#I'll probably come back with more points later XD but feel free to use this

[mittenskittensslay]

Hi!

I'm doing a project for school, and I need to have some stories from real people to back up my point. My topic is representation in media and how it affects mental health. I was wondering if you had any stories about a movie/show that has helped your mental health or educated you on something? I know media and representation have really helped me to figure myself out and made me feel seen, so I wanted to do this topic because of that. I really need more stories from real people, so I'm asking people online and hoping some of them reply lol. Thank you!

Wow, thanks for asking me! When is your project due? I don't know when it is but I hope I replied fast enough and I hope this helps you! :D

Well, for me personally, the way The Owl House handles neurodiversity, and LGBTQ2S+, and disability is an eye-opening experience because it was previously unseen to this extent! Notable examples are all how all the characters are shown as no less! They don't have to be "normal" or fit in! What is normal, anyway? They're celebrated and valued for being wholeheartedly, shamelessly, and unapologetically their amazing, authentic selves! No matter who you are, you're valid, there's no normal and it's not frowned upon! The manner in which they're portrayed, they're so well written and that has helped people understand that they're actually neurodiverse, or LGBTQ2S+, has helped them reach out to others and seek for help when needed, myself included!

Luz struggles to fit in on Earth and Eda as well as King, Hooty, and the Collector have a hard time belonging on the Boiling Isles. However, by being open and accepting, they realize that "us weirdos gotta stick together!" to quote the Owl Lady, which is one of the pivotal, if not the main message of this show which is "You gotta be your own witch!" Also how "magic (literally) comes from the heart" it's one of the endless reasons why I love the Owl House so much and my love for it will never die.

The Owl House has allowed me to embrace myself, love myself wholeheartedly and practice more self-care. It's helped me come out of my shell and make friends thanks to the treasure it is that we fans cherish and its beautiful fandom that lets us form profound bonds by sharing this deep love and creating our own fan arts and fan fics. Luz teaches us and helps us, reminds us to be even more vulnerable, and spread sunshine and joy, love, goodness and kindness everywhere we go, to go with all our heart wherever we go! I love myself for being autistic and a genderfluid aroace lesbian even more now thanks to them. This cartoon has even aided me in realzing my sexuality and neurodiversity.

Look, kid, everyone wants to believe they're "chosen". But if we all waited around for a prophecy to make us special, we'd die waiting. And that's why you need to choose yourself." - Eda Clawthorne

"You know, you can't hide from your fears forever, which is why you've gotta get the jump on them. Give 'em a whack right in the face." - Eda Clawthorne

Please, do yourself a favor. Never hide. I've been different than others around me all my life and will proudly continue to do so, wearing it as a badge of honor because if you don't then you insult yourself, you don't live with integrity. Easier said than done but you've got to because if you're not you, then who are you? Never let the haters get you down. I relate to Luz and the others as being a proud outsider who found friends and found family also! Imagine if Luz and the others conformed. I have always found it difficult to be who I am, it doesn't always come out but Luz is so inspiring she's so herself, unique, and spontaneous in everything, makes us accept ourselves and that way I have never been happier to be me, you feel connection to the characters: they represent you, they're others just like you: this is a part of you and I love every part of you. Break free from toxicity and recognize it. Being understood is one of the best feelings. Eda accepting her curse has allowed me to accept every part of myself. It show people that LGBTQ2S+ exists and there's no need to be afraid. Change your life, you're not a tree that's stuck, find your tribe. Keeping things in is self destructive. "Does it have to be perfect?" like the most powerful witch of the Boiling Isles says again. True friendship is also shown, being there for each other. This show also tells us that we make the labels for ourselves, we define. It's how you feel, not trying to fit in the mold, you don't need to meet every single thing on a checklist or match all criteria. The labels are what they are precisely because every beautiful individual adds their own meaning and flavor to it.

Basically, to sum it all up, it portrays neurodiverse and LGBTQ2S+ folks accurately and most importantly in a way that people can relate to and feel good about themselves. For example, for me personally, it helped me open up more, embracing and expressing my true and best self, every day we get better and better. We become more social and actually truly connect with others deeply due to our shared love for the owl house which is usually hard for me to do as a high-functioning, self-advocating, and self-diagnosed autistic (or Aspie, though I don't use this label now since its no longer in use). It shatters stigma and stereotypes. It's simply groundbreaking. With love, and support, found friends, and family both biological and found, you can thrive, not just survive, and be loved, and accepted for exactly who you are nothing lees you're just weird enough to be the awesome you that you are. These and countless others are the feel good messages of this show.

Of course this essay wouldn't be complete if I didn't mention Amity Blight! Almost everyone in the Owl House undergoes key character development and their life as they know it changes in the best possible way, no less than thanks to Luz Noceda, which is an astonishingly beautiful thing but I believe I can safely speak for many, if not all of us (also yours truly), when I say that Amity undergoes the most amazing and impressive character development I've ever seen so far! Goes without saying! She starts off being seen as a bully when in fact it is later revealed she never was. It's never taken for granted that Luz with the sunshine she is and spreads selflessly everywhere, helped Amity rediscover her true self. Amity understands and goes on a journey or self improvement. If that's not inspiring, then I don't know what it and I'm not exaggerating here! Amity does a lot of self work, recognised her mistakes and attempts to become a better friend to Luz pretty quickly.

Hm, I wonder if when Luz said, "I'm not a witch but I'm training hard to be one." and showed Amity the ball of light emerging from the light glyph, she was speaking to her essence and broke through/got through to her!

And then, when Amity said "remember to turn on the light" to Luz and saved her in WAD, she woke her up bc she reminded her that Luz is light, literally!

Luz helps Amity remember who she really is, to return to her true self, who she always has been deep down, not just sb trying to achieve ultimate status and Amity helps Luz remember that she's the light of everyone's life! To continue to be who they really are! They saw through each other! I think they also literally became each other - Amity became Luz's light and Luz was suffering with the same issues as Amity, thinking that she ruined everyone's lives which was definitely not true in both cases! Neither Luz nor Amity ruined everyone's lives, ofc! It was the complete opposite! And they did what one did for the other as I said above but reversed!

Bc Amity and Luz are essentially the same -both so positive, carefree (maybe not always but eventually and unafraid to be themselves), dorky, nerdy goofballs who are so kind and sweet and powerful and so much more and full of love! (But also different in their own unique way)!

Love and kindness always win in the end and we have them inside us! We are love and kindness themselves! We just need to give each other a chance!

Luz, Raine, Masha, The Collector, King, Papa Titan, Amity, Hunter, and basically everyone is probably on the spectrum so hats off to everyone and them. Eda helped me confirm my gayness, something I was already aware of before the Owl House. Same goes for the characters mentioned above: Luz as genderfluid; Raine, Masha and The Collector non-binary; Papa Titan as probably non-binary/agender genderfluid? (Feel free to correct me, sorry if I'm wrong)! Vee also (however, I don't think the creators have canonically confirmed whether she's/they're envy or demigirl or something similar but I'm assuming this headcanon respectfully and again, if I'm wrong, please feel free to correct me and educate me because I believe we're all always stil learning! However, again because people are allowed to be truly themselves - as it should be -and not marginalized and hiding for that, we can thrive. I understood that I can actually be attracted to women (I already knew that before, I believe I even had a type already, Eda basically confirmed that or the feelings around that time just happened to coincidentally appear and feel more real not because necessarily because of their frequency and intensity because you can still be attracted to someone even if the attraction isn't always there and strong (hence my aroace label) whether it's frequent and or not intense. Aroace folks can feel or not feel love and attraction and want or not want a relationship and sometimes I have felt not wanting that but it's always very brief, I do want love, I'm too much of a hopeless romantic at heart not too! I also already knew i was genderfluid. I'm a cis woman, I've always mainly identified as a woman but I'm more than just that "label": its doesn't define me fully. It's broad and vague so I feel it fluctuates. I can be and express myself as any gender: no gender, both genders - its never fixed. Before however I always knew I wasn't straight but I wasn't sure if i was LGBTQ2S+. I used to think I was demi sexual, panromantic but it's exactly why all kinds of representation is vital! It's ok to be a late bloomer but if this cartoon existed earlier it would have helped. Dana Terrace herself claimed to be a late bloomer also. Speaking of which, a huge thank you to her and her crew for creating the Owl House! They changed our lives forever in the best possible way! The connection and love between us fans, whether casual viewers or die hard fans will always be priceless: this show means everything to me and always will!

There's a lot more that can be covered but the essay would go on far too long and I don't know the word limit for your project but I hope this is enough!

This is an awesome post I found Life lessons from TOH

#Helping out a mewtual with school project #You're welcome #hun! 😁🤗💕xo #Coming back to this post a few hours later #I hope I expanded enough on the points I made in the essay #Let me know if it requires more details and/or if you need any further help #Please don't hesitate to ask me 😊 #Made some changes and added some further points #Couldn't resist 😜 #Got more brain waves and just had to add more stuff! #I'll probably come back with more points later XD but feel free to use this #If you want #As it already is!

[jacksnwangs]

Lol, I don't mind long messages at all ;) Anyway, I wanted to request snapshots of Jihoon's perspective. You know how you rewrote the major scenes in Yoongi's perspective? I was wondering like, what was Jihoon thinking when he suggested that Jimin should date Yoongi, when he saw Yoongi come home crying, when they got married, etc. Thank you! ;) (Also I literally just read so many of your Yoonmins and I love your angst so much, I recced your fics on bantanficrecs, I don't know if you saw. xD)

does anyone even follow me anymore? i know it's been literal years since you asked this and unfortunately, i don't know that i'll follow through and finish all the scenes, but i did in the past couple years write a solid 6k of jihoon perspective so i thought i'd post a little bit just to honor this very very old request! and who knows. i miss writing a lot and even though i'm not really on the rpf/kpop fic train anymore, i love the relationships i created with jihoon as an oc so it's not impossible i finish this as a whole story one day soon ;)

you definitely need to read the original when you're in love all the lines get blurred for this one to make sense

i.

Jihoon is fourteen when he answers the phone, Jimin already partway through whining a complaint as the connection completes. There’s the rough crackle of static that he’s gotten used to from his old, hand-me down flip phone and then he hears, “… that I’m gay and she laughed at me!”

It’s said with that can you even believe it! kind of tone that makes it seem like Jihoon should know what’s going on and he should be on Jimin’s side. Jihoon, as is usually true, does not know what’s going on, and probably wouldn’t even if he’d caught the first half of Jimin’s sentence, but, as is always true, he is on Jimin’s side.

He tucks away Jimin’s casual announcement away to consider later, if he can remember to, and focuses on the more pressing issue: “She laughed at you?” Jimin makes an enthusiastic noise, which Jihoon hears clearly as thank god, you understand, before launching back into a rant about his mom and not being taken seriously. It gives Jihoon the same sense of pride he feels when a teacher calls on him because they know he isn’t paying attention and he gets the answer right anyways.

Jihoon follows the conversation, making vague sounds to express outrage and sympathy at all the right points until he hears a faint knocking through the line and Jimin hurries to end the call with a grateful and cheery, “love you, bye!”

Jihoon does not, in fact, remember to address the part where Jimin just came out to him.  

ii.

Jihoon is sixteen when he has to spend half a week needling Jimin to find out why he’s been using every free period to pout and stare longingly out windows like a weekday drama character. When he finally does get Jimin to cop to marathon moping, the two of them slumped against each other on Jihoon’s bed with their backs against the wall, Jimin still tries to get away with mumbling, “It’s nothing, just a… little argument with my mom.”

“Oh,” Jihoon says, because Jimin never fights with his mom, or anyone, really, and he can’t remember the last time Jimin was even annoyed with her. Until he does, and he says, a little too excited, “Oh! Did you try to tell her you’re gay again?”

Jimin blanches, immediately, and Jihoon can’t fathom why he’s got that wide-eyed, stricken look on his face. It’s not like Jihoon cares. He’s never thought twice about it, not once in the years since he found out, not even long enough to tease Jimin about how much he blushed and stammered when that one handsome teacher from the dance studio complimented him on his improving skill.

“I-I-I,” He stutters, and Jihoon briefly wants to make the joke about how nervous that guy makes Jimin now, but he waits, because he lives mostly to embarrass Jimin but there’s a time and a place and this probably isn’t it. Jimin abruptly scrambles away from Jihoon, nearly falling off the bed in his rush to create some distance, “How did you know?”

“What do you mean, how did I know? You told me!” It never occurred to Jihoon that it might be a big deal. The first time, Jihoon had accepted it just as casually and easily as Jimin had said it. If Jimin had sat him down to have a big coming out moment like they sometimes do in American movies, Jihoon probably would’ve said something at least vaguely nice to fit the moment. “Did you forget?”

“You never said anything!” Jimin accuses instead of admitting he totally forgot he came out to his best friend in the middle of complaining about his mom one time, like, two years ago.

“Why would I say anything? You’re the one who’s gay!”

“Stop saying that,” Jimin demands. Jihoon swallows back a petulant ‘but you are’.  No one is home, Jihoon knows, and Jimin probably does too, but he still glances furtively towards the door like someone might hear. There’s another sarcastic comment, as there usually is, on the tip of Jihoon’s tongue – something disparaging about his older brother, no doubt.

Probably also thinking about Yoongi, Jimin suddenly asks, without looking at Jihoon, “Did you tell anyone?” He’s so tense it seems painful, hands closing into fists around Jihoon’s wrinkled bed spread, smoothing Jihoon’s own defensive edge into something more sympathetic.

“Who would I tell?” Jihoon replies softly. Sure, he’ll whine and argue when Yoongi makes some passing comment about Jihoon only having one friend because Yoongi sucks, but it’s not like he’s wrong. He’ll pretend to be bitter about it, but, in reality, Jimin and Jihoon have been friends for sixteen years and Jihoon’s never seen the need for anyone else. And, contrary to popular (read: Yoongi’s) belief, Jihoon isn’t a huge asshole. If he did have someone worth telling, even if he thought Jimin wouldn’t care who knows, he wouldn’t have.

Jimin accepts this without further argument, maybe because he’s acknowledging that Jihoon is a better friend than that and wouldn’t spill secrets that aren’t his to share, but probably because he also knows they are an exclusive duo.

They fall into a long silence, Jimin panicking while Jihoon sits very still and hopes Jimin will come to his own conclusions. The facts are obvious – Jihoon has known for two years, and Jihoon has known while believing Jimin wanted Jihoon to know, and absolutely nothing about their friendship has changed. If Jihoon was going to care, if Jihoon was going to spread rumors and turn his back on his best friend, he would’ve done it by now.

Jimin seems to get there, eventually, but he still whispers, too full of doubt, “you really don’t care?

Jihoon drags Jimin back into his side by grabbing him loosely around his neck and yanking him into a headlock. He rests his cheek against the top of Jimin’s head, keeping him close, and promises, “You are the same person you’ve always been.”

iii.

Jihoon is eighteen when he gets a text from his best friend saying, apropos of nothing, “I’m an idiot.”

He doesn’t ask why. Jimin doesn’t explain.

Jihoon texts back, “i think you meant ‘a dumbass’ but ok.”

iv.

Jihoon isn’t sure exactly how long Jimin’s been lying next to his bed. He didn’t pay much attention when Jimin came in and shut the door with an irritated huff. In fact, Jihoon didn’t even look up from his phone, recognizing the sound of Jimin’s heavy footfalls on the steps leading up to his bedroom before the door opened. Jimin might have texted to say he was coming, the message buried somewhere in any number of notifications Jihoon has been ignoring for the sake of doing nothing else, but it’s just as likely he showed up unannounced.

He’s been sighing at freakishly perfect one minute and forty second intervals – Jihoon counted the time between five in a row after the first dozen before getting bored – since he arrived and threw himself bodily onto the floor of Jihoon’s bedroom, which is certainly unclean.

Jimin will keep sighing and Jihoon will keep pretending he doesn’t notice, not because he doesn’t care, but because he knows better. If he tries to ask what’s wrong, Jimin will insist it’s nothing, and then worry about why Jihoon thought something was wrong, and then he’ll get self-conscious about how his face looks and what his voice sounds like and act weird and robotic because he’s trying so hard to make it seem like everything is fine and then it’ll take an extra three days for Jimin to actually talk about whatever it is he’s sighing about. It’s better to let Jimin huff and puff until he’s built up enough steam to bring it up himself.

The rhythm of Jimin’s angst becomes strangely soothing, turning into such a relaxing backdrop to Jihoon’s mindless scrolling that he’s somewhere near half-asleep by the time Jimin speaks.

“What am I gonna do?” The question prompts Jihoon closer to consciousness. Jimin keeps talking, but Jihoon only has the chance to process the word “boyfriend” before he’s dropping his phone and rolling away from the wall to glare at Jimin.

“You got a boyfriend?” Jihoon feels a genuine hurt, thinking that Jimin, who Jihoon has always supported without question and very few (genuine) complaints, would keep secrets from him.

“No,” Jihoon is pleased to see that Jimin looks as scandalized as he feels. “That’s the whole problem,” he continues, and then asks again, because it apparently wasn’t rhetorical, “what am I going to do?”

Jihoon suggests he fake a breakup, the easiest solution, but Jimin is right that it won’t work. Ending the life of a lie quickly is, of course, ideal, but lies are best when there are some messy loose ends that just can’t be tied up or explained away. Having a few holes in your story can make it more believable, as long as you’re careful about where you leave them.

Jihoon also suggests Jimin gets a boyfriend, which is a win-win. Maybe even a win-win-win. Jimin’s mom believes he’s gay, win. Jimin has a boyfriend, big win.  Jihoon’s best friend is happy, the biggest win of them all.

And, sure, Jimin has a point. If it were that easy to find someone to date, Jimin would have brought one home back when he was fourteen and his mom laughed at him, and Jihoon would not be counting the seconds between Jimin’s exhales at three in the afternoon on a beautiful spring Saturday, and Yoongi would have something to do other than sleep for twelve hours at a time and somehow still be the crankiest man alive.

Jimin visibly gives up when Jihoon declines to be Jimin’s fake boyfriend, easily the worst idea either of them has ever suggested. What should happen is Jihoon should be sympathetic and comforting, while they conclude Jimin will admit he lied and continue to live his life as he has been. If the two of them thought about it for maybe, like, fifteen more minutes they would realize that Jimin’s mom refusing to accept his identity is unfair and hurtful but ultimately inconsequential. That, eventually, Jimin will naturally find a genuine relationship and he will introduce that person to his mom because he wants to share his life with them, not because he wants this specific acknowledgment from his otherwise loving mother.

However, what actually happens, because Jihoon does not believe in thinking about things for more than one minute, and because Jimin looks kind of pathetic and more importantly, sad, and Jihoon simply will not stand for that, is Jihoon grapples for any other plan, just anything to get Jimin’s enthusiasm back. What actually happens is, Jihoon says, “My brother’s gay!”

Jimin doesn’t look like he believes Jihoon, even when Jihoon lays out his very strong evidence of Yoongi kissing boys sometimes like, five years ago. Yoongi never said he was gay, sure, but in Jihoon’s defense, Yoongi didn’t say much of anything, especially not to him, and especially not when Yoongi was in high school. The most they ever talked about it, Jihoon thinks, is after the third time when Yoongi came inside after saying goodbye to his friend and found Jihoon staring at him over the back of the couch. They’d held silent eye contact until Jihoon had pursed his lips to make kissy noises and Yoongi, before Jihoon could follow through, told him to shut up and left the room.

So, maybe Yoongi never said he’s gay, but he also never said he wasn’t gay, and that’s about as close to Jimin’s type as they’re going to get in the next sixty seconds – and as established, Jihoon does not plan farther ahead than that – so he suggests him.

It’s only meant to be that – a suggestion. Something that will get Jimin’s spirit back for a few more minutes until the new plan is inevitably foiled. Jihoon gives it, at best, a two percent chance Yoongi even entertains the idea. If it were him, ignoring the deeply problematic nature of asking your own brother to fake date you to fool your mom, he’d give it a solid zero. The odds of Yoongi doing something for another person are, by Jihoon’s estimation, astronomically low. The odds of Yoongi doing something for him are lower. But, in his roughly fifteen years of observation, Jihoon’s noticed that Yoongi has what one may call, if they were being generous, a bit of a soft spot for Jimin. Jihoon does not blame him. Jimin is very hard not to adore.

“You want me to date your brother?” Jimin asks, and that is not what Jihoon said. He gags, only a little on purpose, at the idea. It’s not clear if he’s more disgusted at the idea of Jimin dating his brother, or Jimin dating his brother, and he’s not going to consider it long enough to figure it out.

“I want you to fake date him,” Jihoon clarifies, and he doesn’t dwell on how, nothing better to do or not, Yoongi probably isn’t going to help. And he doesn’t dwell on how the entire charade is definitely dumb and unnecessary, because Jimin doesn’t need to prove anything to anyone but himself. And he doesn’t dwell on the mounting swell of unease when Jimin peeks his head around the open doorway to say, full of disbelief, “uh, he said yes, so I’m going to talk to him for a while.”

v.

“Stop telling people I’m gay,” Jihoon is startled but forces himself not to flinch when Yoongi suddenly speaks, catching Jihoon as he passes Yoongi’s bedroom to get to the bathroom.

Jihoon manages to take it in stride and says without looking, “Then stop doing gay shit.”

vi.

In a truly delightful turn of events, Jihoon catches Yoongi talking to himself in front of a pile of black t-shirts several hours before he’s supposed to fake meet Jimin’s mom for not the first time. It’s been a long time since Jihoon has seen Yoongi flustered and off-kilter like this and he’s going to enjoy it as much as he can.

“Aren’t you going to Jimin’s today?” Jihoon asks, squinting at the pile to try and see if he can guess what Yoongi’s current contenders are. It’s a pointless question. There are roughly two hundred anxious, nonsensical text messages clogging his inbox making him damn certain Yoongi is, unless Jimin’s clearly

unfounded fears that Yoongi suddenly changes his mind come true. Well, maybe not entirely unfounded, Jihoon thinks. Perhaps Yoongi won’t be able to pick a shirt and will cancel to avoid the shame.

Jihoon is not one to let such a wonderful opportunity go to waste, so he takes his time teasing Yoongi until Yoongi has physically removed him and slammed his bedroom door completely shut. He’s also not one to let Yoongi have the last word, making sure to yell back through the wall that Yoongi’s ridiculous.

Halfway through making good on his promise to tell Jimin that Yoongi spent all morning picking an outfit, standing in the middle of his room because he couldn’t hold it in long enough to flop back onto his bed, Jihoon pauses. It’s been a long time since Jihoon has seen Yoongi flustered and off-kilter.

The harder he tries to remember, the more he realizes he’s never seen Yoongi that flustered and off-kilter.

Jihoon erases the message and heads to his closet.

vii.

Jihoon isn’t waiting for Yoongi. He just happens to be downstairs. Did he watch Yoongi nitpick at his clothes through the window until he had walked out of sight? It’s possible. Has he spent the past two and a half flipping anxiously between channels because he can’t focus on any one show? Maybe. Is he waiting for Yoongi to come back from his first fake date? Absolutely not.

He does, when he hears the sound of a key in the front door, suddenly rearrange himself from his stiff, upright position into a (hopefully) casual-looking slouch and try to appear extremely invested in the baseball game he hasn’t been watching. Since he wasn’t waiting for Yoongi, he doesn’t look up when the front door opens and shuts, or when he hears Yoongi puttering around in the entryway.

After changing his shoes and hanging up his coat, Yoongi comes to stand behind the couch. Jihoon doesn’t really care, of course, but it seems impolite not to, so he asks, “How was your date?”

“Fake date,” Yoongi corrects absently, weirdly focused on the tv while Jihoon stares up at his chin. It seems like it’s all he’s going to say, which should not surprise or disappoint Jihoon, but kind of does. They don’t really talk, about anything. Yoongi doesn’t talk much to anyone, and they aren’t close, and Jihoon has learned to be okay with the ever-widening distance between them.

But, maybe Jihoon was waiting, and maybe Jihoon did think it would be different this time. Even though they’re brothers, it was starting to feel like Jimin was something they could have in common. Yoongi did agree to Jimin’s insane fake dating scheme, and if Jimin can be trusted, Yoongi did most of the actual planning. In the back of his mind, Jihoon thought, maybe if Yoongi was opening up to Jimin, and Jimin is an extension of Jihoon, then Yoongi could let Jihoon in too.

“How was your fake date?” Jihoon sighs, long-suffering, and hopes it hides any desperation.

Almost on cue, Jihoon’s phone vibrates noisily from where it’s fallen between the couch cushions. They both know, without looking, exactly who the message is from. Yoongi snorts before asking, “Hasn’t Jimin already told you?”

They both know the message is from Jimin, and they both know Jimin has been messaging consistently for the past three hours, and Jihoon could let this go. He could let it go like he always does. He can pretend he wasn’t waiting, and he can pretend he doesn’t care. Instead, Jihoon says, a touch too softly, “Yeah, but I’m asking you.”

The silence goes on long enough that Jihoon thinks Yoongi might really ignore him, which isn’t that strange, but normally he at least has the decency to leave a room if he’s going to act like Jihoon isn’t there.

Just before Jihoon gets uncomfortable enough to exit the conversation himself, Yoongi says, “You don’t like baseball.”

“Yes,” Jihoon agrees. He’s been staring up at Yoongi’s chin, watching Yoongi not-watch the game, Unexpectedly, Yoongi glances down and meets his eyes. Jihoon would feel exposed, but Yoongi doesn’t look long.

“It was fine,” Yoongi says.

viii.

Jihoon isn’t jealous. He totally doesn’t care that his best friend, his only friend, if you ask anyone, is suddenly spending his free time with Jihoon’s brother. Jihoon definitely doesn’t think they’re being excessive, with how much they’re suddenly hanging around Jimin’s house, even though Jimin’s mom has a job and probably isn’t even there half the time. It’s not like Jihoon wants to hang out with both of them and watch them do weird, fake couple stuff, either.

Jihoon isn’t mad. It doesn’t matter to him that his brother, the same brother that once took every opportunity to complain about the general existence of Jihoon as a person and Jimin as a permanent fixture, has all the time in the world to play happy couple with someone he acted like he hated three weeks ago. He definitely doesn’t want Yoongi to suddenly decide he’s worth his time and start playing happy big brother.

Jihoon isn’t disappointed. He doesn’t care that his best friend seems to have forgotten he exists, and it doesn’t matter that his brother chose his best friend over him. It’s not like he thought maybe the three of them would bond, like they would all laugh about Jihoon’s great idea and what a success it was, and Jihoon could fake third wheel until the three of them together wasn’t so pretend anymore.

Jihoon’s fine.

ix.

About a month after the whole stupid charade started, and no, Jihoon is not acknowledging that it was, technically, his idea, Jimin’s over for the first time in a couple weeks. He’s sitting on the floor next to the couch while Jihoon is stretched out across the cushions. A movie they’ve both seen about one hundred times is playing on the tv, so neither of them is paying much attention, but it’s nice. Jihoon thinks they should probably be talking more, given how little they have been lately, but there’s something to be said about companionable silence. Every five minutes or so, Jimin will lean back enough that the back of his head will press into the soft dip below Jihoon’s ribs and it feels familiar, like home. It makes Jihoon wonder if Jimin has been missing him just as much. On one of the touches, Jihoon reaches out to affectionately ruffle up Jimin’s hair.

Jimin shifts, pushing into the contact, so Jihoon leaves his hand there. He wants to say something, talk about how he’s doing, but he’s afraid it’ll all come out too honest – it’s been lonely, I wish I’d been more included, I wish things could be different between me and Yoongi, I wish I could be close to Yoongi like you seem to be. He wants to ask what it’s like, when he and Yoongi are together, what do they talk about, is he nice, does he talk about me.

He doesn’t say those things, but he does ask, hopeful things will go back to normal soon, “did you two fake break up yet?”

Unexpectedly, Jimin seems a little surprised by the question, even though Jihoon was pretty sure that’s why Yoongi went to Jimin’s house all weird and morose the morning before. Predictably, when he came back in the afternoon, he didn’t say anything, but he seemed normal, at the least, if not a bit happy. Jihoon hadn’t known if he should take it as the breakup being successful, or nothing happening at all, but he’d assumed the former.

Jihoon tries not to read into what Yoongi’s moods before and after may have meant, as Jimin tells him, “oh, um, no, we decided to continuing faking for a while longer.”

When Jihoon asks why, Jimin says, “Well, it’s not like there’s any reason we have to stop now, and, my mom seems to be really getting used to the idea, you know, so I think with some more time she’ll really accept it, and, Yoongi agreed we should continue, so…”

Jimin trails off and Jihoon lets him. None of it is quite a lie, but it’s not the truth either. Jihoon knows Jimin better than he knows himself, can hear him scrambling for another excuse, something to prove that he believes in what he’s saying, something to make it make sense to himself. It’s obvious that Jimin has no idea why, but Jihoon doesn’t call him on it.

They’re both idiots, Jihoon thinks. They’re both idiots, but they probably know what they’re doing.

Probably.

Right?

x.

They do this now, sometimes, have conversations. It’s not like Yoongi is spilling his darkest secrets and asking Jihoon about his and there’s no brotherly bonding but it is a step up from passing each other like strangers in the hallway or only communicating through insults across the dinner table.

He can ask “how was your day” and Yoongi will respond with something vague and uninformative but not overtly negative and let them lapse back into silence. Jihoon can then, in an intentionally bad approximation of his brother, say, “Wow, Jihoon, thank you for asking, how was your day?” And Yoongi will give him the stink-eye, and he won’t say the words, but he’ll wait around and actually listen when Jihoon does tell him. It’s progress.

Today, Jihoon finds Yoongi drinking juice straight out of the shared carton and calls him a heathen. It’s a Sunday, and its only early afternoon, so Jihoon is surprised to find him out of his room at all. In a big step up from their normal routine, when Jihoon asks what he’s up to, Yoongi says, “I went for lunch with Jimin and some other people.”

Jihoon knows ‘some other people’ can’t be ‘some other people Jimin knows’, because he’s the only other people Jimin knows. By process of elimination, then, these must be people Yoongi knows, and shocked, he says “You have friends?”

This earns him a very familiar dirty look, Yoongi mumbling something about how alike he and Jimin are before replying clearly, “I have more friends than you and Jimin combined.”

With a thoughtful hum, Jihoon asks, “Combined, do we have one friend or two friends?”

Yoongi smiles, really smiles, genuinely, and Jihoon has to tense up his whole body to keep from physically pumping his fist into the air at his success.

If they were any two other people, that wouldn’t be the end of the conversation, but they are who they are, so it is.

Progress is progress.

xi.

“That was nice of you.”

“What?”

“What you said to Jimin – it was nice.”

“I can be nice.”

“But you aren’t.”

“Are you picking a fight?”

“I’m just saying. You can be nice, but it seems like you only are nice to one person.”

“It sounds like you’re not saying anything.”

“I meant – “

“Jihoon, just drop it.”

Jihoon, in a rare show of magnanimity, does.

xii.

Jihoon swallows back the hurt, and the jealousy, and the anger, and the disappointment, just like he swallows back his desperate questions, why did you stop following us around back then and are you teasing, or do you really mean those things and what did I do wrong and can I fix it?

xiii.

It’s been at least thirty minutes since Jimin stammered out an excuse about needing to “ask Yoongi uh, something, about the, you know, fake boyfriend… thing.” Jihoon isn’t sure what they could possibly have to talk about. First of all, they’ve had plenty of time outside of the few precious hours Jihoon has convinced Jimin to finally pay attention to him. Secondly, how difficult can it be to pretend to be in a relationship for a few months. Has Jimin’s mom really not gotten it, yet? She seemed pretty convinced when Jihoon saw the three of them after Jimin’s last showcase, but what would he know.

Part of him hopes that they’re up there discussing how to break up, because then Jimin won’t do things like disappear mid-game to talk to Yoongi, or stop coming over for a week at a time because he’s hanging out with Yoongi at his own house, and he won’t get so distracted responding to texts that he doesn’t even notice Jihoon needling him about some handsome actor or another. That hope placates him for another fifteen minutes of getting angry at pre-teens who are much better at video games than he is, but Jihoon can only handle so much x-box live before he wants Jimin to be the one kicking his ass.

After almost an hour of waiting, Jihoon’s patience reaches its limit, and he tilts his head back to yell Jimin’s name at the ceiling. Nothing happens for another several minutes, not even a shout back or an irritated ‘shut up’ from Yoongi. He pauses the game to hear better and tries again. This time, immediately, there’s a heavy thud of something hitting the floor and a short burst of footsteps. Jihoon waits for the sound of the door creaking open, but it doesn’t come.

He presses his head back against the couch cushions until he can almost see the stairs and calls, “If you don’t come down, I’ll come up there!”

It’s supposed to be a benign, meaningless threat. In part because he won’t, Jihoon’s laziness outweighing his desire for Jimin to rejoin the game, in part because there shouldn’t be any real consequence if he does go to see what’s taking so long.

Apparently, there could’ve been, because Jimin comes rushing down the stairs already spilling out apologies. As he comes around the couch, Jihoon notices that Jimin’s face is flushed pink and his hair is unusually disheveled and his bottom lip is just a little swollen and startingly red and, “oh my god, did you just make out with my brother?”

“What?” Jimin is immediately too defensive, looking anywhere but at Jihoon, and, because he is a lying liar who lies, he says, “no!”

“You just made out with my brother!” Jihoon repeats, “You left me down here to go and make out with my brother! For an hour!”

“We didn’t make out for an hour,” it takes Jimin ten seconds too long to realize that his argument only proves Jihoon right. He looks sheepish, briefly, before falling back into defensive, “It doesn’t matter, anyways! You know we’re only faking dating.”

“You can’t fake kiss!” Jihoon bursts, incredulous and furious and disgusted. It doesn’t help that Jimin looks, behind the bravado, lost and a little helpless.

“It doesn’t matter, okay?” He insists, “It didn’t mean anything.”

Jihoon makes a high-pitched, frustrated noise meant to convey are you sure and does he know that and why would you kiss him and why would he kiss you and I don’t even know who I’m angrier at.

Apparently, Jimin is not so attuned to Jihoon these days, because he doesn’t get it, and he just says, quick and dismissive even though he’s still clearly anxious, “Really, don’t worry about it.”

Jihoon is well-versed in not worrying about it. Jihoon worries about very little. Jihoon lets things go, all the time, easy as breathing.

Jihoon is, whether he’ll admit it or not, a little worried.

xiv.

The first thing Jihoon thinks, when Jimin tells him he has a boyfriend, is that Jimin should probably sound happier about it. His whole story comes out uncharacteristically stilted and flat, Jimin’s smile looking so forced while he recounts the first date and jokes about some kiss they almost got seen having last weekend. It’s not like Jimin, excitedly recounting some fake couple outing he and Yoongi had under the guise of updating Jihoon on how successful the plan was going. Or when Jihoon caught on to his impromptu make-out with Yoongi, where Jimin was flushed and stuttering and embarrassed and every few minutes Jihoon would catch him fighting a smile in his peripherals.

That’s the second thing Jihoon thinks, what about Yoongi? He wonders idly if Yoongi knew. If that’s what that look Yoongi’s been giving him lately is for. Yoongi never intentionally seeks him out, but when they do cross paths in their shared house, Yoongi will stare at him, uncomfortably long and searching, like Jihoon knows something he doesn’t. The likelihood would normally be low, because Jihoon is not one for knowing things. However, the things Jihoon does know are usually about Jimin, and the things Yoongi cares about these days are also usually about Jimin, an unexpected venn diagram. So, in this one case, there’s a fair chance Jihoon has whatever information Yoongi is silently looking for.

Was this what Yoongi was waiting for him to know?

“So, you and Yoongi are over, or whatever?” Jihoon asks, a little nonsensically, but there’s a quiet bitterness that Yoongi never said anything. Sure, Yoongi doesn’t say much of substance to him, but he was starting to. And those looks – did Jimin tell Yoongi first?  

“We were never together,” Jimin replies stiffly, and Jihoon has that thought again – shouldn’t he be happier about this?

Before he can ask, Jihoon is struck with a terrible realization.

He and Yoongi were almost getting closer, because Jimin was a tether between them. If their thing is done, the progress Jihoon made will go too.

xv.

It’s pure chance that Jihoon runs into Yoongi. The shine of loitering around waiting for him after every visit to Jimin’s for the chance to pry into what the two of them could possibly talk about all those hours they spend together has long worn off, in part because the answer typically turned out to be we sat in silence like absolute freaks for most of it.

So, this time, Jihoon really isn’t waiting for Yoongi. He’s got his knee bent at an awkward angle so he can press his shoe, sole first, against the wall. Yoongi opens the door just as he’s leaning forward against his own thigh to adjust the laces and Jihoon immediately prepares to argue, because Yoongi hates when he doesn’t just sit down on the bench to tie his shoes, and always nags about how that’s what it’s there for  and you’re going to scuff up the walls and Jihoon finds great joy in how much Yoongi seems to care about something so inconsequential. The anticipation for the pointless but familiar routine is quickly curbed by Yoongi not acknowledging Jihoon’s presence at all.

Yoongi kicks his own shoes off roughly, throwing them into the normally pristine line of other pairs so that shoes scatter and knock noisily against the wall. It’s so deeply out of character, Jihoon doesn’t even think to take the opportunity to call him out on the hypocrisy. He’s not looking at Jihoon, either, and not in that usual you’re-not-worth-my-attention kind of way, or like he’s just so distracted by his own bullshit he’s genuinely not noticed Jihoon. The not-looking is intentional, like he’s trying to hide something. Jihoon leans so far back he almost falls on his ass, trying to look, thinking maybe he’s gotten a secret face piercing, or someone gave him a black eye.

What Jihoon sees, when he manages to peek at Yoongi’s face before Yoongi can rush himself up the stairs, is much worse.

#yoonmin #bts fic #writing #bts #when you're in love all the lines get blurred

[seburath-aryes-ancunin]

Smol-ish rant-ish

I just wanna say that my boyfriend is damn lucky he has me.

I don't mean that in an entitled, arrogant way. So let me explain what I mean.

I just got back from Pax East with him and had the displeasure of his 69 year old roommate go with us. While I did enjoy the trip, all the annoyance of her I didn't. She revealed some rather...... unsavory things about my boyfriend that I had suspected all along about him.

I'm not gonna go into detail about them but I will say my reaction wasn't being mad or upset. It was more of disappointment because he himself didn't tell me. So for those reasons and a few others that's why I say he's damn lucky to have me.

I believe in more than second chances because there were times in my life people didn't give me second chances to explain myself and just left me on the spot. Later on when they found out the truth they apologized and asked to come back but I had already moved on and said 'you should have given me a second chance but you didn't and I moved on'. With him I've given him probably more chances than I should (according to everyone I know I should have left him a while ago) but to be honest he doesn't physically abuse me. He does tease me but when it does hurt my feelings he does apologize.

He actually revealed to me that I'm only his 3rd girlfriend (he's like 37 now. His birthday was the 25th of March) and his last 2 relationships he had weren't the best ones and they were abusive to him (his friends at one time did tell me this but asked me not to tell him) so he's actually learning what it's like to be in a good relationship with someone.

I've been in quite a few more relationships than 3 when I was younger and I get how abusive ones can be. I hate when people think they can abuse someone and that's ok to do.... it's really not and it hurts the person your with and sometimes they hurt others too.

And to some effect I guess I'm glad I have him too. I mean he's completely ok with me being with my wife and he's 100% willing to go up to her state and bring her back down to live with me and my mom when she decides to do so. I don't know many guys that are willing to do that. He's been always supportive of our relationship and never once got mad when we had our close moments when we met face to face for the first time. At one point he was grinning like a happy school kid in a candy shop when he saw us kissing.

I'm also grateful to him because he's willing to take my insufferable scared of heights self on trips with him and he's there to calm me down when I start to panic on take offs (I'm better with them but still don't like the sinking feeling).

Oh and he's lucky to have me too cuz I'm not a pretty girl that gets to be a whiny bitch when she gets dirty or a nail broke. I enjoy learning new things and getting down and dirty. Aka I enjoy fixing his car XD.

But all in all, he's a pretty cool guy. He has his good and bad moments as everyone does. Guess I'll stick with his nerdy ass for a while.

And PS to my wife, I still love you. I just had to say a few things to get off my chest. I don't think he follows me here lol. Tumblr is my free space from him.

#ooc post #mun stuff #slight relationship abuse #me talking about the boyfriend #smol rant #no worries i still love my wife

[shtern-and-art]

"Skeppy will probably cry" "Bad will probably cry". Bish, screw, that I am crying!!!

This whole thing was bloody gorgeous and I wasn't expecting that ending. I had no clue what ending to expect but that was definitely better than any I could have hoped for. Forest spirit to soulmate your honour!

I was terrified that you were gonna leave it at the point where he loses the spirit and becomes mortal again. If you had I would be actively sobbing!!!! And oh my god, the art!!! I still can't get over how wonderful your style is.

Imma ask fun things because if I don't I'll sit in a puddle of emotion all night:

What's the first tech thing Bad will buy and how annoying will he be about it? Poor Skeppy trying to answer 101 questions about something he doesn't really use XD.

Is no one concerned that the odd couple from a town they never name has a pet wolf??

Do they immediately go over to a different town or do they wander for a while. Find hidden creeks and befriend bears?

Does Bad still have a connection to nature and animals, like are creatures naturally more trusting of him?

Do they ever visit the og town again?

Does Skeppy still cause absolute chaos in other towns or has he learnt his lesson and only causes minor trouble now?

Does Bad ever try and study again? If he did what would he study and would Skeppy try to study as well?

Does Skeppy steal? I dunno, he just give off the vibe of a naughty lil trickster who'll pocket something if the owner refuses to sell it him.

Immediately after leaving the forest what the first 'argument' they have (not including the car one)?

Would they ever ride horse? If yes, how terrified would Skeppy be?

Skeppy falls outta tree. I don't know why but my mind keeps telling me that this man has great balance until he climbs trees. They are his mortal enemy and Bad finds this both hilarious and terrifying because he is going to hurt himself.

I had waaaaay more questions than I intended to have. My bad '^_^ but this story was way too much fun to read and you are entirely to blame for making it so engaging!

Make sure to take care of yourself and do stretches after and during drawing. You don't wanna hurt yourself <3

AaaaI’m so glad you liked it! :D And, dang, man, I cried while writing that part too :D

And I promised a nice ending for the main story, I did, and this one also makes the most sense narratively! For the story I wanted to tell, at least. Bad can’t really become human again, he’s changed to much. He can only move on, and do something with what he is, and has. And he did! :D That’s really nice and inspiring, this story will always have a place in my heart, heheh <3

Being a guardian spirit connected to a person and all, Bad may be not as strong as before, but he can’t die unless Skeppy dies first. And Skeppy can do that, but he’s pretty sturdy, and his lifespan operates on a whole other scale than human ones. And Bad knowing Skeppy’s real name balances it all out, makes them equal in the power and influence they have over each other.

So hellyeah, soulmates for the win :DDD

I’ll answer all questions under the cut, and this close up from one of the pages!

1) What's the first tech thing Bad will buy and how annoying will he be about it?

Probably a pager! Because it’s a more feasible thing to get than a wholeass computer Bad actually wanted :D An it means Skeppy will have to get one too, and that Bad will be having the time of his life texting him and everyone he can get a number from, even if they’re still in the room with him.

Poor Skeppy indeed, he can learn to appreciate the pagers, and later phones, too, and computers, but he really has 0 idea on how it all works and why Bad is so fascinated by it all.

2) Rat and regular people

Oh, she can shapeshift, just like Bad! If they’re out with people around, she takes form of a puppy, and Bad can pass her off as a weird mix breed rescue doggo.

3) Do they immediately go over to a different town or do they wander for a while?

Oh, since they have no end destination in mind, they can ride around for a bit, go visit some cool places and roadside attractions. Sadly, Skeppy is probably not spiritually or morally ready to full on befriend wild bears yet, and they do need money for gas and snacks. So, at some point they will have to stop somewhere and find work – at least for a bit, to save up. Life’s gonna be a bit complicated with all that, until Skeppy figures out his treasure-finding abilities :DD

4) Bad and nature and animals

He is definitely still in tune with all wildlife! Even more – Bad could become a proper guardian spirit for Skeppy in part because, in a way, Skeppy himself is part of the nature.

So yeah, Bad can understand animals (and plants) and communicate with them; they’re just more free to not take his shit, and Bad’s emotions do not “possess” them unless he makes an effort to do so.

He doesn’t like doing it, tho.

5) Do they ever visit the og town again?

Hm, I think they will completely forget about it for a while, until, like, 30+ years later they will be going somewhere, and find themselves around those parts. And they try to not appear too often in the areas they’ve spent a lot of time in already (they can be pretty recognizable, and also barely show signs of aging). But it’s been a long time, and the town’s really different now… So they make a stop, and spend a day there. They walk the unfamiliar streets between the new buildings, check out the popular hiking trail, the advertisements for hot springs and winter activities. The old cinema is still there, and is hosting an all-night marathon of classic horror movies of the last century.

Bad and Skeppy leave the town after sunset – the day was nice, but they have nothing more to do there. They ride through the forest on a well paved road, with radio playing something barely above the whisper. And in the dark of hot summer night, Bad can see the white stag running between the trees alongside their car. Shadows dance over the shimmering light of it’s fur.

Somewhere after the towns border, the stag disappears back in the forest. But the air in the car stays light and fresh, saving the smell of old pines and dry leaves all though the night.

6) Skeppy and chaos

Well, after the whole mess in the main story, Skeppy definitely learned some lessons, especially about not being a dick :D

But the thing is – he can’t really help the fact that things tend to stir up around him a lot. He naturally brings in chaos into everything, because he is, in part, a personification, or an outlet for it in the world. And so, to feel, well and good, and himself Skeppy gotta do stuff that disrupts balance, and creates some mayhem. And in gave him a lot of trouble in early life, but in the course of the main story he learned that he can chose were he lets that chaos to take hold, learned what can come of that chaos, apart from utter misery.

Like, where it can help dismantle something destructive, and where – bring in the more positive change, that was already brewing, possible, but is stagnant for some reason.

Soooo, I can’t say Skeppy causes only minor chaos in his life, but he sure learns even more about not being a dick :DDDD

7) The studying

I think Bad will want to get a higher education at some point, because he wanted to, and because it’s already new millennia and all that. Bet he’ll go for something very technical and/or literature. Maybe he’ll start by piking up some classes in small time colleges, when they stop in one place for a while, and later get into an online program, because why not.

Skeppy is not a college guy at all. He’ll listen to Bad talk about it, read textbooks if he wants to, can research stuff, buuut going to classes and doing homework is definitely not his thing.

8) Stealing

Well, you’re right, Skeppy can and will steal stuff out of spite! And will be scolded by Bad for it, and will not feel (that) sorry about it. But real stealer between them will be Bad himself :D

It’s just… he has the corvid tendencies, and a hoard (a box) of sentimental mementos from different people and events, and the thrill of stealing something small and harmless is very exciting. Bad is very proud of his little collection. Skeppy finds it very adorable, a bit hypocritical, and kinda creepy. Like, that pretty box he gifted Bad at some point is now full of stuff like:

- pressed flower from the clearing they had a picnic at on their anniversary

- the button the waitress lost that one day the storm caused a black out in the whole town

- some small animal bones

- couple pretty rocks Bad stole from Skeppy’s pockets

- penny that was once glued to the ground

- a handful of teeth people (and not people) lost in fights with Bad

- pen from some fancy hotel

- rainbow dash keychain that belonged to a child

- the list goes on

9) Argument

Oh, that same day they’ll fight over whether they should stay at the really crappy and suspicious looking motel, or go sleep in a perfectly fine forest near the road. Ironically, Bad wanted to try out the motel (because, yay, first time spending the night back in civilization), and Skeppy was the one insisting on sleeping in nature (because the motel looks like it could give you 10 diseases if you even stand near it, and sleeping in the forest is kind of nice, and means they can cuddle).

10) Horses

The guys will probably ride them at some point. Well, Bad will ride, and Skeppy will sit on his horse and hope it knows what to do and where to go, because trying to make this giant thing do something seems dangerous. If they’ll have to actually go somewhere fast, Skeppy will not survive that day, his butt (and legs) will be dead for days to come.

And riding with Bad on one horse may sound romantic and nice, but all romance dies when the gallop starts.

F.

11) Skeppy and climbing

Skeppy is more down to earth kind of guy, more of a “rocks and caves” kind of creature, real-life lizard person or something. Up on the trees and in the air – not really his element, yeah. But it doesn’t mean that Skeppy will accept this fact easy. The embarrassment of never managing to safely make it down a tree is too strong, he just has to do it all over again, and again. And again. Because, clearly, he was distracted this time. And the time before that Bad was teasing him, and it “disrupted his flow”. And, really, maybe these trees here just do not like Skeppy much, and make him slip a lot. Yeah.

So, more often than not, if Skeppy climbs a tree, he will not stop climbing it until he falls, or the tree ends. Bad had to take him off high branches couple times, forcefully, because, of course, Skeppy was sitting there for 2 hours just to properly enjoy the sunset. He can climb down at any point, he just Choses not to. The view is amazing. The bark is literally part of his skin now, not because he holds on tight, no, he’s just Than Much one with the nature )<

---

Don’t apologize for the questions! It’s always so fun to answer them, and it makes me think more about stuff I may have skipped, or didn’t think about before. It’s really nice :3c

Again, thank you for the ask, and for being here for this story! <3

(And I’ll try setting timers for rest breaks while I draw, mb that will help)

---

In The Dark - masterpost

#mcyt #mcyt fanart #badboyhalo #skeppy #skephalo #In The Dark #it's so hot here #my laptop's keyboard is like a stove #=c= #shtern talks

[sometimesiwrite]

The Way It Is

Prompt: Fake Dating

Pairing: Lambert & Essi Other Characters: Julian (Jaskier), Eskel/Geralt

Rating: Teen Content Warnings: No Archive Warnings; platonic/queerplatonic dynamics; pressure to engage sexually; coarse language; alcohol/intoxication; modern AU.

Summary: When Essi and Lambert are setup on a blind date, they don’t expect to get along as well as they do. However, when they decide to keep their relationship platonic and non-romantic, they realize they might face some uncomfortable pressure. For the sake of simplicity, they decide to tell people they’re dating, but is it sustainable? 

@witcher-rarepair-summer-bingo​

Essi fidgeted with the bent corner of her cafe menu, looking around at the various styles of local artworks hanging on the walls. She was early by about ten minutes, but that didn’t stop her from checking the pearlescent dial of her watch every thirty seconds. Finally, the bell above the door tinkled and a man walked in. Essi could tell from the way he was looking around that he was there to meet someone—her. The only other people sitting alone in the cafe were working on laptops and tablets; no one else waiting for a date. And this man was most certainly looking for one. 

He was handsome in a ruffled sort of way, though he’d clearly put in a bit of effort. His black casual dress shirt and slim light-wash jeans fit his lean frame impeccably, and a subtle quantity of mousse was clearly doing its best to tame his short, scruffy brown hair. Even his bristly beard appeared to have been trimmed recently. Though there was nothing particularly remarkable about his clothing, there was something striking about the way he carried himself, a devil-may-care sort of presence that Essi appreciated. For a blind date, she thought, it certainly could be worse. Allegedly, they knew each other, at least based on his abruptly out-of-the-blue text, and the closer she looked, the more her memory of him crystalized. 

A loud ping! emitted from Essi’s phone and the man looked up from his own cellular device, clearly having just texted. 

“Uh, Essi? Essi Daven, right?” He took a step towards her and leaned in, pointing to his phone screen. 

“Yes,” Essi stood to shake his hand, “hi.”

“Nice to see you again. Lambert.”

They sat down awkwardly, both struggling to find the will for smalltalk. 

“So…” Lambert had become keenly interested in a black-and-white digital photograph behind Essi’s shoulder.

“Listen,” Essi could feel the words start to tumble out of her mouth, and it was too late to do anything about it. Lambert raised an eyebrow,  “I don’t really know how to say this, so I’m just going to be honest and probably regret it later: I don’t really do this. Dating. I find it strange and uncomfortable and if I’m perfectly honest I think I’d rather die.” She didn’t cringe apologetically, which would have been the expected behaviour to accompany an outpouring of disinterest. Instead she stared at him, wide-eyed, lips slightly pursed as a muscle in her neck twitched, waiting for his response.

Lambert laughed. Genuinely laughed—a joyful release of tension and dread, “Oh, thank Fuck!” Essi blinked in pleasant surprise and watched as Lambert began to relax.

“Excuse me?” Her startlingly blue eyes widened in amusement. 

“No, no, I just mean—I would absolutely and one-hundred percent, without a doubt, rather die in a hole than date,” Lambert slotted the edge of the menu under his fingernails and let his eyes wander a little more freely around the cafe. 

“So then… why?” 

Hm. Direct, frank, amusing lack of filter… the memories were starting to come back from what limited, heavily inebriated, time they’d spent together.

There was something about the straightforwardness of this endearingly odd woman that made Lambert feel infinitely more comfortable. Usually, any kind of interaction with the potential of building mutual interest made him feel like he was playing a game he didn’t know the rules to. The signals, the code words that never meant what they said: having sex on the first date means you’re a slut; not having sex on the third date means you’re a prude; grabbing coffee means this; having dinner means that; if they your arm but don’t invite you up, it means that they’re actually a KGB operative and need to give you the launch codes for a super secret missile...

Fuck that, we have words for a reason. Say what you mean and don’t waste my time. For that reason alone, Essi was already scoring quite well in Lambert’s books. 

He shrugged, “You somehow remembered me from the KM Christmas party almost six months ago, and still asked for my number. I figure that at least deserves a coffee and a conversation.”

Essi was bewildered, “I didn’t ask for your number, you texted me.”

Lambert shook his head, “Impossible. No offense, but I absolutely guarantee you I did not.” He produced their short text exchange and scrolled to the top of their conversation: 

Hi, is this Lambert? From the KM Christmas party? 

You might not remember me, we got talking about 

the political situation in Kashmir after about…

Too many drinks. Eeep! 

Anyway, I’d love to get a coffee sometime, if 

you’re interested. 

Sorry, this is Essi Daven. 

You called me Goldilocks at one point and 

seemed amused XD 

Hope you’re well! 

Essi snatched Lambert’s phone, shocked and slightly outraged as she reached for her own device, opening her thread with Lambert. The text at the top was not from her, but from the man across from her: 

Yeah, hi, this is 

Lambert-from-the-KM-Christmas-party. 

As it happens, I remember you and our 

conversation quite well. Not many folks 

happily get into drunken political discussions

You know what, I wouldn’t mind grabbing a 

coffee. 

Let me know if you’re free in the next couple 

weeks! 

Lambert gestured emphatically at Essi’s phone screen, “In what world is this an acceptable way to ask someone out?! I wouldn’t have said yes to that!”

“I don’t know,” Essi fired back, “It was straightforward! I found it charming, okay? Is that a crime?”

“No, but I have some serious concerns about your taste in men.”

“Like you’re in such a fine position to judge after the hollow, paltry invitation you accepted—which I absolutely did not write, by the way. I want to make that perfectly clear.”

“Alright, alright, cool your jets, we’ve got bigger fish to fry.” Lambert narrowed his eyes as he passed Essi’s phone back to her, “You didn't fire the first shot, so who texted me from your phone and cleared the history?”

Essi nibbled the inside of her cheek, “I can think of a few.”

“Okay, next question,” Lambert pocketed his phone, “who added you to my contacts before you texted. Because we did not exchange numbers six months ago, but your name was already there when I received it.”

Essi shrugged, “Who has access to your phone?”

“I dunno. Really just Eskel and Geralt and neither of them would—”

“Geralt.”

“Why him?”

Essi’s bright blue eyes turned steely and murderous, “Julian… They’re working together.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Are you telling me that Geralt the-last-thing-I-need Rivia and Julian Alfred these-aren't-my-pants Pankratz think we're so helplessly undateable that they decided to secretly set us up?” 

“Eskel doesn’t know me that well; he wouldn’t try to set you up with someone he hadn’t vetted. Who did you talk to first when you got that text from me?”

Lambert’s eyes widened, “Holy shit, they’re working together.”

Essi nodded, a flood of embarrassment warming her cheeks. “Sorry to waste your time. You’re very nice but, um, I should just…” she got up to leave.

“Wh-hey, hold up. I mean, if you wanna go, go, that's fine, but there's something you might want to know first.”

Essi tossed her yellow bangs out of her eyes, “Oh? What's that?”

“This,” Lambert produced an Amex credit card from his breast pocket, “is Geralt's.” The cheeky glint in his eyes was a very convincing argument.

“Fine then. Coffee and a conversation.” 

The coffee was hot and decent, and the conversation meandered through the usual topics of music, movies, and television, but also dipped into deeper waters as they grew more comfortable with each other’s company. Of course, it didn’t hurt that neither of them had any stakes in the outcome of this “date”. It made it easier to be frank and open, which in turn led to them quickly enjoying their time together. So much so that coffee turned into lunch, which turned into a long walk in the pleasant weather, which finally landed them outside Essi’s apartment, just around dinner time. 

“I have to say, this was actually a pleasant encounter,” she said, turning to face him with a characteristic toss of her bangs. 

“Yeah, who’d’ve thought two people forced together by meddling friends would actually find it enjoyable?” 

“In light of that,” Essi squared her shoulders and found Lambert’s hazel-brown eyes, “I think it’s fair to say I want to see you again.”

He cringed regretfully and scratched the back of his head, “Ahh, yeah, so… I don’t know if that’s really--”

“Oh, relax,” Essi smirked with a casual touch to Lambert’s forearm. “I don't mean like that. I just mean--you're interesting and fun and, well I don't have many close friends and I feel like we connected well today.”

“Well…”

“I'll make it even simpler: I absolutely, one-hundred percent, am not interested in dating you.”

“Easy there, you know I love it when people get all straightforward with me.” 

“I mean it, I just want to be friends,” she toyed back, trying her best to look sultry. It kind of worked.

Lambert bit his lower lip in mock arousal, “Mmm, oh yeah...”

She swayed her shoulders forward and back, doing her best to emulate the seductive actresses and models of the 1950s, “I want to Netflix and chill with a documentary about Soviet propaganda.”

Her last comment prompted a playfully stern look from her companion, “Careful now, you’re wading into actual turn-on territory.” 

“You're such a weirdo,” Essi chuckled, giving him an endeared shove. “Seriously, though, would you like to do this again? Friends?” 

He nodded sincerely, “Yeah, I think I'd really like that. Just one problem, though.”

“If we claim not to be interested in each other but keep hanging out we’ll never hear the end of it?” 

“Bingo.” 

Essi hummed thoughtfully and nibbled the inside of her bottom lip, “Well… we could always… pretend?” 

***

“Sounds like you two are hitting it off. I’m glad. I know Essi’s been feeling a little isolated between work and being new to the city.” Geralt closed the fridge with his foot and headed towards the sofa, popcorn in one hand, three beers in the other. “I’ll take my card back, by the way.” 

Lambert reluctantly handed the Amex back in exchange for a beer and perched on the arm of the sofa. “She’s really something. We’re, uh—yeah, hitting it off is a good word.”

And hitting it off, they were. The last ten days since their first “date” had been more enjoyable than all the dates he’d had in the last year combined. Essi was a fantastic companion: sharp, witty, kind, took no bullshit… They had done absolutely nothing but hang out, and no one had pried them for many details about the nature of their relationship. As far as their friend group was concerned, they were simply dating in the way that most adults dated. This also meant more time to themselves without unwanted interruptions (namely Julian barging in with his spare key to gossip about whatever fires were currently alight on twitter). The first night Lambert had been over, it took Julian all of five minutes to “grab something from the fridge” before parting with a knowing wink. 

To her credit and imagination, Essi had expertly fielded her cousin’s initial barrage of questions when she first announced their “involvement.” It wasn’t that she didn’t like her cousin, Essi adored Julian, but she was also the first to admit that the man had no boundaries. What he lacked in that arena, he certainly made up for with opinions, which he was always more than happy to bestow on his younger cousin—usually dating advice, almost always unsolicited. Lambert had a much easier time convincing his side that he and Essi were taking it easy to see where things went. Between Eskel being a consummate gentleman and Geralt having his own Delicate Sensibilities, neither of them had demanded any details. 

“As long as you’re both happy and everything’s healthy, that’s all that matters,” Geralt’s partner reiterated, reaching into the bowl on Geralt’s lap. 

“Jesus, Eskel, you sound like my Nonna.”

“That's no way to talk to your father,” Geralt smirked into his hand of popcorn

“You're no better,” Lambert took a swig from his beer, lips popping as he lowered the bottle. “I swear, you've turned into a couple of mother hens since you two got together. Quit fussing and watch the game.” 

Geralt put his arm around Eskel’s shoulders, “We have gotten a little soft haven’t we?”

Eskel huffed out a laugh, “Probably. Hey, Lambert, don't fuck it up or I'll kick your ass into next week.” 

“Thank you. See? Was that so hard?” 

“Eh,” Eskel shrugged, helping himself to another handful of popcorn, “I stand by my original statement. Geralt agrees.” 

“It's true,” he said between mouthfuls. “Essi’s a good woman. Smart, talented, kind, attractive.” 

Eskel cleared his throat.

“Eskel, she is, it's just a statement of fact it doesn't mean that she doesn’t have other…”

“I know it doesn't but I still think you could bear to be a little more…”

“Funny thing,” Lambert interrupted, “I still can’t figure out how this smart, talented, kind, attractive woman’s number programmed itself into my phone. Because I may have been drunk the night we first met, but I have never in my life forgotten a successful number grab. Fess up, fellas. Who was it?”

Eskel’s eyes widened, “Geralt, you didn’t.”  

“I… may have… helped Julian gain access to Lambert’s phone.”

“Unbelievable. The betrayal,” Lambert shook his head, eyes still on the game. “If only there was some way to square things up…”

“You charged everything to my company card, didn’t you?”

“First two dates and a fresh pair of pants. Thanks, bud.” Geralt accepted a pat on the back as Eskel began gently but sternly berating him.

Lambert shook his head, smirking as he took another swig of beer, leaving the two lovebirds to bicker amongst themselves. His hip pocket buzzed and he checked his phone: Essi. 

Next Wednesday? Pizza and a movie?  Still can't believe you haven't seen  Ocean’s Eleven. 

Yeah, okay, fine. Jeez :P 7:30 my place? I'll provide beverages. 

If by ‘beverages’ you mean watery beer…

Fuck off, I'll get the good stuff. Unless  you prefer Arbor Mist or some shit. 

*gasps* I am offended! (but also it's delicious)

*sigh* do you want me to get you some?

*turtles into hoodie* ...peach or cherry pls? 

Haha okay, fine, I'll get a bottle. Can't promise  I won't judge you forever, though ;) 

It's okay, I deserve it.  g2g, see you tomorrow! xox 

***

Lambert groaned contentedly, massaging his stomach as he sprawled back on his aging brown sofa, long legs resting habitually on the coffee table. The now-empty pizza box lay abandoned on the far edge, accompanied by four empty beer bottles, and a nearly-empty, unfavourably warm Peach Arbor Mist. The toilet flushed and Essi emerged. Her dark gold hair had long ago been pulled into a messy bun, but her indigo skinny jeans had been replaced by soft-looking grey leggings. 

Lambert shook his head in amusement as she settled back next to him on the couch, "I still can't believe you brought your own lounge pants"

"That's because I'm a genius," she quipped, crossing her legs and adjusting the height of her waistband. "Besides, when else will I have the opportunity to actually be comfortable during a date?" 

"You took your bra off, too, didn't you?" Lambert asked without missing a beat, eyes never leaving the screen. 

"Yup!" Essi confirmed, her sparkling blue eyes glinting with joy as she raised her glass to her lips.

The movie continued as the new friends settled into comfortable silence, their food-drowsy, alcohol-fuzzy states lulling them into a new level of comfortability around each other. Legs fell asleep, positions were adjusted, and shoulders leaned on as the two sought maximum comfort for minimum effort. Soon, an arm was around Essi's shoulder as she settled her cheek on a comfortable spot on Lambert's chest. 

"You good?" Lambert asked, only half-irritated at her seemingly endless search for the perfect angle. 

"I'm sorry, I thought I'd found a good spot, but..." A few more adjustments of her head and Lambert couldn't take it anymore. 

"Jesus, woman, here. Get up for a sec."

Essi sat up as Lambert rearranged himself into a sort of semi-recline with one foot on the floor so his other leg could make room for the tiny pain-in-the-ass that was taking up the rest of the couch space. At his invitation, she wriggled up to the crook of his arm and quickly settled in. Lambert hadn't really thought about what they were doing. Not when Essi had harmlessly leaned against his arm; not when their weight settled into each other; not when Lambert had put his arm around her; not even as he was rearranging to get to where they were now. It had all just... happened. Now, though, with Essi lying still, Lambert felt the weight and warmth of her body shifting gently against his, and it dawned on him that this had the potential to be, well, weird.

But the strange thing was, it didn't feel weird. He'd fucking cuddled before, but there was always a sense of holding back, a tension in his body, being on the lookout for signals from the other person to move onto the Next Step. But now, he actually felt comfortable. There wasn't anything that was supposed to happen after this. Nobody was asking anything of him, no one sending signals he could pick up on but never read properly, no sinking feelings of dread as the other person moved in for a kiss that always felt too soon. Essi was just there, breathing, content. And Lambert was relaxed.

The woman half-on top of him gave a twitch as the credits started to roll, and Lambert let out a private laugh, "Hey, Sleeping Beauty, show's over." 

Essi inhaled heavily through her nose and lifted herself up, "Hmmm?" 

"Movie's over." 

"Did I fall asleep? I'm sorry!" she sat and rubbed her eyes, taking a sip of water to rinse the stale taste from her mouth. 

"Eh, only a little." Lambert exited Netflix and tossed the remote back on to the table. "Thought you might wanna start heading home before it gets too late." 

Essi nodded in response as she grabbed the pizza box and brought it to the kitchen trash, leaving Lambert to bring the empties. 

"You going to finish this atrocity of a beverage?" Lambert waggled the near-empty wine bottle at Essi as he passed on his way to the sink. She merely scowled and shook her head, letting him pour it down the drain 'where it belonged anyway'.

Essi gathered her things and met Lambert by his front door, checking her pockets for her phone and keys one last time before putting her shoes on. 

"You okay to walk? Want me to come with?" 

It was only 10:30 on a weeknight, and she appreciated the gesture all the same, but it was fine to walk. "Thanks, though. And thank you for tonight. I really needed to get out of the house. I hope, um..." 

She trailed off, not sure how to ask. She didn't have the same physical boundaries that most others seemed to have. She was affectionate—often overly so, and it had led to more than a few misunderstandings in the past. She didn't want Lambert to feel as though she had ulterior motives when the simple fact of the matter was that she hadn't really been thinking. Between the instant relief of not actually being on a date and Lambert's easy manner all evening, she'd forgotten that most friendships didn’t generally involve that much physical contact. Would Lambert be confused now? Thinking they were onto something more than friendship? Had he been wanting more? Had she pushed past a point of no return and doomed their friendship?

She inhaled, "Were you comfortable tonight?" 

For a split second, Lambert flailed, wondering whether he’d made her uncomfortable. Fuck, she'd seemed comfortable, if anything it felt like he’d been following her lead but maybe...

"I—yeah. That was, I enjoyed that. Were... were you not—?" 

Essi smiled and Lambert relaxed again, "No, I was. I wanted to ask in case, that's all. Boundaries and all that. I'll text you when I'm home." 

Lambert opened the door and waved her off toward the elevator, "'Kay. 'Night!" 

The door clicked shut. 

Okay, alright. Fine. Did they cuddle? Yes. Did he enjoy it? Fuck yes. He absolutely didn’t care what anyone might think about how he chose to enjoy his time with other people. However, this didn’t stop him from acknowledging that he was in uncharted friendship territory. More than anything, he was worried about how Essi really felt. Of course, she had no reason not to be honest with him. But the last thing he wanted to do was play fast and loose with someone’s emotions, especially not a friend, and definitely not one as close as Essi. Time would tell. As Lambert’s head hit the pillow, the memory of her warmth and weight settled over him again, and he slept soundly for the first time in months.

***

“Yes Poppet, but have you slept together yet? Honestly, you’ve been dating for almost three weeks now, what could you possibly be waiting for?” 

Oh, I don’t know, hell to freeze over? You to mind your own business? Whichever comes first… 

“I mean, you clearly adore one another, I’ve never seen you happier. What’s there to lose?’”

Essi scoffed. 

Julian placed his hands on her shoulders, “I know it’s been a while for you, but I think you can afford to let yourself go a little, have some fun, hm? Besides, it’s better to find out sooner rather than later if you’re sexually incompatible.”

She took a deep breath, “That’s a very good point, Julian, I’ll think about that.” The dating act was starting to wear a little thin, but it was worth not having to explain to anyone that they weren’t doing exactly what it looked like they were doing. 

Julian took time to give his cousin a scrutinizing look, “Well, by the look of things it won’t be long anyway. If you spend all of your time together as tangled up as you were the other night when I came over, it’ll happen sooner rather than later. Just trust your gut, and when in doubt, a little hint never goes awry.”

Needless to say, Essi more or less ignored her cousin’s advice.

As the weeks stretched on, it became evident that they were quickly becoming what most people would consider to be more than friends. The first time they pulled the covers back and climbed into bed, each on their half of the mattress, they were aware that yet another boundary of friendship had been pushed a little farther into the grey zone. But, they woke up the next morning feeling happy, content, and refreshed, and surely there was nothing wrong with two people sharing a comfortable bed. Essi had woken up with crust in her eyes and her nightgown bunched around her waist. Lambert had woken up with morning wood and his hair a mess. Neither of them cared. People wake up in the morning, big deal. 

Still, it didn’t stop the questioning that oscillated in the background of Lambert’s mind. Was he unknowingly leading Essi on by allowing her so much closeness without a clearly defined relationship? She’d made her own disinterest clear enough on their first “date”,  but feelings change over time. What she’d told him three weeks ago might not be true anymore… 

And then there was that soft warm tingle in the middle of his chest every time she lay her head in his lap, every time he ran his fingers through her hair. He knew he wasn't in love. Not that he was an expert, but what was all that "when you know, you know" bullshit if he couldn’t trust his own feelings? He loved her, sure, but more like a... not a sister, that would be weird. He didn't know what like. Whatever. Fuck it. Eskel had said it best three weeks ago: “As long as you're happy and everything’s healthy, that’s all that matters.” Yeah, sure. We’ll stick with that.

As far as Lambert and Essi were concerned, it was what it was, and whatever it was was working… wasn’t it?

***

"Fuckin' finally!" 

The door to Essi's apartment clicked closed as the tenant wilted against it, emitting an exhausted groan, "Two. Hours. It took me two hours to get home!" She toed off her penny loafers and abandoned her purse and jacket in a pile by the front door, ignoring the hook three inches to her left. She flopped heavily onto her living room carpet. 

"I see you found my spare key," she added, not at all surprised that Lambert had managed to let himself in. 

"Yeah, you should probably put that in a less obvious spot," he answered, crossing to the door to hang her things up. "So, I see it's a lying on the floor kind of evening. Can I interest you in a drink to start? Vodka pairs well with the general vibe of Done-With-This-Shit, or we also have tequila if you feel like shouting out the window after a couple shots. Alternatively, there's gin if you want to cry later." 

Essi smiled with her eyes closed, feeling her body slowly relaxing into the spongy throw rug underneath her, "You know me so well." 

"Vodka?" 

"Vodka. Euch, I need to vacuum!," Essi peeled herself to a seated position as clinks and clatters began in the kitchen. She hopped in the shower to rinse the day off, and after a few minutes, there was a knock on the bathroom door. 

"Yeeees?" she called, playfully. 

"Drink delivery!" Lambert hollered back, "you want this now or later?" 

"Why are you so good to me?" 

There was a draught of cool air as Lambert opened the bathroom door, "Because you only marginally annoy me. Here," he passed his hand between the shower wall and the opaque fish-scale-patterned curtain. "What's on the docket for tonight?" 

Essi groaned, "I don't know, I'm sorry. I used all my brain cells trying not to murder people on the streetcar." 

"Okay," Lambert sat on the lidded toilet, "here's the thing. I kinda maybe figured that might be the case so I kinda maybe picked up a few things to make dinner." 

A shampoo-piled head poked out from behind the curtain, "You're kidding." 

"Nuh-uh." 

"I love you." 

Lambert chuckled, "Yeah, you're alright. Come on, hurry up, this bathroom's a fuckin’ sauna, and I don’t want the croutons to get soggy." Essi burbled an answer about conditioner and almost done, and Lambert took that as his cue to leave.

Dinner was simple: pan fried Salmon with crispy skin (delicate and buttery on the inside); wax beans in butter (tender and not overcooked); grilled brussels sprouts (just beginning to brown on the edges); and a fresh caesar salad. Everything done to perfection. Full, content, and ready to take their relaxation to the next step they settled themselves on Essi’s blue-grey sectional to begin the arduous task of deciding what to watch. 

This was proving particularly difficult with the addition of Essi's caveat that whatever they chose not be "too plot-heavy" which so far had included Masterchef, an interior design show, and program about shepherding in the Orkneys. 

"Sweetheart, you gotta give me some slack here. I thought I was on track with the sheep!" 

"I know, I'm sorry!" Essi muffled into his shirt sleeve. "I do like animals..." She gasped loudly. "BLUE PLANET."

Lambert stopped the endless scrolling and pushed play as the soothing voice of David Attenborough filled the small living room.

"Hey! Why'd you pause it?" 

Lambert was standing up, "If we're going to do this, then we're doing it right. Hang on." 

Essi slumped on the sofa as the microwave kicked on. In a few minutes, there was popcorn in their laps and half a bottle of vodka on the table with an ice bucket and lemon wedges in a bowl. Lambert read off his phone screen.

"We will take a drink when: 

-David says 'Extraordinary' -David uses a clear understatement such as 'But then again, living in an active volcano is not without its risks' -An animal is being eaten -An animal is mating -There is sped up footage of a plant growing."

"Oh no," Essi lamented, chewing her popcorn ungracefully, "I'm going to get so drunk." 

"You got it, Goldilocks. Fill up."

And with that, they were off, taking it slow with their vodka twists, but nonetheless feeling the warm buzz start to tingle under their skin. The box of microwave popcorn was empty by halfway through, and the remains of Essi's exhaustion had almost dispersed entirely.

"Ooh! Understatement! Drink!!" 

By ten o’clock, pink-cheeked and feeling boisterous, they had finished with their favourite parts of Blue Planet, or at least the ones they had patience for, and had moved on to Planet Earth II.

“Holy fuck, that’s a lot of snakes—Go, you little fucker! Go!”

The drama on the screen had caused the two to separate from one another while Lambert invested himself in the success of the small lizard. Once the baby Galapagos Iguana had made it to safety, they were once again able to recline without Essi risking an elbow to the face.

She bundled against him, scooting farther between his legs where he leaned in the corner of the sectional. He gathered her hair and draped it over her left shoulder so it wouldn't get caught in his buttons—they'd learned that the hard way. It was still damp, cool to the touch, and smelled like verbena sea salt shampoo. He felt a pulse of affection ripple through him as her weight resettled. He loved that feeling. It had taken some time to get used to it. But now it was high on his list of favourite things. He was happy. And it was healthy. And that really was all that mattered. 

Right?

Eskel’s words turned themselves around again in his mind as he wrapped his arm around the front of Essi’s shoulders. He let himself indulge in the texture of her cotton knit nightshirt under his fingers. He relished in the peace of mind at being able to just be there with someone who meant something to him and made absolutely no demands. He let himself relax. 

Essi felt a kiss land on the top of her head with a playful, "Muwah!" 

She giggled quietly, "Thank you!" Then, upon further thought… Did he want to kiss her? Her mind did a double take as she tried to get on top of the ball.  

It wasn’t impossible. They were close after all, and she wasn’t opposed to the idea. She’d recently found herself in a balancing act of realizing she could, in theory, have a deeper kind of feeling for Lambert. Only if, for whatever reason, it turned out he felt the same way. These weren’t the helpless uncontrollable feelings of ride-or-die infatuation; they were malleable, translatable, general feelings of affection and fondness that belonged in any number of different relationships and dynamics. 

No sense risking it, she thought. They'd found a liminal space of comfort and safety that she'd never experienced with anyone else before, and if the options were between being a little confused and ruining everything, the choice was an easy one. Then again, if Lambert was developing feelings for her, she didn’t want to miss an opportunity. Shit. Her cheeks burned as she felt the question rise closer to her lips. 

"Lambert?" she sat up abruptly and turned to her friend who was still moulded into the corner of the couch, watching the mating rituals of exotic birds with bewildered skepticism. 

He jolted at Essi’s sudden movement, "Hello, yes." 

Her bright blue eyes were now slightly unfocused, "Do you—? Nevermind." She lay back against him, suddenly skittish..

"Mm, nah, try again," he said, sluggishly. "What’s up, buttercup?" 

She swayed a little when she sat up, "Are you happy with what we are?"

Lambert blinked, caught slightly off-guard. The question was easy enough to answer, "Yeah! I mean I don’t know what the fuck we are, but I’m feeling pretty good about it. Shit, why? Are you not? I can be less… whatever. Or… more?" It wasn’t like he was repulsed by the idea of anything else happening between them—in theory it was a possibility. In practice, however...

Essi put an emphatic hand on Lambert’s knee, her glassy eyes going wide, "Do you want more?" 

"What? No! I dunno, I—maybe. I haven’t really thought about it. I mean…” Lambert searched Essi’s face for any clue that might help him know how to proceed, “I don’t not want anything else. Fuck, I don’t know! I’m used to doing things the other way around. You know the drill: uncomfortable date, smoosh faces together, have sex, hope feelings fall out. Lather-rinse-repeat. I dunno, do we have to… But what if we try something and...? I don’t wanna lose this." 

Essi leaned in close and whispered, “I have an idea.”

"Why do I feel like I'm going to regret this?" 

"We should kiss."

Lambert nearly swallowed an ice cube, "What?!"

"Just once. Quickly. Just... in case." 

"You want me, Lambert, to kiss you, Essi Daven, on the lips."

She nodded sincerely, "For science."

There was a brief pause during which Essi felt the beginnings of panic brewing in her stomach, but by the time she'd finished grappling with potential consequences, Lambert was filling their glasses. 

"Alright. Fine. My friend wants me to kiss her for science? Fuck it. I'll drink to that." 

They downed their drinks and squared up, knee to knee on the edge of the sofa as they each prepared for their best form—or as good as they could offer given the circumstances. They counted down, 3-2-1...

The kiss was quick, over as soon as it had begun, and both friends pulled away with questioning looks. Inconclusive. They tried again for a little longer, still returning with the same quizzical expressions. They went in for a third time, committing more thoroughly, and for a brief moment it seemed they might have found the semblance of a spark. But it didn’t build. It felt… fine? But no different than if they were lying together on the sofa. It was just another thing they were doing. They each tried to find the right word for what they were feeling, but were soon distracted by the oddness of it all.   

Essi started to giggle. Less than a second later, Lambert joined her, and they both pulled away, thoroughly satisfied that their experiment had yielded a strong No on the subject of More. There was a dull thud as Essi slid from the couch and onto the floor, still holding her drink in one hand and laughing hysterically. 

Lambert sighed and shook his head, "I think it’s time we got you to bed."

Headaches and dry mouths greeted the two friends the next morning when they blinked awake. Essi’s hair was a cotton-candy mess, having still been slightly damp when Lambert put her to bed. The brunet himself didn’t look much different from his usual scruffy state as he gathered Essi up in an armful of duvet and squeezed tight.

“Gods, Lambert, I still need to breathe,” Essi chuckled, pressing her back into his chest. 

“You’ll get over it,” he teased and self-indulgently nuzzled even closer. “You feeling alright? I mean, aside from the hangover. About last night?” 

“Oh no,” Essi groaned, “I’m so sorry, Lambert. I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s just—you kissed my head and then that got me wondering about whether you might want something else, and then I didn’t really know what was happening and—” 

“Hey, easy on the rambling, okay, I’m running on limited brain cells, here. Look,” Lambert sat up to find those big blue eyes, now shining brightly, “I have no idea what the fuck this is that we’ve got going on, but I like it fine just the way it is.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. And we can keep talking about that. Just, you know, maybe next time something’s on your mind, don’t wait ‘til we’re wasted at 2am?”

“Okay, deal. Can we go get bacon now?”

Lambert chuckled, “Yeah, alright, fine. Make me put pants on, I see how it is.”

Their conversation continued over strong coffee and eggs benedicts. Between their check-in that morning and everything that had happened the previous night, it was well-established that they were perfectly happy where they were. Rather, the main topic of conversation was their growing desire to level with their friends about the nature of their relationship. Eskel and Geralt, they both agreed, would be the easiest—Lambert could tell them that evening. Julian and Essi’s friends on the other hand would be a little more difficult. 

Telling Julian together would be best, Essi thought. He was bound to have questions, and if both she and Lambert were there to answer them definitively and explain that no, they didn’t have secret feelings for one another; and yes, they really were just friends and not at all interested in exploring the relationship further thank you very much. Exactly when this discussion with Julian would occur still wasn’t clear. Realistically, they could pick any time, but they decided to wait until Lambert could tell the Old Men. At least then they were assured some less invasive support. 

Their reaction was easy enough to predict: Eskel reassuringly repeated his standby “As long as you’re both happy with things…” and twirled a forkful of pasta; Geralt tilted his head thoughtfully and said, “That sounds very nice. I’m happy for you.” Lambert had expected mild disapproval, concern that they were deviating too far from the norm and into a complex dynamic that would be too messy to manage. Instead, Geralt simply said it ‘sounded very nice.’ Lambert smiled into the open refrigerator on his way to get a beer. 

The following weekend was Julian’s birthday, and, as per their annual tradition, the group all gathered on Friday evening at the birthday boy’s favourite restaurant—Vegelbud’s. The two decided to tell him the week after his birthday so as not to detract from his Big 3-0. Just one more week, and it would all be in the open. Easy breasy.

The afternoon of the dinner, Eskel and Geralt received a group text: Haven’t told Julian the details yet. Keep the beans to yourselves please (I’m looking at you, @Eskel). 

“Why me?” Eskel turned to Geralt over his paperwork, looking a little hurt. 

Geralt chuckled, “You have a slight tendency to overshare when you want to be supportive.”

“I do?” He turned on the bar stool to follow his partner on the way upstairs.

“It’s not a bad thing, but…” Geralt sighed, “Lambert has always needed to feel in control of situations like this. He doesn’t want one of us bringing this up before he’s ready to talk about it, especially in a public place, you know how he gets when he feels cornered. And Julian is Essi’s cousin…”

Eskel raised a hand, “You’re right, you’re right. All points taken. Are you showering?”

Geralt smirked as he headed for the stairs, “Come on then.” 

Four hours later and halfway through dinner, everything had gone swimmingly. The food had been expectedly delicious, the company and conversation excellent, and so far no one had felt the need to bring up Essi and Lambert’s relationship on any level. That is until Julian got a few drinks under his belt, and decided it was time to document the occasion. Geralt and Eskel were the first victims. 

“Aww just look at you two! So in love, so vivacious and full of adoration,” Julian held up his phone as Geralt touched the side of his head to Eskel’s. Beep-Chk! A perfect image of a happy couple was captured and posted to Instagram (#julianturns30 #dinneratvagelbuds #dinnerout #cutiesofinstagram #favoriteotp #gaycouplesofinstagram #livelaughlove…). There were a few more photos of the three of them together, the white chocolate raspberry cheesecake with the candle in it, a group shot taken by the waiter. It was all so close to being over, Essi could practically taste the refuge of the streetcar. 

"Come on, lovebirds, show us a smooch!" Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no. Essi’s stomach lurched and she felt her cheeks start to warm. Lambert’s hand landed gently on her knee under the table, his fingers pressing firmly into her leg as she desperately tried to think of something to say. 

"Oh, um..." 

Across the table, Geralt and Eskel shared a wordless communication: de-escalate, distract, redirect.

“You’ll want to eat that cheesecake before it gets warm” Geralt offered. “I hear it’s so light it’ll disintegrate in a heartbeat.” Eskel nodded in encouragement, taking a bite of his own. 

“I know, I know,” Julian shrugged, “Just a quick one. Say Cheese!”

"Not right now, Julian," Essi tilted her head, her eyes flashing a little. 

"Oh come on, Poppet! I know you don't like PDA, it's just one little picture--"

“Don’t call me Poppet.”

Eskel cleared his throat loudly, "Doesn't seem they're that keen on it. Maybe let's try for one another time." 

"It's past your one-month-a-versary, let everyone see how in love you are." 

"Julian," Geralt growled, "leave it." 

Julian covered his mouth in alarm, "I’m so sorry, have you not used that word yet? I didn’t mean anything by it, I just want the world to see how happy my beautiful cousin is!" 

“Really Julian, it’s not necessary we—” Essi’s fingernails were starting to dig into Lambert’s palm from the sheer effort of maintaining composure. She wasn’t sure whether she wanted to cry or disappear, and with neither of those being an option, it seemed the only possible escape was for them to kiss. They’d done it before. No big deal. It would feel off, but they’d just go back to her place and drink about it after. 

“Essi, what’s the matter with you, it’s just one little picture, and we all know you’re not camera-shy. On three, ready? One, two…”

"For fuck's sake we're not dating!" 

The table all silently turned their attention to Essi whose cheeks had been turning progressively redder. 

“What?” Her cousin laughed incredulously. 

“We’re not a couple, Julian. We’re friends. We have been from the beginning, but we didn’t want to tell you because we knew you wouldn’t fucking leave us alone until you could boast about having set us up.”

Lambert shared a brief look with Eskel before lowering his eyes to the tablecloth, his hand still firmly clutched in Essi’s. 

Julian gaped, “So, it was all… the cuddling, the laughing, that time I came over and you were asleep on the couch, that was all… a ruse?” 

“No, Julian, that was real. I told you, we’re friends.”

“That’s not friends! Since when have friends watched a movie half-on-top of each other?” 

“Two people can enjoy each other's company lying flat, Julian,” Eskel’s rich voice interjected across the table and the discussion ground to a halt. 

Geralt shrugged with his tea at his lips, “It is the twenty-first century after all.”

Julian’s cornflower blue eyes flitted back and forth between the two friends, utterly bewildered. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Well what with your complete and utter invasion of privacy for the sake of hooking us up, we didn’t necessarily trust you to believe us,” Essi answered curtly, her hand shaking slightly. 

“Poppet, you could have just told me—”

“Stop. Calling me that. And I did tell you, Julian!” she exploded. “I told you the first day I moved here. The first. Day. I said, ‘Julian, I think I want to take a break from dating until I’ve been settled for a year.’ And what did you do? Conspired with my well-meaning former mentor to hook me up with someone I had one good conversation with at a Christmas party. And do you know what? We are happy. But we’re happy in our own way. And maybe our boundaries with each other seem a little strange to you, but we’re not fooling ourselves. We don’t want to kiss each other, we don’t want to have sex, and we don’t want a relationship. And even though it’s absolutely none of your damn business, I’ll tell you anyway: we’ve talked about it. All of it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I don’t think I want to be here anymore.” 

The chair legs scraped against the floor of the restaurant as Essi stood to leave, throwing her purse over her shoulder as she went. Lambert looked hesitantly around the table, “I should probably, you know…” He gestured after Essi with his thumb. Eskel gave Lambert the go ahead and he quickly stood to follow his friend out of the restaurant, leaving a very stunned Julian with the other two. He found her perched on the parking barrier in the small lot to the left of the front doors. He called to her and she looked up. Eyes shining, mascara running... 

“Ah shit, you know I’m no good with this kind of thing.” 

“I’m sorry, Lambert, I just—” she blew her nose, “—he just wouldn’t stop and I didn’t know what to do or say, and it all just came pouring out. I didn’t want it to. The whole time I was begging myself to stop, but I just couldn’t, it’s been bottled up for so long and-and—but it’s his birthday, and—oh, he must feel so awful! I didn’t want to make him feel bad, but—and with Eskel and Geralt there too! They must think I’m horrible! I’m so sorry, Lambert, I didn’t want it to be like this, I wanted to have him over and sit him down and be patient, and instead I’ve just made a complete mess of things. And on his birthday! It’s his birthday, oh God, this is the worst thing I could have done.” Essi choked back bitter tears as she tried desperately to stem the flow with her soggy tissue, “Are you upset with me, Lambert? If you are, I understand. Maybe we should take a break of some kind, you know. Not see each other for a while and—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it right there. Look, I’m probably not going to say any of the right stuff here, but I am absolutely not upset with you. You got that? And for what it’s worth, I don’t think us taking a break from spending time together is going to do anything. Unless you’re looking to punish yourself by taking away a nice thing which, okay. But the fact that you’re willing to ditch me instead of Arbor Mist says something about our friendship I’m not too pleased with.” 

Essi turned her wide, pleading, bloodshot eyes to Lambert who cracked a smile, “Jesus, I’m kidding! You adorable fucking mess, c’mere.” He pulled his petite friend into a hug and rested his chin on the top of her head until she quieted down. Neither of them was quite sure how much time had gone by, but Essi found herself wishing it had been long enough for everyone to have gone home so she didn’t have to face whatever aftermath she’d left behind. 

Meanwhile, Eskel and Geralt had settled the bill and offered to give Julian a lift back to their place for a night cap, not wanting to leave the evening on such an unsettled note. Essi needed space, and whatever company she needed, Lambert was clearly capable of providing. It was for the best, they suggested, and dissuaded Julian from trying to call her. 

“Best to sleep on things,” Geralt said, tucking his card back into his wallet and giving the waiter a nod in gratitude. “We can meet for coffee this weekend and sort this out. For now, just let her cool down.” 

Eskel clapped Julian encouragingly on the shoulder as they made their way into the damp summer night air. As they turned into the parking lot, they came face-to-face with Essi and Lambert who had clearly just turned to come back inside. Both cousins looked like they had seen better days: Essi’s eyes were puffy and red, her cheeks blotchy and streaked with inky makeup stains; Julian was perhaps less dishevelled, but the dark circles under his eyes were more pronounced, his boyish features now dejectedly weighted down with remorse and hurt. 

“Juian, I’m so sorry, I didn’t—” 

Essi’s cousin raised his hand, “Don’t. Please don’t. Essi, I am so, so sorry. I never meant to push you like that, I didn't realize... you both have been so happy this last month and—"

"It's okay, really, we can talk about this all another time. I'm just so sorry I ruined your birthday. We wanted to sit down with you and talk properly but..." Essi's tears welled up again, and Julian smiled weakly. 

"But we both did what we always do?"

She sniffed, nodding emphatically with a tearful, "Yeah.” Julian pulled his cousin into a fond embrace while the other three clumped together to watch the reconciliation. 

“Oh! Here,” Essi reached into her purse and pulled out a small, neatly-wrapped box. “Happy birthday!” 

Julian opened his gift without a second thought, his face brightening instantly. The box contained a set of premium ultra-light guitar strings and a pair of concert tickets. The perfect gift. Overwhelmed with gratitude, and the atmosphere having been recovered, Julian suggested they all attend brunch together that Sunday morning, his treat by way of apology. Geralt offered to split the bill as a peace offering for his part in the initial setup, and the five made a date. 

A fresh start, a promise of spending time together with fewer secrets and, Julian conceded, a few more boundaries. 

#witcher rarepair summer bingo #wrsb #Platonic #queerplatonic #no romo #Geralt/Eskel #Essbert #Gereskel #Jaskier #Julian Alfred Pankratz #alcohol #drunkenness #Essi & Lambert #Essi Daven #Lambert

[yuvon-writes-letters]

Hey guys,

Yu, Rai and both Jakes.

Actually..If I talk about my feelings I'm pretty well. Don't tell Jake I said that, but I couldn't be happier about our situation. I mean, we can talk again. Without me being kidnapped and finding a weird Tumblr profile of him. (Which we think was a set up by one of the entities of my world since he obviously doesn't have one. Jake thinks it was goldies doing, I on the other hand don't believe that. Don't ask me why, but it feels like goldie wouldn't do that. And it didn't help me either but only made problems. I was distracted because I was writing the profile (you read it, right Yu? I don't know about the others) and angry. Like, really angry.)

Putting that aside, Jake called me, like he promised :) And it was the longest phone call I had for some time. Most of the time I talked and he didn't get distracted once, just listened to me and everything that happened. And then he started cursing, which is kind of understandable. He apologised for being into stasis. And for this other version from before the 'time setting back' thing. Because I don't find a name I'll call it TSB from now on.

The only problem I have now is going to work, I guess I'll take me some vacation...But at least I'm not as scared of the raven-ass anymore. I mean, I still am, but in the moment I know his steps. And I am not alone.

Jake, I intentionally write the next part in red, please don't read it. That's for Yu.

I know you think that Jake sees you as a threat. If it still is like you wrote in the letter. Jake knows that, too and he doesn't like it. You know him better than I do, of course, but without saying too much...I think it's quite the opposite. Talk to him about that. Even though it's probably not the best circumstances I think he enjoys being with you :)

The next part, purple (damn, I need more coloured pens), is for you Jake.

You already told me that you don't like that Yu thinks you see her as a threat. I only have to say one thing, if it still is like that, talk to her about it. Earlier than later.

The new thoughts about the blood ritual are really interesting. But please don't put yourself in this danger (or not, but I think it's understandable what I mean?) if it isn't necessary. But I also agree with Rai, I thought the same thing for a while. That you desired having someone, Jake, with you. It sounds plausible.

What more was there...Wait, let me reread the letters.

Oh yeah, Rai! One, till now my crow crew seems to still be in stasis (Jake realised that now, too) and two..Please try to take care of your health, yeah? I'm worried for you.

Lis🐾🔥

Ps. Damn...I'm writing this exactly when I wanted to leave the house (I mean, I sadly cannot hide my face forever).

Two new things...I got a message. I mean, it was a threat (because I am the obviously the bad girl that kidnapped Hannah), but I don't care. Maybe that means the stasis is slowly dissolving!

But number 2...I didn't get the vacation. My boss called me almost immediatly. "Under no circumstances [a word is blacked out] Liska. We have July and Alice, Tim and Jenny all want to take free time, too. You are one of our best workers and we can't afford you leaving now. You have no children so you have to wait. Also Max told me that you don't have any problems in family."

So long story short: He wants me to be there tomorrow. Argh, if he would pay me like he's talking that would awesome. And I'll kill Max when I see him next time. (My cousin that thought it was fun to try and steal my work so we both got the rank of 'one of the best workers'. The only problem: Max' title is official. -.- Overall, I'm so much more annoyed than some time earlier. Maybe I should ask Jake for help

Lis,

Okay, the Crow Crew drama is fading a bit, so I'll answer this now. Sorry if I seem disjointed at all, I'm probably going to be going back and forth from conversations to this letter a lot. I can't afford to have them all think I'm compromised, I need to focus on getting out of here and I don't want to deal with their pressure on top of everything else.

Yeah, I don't think the Tumblr profile was Goldie either. Goldie seems to try to be very much a "hands off" sort of entity, like my own. The Tumblr profile thing seems a little out of character for at least my Jake. At least, publicly answering your submission certainly was, though he may have panicked since you sent it in on anon and answered publicly without really thinking about it. I guess I could see him having a Tumblr profile for purposes of following people on social media and watching what they post, though. And then deciding he likes the media and posting a little bit of impersonal things that can't lead back to him. Probably my Jake will say something about that when I hand this letter over to him, stay tuned.

Yeah, I at least read some of the things you sent that profile, and I showed what I had to my Jake too. I'm not sure if I read all of it, since it was a bunch of printed-out screenshots in an envelope, but I read the ask where you told him you hated him (fair at that point but ouch that's got to have hurt) up to when you said you'd found Hannah. After that you sent me your letter telling me time had turned back and the Tumblr screenshots ended.

I'm glad you and Jake managed to talk things out. I was sort of worried about how he'd react, but it sounds like he took it pretty well, considering. I'm... not exactly sure he should be apologizing for the stasis, though. Or the TSB!Jake. Maybe especially not the TSB!Jake. Jakes seem to be oddly different from timeline to timeline, just based on what I've seen of them. TSB has been one of the most different so far.

Oh. One thing I should mention that you might not have seen from the profile: The MWAF used your phone to mock the TSB account, and mentioned that TSB wasn't the only person who could hack, and the MWAF blocked TSB from finding your location. Might want to warn your Jake about that.

A vacation sounds like a good idea :/ It's really hard to go back to normal life right after tragedies or trauma. It feels like the world keeps moving on and you're still stuck in place, and you just want to scream at them that they need to slow down, can't they see that the world is

Good. I'm glad you don't feel alone. It's easier to deal with this stuff when you're with someone else, even if it's not physically.

(Jake, my Jake I mean, if you're reading over my parts of these letters skip to the ||| now please.) I'm not saying he doesn't also enjoy my company. I can tell he does. That doesn't make me not a threat. Like how early on I suspected Thomas, but still thought he was a nice guy and enjoyed talking to him. (Obviously I don't suspect him any more XD ) Still, if you think I should talk with him about it, I'll try to find a tactful way to bring it up.

Yes, because obviously tact is my greatest strength. Sigh.

Like I said to Rai, the underlying desire thing is definitely possible. That'd either mean I'm more obvious about how I feel for Jake than I think I am (very possible, I'm not great at hiding how I feel in person) or the entity has some level of telepathy/mind reading. The reason is that chessboard. Since Jake likes chess, it's clear at least to me the entity expected him to come here at some point. I THINK, if the underlying desire thing is true, I can manipulate myself into wanting specific things by doing things like writing it over and over and repeating it out loud when doing the ritual, but I'm not sure.

|||

It's probably good that your Crow Crew is in stasis, like how it's objectively probably good my outside life is going on without me. Less drama, less pressure.

Huh. The harassment is definitely a promising sign. Maybe you should try contacting Darkness again, same way as I suggested near the beginning? That feels so long ago, but it really can't have been much more than a week, can it?

You... didn't get the vacation. Fucking hell. Is there ANY way you can convince your boss? You really should have time off. Maybe your Jake can help you come up with ideas.

Or at least maybe he can come up with a way to have your boss give you a bonus for your trouble -_-

Oh shit Cleo's interrogating me I'm gonna hand this to Jake now

(The handwriting changes to Jake's.) Hello, Lis.

I agree with Yuvon: "TSB" acts markedly different from myself. There would be no benefit from me promising to be there to find you in the moment, and indeed I would have been falling for a very transparent trap. Even in my possible state of panic, I cannot see myself being there physically, much less revealing myself physically to authorities in the process, unless I was playing the role of bait in a counter-trap. While it is plausible that this was TSB's plan, TSB gave no indication that Yuvon or I could tell that this was the case. Of course, I would have done my best to be there physically in the aftermath of the kidnapping, but not in the moment.

I also agree that the Tumblr profile seems to be out of character for both myself and for "Goldie", though I hesitate to judge TSB's actions by what I myself would do. I seem to vary in surprising ways across universes and even from timeline to timeline, based solely on your current Jake's reactions thus far. I do actually own a Tumblr profile for the exclusive purpose of following social medias I wish to track, but I used a random username generator website for the username and not my own name, and I certainly never posted anything.

The news about the MWAF being able to hack is new to me; I must have missed that the first time I read through the screenshots. That is quite troubling. I suppose I will need to be more careful in future.

I am sincerely sorry your request for a vacation was rejected. I do not know how much you intend to separate your personal life and the Duskwood case, but if your stasis is truly wavering, you may be able to reveal some measure of the danger you are in to convince him to let you flee the area for a small while. Especially since you mentioned in your Tumblr post that you saw a raven note in your wor

Oh.

You need to leave that place. Now. Do not inform your employer of the danger you are in, reveal nothing to him or to anyone, take unpaid time off if you need to. Get your cousin and anyone else you care overly much about out of there too. Invalidate any information you can your employer or coworkers knows about you. Do not tell the truth to anyone, even your cousin. Make up any excuses you need to, ask your Jake for help with ideas if you need to. You may also wish to check that the coworkers your boss listed who are going on vacation are ACTUALLY going on vacation.

This is a priority, Liska. You need to tell your Jake all of this too, especially the part with the note in your workplace. You need to get out of there.

Good luck.

—Jake & Yuvon

(The letter tucks itself into the paper clip with the others.)

#duskwood letter game #yuvon writes letters #duskwood #duskwood game #duskwood everbyte #duskwood jake #lis