#I swear i have actual meta posts coming soon i just have demons to exorcise every so often

[fumifooms]

Mickrin

Fifth entry of my “Dunmeshi rarepairs I will birth with my own hands if I have to” series. This one’s straight up embarrassing, like of course the shadow version of Chilchuck and Marcille would get me.

It suddenly grabbed me out of nowhere. What got me thinking about it is this exchange, first comic third panel, because like… Woah. He knows she has a thing for Kabru? Or something. And he has NO FEAR. Like it’s so forward and has 0 pretenses lmao. And then I thought… And oh no. Oh no.

"I can fix him" x "I can make her worse"

Very uptight and strict and rules-following and too self-aggrandizing tbh x will not hesitate to insult you to your face and sleazy and free spirit…. Kuro is involved in an ot3 of sorts in my head and basically they drag her into Situations of various moral standing aka scams or idk going to a club god forbid. I think she needs to relax and get taken down 1 peg maybe, and I think he needs like…….. Someone to teach him what is unhealthy lmao, also remind him to get work benefits, and if they can like get to feel safe and comfy with one another (and god just the road there would be a beautiful trainwreck to watch) they would be gossip besties worsties.

Kabru needs to be the epitome of morals but like, if it’s Mickbell she can lower the bar… Just for him… <3 She can fix him just a little and she’ll be like "wow! Ok I can settle for this amount of upstanding behavior from you Mickbell you get a gold star"

I never expected it ok I read this extra expecting nothing and god knows why I saw him be like "hey u like Kabru right. You’re his babysitter right. Which poor sap is being Kabru’s maid" with 0 fear and her being so casually pissed back at him and idk, how they’re so comfy being not polite with one another but they’re still coworkers-friends despite it… Crazy for how prickly they both are that they manage that much. They bicker and see each other as annoying at best but weirdly dependable and friends despite it all and……….. I am going to grow them in a lab and observe how I can make it work

MICKBELL IS A REBOUND MORE AT 9??? Maybe Rin and Mickbell have a one night stand and then the aftermath dynamic is this….. She probably regrets it. And then it gets more complex and grows into something odd as she becomes hyperaware of him and they have this little complicity thing going on….

I think cuddling with Kuro (who would be more like a platonic protective & soothing presence in his and Rin’s relationship rather than romo) would destress her actually I think she needs and deserves it. Go to a dog cafe bbygirl it’ll fix you. So what I’m saying is the three of them watch a movie and Rin and Mickbell are sitting on Kuro’s laps and everyone is so comfy. Kuro’s legs die halfway through but he’s self-sacrificing it’s fine….. Actually Mick is on his laps Rin’s just nuzzled into his side. There, fixed. I am so weirdly invested in them… They’re funky to think about. Rin seeing Mickbell and Kuro like "you guys are aware that what you two have is fucked up right" and then joining them in the messy dynamic 🤝  Put them in situations. That will be all.

The sheer amount of sass on their own, let alone together…

Make them get drunk together it’ll be glorious

#Dungeon meshi #mickbell tomas #rinsha fana #I’m sorry i see visions in my hot coco mugs #Fumi rambles #Dunmeshi rarepairs #I’ve had these two in the back of my mind for months by now i’m like. Idk if i’ll write them at one point but it’d be neat #Rin needs more love. This does it for me idk. Think of the shenanigans. Someone chasing after Mick and Kuro and they drag her through the #Alleys along. Market-going turned very wrong. Someone said since both Mick and Kuro are pretty touchy feely they’d lean on her & #I think that’s cute #Mickrin #Rinbell is also cute but eh #Everyone needs Kuro tbh he’s just so laidback and good #Kabru notices early and is like. Now what the fresh hell happened while i stopped looking at you guys for 2 secs. Good for u but also huh?? #I swear i have actual meta posts coming soon i just have demons to exorcise every so often #If you ask me for another rin ship that isn’t qpr it’d prob be Pattadol. Toshiro too I’ve heard fun ideas for it but Pattadol… #Her little ‘money~’ laugh is weird lol. One common point with Mick?

[amwritingmeta]

Two Liars in an Impala: Deconstructing The Brologue from 11x23

I know there must be meta about this particular exchange up the tumblr wazoo, but not on this particular wazoo blog and not written by me and - honestly - I need to get these impressions out of my head or my poor melon is set to explode. And soon. Thusly, I ask you, please, to bear with me and I thank you most sincerely. And here goes.

Let’s begin straight off with a transcript of the dialogue in question, taking place between Dean and Cas in the Impala as they go for a beer run after they’ve had their last confrontation with Amara in 11x22. That confrontation resulted in Amara exorcising Lucifer from Cas' body before she, you know, mortally wounded God. Anyway, overarching plot aside, this is all about the Destiel subplot and how it’s been built into a crescendo with every single season. They came so close here and it’s pretty damn glorious to read how cleverly simplistic they are about it. It’s also painful and rather heartbreaking to read between the lines and see how fucking in love these two guys are with each other and neither believes the other feels the same. But more of that in a moment.

Here’s the exchange:

Dean: How you doin’? You good? I mean, you know, the whole Lucifer thing. Cas: That was just so stupid. Dean: No, no, no, it wasn’t stupid. You were right. You were right to let Lucifer ride shotgun. Me and Sam wouldn’t ‘ve done that. Cas: Well, it didn’t work. Dean: No, but it was our best shot. And you stepped up. Cas: I was just trying to help. Dean: Yeah, and you do help, Cas, you know, I… Sometimes, me and Sam, we’ve got so much going on that we forget about everyone else. Cas: Well, you do live exciting lives. Dean: Yeah, that’s one word for it. …But you’re always there, you know. You’re the best friend we’ve ever had. You’re our brother, Cas, and I want you to know that. Cas: Thank you.

If you surface-read this quickly it’s very basic dialogue between two friends, one reassuring the other that his choice was a good choice, that he does help and that he’s appreciated for it. If this was the only scene you ever watched with these two characters, perhaps this is all you’d take from it. You wouldn’t notice that first glance of affection from Dean before he even starts speaking, and you wouldn’t notice the quiet devastation on Cas’ face at being called a “brother”. You wouldn’t feel the pauses Dean takes and you wouldn’t think there’s any more to Cas’ rather short, but at-first-glance earnest, statements. Truth is, I don’t think I could even blame you for not noticing, because you’re not aware of their backstory, you don’t know what those looks and pauses actually signal or where they have their root. So, let’s go root-digging, shall we?

Yes, we shall!

First we should establish where the characters are actually at in their shared narrative before getting into that Impala. I say shared narrative deliberately here, because this is an exchange between Dean and Cas, and though it touches on the overarching plot for the season, it’s really about leading into the moment where Dean tells Cas he matters to the Winchesters. So why isn’t this exchange purely about that? Why isn’t it a brologue, plain and simple?

Because it’s riddled with carefully constructed lies.

Their shared narrative highlights these lies to us in this moment, but only if we’re aware of their separate backstories, because Dean goes through shit that Cas has no idea about and the same goes for Cas. Otherwise they couldn’t lie in this scene. Or, actually, lying is too big a word, they’re just not telling each other the whole truth.

Dean’s backstory leading into this moment is that he’s spent the past few weeks out of his head worried about Cas. In every single episode since they learned Cas had said yes to the Devil possessing him, Dean has been on the search for a means to find Cas and save him. He’s not been able to sleep, he’s barely wanted to hunt - Sam has had to coax him into it more than once - and he’s had Sam constantly reassuring him that they’ll find Cas. He’s also stubbornly refused to believe that Cas wouldn’t want to be saved, going so far as to argue with Sam about Cas being an “it”, nothing more than a “strong vessel”, one that might actually help them beat Amara. Even when Sam calls him out for making the “heart choice instead of the smart choice” he doesn’t back down. Add to this the fact that a running theme through the entire season has had - figuratively and literally - to do with hearts, and Dean being told, in brightest sunlight by a caring and more experienced person (aka spirit guide) that he’s obviously pining for someone and to follow his heart, then all the rest will work itself out, and what do you have? I’d say you pretty obviously have a love story on your hands, peeps.

When Dean and Sam and the roadhouse gang finally manage to trap Lucifer and reach Cas, Dean has a moment of thinking - because Cas reverts, even when he knows Dean is there, and Lucifer is let back in control - that perhaps Sam’s right and Cas has chosen this and he’s too far gone. Only, when Amara appears - to reiterate: God’s sister, whom Dean has explicitly said he’s afraid he won’t be able to resist - and she confronts Lucifer, all that comes out of Dean’s mouth is a rather furtive and yet hopeful “Cas?”. Because he can’t help but follow his heart and his heart is still right there and why doesn’t his angel hear him, when he’s always heard him before? (Yeah, I get mushy. Shut up.)

Cas’ backstory gives us the answer to Dean’s question, because after having Rowena’s spell put on him at the end of S10, we know that he feels he’s so dangerous that he even calls for assistance from the angels rather than putting Sam and Dean in harms way. Dean is cured of the MoC and that’s all that matters. The angels, however, torture Cas until Hannah shows up and stops them, consequently getting killed. Cas escapes, goes to the Bunker and gets help from Sam and Dean, only, when he’s left alone he uses Dean’s computer, comes across Dean’s favourite porn (Asian Beauties) and it triggers the spell. Cas goes on a rampage until Dean shows up, reaches through the fog and stops Cas killing an innocent woman. Rowena lifts the spell, but Cas is left traumatised, afraid of not being in control, and won’t leave the Bunker. This fear of losing control is shown to us in a quick sequence of images, brought on by Cas attempting to leave the Bunker to join Dean in an investigation.

The Flashes: (1) Dean’s voice telling Cas to fight the curse over images of Cas beating up Dean fairly severely (which ends with them in the same position as the “I Need You” moment, but that’s for another post), the flashes continue with (2) Hannah being killed, before they move into Cas unable to stop himself from stabbing (3) Crowley in the back, and they finish with the royal beating (4) Cas took from Dean while Dean was under the influence of the MoC.

Here’s my interpretation of this sequence of flashes and, yes, to be fair, I will call it an interpretation, though I swear I didn’t just pluck it from the air - this is all right there in the narrative:

(1) DEAN: the flashes begin with Dean, the voice over of his words from when he reached Cas and stopped him from killing the woman. This VO is placed over the images of Cas beating on Dean because the beating isn’t what’s important to remember - what’s important is that Dean reached Cas and stopped him from hurting an innocent. That said, I believe the beating Cas gives Dean is here because Cas - subconsciously, if not with perfect clarity - attacks Dean out of anger and frustration, stemming from finding that porn on Dean’s computer. Dean’s usage of porn didn’t come as a newsflash to Cas, but the exasperated and troubled look on Cas’ face when he closes the computer, before the spell takes hold of him again, and his muttered query about it, shows us that he finds it perplexing and yet another point where he can’t quite relate to Dean - or, rather, where he fears Dean feels they can’t relate, which goes even deeper if you look at Cas’ ambiguity when it comes to sex. It’s all angering and frustrating, all these confusing feelings, and Dean is the source of them. So Cas - his emotions enhanced by the spell and out of his control - takes his frustration out on that source.

(2) HANNAH: is Cas’ mirror. The feelings she develops for him and how that development is set up so closely resemble Cas’ connection with Dean, to the point where Cas, in the Hannah/Cas subplot of S10, is very much representative of Dean’s role in the DeanCas narrative: this is even shown, more than once, through the editing choices, where one image of Cas will fade into an image of Dean and vice versa. Now Hannah dies in order to save Cas, the same way Cas has put himself in harms way again and again to save Dean. How can Cas not reflect on how, seeing so much of himself in Hannah, his own statements of “The mission is all that matters” to her closely resemble what his relationship is with Dean.

(3) CROWLEY: So Cas has no emotional connection to Crowley whatsoever and shouldn’t feel traumatised about stabbing a demon in the back. That said, S11 is humanising Cas ever more and being under the influence of a spell and left without any sense of control when killing might be enough to traumatise even an angel as old as Castiel. Conversely, they may have wanted these flashes to feel less focused on Dean and more on that sense of a lack of control.

(4) CAS: the flashes end with a perfect mirroring of Dean being under the influence of something external and CAS NOT BEING ABLE TO REACH HIM. This is the most traumatising realisation of all: if Dean had felt even a sliver of what Cas feels for Dean, wouldn’t he have listened to Cas’ plea? Wouldn’t he have managed to bring himself to stop - like Cas was able to when Dean urged him to let that woman go?

What Cas misses here, of course, is that Dean attacking him was the Mark defending itself against what it could feel Cas’ plea was actually doing: it was reaching Dean. The Mark sensed it - all that history and all those times Cas had come between Dean and killing (Hell, Purgatory) and the Mark wasn’t going to have that. Perhaps a part of Dean wasn’t this time either, but he did stop himself at that last moment, even though it can’t have felt like it for a beaten up and bloody Cas. Furthermore, what Cas doesn’t realise is that because of Dean’s feelings for him, Dean has withstood, again and again and again, the actual physical manifestation of the Mark itself (in the form of God’s frigging sister).

So, not knowing what he really means to Dean, with all of this other crap in the back of his head, it doesn’t take much to make him believe that he’s expendable. Especially when it’s family (an angel) saying it, and then, minutes later, the woman who has had a clear effect on the man Cas loves. And feeling expendable he turns to what he knows: duty. And duty dictates that he should be ready to sacrifice himself for the greater good. And, as with every case involving the greater good: that he should sacrifice himself, ultimately, for Dean. (We could discuss tropes, but I’m not going to.) Lucifer says he can stop Amara, which does indeed mean saving the entire world, but also means breaking her hold over Dean. (Just as an extra bonus for those heartstrings of ours.) So, dutifully, Cas says yes to being the vessel for Lucifer and then he shuts himself down and doesn’t fight back and he doesn’t listen, not even when it’s the man he loves calling his name over and over again.

Another of my favourite DeanCas scenes EVER is when Cas wakes and Lucifer is finally gone. The silent exchange between Dean and Cas in that scene is fucking foreplay (Cas even says that Amara exorcised Lucifer from his body - has he not always called it his vessel before?) and that micro-expression look of relief and happiness and love on Dean’s face is precious, to say the least. The sexual undertones also perfectly echo that other time his angel came back from the dead and had a make-over and Dean desperately tried to control the semi-boner at the sight of him. But lets not digress.

So. With these backstories as our big, shiny, bright deconstruction tools - let’s take another gander at that exchange in the Impala:

Dean: How you doin’? You good? I mean, you know, the whole Lucifer thing. Cas: That was just so stupid. Dean: No, no, no, it wasn’t stupid. You were right. You were right to let Lucifer ride shotgun. Me and Sam wouldn’t ‘ve done that. Cas: Well, it didn’t work. Dean: No, but it was our best shot. And you stepped up. Cas: I was just trying to help. Dean: Yeah, and you do help, Cas, you know, I… Sometimes, me and Sam, we’ve got so much going on that we forget about everyone else. Cas: Well, you do live exciting lives. Dean: Yeah, that’s one word for it. …But you’re always there, you know. You’re the best friend we’ve ever had. You’re our brother, Cas, and I want you to know that. Cas: Thank you.

Doesn’t it read rather hollow now? Superficial, even? With all that emotional baggage between them, doesn’t it feel like there are things that are seriously left unsaid? I mean, even if you surface-watch you must know that Dean has been sincerely worried about Cas, right? And that Cas saying yes to Lucifer comes off the back of being told, twice, that he’s expendable. I’d say, even if that was all I had to go on, this superficial brologue is pretty pale for a conversation the narrative has been building up to for twelve episodes. Well, devil’s in the details (sorry, couldn’t resist) and the reason this conversation feels so superficial is because it’s a game of spot the lie.

Here are the two biggest ones:

Cas: I was just trying to help.

and

Dean: Sometimes, me and Sam, we’ve got so much going on that we forget about everyone else.

Cas was not “just trying to help”. He was doing exactly what he has been doing since the first time he saved Dean Winchester’s life: he was saving Dean Winchester’s life. Add to that the undertone of rivalry with Amara - one that’s restated on several occasions during the season - and he has another very real reason for wanting her dead: pure and simple jealousy. In short, Cas is the jilted lover. Although we must remember that Amara is trying to destroy the universe, as well as wanting to make Dean an eternal part of her, so I would think this sentiment is valid.

Turning to Dean’s line of dialogue now, there are two things that stand out. Firstly: Dean does something telling when he bunches himself together with his brother and creates a “we” rather than an “I”, and he does this throughout the entire exchange. And why does he do that? Excellent question.

Because Dean is so aware of what he would like to say, of how the first thought in his head when Cas woke up and was himself again was that he wanted to kiss him (personally, watching that scene, I can see this in their body language and it’s so calculated that I’ll be damned if I’m wrong - it’s also pointed out in dialogue but this is for another deconstruction). Now, in the Impala, Dean is terrified of his own feelings, and of being rejected, so he finds refuge in expressing himself as part of The Brothers, rather than simply speaking his own sentiments.

Then he moves into a very blatant lie, because when Cas went missing, more or less all that occupied Dean’s mind was saving him and, hey, this is a fact, okay, that’s not me Reading Into Things because Dean’s worry and search for Cas is actually in the surface-narrative of the show and can’t be argued with in the slightest. So, this statement, which includes Sam, but is more or less Dean’s pretty crappy way of trying to cover up exactly how much he worried for Cas by pretending he continuously “forget about everyone else”, this is a great, big, fat lie because he did not forget about Cas, not for a moment. Yes? Good.

Now, what about the fact that Dean can’t express how frigging thrilled he is to have Cas back? The undercurrent here doesn’t really make the subtext of this conversation feel like it’s a brologue. Sure, Dean is crap at talking about his feelings - oh wait, except when he talks to Sam about their relationship. He doesn’t open up about his private feelings to Sam, but they confront each other about their brotherhood on a regular basis, even acknowledging that a lot of the shit that’s gone down between them and the choices they’ve made is because they’re family. Not so much of that honesty here, even with all that build up. Wonder why. Could it be because Dean and Cas are not brothers, but totally in bloody love and sharing in their mutual fear of rejection?

My heart. My poor, poor heart. These two will be the end of me.

What’s lovely about this piece of dialogue is that it serves a superficial purpose that ties it in with the surface-narrative of the show, the one in which we know Cas thinks he’s expendable: the exchange effectively tells Cas that he matters to the Winchesters. Dean even manages to finish with “I want you to know that”, tossing a smidgeon of intimacy in there because he can’t help himself, because he wants to just admit how he feels, but he can’t bring himself to. And we’ve seen how much he feels. It’s just that Cas hasn’t seen it, and being Dean’s brother is a half-measure at this point, because this statement only confirms all the emotional turmoil that caused Cas to say yes to Lucifer in the first place: his love for Dean is unrequited and it makes Cas feel very much expendable. That hesitant “Thank you” of his, as well as the long, almost a little angry, look that he gives Dean underlines this.

The most heartbreaking part is how Cas doesn’t pick up on the softening of Dean’s voice when he tells him “But you’re always there, you know”, and how Cas doesn’t see that rather reflective look on Dean’s face after Dean’s told him “You’re the best friend we’ve ever had”, as though Dean is taking stock, realising that this is the truth: Cas is his best friend, and he can’t risk his relationship with him. Fear of rejection wins out and instead of attempting to express all those deeper emotions he’s feeling, Dean resorts to the one that’s always right there: family. It’s also telling that he doesn’t make the declaration of brotherhood personal between him and Cas, but something shared between the three of them: "you’re our brother”. As though Sam is the unwitting chaperone that Dean can gratefully hide behind. Then again, Sam also serves to cushion the lie - it’s not Dean telling Cas that he literally is a brother to him, it’s Dean telling Cas that he’s a brother to the Winchesters. And that’s a much less intimate statement. 

There’s also Dean’s fear of being left behind and how Cas not only up and leaves without a moment’s notice, but also how he’s done this in correlation with Dean attempting to express what Cas means to him. Every time he’s told Cas that he needs him, Cas has still disappeared, or chosen Purgatory, or found something bigger and more important to dedicate himself to.

For fuck’s sake.

That is all. Thanks for your time!

#destiel #supernatural #meta #11x23 #dean winchester #castiel #dialogue #deconstruction