#Look I know I'm nobody and I barely ever post. But fuck dude

[ethopostingnow]

I'm a shit tagger so I'm not gonna delete shit bc it's too much work but officially exiting the qsmp sphere. As a staunch believer in workers rights, I can't stand for worker exploitation and I'm sorry but ain't no way Quackity didn't know. That money for the server comes out of his account. Gross.

#em rambles #Look I know I'm nobody and I barely ever post. But fuck dude #quackity neg #qsmp neg #< for people with black lists who don't wanna see it #Bruh I had to change my NAME #He was my favorite but there's no way. No way that he isn't responsible. That he can come up with an actual way out #There is no excuse or reason in the world to make up for that. #Also didn't like the way he handled the 'controversies' (crimes) before and his lack of statement about Wil #But as the header says I ain't very active

[nothing0fnothing]

NEWSFLASH for abusive parents: NO Pussy is that good.

Exactly no one in the history of ever has had a happy, healthy, loving relationship with their mum and gone no contact with them for seven years, just because their partner asked them to.

OP knows this better than anyone, because she knew to tell her son not to get involved when she found out the girlfriend was no contact with her own toxic parents. She gives no other reason why she didn't want her "genius" son to meet the "very smart and nice" Law undergrad girl he was in love with, because that was the only one. She didn't want her son to connect with other adults who are healthily and happily no contact from their own abusive family members, because she didn't want him to see it was possible.

She really wants us to beleive that she is such a victim, because her son picked an "outsider to the family" over her. Her sons girlfriend is the person she's decided is going to take the blame, and hell will freeze over before she considers blamimg the relationship breakdown on literally anyone else. Note how she breezes past telling us about her sons "accusations" of her. She's stressing that he'd never brought the issues up before he met the girl when he was in college, but never actually denies them. Considering her son and his girlfriend described her as a "criminal", I'm gonna just assume that if it was trivial, she'd have told us what she's been accused of. He didn't choose his girlfriend over his mum at all. With all the pot stirring and projecting she's admitted to doing in this post alone, it seems to me he chose himself over her. With the way she's deflecting like it's her job and rents due, I don't blame him.

Here's a take that might be controversial: stalking... is bad. Even.. if you get someone else to do it for you.

"I had to use one of those search services" (What these psycho parents call private investigators, because it sounds more like they were searching for someone missing than that they paid someone to stalk their target.) as if her being out of pocket, paying for someone to seek out a person who clearly does not wish to be found, was super fucking inconvenient for her. I just want to scream "No babe, you didn't "have to" do anything. You chose to do that because you can't comprehend the fact that your now 30 year old son isn't your property." This dude is just young, free and living his best no contact life with his super cool, lawyer girlfriend. Literally nobody reasonable was concerned for his safety.

This is a woman who doesn't know how to apologise because she genuinely can't conceive of a scenario where she could be at fault. That snide comment "lord forbid I care about him" actually infuriates me. This woman has admitted to running her own son out of his hometown after attempting to ruin his relationship, using his father and sister as informants against him till he had to cut them off too, and paying a stranger to stalk him. This poor guy has had his life absolutely torn apart by this bitter hag of a mother. He had to orphan himself from his entire family when he was barely 20 years old to protect himself from this utter nutcase, and she has the fucking audacity to say "God forbid I..." as if she has experienced any consequences for any of her own truly unhinged behaviour.

I don't care if she's old, if I see this twat, it's on sight.

The "Poor me" angle she's trying to run at this with is pretty pathetic and really transparent. I'm not sure who beleives she's an innocent victim, but this "I text him every day and they bounce because I've been blocked for seven years" shtick is boring and over dramatic. Especially when even the fact that the girl has a law degree is enough to provoke some weird, barely related attempt at a smug remark. She's clearly not too sad to be salty. When she's not coming off whiney and sad she's just coming across as bitter and jealous. It's not a good look and it's clearly not worked for her up till now, but she's committed to the bit and she's not gonna turn it around.

Her son is happy and she's just so mad about it.

Womp womp.

#estranged parents #estrangement #no contact #toxic parents #toxic mom #dysfunctional family #dysfunctional household #narcissistic abuse

[grimmgrinningghouls]

Ugh I'm annoyed at paleoblr again sorry I have to bitch.

"arks bad because its the first google search result when u look up a dinosaur"

Okay well first of all hows that the game itselfs fault?? Like. the devs have zero control over that thats all google. And second of all thats barely even true!! I went ahead and googled some dinosaurs and here are the top results for those, and by top results I mean what appears when you first look at it WITHOUT scrolling.

Tell me. Wheres the ark dino. Where is it. Where are they where are these ark dinos you bitch and moan about CONSTANTLY. I'm not saying this is the case for every single dino in ark theres like 100's of them so I'm not going to google them all and provide a post with like a mile of screenshots.

and if your talking about the wiki or something being the first to pop up. Where. I actually had to go to page two to find the ark wiki for some of them.

"Little kids are being influenced by ark!!"

And? They're little kids. They are no more influenced by ark then they are jurrassic park/world or dinosaur toys. I can't really talk on the nintendo switch dino discoveries game as I haven't actually played it, dino discoveries is the only informational part of ark, and I am not going to pretend I know anything about that.

But are you seriously telling me you're getting upset at children not having accurate dinosaurs? at children being influenced by a popular piece of dinosaur media?? Dude. Chill.

"but people are treating it as a scientific resource!!"

Literally who is doing that. Anyone who does that probably puts their left shoe on their right foot. I extremely active within the ark community, as in extremely, and I have been since the game came out. I have talked to hundreds, possibly even thousands, of different people about dinosaurs on ark now and NOBODY. not a SINGLE person has ever claimed they thought ark was scientific.

Honestly most of us are well aware the arks deeply inaccurate. Its actually mentioned in game several times, most people don't stop to read the notes but one glance at them and the person whos writing them (a paleontologist btw) mentions that all the dinosaurs are wrong and will talk about the sizes being off or other things like that.

"Well they can't just say its not meant to be accurate and call it fine"

Yeah they can actually. Again, most ark players are at least aware of the games many issues and inaccuracies, its something that is regularly discussed amongst the fanartists and lore buffs actually. The most common people who are misinformed by ark are literal children. Get off your fucking high horse.

Honestly most of the stuff I see people bitching about isn't even arks fault. A lot of it is people ripping the models from the game and using them elsewhere, such as when a (very bad) dinosaur documentary stole arks models and used them to spread misinformation. This was not the fault of ark or wildcard, its not their fault other people take their assets and use them in improper ways. I'm fairly certain that if they can they send cease and desist letters to these people anyways.

#This is VERY much targeted btw. #I'm pretty sure I have this specific person blocked tho but fucking christ does the paleo side of tumblr get obnoxious #btw this is coming someone who lives with a paleontologist and is best friends with them #I didn't go to school and I won't claim to know everything abt dinosaurs but its just so ugh. #Stop ruining peoples you aren't better then anyone for knowing that dinosaurs are birds #spook txt #ark se #ark survival evolved

[aprillikesthings]

I am still a little obsessed with this

I had an idea for a Catradora fic like a year ago and ugggh I'd need to rewatch the whole show to do it any justice and I dunno if I have the patience

Anyway have some barely-edited info-dumping I did last March in a tiny discord server for a completely different cartoon ship*:

The other night when I couldn't sleep it occurred to me that there could/should be a very realistic fic out there of catra and adora, after the events of the last season, having a very passionate but over-dramatic relationship for a couple of years, then breaking up and getting back together multiple times before one or both of them decides Actually, we have to break up, for real, we are slowly killing each other over this; and one of them moves away and they both get therapy of some kind and both try dating other people but it just isn't working out (I can absolutely see Adora in a relationship that's perfectly fine and healthy but also boring as fuck, and her just thinking: huh, I guess normal people are supposed to feel like this? but it just feels like it's missing something, but the thing it's missing might just be a lot of arguing and crying and make-up sex, so like, I should just. stop missing that. probably. And Catra ending up in a bunch of short-term things where all of them end with either the other person going dude you are in love with someone else and I can tell or her feeling guilty and breaking it off bc the other person is obviously more into her than vice-versa)

And anyway after like ten years or something they see each other but one or both is still dating someone else and it's like ha ha our younger days were SOMETHING ELSE weren't they, oh did you get therapy oh good me too, I'm glad you're doing well, nice to bump into you :) but they're both internally screaming because yeah those feelings are Still There, fuck fuck fuck

The current partner of whichever of them dumps them bc "you're still in love with your ex" but neither of them say why the dump happened and the dumped one doesn't say anything to the other, which means they hear about it through the grapevine, and their heart goes YOOOOO and their brain goes "I thought we were actually done with this and being Good about it fuck fuck fuck" and theyre both :) still normal to each other :) all the time :)

PINING I love pining hhh lol

But yeah there's, I dunno. A party? with a lot of people? maybe they each have one (1) drink, not even enough to impair them, and the next thing you know they're making out in a closet or something somewhere, and then one or both of them is crying hysterically, and after a lot of talking they're like, I want to try again. But as actual adults who've had time to grow up and have a lot of therapy. So they do, and it's good, and all their friends are like Oh thank god you two are both the stupidest motherfuckers on earth.

Halfway through the first post I realized I am half re-writing one of my fave Sherlock fics but putting it on top of She-Ra characters and adapting it to spop's plot but it'S JUST A GOOD STORy and honestly how it would actually happen

Because they were SO YOUNG in the show and neither of them had ever seen a healthy relationship modeled, ever, by anyone; and they're both heavily traumatized on top of it. And love isn't always be enough to deal with all of that. It's just not.

Me: this would make a good romance novel if we could file off the serial numbers

Also me: it's only interesting to me because it's THESE CHARACTERS like how the fuck would you include the backstory lolol

My dumb brain is like, "look I know spop ended three years ago and also, this is obviously the kind of story that AN ACTUAL ADULT writes, generally speaking; so nobody would read it, but what if you spent a year writing this"

But also half the plot feels like it's lifted from The Speed of Objects in Motion by holyfant (linked above) which is still, easily, one of my top-two Sherlock fics of all time, bc it's just so painfully realistic--they do end up together again at the end, but there's a lot off off-again/on-again and arguing and then a few years they're not together in the meantime

Anyway, re: spop: Fate and destiny are great but real happily ever afters would be so hard with everything that lead up to the end of the series

------------

>:( at myself for being like "oh it would take a year to write this" bc if I had actually done it I would be done by now pfffffft

(*Amedot)

#april writes #ehhhh I am not fandom-tagging this

[w1cked-w1tch]

I'm glad people are liking my captains vs espada post! I put a lot of thought into it and it's not even everything I wanted to write lol let's let my autism dissect Mayuri some more, shall we?

Ashisogi Jizo being a baby I think has more to do with Mayuri's obsession with creating life. I have yet to decide if I think it being a Jizo has any real significance or not. Theres a ton of Buddhist symbols where zanpakuto are concerned and thus far its been hard to parse out what's there because it's relevant to the character and what's there because Kubo thought it was neat. I fully plan on looking more into it at some point though, maybe there will be another essay about that in the future.

Ashisogi Jizo, and more specifically Konjiki Ashisogi Jizo, plays HEAVILY into the aposematism aspect of his character design. Mayuri very much wants to broadcast "don't fuck with me, I'm poisonous and I'll fuck you up" which is..... interesting. Why poisonous instead of venomous, and how do we know? Aposematism occurs in both kinds of animals right? Well, think about it. Konjiki Ashisogi Jizo is a giant caterpillar thing, right? There ARE venomous caterpillars, but they're spiky or hairy. Ashisogi Jizo is not. Mayuri does make HIMSELF look this way, but why hasn't he made Ashisogi Jizo spiky or hairy? We know that he can. Both the sealed form AND his shikai have been made to look somewhat spiky. We know he can alter the appearance of a zanpakuto spirit. So why doesn't he do it?

If you don't want to dig too deep into it, you could just say "he just wants to be the poison/venom bug man cuz he's a weirdo" which..... true..... BUT! There are a couple things that don't quite fit here. Mayuri Kurotsuchi is underweight. He's 5'8 and 119 lbs (174 cm and 54kg). Dudes real thin. Look at how big he makes himself look with this clothing.

Now, this could feed into the aposematic shtick. Lots of animals who use aposematism use displays that make themselves look bigger than they are. Except...... they only do it when they think they're being actively threatened. Who in their right mind would make themselves a threat to Mayuri Fucking Kurotsuchi inside the seireitei? Nobody is threatening his position or his safety. No this is a perceived threat to his more intimate, squishy parts. His emotions.

His attitude feeds into this. Yeah, crazy mad scientist guy, thinks he's the best in the whole wide world. That trope doesn't require the shitty ass attitude though. During the battle with Szayelaporro, when he's looking at Nemu after Szayelaporro uses Gabriel and emerges from her its drawn out. He stares at her for a while, it felt like an eternity the first time I watched it. And he looks...... upset. Sad. It's barely perceptible, you could easily miss it and I thought I was imagining things until we see him staring again later in the fight with a completely blank expression.

Mayuri is softer than he lets on. Softer than he wants ANYONE to see, and he uses his appearance and his venomous attitude to keep people at bay. To keep people from seeing his soft white underbelly. His vulnerability. I'm certain he has a lot of fun with his appearance, it's a cool concept and I can't imagine how much fun it must be playing around with it. But there's a reason nobody but Nemu ever sees him without it. I have a similar experience with makeup and shitty attitude. My appearance in public is a physical representation of the wall I've built. My makeup is a physical mask. My facial expressions are a deterant. My shitty attitude usually takes care of anyone brave enough to still approach me. I love makeup, I love fashion, and I have a lot of fun putting together the version of me other people see.

So, from my perspective, Mayuri's appearance is absolutely a representation of his weirdness and his scientific mind but it's also a representation of his fear. This is why I think Mayuri is poisonous, rather than venomous. All of the offensive posturing is a bluff meant to scare you away. The venom he wants you to believe he has doesn't exist. Poison certainly has built up in his system, like a monarch caterpillar, so if you "eat" him you will feel the effects, but he's nowhere near as dangerous as he'd like you to believe. I think some subconscious part of his brain wants somebody to figure it out and thats why he hasnt modified Konjiki Ashisogi Jizo to look venomous.

Maybe I'm just projecting though who knows🤷‍♀️ what I DO know is that I'd let him do all kinds of weird, nasty things to me. For science of course.

#mayuri kurotsuchi

[ruralbi]

dear diary, i feel better but oooooh my god it's not lookin good for ya boy!!!! summary? my best friend told me he doesn't love me AGAIN

i'm like bro quit reminding me if ur gonna constantly be in my house havin me suck ur dick. life is hard out here :(

however he built a garden shed for my parents, shelves for my garage and he promised me he'll make a pantry and shoe rack for underneath my stairs when he comes back on saturday. he's gone to work until then... he'll be back saturday with hopefully money, cause we're starting to b seriously depleted. i need to up my game with someone else if i ever want to b a house husband, cause this bitch aint ever gonna support me.

he can't even jack me off, i don't think he's abt to shell put 400e a month for me to keep house.

my therapist is there like there are different ways to tell someone you love them. he does love you. look at all the work he does for you. yeah well he also does the same for half his friends and he doesn't regularly tell THEM he's not in love with them. like literally i know someone can be very deep in the closet and denial, i've been there. but at some point u just gotta accept that he's just not that into you. what gave me the hint? the multiple times where he's said that he doesn't love me romantically, just as a friend that is fun to fuck.

btw this post sponsorised by the builder who made his first appearance at the house ever since he decided he was getting sober.

apparently it didn't last a week, but he hasn't been here in months due to the awkward happenstance where he declared his (drunken) undying love for my flatmate (his colleague) while he has been fuckin me. unfortunately that's a deal breaker for both of us i think, he's barely made eye contact for the whole visit. i'm very like :/ we could've had a good life together :/ about it.

nobody can stand him, he's all alone in his house, in serious need of nurture? i'm a very patient, very home oriented sex enthusiast. your loss honey. you'd rather b in love with my flatmate who's only ever thought of you as a weird colleague, ur fuckin loss. i don't get what's wrong with me ://// why don't men want me (it's the faggotry)

frankly i haven't seen my gay dad in months either and at this point he wouldn't even b able to berate me for bein a slut i've been so faithful to my idiot best friend. i need to update my bullshittery.

options r perfectly fine guy that 1) is my coworker 2) that i'm not in love with 3) i think is mildly annoying

or a 56yo dude who is trying to drown me in compliments and just yesterday drunk texted me at 2am that he'll "take care of me" (he did text again in the morning to apologise).

fun fact abt this guy : people warned me to b careful cause he was homophobic but in the end he jumped in my bed one night he was staying over to not drink and drive. he did very much try to fuck me. he didn't have a condom and i'm not abt that life so i just sucked his dick and did some intense nipple play??? he's very sensitive it was cute. oh and we did intercrural, and he talked abt knocking me up!! during the dirty talk!!!! that was a new one :') maybe he really was homophobic before and he's only ever been with women and he didn't bother to update the dirty talk. but also that's weird dirty talk for a one night stand regardless of gender??? anyway i gotta admit that i did laugh a lot abt that afterwards. like have at it bro, u can try all u want.

he's been drowning me in compliments ever since abt how i'm the most gentle soul and so beautiful and kind and if only he was 30 years younger he would treat me like i deserved etc. i think he's just hoping that i'll suck his dick again but i heard he has a girlfriend (AFTER the dick sucking) and once again, i'm not abt that life. and also he's old enough to b my father and totally closeted to the point that other friends of ours warned me of his homophobia so ://// not great not great. sorry honey but thank u for the compliments i seriously need those rn

#my best friend #behemoth of a builder #56yo #no cutesy tag for him bc HOPEFULLY there won't b too many more shenanigans

[itsbenedict]

Two-Faced Jewel: Session 2

Zero and @eternalfarnham are Looseleaf and Saelhen du Fishercrown, a mothfolk animist and a half-elf conwoman. A botched heist forces Saelhen to keep up her fake identity and embark on a quest to places unknown, with Looseleaf to keep a watchful compound eye on her. This time, they prepare to set out for the jungle city of Thunderbrush.

[Campaign log]

It's less than a week after the incident with the pit under Yoshimimoto Plaza. Looseleaf returns to school with Saelhen in tow, and Looseleaf's roommate Oyobi spends some time training them up in basic monster self-defense- the two of them are now level 2! Saelhen gains a Cunning Action, and Looseleaf embarks on the Path of the Mutable Spirit. (There's no combat this session, so more on that later.)

In spending some time with Looseleaf's roommate, Saelhen picks up on... certain nuances.

looseleaf: what you know about your roommate is that she is very friendly and outgoing. the reason she's barely home most of the time is that she's always out partying or fighting or otherwise living it up on campus, and she's pretty well-known and popular amongst the student body. she's technically Martial Arts but takes a few Natural Arts classes, including your archaeology class. she wants to be an adventurer and join the Deathseekers' Guild, and she's taking multiple periods of Severe Zoology to learn to fight monsters. she thinks you in particular are adorable and has probably invited you to various social gatherings. she seems kind of spacey and unreliable, though, and doesn't seem to take you seriously.

saelhen, what you know about looseleaf's roommate is that she a freak nobody else seems to pick up on this, since there's not a lot of other elves at Blacksky, but you can tell from the way she wears her clothes and how she interacts with strangers to the uninformed observer, her fashion sense is sort of rugged and sporty and normal to an elf, her usual outfits are the equivalent of going around dressed in torn booty shorts, a spiked choker, and an ahegao t-shirt she is very obviously making a statement, and that statement is "i can do whatever i want, and if you have a problem with that you can [insert grossly offensive euphemism here]" her super-smiley friendly attitude is clearly part of this- she is breaking every single rule in the elf book, going right for the friendship throat in every social interaction and ignoring every single nicety that's supposed to precede friendly contact she acts a little different around you- like, she expects you to be in on the joke she's playing on everyone around her. she'll say something seemingly innocuous that's a actually a horrendous boundary violation in Kanzentokai, and then look at you with an expectant smile, to see if you appreciated the hilarious prank she just pulled. being around her is like being in the studio audience for a cringe comedy sitcom

Why are we learning so much about Oyobi? Well, partially because I can't help but overthink every single bit character, but also for reasons that'll become clear shortly.

After a few days, Saelhen and Looseleaf are invited to the Provost's office, up at the top of Blacksky Tower. (Ominous sort of place, for a faculty building- hewn out of a single chunk of sparkling black stone, oldest building on campus.) They are not invited to sit- the office contains no chairs.

Provost Hamori Los has good news for them! The people she's had secretly monitoring Saelhen for the past few days- did she forget to mention that?- have determined, by triangulation, that the arrow on Saelhen's bracer is currently pointing in the direction of Thunderbrush, deep in the giant-spider-infested jungle. So that where they'll be going, on a fun field trip!

Looseleaf could not be happier about this. Or less happy. She's really got precisely the amount of unhappiness that she's obligated to feel about giant spiders, being a giant moth.

Luckily, they won't have to trek through the jungle- Hamori has arranged for transportation via the ferry at the town of Cauterdale, which should allow them to bypass a treacherous trek into the depths of the Remoline Rainforest. They'll each be provided 100gp as funding for this academic enterprise- and Headmaster Goodcrest of Thunderbrush Metropolitan University has agreed to provide lodging for them on arrival. Everything is handled for them- so there shouldn't be any problems!

There is one more thing, though- all the different schools want in on this trip, so one school doesn't get all the credit. They're required to bring along a representative from the School of Arcane Arts and the School of Martial Arts, on top of Looseleaf from Natural Arts. And on top of... the representative from the School of Restricted Arts.

This dude is named Vayen, and he's not much for conversation. Or explaining what he's even doing here. Or doing anything besides skulking a careful distance away from the party, staring and listening. What does the School of Restricted Arts even study, again?

Anyway, Looseleaf has someone in mind from Martial Arts, so she leads the party to the School of Arcane Arts to do some recruiting! After being chewed out by Two-Brains for trying to post notices outside the official student notice board, she puts up her ad:

It's not long before she gets a bite!

Orluthe Chokorov is a cleric-in-training, under Diamode, the Goddess of Family. He's been enrolled in Arcane Arts at the insistence of his family... but he seems to think he's a "fake", and is desperate to go somewhere, anywhere, as long as it means he passes his classes without having to actually... be able to do whatever it is he's taking classes in. He says he can fight, though- in fact, he's eager to fight! He once beat Bud Chestplate, did you know?

There are perhaps less delinquent candidates they could go with, but there's something nice about a party member with secrets Saelhen could use as blackmail.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "...rest assured that I shall be the soul of discretion. As will Looseleaf." "Though I fear that deception of this sort does not come easily to me..." Looseleaf: "Noeru, if he doesn't want to get into it, he doesn't have to- oh my god."

Having recruited Orluthe, the party heads back to Looseleaf's dorm to ask Oyobi about the Martial Arts students- maybe she has some idea as to who would make a good candidate for the trip!

(This isn't me foisting her on the players, though I did suggest it- after the party of two squishies got wiped in the first encounter, I offered them the chance to put together two NPCs who they'd get to control in combat. Their character sheets were more or less created by the players, and I matched their mechanical requirements to NPCs. We may end up having multiple characters per PC, later- this is sort of a trial run.)

With a cleric(?) and a ranger on the team, plus whatever Vayen is that he won't tell them, they're feeling ready to hit the road- right after a shopping trip.

Saelhen buys...

1x bag of 1000 ball bearings

1x traveler's clothes

1x hooded lantern

15x doses of insect repellent salve (much to Looseleaf's great offense)

2x uses of sealing wax

1x tinderbox

fuck it, 4x more bags of 1000 ball bearings

Zero: 'what are you going to do with five thousand ball bearings' 'when the time comes, i'll know'

Looseleaf buys...

1x pint of oil

1x bag of 1000 ball bearings also

5x healer's kits, to distribute to the party

1x pouch of various plant seeds

1x map

Notably absent is any food, since they have Oyobi in their party- she's a ranger with the Goodberry spell. (I've reflavored it to just mean she's good at foraging and always has rations on hand, because holy crap, Goodberry rules-as-written is totally worldbreaking- why would farms exist?)

During their shopping trip, Saelhen manages to get Oyobi alone, without the rest of the party. Oyobi's shtick has been fun, for her, as someone with very little regard for elven rules of politeness, but... it's still a little much. She asks Oyobi to tone it down.

Oyobi Yamatake: "I mean, I thought you had to no-sell it to keep up the fake noble act- I didn't think it was actually getting you!" "That's priceless, oh my god." "What's there to take a 'break' from, anyway? What's wrong with just living?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Primarily, the fact that I really need not to twitch in front of the Provost's silent murder goon." Saelhen jerks a thumb over her shoulder, then belatedly checks to make sure that Vayen is not in fact literally right behind her. Benedict I. (GM): Make a Perception roll? Saelhen du Fishercrown: aw, hell, he definitely is, isn't he

She rolls a 13, and no one in particular rolls a 17. So, everything is fine. They keep their voices down, anyway.

Oyobi Yamatake: "I mean, is it really a problem? Can you really not keep a straight face?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "I mean, I can." Saelhen sweeps a hand over her face and is the picture of serenity. "Why should the lady Noeru de la Surplus concern herself with small lapses such as these?" "Surely someone shall find it in their hearts to forgive all trespasses." Oyobi Yamatake: She snorts. "Okay, I get your point." "But really, don't you think it's weirder for an elven noblewoman not to react?" "You don't think he thinks it's suspicious that you take it all in stride?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "The character is admittedly kind of a freak. I'm making allowances. I mean, this is fun and all, but if no one sees through the bit at all and I'm stuck in it long-term, which it seems like I am, it's like..." "Just being back in Kanzentokai, except worse, because no one is making me." "And drow catch a lot of crap anyway. They don't need me to teach them that elves can be assholes." Oyobi Yamatake: She frowns. "You can't make me try to keep up with the rules, y'know. I'm not going to put up with that garbage ever again." "But I can tone it down with the..." "Y'know, the stuff I'm going out of my way to do, if that helps." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "The wink-and-nudge, yeah. That would help." Oyobi Yamatake: She sighs. She seems a little put out by all this, but pretty quickly puts her happy face back on.

Meanwhile, Looseleaf and Orluthe seem to have lost track of Vayen. It doesn't take them long to find out where he went (well, after Looseleaf rolls a nat 1 on investigation and accidentally pisses off an old lady she mistook for Vayen). Turns out... he's hiding behind a statue of Ccorde, spying on Saelhen and Oyobi.

Looseleaf doesn't buy his crappy excuses, but also... she isn't altogether opposed to the concept of spying on "Lady Noeru de la Surplus", who really ought to have someone keeping an eye on her. So, she just hands him a medical kit- a kit she happens to have used her animist class feature Soul Link on, so she knows where it is at all times. (She's done the same to the bracer.)

Now, with the shopping done, it's time to hit the road! They have a couple options: go on foot, or requisition some giraffes.

(In this world, they domesticated giraffes instead of horses. Why? Because it's a fantasy world and why not?)

The city's main giraffe rental is run by the Ecumene of Understanding, based out of the Temple of Andra. You can rent giraffes for free, as long as you're willing to serve as a courier for the Ecumene- their convoluted legal system requires them to send mail between cities frequently, and they've only got so many clerics on hand. So, anyone wanting to travel the roads can receive a delivery quest from the Ecumene, and rent mounts for free in exchange!

They meet with the Bishop of Understanding of Oyashio, Sarat Aerens.

Aerens has a simple request for them: in addition to visiting Thunderbrush's Temple of Andra with a mail delivery, they're to bring back a report from said temple on the whereabouts of the Siren's Arraignment, a ship that departed from Oyashio and never arrived at its next destination, Snowhold. There's suspicion that the Siren's Arraignment never departed from its supposed origin of Thunderbrush to begin with, either- so the Ecumene put some clerics on the job to investigate, and the party's job is just to relay their message.

With that, they're given giraffe passes, and directed down to the stables, where they find the stablehand, Updraft, having some difficulties.

Benedict I. (GM):There's no one at the pickup window, but there's a sparrow aarakocra just behind, trying to get a giraffe several times her height to get up and out of the damn water trough. Updraft: "...not a bath, ye stubborn git!" "Ye drink from that, lackbrains!" "Y'really want t'be tastin' yer arse?" Looseleaf: OH I CAN HELP WITH THIS FINALLY, A PLACE WHERE I CAN APPLY MY ADVANTAGE ON ANIMAL HANDLING

Looseleaf uses her Soul Read ability to tune in to the giraffe's feelings and recent history, and discovers that someone fed it a hot pepper and it's in, um, anal distress.

Orluthe volunteers to do some healing to the giraffe, with his Lay On Hands ability. Is... that a cleric thing? Do clerics do that? Probably. In this world, clerics perform magic by inviting their god directly into their mind to borrow their brainpower and work miracles directly, and it sure looks like he does that when he does his healing. He channels a god, for sure!

Benedict I. (GM): As he touches the giraffe, you see his body begin to glow, and his facial features are overlaid with another face. "...A giraffe?" "A waste, I suppose, but... perhaps it'll win us some favor." The voice he speaks in sounds more feminine, somehow.

Some religion checks reveal that this doesn't seem quite right for a cleric of Diamode, the goddess of Family. But hey, healing's healing, right?

With that, they're able to get their giraffes no problem- and next time, they'll be on the road to Thunderbrush!

#tfj log #twofaced jewel

[retire61already]

A Brief* Guide To Columbus Blue Jackets Captains: Lyle Odelein

(*I'm still a liar, it really fucking isn't)

Or, "one horribly long thing got cut down into five pretty damn long things because I apparently have a lot to say".

His nickname is Odie.

Our first captain! Wore the C from day one to March 19, 2002.

Won the Cup with Montreal in 1993!

Also played for the Devils and Coyotes before we claimed him in the expansion draft.

The most stereotypical farm boy.

No seriously, the day he signed his contract he started chatting with one of our beat guys about what plants could grow in Columbus versus his family farm in northern Saskatchewan.

He was excited about being able to grow tomatoes

Actual quote from teammate Geoff Sanderson in 2001: "Odie would still drive a John Deere to the rink if he wasn’t married.”

What I'm trying to say is current CBJ farm boy Boone Jenner would have looked at him and called him a hick.

CBJ was utter crap during his tenure due to expansion draft rules being very different at the time. Most teams offered up flaming garbage-- fourth liners, bottom pairing guys, old dudes, or any combination of the above.

Odie was one of the old dudes, but he didn't give a shit and treated every single game like it was a playoff game.

Still beloved for his refusal to accept the inevitable and for how great he was with the fans. He's a super personable and hilarious dude.

He wanted everyone to be happy and if they weren't, he wanted to know how he could help. I cannot say enough about how kind he is.

Was traded to Chicago on March 19, 2002 for Jaroslav Spacek and a second round pick in 2003.

Went on to play for Dallas and Pittsburgh after that (before we hated them) and retired with the Pens in 2005.

But not before he beat up walking anus and guy we picked instead of Thomas Vanek in the 2003 entry draft because ????, Nikolay Zherdev.

Good guy Odie.

In early 2018 a CBJ beat reporter posted some kinda cryptic and slightly terrifying tweets about Lyle's wife requesting prayers for Odie.

Everybody freaked.

Turned out he suffered a horrifying blood infection.

He was put in a medically induced coma for 40 days and everyone thought he was gonna die.

He refused to die.

Then he needed a triple organ transplant, which was done in one surgery with a procedure I can basically only describe as an organ transplant conga line. It had never been done before.

He came out of that too.

Then when he woke up he was paralyzed from the neck down and nobody was sure if he would ever walk again.

But he fucking did, because that's my goddamn medical miracle captain.

I'm barely kidding, they let him out of a rehab facility in July 2018 and he was walking on his own again by September.

When he retired he was 29th in league history in penalty minutes. Is it any surprise he punched out death, too?

#columbus blue jackets #blue jackets #cbj #nhl hockey #lyle odelein #cbj captains #long post #medical tw

[donnerpartyofone]

This is so not a story at all, so get ready for a whole bunch of nothing about what a gigantic snob I am!

I can't stop thinking about this journey I went on with this person on Instagram. I'm obsessed with the area my dad's family is from, which is this weird tiny Finnish-but-culturally-Swedish, autonomous, demilitarized archipelago in the Baltic Sea. I'm always looking for Instagram users who live there, to see what daily life is like. I happened upon this one middle aged guy, and quickly noticed that he liked comics and genre film, which seemed lucky--the smaller a population, the less likely I am to find somebody with all my "weird" interests. So I followed him, even though I objected to his Van Dyke facial hair and consistently douchey uniform of a trench coat and porkpie hat. Then, I slowly began to realize that I didn't think he had very good taste in general; we generally liked the same kind of cult cinema, but he always seemed to find anything remotely cerebral to be really boring, and he skewed more toward Troma-style attention grabs, which *I* find really boring. His preferred comics ranged from boringly mainstream, to weirdly bad--cheapo revivals of musty old strip comics that absolutely nobody cares about. I knew the very slim population of guys who actually bought those books in the states, old duffers who a) think everything is a collector's item, and b) think their encyclopedic knowledge of e.g. seldom-seen silent era actors makes them geniuses. These guys also usually wore trench coats and porkpie hats, so I guess some things stay the same all around the world. On a side note, there's something distinctly European about loving both stuffy old genre material that has pretty much turned to dust by now (sword and sandal dramas, swashbuckling pirate adventures, etc), AND raunchy "in your face" splatterpunk satire. I can't describe why but it's definitely a thing, I encountered it a lot when I was spending time in France on and off, and it always gave me the willies for some unnamable reason. Uh anyway, I eventually figured out that this guy actually WRITES some of these throwback comics. I was thinking to myself, why the fuck would ANYBODY be obsessed with The Phantom, a property so boring that even in our creatively bankrupt post-everything era, the only attempt to mine it for contemporary interest is that forgotten Billy Zane movie? But no, it all makes sense, because this guy occasionally writes for a Phantom series that comes out of Australia. Let's take a quick look at some covers for that series, which will give us a good idea of why most rational people don't do this jungle adventure shit anymore:

I especially "like" the last one, where the Phantom is fucking some girl in a pool of native blood. The other thing this guy writes for occasionally is a comedy serial that I guess has been running forever, that's another kind of thing that lets me know the limits of my own taste. I guess it's kind of an Archie type of thing about conscripted military service:

The drawings are absolutely hideous, the jokes barely exist, and I don't even know how the scenario in the last one is supposed to have happened--did he phase shift through the tree or something? I had two jobs in the span of about 15 years where I saw all kinds of comics, so I'm not unfamiliar with this kind of thing, I just never ever "got" it. Even when the material is actually good, I never had good feelings toward the hairy, bulbous, hyperactive drawings that characterize a lot of European comedy output. Some of this would be forgivable if it were strictly for children, but Wikipedia tells me that this 91:an series is mostly read by older audiences. I would assume that this is because the existing fans mainly caught onto it in THEIR childhood, but who fucking knows, I have no idea what would attract anybody to this stuff in the first place.

Anyway, I just looked at this guy's Twitter page, and it lists him as a journalist and movie critic as well. I scrolled through about a year's worth of tweets to see if I could find any of his movie reviews. I could not. And, it's not an exaggeration to say that 85-90% of his tweets are just links to obituaries (not written by him) of like, every single remotely show business-y person who died, the second they died. This is another classic attribute of the kind of nerd who cares about Prince Valliant and shit, they always know everybody who is dead and they're really pushy about telling you for some reason. I find all of this kind of understandable when the person is in their 70s or something and has seen a lot of changes in the world, but this guy is only in his 40s or so. It's as if he fell in with a "bad crowd" of elderly nerds at a rummage sale (or at the very comic shop where I worked for many years, because they were all friends with the owner!) and just patterned his whole life after them.

Anyway, I don't really know what point I'm coming to. Probably none, I've just been thinking about this obsessively ever since I realized that this guy doesn't just innocently read bad comics, he actually writes them. I always knew there must be people who wrote these comics, I just never imagined them before, and now I got a whole profile going. Apparently this dude has a couple of screenwriting credits too, but I'm too scared to watch them.

#comic shop clerks of north america by drew friedman

[mysynthfetish]

Um, Yeah.

Well it's damn near March already. What the hell? Where does the time go?

The whole world is in a huff about COVID-19, and here in Japan too, obviously, but people are in full-on freakout mode. First thing they did was go on a panic-buying-spree of masks, like surgical masks, you know, the ones everyone here wears when it's either flu or hay fever season. So, there's a shortage of masks now. "ONE BOX PER CUSTOMER!!" signs at the shops with any remaining stock. For me, the funniest thing is that masks do not prevent the wearer from catching a virus. The seal around the face is not perfect, so guess what, shit don't work. Unless you strap on a military grade chemical warfare motherfucker of a mask, like with the filter cans and shit? Nope. I mean, even the homepage of the WHO where you can find a coronavirus FAQ says so ("BUT THE WHO IS CONTROLLED BY THE UN AND THEY'RE SECRETLY OUT TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD SO YOU CAN'T TRUST THAT!!!!" yeah yeah yeah. Shame. On. You). But nahhhh who cares about actually using your head and thinking about how viruses spread. See, the masks work (sorta) when worn by people already infected, as they trap most of the fun stuff ejected by a sneeze or a cough. Not all of it. We can still hope for some fun to be shared among the general populace can we not? Ahhh but it's easier to be a total idiot and follow the herd mentality and panic-buy useless shit. Then there was the fiasco with the cruise ship and not letting passengers disembark, and then it turns out a number were let off without having to go through screening, but the Chinese are still being confined to quarters blah blah blah. Jeeezus Fucking Christ EVERYTHING is made in China anyway, from rubber dog shit to the (probably) fake ICs in your military hardware to your beloved smartphones and related devices, shit, even the incessant machine-diarrhea geyser of clone synths too, so what the hell is the big deal about a potentially pandemic-level megavirus every few years? Chinavirus. Next in the ongoing series. Personally, I don't really care where the viruses originate, and to tell the truth, I get a warm feeling inside when people lose their shit over stuff like this, and even warmer when the death toll rises and rises. Can't think of a better species to get a good culling than the old homo sapiens. Heh. Mister Misanthrope at your service! But anyway.....

Found this ancient beast sitting forgotten and forlorn in a closet at work. It's a Luxman 38FD "High Fidelity Stereo Integrated Amplifier" made around 1970 (like me!). It is in near fucking mint condition. HEAVY. AS. FUCK. And the winningest part of the whole thing besides it being destined for the Big Garbage pile and as a result free for the taking? IT WORKS. Oh, and even better...

IT'S A VACUUM TUBE AMP!!! Those are the main tubes, 50CA10, pretty much but not totally unobtanium. Yeah, they fucking glow a warm orangey red, and after a bit you can see blue vapor inside. Well, if you turn off all the lights and take the top cover off. It runs hot as fuck too. I was just shocked the thing worked. It's sitting comfortably atop the desk in the lair, where you'd normally park a printer, with a pair of Yamaha NS-100X speakers on risers above it. Sounds great. There's considerably more noise (hiss?) than a modern amp, but with the volume knob raised to about 10 o'clock, it's already loud enough that the hiss isn't even a consideration anymore, and any louder would be asking for trouble with the neighbors. I can't believe it because the amp is supposed to be a mere 30 watts per channel. I guess 30 watts from vacuum tubes is a hell of a lot different from even triple that from a modern amp. LOUD!!! So yay me.

Oh and speaking of viruses....

I was watching this one on the auction for about a month and a half. The opening bid started out at around $1700 but nobody bid, and the auction ended, and one option here on the yahoo auction is for an automatic re-listing with the opening bid discounted by a certain percent. I watched for a while, then just when I'd forgotten about it, it came up in the look-at-me feed and the price was down to a grand so I bid on it and won. I had one of these before and regretted selling it, thus the TI Polar in my arsenal now, but the 61-key TI has THE BEST keys ever. Feels so good to play. Fatar! I thought yeah ok I'll just say see ya to the Polar and call it even. But... Hmm... Wait... One thing led to another and in the end I decided to keep both the viruses and... and...... and...... sell the ION. Say WHAT?!?! After all the work and repairs and maintenance and customizing LEDs and and and and.... Yeah. It's a hell of a synth, no doubt about it, but I think anything with the Alesis logo on it has a very definite shelf-life. The pots are gonna go, a few are acting up already, and those are unobtanium unless you wanna shell out the dosh and buy from syntaur. You can't get NOS pots either. So... After some serious deep-thinking and careful consideration and deliberation I had to say to myself, "self, it's a wonderful machine capable of some great sounds, but it's only 8-voice polyphonic, there are barely any effects to mention, ok sure the mod matrix and plethora of filter models and waveshaping are fantastic, but you know how ridiculously MORE powerful the Virus TI is almost every respect!" And I admitted defeat. To myself. Weird, I know. But there you go. I don't think I know anyone with two Virus TI (or TI2) synths in their collection. Maybe Anthony Rother. I know he has two IONs. 

Ahhhh but this 61-key virus wasn't without problems. Uh, well, OK one BIG problem. The power supply shat itself when I turned it on for the first time. The LCD sorta flashed, there was a brief sign of life with some of the LEDs, but then blip! Nothing. Aaaaargh! Unseat the power cable, reseat it, try again. Nothing, just a high-pitched whine that was getting louder. I put my head up against the front panel, listening for where the whine was coming from, and figured out it was the far right side. That's where the PSU is. Then suddenly the sound changed to a higher pitch that swept downwards over the course of a few seconds, all the while sputtering like it had a downward sawtooth filter on it, then POP! No more sound. When I opened the case up, I immediately remembered that for whatever reason, Access decided to go with a PSU like you'd use with a laptop computer, the big brick-like deals, and that they'd carefully bracketed the brick in so that the eyeglass-socket for the plug lined up with the hole in the rear panel. OK so all I needed to do was find a same-rating PSU and then go about modding the bracket so cosmetically it would look from-the-factory. Incidentally, I contacted Access and asked about parts, but the rep said they don't have any more PSUs for the TI series, only ones for the TI2 series, and that they aren't the same size so when they do the repair, they put a DC jack on the rear panel and the PSU gets left out—goes from internal to external if you catch my drift. Well, no thank you, I do not care for that approach, no sir, I didn't wanna go that route at all. So, thanks to having access to a drill press and diamond-saw dremel tools at work, I made the necessary mods to the bracket, padded it a bit so it would securely hold the new PSU in place, and in the end you can't tell it isn't a factory PSU (from the outside). Yay me, part two.

This is the bracket, post choppy-grindy. Yeah so I "secured" the cabling with Scotch 33+... Hey, from the factory it was held down with hot glue!

Yeah that's where it attached to the PCB. CHEEKY!!!!!!!

Not bad, right? You'd never know. But I've told you, so now you know. Oh and the PSU was $22 from a local parts chain (Marutsu). I think Access wants about $50 but I think that includes free shipping anywhere in the world. I'm just glad it's working fine now.

Other goings on... I've sold the Timeline and Space pedals, and used part of the proceeds to pick up a Sony DPS-D7 delay and a DPS-R7 reverb to use in their place. But the D7 had a wonky input knob that actually broke off in my fucking hand the second time I went to use it. That pot is super unobtanium, so I thought I'd just epoxy the broke-off-bit and not worry about separately controlling the input levels for the L and R channels (does anyone even DO that?)... Here's the pot.

Even after it was epoxied back together, it was fucking bent as fuck. Red line shows the angle, blue arrow shows where the epoxy ghetto fix went down. I saw another D7 listed as-is for $10 and nobody bid so I won it, and I had intended to just cannibalize the pot, but it turns out that it has a newer OS and it works fucking fine, so that was kind of a head-scratcher. People are weird. This delay is stupid deep. There's a multi-tap algorithm that has like 40 separately programmable taps, each with its own level, pan, feedback, and all that. The reverb (R7) is just as insane with parameters... Dudes, and dudettes, seriously, you need some deep-sea rated scuba gear to really get to grips with these Sony DPS motherfuckers. DEEEEEEEEEEEP AS FUCK. I've owned these before too. Had the F7 Filter too. That thing had a 40-band vocoder and a multi-part digital drum synth in it!? Man I think the engineers at Sony had access to some GOOD drugs back when they were working on this line of effects processors. Seriously. I mean, I love programming, but even I was intimidated by the sheer amount of programmability in these things. The ones I had before were a bit noisy, but these aren't at all. Strange. Fun shit though. Oh and there's this:

Ah fuck, looks a bit out of focus. That right there is a TOA DE-1000 delay. Rare as shit, and this one is in NEW condition. Insane! I've had this one on my radar for a while. Why? Because it's fucking WEIRD!!!! So the max delay time is 255ms or something really not that long at all, but you've got three to control: Left, Center and Right. Individual times (LEDs) and levels (white sliders), plus global wet/dry and feedback, AND modulation time and depth sliders. SLIDERS!!?? Ok it only has four memory slots, and no MIDI, but you can get up to some good mischief with this thing. Last two goodies to blab about:

Top: SONICWARE ELZ_1. What a weirdo synth. I heard that it's a raspberry pi under the hood but really? Who cares. It can do some off the wall shit. A handful of wacky synth engines, topped off by four effects processors at the end. And it has a speaker. My only complaint is no DIN MIDI, just USB and you have to buy a class compliant dealie. I suppose I should do so before I forget. Sounds pretty damn good though, and it does things that I've not heard other synths do. Built well. Fun to play and fun to program. Runs on batteries. Worth looking into. I was so impressed with this that I backed their next project (a groove box type thing it seems). Bottom: KORG AM8000R. This fucker does some WEIRD SHIT! I had one before (and its delay counterpart, the DL8000R) and for whatever reason didn't hold on to them. I think I was looking for more bread and butter, set it and forget it type effects. This was really cheap and it's in great shape. I don't think so many people know about these. Relatively easy to program, and you can get some really good, usable stuff as well as some super far out WTF stuff. The WARP! knob is good fun too.

Oh I suppose it's worth mentioning that I had an album released by Anti Gravity Device out of Tokyo a few weeks ago. Let's see if I can find a link...

https://anti-gravity-device.bandcamp.com/album/black-rainbows-agd036

Have a listen. It's stuff I recorded from about November through December last year, maybe even the first week of January this year. Live jam format, no master sequencer, wish I was an octopus because two arms and ten fingers just wasn't enough type stuff. All hardware. Fun!

So, my invisible tumblrpeeps, it's been a busy 2020 so far here. More things in the works. Keep your eyes peeled. Stay well. Watch out for number one, and don't step in number two. (thanks, Carlin!)

#fucktrump #synth DIY #Virus TI #Luxman #38FD #50CA10 #DPS-D7 #DPS-R7 #TOA DE-1000 #sonicware #elz_1 #KORG AM8000R #wackolooniness #asshattery

[knight-of-heart-and-art]

So. Instead of writing another chunk of the fic I'm SUPPOSED to be working on, I find myself writing a quick bit of Davekat. Prompted by one of the posts from an incorrect homestuck quote blog of all things. 

 You didn't mean to. That's one of the fucking thousand thoughts knotting into one painful tangled ball in your head right now. Or maybe it's in your chest. That'd explain why you all of a sudden can't breathe.  You didn't mean to push him. Not hard enough for him to trip like that, end up swearing and picking himself up at the bottom of the stairs. It was a fucking joke, neither of you were actually laughing but you were baiting him and he was growling invective at you, and he grabbed for your shades (a joke, he wasn't going to do anything, god) and you reacted.  You shoved him.  He's standing at the foot of the stairs and you look at him for one second, enough to see that he's bitten his lip or something and it's bleeding, there's blood on it, and you can't. You can't fucking look. You can't breathe either.  You know exactly what you just did and oh god you shouldn't have. You hurt him. You. Hurt. Karkat. There's a fucking twisted deja vu here, too. You can't believe this. You can't fucking believe that you're enough like—  "Dave, what the fuck. Come on, we're already late."  How the hell does he sound that normal? Annoyed, but nothing else.  You open your eyes (why did you even bother closing them? because you're too much of a coward to look at what you did?) and he's just standing there, looking up at you and wiping impatiently at his mouth with his sleeve. How the hell does he not look upset, angry, afraid, anything like that?  Well, he's starting to look a bit confused as well as annoyed, since you can't bring yourself to move. "Dave, what's going on?"  Somehow you can't exactly answer that question. You shake your head instead, closing your eyes for a second and not looking right at him when you open them, not that he can tell. "Fuck. Sorry." Too bad your voice is a hell of a lot shakier than you ever let it get when you're in control of yourself. "I'm. I'm sorry." Apologising does not, actually, make it better, and you know that. Hell, haven't you been on the other side of this?  "For what? I'm a clumsy asshole, we both know that. And I'm fine." You can hear the frown in his voice as he climbs the six or seven stairs up to you, stopping on the one below where you're at and tilting his head back to look up at you. "Dave, I'm fine. It was an accident, I tripped."  "I fucking pushed you." Your eyes are closed again. Coward. "I'm—"  What are you? Sorry? Yeah, that's one of the things you might've said, but he reaches up and puts his hands on the sides of your face, pushing your shades up, and you have to either open your eyes or let him think you don't want to look at him. You have to go with the former.  He still doesn't look mad. Sad, maybe. Or worried. You suck so bad at reading normal people.  "It was an accident," he says, calm and level, like you hardly ever see from him. "An accident. There's a difference between trying to hurt someone and fucking up a little. It's okay."  "I—"  Again he doesn't let you finish the sentence. "Sit the fuck down before you fall down," he not-quite-snaps, and pulls you down to sit next to him on the stairs. You don't really want to sit down, but the alternative is pulling away from him, and no way in hell are you going to fight him right now. "It's okay."  If you argue, you're just going to stammer and lose your sentences completely. So you shake your head and work on composing yourself, which is a hell of a lot harder than it should be.  It takes a couple minutes for you to calm down and relax enough to realize that you're leaning on his shoulder. Which is. Okay. It's okay.  "I'm sorry," you tell him. "I swear I'd never pull that shit on you on purpose, dude, I—"  "Dave. I know. It's okay." He huffs out a breath, reaching up and touching your lips gently with one finger, effectively silencing you as you open your mouth again. "Stop. You didn't mean it, we both know that. You gonna admit what's fucking you up right now?"  To him? No. To yourself? Yeah. You kind of have to.  "I know what's fucked up," you admit, when he takes his hand away from your mouth.  "Okay. And it's not you." He frowns at you when you shake your head. "You're not the fucking problem here. This was a fucking accident, a little stupid one that barely hurt anything."  "It's still—" Your fault, you're going to point out, but he cuts you off.  "Quit trying to make yourself think you're him, asshole. You're not. You don't have to be. You're not going to be. It's okay." He scowls at you for the few seconds that you're struggling for something to say, then shakes his head. "You believe me?"  "I trust you," you tell him, immediately, because it's the goddamn truth. Maybe not the answer to his question, but the truth.  "Alright. You okay to head in and see the others?"  "Yeah."  By the time you open the door from the hall to the main room you are, mostly, over it. You're still conscious of the fact that the two of you are late and that he's more scruffed-up than usual, but when Rose looks over and raises an eyebrow it's not all that hard to pull up a grin.  "Hey, sorry, I was doing shit—" Fuck, she's going to ask what kind of shit. Except Karkat interrupts you before she can.  "He pushed me down the fucking stairs." But he glances over at you and lets you see his small smile as he says it. What he doesn't say is that it's okay.  You can hear it, though. And when nobody else is looking you smile back at him for a second. Later, you'll need to tell him thank you.

#Probably didn't need to put out under a cut tbh #homestuck #Davekat #writing

[justagayguysworld-blog]

Not sure what you will think of this one, but my mind inhabits the most unusual of places.

It was the last beer and we'd shared it on the way to town for another twelve-pack. I barely knew Antonio. He'd only been there a couple of weeks, but it was the damnedest thing I'd ever seen. Nobody, and I do mean nobody, could talk to a horse the way he did. I thought it was a fluke the first time. Then he did it again and I knew it couldn't be natural.

We had a contract with the state for wild mustang management. It wasn't the easiest job in the world, but I liked the outdoors and it beat hell out of watching my old man slap his third or fourth wife around. Maybe Sheila was the fifth; I'd stopped counting or giving much of a shit by that point. For my purposes at nineteen, it was a godsend they'd hired me and paid my bus fare to Utah. We rounded them up, checked them for diseases, tagged them, sold off the limit, gave them their shots and then trucked them back to the desert.

I'd been at the ranch for maybe three months when he came up one night seemingly outta nowhere and sat next to me at the fire. I greeted him in what little Spanish I knew. "Save it, dude. I speak English." And that was that.

One of the stallions was raising bloody hell in the pen and stirring up the other horses. I stood up to see if I could go quiet him down. Antonio braced a hand on my knee and said as he was standing, "Can I borrow that? Thanks." He took the beer out of my hand, turned it up and walked over to the corral with it in his hand. Sitting the bottle on the post, he hopped the fence, picked the bottle up and walked straight over to the hellraiser.

Just walked inside like he owned the place. He was fixing to get trampled to death near as I could tell, when he grabbed that bad boy by his mane and said something. The horse shook its head side to side. Antonio jerked harder on a handful of hair, the horse quieted down and lowered its head. Then the crazy fuck turned up that bottle, and I swear to God, I saw a mustang down the rest of my beer.

Tossing the bottle over, he walked back to the fence and hopped it again like nothing had happened. Picking up the empty he came back to the campfire and said, "Sorry about that. Can I get you another?"

Stunned, I asked, "What the fuck was that about?"

"Horses can smell fear. And some of them like beer." He walked away leaving me gape-jawed and went to the bunkhouse for another round. When he came back with our longnecks, he twisted the lid off one with his forefinger and thumb. I'd never seen anyone do that either.

Bottle in hand, I asked, "Where you from?"

"Can't say exactly. I tend to move around a lot. Guess you could call me a restless spirit." Bending down, he placed the same hand on my knee again to sit like an old man trying to find his bearings and steady himself. I hadn't noticed it earlier, but the chill of his touch radiated through my jeans to my kneecap.

The hand was just as icy when he extended it. "Antonio. What's your name, cowboy?"

"Jason. Jason Sparks. But most people just call me Rufus or asshole. Seems I'm the low man on the totem pole around here."

He laughed and said, "Not anymore. I just blew into town. I'll be working the night shift."

"Night shift? I wasn't aware we had one."

"Yeah, I'm something of a specialist. These positions can be hard to fill. Not everybody can handle an alcoholic horse with bad dreams."

I literally fell off the log laughing. Struggling to get up, Antonio grabbed the collar of my jacket and pulled me back to an upright position. Without any real effort on my part, I found my ass firmly planted on the log again. If he was superman, I didn't see where he could be hiding the muscles. We were about the same size and weight from what I could tell. He chuckled and mumbled something about horses not being the only alcoholics in those parts.

"I'll drink to that. Let me get us one more beer and then I guess I'll turn in for the night. Where are you bunking?"

"Next to you if there's room still available at the inn. Larry said to grab any empty bed I could find. And yours kind of looked like a mess when I was stowing my gear. But at least it didn't smell like shit."

Stopping to take a piss I wondered how he knew which bed was mine, but in the quest for brewskis I'd forgotten the question by the time I returned. As if reading the mind I was in the process of losing, he stated very matter-of-factly, "You don't smell like a cowboy or a horse with a drinking problem."

Not knowing exactly how to or if I should reply, I thought a moment and said, "Generally speaking, I don't go around smelling cowboys or their sheets, and I damned sure ain't smelling a horse's breath to see if they've been drinking."

He must've sensed my unease. Clinking his bottle against mine, he offered, "Sorry, I have a really weird nose. It smells the strangest damned things. Guess that's why I'm good with the horses. I smell what they smell."

"Ain't nothing wrong with your nose, Antonio," I blurted out. "You have a real nice nose. Most of these ugly old bastards have had their's broken in so many bar fights, I don't really want to think about it, much less how they smell."

Bumping his shoulder against mine, he clinked his nearly empty bottle to mine and said, "Yeah, I'll take loving over fighting any time I can. Probably why I get along with the horses and avoid divorces.

We had minimal contact after that. Other than rolling over or the occasional fart, I didn't hear much out of him for the next two weeks. Except in my dreams if I'm going to be perfectly damned honest about this. And generally speaking, I didn't have much of a habit dreaming about other men, at least not in that way. But there he was, more than once, pretty damned specifically. If I'd been anyone else, it would've been hard to ignore. Only I'd learned to master any direct concern for my actual feelings, and dick management had never been an issue for me personally.

The crew I was working was out on range management. I'd barely been back to the place long enough to sleep, much less for fireside chitchat. Then Saturday night came, we were going to take a couple days off and there he was. Just like in my damned dreams. I have no reason to lie. It was disconcerting when I saw him sprawled out there next to the fire. Not a care in the world, acting as if he'd grown up right out of the ground on that very spot, he smiled.

Looking me directly in the eye as if he hadn't invaded my dreams, he said casually as a cousin, "Hey Jason Sparks, if you're going to the house, could you grab me another cold one?" It had been a particularly hard week, I was bone-ass tired and his nose still wasn't broken in six different places. Two beers later we were left alone with a raging fire and the feelings I was experiencing that matched that blaze. I really wanted to kick his ass. Antonio had seriously fucked with my head, and he didn't seem to know or at least care.

He got up for the third round. It wasn't my knee he touched that sent icy shivers up my spine this time. It was my thigh. About three inches below the part that separates the men from the boys. Close enough for discomfort, I met his glaze and that fire was dancing in his eyes. His nose still wasn't broken, but the quiet smirk on his face made me seriously think about rearranging it.

Fucker scratched my head as he walked away like I was some kind of damned puppy in love. Brought back another round and said, "These are the last ones, Jason Sparks. Let's polish them off and make a run into town. I'm still thirsty. If you'll drive, I'll buy."

That was the night and I guess the moment that changed or ended my life. Something deep inside me could hear it slowly rumbling. I'd seen it in those dreams. I simply didn't have the power to say no or the least of will to fight him. And we weren't struggling. I guess that was what's so odd about it. Everything in my body and soul knew it was happening, even if my conscious mind was slow in catching up. I wanted him. I'd be the worst kind of liar if I said I didn't. And I knew he knew it.

He took my hand and pulled me up off the ground. I could've just as easily staggered to my feet of my own accord. But he wanted that ice running through my veins clashing with my toasted toes inside those boots. And I felt it. Felt it thoroughly as we climbed in the truck and started the motor. Only once did he touch my body on the way to the store. It was completely casual and anything but innocent as the shivers raced up and down my spine.

He went in and came out. I felt very strange. Almost in an out-of-body floating feeling I drove away into the darkness of the rural night. I still remember. It was as vivid, quiet and unstoppable as a freight train bearing down on the family sedan stalled on the side of the tracks.

"Pull over." I could've kept driving, but the truth was that I'd pulled over two weeks before. "I said pull over, Jason Sparks." He didn't have to ask again. And the truth, as he very well knew, is that I'd been wanting to pull over my whole life. The cab of the truck was full of echoes and whispers as I floated above my body while it and he crawled into the back seat. Voices were everywhere, the engine was running and for the first time in my life I didn't give a damn.

I thought in some delirious way I was about to kiss a boy, but that wasn't it. That wasn't it at all. My feelings, those secreted desires weren't important. We weren't boys. I'd become a man without realizing or acknowledging it, and that brief period of my life was about to end abruptly.

It was brutal. How could I possibly forget when he folded down the lambswool collar of my jacket and sunk his teeth into my flesh? I could've fought him off, but I'd already struggled my whole life to be something different than what I was. Antonio was reconciling my conflicts, meeting my innermost longings and he'd bought the beer.