the most fascinating comments, connecting the odyssey to so many modern works, to poetry and to music

and ur like,,, who made u,,,, how r u like this

ur kind of annoyed by how smart this boy is

its not like you dont get wtf is happening here, but how can he get it and SO MUCH MORE

and tbh ur kind of jealous but u didnt hear that from me. also he has the softest voice that creeps up behind u and makes ur body stir

wait what

so u work super hard

and like super hard, u finish all ur readings and do ur own research

but u still feel like its not enough

like idk who u think u are, u start living at the library

cup of tea in hand and a book in the other, it sounds optimal but the stress is lowkey making you lose ur mind

ur looking for a book in the aisles, a VERY specific one on sappho’s fragmented poems

and FINALLY u see it............on the top most shelf

ur 5′4″ self is SCREAMING

and u could ask for help but help is for losers

so u make the very intelligent decision to climb the shelves what?? no ones looking

ur almost there when

a hand

reaches at the same time as urs

u almost scream for real this time, shutting ur eyes real tight, letting go of ur meager hold on the shelf and falling back

like u have accepted ur death at this point

until???? wait??? you feel two hands around you and suddenly you’re not falling

“my god, are you okay??” how tf do i know this voice

you open your eyes to be met with the softest brown eyes, framed by these wire glasses

oh

its him

of c o u r s e

u literally dont know what to say until he laughs a little at you (an adorable, light noise that fills you up)

“this is probably not one of your greatest moments” ur cheeks are on FIRE

suddenly he notices his arms are still around u and he hastily places u on ur useless jelly feet

“were you going for the book on sappho? i didn’t know anyone else here knew it existed”

you’re about to stammer out a reply, not really ready to explain to the lit prodigy that ur trying to be at least half as insightful as him but he

squints at u

“wait, aren’t you in my lit class?? you are, aren’t you?”

he REMEMBERS ur invisible ass??? ok??? what doesnt this boy notice?????

u finally find your tongue, stammering out a “y-yeah, i was planning out my paper and needed a second reference”

wow is he lowkey impressed he stares at u for a bit

ur now hyperaware of ur messy bun and glasses, the old t shirt you’d tucked into mom jeans feeling so inadequate in front of him in his stylishly messed up hair n button up,,, how could someone be this pretty at 4pm on a sunday

“honestly, me too. but its okay, you can have this” 

he barely needs to reach up to get this book and ur like, looking at his shoulders as he faces away from u for a split second and man is he built

“are you sure???” you let out in an almost whisper “don’t you need this?”

“nah its okay i read it over the summer already” o yes of course

“i’m jaebum by the way” he smiles at you and ur stomach JUMPs

“i’m y/n” you try, and then blurt out “and also really sorry for this i’m like,, dumb as hell-”

“its no issue, y/n” his voice is HONEY as it says your name and you can feel urself turning redder

“i’ll see you in class then” hes gone as quickly as he arrived and ur still in shock because what the fuck

did that really happen or did u doze off after a caffeine crash again???

so the next day in class u walk in, heading towards your seat when  ur eye catches jaebum’s

and he gives u the BIGGEST SMILE

WHAT AN ANGEL

ur blushing furiously and manage a quick smile back

and thru/o ur so distracted bc u swear u feel his eyes on the back of ur neck but ur also too scared to look bc WOW WHY IS THIS BEAUTIFUL BOY STARING AT ME

so at the end of the class ur throwing all ur books into ur mess of a backpack when u hear a voice 

“so did you end up finishing the book”

its god jaebum, beanie hiding his tousled hair and trademark glasses on his nose

“no i still have some stuff to cover but its fine!! you can have it u want-”

“no, no i was going to suggest we do the paper together?”

is this ,,,, really happening

“i mean, sure” WHY ARE U AGREEING WHY DO U WANT TO DIE

“okay great! i’ll meet you in the library at 4?”

“okay see you then!!” u squeak out and dash

wtf was that

this man did not need ur help, he is a lit GOD

but ur there at 4, a little thankful for the heads up bc u managed to put some semblance of makeup on urself

and he walks in and ur heart is on fire again bc hes so pretty and he’s also so excited to do lit, lit makes this boy

u slowly ease into conversations w him, sappho being taken over by more personal deets

ok first of all, this boy has 5 cats

5

he shows u pictures of all of them, names and all, like a mom showing off her children

ur heart is so so full of this endearing boy

you keep meeting thru the rest of the week

on tuesday, he asks you ur favorite color

on wednesday, he convinces u to tell him ur favorite memory

on thursday, you tell him how vanilla ice cream is everything to you but u cant stand strawberry

on friday, he asks u for ur number

on saturday, he randomly texts you 6 pictures of his cat sitting on two legs

on saturday, you realize u have fallen for the boy at the back of ur lit class

u dont know what to do

this boy is so so dumb at heart but can also recite all of shakespeare’s sonnets by heart

like hes the cutest idiot u have ever seen

and ur falling super hard for him

ur friendship goes strong for a while

gradually u blush less frequently and get comfortable w him, going over to his place at times

the first time u go (for lit probably) he opens the door and ur greeted w the smell of disaster

like really it smells super bad

and hes frantic and panicky bc “i didn’t know how hard cooking was the tomato sauce is all burnt what did i do”

poor perfect boi is bad at cooking???

even surrounded w smoke and in a dirty apron he looks ADORABLE

and ur laughing and taking the saucepan off the stove for him, throwing his failure out and suggesting u just get some chinese

and he agrees w a sigh and ur like ur so dumb

and no ur definitely not trying to think abt how he wanted to cook for u

when u call him over u make spaghetti

red sauce

“wow so ur really out here triggering me like this”

“is it my fault ur an idiot sandwich”

“w o w”

he probably pouted and u probably made fun of it tho ur heart was crying 

so it goes on like this for a while

and ur always wondering ‘does this boy even like me like that’ bc he out here giving u so many signals but never making the move

like ur ass is never sure if he’s into u or just being nice

bc lets face it - im jaebum is the definition of nice

and its honestly getting kind of annoying

like pls tell me if u like me my heart cant take it much longer

u guys are at his, doing ur readings

you glance to the side and see jaebum reading intently, eyes flying over the words, relaxed and so sweet, a ray of light from the window falling on him and making his eyes radiate a dark brown

you dont even notice how long you’ve been staring until u hear his voice

“hello what r u doing”

fuck

“nothing! just,,,, you looked really pretty with the light falling on ur face. no i mean, look!! like, you’re pretty”

OK

WHAT

did u JUST 

SAY THAT

"not that that means you’re not pretty at other times!! i mean,,, you’re pretty all the time and its honestly really crazy” WHY ARE U STILL TALKING

hes just.... staring at u in wonder

and ur lik e wow this is it, this is when the ground acc swallows me up and i die

when his face breaks into this beautiful smile

“you think i’m pretty?”

his voice is so soft and pure

u r, on the other hand, about to collapse from embarrassment

and just nod and its like the day in the library all over

and he’s still smiling when he says “y/n, i think you’re the most beautiful person i’ve ever seen”

your stomach SWOOPS

IS THIS REAL LIFE

“i’ve wanted to say that for the longest time” he breathes and you notice just how close he is

“thats just,, i mean wow i didn’t know...” u manage to say

he leans in a little closer and his hands r burning a hole resting on ur thighs

the light is very brilliant as his head dips lower, breath on ur lips until he fills the gap between you

and im jaebum is kissing you

you barely remember to respond, but when you do, he leaves light kisses on ur lower lip, hand coming up to cup ur cheek 

ur entire body is on fire as he draws you closer, your hands going into his hair and feeling for the first time how soft it was 

wow u had really dreamed about this huh

he draws back a little bit, face incredibly close to yours and asks u “is this okay?”

,,,,,,,boi

“more than okay, this is perfect” you press him closer and all else is forgotten

send in requests!

#got7 #got7 imagine #got7 imagines #got7 bullet au #got7 fluff #got7 scenario #im jaebum #jaebeom #jaebum #im jaebeom #jaebum fluff #jaebum scenario #kpop imagine #kpop fluff #request

[softkimnamjoon]

my notes when i watched the fake love mv

(this is so long oh my god i really tried to cut as many notes as possible but idk everything just seemed important

also some of these are supeerrrrrr obvious please bear with me)

flower in a jar/cage thing

the curtains in jins room are pink and the room is white

on the floor of the room in a fallen lamp (theres a reason i wrote this down aosdfju)

jin closes the curtain and the shot switches so we can see jk’s face disappearing into blackness as if a curtain was being drawn over him (wow karri poetic writing and totally not obvious from a cinematic perspective)

Side Note: there are 7 sets of curtains and they were all closed except the one jin closed in the beginning.. which is now closed (presumably)

taekook dance which featured a move which looked like tae was helping jk up by lifting him with his body

jin standing in the middle of the white room when the walls smash in. he covers the flower jar with his body (to protect it)

the debris isnt... debris. its lots and lots of ripped paper and you can see theres text on them but you cant read it

the scene changes to namjoon standing in a warehouse looking place that reminds me of where he was in the reflection short film

he’s standing in front of a mirror

a quick front shot of namjoon with his arm over his eyes. im mentioning this bc it has a weird pink distortion over it that reminds me of bs&t. (also pink is the colour of jins curtains and that feels important for some reason)

shot of jk fading through a keyhole, probably just a reference to him getting a key from the magic shop in teaser 1

hobi is in a room with lots of childrens toys particularly small carousels and carousel horses. it seems likely to me that this is because in the love yourself highlight vid his mum left him at a fair in front of a carousel.

he hits the very likely to be locked door with something and i cant tell what it is??? a small metal rod of some sort

Side Note: hobi being in a locked room and wanting to get out is also a focus theme in the mama short film

hobi and jk do a lil dance together in the chorey and they both do an action to each other thats strongly associated with telling someone off

a snickers bar falls through a hole in hobis door (this shot was actually really fast i had to go back and pause quite a few times to get it)

jimins standing in a dance practice room like in the ly highlight vid (you can tell by the mirror and ballet bar in the corner of the shot)

hes also standing next to a sink.. which is weird.. in my experience theres never been a sink in any of my dance practice rooms

jungkook is in complete darkness but hes kneeling over a fucking glowing book and reading it i guess (??? bts explain)

the shot switches between jin standing up from protecting the flower jar and jk standing up from reading the glowing book

the flower jar doesnt have a flower anymore but its got some sand in it now. jin walks away from the sand jar (leaving the room entirely im pretty sure)

scene moves to jk running towards a slightly ajar door with a light emitting from it (which is a concept we’ve also come to know from the awake short film)

jk runs through the door and right into the wall of a hallway. he immediately starts running left

theres a shot of tae standing in a strange room with what looks like phones and empty picture frames hanging from the walls

he’s also holding a phone and looking at the screen. the shot moves very close to his face and his eyes widen at whatever he sees on the phone

jk is running through the corridor as the floor falls behind him (to me it feels like a metaphor.. like hes running away from something inevitable)

taes phone turns to sand and falls through his fingers

jk is standing at the end of the corridor and in front of what i thought was a painting but is in fact a very very dirty mirror

Side Note: jk’s shirt says “blank mirror” on it. there sure is a lot of shit going on with mirrors in this story line

(ok this is getting ridiculous im putting a read more, pease keep reading tho ajsfhwhr)

the shot pans down from jks mirror shot through the floor to tae standing in that strange room

behind tae in the middle of the arch is “save me” and upside down it reads “im fine”

all the phones on the walls light up and flicker

it goes back to namjoon who is standing in front of the mirror. he raises his arm as if hes going to touch it

shot switches to jk whos doing the same thing to the mirror at the end of the corridor

back to namjoon again and this time its at an angle that we can see his reflection. his reflection is different to him. his reflections hair is slicked back and is wearing a cheetah style jacket (similar or the same as the one jimin was wearing in the dance room shot)

theres also a red/white badge on his reflections jacket but its too small to see if anythings on it

nj walks toward the mirror and the shot moves through the wall

on the other side of the wall yoongi is sitting at a piano

theres a broken lamp on the ground again like in jins room

yoongi throws a guitar (im pretty sure its a guitar correct me if im wrong) at the piano which mirrors the scene in the run mv where he throws a chair at a mirror

hobi is still in the locked room with the toys but now hes lying on a huge pile of snickers

theres a very quick shot of jk in the corridor from the mirrors perspective

jk looks through the cracks of the boarded up hole under the mirror and sees yoongis room with yoongi sitting in an armchair looking at the piano

yoongi turns behind him to see flames appear then disappear from behind the boarded up windows (this part isnt from jk’s perspective) he then looks at the fireplace

jimin turns off the tap in the dance room sink

jk walks towards a man-made/artificial waterfall which has 3 sections

theres a pile of sand and the flower-turned-sand jar on the ground

jk kneels to pick up two handfuls of sand

the shot moves to show the shadow of jks hands on the wall. we see the sand falling through his fingers but also something that looks like petals (but is actually pieces of ripped pages) flying out of his hands. (this part reminds me strongly of the just one day mv)

jk stands up and watches the paper pieces flying away

a tunnel starts to pull out from the waterfall towards jk

jimin stands in the middle of the dance room as water pours from 3 vents high up and to the left and right of his head (1 on left 2 on right) ((i think this is definitely connected to jimin turning off the tap but idk how/why))

the fireplace in yoongis room suddenly bursts into flames engulfing the piano (among other things)

hobi curls in on himself in the same way jin does in the i need u mv and the awake short film

yoongi smirks at the flames in front of him (this seems important since jimin kept a neutral expression the whole time)

jk starts walking towards the tunnel in the waterfall

Side Note: this isn’t really imporant but jin looks so good in this mv i love him

tae is walking around staring at the flickering phones on the wall. i cant read his expression it seems to range between fear/wonder/awe/curiosity

he suddenly focuses on something on one side of the room (here we go boys this connects to the ‘tae is the hooded figure’ theory)

shot goes to jk starting to open a pair of doors (which are assumed to be in the tunnel)

goes back to tae but this time hes looking at the ‘save me’ sign in the arch

in the chorey tae and jimin walk around each other then past one another while holding each others arms.

Side Note: jimin turns his head to look back at tae but tae just looks at the floor in front of him

jk walks through the doors into jins white room. 

jin isn’t there anymore. all the curtains are closed. theres still paper on the floor from the explosion. there are 6 coat racks (there could be 5 but im pretty sure theres 6) in the middle of the room (from singularity)

jk walks over to the coat racks and you can see over his shoulder a figure wearing a dark cloak/hood. (there are pictures of tae wearing this cloak with the hood down and BOY)

in the chorey jin and jk stand facing each other with the other members in a circle around them. both jin and jk have their hands raised as if theyre reaching for something

the other members run forwards very close around jin and jk and freeze around them with heads lowered

at the very last second jk drops his head and his hand and leaves jin reaching up alone.

OKAY FINALLY THATS IT. 

thanks for reading all the way through please let me know if anythings wrong or if you have anything else to add!

#fake love #bts #bts theory #fake love theory #ahhh this is a LOT #im sorry kwjhrfjdwahfr #my theorys #this isnt a theory its more a list of observations other people can use for their theories

[askthetotallynotsquad]

The richjake thing continued cause my phone is being dumb:

Dustin: aww Jake look your little boyfriend has come to save you

Rich: don't fucking tetht me bitch *>:(*

Dustin: *>:(* what'd you just call me?

Rich: oh are you that dumb that I have to thpell it out for you? B-I-T-C-H, Bitch, it'th that eathy

Dustin: wanna know what else is easy? *punches Richard mitochondria goranski really hard* that is

Rich: *falls back bc ow*

Jake: *t aller than Dustin bc Jake is the tallest boy* you're a thot *pokes both of dustins eyes*

Dustin: ouchie

Rich: *Bleeding*

Jake: *p unches Dustin in the mouth???* haha you're a ho

Dustin: *bleeds a bit wow* ouchers

Rich: *bleeddsssss*

Jake: *k ickk* go away dumbass *>:(*

Dustin: *goes away dumbass*

Rich: *passes out from blood loss wow* *also bleeds more*

Jake: *:0* OMG RICHARD *picks up rochurd*

Rich: *bleeds also passed out wow*

Jake: *calls the health people*

Doctor doctor: I'm on my way bud *hangs up*

-1 second later-

Doctor doctor: *arrives*

Jake: *crying :(((* it’s my faulttttt

Rich: *Bleeding still bc uh Dustin punched him really hard and so he broke some of richs bones I think idk Dustin is just strong*

Doctor doctor: bud I gotta go run some tests...

Jake: w-whyyyyy? *soBBING*

Jenna: *records this bc she's Jenna*

Doctor doctor: it looks like freaking hulk hit him.... look bud I don't know if.... uh...

Rich: *wakes up a tiny itty bit* jakeeee...?

Doctor doctor: ....

Jake: oh my god- *so bs and kneels next to rochurd* are you okay? does it hurt? I'm sorry- *g entle hug*

Rich: oW..

Jake: NONONONONO I’M SO SORRY *jumps back and SOBS*

Rich: Jake it'th fine... I'm okay... pleathe don't cry....

Jake: n-nooooo... doctor doctor is he okay?? *SOB*

Jenna: *continues filming this scene* teehee

Doctor doctor: w-we don't know but... theres a big chance... he wont...uh...

Rich: *eyes widen* o-oh....

Jake: wH-wHAT? *vOicECRack* nOOOOOOOO *sOBSOBSOBSOBSOB*

Rich: *lifts up his shirt but almost cries bc it hurts to move* o-oh my god.. *has like a literal fucking hole in his chest like jesus Christ Dustin is strong*

Jake: I’M SO SORRYYYY *sh aking bc he's crying so much* (I guess you could call it jaken shaken)

Rich: Jake it'th fine it'th fucking duthtinth fault-

Jenna: *posts her video on epic youtube*

Jake: *hIccUP* I-I-I- *COUGH* I’m sorry- I-I-I-

Rich: *heart stops beating for a good 3 seconds* -gASPS AIR- hhHh.. hhh..

Doctor doctor: it's um... time to close...

Jake: *continues sobbing* d-do- do- I have to l-leave?

Doctor doctor: ...yeah..

Jake: w-why??

Doctor Doctor: vistor hours are over... I mean I can ask if you can stay...? *calls up people and asks* mhm... mhm..... y-yeah.... thanks... *hangs up* they said Okay so.. *grabs Jenna's arm and leaves the hospital with her*

Jake: richhhh- *SOBSOBSOBSOBSOBSOBSOBSOBSOBSOB*

Rich: Jake- Jake if I die....

Jake: n-NO- you-you-you won’t- you won't die- *:(((((*

Rich: but Jake there is a chance I will..... and you gotta promithe to thtay thtrong for me... okay??

Jake: but-but-but- *sOBSOBSOBSOBSOBSOB*

Rich: *starts crying* Jake pleathe! I don't wanna- I can't- that- if bathically kill you- if you- I dont- pleathe..... *sits up but almost cries more bc it hurtss*

Jake: nonononoono- don’t-don’t sit up- you-you- *sOBSOOBSOBSOB*

Rich: j-Jake promithe me! Pleathe I can't have y-you die too...

Heart thing that I forget what it's called: BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP (beats faster)

Dan: (a HEART MONITOR?)

Jake: *pulls his hood up and hides in it :((((*

Ali: (shush)

Rich: *cries more* i-im thorry...

Jake: *cries quietly in his hood :(*

Rich: *lays back down and winces while doing it bc it hurts wow* *also cries*

Jake: *cries*

Rich: jake-?

Jake: ....

Rich: ... I love you..

Heart monitor: BEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-

Jake: *sCREAMS*

Rich: *dead*

Jake: *SCREAMS*

Later: *:(*

Jake: JENNAAAA- *sobbs*

Jenna: what-

Jake: *collapses onto the couch* rICH DIED *sOBS AUWHDUIAHWDUAWHDIUAWHD*

Rich's ghost: .... *:(*

Jenna: cooollll *couldn't care less*

Jake: *sOBS* jENNA YOU’RE NOT HELPING *AUDHAWJHDNdnKJANdsjn  sCREAMS*

Rich's ghost: *hugs Jake?*

Jenna: *awkward pat* its- okay?

Jake: *iNHALE* iT’S NOT OKAYYY *cOUGH COUGH SOB*

Rich's ghost: *:((* *hugs Jake tighter eeee*

Jenna: *runs to her room and locks the door bc she doesn't wanna help*

Jake: I just wanna dieeee- *fall onto the floor :(

Rich's ghost: *starts sobbing ghost tears and thinks with his ghost thoughts: nonononononononononononono-*

Jake: jENNA IF I DIE POST IT ON YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA *hides in his hood :(*

Jenna: *yElla from her room* I WILL!

Rich's ghost: *paces around the room* nononononononono-

Jake: jENNA DO YOU HAVE DUSTIN’S NUMBER

Jenna: YEAH IT'S -blah blah blah dustins number- CAN YOU LEAVE ME ALONE NOW????

Jake: YEAH OKAY SORRY *calls up Dustin*

Dustin: what do you wanttttt *>:(*

Jake: I hope you’re happy *>>:((*

Dustin: *cool dude chuckle* what?

Jake: you killed my boyfriend asshole

Dustin: boyfriend? Who? Wait... Rich? I'm so sorry... *genuinely sorry*

Jake: uh I don’t give a sHIT-! do you know how that makes me feel? I’m actually gOING to kILL MYSELF DIPSHIT

Dustin: i- uh- *hangs up*

Rich's ghost: *pacing faster now* FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKNONOFUCKK- *sobs*

Later: hi it’s the next day now

Jake: *goes to school lol xd haha*

Rich's ghost: *flies next to jake*

Chloe: *walks up to jake* heyy.. I saw Jenna's account... you okay??

Jake: leave me alone *:( pushes past Chloe :((*

Chloe: jakee... please.... *runs back up to him* you have to get beyond this!! You'll find someone else!!

Jake: yeah? well what if I dont WANT to? huh? what about MY feelings? *>:(*

Chloe: ....ill- I'll just leave you alone... *:(*

Jake: good. *>:(((* *:(*

Later: lunch eeee

Rich's ghost: ....

Jake: *>:( hides in his h ood*

Dustin: *walks over to Jake and sits next to him* Jake I'm... im really sorry.... I didn't mean to..... please dont... don't kill yourself......

Jake: why would you care? leave me the hell alone *>:(*

Dustin: ... *walks off*

Rich's ghost: aH Ha! *posses someone*

Someone: AkkkEJNDOANOXHXOJoajsiKKEODJSOSJ *has a heart attack and dies*

Rich's ghost: uh- that didn't work- um- sorry someone

Someone's ghost: hUMPH *>:(* flies away

Jake: *cries :(*

Rich's ghost: *ghost hug*

Jake: im just going to stop living *:(* *walks to the bathroom*

Rich's ghost: no Jake please!! Jake l-listen!! pLEASE D-DONT! *starts sobbing a lot*

Jake: *ignores the ghost ;0* *gets the death thing*

Rich's ghost: jake....... *cries*

Jake: *inhale* I'm sorry- *deaths*

Rich's ghost: *keeps crying*

[justmysicklypride]

1-99

Jessie I swear to fuck 1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?Closed2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?Duh it's free stuff of course3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?Out4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?Not yet5: Do you like to use post-it notes?Yes6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?No I always use them 7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?A swarm of bees bc I read somewhere that if you encounter a bear you're definitely done for8: Do you have freckles?No9: Do you always smile for pictures?If it's not a selfie then yes10: What is your biggest pet peeve?When people compliment me (okay this doesn't really count but still) 11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk?Uh no?12: Have you ever peed in the woods?Nope13: What about pooped in the woods?No14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?I probably have at some point but I don't remember15: Do you chew your pens and pencils?Yes but not always16: How many people have you slept with this week?None bc I hate other people17: What size is your bed?It's just a single regular bed?? Idk18: What is your Song of the week?The Reckless And The Brave by All Time Low bc it's the first one to pop into my head (idek if that's the song name but whatever)19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink?If it looks good on him I mean sure why not idc it's really about making it look good rather than the colour tbh20: Do you still watch cartoons?Of course21: Whats your least favorite movie?Snow White tbh I'm sorry 22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?I'm not telling you jeez what if I actually had hidden treasure and you end up finding it (for real though idk the bottom of the ocean?? Or someplace cool) 23: If you're a girl, bra size? If you're a guy, pants size?Wow this is probably gonna be embarrassing but B75, tbh idek what this even means like I just read off the tag thing24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in?I don't like condiments soz 25: What is your favorite food?Cake26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love?Idk I don't really like watching things for a second time27: Last person you kissed/kissed you?No one bc I don't like people28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout?Yes29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?No30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?Year 9 bc we had to do a thing where we wrote a letter to ourselves and it would be given back to us three years later (I left the school so idk if I'm gonna get mine back tbh lmao) and we had the option of writing to our other friends as well so yh I wrote two other ones for my two closest friends back then, and some other ones for these basic af cunts who asked me to write for them so it looked like they had a lot of friends 31: Can you change the oil on a car?Yeah32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket?I can't drive33: Ever ran out of gas?Don't have a car34: Favorite kind of sandwich?I will eat any kind tbh I'm not picky35: Best thing to eat for breakfast?Cereal36: What is your usual bedtime?11-12pm37: Are you lazy?10000000% yes definitely this literally makes up more than half of my traits38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?There were quite a few including a demon, a witch, an angel etc. 39: What is your Chinese astrological sign?Dragon 40: Are you horny?No41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions?No bc I'm broke42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs?Wtf is this legos definitely43: Are you stubborn?I can be a bit stubborn but I don't like to think that I am44: Who is better...Leno or Letterman?Ffs uhh Letterman.....?? I don't want to start anything lmao45: Ever watch soap operas?Sometimes when I'm bored as a kid and still watched Tv but not anymore46: Are you afraid of heights?No47: Do you sing in the car?Yes48: Do you sing in the shower?Yes49: Do you dance in the car?I mean I have but I don't do it often50: Ever used a gun?Nope51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?My graduation last year52: Do you think musicals are cheesy?Yes but that's the whole concept of it like it's meant to be cheesy53: Is Christmas stressful?Aren't all days stressful?54: Ever eat a pierogi?The fuck is that? *just googled it* if it's just a dumpling then yes but if it's a completely different thing then no55: Favorite type of fruit pie?Apple bc it's classic 56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?There were so many ffs: when I was a kid I wanted to be a singer in a band but I wanted to play guitar when I sang as well, then I wanted to be an artist, followed by a scientist, then a professional athlete, a fashion designer at one point, an architect, game developer, game tester, forensic scientist, software engineer, and right now I'm in university/college (or I will be next month) studying pathology and engineering sciences and will eventually become a doctor 57: Do you believe in ghosts?Yes58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?Yep59: Take a vitamin daily?Only when I'm sick 60: Wear slippers?Yes61: Wear a bath robe?Not frequently 62: What do you wear to bed?Pyjamas duh63: First concert?Never been to a concert and never will bc I don't like going to concerts64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?Wal-Mart isn't a thing here in Australia so Kmart bc it's cheaper65: Nike or Adidas?Nike66: Cheetos Or Fritos?Never had either67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?Peanuts68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?Sounds familiar but that's probably bc those words actually mean something in Spanish (was it Spanish idk) so don't think so69: Ever take dance lessons?I've taken ballet, jazz, contemporary (idek if that's what it's called), and hip hop lessons in the past70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?Hopefully nothing illegal71: Can you curl your tongue?Yes72: Ever won a spelling bee?I've never been in one bc either there wasn't one or I thought it was for nerds so I didn't participate73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy?No74: Own any record albums?Nop75: Own a record player?Don't think so76: Regularly burn incense?No77: Ever been in love?I don't believe it exists so no78: Who would you like to see in concert?I don't even go to concerts but idk My Chemical Romance probably bc obvious reasons79: What was the last concert you saw?I don't go to concerts80: Hot tea or cold tea?Hot81: Tea or coffee?Coffee82: Sugar or snickerdoodles?What the fuck is a snickerdoodle I've never heard of/had that before so sugar83: Can you swim well?I mean if you throw me into the ocean I won't drown to death and can swim to safety84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?Yes85: Are you patient?Fuck no86: DJ or band, at a wedding?Band87: Ever won a contest?By won, you mean first place, so no. But I have gotten multiple awards Edit: never mind I have, when I was in year 9, I was in the school's string orchestra and we won first place representing the school in this music thing for group performances 88: Ever have plastic surgery?In the past? No. In the future? Ehhhh idk89: Which are better black or green olives?Olives can go die in a hole90: Can you knit or crochet?I forgot how to91: Best room for a fireplace?Living room duh92: Do you want to get married?Idk I mean it's the normal thing to do, and I'm a sucker for doing shit everyone else does but like I don't want to be tied down?? I want a free life ffs I don't want to have to constantly think how everything I do affects the other person and stuff fml I hate adulthood93: If married, how long have you been married?I'm not married94: Who was your HS crush?Some dickhead I was friends with95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?No96: Do you have kids?No (thank god for that)97: Do you want kids?Yes but they're so high maintenance fml98: Whats your favorite color?Green99: Do you miss anyone right now?Nop

[sanfranciscoyoginigypsy]

june 4th 2017 1:03 am

Saturday i saw roger waters with kevin. a spiritual experience indeed it was. My world was changed, and i was closer to myself and the spiritual world. that day i did a focus on meditating and yoga and chakras. i focused on my root chakra and did yoga on it with a youtube tutorial, and before that i practiced meditating with my chakras. such a great idea. on our way to the show, i was thinking about the edible i got from colorado i should've taken, but I'm glad i didnt. i had such an intune experience with myself with the whole thing. literally pink floyd is my favorite and roger waters is my favorite. and he played wish you were here and i almost cried. i almost cried at almost everything. it was so beautiful it was beyond words. and for dogs we snuck closer with brandon moscheo and my energy was set loose. i was dancing and screaming and exploding. i was so close and couldn't believe any of it. dogs is one of my favorite and just everything i was so grateful for. in my yoga my intention was for gratitude. the instructor asked what do i wish to become a warrior of, and i said gratitude. and it happened. the night is undescribabl,e but it changed and opened up a lot for me. thought a lot and felt a lot of my brother .. kevin is so fun. we made so many jokes and it was so nice being with him. i slept over his place in kyle and it was so great. we listened to rage against the machine and painted and listened to pink floyd all night. we watch dark side of the moon mixed with wizard of oz and it was so loud. i went to his moms room to sleep and i could hear it playing from his room. it was so nice. then in the morning we had breakfast tacos and went to a sun flower field and took pics and i brought some sunflower roots that were tall to grow back home but by the time i got home they were dead): but we went to this vintage shop and it was fun. in general i was more intone with everything and enjoyed it and kevin is such a fun great guy. he made me laugh so much and we said so much jokes and it was never awkward, i slept over and it was so fun and great. then i was going home but deiced to go to book people in austin downtown since I'm already driving towards there to read some books. so i detoured to whole foods to park my car and read a chakra book in whole foods for like 2 hours. it was so inspirational and eye opening, i need to get it from amazon its such a good read. it opened me to think how i should not ignore my throat chakra, and express myself more. which I've been doing so good at. and focus on whats bothering me. i deiced i was going to lay it onion that i dont want to hold him back from anything, just have closer and clearance that we are not a thing, bc i love myself and respect myself more. and i went to book people and read about old souls which was so fucking trippy i need to read more about it then i was stuck bc there was yoga for free at whole foods but i wanted to go home but i ended up staying for it and met with alit. which was another trip for me. she was so drama and everything, talking about and focused more on other peoples lives than herself.i see where her struggles are and how they grow. i was reading her. but we had dinner together and thats were i saw her weaknesses. she wanted to leave but couldtn, and was still stuck on pat. i eventually saw something in her that rang a bell for me and was a lesson but i cant remember. then went to dillions for another party, but when i walked in i decided to ignore sam for my own comfort, bc he ignored me the hole day and last night and it was weird. i felt very good not focused on his energy bc it is so strong around me. its like screaming at me, our connection, our wavelength. and went straight to brendon and told him about my roger waters spiritual trip and everything and it was so good. i was so happy and content and glad to better. then i played rock band with a few people and sam was in the same room but it was awkward tension bc his energy was so strong i couldn't quiet ignore the whole thing but i was still content, until 20 min later he came up to me and was giving me so much attention. messing with me making laugh pushing me and eventually putting me in a headlock like he always does and there we go wrestling again for the like 5th time. i loved it.but at first was uncomfortable and was wanting him to just go away, he even mentioned wow you're very good at ignoringmeand its completely a good trait. so there i go already with his energy totally overpowering everything else in that moment and room and just everything. everywhere i went and did i was like sam sam sam sam i was just obsessed allover again. when i talked to someone i thought about him and just everything. it ruined it. and brennon was talking to me and said sweet stuff like he appreciates me and loves me and would never hurt me and that the best to feel someone on an emotional level is music. and i was touched by the fact that he said hewouldnt hurt me, bc i felt like sam hurt me. hours go by and m having fun but agains ams energy is so overpowering and i finally come to terms that it creates blockage for me to not express how i feel and ignore my emotions and make myself uncomfortable fro someone else comfort. this was all thought about after i said i was leaving, but it was so hard to leavevei was just sitting in my car bc i was so sad and heartbroken over him.  he didnt even do anything. eventually dillion comes out as I'm just emotionaly begging someone to come see me and we talk and i tell him whats bothering me. then we sit outside bc i said i want to see the stars and sam and brennon and everyone comes out to say bye and sam runs to me and pushes me on the grass and starts wrestling me again and eventually said u wanna talk lets talk and i said i do want to talk and we went back and fourth about it for a hot minute bc he was confused if i was serious and i.e. eventually told him. i said this thing with me ignoring how i feel for someone else comfort is creating a blockage fro my soul, so i mu  I'm just gonna say it, i really like you. it didnt sound that well organized, it was messy, but intentionally thats what i meant. he was tounge tied, not really going anywhere but making sense. basically just pointing out situations where he didnt mean to hurt me, saying if i said this at a certain time he would've dropped everything for me, saying that it was hard to read bc he couldn't tell if i loved him or hated him (which was what i wanted bc i heard ppl say that he thinks i already liked him before i told him) and it was just a little like not going anywhere. i can tell he wanted the conversations o end, suggesting a shorter way to get back, rushing to get back, and when we got back he basically was like yup lets go like theres nothing else here and just trying so hard to get out of it. i told him I'm not expecting anything out of it, i just needed to say it. and boy i felt so great doing it. and today i told jon everything. how i dont want to be heartbroken anymore or anything and just finally had closure, it was hard and he was pulling cards that would've worked on me from the past, like saying  he's gonna block me and to have a good life, but i wa sos professional and understanding, anti wasn't working, i was letting him do all this, rather than beg him back.