#SOUNDS FAKE BUT MMMKAY

[queen-cyclops]

I’m laughing so hard because in Eurekas montage while Michelle was talking it was majority bedazzled body suits

#rpdr #rpdr10 #drag race #yall just sound fake at this point #and then to say thats a good or clever dress???? #mmmkay

[milkovichys]

it's the first weekend in MONTHS that i'm going out both on friday and on saturday i am so not ready for so much social interaction lmao

#personal #can u guys believe i have friends? #like #actual honest to god friends? #sounds fake to me still but mmmkay

[stillsearchingforsomething]

Cause if I was a man, then I’d be the man

Taylor pauses at the door of her dressing room taking in the sight of her fiancee asleep on the couch, her long legs hanging over the armrest, snoring lightly. 

Karlie had just flown back from being in Paris for 24 hours so it’s no surprise that she’s exhausted and trying to get ahead of the jetlag Taylor knows she's going to be feeling for the next couple of days. 

Taylor had tried to convince her to go straight home but Karlie had insisted on coming to set, maintaining that she wanted to see Taylor straight away.

Taylor makes her way over to her girl, perching on the side of the couch and reaching out to trail her fingers down the side of Karlie’s face.

Karlie begins to stir and she leans into Taylor’s touch, her eyelids fluttering. She lets out a sleepy sigh before opening her eyes expecting to see Taylor so she gets the fright of her life to see some guy sitting on the couch watching her sleep.

“Oh my god,” Karlie exclaims, lurching backwards so quickly that she almost shoves the creepy guy off the couch. He lets out an indignant “Karlie” that sounds nothing like what Karlie imagines he should sound like, in fact he almost sounds like Taylor. 

That cuts through Karlie’s panic long enough to allow her to study the features of this guy and realisation dawns on her, she would recognise those blue eyes anywhere. 

“You scared the crap outta me Taylor,” Karlie hisses, flopping back down onto the couch and trying to calm her racing heart. 

“You cannot sneak up on me in disguise, I nearly had a heart attack,” Karlie says glaring up at Taylor, rubbing her chest. 

“Sorry, I forgot,” Taylor chuckles, she's been dressed like this since this morning so it had slipped her mind. She smiles sheepishly at Karlie before leaning in for a kiss.

“Baby, no,” Karlie says scrunching her nose and ducking away.

“What’s wrong?” Taylor asks looking confused.

“Nothing,” Karlie says shaking her head. “It’s just, I can’t kiss you when you’re dressed like this.”

“What?” Taylor asks incredulously.

“It’s too weird,” Karlie whines scrunching her nose before reaching out to touch her fingers lightly against Taylor’s fake stubble. 

“You’re serious?” Taylor protests, even as she leans in to Karlie’s touch.

“It would be like kissing Austin,” Karlie argues.

“But it will help me get in character,” Taylor whines with an impressive pout that would usually be enough to make Karlie cave but the effect is somewhat dulled when she looks so unlike herself.

“Oh really?” Karlie asks and she can’t help but smile at Taylor’s persistence. 

“Mmmhmm, I’m a method actor baby,” Taylor whispers nodding her head as she leans in to press her lips against Karlie’s but Karlie turns her head at the last second and Taylor’s lips end up on her cheek.

Taylor lets out a low grumble but presses another kiss to Karlie’s cheek anyway.

“You managed to channel a cat, I think you’ll be fine,” Karlie whispers in Taylor’s ear, stifling a laugh at Taylor’s sulky expression.  

“Fine, I just might have to see if any of the other models want to help me out,” Taylor says trying her best to look unbothered by this turn of events.

“Mmmkay, have fun babe,” Karlie mumbles around a yawn and patting Taylor’s hand where it's resting on her stomach. Karlie decides to  snuggle back under the blanket, planning on going back to sleep until Taylor is done. 

Taylor rolls her eyes in defeat but still presses a soft kiss to Karlie’s forehead before she heads back on to the set to try and get the last of the re-shoots done so she and Karlie can go home.

An hour later, Taylor is finally done and showered and back to normal and looking around for Karlie who is no longer asleep on the couch where she left her. Taylor spies her sitting on the director’s chair looking at footage on one of the monitors that the producer is showing her. 

Taylor taps her on the shoulder and Karlie whips around, her face breaking into a bright smile as soon as her eyes land on Taylor.

“There’s my girl,” Karlie whispers reaching out to grab Taylor’s hand and pull her closer. Taylor drops her backpack by Karlie’s feet and leans in to wrap her arms around Karlie’s shoulders.

Karlie’s hands settle low on Taylor’s hips, her thumbs stroking back and forth under the material of her shirt. Karlie leans down to kiss Taylor but Taylor ducks out of the way, smirking at Karlie’s high pitched whine.

“Well, well, well, how the tables have turned,” Taylor says smiling smugly up at Karlie.

“Baby, this hurts you as much as it hurts me,” Karlie points out but Taylor just shakes her head in denial.

Karlie leans in and nudges her nose against Taylor’s and she can feel Taylor’s resolve start to crumble as she leans into Karlie more. 

“You were incredible out there,” Karlie whispers, before pressing her lips to the spot just behind Taylor’s ear that she knows she can’t resist. 

Taylor makes a low sound almost like a whimper in the back of her throat that Karlie’s pretty sure she’s not even aware of.

Taylor sways forward before leaning up to kiss Karlie fiercely, her hand tangling in the hair at the base of her neck to hold her place.  

Karlie doesn’t even try to hide how breathless she is when they pull apart and she pulls Taylor into a hug, squeezing her tight before whispering in her ear. “I am so glad you’re not a man.”

#kaylor #kaylor fic #karlie and taylor #tswizzle #karlie freaking kloss #rpf #my writing #the man fluff

[blackleatherjacketz]

Snake Charmer

Negan (The Walking Dead) x Jake Peralta (Brooklyn 99)

Summary: Jake questions Negan about the death of a young pizza delivery boy and bites off more than he can chew.

Word Count: 1463

Notes: This is for @annablack1102 and her “Teeny Tiny Writing Challenge” My prompt was Crime AU, so I brought him into my favorite Crime show with my favorite bisexual male detective.

Warnings: MLM Flirting, Mentions of Glenn’s Death, Negan’s Mouth, Captain Holt, Sexual Tension, Manic Jake, My take on Negan’s Real Name

Tags: @genevievedarcygranger @letsby @negans-network @collette04 @mblaqgi

Captain Holt folded his arms across his chest, his tired lungs slowly releasing an exasperated sigh. “This is Nicholas Egan; owner of the night club on 4th Street known as ‘Honey Bunz’.” He looked over at Jake before bringing his gaze back to the handsome man in the interrogation room. “Boyle and Jeffords took him in for questioning after they found the mutilated body of a young pizza delivery boy in the dumpster of his establishment early this morning.”

“So why isn’t Charles on the case?” Jake asked, pointing to the man through the double-sided mirror.

“Detective Boyle said that the man was ‘scary, and reminded him of his mother’.” Holt uncrossed his arms. “I sent Sergeant Jeffords in there to pick up the pieces, but Egan kept complimenting him on his impeccable physique, and didn’t actually answer any of his questions.” He paused and looked at Jake. “The man is a charmer, Peralta, he hasn’t even had to ask for a lawyer yet because had Jeffords practically blushing, the snake.” Holt spat out.

“His physique IS impeccable, though,” Jake whispered, staring off into the corner while he thought about Terry’s arms. “Have you seen him in the battle gear of Return to Skyfire?!”

“Peralta,” he pointed to the man in the hot seat. “A young man was brutally beaten and then tossed in the trash like he was nothing!” Captain Holt’s voice rarely faltered, his emotions coming through only once in a blue moon.

“Right right right right, there’s a horrible monster of a man out there beating people to death, and you think it might be him? Good. Got it!” He bit his lower lip and nodded, taking the case file from his superior officer. “Time to charm the snake!” ——————-

“So, Mr. Egan,” Jake waltzed into the interrogation room with a spring in his step, hoping to throw the man off guard.

“Call me Negan,” he smiled, turning in his chair to face him.

“Oh! Okay,” Jake glanced at his file then back at the suspect, raising his eyebrows. “Negan.”

He could suddenly tell why Terry was charmed out of the interrogation room and why Charles was too scared to even attempt to approach the table. Negan’s hair was dark, complemented by perfectly tanned skin and glowing amber eyes, his smile electric. Jake was pretty sure it was just a tactic, but he felt himself wanting to get closer, even if that meant getting electrocuted. He was big, from only his seated position Jake could tell that he would tower over him if they were on a level playing field. His tall stature wasn’t the only grandiose feature on this man, though. Something about him, the way he looked, they way he spoke, the way he was simply projected an enormity of presence Jake couldn’t quite explain.

Get it together, Jake! You’re a detective, he’s a suspect! He probably killed this poor pizza guy! He thought to himself, sitting on the chair backward. He remembered that Charles had told him something about reversing bad Juju by putting your sock on inside out or sitting on a chair backwards.

“Well then you can call me JPeralta… JP… Jay…” he tried to think of something comparable before deciding to wave it off. “You know what? Nevermind, you can just call me Detective Peralta. You’re a suspect, you know this.” He scooted himself closer to the table, opening the file in front of him to display the grotesque photographs of the crime scene.

“Oh my God!” Jake shouted, closing it and wishing he would have seen the photographs when he was in the other room.

“Shit, you okay?” Negan leaned forward, folding his hands together as a smirk crept over his lips. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

Jake paused as he kept his hand on the worn and overused folder, noticing the glee this man took in his fear and surprise. He smiled and didn’t even pretend to be shocked or sorry that something like this happened on his property. He didn’t seem to be sorry that something like this had happened at all.

“What can you tell me about Glenn Rhee?” Jake regained his composure, sitting up in his chair and clearing his throat.

“Who?” He licked his lips and smiled, a row of perfectly white teeth electrifying the air around him amidst the dark walls of the interrogation room.

“Glenn Rhee: 27 years old, loving husband and soon to be father was found beaten to death in the dumpster behind your establishment. That… sound familiar? Ring any bells?” His eyes widened as he looked for more reactions from him. The husband and father angle usually warranted at least a fake frown from most people, but not this guy; this guy was either really dumb or really smart.

“Sweetheart, I honestly can’t say I know who you’re talking about.” He smiled and rubbed the salt and pepper stubble on his chin before chuckling under his breath, a tell-tale sign of deceit.

“Sweetheart?! Eyes up here, Daddy... erm... buddy!” Jake pointed to his eyes. “Look, you’re a smart man, you know that a dead body on your property isn’t good for business. I just want to help clear everything up so you can get back to business as usual.”

“You like my line of business, Peralta?” He leaned into him, dark eyes covering him in a blanket of warmth as he touched his hand. “All the ass and tits you want, whenever you want, wherever you want it.” He licked his lips again, making Jake wonder what those lips might taste like.

“You kiss your mother with that mouth?” Jake felt a rush of warmth pulse between his legs, causing a familiar strain on his pants he only felt when Amy spoke Spanish in the bedroom. Wait a minute, what was happening?

“Not just my mother, and not only on the mouth.” His fingertips teased their way up Jake’s knuckles, sending another exciting rush up his arm and into his spine. “How about you?”

“Listen, I resent the derogatory way you’re speaking about your mother and women in general, but you’re kind of sending me mixed signals, and I’m not really sure how to handle it, so I’m just going to keep going with my questions, mmkay? Mmmkay!”

Jake pulled his hand away and started writing on the folder in front of him, stopping only as Negan took the pen from between his fingers and grabbed his hand. He smiled that snakelike smile Holt had warned him about and kept his eyes on him, holding him hostage as he massaged his palm before writing a set of characters on it.

“What kind of signals are those, darlin’?” He asked, letting go of Jake’s hand and clicking the pen shut.

“Darlin’?” Jake laughed and felt a bead of sweat drip down his forehead. The intoxicating smell of his cologne drowned out any linear thought process he might have had a second ago. “I bet you call all the girls that… I mean, do you know of anyone who might have enemies… or… that are bad at…doing things…?” Jake shook his head and stared at the man’s handsome features, his prominent jawline only accented by his well-groomed beard and thick lustrous lips. “Are you wearing Drakkar Noir, by chance?”

“Peralta!” A very angry Captain Holt opened the door. ————————— “Drakkar Noir?” Captain Holt’s eyebrows were high on his forehead.

“Awe, come on, Captain, I almost had him!” Jake defended, pointing back at him.

“You got less accomplished than Sergeant Jeffords! He at least talked about physical fitness and found out where the suspect goes to the gym! All you managed to do was bat your eyelashes like some hussy on the school yard.” He pointed an angry finger at him.

“Hussy?” Jake gasped, grabbing his chest with his palm. Sure, the man was distracting, and sure, it was hard to concentrate or do anything in his presence, but Jake wasn’t acting like a hussy when he walked in the door… was he?

“Show me your hand, Peralta,” Holt held out his own for Jake to put his in.

“My what?” He gripped his flannel shirt tighter in defense.

“Your hand, Peralta, what did he write on it?” He beckoned for him with his fingers.

Jake was so nervous when Holt burst into the interrogation room that he had forgotten to check what Negan wrote on it. Maybe it was a clue, maybe it was a smiley face, maybe it was the blueprints of his building, or an admission of guilt. He let go of his flannel shirt and lifted his palm up to his face, glancing at it briefly before defeatedly placing it in his captain’s hand.

“Well?” Holt asked.

“It’s his phone number.”

#Negan #negan fan fiction #negan's thirst squad #Negan x male #annablack1102jdmchallenge #jake peralta #negan x jake peralta #brooklyn nine nine fan fiction #the walking dead fan fiction #twd fan fiction #Jeffrey Dean Morgan #Andy Samberg

[lisbonsteresa]

(1. really Phryne? ‘oh, the Inspector?’ you just ‘didn’t notice’ his being handsome? mmmkay sounds fake 2. my god she looks really pretty here)

#mf bw

[esseastri]

Megan Reads Oathbringer (part 8)

AAAAANND WE’RE BACK!

Hello, fronds, apologies for the brief hiatus, but I had to pause the reading/liveblogging because I was busy finishing my novel. YEP, I FINISHED WRITING MY BOOK, WHOOO! And then it was December, and there was Christmas, and traveling, and retail job at Christmas, and Star Wars, and what little time I had to myself I spent chilling because I was exhausted, but ANYWAY, I’M BACK, FRONDS, LET’S GET ON WITH THIS.

Part 8 encompasses pages 557-666 (previous parts) 

whooooops where did I leave off, OKAY INTERLUDES

Why...why are we doing anything near Aimia? Listen: Axies the Collector is cool, but two-thousand-cremlings-in-a-trench-coat was waaayyy too far over the horror line for me. I do not want more of this.

So...there’s a third storm? But this one is stationary and around Aimia?

MORE REASON NOT TO GO THERE

Whoa, that sure is a side effect of Soulcasting... #yikes

Or is it not soulcasting? Is it something Radiant?

Oh fuck. Fine. This is fine. You know, the previous Stormlight books didn’t have this much body horror in them.

Ahh, shit, wasn’t there an Oathgate on Akinah? I don’t want a direct line to  two-thousand-cremlings-in-a-trench-coat.

“the creatures that accompanied the spren” So...like......their Cognitive shadows? the versions of them still in the Cognitive Realm even as bits of them manifest visibly in the physical? Or...something else?

I’m sorry, did they just...die?

What the

What even is Aimia, really?

Mmmkay, actually, I don’t want to know. I don’t want to know the secret of Aimia, I am not interested in being EATEN by two-thousand-cremlings-in-a-trench-coat.

Genuis!Taravangian is an asshole. I’m not surprised, I’m just. Stating a fact.

!!!! Are his secretary and the Dustbringer a thing? Are they together? Get it, girls!

I still don’t trust the Dustbringer.

Aslo “the most likely to accept their cause” Why? Is the “cause” like...destroying the world? I don’t remember if we know the Diagram’s endgoals.

...There’s a danger line for the “too smart” end of the sliding scale? Smart.

Also his name is Vargo? Vargo Taravangian? hehehehehe

IT’S NOT ABOUT DESERVE.

I think I hate him.

Dumb question: if Taravangian wants to take over Alethkar--presumably so he can take over the world--then aren’t he and Dalinar working toward the same goal? They both want a unified Roshar. So why kill Dalinar instead of working with him? The logical solution is to work with him, since he’s more charismatic and has a higher chance of actually succeeding, and then kill him off after he’s succeeded in laying the groundwork, and take over from there?

Not that I’m encouraging this, I’m just saying: Taravangian needs to sort out his priorities.

“kill those children” seriously, fuck this asshole, what a douchecanoe.

Also Renarin the wild card HECK YES.

The farming question can be easily answered: Progression.

Not all the Radiants’ powers were battle powers.

“the part of the world that mattered” OH FUCK YOU. That’s not how it works. It’s not about deserve. It’s about having the ability to help, which gives you the responsibility to help. If you can, then you should. No exceptions. No “matters”. Everyone matters. Everything matters. Everyone deserves to be saved.

Except maybe Kylo Ren, but that’s a different story.

Buddy. Odium already made a deal. He wants out of it now. Also he’s not a spren or a god, so why should your pathetic rules hold him?

Oh. Duh. Somehow I didn’t connect Listeners and gemhearts? But of course they do. How else would they bind spren? They infuse their hearts.

Oooohhhhh snap, they done got possessed.

Aw, Venli...things not going your way anymore?

Idk, I should feel bad for her, but I don’t? She brought this on herself. And on her friends. And on her sister, who is still dead. This is her fault.

“The listener gods were not completely sane.” I mean, idk what you expected.

Though, neither are our gods, so I guess we can’t talk.

Seriously, what did Alethkar do to them?

Oh. Wait. Where was Jezrien from? King of the Heralds, right? Prooobably his idea to make the OAthpact? His fault they were bound? That’s probably what Alethkar did to them...

Oooh, the new epigraphs are from the library at Urithiru! Heck ye, Radiant archives!

Though Taln and the Stonewards need to take a chill pill on the self-sacrificing front, apparently.

(Eks would be a Stoneward, pass it on)

Wait, no, hold on--the whole of part three with no Moash pov? But I’m WORRIED about MY BOY.

I’m unnecessarily suspicious of literally every guard that’s not Bridge Four. But particularly of this Rial guy. What is he, Bridge Thirteen? I don’t trust him. At all. He’s too...glib? with Dalinar to be a proper bridgeman. Around other bridgemen, fine, but with Dalinar? I don’t trust it.

I’m with Navani. “The greasy man is...unfitting.”

ooohh, Dalinar...... he “reminds him of friends from the old days.” Tho, bud, how many of those died, betrayed you, or left to become ardents?

Dalinar should know by now to just...not trust people implicitly. Always question.

I really, genuinely can’t imagine how awkward Kaladin and Shallan’s excursion to Theylan City was. Didn’t they fly? Shallan was probably all SCIENCE!! about it and Kaladin was definitely grumpy “let me fly in peace” boy. Nerds.

Sorry, hold on--you’re counting on Kaladin “Impulsive” Stormblessed and Adolin “Disaster Bi” Kholin to make sure Elhokar doesn’t do anything stupid? That’s like asking two kittens to babysit the new puppy.

“I can’t afford to lose you.” AAaaahhh

omg, no, don’t give Kaladin land. What will he do with it? Turn it into the Land of Misfit Bridgecrews?

Five times...so what’s it been, 50 days? Not even? That’s so little time!!

“Or is someone else receiving [the prayers] instead?” ...Isn’t that just the most chilling thought.

There has to be an explanation beyond “The Heralds are nuts” for Shalash to be erasing herself from visual records.

I’m sorry, rockbuds blossom? and have fragrance? Stop and smell the rockbuds?

“I am a diplomat.” Yeah, and I’m a rockbud.

How is Taravangian such a good actor? Or is he really this emotional on days when he’s not a raging asshole of a genius?

Aw yis, non-hereditary monarchy! I love!

“Does it involve punching someone?” It’s Dalinar, so, what do you think?

“Stone-sinew, Herald of Soldiers.” But...Taln’s focus is bone? Ishar is sinew?

I suppose “Stone-bone, Herald of Soldiers” would be a little too ridiculous-sounding...

brb, changing my url to “stone-bone-herald-of-soldiers”

“It was as if Odium had a grudge against this one in particular.” SAD ABOUT TALN FOREVER: THE MEGAN STORY

I s2g Dalinar is the most Extra son of a bitch in all of Roshar.

HOw do I prove I’m not trying to take over your country? I know! I’ll let you stab me through the chest! This is the BEST IDEA.

oooooooo Tension, maybe?

TENSION!! THIS SHIT IS SO COOL OMG

Also his special power--resonance? right?--is listening and that’s delightful. Or...I’m guessing that’s what it is.

Heck ye, Renarin!

“Strength and passion, the Vorin way.” In other words...Honor and Odium....hmm

So it’s Kaladin, Elhokar, Shallan, Adolin, Skar, Drehey, and...who? Some other bridgemen? It’s gonna be a fun roadtrip, tbh.

Buddy, Shallan ignoring her problems IS a problem! Don’t support this impulse! Don’t encourage this!

omg of COURSE Adolin hates flying. Nerd.

“No wisecracks about missing boots?” No, because that wasn’t funny.

“First assess the area for danger, get the lay of the land. Then gawk.” I LOVE MY SON SO MUCH, WHAT A TRAVEL NERD, BUT ALSO #SAME BRO

...we knew that Elhokar had a kid, but every time I’m reminded of it, I get really weirded out. He’s not old enough to be a dad.

PLease meet up with Moash. Please. I’m dying. My crops are failing. My skin is dry. Help me.

the advantage of living through Bridge Four is that you can sleep well anywhere? Well, I mean. I GUESS That’s an advantage. Sort of.

OH of COURSE it’s an Unmade. We do have eight more of those to encounter and deal with.

Whose is this though? Kaladin’s? Or are Elhokar or Adolin finally going to manifest?

(This is assuming that my theory about there being one Unmade for each order of Radiants to defeat is sound.)

Elhokar is trying so hard to be good.

Also Shallan is mean to Kaladin again, news at nine. *rolls eyes*

So, it’s going to be Kaladin’s Unmade then.

Elhokar, you know that the more you tell yourself you’re going to fail, the more likely you will? Stop it. Have confidence.

“Adolin made you want to laugh with him.” Yeah, he doesn’t punch down.

Also, the Kadolin is REAL, and I’m living.

Kaladin really is too good for this world.

I’m sorry, the fancy lighteyes’ gated villas have guards to keep the refugees off their perfectly manicured lawns? Fuck that. Fuck them.

“I needed someone I’d trust with my life, or more. So I brought us to my tailor.” THIS CHILD IS A DISASTER AND I LOVE HIM

Oh snap! we’ve made it halfway through the book!

“Even his voice was adorable.” HONESTLY, people who don’t ship Shadolin: how? It’s so pure and good and supportive and wonderful!

How did Aesudan know the parshmen were voidbringers? And why did she order them killed only to desert the city?

I suppose fabrials do trap and use spren, right? So it makes sense that the yellowgold...voidspren? would be offended by that sort of...I guess, spren enslavement? Sort of? But why are they so concentrated here? Which Unmade is it and what does it do other than corrupt other spren? and influence people.

How To Corrupt Spren and Influence People, a new bestseller by Odium, found in stores near you!

“I am the only one here who has confronted one of the Unmade directly.” Yeah, you, the Kholin bros, and most of Bridge Four who protected you while you did your thing. But sure.

Kaladin, when will you stop seeing your brands as part of yourself and let yourself heal?

Aw, I’m proud of her, admitted Veil is--oh. “They are both equally fake.” Hon, no... please. Talk to someone about this.

Aharietiam, or as I like to call it, “that other stupidly long and impossible-to-pronunce “A”-word.”

Sorry, but the fact that Shallan takes pleasure in pissing Kaladin off-- “he glared at you in the most satisfying of ways” --is really....gross. Uncomfortable. I’m not here for it.

Like, yeah, teasing is fine, but like... if it strays over from teasing into Actively Pushing Someone’s Buttons Just to Make Them Angry, then it’s BAD, okay? It’s really bad. I can say from experience: it’s very bad.

Well, I mean, that explains why no one’s come back from the palace.

“As a connoisseur of things that have killed me...” honestly. what are we up to now? Poison bread. Shipwreck and drowning. Run through with a sword. Dear god, child, you need to be more careful.

Kaladin making bad puns and smiling is giving me life though. Petition for more.

So, the Skybreakers and the Windrunners did not get along? Justice vs. Honor, I suppose...not unexpected. Especially is one is corrupted.

Isn’t Ishar...Bondsmiths? Herald of Luck? Are you sure?

“He is now as mad as the rest. More, perhaps.” Yeah, I got that vibe from Edgedancer.

Shit. Of course he set himself up as a god-king.

(He and the Lord-Ruler should make t-shirts.)

Dangit, Ishar founded the Oathpact, so bang goes that theory about Jezrien and Alethkar and the listeners.

“The Stormfather hated to be misquoted.” Pppfffft.

HECK YE, Bridge Four got a sword!!

Also omg Navani invented alarm clocks. Bless her.

She packed him lunch! BLESS THESE ADORABLE NERDS. God, they are ridiculous.

Dalinar hitching a ride to Azir with Jasnah and her just going, “Byyyeeeeee” and leaving him alone is HILARIOUS to me.

I wonder if the color of the gemstones in the epigraphs correspond to the radiant orders. Like, if the Windruners recorded in sapphire, and the Lightweavers recorded in garnet, etc.

Okay, I went back and checked, and that seems legit. I’m going to guess that’s been #confirmed by people who finished this book earlier than me, but listen.

“covered by a magnificent bronze dome” Lift voice: “boobies” Me: snrk

SPIRITUAL ADHESION!? WTF THIS IS SO COOL

OMG, he brought them an essay, that’s magnificent. Especially because they all had to write essays to apply to be king. Or.. Prime? WHATEVER THAT’S HILARIOUS AND I LOVE AZIR SO MUCH

hello, I love Jasnah, this is news to no one, but girl wrote an essay in rhythmic meter and *melts*

...the Azish parshmen negotiating for pay is...very Azish of them. And the Alethi parshmen gathering for war is very Alethi. And the Theylan parshmen sailing off into the sunset is very Theylan of them.

HA, Dalinar just said the same thing in the next paragraph, go me.

LIFT ATE HIS LUNCH, I LOVE HER, HELLO BBY I’VE MISSED YOU

“The crazy spren who lives in the forest.” 1. I love Lift a lot. 2. uuhhh...we know the Heralds are crazy, and I assumed Odium was crazy, but Cultivation, too?? Is ANYONE here sane anymore?

oh wow they agreed.

didn’t...see that coming. Not with so much book left.

OOOHHH SNAP HE REMEMBERS. HERE WE GO HERE WE GO AAHHHH

Every time I’m reminded that Adolin is only, like, 24yo, I have to tell myself that I was about that old when WoR came out and he’s not actually a child.

Anyway, 12yo Adolin is a gift. “Neat!” this kiddo aahhh

“It was gratifying to see how much one could accomplish in both politics and trade by liberally murdering the other fellow’s soldiers.” PUNK!DALINAR NEEDS TO LOOK AT HIS LIFE AND HIS CHOICES AND RECONSIDER HIS WORD CHOICE AT THE VERY LEAST

hugs are un-Alethi. this is why they have so many issues. they are emotionally constipated from lack of hugs.

“The other son” fuck you, punk!Dalinar

also “she’d never be a great scribe” yeah, that’s ‘cause she’s left-handed, you Vorin jerks

haaaa, he has a point. That even if he and Gavilar know that he wouldn’t ever betray Gavilar for the throne, Gavilar’s advisors aren’t stupid and will find reasons for Dalinar to be...elsewhere.

“Storms, I don’t deserve her, do I?” NO YOU FREAKING DON’T

tbh, I’m not even sure present-day Dalinar deserves her. Like, he’s better now, but he’s still... a soldier. He’s still a strategist. And Evi deserves a soft, gentle person who loves her.

Evi deserves the world, tbh, and I’m Upset because she’s going to die and I’m going to be Sad.

#op #Megan reads OB #Oathbringer spoilers #Stormlight Archive #Oathbringer #Brandon Sanderson #I'm back y'all #hopefully I will finish this book by New Year's...we'll see if I manage it but that's the goal #thanks for your patience everyone!

[thelonelybrilliance]

TVD Sassy Recap - 2x16 - The House Guest

I'm not sorry Katherine's back. She always makes things more fun.

Stefan is distracting Elena from going to school by...shall we say...extracurricular activities, but fun times are over! Katherine is haunting house Salvatore, and impersonating Elena, which is always SHENANIGANS of the highest order. Elena ends up getting choked in the process while Katherine laughs. #relatable

Caroline and Matt dramaaa Matt's hair looks cute, though. Kind of spiky, trying to be a bad boy. Is that why they're having live music at the Mystic Grill? Spoiler alert, Matthew: live music at a grill is a TERRIBLE idea.

Damon's vintage car is cooler than Stefan's vintage car. Let the record reflect.

Damon is entertaining himself by lighting Elijah on fire, but it's not working. Oh, Damon.

Damon realizes that Katherine knew he would die if he used the dagger and it kind of messes with him because no matter how much he hates her, his heart is still fragile. UGH DAMON MY POOR BOY

Katherine is a truly terrible person but she's still in my top five of this show (Damon, Ric, Elijah, Katherine, and...Elena/ Sheriff Forbes? It depends on the day).

Ok, Elena just moved up in the world, because Ric tells her about John and Elena is like, "John's gonna end up dead on the kitchen floor if he's not careful," and GET IT GIRL. GO for it. KIll him. He's a douche.

No, you should not tell Jenna about the vampires. You should just...cut her loose from all your lives.

MEANWHILE Stefan and Bonnie are meeting with Witch Doctors (Jonas and Luca) to help them get his daughter from Klaus. I don't careeee about this alliance.

Katherine is playing poor Damon like a fiddle but their chemistry is great so there is that. Katherine also knows about the witch massacre that Elijah wanted to know about; Stefan returns and says that the witches SAY they don't have a way to kill Klaus but they do plan to, I don't know, suck all the witch energy together and turn it into a superpowered, inarticulable weapon against Klaus? Mmmkay. Sounds fake.

GIRLS' NIGHT AGAIN? Jenna looks sad.  And then joins them for girls' night, because she's supposed to be the ultimate "fun aunt", even though she FAILS ultimately at that. Also, lighten up, Caroline, with the whole "maybe he's keeping a secret to protect you" speech. It's too telling. GUESS WHAT ALL OF THEM ARE GOING TO DANCE AT THE LIVE MUSIC BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE AND OF COURSE THEY ARE

The day I no longer have to see Witch Luca's fauxtee goatee cannot come too soon.

Witchy spell, time to...IDK, wake Elijah?

OH NO HE'S THERE INVISIBLY, OR PSYCHICALLY, and he pulls the dagger out of Elijah--almost--but then Katherine stops him, and then he tries to stake her, and then WHAT HO, DAMON'S FIREPOWER COMES IN HANDY and LUca...Luca is HELLA dead. That's what you get, witch Dad.

PREDICTABLY, THE LIVE MUSIC IS LEGIT AWFUL

Caroline says hi to Matt, who is still mad, but I thought they were fine again? I can't really remember why. Nor, incidentally, do I care.

I ALSO DO NOT CARE ABOUT JENNA

Caroline, I assure you that the answer to your problems is not sporting your halter top to the front of the room and using live music night as open mic night for your EMOTIONS.

The entire bar is eerily silent.

Karaoke is terrible but 1) Caroline can actually sing and 2) it's funny that she compels the band to play back-up for her.

Caroline looks kind of like discount Taylor Swift and the song has the words "You Belong With Me" in it LOLLLLL

Matt then leaps onstage and kisses her and OK, I'VE HAD ENOUGH, let's get back to Damon.

BUT NO, FIRST WE HAVE TO GET BACK TO THE WITCH DOCTORS and Father Witch, whose son is dead THROUGH HIS OWN FAULT, is now putting a curse on Elena because of Vengeful Reasons that do not presuade me, sir, because again: YOUR SON IS DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU.

OK every time Katherine breaks Damon's heart, it also breaks mine. This time she reveals that John Gilbert gave her a deal to get out of the tomb, but she had to choose between Stefan and Damon. Letting Damon be the one to supposedly die killing Elijah was her choice; she tells Damon she chose Stefan, AGAIN, and his FACE. YOU GUYS. HIS FACE.

Bonnie wants to date Jeremy. CAN YOU IMAGINE??? I mean I know we already knew this but it just blows my frigging mind to imagine affection for him. "My brother has had more pain in his life than 100 people's worth of pain," Elena says, and all I can think is, *Kim Kardashian gif* "It's what [he] deserves."

Bonnie spots the Witch Doctor and tries to reason with him; however, this is all for naught and he starts popping lightbulbs. Literally. That's all the sauce he's bringing to the table as a threat.

Ok never mind he just lit the bar on fire. That was... a choice.

I TOLD YOU LIVE MUSIC NEVER DID ANYONE ANY GOOD

Witch Doctor gives Caroline a witch headache, Matt tries to intervene, and WITCH DOCTOR STAB HIM IN THE NECK WITH A BOTTLE. OMG.

So of course Caroline heals him with her blood, which freaks him the eff out, but hey, Matt. You're alive. THrough all this, you are like the only human left alive.

Katherine kills the Witch Doctor. Thank you, Katherine. It was about time. However, in his death throws, he attacks Bonnie AGAIN.

FINALLY A DAMON AND ELENA CONVERSATION FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LIKE THREE EPISODES

It's two second long. Of course.

Alaric is so much more loving to Jenna than she deserves.

JEremy and Bonnie causes me to die a little inside. Jeremy pls. Are you wearing a CORDED LEATHER BRACELET??

Apparently Dr. Witch Doctor gave her her powers back. Like...OK? He wants her to kill Klaus AND told her how, all in a dying moment of dying. Say what you will about Dr. Witch Doctor, but he was effective.

Katherine is such a sadist; she isn't content with crushing Damon's heart into powder every other second, she also likes to try to flirt with him when the mood takes her. Damon is DONE, however, and is typically snarky about it. SNARK THROUGH YOUR PAIN, MY LOVE. SNARK THROUGH YOUR PAIN.

Waking up from the dead, huh, Matt? Caroline's there to watch over him  like an angel in a halter top.

Caroline LITERALLY reveals her identity in the LEAST tactful way, but more unbelievable still is that Matt BELIEVES her immediately because of something Vicki said when she was tripping out? And of course Matt thinks that she killed Vicki, and I just...I can't. I can't deal.

Jenna, you even eat ice cream like an idiot.

ELENA NEVER LET ANYONE ANSWER YOUR DOOR.

Great, it's FREAKING ISOBEL, showing up to be the WORST.

#tvd #the vampire diaries #vampire diaries #sassy recaps #my recaps