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comfort-blankets · 7 years

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~Headcanons ~

AHHHHH. I CAN'T BELIEVE I WENT OVER THE CHARACTER LIMIT. Ugh. I SWEAR I read your rules, I promise! I don't know how I did that curse my brain at 4am. So um, I'm really really sorry about that! Would you mind doing the panic attack prompt as headcanons with McCree, Reaper and Junkrat then? I'm so sorry again I can't believe I did that flbllfagj orz

Weeeellllll they started out as headcanons and sort of turned into a short drabble? It got a little out of hand because of my style so bear with me heh. Also the last half of Reaper’s and the majority of Junkrat’s are a bit shaky. It’s not because I wrote them at 2 in the morning. I wanted to cast Reaper in a different light but I’m not sure I captured it very well. As for Junkrat, he’s just hard for me to write for some reason. Hopefully this is what you asked for! If the ask isn’t to your liking, contact us and I’ll revise it if needed!

Because this is a panic attack prompt, there is an over all sad theme. There is angst but it is resolved with fluff because I’m not a monster. Tread carefully, be safe, and most importantly enjoy! <3

McCree:

He was a broken man. Because he wasn’t entirely sure of himself, he poured some of his pieces into you for you to hold onto, should he fall apart completely. And of course, you returned the favor by giving him pieces of yourself. It made the two of you feel less empty. You two were by no means full of each other. That was never the case, nor was it how the two of you worked. You gave each other just enough to keep going. Just enough to remind each other that you had the other’s back.

It was at this point McCree realized you needed just a little bit more of him. He had been holding back as of late because he didn’t want you to worry about him. He felt he needed to figure some things out by himself. For him stepping back was hard, but he felt it needed to be done. McCree didn’t always want to rely on you. Didn’t always want to run to you. Didn’t want to deal with the pain if you decided to up and leave. He wouldn’t be able to handle it. And so he receded.

McCree soon realized how this would affect you.

He saw you sitting there crying and cursing the sky, cursing it for what was happening to you. You were panicking, thinking the worst of your current situation. Whether it was McCree leaving, or you thinking he never loved you in the first place, it didn’t matter. You sputtered curses and choked on your words. You cursed McCree. Cursed him for loving you, for turning away from you. You saw the signs of his retreat, and instead of asking him why he had gone, you took it upon yourself to retreat as well. You backed away from him, and soon it was too much.

You were hurting and all McCree could do was stand there. All he could do was stand there and watch you suffer, watch you tear yourself apart for something he had done. He knew it was his fault. And god knows he would try his damnedest to bring back his sweetheart.

“Darlin’ please…” His heart couldn’t take much more. He was wrong. He was so wrong. He thought dealing with things on his own would help. He didn’t know what to do now.

You both knew from the beginning. Knew that communication was key. Why did he forget that? He wanted to protect you, but he ended up hurting you.

You were beyond hurt.

“Please what.” Your tone was hard and your heart was following suite. Despite your shaking you turned to face him. To let him see exactly what was happening. Your hair was splayed wildly across your face, your eyes red and puffy. Tear-stained streaks cut across your cheeks. To put it lightly, you were a mess.

That’s when McCree broke. He fell to his knees in front of you, and despite your slight protests, he brought you into his arms. Willed you to calm down. To come back to him. He was so sorry. He didn’t mean to hurt you. He didn’t want to lose you.

You buried yourself into his body completely. His embrace brought on a new wave of tears which you both rode out. You could feel McCree sniffling into your messy hair, heard him whispering apologies, felt him give in to you.

Once you were both calm, you pulled back and looked at your cowboy. Through his now mussed up hair, tired eyes, and scruffy beard you could see him. You saw the man you loved, and would do anything for. You saw his remorse, his regret, and most importantly his undying love for you. And that was enough for you. Silently cursing yourself for getting the both of you worried, you slipped a hand onto his cheek. You smiled wide and laughed, much to McCree’s confusion. You were ok, and it was all thanks to him.

“Damn you, Jesse McCree.”

He laughed. A great big belly jiggling laugh that shook the both of you when he pulled you back into his arms.

“I love you too, darlin’”

Reaper:

The man was insufferable. There was hardly a time where the two of you weren’t fighting. Whether it be about little things like who did the dishes last, or larger things such as him departing for a mission without leaving so much as a note. Even then, it wasn’t all bad. There were times where Reaper would stop being an insufferable ass long enough to apologize and kiss the pain away. In those moments you were happy and content.

This time however, it was too much. Your nerves were overloaded. You had your job to worry about. Your relationship with him was crumbling, along with your resolve to keep working. More and more work was piled onto your desk, leaving you to hole up in your room most nights in order to finish it on time. Reaper didn’t mind it at first because he knew your job was important to you. But to say the man was patient was an understatement. When you brushed him off to do work he would make side comments, things like ‘if you love your work so much why don’t you marry it’ and other similar phrases. They were usually mild and he meant no ill will towards you. He was mainly frustrated at your boss for giving you more work than you could handle.

But soon, the work piled too high. You were jittery because of all the coffee and energy drinks you were consuming, and on top of that you were losing sleep. Reaper hated it. Many a time he had offered help, and when you politely refused, the conversation quickly turned argumentative. Sometimes it would end in the both of you slamming the doors to your respective rooms, too angry to spend the night in each other’s arms. You didn’t want to burden him with your work, and he didn’t want you overworking yourself. But, of course you would work until the early hours of the morning and lose even more sleep. Meanwhile Reaper would either go out to let off steam or he’d stay in his room to sulk, and wait for you to come out of your room.

But this time you didn’t.

You didn’t even get out of your room to go to work. Just called in sick and sat there in your room try not to think about the pile of paperwork sitting on your desk. You were stressed out to say the least. The fights with Reaper weren’t helping either. Hell, you couldn’t even remember how many times you had screamed his old name back at him like it was some curse.

Somehow you had found your way onto the bed. How you got there was a mystery to you, but as soon as you hit it the tears came. The shaking came, the worst of thoughts following each convulsing motion. You wondered if it would ever stop. The crying, the tears and the hopelessness, it was all tearing you apart.

You didn’t hear the door open. Didn’t hear Reaper walk in, shut the door and sit next to you. You didn’t feel the bed dip, but what you did feel was a cold hand on your head. A cold and heavy weight, but a reassuring one. Soon, the tears died down. Reaper sighed and prompted you to lift your head from the pillow. You had been holding onto it for so long, the only telltale sign of your crying being the amount of liquid on your pillow.

“How long?” you asked, your voice cracking.

Reaper turned your face to look at him, or rather his mask. “How long what?”

You flinched away at the sound of his voice. “How long have I…”

Reaper sighed, not liking the way you seemed to be facing away from him. He took off his mask and turned your face to his again, letting you see him. Really see him. Scars and all. “Too long. And before you go blaming yourself, it’s my fault. I should have done something… I should’ve insisted more on helping you. Instead... I was selfish, I blamed something I couldn’t control and look what’s happened.” He slammed a hand on the bed in frustration and ran a hand through his hair. “Look at me, making this about me when you’re the one in pain.” He laughed dryly and looked down. “I promise… I’ll-”

“You’ll what Reaper? You’ll help me? You’ll take this weight off my shoulders? Look, it’s not that I don’t want you to, it’s that I can’t let you. I don’t want to put that weight on your shoulders. I can’t.”

He gave up, defeated. He knew you would want to do your own work. You were always the headstrong, compassionate type. Always sacrificing yourself for others. That’s what made him fall for you. But it was also what made him worry about you. “How about a compromise?”

When it looked like you wouldn’t even consider his proposal he went on.

“When the work gets too stressful, take a break. Step back and unwind. If you want, I can help you out?” For him to be this vulnerable, this exposed, and for you was something you had never seen before. Where was this man two weeks ago? When you were smothered under a pile of work?

“Yes.” It came out before you even knew what you were thinking. “Yes. Please yes.” You didn’t want to fight anymore. In that moment, the fight left you. It wasn’t completely gone, it just sat on the backburner to be revisited later. You were tired of doing things on your own and refusing help. Maybe he was right, you had been overworking yourself after all. The shadow of a man gave a ‘hmmph’ of approval and gathered you into his arms.

“Thank you.”

You grabbed onto the front of his shirt and closed your eyes as your head rested on his chest. You were finally at peace.

“No, thank you.”

Junkrat:

‘“Oy! I’m home!” Junkrat had just come back from a mission. He had originally told you that it wouldn’t take more than two or three days, but it ended up lasting two weeks. The entire thing went sideways, communications went down, and in the end the team had to retreat and regroup before eventually calling it a loss. Junkrat wasn’t all to happy about the end result, but he was happy when he was finally able to go back home to his sweetheart.

But what about you? You were worried beyond belief. At first you tried to think rationally when the communications first cut out. Right before the comms went down, you had just been talking to Junkrat like you normally would. You kept in mind the communications went down all the time due to enemy interference. So, at the time you figured it was just some foul play, and that the comms would be back up in no time. You had set your communicator down and had gone off to do some cleaning around the house, knowing that your communicator would beep whenever Junkrat decided to contact you again.

He never did. Now you didn’t know he actually couldn’t due to whatever reason, but that still didn’t ease your mind. You obviously thought the worst. What if talon had gotten a hold of him? When was the last time you saw Mako? Was Mako even on the mission with him? Was there anyone there to help him out?

The thoughts kept spiraling out of control. The next few days you tried to keep yourself out of your thoughts by talking to the other agents on the base. You even tried going for long walks among other things. When you slowly started running out of things you panicked. You couldn’t stop thinking about Junkrat and what could’ve happened to him.

You locked yourself up in room and refused to come out, save for mandatory meetings and mealtime. When you did come out, the other agents could tell that the absence of Junkrat was starting to take a toll on you. They offered many helpful tips, none of which you accepted, not wholeheartedly anyway. You just wanted to be left alone to your vices. You didn’t want other people worried about you. The day he came back you were in your room once again, a fresh new thought coming to your mind.

What if he didn’t make it?

The thought clawed your heart, threatening your soul. It was a challenge. Would you let your heart get ripped out or would you fight it? You didn’t get much of an answer. You lay there crying thinking the mission went too far south. You would never get to see him again. Never get to watch his face light up at even the smallest mention of an explosion. Oh how you loved his smile, and his laugh, and his voice. In fact you could hear it now. It was calling for you. Replying to it was futile seeing as he was dead so you cried harder. “Stop doing this to me!”

Junkrat cursed under his breath and walked into the foyer. “Sweetheart? You ok?”

“This isn’t funny!” You screamed into your pillow and sobbed. You couldn’t see, you couldn’t breathe, and whoever was imitating his voice wasn’t helping. You just wanted him back. At this point you were convinced that he was dead.

The man practically ran into the room and when he saw the sight before him he almost wept. To see you so broken didn’t sit well with him. You were supposed to be his firework. The one thing he was still hopeful about, not some burnt out spark. A shell of what you used to be.

“Hey little firecracker, what’s got you upset?” Junkrat carefully reached out and tapped a hand to your ankle as not to scare you. With a sharp intake of breath, and an even sharper snap of your neck you faced him. “J-Jamison?”

Despite him being scared for you he flashed a smile and puffed out his chest. “The one and only! I uh, I’m sorry it took me so long to get to you th-”

He was cut off by you practically slamming your body against his and wrapping him up in a hug. “I don’t care. You’re here. You’re here.” You repeated the words like over and over while swaying back and forth.

Junkrat smiled and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“I’m here.” He wrapped his arms around you and the two of you stayed like that. It didn’t take long for you to fall asleep in his arms, and when you did Junkrat tucked you back into bed.

Before he left the room, he tucked a hair behind your ear and kissed your forehead. When you sighed contentedly and grabbed his hand, he couldn’t help but laugh and squeeze it before you let go.

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