#Me nearing 30 and still not feeling like an adult 😅

[destinyc1020]

austins dating choice is just lik any other man in the entertainment industry tbh dsnt make it right bt the way he jumped from a long term relationship with an age appropriate woman (a woman who was actually 3 yrs older) to a fling wit a then 22 yr old lily to a then 20 yr old (when he n kaia 1st started dating) is... interesting to say the least.

he seems nice n talented bt his dating habits SCREAM hollywood man now n a lot of ppl find age gaps (esp wen 1 person in the relationship is in their 20s) weird

I mean...let's be honest... Men have been dating MUCH younger women for ages...especially in Hollywood. It's nothing new. Austin isn't the first, and he most certainly won't be the last! 🤷🏾‍♀️ Mark Anthony JUST got MARRIED to a 23 year old. He's 54. 🤮 That's a 30-year old difference. By the time she was born, he was already past high school, past COLLEGE, and was in his 30's. 🥴

X

Like c'mon...I'm not gung ho about the Kaustin Berger rlshp either, but I'm not losing sleep over it....and it's not like she's 20 years younger than him. She's a young adult and is making her own decisions. It's not my business. Her parents seem okay with it (although, that's not really saying much smh🥴)..... Who knows how long they'll even last? 🤷🏾‍♀️

As I've said before, Lily and Olivia both seemed like rebounds to me (no offense). No way was he completely over a near-decade long relationship THAT fast. 😄 He was barely with these women. He was still with Vanessa the longest. No way you're completely over a lengthy rlshp THAT quick....even if you were the one who called it off. The longer the rlshp lasted, usually the longer it takes to get over. You shared a life w/someone for almost your entire 20's. I'm sorry, but that's jmho.

With that said, I can like someone w/out necessarily caring for their dating life. Just like I'm not really feeling Chris Evans and his child bride who's 15 years his jr either lol. 😅 But hey, it's their life, not mine! 🤷🏾‍♀️ I don't lose sleep over it.

I'm still a fan of Chris, I just give him the side-eye for his current gf. 👀 You can be a fan of someone and be kind of iffy about who they're dating. I didn't care for Zendaya with JE, but I still stayed a fan of hers regardless, even though I could see that JE was bad news. Look, I don't hate on these women at all.... I'm just happy my faves are happy. But do I wish they were dating women who were closer to their age?? Heck yea! But again, it's not my life.

LISTEN: IF he and Kaia ever do split up, I'll see what happens, and I'll adjust my opinion if needed. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[honeybeecomebuzzingme]

Overthinking more- overthinking is strange. I don't know what to say to them and I keep mixing up pronouns in all sorts of ways when I blog about it as I'm actually using voice to text. It helps as I'm dyslexic and also like I say it's after 3:00 a.m. so can I be assed to actually use my fingers to type!? whoa!? 😂😅🤣

If they were here they would say to chill and go to sleep probably watch anime.

Although, I had a massive urge to clean as my dad startled me a fair few times and usually cleaning helps me to sleep and feel more at ease. I played League instead and distracted myself but I did end up doing some chores until about 1:00 a.m.

Anyway, I did get the urge to clean my car at 3:30 in the morning however I decided to eat ice cream and try to sleep instead... 😁 much better and less weird... I am not going to let myself get stressed by my dad anymore but here I said I'd vent about it.

It stresses me that my dad can't be clear about whether he has important things in place for example I have been told multiple times by people who know my dad who said that I would have to organise his paperwork when the time comes.

And right now it makes me feel sick knowing all the stuff that happened in the past and trying not to relive it in my head every time I'm near my dad or see any reminders of what went on and what was said. My Dad does things that are not logical to me. To others it's weird.

People seem to sometimes misunderstand that my dad is my boyfriend/husband when I blog like this so I try to make it very clear when I am venting about my dad. People confuse me in their assumptions.

I wish I could sleep. It's nearly 4am...

I miss my Nakama. I wish we could play League, eat chocolate/ice cream, watch anime and chill. I miss their warm hugs.

I finish my ice cream now and it is now 4:00 a.m. so I should definitely sleep because I've had my meds at least an hour ago now. It is really not good how bad my sleep is that I cannot sleep so much.

I still think that these venting blogs are better than texting my friends constantly and deleting messages nearly every time that I talk to them. All I'm really asking is how are you and that's straightforward.

I think checking in with my best friend is okay and they would say something if it was a problem. It's 4:00 a.m. so they are probably asleep and if not then you know the coin would say they are on the toilet.

But then remember only men poo...

I really hope that I can move out soon so that I don't have all of these problems with my dad that mean that I have to rely on my friends more than I want to really.

I miss being an independent, confident, capable, self assured, adult woman? 😭😢😞 I remember being a little bit better at regulation of emotions before 2018?

#deep thoughts #ramblings #sleep deprivation #self deprecating humor #depression and anxiety #self healing #self love #lovestruck #love