#I should note that the ''IDing as demiro if you'd only go for a relationship with someone you know'' thing is like

[disasterdemi]

okay so, i know I'm asexual. but its my romantic orientation that confuses me. i can't imagine me ever being with a man (I'm a female) like i see that as a 1% chance ? stranger things have happened but it still seems so odd to me and like i wouldn't want that? girls I'm more comfortable around and can imagine when having a strong connection with someone (like being best friends for a long time before) being with them- holding hands and kissing & hugs. is this demiromantic? demihomoromantic? i feel like I'm not really looking to date anyone but if it happens it happens? yet i can't understand the concept of crushes. like i understand being in love with someone but i can't having a crush on someone? does this make any sense?

Hi! So, I’ll preface this by saying no one can decide your orientation except you, and you should go with any labels that make you feel comfortable. In saying that, though, I’ll certainly share my ideas on what might resonate with you :)

It definitely seems like you could be somewhere on the aro spectrum, as it can include people who are unsure about their romantic attraction or what romantic attraction even means. But to be honest it sounds to me from the last few sentences like you don’t actually experience romantic attraction at all, i.e. aromantic (this can also be an umbrella term for anyone on the aro spectrum).

I’ve found that “I can imagine” is generally an indicator of actions you’d enjoy/be comfortable with, rather than attraction. Attraction tends to have some element of subconsciousness to it. So on that note:

It also seems like you may be open to a relationship (romantic? queerplatonic? alterous?) with a woman? There’s nothing stopping an aromantic person being in a romantic (or other kind of) relationship if they want to be :) Some specific labels that encompass this include: amorous aro, cupioromantic, partnering aro, romo aro, uhhh since you’re ace as well there’s like oriented aroace (e.g. aroace lesbian). There are probably others I’m forgetting, but that’s a start.

Now technically, demiromantic means requiring a close emotional bond for romantic attraction to be possible. But I also think if you like and want to use the demiromantic label because maybe you’d only ever pursue a romantic relationship (despite not feeling attracted?) if you knew someone really well then that’s perfectly reasonable. Similarly, if you don’t want to close doors and/or think you may experience romantic attraction one day that’s another completely valid reason to ID as demiromantic or greyromantic.

(Though don’t forget it’s fine to change your labels if they don’t fit anymore, or to just have exceptions e.g. if someone IDs as aromantic but gets a crush, they may decide to switch to greyro – or they may call it an exception and stick with aro. I’m of the “use your present (and maybe your past experiences for info) to decide which label suits” camp, so things like “chance” and “if it happens” don’t have a lot of value to me, but a lot of people do want to take those feelings into account, so it’s up to you how heavily you weigh those things in how you describe yourself.)

Hopefully that’s given you some ideas and reassurance? Take your time thinking about it, there’s no rush to label yourself.

Also I just wanted to add that I personally think there are many more ways to be in love with someone than just romantically, so that part of your ask definitely makes sense to me <3

Oh and you can absolutely tack homo- or lesbian or sapphic (or anything else that fits) onto any of the labels I mentioned if you so desire :)

#I should note that the ''IDing as demiro if you'd only go for a relationship with someone you know'' thing is like #for aros regarding romantic relationships #and should NOT be confused with alloros who say ''isn’t that everyone'' re: demiromantic #like just to clarify my intent with that #anyway #ask #anon #questioning #labels #aspec #disasterdemi