#Especially tho in the last couple weeks when idk what I've been writing about and feel like the quality is on a slippery slope

[wannaeatramyeon]

its always so funny to me when you write a masterpiece and when people ask you about it your like "hAh? mE?"🧍‍♀️ like yes you're an amazing author 😭💕

bb come here and let me smoosh your cheeks. Thank you for being so sweet 🥲

For the sheer volume I write, I personally don't like that much of it (but I'm trying to get better so please bear with 🙇🏻‍♀️)

I always think in hindsight wtf have I been writing about, especially when I feel like I've a) missed the point of the ask or b) what I really truly wanted to convey and c) it's super humbling when I read much better fics in this fandom, in other fandoms, and just feel like my god. I wish I could do that.

But I do get whiplash all the damn time, every day tbh, that people are reading my shit (and witnessing my braincells dying in real time).

Honestly I can't express how grateful I am. Because notes and all that validation stuff aside, the fact that anyone spends their own precious time to read my stuff is really... Ughhhhh. Just... thank you.

#i always feel it's obnoxious of myself to reply to these sort of messages in public #but the need to tell anons that I really REALLY appreciate this so - thank you - wins out #(and I always like it when people respond to my own asks or whatever heh) #Especially tho in the last couple weeks when idk what I've been writing about and feel like the quality is on a slippery slope #i'll get my flow back. IT'LL HAPPEN. I'm manifesting it! #sigh. truly thanks anon for such a sweet message #ramen asks

[thatonetimetraveller]

15 questions for 15 followers

@tathrin thank you for the tag! 💜

Are you named after someone?

No, but I know someone who has the same name as me with a minor spelling difference and has a sister who has the exactly the same name as my sister

2. When was the last time you cried?

Uhh yesterday I am not a crier per say but this past week has been rough

3. Do you have kids?

Nope and never will. I am perfectly happy with my future role as an aunt(gender neutral)

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Yes and no? It's really hard for me to undersand sarcasm when others use it so I don't know if the way I do it qualifes

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Their hair? honestly I don't usually percive others lol I am usually lost in my own world

6. What's your eye colour?

Brown

7. Scary movies or good endings?

I don't particuraly like scary stuff but I can get behind a good tragedy I do generally prefer happy endings tho

8. Any special talents?

I am a jack of all trades srsly if I am intrested to learn a hobby I will

9. Where were you born?

Szeged, Hungary

10. What are your hobbies?

oh boy (do you want those that I have supplies for and do every day or those that I dabbled in?) in no particular order

knitting, crochet, cross stitch (dabbled with traditional embroidery not patient enough for it), writing, painting, art in general, bookbinding, chess, sewing (acquired a sewing machine a couple of weeks ago and I really want to get into cosplay) video games, reading

11. Do you have any pets?

yep I have a catto named Spotty she was lying on me all afternoon, and didn't let me read kept swiping at my phone. She is a diva like proper drama queen especially when she thinks she can extort us for food

12. What sports do you play/have played?

I've been known to suck at most sports but if I have to choose tennis has been my favorite to play

13. How tall are you?

5"6

14. Favorite subject in school?

Physics, Maths and chemistry I was the science nerd lol

15. Dream job?

idk

No pressure tags:

@scary-grace , @out-there-tmblr , @foreverchangingfandomsao3 , @mothnem , @tattycoram , @z-h-i-e , @xx-vergil-xx , @itstwointhemorningwhyamiawake , @delicioushologramperson , @brain-empty-just-vibes

#ask game #me #talkies

[dcviated]

Rules, tag 10 followers  you want to get to know better!

Tagged by: @sansloii (thanks mang)​ Tagging: steal it!

Name: bear, will

Star Sign: aquarius? idk I feel like these all changed at some point but whatever

Height: 6'-2" im tol

Middle name: Brady, after my grandma

Put your itunes/spotify/youtube on shuffle. What are the first 6 songs that popped up?

children of the city - mili

napisten hava - dalriada

call my name - the unlikely candidates

drivin' me bananas - brian tyler

eyes on the king - benn

chances - backstreet boys

Ever had a poem or song written about you: no, but, there was that time way back in mid/high school when I went to summer camp and the one girl who had a one sided crush on me got upset when I ditched the dance, so she sang a breakup song for the talent show!

When was the last time you played air guitar: the better question is when is the last time I picked up my bass and ahahhah... ha... my hobbies are crippled (I sing a lot, though- dont really do air guitar)

Who is your celebrity crush?: n/a, I dont follow that kind of thing

What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?: a sound I hate is grinding metal, especially when its coupled with the image of grating it across your teeth or something like aghaghssdlgh no thanks. a sound I love though? windchimes, gentle breezes ahhh

Do you believe in ghosts?: no lmao

How about aliens: seems more likely to be real than it is NOT given probability and how fuckhueg this universe is. if, we're considering any kind of outside life as 'aliens'... do I think some have been here? seems insanely improbable given the ramifications of contact

Do you drive?: soooooo much. a lot less now with my current work but my old job had me driving hundreds of miles a week so I'd say I'm pretty versed in it.

if so have you ever crashed: I've had some... really close calls on really bad stuff happening, but no. Just a couple fender bumps.

What was the last book you read?: The Stranger, so I could learn more about Meursault. That was a trip.

Do you like the smell of gasoline: Yes. I am guilty of taking a larger breath than necessary in equipment sheds.

What was the last movie you saw?: The mario movie! Watched it again last night in a gc. The music choice really does kill a lot of the charm. And they had original music I dont...guh.

What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?:  Hmm... I've mostly avoided most physical catastrophes, but I've been subject to a couple nasty things. First was accidentally stabbing myself with a pocket knife while cutting a cardboard box. Fun! Then there was the time I was walking in a drained farm pond without proper footwear and a piece of glass sliced open the side of my ankle. Both very painful. Oh, and then a couple dog bites. x:

Do you have any obsessions right now?: Idk I feel like the only thing that really gets me hyped up lately is writing and getting in shape haha, wouldnt call either an obsession tho. I'm not a gym bro, just work out from home but the feeling of improvement has been intense as of late. Lots of positive vibes at my self-image. And yeah. Writing. Keeps me from doing most of my other attempted hobbies :V

#dash :: games ooc

[colour-outside-the-liness]

First of all!! Loved the MoU fic update! left you a comment on AO3 and all. 10/10 ratings haha.

Secondly, moving countries is great you should try if you ever get a chance. I've always wanted to do that and jumped in on the first opportunity I got to make that dream come true, and I recgozine how lucky I am to be able to do so. It's definitely not easy but I'd do it again if I could (in true sag fashion 😎 haha). Where would you want to live? You ever been outside the UK?

Hahaha you and I in a team would be a nightmare to play against I think. Oh come on you absolutely do not deserve people questioning your intelligence! I like to play dumb in addition to the taunting so people underestimate me, they never see it coming when I win. They never see the cheating coming either, my friends are always shocked when they find out, but I do it almost every single time! 😂 I'm competitive too but I like to play it cool especially If I lose I'll be like "it's just a game calm down yall" but if I win I'm like "in your face losers!" (very mature I know).

I love your drunken story, though does sound like it was very dangerous so I'm glad nothing bad happened to you two! Ah I love yalls nordern accent (me and everyone in this fandom 😂) haha your friend's sense of humor is golden.👌 I'm glad you enjoyed my worst drunken experience, that was the last time I did something like that, I felt bad bc my best friend had to take care of me the whole night and you're right she should've told me it was just a rock! Lucky you you didn't get a hangover the day after, I certainly regretted drinking too much that night however fun it might have been haha.

Like I said before your niece is a really cool kid haha I'm glad you have someone to talk to about Bly Manor, don't know anyone who watches the show and my friends don't like scary stuff so I have to talk to myself about it 😂 and now you! Thank you for entertaining me ;) and I only watch the parts I really like now, I'm tired of crying every time I watch the whole show haha.

Do you do random accents really badly like Dani too? 😂 it is kinda funny your mom said it like that yeah hahaha maybe she just meant the good bits? And I mean, do you think you need help? Lol

I have a sneak peek of that damie fanart here, don't think I'll ever finish it tho. I want to do a medieval AU inspired fanart. Maybe it will also inspire someone to pick up the idea and write it haha.

How's your weekend been so far? My neighbor is making me watch Grey's Anatomy season (???) 500 idk but I wish I was reading that pirate AU instead 😂

Awwh thank you so much!! I will get around to replying to the comment on AO3 tomorrow when I reply to the others I've had a very busy day today though so haven't even had chance to read any comments yet but thank you so much for giving it a 10/10!! I wanna do it as soon as I get chance but I know it's gonna be hard and that I am gonna need a bit more money behind me first but I definitely wanna do it when I can... yeah I've been out of the UK twice- one time I went to France for the weekend when I was doing my A Levels and was like 17 the college I was studying at took some of the art kids and since I was doing a photography A Level I got to go and then a couple of years ago I went to LA for a few weeks which was great but I've never been out of the UK for longer than that!! A nightmare for everyone else but it would be hilarious for us I just know it would haha... I sometimes do I have said some dumb things, I actually used one of my dumber moments as a funny little story in one of my fics- people still laugh at me now for what I said and it's been 10 years... my roommate will not let me live it down!! See surprising people that way is always brilliant like when people just expect you to lose and then you win? That's the best kind of win in my eyes!! I don't cheat at games I am just ridiculously competitive and can't stand losing unless it's something like a video game I am okay with losing those but board games I can't stand losing and I am also a terrible winner my roommate won't play games with me anymore!! I can't say anything about anyone being that kind of a winner because I know I am and one of my sister's is terrible too we literally make a song and dance over winning Oh it was so dangerous and we were so dumb to do it like anything could've happened and we both sit and look back at that and go "man we were dumb" but I also sit and go "oh my god she's gonna be a mum in like 4 months" because we've done some crazy / stupid stuff!! My roommate is without a doubt one of the funniest people I have ever met and she's not afraid to tell it how it is... I'll admit because I have a Northern accent Jamie is like the only character on Bly Manor to not have an accent to me so when I hear people talking about her accent I'm always a little like "what?" Because to me that's just how people talk around here haha I did enjoy your drunken story and honestly we've all been there I have had to be taken care of on more than one occasion for being too drunk like to the point of people having to help me into my pyjamas and everything I've been in some bad ways haha!! She should've definitely told you it was just a rock and not a turtle!! Yeah I've only had one hangover and that was after a night of drinking where I blacked out and don't remember any of the night!! Yeah the night of the drinking is always fun- the hangover isn't though and often makes you wonder if it was worth it haha She's so cool like genuinely just a cool and funny kid and she just asks all the questions about shows she's watched so with me its Bly Manor with her mum and dad it's Stranger Things she asked me about it once but I had to tell her I'd never watched it she didn't seem impressed but yeah I'll talk to her about Bly Manor any day of the week- and you too now honestly I will talk about it to anyone that will listen... I can't not watch it all if I watch it because there's just so much about it that I love even if it makes me cry... episodes 4,6, and 8 are my favourites though and are probably the ones I have watched the most!! Yeah I do random accents all the time and they're always terrible but I always find myself really funny- I had this friend at Uni that had a slight southern English accent because he had spent most of his childhood there before moving up north and he still said certain words in a southern accent and I used to do his accent all the time but it was always terrible!! Oh yeah my mum is pretty blunt with stuff like she'll say things sometimes without thinking about how it sounds that or she just doesn't care like she's said

somethings haha I am sure she did mean the Dani thing in a nice way though because she said she liked her- Dani and Owen were her favourites and I mean some help for me wouldn't be a terrible thing I'll admit haha That fan art is incredible!! Like seriously amazing!! I would love to see some medieval fan art for Damie!! I have been sent a few medieval prompts for Damie and I have started writing some of them but it's taking time to actually get full chapters together but once I have and once I have more time from wrapping up other WIPs I'll make a start on editing and uploading those because medieval stuff is always great!! It's been good thank so far today I went to a little beach town with my mum, 2 of my sisters their partners and two of my nieces (my cool niece was one of them… not that my other niece isn’t cool but you know what I mean) and me, my two brother in laws, and my nieces all played a game of crazy golf while my mum and sisters went to a cafe and had cups of tea... they didn't wanna play with us but we still had fun while we played (I came second which I was very happy with)!! I hope you enjoy Grey's Anatomy and that you get chance to read the pirate AU soon!! It's soo good!! ☺️

[by-zhi]

Birthday

Two weeks before my birthday my sis was sick. She had fever for several days but the lab result was just fine. Even until today she's on and off but we never really know why. I guess it's just the 2022 illness.

Then I, too, got sick. Similar symptoms with my sis and we both had PCR test which came back negative. It was the sickest I've been in two years. I couldn't even eat and keep vomiting what I ate. My lab result tho, was super bad nothing was normal except for my hemoglobin. Then I took the dengue test which showed I had it. Since my condition was so bad my parents took me to the hospital and I was hospitalized for a couple of nights. I soon felt better and was discharged.

I didn't get back to how I was, even today. I lost quite some weight (fyi I was already underweight before, I am now way more underweight) which I think cause me to feel tired and weak all the time. My hands were shaky everytime I try to lift them. The doctor encourage me to eat a lot, she even gave me supplements and vitamins to increase my appetite. Oh, my liver kinda got problem so I need to fix my eating habit. ALSO I haven't drunk coffee in like two weeks. My wrists and ankle feel crunchy (idk how to describe it, it hurts when I move and stretch them to some extent).

I was discharged a few days before my birthday. On my birthday I had to go see the doc and it took a whole freakin day. By the time I got home I was too exhausted to do anything. Also everyone got sick eventually. But, on the next day my friends sent me food (they're really sweet) tho I couldn't really eat them. They didn't know the problem with my liver that's why. But since they were generous enough to sent me those and I don't want them to go to waste so I ate some of them slowly (lol).

I also ordered a cake bcs I wanted it to still feel like a birthday whatsoever. I actually didn't care about the design but since I'm ordering I just picked the first thing came to mind; a carat cake (lol). Really appreciate the cake shop for taking my order last minute. I ordered at 9 pm on the 10th to have it on the 11th. It came pretty well.

I am now (trying to) eating a lot of food and by a lot it's in the frequency I didn't have before. I really need to get at least back to my previous weight and gain some more after that. I also need to finish my thesis, which I'm struggling to find the motivation to.

As I'm writing this I kinda feel not-so-good. Idk, everyone's sick and I'm trying to recover. It's been hard in this household, especially for mum who looks after literally everyone. I think it's a karma for me. I hope to recover soon and get back going.

#written by zhi #journaling #writing #blogging