#I wrote this as MY ferret is running around my room rn

[antisociallilbrat]

Okay I've talked about Stan's pet parrot named Whisper but now I wanna talk about Richie's ferret named Trash.

When the Losers were going to college and Richie dropped out (literally maybe a month after Bill did) Richie got lonely during the day. Bill was too busy with his writing to pay Richie any attention and we all know Richie needs it to survive.

So one day Richie went roaming out in town while all the Losers were in class and/or busy and he finds himself in a petstore.

There's this ratty looking creature in a cage all by himself and he's half off bc he's missing part of his ear. The creature is curled up in a sad ball and it slowly looks up at Richie as he approaches.

It was love at first sight.

Richie has never interacted with a ferret before, let alone know what they need for care, so yes it was a little bit reckless when he walked out of the store with the ferret and bag fulls of stuff he wasn't sure if he needed or not. (The store attendants were no help.)

Part of his purchase was fucking rabbit hay- that's how unsure he was about what a ferret needs, so he bought a bit of everything.

Naturally, Bill is the first one who meets the ferret when Richie brings him home.

"Stan and Eddie are going to muh-murder you."

*holds the ferret up Simba style* "But look at him! How could I leave him?!"

Bill chuckles when Richie tells him he's named the ferret Trash so he counts that as a win.

Like Bill said, Stan and Eddie lose their shit when they get home.

"That thing is not staying in my house Richard!"

"Do you know how many diseases it's probably carrying?!"

Look, Richie doesn't cry, he's never been one too, but while Stan and Eddie are scolding him, feeding off each other and oblivious to his hurting feelings, Richie starts to tear up. Mike cuts in and puts a stop to it, saying Richie can keep Trash if it makes him happy. Mike is the only Loser (besides Bev sometimes) that Stan and Eddie can't argue with.

Ben and Bill take Richie back out, to a better pet store, and actually buy the basics for Trash. Bev writes out a list for them after some quick little research. Then they all get the treat of watching Ben build the ferret cage, they like to watch his hands work.

Stan and Eddie still hate the ferret. They don't want to play with it, they're always harping on the smell, and overall they're just bitter bc Mike allowed Richie to keep it.

But they keep hearing all the rest of the Losers laughing in Richie's room from them watching Richie and Trash's antics. Bill tells them one day that he swears Trash is just Richie in animal form. Bev starts sewing little outfits for Trash and Ben builds Trash an elaborate tunnel system as one his class projects.

Eddie cracks first. He does his own research and finds out that ferrets don't carry diseases that can harm humans but actually they can catch colds from humans. When Richie gets the sniffles he tells him that maybe Trash should room with Bev or Bill until he's over his cold so that Trash doesn't catch it- 'but he totally doesn't care about the ferret'.

He keeps finding out all these fun facts about ferrets through his research and one day...he sneaks into Richie's room to finally meet the thing. Trash pounces on his feet the moment he's in the door and Eddie freaks out but then Trash backs up, doing his little ferret dance and okay Eddie falls in love with his little chirps. That's what does him in.

Richie is very smug when he comes home and sees that Eddie is still playing with Trash.

Stan takes a little bit longer. He's not mad about the ferret anymore, it's more of a principal thing. He's a stubborn bitch when he wants to be. He's perfectly okay ignoring that there's a ferret in Richie's bedroom.

Until he's home alone one day, a rare day off, and he's watching tv on the couch and slowly he ends up falling asleep. When he wakes up, there's a ferret sized lump in his lap.

Richie accidentally left his door cracked open.

He doesn't want to move the thing because he doesn't know how it'll react to being woken up. So he's kinda stuck there and eventually, hesitantly, he decides to try petting it. Trash snuggles closer in his lap.

Bev comes home and finds the pair, quickly taking a photo before he can stop her. He's fussing about it but when Bev tells him that Trash never snuggles with anyone he shuts up.

Stanley Uris loves feeling special and the fact that Trash will only cuddle with him wins him over- he's not happy about it. Yes he is.

#this somehow turned into a ramble/ficlet #🤨 #I wrote this as MY ferret is running around my room rn #she has already pounced on me #i've been surprised attacked #also for the love of God plz never buy ANY pet without doing your research #bad Richie! #also also ofc this was poly Losers #richie tozier #stanley uris #beverly marsh #ben hanscom #eddie kaspbrack #mike hanlon #bill denbrough #poly losers headcanons #poly losers #poly losers club #reddie #stozier #bichie