#Eggbert Griffith

[my-whumpy-little-heart]

And Emphasis On Scent

Crackcember: Day 3 (Alt Prompt: Effervescent) 

This chapter is far longer than I meant it to be, and I’ve got a feeling the next one will be too. Cheers to crackwhump owning all of my braincells!

Content warnings: manhandling, noncon (nonsexual) touch, light head injury

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Previous

“Cool, okay,” Hilbert sighed to himself, “I’ll get out soon enough. Right.”

He eyed the duffel bag with disdain. There was no use in trying to pack anything when he wasn’t planning on going anywhere but back home. This would be a much better opportunity to escape, as long as he could get off the duct tape holding his ankles together.

Hilbert sat back, trying to find the end of the tape with numbed fingers to peel it off. Dennis apparently had no regard for his circulation, considering the lost dexterity in his fingers and now the light tingling on his feet, and he was more than ready to be free of his bonds. 

It didn’t take him long to realize this may be a more difficult task than he anticipated, though. The layers of tape around his ankles were thick and wide, twisting above and below them over and over. With the edges tucked away and the whole thing being far too thick to tear through, packing the duffel bag with whatever he could find was looking like a better and better option.

Hilbert let out a sigh as he gave in and grabbed it, glancing inside to check that the can of beans was indeed the only item inside. Other than that… he glanced beside him at the abandoned ping pong paddles sitting near a ball that must have fallen off the shelf after them, figured it couldn’t hurt--figuratively, at least--and threw them in his bag. 

A neon blur caught the corner of his eye when he looked over and sitting next to him, right where it had been abandoned only a day or two prior, was the little worm toy from Dennis. Eggbert, he’d named it. Hilbert berated himself as he stowed it in the bag, debating what purpose it could possibly serve, but it was better something than nothing. Maybe showing some appreciation for the toy would appease his captor. 

He slumped back against the pillar, squinting to see the rest of the room, but it didn’t help much at all. Perhaps there was something on the pool table that he couldn’t see from his vantage point, but it wasn’t worth the effort of attempting to stand with his bound legs and teetering on over to check. There was definitely something he’d forgotten, but Dennis chose that moment to come thundering back down the stairs and it was too late. 

He zipped the duffel bag, threw it over Hilbert’s shoulder, bound his hands in the same fashion again, picked him up bridal style--much to his displeasure--and they were off. Dennis was being uncharacteristically quiet for once as he carried Hilbert up the stairs and out the door, setting him down on the floor once they were back on level ground so he could see the hulking vehicle before them. 

“There she is!” Dennis clapped him on the back, right over the sensitive welts. Hilbert hissed in pain, waddling awkwardly to face him and protect his injuries as best as possible.

A firm hand on his chin wrenched his head back forward, pointing at what must have been the RV. Hilbert nodded absently, unable to make out more than the general shape of the vehicle without his glasses. Dennis seemed to notice and sighed dramatically, whipping Hilbert’s head back over to him so he could slide the rectangular frames back on his face, none too gently, and turned him to look right back where he had before.

The RV was… well, it was certainly a vehicle. There wasn’t much nice to say beyond that. What must have once been bright red paint was chipped and faded, a dirty maroon stripped down to brown the lower it went. The front of the thing was dented all over and the windshield looked to be permanently encrusted with dirt and grime. 

Hilbert really wasn’t looking forward to seeing the interior. 

“Pretty neat, huh? She’s ready to roll and take us wherever I please,” Dennis nodded, seemingly quite proud of himself considering all he did was shell out some cash.

“I don’t suppose that includes my apartment?” 

“Course not!” He grinned, grabbing Hilbert’s elbow and dragging him forward. The largely empty bag fell against his shin with every movement. “You’re never gonna want your apartment back once you see what this baby has in store.”

“Worth a try,” he muttered, fighting the losing battle to stay on his feet. At least Dennis had the slightest bit of foresight and brought a ramp to drag him gracelessly up into the RV. 

The first thing he saw when they entered was a sitting area furnished with torn cushions right across from a shoddy kitchenette. Hilbert grimaced at some dark stains around the sink that looked suspiciously like mold. Dim yellow lighting cast a sickly glow over the whole space. 

“Stop gawking, this isn’t even the best part!” Dennis pulled him past the main area back to a hallway with a door on either side and a room in the back. “I think that’s an ironing board or something,” he said, waving to the door on the left. 

“Or something? Do you even know what all you bought?” Hilbert asked and Dennis stopped dead in his tracks, righting his captive before he fell to the floor.

“Fine, let’s see,” he said, shoving Hilbert in front of the door and opening it without warning. The ironing board inside swung out and down before he could comprehend what was happening, hitting him square in the forehead. “And there’s your answer,” Dennis nodded, pulling Hilbert along without a second glance. He grimaced, massaging the sore spot on his head as well as he could with his hands bound and wondering whose bright idea it was to make the ironing board block off the hallway.

The next room he stumbled into had a luxurious queen sized bed with a flowery comforter: the only part of the miserable vehicle that seemed presentable so far. 

“This is the bedroom!” Dennis practically glowed with excitement. “Mmm… effervescent~!” 

Hilbert would have questioned whether Dennis even knew what that word meant, but he realized he wasn’t particularly sure himself. If anything was right there, though, it was the ‘scent’ part. The whole room had a metallic sort of stench, like a coin, that made him wrinkle his nose. A real effervescent cent scent.

What was more concerning, though, was the fact that this seemed to be the only bedroom, which meant...

“I’m not sharing a fucking bed with you,” Hilbert spat out.

“What?” Dennis fixed him with an incredulous look, barking out a laugh. “No duh. You’re not allowed anywhere near my bed. We’ve got a shared restroom over there,” he said, pointing to a separate room at the end of the hallway, “but your room is right over here.”

He led them back to the door across from the ironing board and pulled it open in a grand, sweeping motion. Hilbert wasn’t sure what he was expecting but he shouldn’t have been surprised to see a small, musty broom closet in front of him. 

“But,” Dennis took the duffel bag from him and threw it into the small space, shut the door, and put the ironing board back up as they stepped past, “since I’m nice, you won’t have to stay in there too often as long as you’re cooperative. Right now, you and I are gonna spend some quality time together.”

Next

#whump #crackwhump #crackcember #effervescent #manhandling #noncon touching #head injury #not anything bad though. tame hours around here #hooray for roadtrip hours! #Dennis Mennis #Hilbert Griffith #Eggbert Griffith #eggbert is back! he's ready for this epic roadtrip #the only one not hyped enough here is hilbert #sadboi time #yo okay i just had an epiphany for the next chapter turn up lads i figured out how to fix the issue i'm having #epic simple solutions that should have been obvious from the beginning #okay anyhowww #shoutout to the super cool post scheduling feature around here #y'all are seeing this post right now at four p m eastern time #but i don't even have my phone out because i'm at a bowling match and am not allowed to have my phone #it's a technology miracle #kinda disappointed because i lowkey stole the title joke from the chapter but listen effervescent made it hard to get something decent #okay that's enough tags i gotta get stuff done while i still can

[my-whumpy-little-heart]

A Wormthwhile Experience

Crackcember: Day 1

This is the beginning of a new series based in crackwhump: whump stemming from unusual, often silly, concepts. If you’re looking for a sincere, serious story this may not be for you, but I say don’t knock it ‘till you try it!

HUGE props to @brutal-nemesis for being the resident crackwhump extraordinaire and enabler, and for hosting Crackcember: the immaculate prompt list this story will be using! I most likely won’t be participating in every day of the challenge, but I’ll do as much as I can.

Content warnings: creepy/intimate whumper, noncon (nonsexual) touch, choking/strangulation

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“Are you getting lonely, Hilbert?” Dennis inclined his head

“Why should you care?”

“I just figured ever since our trip got delayed… well, the basement isn’t all that exciting is it?” He spread his arms, gesturing to the small room around them. Dennis wasn’t wrong, per se. The cold tiled floor currently freezing Hilbert’s legs only held a pool table and the rest of the room was vacant save for a few ping pong paddles, shards of what appeared to be broken glass, and a box tv somehow mounted on the wall.

“Your frequent visits certainly spice things up,” Hilbert deadpanned.

“Aww, I’m glad-”

“But if you’re implying you’re gonna kidnap me a friend then you better let me pick them out myself. I’m not dealing with a shitty roommate on top of all this,” he said, looking up from where he was restrained, hands fastened around a pole behind him with tape, judging by the sticky feeling every time he shifted.

“Ooh, you’re just full of good ideas aren’t you? Buuut not yet. For now~” Dennis sing-songed, turning around to grab the bin he’d lugged down the stairs just minutes earlier, “I brought some substitutes!”

Hilbert squinted at him, trying to figure out if his captor was really serious about this. Just what the hell was in that bin that could substitute human contact? Why were there air holes poked in the top?!

“Alright,” Dennis’s voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper, “you’re gonna have to be really quiet once I take this lid off, okay? My friends don’t like a lot of noise. They might get aggressive.”

“Woah, hold on a second, what’s in the box then? I thought you- I- what are your, ah-” Hilbert went to raise his hands and make air quotes but they caught against the pole.”...your, quote, friends?” No sooner had the words left his mouth than Dennis slapped him across the face.

“Don’t be rude!” he chastised, “Not what, but who, Hilbert.”

“...for the love of all things good, please don’t tell me you’ve actually got a living creature in that box.”

Dennis was already unfastening the lid before Hilbert could get an answer, and it came to him instead in the blinding rainbow of colors that sprang up when the lid’s pressure released them. A mountainous mass of mismatched colors stood before him, some spilling over the side of the bin to the floor. It took a second for him to process what he was even staring at, and it didn’t make sense even once he had.

There had to be hundreds of miniature creatures, each one long and thin, made with fluffy fabric that tapered to a point at each end. A variety of different sizes made up the pile, ranging from the length of a finger to the size of his forearm. Two beady eyes made up the face of every noodle, completed with what looked to be a length of transparent string hanging off the end.

“Dennis, what-”

“Shhhh…” Dennis leaned over the mound and pressed a finger to Hilbert’s lips. It followed him when he recoiled back against the pole. “One of these,” he started, softly, meeting his captives eyes, “is not my friend.”

Hilbert furrowed his brows, staying silent if only to keep from getting hit again.

“One of them is your friend. They will know you and seek you out, but we must watch carefully to see their signal.” He retracted his finger, only to dig both hands into the bin and mix the noodle-like items around. Watching them flop all over each other was almost mesmerizing, and it would have been pleasant had they not been spilling over the side, falling all over Hilbert’s lap.

“Would your friends mind giving me a bit of personal space?” he hissed.

Dennis hummed, ignoring the comment in favor of running nimble fingers over the mess he’d made. At one point, Hilbert almost thought he saw one of the little noodles wiggle on its own, but the flash of a string attached showed that it was just Dennis’s doing.

“Look!” he gasped under his breath.

“You’re making the thing move. There’s a string on it and you’re making it move.”

Without skipping a beat, Dennis skimmed one hand back down the pile of noodles until he found a particularly large one with a string much longer than any other so far. He kept a hand on the small one in front of Hilbert, a neon green noodle, making it curl around his fingers and rise off the ground as he stood and moved behind him. 

Dennis draped the larger creature on Hilbert’s neck, earning a flinch from the other man, and before he realized what was happening the long, thin string was wound a few times around his neck, tied with the other end to create a complete loop, and suspended on a hook protruding from the pole. 

Hilbert straightened up to avoid the sudden choking pressure. He gasped for breath, shooting a glare up at Dennis who only smiled and pushed Hilbert’s head forward, forcing the thin cord to tighten and cut off his breath. Thin, wheezing gasps accompanied the small worm’s next movements.

“This one definitely likes you,” Dennis whispered with a giggle that ghosted over his captive’s ear. “I think they’re ready to tell you their name.”

He crept the noodle closer to Hilbert’s face, to his obvious dismay, dragging the soft fabric up under his glasses and through his hair, finally stopping when it curled around his ear.

“Can you hear them?” 

“The noodle toy is not going to talk to-” Hilbert started, cut off by a choking sound as Dennis pushed him.

“They are a worm, and they are not a toy. Can you hear them?” He punctuated his words with shoves against Hilbert’s head, leaving him fighting for even the smallest breath. He nodded frantically, mouthing words that couldn’t make it out through his constricted windpipe.

“Good,” Dennis let up. “Now tell me what their name is.” 

“Uh- they- they said-” Hilbert gasped between words, trying to control his breathing enough to speak steadily. “They s-said… Dennis Junior?”

“Hmm, that doesn’t seem right at all. I don’t remember having any friends named after me. You must’ve misheard…” He pulled the worm over to himself, holding it up to his ear before nodding with a smile. “They said it’s Eggbert. That makes much more sense, and it also explains just why they chose you.”

Dennis let go of Hilbert’s head and sat back down in front of him, seemingly content. He led Eggbert to lay on his new friend’s shoulder and gave him a few pats on the head.

“I think you and Eggbert are going to be very happy together.”

Next

#whump #crackwhump #crackcember #worm on a string #creepy whumper #intimate whumper #noncon touching #choking #strangulation #Dennis Mennis #Hilbert Griffith #this was extraordinarily fun to write #sorry to be starting more things when i've gotten literally nothing done over the past month sdljkfsld #this got me writing a lot so i was like alrighty. following that inspiration then. #other things will happen. i just don't know exactly when. #ooh wait #Eggbert Griffith #can't forget the most important character #they get hilbert's last name because i say so #eggbert shall return

[my-whumpy-little-heart]

More Like Cost-No!

Crackcember: Day 4

Epic driving times with the boys because they simply would not shut up this chapter!

Content warnings: light head injury, reckless driving and crash mention, pet whump mention/implication (just used as a joke though)

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Previous

Hilbert’s ankles banged against a couple of stairs as they stepped up to the front of the RV, settling into the passenger seat with one final shove. 

Dennis fastened his own seatbelt and didn’t bother to help Hilbert. He focused instead on slipping the key into the ignition, finally starting the vehicle on the third twist, and pulling out of the driveway. 

“Dennis, I don’t have my seatbelt yet, hold on-!” Hilbert protested and Dennis stepped on the gas, sending them flying down the street. 

“We’re wasting daylight! No sense in waiting,” he shrugged, skidding around a left turn and flinging Hilbert into the door. 

“Yes, but the speed limit sign says twenty-five miles per hour,” he grumbled, sitting back up with a wince, “and you’re- you’re going-” he cut himself off, jaw going slack. “Where the hell is your speedometer?!”

“What’s that?” Dennis asked innocently, throwing them into another too-tight left turn. The thunk of Hilbert’s head against the window and subsequent groan of pain was incredibly satisfying. 

“You- agh!- you can’t seriously tell me you don’t know what that is.”

“I can tell you anything I like.”

“I don’t have to believe it,” Hilbert grumbled, eyes scanning back over the dashboard.

“I could always make you if you’re gonna be like that,” Dennis rolled his eyes.

“You literally can’t! I- there’s duct tape on the dash. You actually covered the speedometer with duct tape. What is it with you and duct tape?!”

“Handy dandy tool, solves all your problems!” The madman embodied an infomercial, rosy cheeked smile and all.

“Knowing how fast you’re driving is not a fucking problem!”

“Excuse you, taking your eyes off the road is a major health risk. Distractions cause accidents, and that pointer going up and down definitely qualifies as such, so I solved the problem! Didn’t you pay any attention in Driver’s Ed?”

“You’re the one who should be answering that question,” Hilbert scoffed, sinking back into his seat. Dennis obviously wasn’t in the mood to give a reasonable answer anyway, so he switched topics. “Where are we going anyway?” 

“Shopping, obviously. Food, drink, entertainment… we’ve gotta stock up for our big trip!”

“And… after that?” He reminded himself he’d be out of there long before that would even matter, but his curiosity was too strong to resist asking anyway.

“Wherever the road takes us,” Dennis answered simply, making one final abrupt left turn up a steep incline into a shopping center. He whirled into a parking spot and slammed on the brakes. The sudden stop nearly sent Hilbert headfirst through the windshield, but his whiteknuckled grip on the seat saved him.

Dizzily, he glanced at all their surroundings and realized he’d been here many times before. It was quite the odd choice for a food shopping trip though, considering the only thing that could be considered a grocery store was… completely out of the question. 

“Uhh, Dennis, where are we even going?” “I told you. Wherever the wind-”

“No, dipshit, here. Where are we gonna pick up those snacks you promised? Are you planning on grabbing something tasty from Petco?”

“Suddenly got a hankering for some kibble, Hilbert?” Dennis burst into laughter, “Or, ooh, you got a collar in mind? If that’s where you wanna take this I’m all for experimentation!”

“No,” Hilbert felt faint at the mere suggestion.

“That’s what I thought. Nah, we’re going to the superior -co store.”

“...Taco bell?”

“Costco!!” Dennis threw his hands in the air, and Hilbert flinched just hearing the name. He felt his breathing pick up and his hands start to tremble.

“You can’t- you can’t be serious,” he stammered, wide eyes looking for any sign that his captor was lying, playing this as a joke before they drove somewhere else.

“Oh come on, you can’t seriously tell me you’ve got something against Costco. Everybody loves Costco,” Dennis insisted.

“I- sure, but I don’t even have a Costco membership! I won’t be able to get in there!” Dennis wordlessly flashed his own membership card. “Okay, well, I’m… I just can’t go,” Hilbert sighed, curling in on himself.

“Awful try. Let’s get you out of there now.” Dennis flicked out a pocket knife and sawed through the duct tape around his ankles. He ripped it off, muffling the resulting shout with a quick hand over Hilbert’s mouth, then trailed the knife up his leg, careful not to nick the bare skin, and started on the tape around his wrists. 

“What if I try to run away, huh?” Hilbert blurted out. “You won’t be able to stop me in a public store like that. So- so you shouldn’t take me in. Just leave me out here. Then I won’t- I can’t ruin your shopping experience.”

“Mmh, you seem awful desperate to avoid this. Surely you wouldn’t happen to be a member of some other bulk store…?” 

Hilbert couldn’t cover his guilty reaction quickly enough. The moment he saw Dennis’s face light up, he knew he’d lost the battle.

“Fine. I’m... a Sam’s Club member.” He cringed, waiting for the reaction. The grating laughter wasn’t a surprise, but it still hurt.

“Pfff, that’s the silliest thing you’ve said yet! Your name isn’t even Sam!”

“That has literally no bearing on this. I am a loyal member of a store I trust so I-”

“Shut it with that hogwash. We’re going to have a lovely time shopping at Costco,” Dennis smiled, leaning over the seat and pressing his knife against Hilbert’s neck in an obvious threat, “and you don’t have a choice in the matter.”

Next

#whump #crackwhump #crackcember #head injury #I don't have a Costco membership??! #reckless driving #car crash mention #dennis let hilbert wear a seatbelt someday challenge #nobody should ever have to be in a vehicle with dennis #Dennis Mennis #Hilbert Griffith #eggbert is still safe and sound in the bag #i think i tagged everything important #today is the first day i went past my 4pm deadline. hoorayyy lol #brain out here being fried #so is body. staying home from bowling because things are really still funky with my physical form #hmm okay do i have anything else left to say.... #next chapter is actual costco hours #for the record: i'm a sam's club person #oh and i'll bring back the tag that i left on the crackcember list a month or two ago that eventually grew into this part of the story: #whumpee: oh shit. no wait. we can't go here. please! whumper! i'm a sam's club person!! please no! #ta-daaaa hilbert says no costco. not like dennis really cares #tomorrow: shenanigans #oh btw this is largely unedited because i hecking Tired so forgive any obvious mistakes