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ones-delight · 3 years

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I unfortunately won’t have therapy until the end of this month (I should have scheduled one earlier this month ugh lmao I thought one later this month would be better) so I’m doing what my therapist suggested, write down all what’s going through my head even if it doesn’t make sense to help bring myself back to reality. lol. I’m very much lost in my own sauce of feelings and thoughts. it’s allllll about my ex again so ugh lmao. My main anxieties are just feelings about my ex and what’s coming up this semester.

I’m currently in my apartment in Iowa City since we’re about to start back up my usual routine. I’ve been here for almost two weeks now which is nice because I’ve been trying to take my time to relax and get myself mentally prepared for this upcoming semester. I’m also low key glad I’m having these overwhelming anxieties right now instead of later this week. I need to ask my therapist again what exactly I am feeling (if it’s like a panic attack because i truly dont know) because I’ve been feeling hella anxious the past few days (in general) and yesterday my anxiety was so intense that I barely ate and I felt sick to my stomach. idk if others have the same too but when I also get hella anxious, all I want to do is go to the bathroom so tmi lmao. I feel this way now and I just cannot stop crying so again, I’m just writing everything that’s going through my mind lmao.

#1) Related to my ex, heart break

Yeah.. I literally keep talking about this/him and I’m glad I have multiple outlets that I can say what’s going through my mind because if I keep these thoughts to myself, I keep spiraling. I’m also very thankful I have multiple strong support systems from people where it truly doesn’t get annoying to them when I keep talking about him/my overall heart break/healing journey. I know I don’t want to burden my friends with my own thoughts (it can be a lot) so overall very thankful for friends, family, and my therapist lmao.

I think the last time I talked about my heart break was the letter I wrote to him. I wrote it and sent it to him lmao. I also wrote his mom a letter in Spanish because I want to stay connected with her and very thankful she reciprocates the same energy, Apparently, he never received the letter even though I sent it over 3 weeks ago, but anyways yeah that’s a story I will tell later in this post. Anyways, it’s legit easier said than done to completely stop checking on his social media. I was doing great before winter break. Now that winter break has happened (still kind of is for a few more days), I have relapsed where I was checking very often. The break was great since I got to spend quality time with family, however, unfortunately being back in Wichita still floods a lot of my emotions where there are still a lot of memories of him and I that still makes me feel sad (luckily no longer sobbing about but I do still feel some type of way. It’s getting better thankfully). It also hurts that he’s making new memories with his new girlfriend Kylie so I was def feeling all sorts of things. Sorry, I’m trying to go onto chronologize order of events that have happened. I’m jumping back and forth lmao

First, did I mention his mom called me the day before Christmas? I was SHOOOOOK when I saw her name on my phone. I legit froze because I wasn’t sure if it was actually her so I accidently missed her call. I’m so glad she left a voicemail so I could listen first and immediately call her back LMAO. But basically, she wanted to check in to see how I was doing, wish me and my family a merry christmas/happy new year, and asked if I could come see her. We joked a bit back and forth like how she was learning English for me while I’m learning Spanish for her. lmao. so after this phone call, I wrote her a letter to update her on what I’ve been doing. I wrote it all in Spanish since that’s her primary language so thank god for google translate. overall, I told her about how I’m about to earn my masters degree in may, I’ve lost now 30 lbs of weight/having a better relationship with food, how I’m honestly still hurt about her son cheating on me (I was in my feels. You know if you ever get those feelings like you want your mom? She legit is like a mom to me since my mom isn’t an active part of my life so yeah I guess you can say I got mommy issues but anyways) I also told her that if she’d still like me to come over, I’d love to come over and see her.

Few days go by, I’ve been creeping onto his social media, it stings to see how he has flaunted his relationship with Kylie. It hurts because I keep playing this comparison game because he truly has NEVER allowed me to post about us and he would himself refuse to post about us on his social media. So, just to see how he’s been basically spending every single day with her and posting her throughout all of his social media, makes me feel an extreme type of way. during new years, she had a party at her house where it was him, her, his brother paco (which I was SHOOOK because she met paco and not everyone has ever met paco, who is his oldest brother), miguel and his girlfriend (both are super cute btw), Blake (surprisingly), and Erik. I felt some kind of way because obviously I know they would share a new years kiss even tho they’ve only been dating for literally a month. I dated him for 3 years and NEVER got a new years kiss (because he wanted to be with bros). Valentines day is coming up and it’d be their “two month” anniversary and I just KNOW he’d actually put EFFORT into spending that day with her. 3 years I dated this guy and he never ONCE did ANYTHING for me for valentines day. ok I’m getting more hurt thinking how he’s treating his other girls better than me so anyways BACK TO THE TOPIC

few days go by and I got another call from his mom. I actually picked up this time because I was really excited to hear her voice again. I legit would die for this woman legit #1 mom. She asked if she could see me and I happily said yes. It really means a lot that she still gives me the same energy that she gave me when I was still dating her son. One of the hardest parts of us breaking up was the potential of losing his family too because they are all truly good people and I am NOT the CEO of letting people go lmao. okay back to subject, I had TONS of anxiety driving over to her house because I had so many thoughts. I asked on the phone if 1.) is Lalo there. She said no. 2.) Is Paco there. No, he apparently flew back to California that morning. I was low key hoping paco would be there still because it would be cool to catch up with him but anyways my main concern was if eduardo was there so since he wasn’t, I was like “ok vroom vroom let’s go” lmao. WOWOWOWWO seeing her just made my heart so happy. She def has a lot more gray hairs since the last time I saw her lmao she’s the cutest anyways, I’m really shook that HIS DAD FREAKING HUGGED ME. THIS MAN NEVER USUALLY HUGS ANYONEEEEEEEEEEE. Typically how we greet each other, it’s like a wave from a distance and we obvi acknowledge each other. so WOOOOW I was very thankful and shook he hugged me. Anyways, his mom showed me around the house with the Christmas decorations, I noticed her birds were still doing well, she even showed me her new plants she got lmao. We sat at the dining room table and talked and ate mexican snacks. She has broken English and I have broken Spanish so literally thank god for dualingo because it has helped me. I love how when we are together, we talk really slow and try to annunciate for each other LMAOOO. Anyways, THIS WOMAN ALSO GOT ME A STOCKING filled with Mexican Candy. omg this woman i love her so much. Anyways, I showed my tattoos to her and she legit wanted to murder me lmao but she says she likes them but hates them at the same time. She also sat me down and we had a serious conversation in terms of how she sees me. She said that I am no longer known as lalo’s novia, what I am to her is a daughter. I am evelyn’s sister and yo boi that got me crying in the club because that’s what I would love to have, to maintain my relationship with them . Okay, to kind of speed things up, basically we kept talking about Evelyn’s quinceanera that’s happening this year AHHHHHH, dropped Evelyn off and her friend to a friend’s quince, and his mom took me to eat at paleterias tropicana where I tried elote for the first time and had a jugo verde WOOOOOW SOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD. literally cannot stop thinking about it. Anyways, random note, I noticed my old K-State beanie in the car and his mom said it was Evelyn’s. It gave me a weird feeling because it was originally mine that he gifted me on our first Christmas together but obviously I knew he wouldn’t keep it so I’m not suprised he gave it to Evelyn. It made me wonder then what did he do to the other gifts that he originally gave me but I gave it back to him once we broke up.. okay that was a tangent, anyways, that was it with the night with his mom and ughhh it was a really fun night and I really am looking forward to seeing her again.

Now fast forward to now-ish, me not doing good of not checking his social media, I got triggered because they now made it “facebook officlal” that they are dating. it triggered me because again, he refused to publicize our relationship and it really threw me off that they’ve only been dating for a month (technically interested in each other since October, started dating November) and already publicizing they are together. they moving hella quick and basically, I got hella bitter. I felt reckless and I texted him. I KNOW I shouldn’t have texted him because I immediately felt a sense of regret after but also low key glad I did text him. ugh i hate me lmao. Anyways, i texted him and he asked if he could call me so I said yes. Luckily, the conversation was better than I expected because it was simply like two old friends catching up. It was a really good feeling even tho I’m honestly still hurt about the way that he treated me. It caught me by suprised when he said that he has talked about me with Kylie and he actually stated that he knows what he did and feels regretful for the choices he made. That was a huge shocker and I do still have trust issues because I try to take things that he says with a grain of salt. He may be saying things to me that I want to hear but it’s not the truth so anyways lmao. Our conversation was good and it really got me thinking what exactly am I doing/how am I really feeling.

I really am happy for him. Yes i’m still deeply hurt and feel a type of way about how he treated me, but I can’t do anything about the past and all I can do is just simply be happy for him. I will always love him without a doubt, but he isn’t my person. I hope this doesn’t come off as selfish but he will never find someone better than me, he is simply finding someone better suited for him. What helps me the most about this is thinking about ME because that’s the situation for him, however, I know I will find someone better than him because I deserve the best.

I felt bad for asking because I am just fucking nosy and I’m glad he was okay with me asking about what happened with his relationship with Lila (the girl he left me for) and how did he start dating Kylie. He shared with with me that even though it was all great in the beginning with Lila (and let me tell you dude, he totally was hella infatuated with her lmao), they started becoming two different people. She apparently wasn’t emotionally there for him when he needed her (IRONICCCCCCCCCCCCC BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY HOW HE WAS WITH ME THROUGHOUT OUR 3 YEARS TOGETHER) and she ended the relationship. It did make me sad to hear because everyone needs support and it is sad when you go to someone for support and they don’t give you it, ya know? anyways, he said with Kylie, they’ve been friends for two years (I knew who she was when we were together but they’ve always only been friends since they worked at the Sunflower together. This will sound extremely bad but I never thought about her being a girl to worry about because she did a lot of “white” things that we make fun of white people for and so it kind of shocked me that he is dating her now but anyways) apparently he said that “they were hanging out and next thing he knows is that he kissed her and that’s how they started dating.” dude didn’t want to go into detail which was fine but I’m also in my head like “ok lmao you literally just got broken up by your ex and then immediately start hanging out with another girl? ok” ANYWAYS, I really am happy for him and wish him the best.

It was cool to hear about what he’s hoping to do. He shared a lot more detail than usual which again caught me by surprise. Anyways, he shared that he is currently looking for a new place to live (a house to rent) somewhere in college hill (conveniently where Kylie also lives lmao) with Erik. He is also hoping to find another job soon because things at KWCH are no longer making him feel happier so he’s looking to see if he can work for a non-profit org which makes me happy for him because I’d also want to do the same. If I’m at a job where I’m not excited to be, I’d want to also try to make a switch. He also shared that junior (martin, his little brother) will be moving to Cali in May to move close to paco which wow made me really happy for them all. Anyways, he shared that he is hoping to stay in Wichita for about one more year and then possibly relocating to KC or somewhere in Oklahoma. i did encourage him KC because it seems that KC has much more opportunities than Wichita and Oklahoma. Only thing we both hate is driving in KC lmao

Okay, so overall, I’m still really hurt about how our relationship was and how it ended but I’m very grateful that I’m doing what is best for me to make progress because this is not an overall easy thing to do, move on. I do feel low key embarrassed that I still am not over our break up but I’m very glad that I know that He isn’t my person. we will and I cannot get back together with him even if he stated that he has “changed” Yes i invested so much in him to be my forever partner and it didn’t work out but that’s okay. I’m always willing to invest in people to be the best version of themselves and it really makes me happy to see people thrive. I truly cannot and will not take him back if there was ever a time where he wanted to give us a second try because I need to remember how he treated me. If he really was always thinking it was me, then he shouldn’t have cheated on me, treated me so poorly. I’m okay with us remaining friends, but as partners in life? that isn’t it. I deserve so much better and the man of my dreams will come. I’m 10000000% okay with being single because I know I need to work on myself so that I can be fully ready for my next. I really wish my next relationship is my one and only, but hey we’ll see.

so this is already extremely long but I’m very glad I got this all out of me. I know I have other anxieties such as starting school again, which will be my last semester before I earn my masters (FINALLY), RA training coming back up (so me working is coming back), JOB SEARCH. So much is coming up and AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I need to get my head into gear.

#personal

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valeriemperez · 6 years

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Any other asks about the latest fandom incident are going under this cut, and I will not be making another post about it:

Just kinda feels like you're placing more of the blame on GG then you are on the actual media that could do better. I feel that GG has a right to stand up for himself. And it's suddenly his fault and his responsibility to shield CP from racism.

Though it may feel that way, it’s not what is happening. This is why I retweeted and liked tweets directed at media outlets, whereas all I did to Grant was like his post and say “no one deserves to be body shamed.”

Honestly no a week won't a difference in a long run imo. I don't think as racists keep piling on her she'll think "oh well I had that one week that wasn't so bad so I guess this is fine " I guess for me what GG does for CP behind the scenes has more of a long term effect then making things a little less worse for one week.

I am sure that Grant and Candice’s actions BTS have more of a long term effect on the show, I never suggested otherwise. On fandom behavior? Not at all.

I think you're giving the uglier side of the fandom way too much credit. When GG supported the "run iris run" it only inspired parts of the fandom to be against it. Take a browse through the comment section of the iris poster that's on his IG. I legit argued with a GG Stan on Instagram that they should be kinder CP cause she's GG's friend and the response was "I don't care if GG likes her I'm still going to hate her." At most they'll pretend to be nice for a week then go back to being horrible

G supporting RIR inspired some people to comment negatively, sure. But him making a post after that saying, “If you are hateful and racist towards my friend and costar, I will block you” probably would not cause that same reaction. But we will never know.

I actually disagree if you think public support is more important than the private support he's given her. I think a lot of you have some unreasonable expectations of GG making a post and the fandom going "guess we won't be racist anymore". GG is not enough to make someone give up that kind of hate in their heart I'm sorry if you thought he'd be the one to solve that problem. What he's done for her BTS and to the producers has a much longer effect then maybe the fandom playing nice for a day

I don’t think public support is more important, and I don’t think it’ll stop racism. This sounds similar to the ask above, so I think the same answer stands.

Yeah he'll shut haters up for a day. Then the SB fans who hate when GG does something nice for CP will get more jealous and aggressive. The fanboys who hate CP and will always hate her will continue to attack her. I'm not saying him publicly saying it won't be nice but if it does happen I think a lot of you will be disappointed in that it probably won't change anything.

We’ll never know.

Honest I feel like GG could publicly speak out but when it doesn't fix anything the fandom will continue to blame GG for everything. Especially since to me it makes more sense to confront media sites for not doing more for CP then to blame GG for having the gall to stand up for himself.

We have been confronting the media sites about it, don’t worry.

So Grant is only allowed to publicly defend himself if he defends other people? Also at some point it became his sole responsibility to defend everyone else? Maybe I'm reading you wrong but you're coming across as saying "Since he's not showing the support I want him to show that means he's not supportive to Candice".

I never said that, he is very welcome to defend himself. And yes, you are reading it wrong, because I have specifically stated that he is supportive of Candice and that she receives and appreciates that support.

Your stance on this seriously is that the reason CP continues to get racist attacks is because GG never made a public statement. I think you have this idea that GG is willfully denying CP any relief from being attacked. Even with GG's case the people who supported him are the ones who always supported him. The people who attacked him were pretty much laughing at him saying they won't stop because he made a post. GG got some press for sure but it won't change anything in the long run.

No, that is not my stance. My stance is that Grant has the power to make more people aware of the situation, and to make some people feel shame for their actions, but he hasn’t used it. Several people who attacked him beforehand apologized in the comments and said they hadn’t thought about it that way.

Several of his coworkers commented on the post he made supporting him and Shethority reposted his statement on their IG story to show love. Whereas when he accidentally liked the comment saying Iris should be killed off, he did not make a comment on Candice’s insta saying “I love working with you and can’t wait to continue!” or whatever, he merely went to the IGs of people claiming he wanted her killed off to say he never meant to like that comment. Whether things will change in the long run or not, all I said is that Grant doesn’t make videos or posts or leave comments when it comes to the hatred his co-stars have been sent. That’s it, that’s the whole point.

I know you're not saying more but I want to say this last thing. You're actually not simply saying he's doesn't publicly support her you're twisting it into a thing where GG is the reason CP gets racial attacks everyday and assuming you know what the outcome will be if he supports her the way you want her to be supported. You're more accusing GG of something that's not his fault.

You’re twisting it into that, I’m specifically not saying that. I already said we don’t know the outcome if he were to speak out publicly.

I mean he gave a lot of support for Candice for the Run Iris Run episode. He actually did say how great she was in it which goes along with the "I love working with you" comment that you want him to do. I guess I'm confused cause he has given that kind of public support you want him to give her but you don't want to recognize it?

I already acknowledged that he’s given her support. I’m specifically talking about pushing back against the hatred, as opposed to “I don’t see that in my mentions” or whatever. I don’t know what else you want me to say, because I still enjoy Grant as an actor and their dynamic as costars.

But lets be real here no matter what GG does he ain't changing anyone's mind. Him making a post might make you feel better about things but I doubt it'll actually making any difference to how the fandom treats CP. It just sucks that to you none of the previous support GG has given CP matters because to you the only thing that matters is that he give a public statement that would maybe have the fandom behave for no more than a week.

I already said that we will never know what would happen, and that it isn’t the only thing that matters. You’re the one twisting my words.

I don't get it tho wouldn't GG's actions having more of a long term effect on the show be more important and useful to CP? I certainly find it more important. I'd rather GG stick up for CP and WA behind the scenes and ensure their place of importance on the show then him making this grand public statement you want that might (and this is a big MIGHT) make the fandom play nice to CP for a short period.

I’m very happy with the support Grant has shown Candice behind the scenes, and I know she is happy with it as well. It’s not an either/or situation.

You're kind of sounding like Candice hasn't received support from Coworkers, producers, and shethority. Yes for one day they showed support to Grant but that doesn't erase the support they've given Candice in the past and will continue to do so in the future. It feels like you're mad people showed GG support, are they not allowed to do that?

I have already explained several times that Candice is not without support or friendship. My original statements were as they stand. Grant supports Candice and presumably others in private and in a way that satisfies her. Grant has not publicly spoken up about fandom racism or the misogyny directed against his costars. CNN and TIME etc. would need a lot more than a post from Candice or Anna to write up pieces meant to shame the racists.

Well, reading all of that was draining. I'm glad CP doesn't require the support of others to stand up for herself. I'm disappointed that she is so often there alone fending for herself (on social media). I don't know what goes on BTS and don't care. It's like having your racist grandma around a POC..."she'll call you n-word but she's old and you know I'm not like that." "Can you just tell her not to call me that?" "Huh, oh no, she won't change, just ignore her, but I like you so its ok."

I’m sorry it was difficult to read. :( And I definitely understand that feeling of helplessness.

(1)Wow. I’m really srry ppl keep misconstruing what you were saying about the GG incident. Some fans seem to be getting VERY sensitive about this situation on his behalf. You were literally just stating facts. He has never publicly defended CP from the negativity she receives from fandom. He’s not obligated to do it, but it would be nice if he did. She clearly has his support BTS but that has little to no effect on negative fandom behavior. (2)GG publicly defending CP wouldn’t automatically make the racist misogynistic haters like her, but them knowing they would potentially catch a block from him would definitely curb the negativity thrown her way, & anyone who doesn’t think so really underestimates GG’s power in this fandom.

Thank you, love. And yes, that’s pretty much all I’m saying.

What was the AV club incident ? And the dm grant sent ? :)

Grant accidentally retweeted an article praising Flash S1 that said Candice’s Iris was the weak link and she should then be recast. He picked one fan to follow and DM his apology that he hadn’t actually read the whole thing and that he loves his whole cast, then deleted his retweet. AJK kept his retweet up despite backlash, meanwhile.

I think the wording is what's throwing some Anons off. You're not saying GG has never publicly supported CP cause we all know he has The support he gave RIR being one example. I think what's being said here is people wished he "called out" that racist part of the fandom. Like you said it's not an either/or situation. GG has shown CP support both publicly and BTS but in this one area some wished he did more. Doesn't make GG a bad person nor does it remove the love and support between him and CP

You’re probably right. And yes to everything you said!

#the flash for ts #anonymous #tatiana's thoughts #more asks under the cut

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exos-prteam-blog · 6 years

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How Kpopmeetblackwomen/kmusicblackwomen Got Popular

Omg so I always said I'd make a post regarding the history of that controversial tumblr and so today is the day! I was there when ole girl first made the tumblr and dipped when things got a little weird to me but I know why she got fans in the first place and how she's kept them. This is gonba be long so get Ready for some bulletpoints and tea!! (Cold old tea lmao)

* 2014-15 kpop tumblr was....rough...especially for black fans. Like kpop was as problematic as ever but people were coming for each other's throats for liking problematic idols, like people were acting like parents and police when it came to this. You reblogged a picture of Chanyeol??? You had atleast 2 people in your inbox wanting to know why you reblogged his picture. There were these headass "most unproblematic member in each group" lists going on lmao and there was this one person who said you were a "Baekhyun sympathizer" if you still liked the problematic lil fellow. Baekhyun has said some trashy shit HOWEVER making that parallel was doing the absolute fucking most, when someone says sympathizer you know you automatically think of Nazis. Oh! And there was also this trend of people subposting other people, telling them they don't love themselves and when they'd get called out on it, they'd backpeddle. Those people are just now admitting that the shade they threw was towards specific people.

* With that being said, the dominant black kpop tumblr was blackkpopfans and during that time it became less of a place where you could find out updates on comebacks and such and more so a place where people could list out their justified grievances towards antiblackness in kpop. The issue with that however was, it came to the point where people where beating dead horses and the environment there was very negative. Like it was multiple anons going on about how they hate gdragon or zico, which is fine, but it was 80% anons like that and 20% actual kpop content. And I think it got to the point where people were thinking like....well why are we even into kpop if it's gonna be like this???

* So that was the state of blackkpopfans and some reached out to the admins to say they didn't think the atmosphere was right and that it was really negative to which the admins replied it's not negative here, this is what our anons have to say. Which is where I side eyed the admins cuz they weren't being genuine nor truthful and they acted like the atmosphere was something they couldn't help which they most certainly could especially since they were the ones responsible for posting information about comebacks which for a while they hardly did and they often posted anons daily that literally said the same thing, like I'm telling you people were running over dead horses:old, old receipts. Also the black and teal or green color scheme was depressing and just made everything worse, it was so not appealing lmao but maybe that was just me. I personally think, if the tumblr was a black kpop fans anonymous tumblr, like the one we have now I believe, I'd cut the admins alot of slack but they called themselves a place where black fans could gather, get information on debuts and comebacks, and discuss a multitude of things good and bad, so that's why they get a side eye.

* So overall, things weren't "fun" over at blackkpopfans. It was actually getting boring too cuz like I said all the repetitiveness and lack of new information. And so guess who toostie rolls onto tumblr in 2015??? That's right, Kpopmeetblackwomen. And guess what, people FLOCKED to her why? Cuz it was like a breath of fresh air.

(THE IMPORTANT STUFF LMAO)

*Now in the very very beginning, Kpopmeetblackwomen wasn't "bad" persay. The admin, at the time, like I know she's a lil dust bunny now, but INITIALLY, admin came across as very very sweet. She was nice to all her visitors and when people asked her why she created the tumblr she said she just wanted another resource/outlet for blackkpopfans to have. She didn't think it was good that blackkpopfans was all there was especially considering what was going on over there. I think, in the beginning, she wanted black kpop fans to still have a place to enjoy themselves, cuz in the beginning she didn't bother blackkpopfans at all. So you know, everything was innocent and nice enough in the beginning. The theme was pink, white, and a lil bit of yellow? Nice and bright, the layout was attractive, things were tagged properly. People talked about how excited they were for certain groups comebacks. Comeback info for groups was actually posted. It was just a welcoming place. Along with discussions of new releases there were also fans submitting legitimate fanaccounts, and alot of them came with video or footage. And that aspect was fun too, it was nice seeing black fans interact with their favorite groups, especially at the time where I think alot of us were kinda scared due to the known antiblackness and the subsequent environment on tumblr. So people posted how they met so and so at the airport or restaurant and posted selfies and I swear no one was being cringe, we, the fans, were just enjoying thus exchange of information. Also, there people actually were still discussing the problematic behavior of some idols, some people said outright they didn't like a certain person and it was cool, so it felt like a good balance. Though there were one or two situations in the beginning that made me sideye a follower, I brushed it off cuz the comment seemed silly and extra at most..lmao if only I knew.

*So where did things go wrong? From my point of view...I'd say after like the first 6 months???? Maybe, but after a while the fanaccounts dried up, naturally so cuz groups don't come to the u.s or Europe that frequently anyways. But when the submission of legitimate fanaccounts dried up, the admin and some of her followers began to act a little weird. Not only that but she stopped talking about new kpop and I think that's when the atmosphere legitimately shifted for the worse. Yes were there some people I sideyed before it yeah but I can pinpoint exactly when that space went to a point of no return: when the fan submissions were few and far between and the discussions became less relevant to kpop and more so to how (insert kpop idol or group) just looooves him some chocolate. Yeah it got really messy really quick.

* So after that shift I kinda bounced cuz I just wasn't comfortable interacting with her or her tumblr when I saw what it became and I actually think a good bit of us left after a while. Lmao after I left tho, everytime I popped my head in to see what was going on, things just kept getting worse and soon the admin and her minions started attacking not only blackkpopfans admins but also girls who contacted her requesting their fanaccounts and/or pictures be removed due to the blatant fetishism going on. One prominent incident was when those two sisters, can't remember their names, but they were being harassed after they asked the admin to take down their video or pic of them meeting Zion T.

* I haven't checked on her at all really after those incidents that happened but I still see that she's still up to no good and she's as delusional as ever. Oh! Wait another thing she'd do is write fanfic fanaccounts but then not tell people it was fanfic so people were being tricked to believe those were actually fanaccounts until someone made her clarify. Whew chile. Now I see she's still busy with making bad photoshop edits.

* Overall I really hope she snaps out of it but I don't think I can truly forgive her for preying on the insecurities of young black girls and women who obviously were/are in need of validation. While I understand the desire to be desired, that's not the way to go and it ultimately ends up with hurt feelings and an even worse self esteem. I am glad black kpop tumblr is in a better place now where there's room and acceptance for laughter and lighthearted fangirling or what have you while also room to have tough discussions.

**side note- okay lil shade, not directed to any of my mutuals though, but lol some of yall who be dragging sis be knowing ALOT about what's going on over there lmao and I'm always wondering how you stay up to date on a person who's content you don't fuck with. Like I don't like ole girl and I hardly hear about her unless something really extra goes viral. Do you though, it's all love, I'm just teasing you lol**

#text #blackkpopfans #bkpf #black army #blackexofans #black kpop fans

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