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seduceme-lovestruck-thearcana · 3 years

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The Girl in The Blue Dress

Chapter 19: Grief

@megatraven and @aallotarenunelma

New chapter >:)). And idk how funerals worked in other times so I just...kinda took the vague path. I hope it makes sense.

After Rose and Apollo found the bodies, she took the body of her crewmate and left the palace through one of the back doors. She knew every inch of this palace, and she managed to not get caught. Apollo wanted to go with her, but he knew she needed time to be alone. She needed time with the woman, even if she was gone, and he couldn’t steal that from her.

Apollo went back to the ballroom and looked for Sam. He found him where he last was and walked over to him with his head held high. He was sad, but he couldn’t show that to people here. He was poisoned last time and was not going to let anything happen to him or others because he was emotional.

He was already used to suppressing his emotions, so what’s different?

He reached Sam and stood beside him, looking out onto the people dancing.

“What happened?”

“Nothing good.”

“What do you mean?” Sam tried not to show emotion, but his voice became a bit louder than a whisper and it sounded scared.

Apollo turned his head towards Sam and he struggled to find the words. He knew he was also attached to the crew members, so her death will affect him as well.

“I’ll tell you outside, okay?” He said with his voice trying to ease Sam.

Sam was about to argue, mouth already open, but stopped when he realized that something must’ve gone really wrong.

He nodded. “Let me talk to the king and queen. I’ll meet you on the ship.”

Apollo nodded in return and left the palace, eyes still alert even outside. He only calmed when he got to the deck of the ship. However, that calm didn’t last. It immediately shifted to one of...emptiness. He didn’t know how to describe it. He didn’t know that woman like Rose and the rest of the crew did, he didn’t feel that attachment, but now knowing that he never would be able to get close to her...it made his emotions confusing.

Despite his emotions, he knew someone who was mourning more than him, more than anyone.

Rose.

At the thought of her, the memory of her sobs echo in his head and it brings him great sadness. He wanted to take that away from her, wanted to keep her smiling, but he knew that was impossible at this time. Grief is a strong emotion, one that many hate, one that hurts people deep inside, and it’s one that takes a toll for a long time. It hangs over your head like a rain cloud, but the sun won’t come out. It won’t let it come out. He knew that better than most people...

He sighed and closed his eyes. He had been standing at the left railing of the ship deck, staring out into the ocean. The world looked so beautiful, but he couldn’t focus on that beauty. It was all dimmed down by the slight sadness he felt. He wanted to go find Rose, but he knew where she was at. She was always worried about her mother, always spending time with her when she could, and now she would be even more worried now that she was at threat. She was in their room doing whatever they could to comfort each other.

He pulled on the collar of the suit and realized how tight it was. He walked down to his room and changed into his normal clothes, finding a little comfort in them. It’s something he knows, something that can ground him.

He laid the suit on the bed after taking it off and he noticed little blood drops on it. It made him want to throw it out, throw it into the ocean, or do something with it. He decided to fold it and throw it into one of the nightstand drawers in the room.

When he was done, he heard the door open. He turned to look and saw Sam leaning against the doorway. He had his arms crossed and was looking at the ground, face blank and unreadable.

“I’m sorry for her death,” Apollo said with his voice soft.

“Why are you sorry?”

“I think I could’ve stopped her death,” he said slowly. He remembered how he walked slowly on those stairs and knows deep down he could’ve stopped this from happening. He could’ve used his God powers and ran as fast as lightning, apprehend the woman, and stop both murders, but he was fooled.

That confession made Sam look up and show an angry face, all sorrow now replaced with anger.

Another stage of grief: Anger

He walked up to Apollo and grabbed him by the front of his shirt. “What do you mean you could’ve stopped her death?”

Apollo’s face showed no shock or fear, only his worry. “I was on the steps, slowly walking to not make too much sound as she began to run towards the door. I believed it was Rose,” he paused as the events replayed through his head, “but it wasn’t. She came in behind me and we both heard the door to them slam and a man scream.”

Sam’s hands tightened on his shirt and anger flowed through him, and he wanted to blame Apollo. He wanted to so bad, but he knew he couldn’t. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew blaming people who weren’t responsible would only make things worse. Hell, they all already knew who was responsible.

He let Apollo go and left the room quickly, and he heard another door shut down the hallway. The pain was settling in, and everyone needed to be on their own. Everyone wanted to hide from the world, and he would let them.

He closed the bedroom door and laid down on his bed. He didn’t know what else to do, so he just stared at the wood above him. He wondered if the boys will come in here at night and sleep, or would they stay up all night working?

‘Not taking care of yourself won’t get you anywhere. You know that, and I hope they do too,’ he thought.

His mind wandered for a few minutes, and slowly his eyes began to droop, and the rocking of the ship put him to sleep.

Apollo’s eyes opened slowly.

He looked around the room and saw the men sleeping in the bunk bed across from him, and he assumes another man is above him.

‘Good. They came to sleep.’ Knowing that they were there put his heart slightly at ease.

He let out a quiet yawn and rubbed his eyes. He tried to go back to sleep, but he couldn’t. He tossed and turned but nothing worked, so he decided to get up. He got up slowly, trying not to wake the boys up, and left the room quietly. The hall was dimly lit by a few lanterns sitting against the wall between certain doors.

‘Dang, that’s really helpful.’

He continued all the way up to the ship deck. The wind hit him immediately and he shivered. He wrapped his arms around himself and rubbed them up and down, trying to warm himself. However, the discomfort of the cold went right off his mind when he heard soft crying.

He looked around and couldn’t see anyone crying. There were some of the crew members messing with their weapons and messing with the ship on the other end of the deck, but the crying was near him. He looked behind him and walked up the small stairs to the bridge area of the ship, where the steering wheel is, and saw a little girl, sitting in front of the steering wheel. She was sitting crisscross and was holding Aerin. Now that he could see her, he realized it was Ellie.

“Are you okay?” His voice was quiet and tried to sound comforting, but it still had the deep tone.

She jumped slightly and looked up at him. He could now clearly see the tears sliding down her face.

She wiped her face quickly, trying to hide them. “What do you want?” Her voice broke and was harsh for a teenager. He hated seeing people like this and couldn’t help the adults, but maybe he could help a kid.

He sat in front of her, mirroring her position, and held his hands together in his lap. Ellie didn’t say anything more, only stared at him, and he was surprised to see Aerin do the same. The bird didn’t hate him anymore, but he doubted that she liked him.

“Well,” he started, “I know that everyone’s sad and a lots going on, and I know what’s wrong with them, but what’s wrong with you?” He knew what was wrong, but he wanted her to say it. She was around twelve, so who knew if she understood everything around her.

She sniffled and wiped her face again. “Why do you want to know?” Her look was sad but also suspicious, and he couldn’t blame her. He may have been here for a few weeks, but that doesn’t mean they would automatically trust him. Especially, a little kid, when all you’re taught is to be careful of everyone.

“I want to help if I can.”

“How can you help me? Why not help the adults?”

He let out a sigh and a slight smile appeared on his face. “Adults are weird and complicated. Their emotions are...stronger and it’s hard to deal with them and some adults won’t accept the help.” He leaned in towards her and looked to the left and right, as if someone could possibly hear them. “And between you and me, kids are better than us.”

She smiled at him and let out a soft giggle. “Really? I thought things get easier as you grow up.”

“Well, they do, but you change and grow, so things get more difficult as well.”

She was silent for a moment, and then moved Aerin and let her fly away. She was ready to accept someone's help.

“That sounds...bad...”.

“It’s not all that bad. Things get a little harder, but they do get a little easier. Especially with the people around you.”

“Does...this happen as well? Do more people disappear?” Her voice became tearful and began to waver.

He looked down for a moment, struggling to find an answer. ‘How do I explain death to a little kid?’

“Well, sometimes, and it’s hard. That’s one of the things that stays the same in life,” he said sadly as he looked back up at her. “But it gets better.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be sad forever?”

“No. It hurts to lose someone, I know, but they wouldn’t want you to be sad all your life. They would want you to live, be happy, and live your life the way you want. Of course you’ll miss them and still be sad at the fact that they’re gone, but it’s okay to be happy afterwards, no matter how long it takes to become happy.” He rambled all of these things to her, hoping she would somehow understand that things get better. That this sadness won’t last forever.

She looked at him for awhile, trying to take in everything he told her.

“So, will my mom get better? Will I see her smile again?”

He put on a reassuring smile and ruffled her hair. “I believe so. I bet your mother is a very strong woman, she knows what to do,” he said with his voice confident. Then, his curiosity got the best of him and needed to ask her something. “Who is your mother? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Rose.”

That caused him to let out a little, “Oh,”. It’s not that he was jealous because she had a kid with another person, but seeing her taking care of a kid and multiple other kids and a crew? That was a truly strong woman, and he couldn’t be more proud of her. He’s watching her grow over each timeline, and he couldn’t help but admire it.

Ellie stood up and walked towards him. She hesitated for a moment, but she leaned down and gave him a tight hug. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, and her cheek was against his shoulder. It made him pause for a moment, not used to any kid attention, but he wrapped his arms lightly around her.

“Thank you, Andy,” she said, her voice quiet from her shyness.

He didn’t say anything in response, and just let her stay there until she let go and ruffled his hair. She gave him one of her sweet smiles and left, bouncing down the stairs. He let out a little relieved sigh at the fact that he helped her. He helped someone feel better, and he liked it. He was getting better at peoples feelings slowly.

He heard a noise and looked up to see Aerin sitting on top of the steering wheel.

“Do you need something as well?”

She flew away immediately and he let out a laugh.

‘Good. What would a bird need help with?’

He let out a sigh and ran his hand through his hair and felt the tiredness creep back on him.

‘Now I really need to sleep. No use in being tired,’. He got up and went back to bed, still trying to be quiet. When he finally laid back down, it only took him a few minutes to let the darkness and comfort of sleep take him again.

The next morning, they all get up in the early hours and had a funeral for the woman. On that day, Apollo learns that her real name was Rhea and that she was going to get married to one of the guys in the crew. All of that made him feel many emotions. He felt anger and confusion as to why Adonia did this, and sadness from her death. He may not have known her as good as everyone else did, but how could he not feel sadness? This was an innocent womans death, and he could’ve stopped it. Guilt was one of the emotions he felt, but he had to push it aside.

The funeral was mainly quiet, even with the kids there. Few people talked, but it was mainly silent. Many did it out of respect, but some did it because they couldn’t form any words. That was the day that he realized that everyone in that crew is family.

Everyone in that crew is very important and can’t be replaced.

Everyone is loved.

Apollo looked over at Rose during the funeral and saw her, Sam, and Melody together. Melody was hugging Rose to her side, Sam was leaning against Rose, and they all were together. That day also made him realize that now it’s not just Rose at risk, it’s everyone at risk. Instead of just worrying about Rose and Melody, now there was multiple people he had to worry about.

He closed his eyes and began to pray, hoping it would be heard.

‘Hades...spare these people...’.

He has no idea if Hades or any of the Gods would hear this Gods prayer, but he hoped. However, he knows that hope isn’t the only thing you need to make things happen.

If it was, then Rose wouldn’t have been there at all.

After that funeral, Rose did not wait to meet Adonia’s commands. She went back to the ship, got her weapons, and was getting ready to meet her.

Rose was standing in the doorway of her room, ready to leave, but called for Apollo first.

“Andy. Can you stay here with my mother?”

He was called to her room and he saw her in her normal clothes, but he could tell there was some armor underneath her clothes, something to actually protect herself. However, despite her want to leave, her anxiety and worry about her mother was still there, and she demanded for him to watch her mother. And he was happy to do it.

“Of course. What do I have to do?”

“I don’t have time to say everything, but my mother will. Just stay here in this room until I get back. Don’t go to sleep. Don’t take your eyes off my mother,” she said with a demanding tone.

“Rose. Go. I’ll be fine with him and the crew here,” Melody said in a calming voice. It was the type of voice a mother uses to soothe a crying child. And it seemed to work on Rose, just a tad bit.

She turned around to face her mother. She was sitting on the bed, body facing Rose, and she had a bright smile on her face. However, he could see that her smile was shaking and that she was in slight pain.

Rose went to her mother and gave her a kiss on the cheek and a tight hug.

“I love you. Be safe, okay? Don’t do anything reckless,” Melody whispered to her, her voice wavering with worry.

“Love you too, and you be safe as well.”

Rose pulled away and left quickly. She knew if she stayed she didn’t know if she’d be able to leave.

Apollo closed the door behind her and looked around the room. He felt a little awkward around her, so he didn’t know what to do. He looked around for a chair or somewhere to sit, but Melody stopped him.

“Andy. Come over here,” she said as she scooted over and patted the space next to her. He gave her a thankful smile and listened to her.

He sat down on the bed and looked at her. She was beautiful like she always was. She was practically a Goddess, and he didn’t understand why she hid away most days. As if she could sense his thoughts, she turned to the nightstand beside her and took out a bottle of liquid.

“I need watching because I am sick. It is why I hide away most days, it is why I wince too much, and it is why I could barely move that one day when we got attacked,” she said with her voice a little more louder than it was with Rose. She wasn’t harsh sounding, but definitely was trying to show some kind of power she had.

“Why are you sick?” He was curious and nervous.

‘She’d never been sick before. It’d never been Melody also at risk, other than the war. Is this going to start in more timelines now?’

She looked at the ground and let out a sigh. “I was a mercenary many years ago like Rose is. I was teaching her when she was young. Teaching things she needed to be safe, things she wanted to know, and she was so excited for everything,” she said with a fond laugh at the end. “I never taught her how to kill though. She hates it, just like I do. I taught her ways to avoid killing if she could. I taught her that not everything has to end or begin with violence.” She then looked up at him and her voice went sad.

“But that’s when she learned that kindness isn’t always given back. She was around twelve when she went on a job with me. It was a simple job of collecting fur for a woman who really needed it. She was sick and weak and couldn’t get it for herself, so I promised her I would. I was healthy and good for this, but that day is when that stopped.”

“I was getting the fur and was attacked by a couple of bandits. She tried to help me fight, but I pushed her aside and told her to run, but she didn’t. The bandits didn’t want her, however. They wanted me, and they got me. They had a poison on one of their weapons and they stabbed it right into me,” she said as she began to pull up her shirt. She pulled it up to where he could see a nasty wound.

It was a stab wound and it had a lot of purple around it, like it was a bruise freshly formed, but it wasn’t. It happened years ago, but still affected her to this day. She pulled her shirt down and looked away from him. “I now can’t fight anymore. I managed to get us both back to the town and people helped me to a medic, and it was almost too late for me, but they gave me this type of medicine that could help me. But this poison will never fully leave my body. I’m effected forever or until medicine develops to where I can get rid of it completely,” she said with her tone hopeful at the end. She really believed that maybe she could get better in the future, truly believed that maybe things would be okay.

“It’s why Rose does many jobs. She keeps getting money to pay the crew, pay for food, pay for armor, but also to pay for my medicine, and manages to get a lot of news from the doctors. It’s never really good towards me, but she tries.” She looks back up at him with a bright smile, this time not forced. “And it makes me very proud of her. She sings to calm people down, her best friend is her brother, she has a kid she’s taking care of, a big crew she’s taking care of, and she still finds time to take care of her sick mother.”

When she finished telling her story, Apollo felt his heart shatter. He watched her raise Rose in such a beautiful way in every life. She was always protective, careful, and gave her all of her love, and now she still did it, even if it was in a different way. She had to give her love from afar and pray for the Gods to keep her safe. She couldn’t keep an eye on her when she needed it, so now she only had hope to hang onto, but he knows hope isn’t always good enough.

“I’m really sorry that that happened to you.”

She let out a little noise of disagreement. “It’s okay, Andy. I’ve gotten used to the pain and I manage to push past it sometimes, so I’ll be okay. I just worry about my daughter and my son and the crew. Plus, now you,” she said with a smile. She had this look in her eye that showed that she really cared, her voice was filled with care, and he had to look away. A little blush formed on his face and he let out a shy laugh.

“Thank you, miss,” he said with a quiet voice. She trusted him enough to tell him everything, and it made him feel a bit special.

“Melody. It’s Melody.”

They smiled at each other and he felt like he got to see her.

He got to see her.

And now he hoped he could see Rose. The real Rose underneath this mess, underneath all of her anxiety, underneath the mercenary title, underneath The Dagger, underneath everything. He wanted to see her.

After a few hours of reading books, telling tales together, and helping Melody with her medicine, it became sundown, and it made both of them worry. However, their worry was put to an end when the door opened slowly, trying to be quiet, and Rose stepped through the door. They both took in her appearance and saw only a few things wrong. Her hair was a slight mess, there was blood on the shoulder area of her shirt, and she was wincing.

“What happened?” Apollo and Melody said with worry. Rose stared at them and she looked shocked and confused like them.

“Adonia didn’t come, but a little girl did,” she said with hesitation in her voice. It sounded like she was afraid. It caused Apollo to think of a little girl that existed, a creature that followed him and Rose everywhere.

Lumie.

He walked over to her and held her hands, gently. “Please, tell me what happened. Leave no details out.” His voice became serious and rushed, no longer calm and relaxed. This was a threat on her life now, no matter how big or small it was. This meant her life was now in more danger than normal.

Rose took in a deep breath and let it out, trying to calm herself. “Well, here’s what happened.”

Rose got on her horse, Winter, and rode all the way to the Athena statue. It was a statue but also a worshipping place. It was in the woods, but in a clearing and safe place. The idea of meeting her there had her letting out a little scoff mixed with a laugh. Athena, Goddess of war, is now going to be a ‘witness’ to two women fighting or at least confronting each other.

‘Of course she would want to meet there.’

After around ten minutes, she ended up at the statue, and she didn’t see Adonia. There was no other horse, no other figure, nothing. It was just the statue and Rose. She got off her horse and walked over to the statue. She stood in front of it and looked around it, and behind it, thinking she’s hiding. However, instead of Adonia, she found another girl.

“Oh, hello, Rose!” The voice came from the top of the statue and Rose stepped back and looked up at the top. There was a girl with a purple dress on, black lace gloves, light pink hair in pigtails, and black boot like shoes on. She looked around thirteen or fourteen, and Rose felt worried for the girl. She was sitting on top of Athena’s head, swinging her legs, and it looked like she would fall over any second.

“Little girl! You shouldn’t be up there,” she shouted to her, panic making her heart start to race. And then her head suddenly began to pound. She felt...some kind of Déjà vu, but she worried more about the girl.

The little girl let out a scoff and waved her off.

“Oh, little old me? I’m perfectly fine,” she said with a clear, kind voice, but it was fake. It was too high pitched to be comfortable for her to say. She then jumped down and landed on her feet, perfectly fine. She didn’t even wince when her feet touched the ground, even though she should have. Rose was taken aback and stared at her in shock.

“I think it’s you who should be afraid.”

“Why should I be afraid? What do you know?”

The girl rubbed her hands together as she began to pace slowly. “Well, I know a lot of things, Rose. The more important question is, what do you know?”

“What do I know?”

The girl let out a giggle that went on for too long. “Yes! There’s...so much more going on behind the scenes of everything here. Everything is set into place, set into motion, and you can’t stop it. You never have been able to.”

“What do you mean!” Her voice was shouting with anger. She remembered Adonia’s threat and began to worry for all of her family.

‘What things are going to happen? What has she done? Did Adonia do this?’

“Did Adonia do this? That’s the question you think of? Why not ask what my name is? What is the price of all of this? Can you stop this? What is really happening?” As she said those, Rose began to open her mouth to shout questions, but the girl interrupted her.

“My name is Lumie. You already know that. Well, a different version of you knows that. Isn’t that kind of funny? You think you know me, and you do, but you really don’t. Life is so funny like that,” she said with a creepy smile as she stopped pacing and looked directly at Rose.

“This isn’t funny. Was it you who killed Rhea? Or was it really Adonia?”

Lumie let out a gasp, offended at the mere idea of accusing her. “Me? Absolutely not! I’m just...a watcher in this. I watch everything unfold and play my role when it comes. Isn’t it the same as life?”

“What do you mean ‘your role’? What game? This is life, not a game!” Her voice kept getting louder from the anger building inside of her. She had to know who this girl was, what she meant, what she did, and what she’s talking about.

“It doesn’t matter what I mean. You won’t remember or understand at all. Plus, there’s more watchers. Some you know and some you don’t. Some want you dead and some don’t, but you don’t know who it is. And you never will,” Lumie said with another creepy giggle.

“Is it Adonia? What does she want?”

“I’ll give you a hint, one watcher is Adonia, and another watcher is someone you don’t know,” she said as she held out her two hands in a scale like motion. “One is stronger and one is weaker. I guess you’ll have to find out who it really is,” she said as she laughed one last time. She pointed into the woods and gasps. “It’s Adonia!”

Rose fell for it and turned around in a quick motion, but didn’t see or hear anything. However, she did feel a scratch motion against the bottom of her neck. She let out a little shout and turned around to see anyone, but no one was there. Lumie was gone, and fear and panic was the only thing left.

Rose reached behind her neck and tried to find the wound, wanting to see how bad it was. She hissed when she touches it, and knew she had to get back to the ship now.

She got back on Winter and began to gallop away. However, she couldn’t help but look behind her when she got a littles away. She saw a figure leaning out from behind the statue, staring at the direction where Rose was. She felt creeped out, but continued to ride back to the ship, hoping she would be okay, and that her crew would be safe.

Hehe anyways >:))). I was going to make it a bit longer, but I couldn’t think of a title for this chapter?? Literally?? Could not, so I just focused on the grief parts to go with the title hirjewds. But yeah!! I hope you both liked this one!! There’s proofreading but my bad if something is wrong!

#my writing #the girl in the blue dress #I love this timeline and hehe next chapter has some reveal AND character development and sweet moments with Apollo and Rose.#oof Apollo pines so much and I feel so bad for him but it's gonna be okay next chapter. Kinda. I mean it's not because she's gonna die #in the end #BUT YEAH-

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kareenvorbarra · 7 years

Note

Stealing an excellent prompt from Vardas - top 5 edain quotes!

OKAY GONNA ANSWER THESE LAST FEW ANCIENT MEME PROMPTS

i’m gonna do it the same way you did, with actual lines of dialogue spoken by Edain characters. honestly it was a struggle not to fill this list completely with CoH quotes but I did my best.

Predictably this got long so quotes and explanatory yelling are under the cut

1. Beren

To Felagund then Beren said: ”Twere little loss if I were dead,and I am minded all to tell, and thus, perchance, from this dark hell thy life to loose. I set thee free from thine old oath, for more for me hast thou endured than e’er was earned.’

The Lay of Leithian, Canto X

OUCH. let me cry at you about how little Beren values his own life, how much guilt he feels at outliving almost everyone he ever cared about, how he recovered some of his will to live after spending a few months in the forest with Luthien but after watching his new friends get eaten in werewolf jail he’s pretty much right back to square one x_x save him

2. Hurin and Morwen

‘And if we gain our ends, then the Elven-kings are resolved to restore all the fief’s of Beor’s house to his heir; and that is you, Morwen daughter of Baragund. Wide lordships we should then wield, and a high inheritance come to our son. Without the malice in the North he should come to great wealth, and be a king among Men.’

‘Hurin Thalion,’ said Morwen, ‘this I judge truer to say: that you look high, but I fear to fall low.’

The Children of Hurin, Chapter 1

Hurin/Morwen is the best-written Tolkien ship and that is the hill i will die on. all their conversations in the CoH are so good and shippy and full of awful foreshadowing and dramatic irony. you can feel their devotion to one another and how much they trust each other even though they have such different personalities and ways of looking at the world. Hurin’s been through a lot but he’s so determinedly hopeful, and Morwen wants to believe things will be alright (and in Hurin’s company it’s almost easy to believe) but she can’t quite bring herself to do it after everything she’s seen.

my favorite thing about THIS quote in particular is that apparently, at some point in the planning stages of the Nirnaeth, Hurin and Fingon and maybe Maedhros sat down and discussed what they were going to do once they took back Ladros, and Hurin was like “that land belongs to humans, specifically my wife” and the elves were like “yeah you’re right”….god idk just something about Hurin recognizing her as the heir to the house of Beor, that that position still holds weight in his eyes and the eyes of the elves, gives me a lot of feelings

3. Turin

‘All this I have answered,’ said Túrin. 'Valiant defence of the borders and hard blows ere the enemy gathers; in that course lies the best hope of your long abiding together. And do those that you speak of love such skulkers in the woods, hunting strays like a wolf, better than one who puts on his helm and figured shield, and drives away the foe, be they far greater than all his host? At least the women of the Edain do not. They did not hold back the men from the Nirnaeth Arnoediad.’

The Children of Hurin, Chapter 10

okay i fucking HATE this quote kjghjlhgfjaksdgh along with the whole exchange between Turin and Gwindor that comes before it. i love it, but god does it hurt me. this is one of those moments when it’s so painfully obvious how out-of-touch Turin truly is, how little he knows about his own people. he was a child during the Nirnaeth, and sheltered from the worst of its aftermath in Dor-lomin, and it’s like he still views it through a child’s eyes - the men who went to the battle and never returned are heroes, and to behave any other way would be cowardly.

i love him, i love this speech, i totally understand how he ended up feeling this way, but GOD Turin you don’t know what you’re talking about!!!! i’m so mad!!!!!!!! “they did not hold back the men from the Nirnaeth Arnoedied” as if that means anything! as if that means none of them tried, or wanted to try but didn’t because it would have been useless! also this quote makes me think of Rian because you KNOW she didn’t want them to go, she’d been married for TWO MONTHS and she hated war and literally all her other male relatives had died in combat, and Morwen had major reservations about the whole thing too but Turin didn’t know about that because he was a little kid!!!!!!!! anyway i’m really upset about this family, why couldn’t they all stay together and be happy and get to know each other properly!!!!!!

4. Tuor

‘Gurth an Glamhoth!’ Tuor muttered. ‘Now the sword shall come from under the cloak. I will risk death for mastery of that fire, and even the meat of Orcs would be a prize.’

Unfinished Tales, Of Tuor and His Coming To Gondolin

Okay this one’s short but i LOVE all the lines where dangerous outlaw Tuor comes through, because he’s the same person as beautiful cinnamon roll Tuor, and kind, sweet characters with a violent streak are my WEAKNESS (see also: Tuor wrecking Maeglin’s shit with his bare hands in BoLT). so here’s my son snarling death threats in Sindarin, ready to kill the shit out of some Orcs. and possibly eat them afterwards, who knows (Voronwe: *whispers* what the fuck)

5. Aerin

'He speaks with the truth of death,’ said Aerin. 'You have learned what you would. Now go swiftly! But go first to Morwen and comfort her, or I will hold all the wrack you have wrought here hard to forgive. For ill though my life was, you have brought death to me with your violence. The Incomers will avenge this night on all that were here. Rash are your deeds, son of Hurin, as if you were still but the child that I knew.’

The Children of Hurin, Chapter

ugh okay sorry that 2/5 of this post is me getting upset about things Turin says about Edain women, i actually love Turin a lot thanks ju but god….he’s so….oblivious sometimes and it’s not really his fault but i still want to shake him and yell “you have the NERVE to insult this woman who helped and protected your mother and sister for years and endured decades of horrifying abuse the likes of which you’ve never experienced, all of which you should KNOW because SADOR JUST TOLD YOU.”

enough about Turin. Aerin is one of the most important Tolkien characters to me - she has such a presence even though she only appears in the story briefly, and everything she says and does carries so much weight and i’m impressed that Tolkien managed to create a character of such depth with just a few pages and a handful of earlier references. i don’t think Tolkien wrote enough women, but when he did, he tended to do a good job with them (better than some later fantasy writers tbqh). and the Children of Hurin is very special i think because it has maybe the highest density of female characters in anything Tolkien ever wrote (Morwen, Finduilas, Aerin, Nienor), and they’re all different and they actually say things and we get insight into their lives and thoughts and motivations.

Aerin is very specifically portrayed as strong in a way that Turin doesn’t recognize as strength - quiet, enduring, pragmatic - and she’s bitter and miserable and victimized but she still uses what little power she has to help others. Tolkien recognizes that, and he makes it clear that Turin is wrong about her. My other favorite Aerin-related line that didn’t quite make this list is when Asgon, one of the thralls who escapes with Turin, tells him that he thinks Aerin was the one who set the hall on fire, then says, “Many a man of arms misreads patience and quiet. She did much good among us at much cost. Her heart was not faint, and patience will break at the last.” i love that Aerin is this respected figure among her people, that everyone from elderly homeless Sador to young strong restless Asgon loves Aerin and recognizes that just living her life the way she does requires strength and bravery. so i’d like to non-sarcastically thank Tolkien for giving us Aerin, and for leaving her fate ambiguous even though every Tolkien reference site/blog on this damn internet seems determined to pretend that her death is canon i’m looking at you askmiddlearth

#meme response #i can't believe it took me so long to answer this one #esp when i specifically asked you to send it to me dkjhljkrehvjkfdf #anyway thanks for humoring me dear #crocordile

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