#Im calling myself out rn heLP

[amberluvsbugs]

Pov: Sun and moon find out you are touch-starved

Bonus:

#Im calling myself out rn heLP #CRYING SOBBING REARRANGING FURNITURE #fnaf sun #fnaf moon #fnaf #fnaf daycare attendant #My persona #Sketches

[kithj]

Hey, hope you're doing well! Had a couple questions for you if they're not too personal:

1. Whats your favourite story you've written so far? Is it something public? Is it finished?

2. Do you have any long form non-interactive fiction you've written that's available to read? I would genuinely kill to read something like that from you

hi :-) ohh these are fun...

my favorite story is probably My NovelTM which isn't finished yet, i've written a first draft and now it's just been languishing until i can find the motivation to start a second draft. i finished the first draft in august i think, and started editing it pretty heavily before i realized i was just going to have to rewrite the whole thing again. i'm mostly having trouble with the ending, which always seems to be my problem lmfao... anyways it follows the relationship of Angel and Valerie, after Valerie has been missing for a few months and suddenly returns as a vampire with no memory of Angel or what happened over the months while she was away. it alternates between both their povs in both present day and through flashbacks.

so unfortunately for your second question, no, but i do hope to publish Angel and Valerie's story one day, either traditionally through a small press (lol here's hoping) or by self-publishing it. otherwise my only published work is what's available on my itch.io (siren's call, one day hike, etc)

i am working on a short story for vampire jam, which i'll hopefully be sharing next month. it's still in the form of interactive fiction, published in twine, but it's more of a short story than anything like blood choke or tnp. i also have a butch cowboys and zombies story i've been working on for a while, but i'm not sure when i'll get around to finishing it since it's not a priority project.

i do want to write another novel as well, a very old story i've been kicking around for years, but as usual i haven't been able to come up with an ending for it... but maybe one day.

#one thing that amazes me abt published authors is just. the way they churn out books #how do they have so many ideas.... esp when their stories are so varied #i feel like my work is very one note lmfao one day hike & blood choke & hell's holler& even my vampjamp story& the cowboy story #are all very similar. it makes me feel self conscious tbh like im just writing the same thing over and over #but whatever it's what i need to write rn to keep myself sane even if it's all jsut sad lesbians LOL #i tell myself it's helping me refine the narrative i want to perfect in hell's holler (the novel) #idk i would like to write something more happy eventually #like i want to write a YA book. everyone brace yourselves but i want to write a historical fiction during the early 2000s/2010s #it sounds silly to call it historical fiction but like. it would be #around when gay marriage was legalized in the US & the lead up to it #as well as political/cultural attitudes in the US during that time post 9/11. through a high schooler's perspective #think something like the old american girl doll stories when they were actually historical and educational rather than nostalgia bait #yes i AM bitter about the 90s twins why do you ask #anyways. yeah 👍 #ask #sproongoose

[izzy-b-hands]

Brain says wamt write, but I open writing program and words go away

what fuck

#text post #full disclosure i struggled so hard to fall asleep last night i wound up sleeping on my floor post T shot #bc i couldn't convince myself I'd earned a shower (i took it just recently after waking up instead tho) or to lay in my bed #and all i want is to get any of the ideas I've been having down on the page concretely #or to finish one of my drafts and post it #or to get the stuff I've only posted here up on my ao3 too #however i work later today and rn my body hurts and my brain is once again on the kick of 'lets think abt all ur traumas at once' #so i fear i am not going to be as productive as i want #if i get thru my shifts and can help Housemate get some dinner squared away I'll call it a win for today #i feel like I'm keeping the bar too low for myself but whenever i put it higher i wind up not meeting it one hundred percent #and then i just feel terrible so. idk. im trying. once again. day in day out #really just wanna go hide in the midwifery charge au but alas i cannot merge myself into a fictional universe #but maybe tomorrow i can get some writing done for it

[jentlemahae]

-

#okay i need to vent a second #im literally heartbroken rn #this friend of mine just told me that she feels that ‘our friendship is starting to revolve around me’ bcs i asked her to help me once with #wheelchair practice and i was late to a meet up once and i am genuinely without words rn #like she’s been late multiple times and i’ve always let it go bcs i don’t think it’s that big of a deal but im late once and suddenly im an #awful friend #and yeah i need some more accommodations than most people but i feel like it’s obvious why #and to say that it weighs on u is genuinely cruel to me #cause i always try to make myself smaller so i dont bother people and u know that very well so to call me a weight is the cruelest thing #and she said that she feels like our friendship now is just about me discovering the world and her just being there #an insane thing to say when she knows how hellish these past years have been for me and how now im finally able to go out #it’s like am i not allowed to be happy? #i am so sad but also so angry #also the fact that she sent me this when she knows i’ve just started uni and im so stressed and overwhelmed is just beyond me #like does she even like me? does she care about me? she claims she does and then does this like wth #and i dont wanna be a bad friend and maybe she’s right and i am but im trying my best here #and im always there for her when she needs me so i dont get why she’s trying to make it seem like im not #like idek how to answer her #this is really not what i needed rn

[sdfckz]

new job is so fucking hard but im Adjusting. im Adjusting......its really lucrative and worth it in the long run and ik that. new place doesnt feel quite like home yet but its so beautiful and fancy and nice, like TOO fancy and beautiful and nice. it feels like a hotel lmao. i keep thinking "i wanna go home" while sitting at home. feel restless and exhausted at the same time. change is always just hard even if its objectively for the better..............but challenges create growth etc etc etc and the job really pushes me out of my comfort zone so thats a good thing. gotta try n get used to more things that are difficult for me. objectively a rlly good job theres nothing bad about it except that its not what i wanna do in the longrun. ik im in the right place for right now. my best friends are about to have a baby soon too and they moved in right downstairs. gonna be my sisters bridesmaid. we're building more on the property. its really beautiful in the summer, theres lightning bugs everywhere u look and the stars are so bright. camping there is great. everythings okey.

#growing and changing for the better as usual. taking b12 has helped with the bad summer moodiness i get too. #im lost though........i wish i had clarity about what direction to go from here #gonna buy a car soon bc i can afford it... #but then what. idk what makes me happy #i dread every single job #i miss my old coffee shop job because that place really really felt like home to me #i could do every single thing backward forwards and with my eyes shut #not being perfect and knowing everything at my new job is making me feel kind of insecure #i just want the dust to settle so i can feel normal again. i did SO well this past year and now im facing discomfort again #but ive gotta accept it and just live with it. n thats what im doing #i got so upset that i called out for a week straight but after that i just accepted it and now its fine im just going forward #and its gotten easier. and its gonna keep getting easier as i adapt #my life has so much potential right now its extremely overwhelming. and making decisions for myself and myself only is crazy #but its also awesome because i CHOOSE to change. i couldve stayed at my old job but i left because i wanted more #i couldve stayed in chinatown but i wanted more and i created the change i wanted to see #i used to be so afraid of change and its still so scary but now i fully know that i have the power and control to create the life i want #i have total personal power and enough confidence in myself to embrace change #even though its so uncomfortable and scary #im genuinely proud of myself for the first time ever #ik it sounds corny and like im trying super hard to sound positive but thats the only thing getting me through this shit rn #im doing well and struggling at the same time #just pushing myself forward whether i like it or not

[shimp-heaven]

#want him. badly. miyoni akita my beloved #hes $15 and $15 too expensive for us rn lol but hopefully ill be able to get him soon!!! #i have a snaps application so maybe thatll help ease the financial burden a little bit #im home from the hospital btw. worst 28 hours of my life #there was a guy screaming at the nurses and calling them the n word and the t slur and threatening to attack ppl #i wasnt allowed to close my door and this happened in the room next to mine #they eventually had to sedate him #but it was bad even leaving that part out #they said they gave me a medication they never did #they never called my mental health team like at all. libby had to tell my therapist i was in the hospital #theyre supposed to keep you a minimum of 72 hours but let me go next day #the only book that wasnt like the last book in a series that i havent read was fucking nuts #had two graphic suicides in the first chapter then had child r*pe in it like graphically #i didnt really go watch the tv in the lobby cause of that guy #so i sat in a tiny room with no windows and just laid there #the first psychiatrist i saw was evil like questioned all my diagnosis and told me i shouldnt have ptsd from chikdhood issues #like it shouldnt still be effecting me #she also tried to take away my plushie but the nice nurses stood up for me so i got to keep moonmoon with me #ive been really not myself since i got out #ive been really angry and short tempered #i have nightmares about being in a cage #if im being completely honest i almost think i feel worse now then i did before #but im just going to keep it all to myself cause i never ever want to go back #so if anyone asks im feeling much better and im perfectly fine :) lol

[audiovisualrecall]

I'm sorry I don't get why it matters if my team dusts the tops of the platforms the orchids sit on when no one can see the tops of the platforms unless they're stupidly tall, and especially when the stupid floor polishers and general maintenance literally push dust and dirt and debris down from the Cafe area onto those platforms every single day. 'It should be easy to do' okay then, you do it then. I said 'we're trying' because it is impossible to keep up with bc if we haven't done that day's dusting yet when store leadership get step stools and peer at the platform tops to see if we've cleaned they obvs will look dirty, and bc ive either been out sick, doing inventory, or HELPING YOUR DEPARTMENT for the past 2 weeks. Sorry yeah I have '3 full time tms' in floral but even when all 3 of us are here u don't LET ME HAVE ALL 3 OF US! And if a day is me and one tm, and I'm sick/unable to come in,then it's just the one tm doing everything, or if they call out and it's just me, etc - how is one person supposed to do EVERYTHING and Not go overtime or take their break late??? Ffs. And again, recently I've been in produce more often than floral. Yeah 'helping' ok but if I said we couldn't bc we have to dust the p.o.p areas u'd be annoyed to say the least..........

#wish id called out today. i dont feel well (cramps+what happened last night) but came in anyway bc i wanted to do my job and all i get are #'sorry cant help' and then u have time to criticize me and my team anyway like. #and pointing out that we only do 1500/day at most in sales usually like ....okay. and??? #why does that matter? #is it a small department? yes. does that mean the work is easy? no #I'm angry at myself for not job hunting months ago tbh #bc its easy to say I'll just stay and switch to their health insurance come my bday and itll b fine #but itll be harder to leave then. and I'll have way more anxiety abt losing my job/getting fired once i Need it #but its a bad time rn to job hunt #between dental stuff and gastro problems and anxiety and depression #plus dad's situation #and im terrible at interviews. its literally the main obstacle for me getting a different job imo #but I'm tired of being expected to work miracles #also yes its dumb that this is over some dusting but it is Not easy bc u cant just dust. #even if we do it every day the stuff that falls on the surfaces is not always easily removed

[devilfruitdyke]

finals week has me acting unwise in general

#this shit brings out the worst in people lmfao #normally im like a decently chill guy #last chem class i had an anxiety attack this chem class i called myself ugly right tf out loud and then i was like wait what #bro we're supposed to keep the insecurities kinda lowkey. dont even say 'im ugly' they either baby you or agree #this is where id put a skull emoji but im on a laptop rn #im like hey everyone does anyone wanna hear about how i literally dont have the option to get vitamin d because i get ready and go ... #... to school as the sun rises and get home from extracurriculars as the sun sets. or we can like look at memes #tomorrow tho i get to display some art and be helpful and lift stuff #im butch thats like crack to me.

[toastsnaffler]

when the post workout worldcrushing depression hits 🤪

#cried for a solid 20 mins in the shower still sniffling now... im not even sad abt anything specific just been hit with an emotional train #its so weird bc ive been feeling less depressed than usual this last week so it feels so out of the blue #but just happens sometimes while/after i work out. who tf knows why #it makes me feel so stupid bc i love exercising + moving it helps me sleep and eat better and feel more confident in myself #and i get a strong sense of achievement from the things it allows my body to do and its a social thing for me too just so many benefits #but i NEVER fucking get the mood benefit its usually a neutral thing and then sometimes its like this what the FUCK is wrong w me #its like my brain just releases the wrong chemicals in response to it or smth idfk #whatever i guess. ill feel better in a bit #UGHHHHH AND NOW SOMEONE FROM A JOB JUST TEXTED ME. GIRL ITS 6:30PM CANT IT WAIT FOR TOMORROW :^/ #bet its just for another rejection call. i dont wanna fucking do this right now #crawling into a hole in the ground to die whatever i need to make dinner #.diaries #.vent #urgh!!!!!!!!!! #ok fine its fine im fine. ill eat and then reply and make this call if i really have to rn or schedule it for tmr #and then go and lie in bed and listen to the national and cry myself to sleep early yayyyy #👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

[ouchhq]

venting :-) sorry

#sh tw !! #i am so tired of my mother #last time i saw my therapist i talked about how she drives me insane but still i feel so guilty for getting mad at her because i know she #has issues and literally can not reason but i get so frustrated and exhausted #she took like 9 days off of work to ‘take care of me’ (her words) after my surgery and i didnt ask her to do one thing all these days excep #help me make food and come up with stuff for me to eat bc of my diet rn and thats all #she has been doing her thing all these days like literally just sleeping on the couch and going out with her friends and going shopping and #only made me food herself once (1) in over a week #and i didnt say anything bc i know i cant say anything to her if i dont want to get her to start screaming but today i couldnt take it #i was painting all morning because i am extremely stressed and anxious to make a fucking portfolio to find some work and idk what they thin #i do in my room all day probably sleep but i dont !! im up until 1:30 am working every day even now despite having just had my jaw cut into #pieces and stitched back together #and she went out to the post office for me for a second and then spent the rest of the morning shopping and came back at 12 and had the #audacity to get mad because i hadnt made any food for myself or for anyone else yet #when i literally called her just minutes before to ask her instructions on how to prepare a certain soup for myself and she told me to wait #because she was gonna do it instead #like ??????? #and when i told her i had been busy working all morning and that the whole point of her being home from work was that she said she was gonn #make stuff for me she started screaming like an insane person that i was accusing her and it wasnt fair and i was mean and rude and that sh #does EVERYTHING for me and im ungrateful #and when i say my stomach sinks to the floor every time i hear her yelling #it is ingrained into my brain #i have nightmares about her tantrums and her yelling #im so tired #and it always ends with me getting the urge to hurt myself and i want to cry but i cant because my face hurts when i cry and i am not #allowed to blow my nose bc of my surgery so im just here. swallowing all of this once again

[stillhaventgotmydriverslicense]

I'm thinking about u a little more than everyday today

#ive spent the whole year fixing myself #welding back pieces i was holding together with tape and glue #but im so scared I'll try to make new friends again and they'll turn out like u #even worse they might see the cracks #i was watching girl meets world with sam today #i used to be riley #i was riley #now i feel like im evil #i dont have a maya rn #i do have friends who'd love to be her #who'd love to help #but i feel like the word 'mopey' is tattooed on my forehead #i cant believe u called me the mopey one even after everything u said to me #i trusted u #and u shattered it #and now i cant trust anyone

[extervus]

There's been literally so much goin on in my brain lately vis a vis [THE TOPIC] with just so much debate and dilemma and analysis and turmoil and I'm so sick of it that I've gotten to the point where I'll have a thought related to [THE TOPIC] and I'll just respond in my own brain with this

#shut up max #theres like nothing i can really do about it except just distract myself #working yesterday helped me think things through a lot and i was looking forward to working today for the same reason #plus Tuesdays is when my work bestie usually works with me #but a) im pretty sure one of the managers today is a guy i actively dislike and b) i think my work bestie was scheduled off today #so i called in with coverage lmao #so now im just gonna organize boxes in the basement to get my mind off it #my next course of action for [THE TOPIC] is to get advice from friends. but i wanna do it in person and my best friend is out of town rn #theres one other friend whose advice i want on it as well but idk how to come about asking him #anyways whatever man i gave up ages ago

[rotund-spheal]

absolutely wild what self-compassion can do to you

#spheal rolls out #i feel just. so much lighter. and less bad #apparently hating myself and calling myself worthless 25/7 does NOT in fact make things better #makes things suck more actually #but now here i am able to breathe a little easier b/c i'm not against me anymore i'm on my side #it's not always easy some days are hard #like. stupid hard. like good god #but at least i'm not cursing my existence while the bs is happening b/c that doesn't help the situation at all #and not only that but it's helped me be more comfy in my own skin too #this and transing my gender for sure #sitting here in my shorts w/ and crop top thinking god damn. #everyone on this campus must desire me carnally. #smndhbygtdfvyvBGSHVDGVD #not to turn this into a Going Through It post but yeah lmao #it's just!!!! so new!!! feeling good in my own skin!!! #hair peaking out from my shorts and b/c i think that's the hottest fucking thing anyone can do on the planet #now im thinking and feeling fucking hot too!! #AT THE SAME TIME: my hotness is slowly being untied from my self-worth thank CHRIST #so just b/c i think i'm big sexy rn that doesn't increase or decrease my worth as a human #and i just think that's neat!!