#I'm fortunate/unfortunate enough that I get paid to commute

[collegecoward]

Hi! So I'm a senior in high school and I've gotten all my decisions by now but I'm freaking out? I feel trapped by the options that I do have especially cause tuition is so high everywhere but even more so I'm realizing that I'm scared to grow up and move out? When I was applying, I was so excited and confident but now that it's happening, I'm terrified and not ready and kinda just want to default to my state school which I was earlier determined not to go to. Any mental health/misc advice?

Wrapping up this semester has been chaos, but I wanted to get to this question before Decision Day, May 1st! I’m so sorry for the delay, friend. This is a great question that deserves a great answer. I’m sorry if I’m getting to this after you’ve already submitted your intent to enroll, but some of this should still be helpful!

What you’re experiencing is, unfortunately, increasingly normal. I have been in the same situation, and I’m graduating from college in two weeks. You are going to be okay!

There are a couple of things to unpack here:

“I feel trapped by the options I do have.”

You are not trapped. You are not trapped. I felt this way when I was graduating high school, and there’s so much to be said for the way high school (and our society in general) reinforces an unhelpful narrative for many prospective college students.

“Tuition is so high everywhere.”

This is so on the nose. I’m graduating with only $12,000 of student loan debt. How?

I spent two years at community college (half was paid for by my parents, half by scholarships);

I worked part-time all four years;

I constantly applied for scholarships;

I was fortunate enough to have some money saved up by myself;

I chose the university that would be the best deal for me financially;

I made smart day-to-day financial decisions;

I did things that would help me get scholarships, like participating in well-funded extracurriculars, earning great grades, writing long personal essays about myself, and searching for scholarships through the internet and people I knew.

And yes, I’ll still have debt. But it’s all federal loans, and I’ve paid off some of them to get down to $12,000. Please visit my scholarships and community college tags!

“I’m scared to grow up and move out?”

This is not the last decision you will make in your life. This is not the moment when you suddenly need to be an Adult. Yes, moving out and doing adulty things is scary, but college does have a structure to it. There are support systems for you to use there, and you should use them. 

You may feel like you’re making this huge leap into independence, and this is sort of true, but your journey toward independence will still be gradual. I stayed in the dorms for the first year of university, even though I came in as a junior. It was more expensive, but I felt safer and less intimidated about moving out.

I thought I was officially moving out, and I literally went out of the country for a few months after that. But guess what? I’m commuting from my parents’ house again. For you, moving out might be permanent, or it might not be. Talk to your parents about this. My parents called me while I was in school just to see how I was, and I could ask them for help if I really needed to.

“I just want to default to my state school which I was earlier determined not to go to.”

I refused to go to my state school and ended up at its sister school instead. If you haven’t already submitted your intent to enroll, I would recommend that you ask yourself why you don’t want to go there and why you’re thinking of going instead! 

Compare those schools’ location, cost, academics (for your intended major especially), social life (e.g. is one of them a commuter school? are you interested in greek life?), and opportunities like research and internships, etc.

Going to your state school isn’t wrong, and you shouldn’t feel bad for doing it. But try not to limit yourself if you don’t have to!

“Any mental health/misc advice?”

Gosh, yeah. It feels like you’re my past self, so I’m going to tell you what I’d tell me. If something doesn’t work out, remember that it’s not your fault. I’m so serious about this. For example, if you go to your state school or a community college or you take a gap year, remember that this whole process isn’t just about the choices you make.

As you enter the “Real World,” you will find that some things are beyond your control, and you will need to make decisions from a limited array of options. You will talk to people who misunderstand you, who don’t seem to see you. You may already feel this way about college admissions committees, and this may make you feel bad sometimes. You may get the wrong information and only learn later that you could’ve theoretically done something else. You are not alone. You are not powerless just because you don’t have all the power. You will learn and grow and that will be good. Hell, it’s already happened, and in some ways you’re better for it.

Chin up. Look forward. Take a deep breath. Let your shoulders down. The options you have do not define the person you are; they only define the circumstances you’re in.

Please do reach out with any questions you have going forward, and visit my mental health tag for more! You can get a college education. It may happen the way you envision it, or it may not. Either way, you should be proud of yourself.

#college #studyblr #uni #university #appblr #apply #mental health #anxiety