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Light Casts a Shadow - Chapter 3

Due to this not being posted anywhere else yet, please like but DON’T REBLOG my fics.

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Chapter Summary:

Continuing their conversation, the Darkling and Alina discuss the coup and come to a compromise. Aleksander even shows his softer side as he answers Alina’s questions. But can they truly trust the other?

Author Note:

Yet another chapter I really had fun with. I love playing with the balance of the seriousness, as well as the longing they both feel and where they slip from tension to familiarity and back again. This is far from the end of their conversations, but it wraps up for the night.

Hope you enjoy!

A Fragile Compromise

Alina’s chest tightened, and all the air left her lungs. She was certain that her eyes were bugging out, and her mouth was hanging open. She wasn’t sure how the Darkling could sit there looking as calm and collected as he did after he’d just spoken those words.

Those terrifying, traitorous words.

“Kill the king?!” she repeated breathlessly. “You want to start a coup?!”

“I have spent centuries watching that imbecile and his forebears hunt, kill and mock our people. I have watched them run Ravka into the ground for their own arrogance and pleasure. I have watched them become even more useless and greedy than the one before. You’ve met Prince Vasili. Can you really tell me that he will be a good king?”

Alina’s nose screwed up as she thought of the crown prince. With his weak chin he’d inherited from his father and the lazy eyes that made him seem perpetually sleepy or drunk. The latter being the most likely as he was known to drink as well as whore and race horses, and do little else.

She slowly shook her head. “But… how will you get him to step down. O-or are you planning on killing him too?”

“Vasili is weak,” he said. “There’s a chance he may rebel for his pride, but I’m sure that he’d rather abdicate than lose his life.” She nodded absentmindedly, almost in a daze.

“Don’t they have another son?” she asked. “Genya called him… Sobachka.”

“Ah, yes. Nikolai. He won’t be a problem. The boy is a bastard.”

“A-and you want to rule instead?” Her voice was hesitant. She was speaking treason for crying out loud.

“I wouldn’t say want is the right word. I never wanted to. But in trying to make Ravka a safe haven for Grisha, I have become accustomed to command. I more than have the experience necessary.”

He sat proudly in his chair, exuding confidence in his statement. She wanted to say that he was completely arrogant, but… He had once been an advisor to King Anastas hundreds of years ago. He was still an advisor to the king and had been for hundreds of years. He ruled the Grisha. He really did have a lot of experience. And, she supposed, also the experience of a long life knowing better than the short-sighted kings who couldn’t see beyond their own reign.

Oh, Saints. She was beginning to agree with where he was coming from.

“O-okay,” she said quietly.

“I refuse to be ruled by useless kings and let our people suffer anymore. Do you, Alina?”

She swallowed heavily. He was asking if she was with him… still with him. After all, she’d hesitantly agreed to help him, so long as it was on her own terms. She wasn’t sure how treason and regicide sat with her. Or any murder at all, for that matter. But she was finding that she agreed with the sentiment of everything he said. All the reasons he had for doing the horrible things he planned…

Oh, Saints… She had never believed in them, but she prayed that this wasn’t just manipulation.

No.

No, Feydor was coming later to confirm this was the truth. But then… he’d said it himself. Baghra could manipulate with nothing but the truth. She wouldn’t be all that surprised if he could too. He could tell her anything to get her on his side, say the things she wanted to hear, and through omission, not a word he spoke would be false. And she wouldn’t have a clue since his face gave very little away.

She let out a slow, steady breath.

“No. I don’t.” Her voice was barely a whisper. If the room wasn’t so quiet, he probably wouldn’t have even heard her. The slightest of smiles tugged at the corner of his lip, a smug, hungry one. He knew he had her. He liked that she was choosing this. “I-I don’t know if I like it,” she admitted. “But I can see why. I… agree with your reasons.”

“We can remake the world, Alina,” he told her with renewed fervour. “A world with no war. No need for Grisha to hide. We can change it. Together.”

Her breath shuddered out of her, and she closed her eyes. “Okay,” she agreed. She didn’t see his smile, but she was sure he was. She snapped them open to see his prideful, victorious grin she knew had been there. “But I have some demands.” His brows rose. “I want honesty,” she said first. “I want you to tell me the truth about everything, no manipulations, no tricks, no omissions. I want to know exactly what I’m getting into. And I want you to listen to me when I have concerns. I want you to be willing to compromise on situations and actually discuss plans with me. I’m willing to compromise. Are you, Aleksander?”

He stared at her a long time, and she remained as firm as she could, her chin tilted up defiantly, though her heart was pounding loud enough she was sure he could hear it.

“Those are… acceptable terms, Ms Starkov,” he told her.

Her entire body sagged in relief, the tension flowing out of her. She was in way over her head, and she knew that this wasn’t going to be easy. There was still so much they had to talk about. But she felt like this was the better idea. Saints knew, if she’d listened to Baghra and run, she’d likely be hunted by both the Darkling and all his enemies. She didn’t know if she could fully trust him yet, but she knew she trusted him more than the others. She at least knew he would keep her safe, at least for his own plans, if not for her.

“As long as you are also honest with me, Alina,” he told her. “I want to know what you're thinking. I don’t want you suddenly running off because you don’t agree with something or don’t trust me. If you want to compromise, we will need to talk to each other.”

She nodded. “I’m okay with that,” she told him. “And I-I won’t run off.” She shot him a wry grin. “Besides, where would I go?”

He frowned. “You aren’t trapped here.”

“Aren’t I?” she said, her voice small. “Everyone outside wants to kill me.” She tried to laugh, but it was short and hollow. “Even in here. Didn’t you say there was an assassination attempt?”

He nodded that edge of steel back in his eyes. “Sent by General Zlatan.”

“What happened? How did you catch him?” she asked. She hadn’t noticed any attempt on her life. And that seems like it would have been a noticeable event, unless… A loud gasp left her lips. “Marie!”

Aleksander’s eyes softened, a sadness there as he nodded. “The assassin attacked her and Genya in the fitting room before dinner even started. The Oprichniki heard gunfire and found him attempting to escape. Genya is okay,” he told her. “Her kefta saved her from taking a bullet to the shoulder.”

She noticed that he had neglected to say anything about the girl who had been pretending to be her. “And Marie?” she asked.

He looked down, his face stony. “She didn’t make it,” he said quietly.

His words were like a blow to her stomach. She felt ill, and pain blossomed through her chest, making it hard to breathe. No… No, Marie couldn’t be… It was only that afternoon that they had been in the changing room laughing about how she’d accidentally set Sergei on fire. She still remembered just how embarrassed she’d been that she’d burnt and almost drowned the boy she had a crush on after weeks of psyching herself up to talk to him. Now she never could.

She didn’t make it…

She felt tears begin to run down her cheeks, her throat sore, as if she’d swallowed a sharp lump of ice. Marie had been one of her first friends here. Sure, she’d found her a bit snobbish and a massive gossip, but that came with the territory of being raised at the Little Palace. She’d enjoyed her company, and her gossip had helped her navigate her new life so much when she’d first arrived. Spending time with Marie and Nadia had been one of the few things she truly enjoyed here and-

Oh, Saints… Nadia. Did Nadia know? How would she react to her best friend being murdered? Would she hate her for Marie’s death? After all, the assassin was trying to kill her, not Marie. Marie was innocent. She never should have been there. She wasn’t supposed to die…

“How?” she asked, her voice tight and trembling. “What did he do to her?”

“Alina-”

“No!” she cried, cutting off his soft warning. “He thought she was me. She died protecting me. She died because of me!”

“She died because that filthy otkazat'sya wanted money and didn’t care who he had to kill to get it.” His voice was fierce, seething with hatred.

“How?” she repeated.

He studied her a moment before speaking quietly. “He sliced her throat open. Genya said that her last request was to wear her own face. She’s beside herself because she feels if she’d taken the path of a Healer, she could have done something.” He let out another bone-weary sigh. “It still would have been too late.”

She shook her head, still almost in denial that Marie was gone. It was like she’d understood the words, but her heart was still yet to accept them. Hesitantly, Aleksander finally moved from his chair, approaching her like a frightened animal and knelt before her. He lifted his hand to her face once more, ever so slowly, looking for any trace of uncertainly. When she didn’t so much as flinch away or even look fearful at his approaching touch, he let his hand gently glide across her skin to cup her cheek.

“I am sorry, Alina,” he told her gently. “I understand how you feel. I may have shut myself off from caring about people a long time ago, but I still remember the pain. Each loss never goes away… but it does get easier.”

She sniffed. “How could this ever get easier?” She couldn’t imagine that any death would be easy. Everyone she’d seen die in the last few months still haunted her. Raisa, Alexei, Liev, all the soldiers on the skiff, even the Fjerdan the Darkling had cut in half to stop him from killing her. “And w-why would you stop yourself from caring?” she asked, her brow furrowed. She saw how he looked after his Grisha. Surely he had to care. You couldn’t go forever without caring for people. Heck, she’d tried not to care about the people here, and that had been a massive failure.

“I have lived a very long time, Alina. I have seen too many deaths, either at the hands of others or old age. At a certain point, you become used to it. You accept that everyone around you will die sooner than later.” He sighed deeply. “It’s harder when you like them. You mourn them more.”

She didn’t need him to say it for her to understand what he meant. He tried not to care about anyone to avoid the pain. More tears spilt over her cheeks as she thought about what that could possibly like. To live so long that everyone you cared for died over and over again to the point that you just didn’t care anymore. She imagined it would be similar to having a pet with a much shorter lifespan than your own. That’s how he saw people… Fleeting. She could see it in his eyes, just how ancient he was. An abyss of knowledge and memories in his dark grey eyes that she might one day come to understand.

The Darkling’s thumb brushed her tears away before retreating. This close, she could see that he regretted having to move away, but there was a hesitancy and restraint to his movements. He was being cautious around her, unsure how she would react to him and his touch now that she knew the truth. And honestly, she wasn’t sure either.

“I can’t imagine what that’s like,” she whispered as he withdrew back to his own seat once more. “Knowing that Marie is gone… I barely knew her for a few months, but it hurts so much. I… I can’t imagine not feeling that.”

A sorrowful smile flitted across his lips. “You are kind, Alina. And young. One day you will understand.”

She shook her head, still not able to comprehend it. And he seemed so certain that she would live a long time too. “Have you ever lost someone you couldn’t get over?” she asked, the words out of her mouth before she could think about them. “Someone who’s death you still felt, even though you knew better?”

Aleksander started at her question, not expecting it. For a moment, he became lost in thought, staring blankly at a spot before him. “I had a wife once…,” he told her. “A long time ago.”

With a flick of his wrist, shadow swarmed up from the ground beside him in a pillar and took the form of a woman. Alina blinked in surprise, marvelling at what she was seeing. Before her stood the shadowy form of a woman in perfect detail. She couldn’t distinguish colours or strands of hair, but she could see the emotion on her face. She had no idea that Aleksander could do this.

“Her name was Luda,” he murmured. “And I loved her with everything I had, but I knew that our time was short. I knew that from the start. A few centuries of watching everyone around me die had already taught me better. Yet with her, I found I couldn’t help it… Being Grisha extends your life. And the more powerful Grisha, the longer that life. But most only live a few decades longer than any otkazat'sya. At best, some live to see a decade or so more than a hundred years. And she hoped to find a way to extend that… but even then, I knew she could never be with me as long as she hoped. That her wish for a few hundred years was little more than a drop in a bucket to me.” He stared at her shadowy form for a moment, his hand reaching up as if to caress her cheek before falling back.

“Despite that knowledge, she was still the light in my life, my anchor. I decided I would at least take what time with her that I could. She was a Healer. And together, we found and trained young Grisha, much as we’re still doing here. But back then, all we had was a village - just a small village with houses and fields. No walls. No protection. Only an old church nearby if refuge was needed. When I confronted the King, asking for our kind to be left alone, his first target was the village. As I escaped his grasp, all of the men, women and children that I had taught and protected were slaughtered for no reason at all. My mother managed to get many of them to the church…”

“Did she… she wasn’t amongst the ones at the church, was she?” she asked gently.

“No…” his eyes flicked up to her. “But not because she was killed there. She knew that I would return to our home, so she went there instead. Maybe if she hadn’t, if she had gone to the church, she might have lived… But she wanted to protect me.”

With a wave of his hand, the woman dissipated, and an entire scene sprawled before her. There were now many figures around the room. Most of them had bows drawn on the central figure. His hair was slightly longer and partially done up, and his clothing style was different - older, but it was unmistakably Aleksander. He stood with his arms stretched out behind him, a man moving behind him with strange cuffs held apart by a short post. He looked desperate, something she’d never seen before. And before him, another solder held Luda; a knife pressed to her side. She watched as the shadows began to move. The man behind the shadowy Darkling cuffed his hands and kicked his legs out, so he fell to his knees. She couldn’t hear the words they spoke, but she could see the raw emotion on his face, even through the shadowy distortion. She watched as he begged, desperate and terrified. To no avail as the other solder plunged his dagger into the woman, and she crumpled to the ground. The shadowy form of Aleksander let out a silent, agonised cry.

“They said that their only order was to return with me alive…” his voice, though quiet, cut through the silence that had fallen, making her jump slightly and her eyes snap back to the real man before her. “That they didn’t need her. Mother was right, in the end. She was just mortal… and mortals die.”

It was then that she heard it. He had been so vulnerable with her in these moments, truly letting his guard down for her to see. And she heard it in his voice. Not pain, not sorrow or loss… but the resignation of a lonely man. Hopelessness. A man who was so desperately alone, he had accepted that pain and accepted that he would be lonely forever.

She reached out and placed her hand on his once more. “I’m sorry,” she said.

He flicked her a sad smile. “It was many years ago. Five hundred years is more than enough to dull the sorrow.”

“Was that… was that before you created the Fold?” she asked, pure curiosity getting to her now.

He nodded. “Immediately before. She was still alive when I broke free and killed the King’s men. I took her to the church, hoping there was a healer there. None of them had survived, and she passed away only moments later.” He looked at his empty glass, twisting it in the light. “My mother made me realise that we needed an army of our own to protect us. But back then, Grisha were makers and fixers, not fighters. So, I began looking through Morozova’s journals. I wanted to use Merzost to turn the King’s army into my own. They found us not long after, and I walked out to confront them.” He waved his hand once more, the shadowy figures that had faded away rose up once more, an entire battalion stood around the room while the shadowy Darkling stood before them, his arms out initially in surrender, but then shadows began to lick off his form as he began to speak. “I lost control…”

She watched as the shadows coming off the figure his past self suddenly exploded, rushing out behind him and expanding outwards, encasing the room entirely in darkness. Before her vision was taken by the shadows, she saw the look on the memory’s face. His expression was one of agony, as though the shadows spewing out his back were pulling his very soul with them.

With this much darkness surrounding her, she instinctually reacted, sunlight unfurling off her in waves and chasing the shadows back. When she was able to see the Darkling again, she could see that look on his face once more, the one that was almost awe. Like this was something he’d longed for his entire life. She wondered, for someone who was so entwined in shadows and darkness… He loved the sunlight.

Trying to hide her answering smile at the expression, Alina suddenly realised a discrepancy in the stories she’d been told. Aleksander said that he was telling her the truth, and if he was, then Baghra had definitely lied.

“Your mother said you did it on purpose,” she told him, half teasing.

“Of course she did,” he huffed.

“Mmm, she said you made it to be a weapon.”

“Well, I’ve certainly made plans for that since, but I definitely had no intentions of tearing the entire country in half at the time. I didn’t even think I was powerful enough to do such a thing, and I am very aware of the power I hold.” He smirked at her, and she shook her head, hiding her smile once more. “What other lies did my mother say?”

Alina’s nose scrunched as she tried to think back to what Baghra had told her. It had been a long night, and the details of the conversation were fading away. “Um… Oh! Did you really take a nobleman’s name?”

“Yes, at her suggestion, of course.”

“Right.” She frowned. Baghra had made it sound like it was all his idea. “I…”

“Yes?” His brows rose inquiringly.

“I always thought that mothers were supposed to be kind and love you unconditionally,” she said. It was the dream. The thing that all the children at the orphanage longed for. A part of her knew it wasn’t true, having heard whispers from children whose parents had been less than loving. But it was the ideal that they all wished they had. She had no memory of her mother, only that she had looked like her. “I thought that they were supposed to support their children, not…” She shrugged as she tried to think of the words. “Sabotage them and make them sound worse than they are.”

“Most parents, yes, but Baghra is not like other mothers. She’s too old and too shrewd. She selected my father purely for the sake of offspring and nothing else. And though we care for each other in our own way, it’s not what most would consider normal. We have to consider the times we’re in and the consequences of the years ahead.”

Alina nodded, pretending she understood. “So, not really the kind to show affection, then?”

Aleksander snorted. “Not with Baghra, no. You’ve been to her lessons. Believe me when I say she showed me as much love, if not less. But, as always, she taught me well.”

“What to lie, manipulate and look at people like chess pieces?”

He smirked. “You clearly have a high opinion of my mother,” he said sarcastically. “But yes, she taught me that as well… amongst other things.”

She shuddered, seeing the look in his eye. She got the impression that ‘other things’ were less than pleasant. And considering who he was, how long he’d been alive, what he could do…

A frown played at her lips as she considered just what a young Aleksander must have been through, being a Shadow Summoner in a world where Grisha were constantly hunted, with only a sharp mother who cared more for skill and thinking than affection. “It must have been hard,” she realised aloud.

“You get used to it quickly enough.” He took a sip of kvas, and she realised she’d entirely missed him pouring himself a new glass. It was his third, and she was only halfway through her own. Quickly, she threw the last of hers back, screwing up her face at the sudden rush of the taste she only just tolerated. When she looked back, she saw the Darkling barely suppressing a laugh. “We can get something else to drink next time.”

Her heart thrilled at his words. Next time. As if this would be something they would be doing often. And that both delighted and disturbed her. “I liked the champagne they served tonight. That was nice.”

This time, Aleksander’s laugh was hearty, the amusement in his eyes unrestrained. “You have expensive taste, Miss Starkov.” She couldn’t help but blush at the statement.

“Well, it’s the champagnes fault for costing more than kvas,” she muttered, just making him laugh more.

“Indeed. Though, I can assure you that this particular bottle of kvas was not cheap.” She smiled at him, unable to stop herself from reacting to his joy, but it was interrupted by a large yawn. “I should let you return to your rooms. You must be exhausted.”

“I think I could sleep for a week,” she told him. Just then, her stomach let out a loud rumble of protest. “And eat… We missed the dinner.”

“I should have ordered some food.” His brow furrowed, annoyed at himself for his lack of thinking. “I’ll get something sent to your rooms. Breakfast is better than nothing. But first, I’ll summon Fedyor.”

Alina nodded, having entirely forgotten by now that the Heartrender was supposed to join them after their talk to confirm everything. But it was his comment about breakfast that tripped her up the most. It made her glance towards the windows, and she was startled to realise that she could see the sun beginning to rise over the landscape, soft purple hues beginning to lighten the sky. Outside, a couple of birds began their morning call.

Oh… They had talked all night.

As she stared out the window, the Darkling left the room and opened the door of the war room, where an Oprichniki was stationed nearby and called them over, giving them some orders in hushed tones before closing the door and returning to her.

“It’s dawn,” she pointed out. “Isn’t it a little mean waking him up this early? After the excitement of last night, I’d imagine he’d want to sleep in and cuddle with Ivan.”

“I’d imagine that with the excitement of last night, Fedyor, Ivan, and many others will still be awake.” There was a bitterness to his voice that left no room to take his meaning any other way. He seemed to suddenly pause as if he’d just remembered something. “Many of them are likely searching for you. I was so wrapped up in our conversation I forgot to inform anyone you’d been found. Still, they will be looking for the three criminals who tried to kidnap you, and I want them found.”

With a start, she remembered the rushed, worried words he’d spoken to her when she was still drowsy from sleep. That there had been a kidnapping as well as an assassination attempt.

She blew out a gust of air that made the loose strands of her hair fly up. “It was all happening last night, wasn’t it?”

He smirked. “Yes, a very eventful night.”

“We should hold more lavish parties for murder and intrigue.” She smiled at him teasingly.

Aleksander groaned. “I don’t think that the coffers or my sanity could handle it. You’ll be lucky if you’re not walking around with a full armed escort for the rest of your life.”

She pulled a face at that. “Nah-uh. No, thank you.”

“I will be assigning you at least one guard full time for the foreseeable future,” he informed her sternly. “After the events of tonight, it would be foolish and unseemly not to. The King will expect to have,” his lip suddenly curled in disgust, “his most valuable asset under protection after such monumental slips in security.” He shook his head. “Hundreds of years, and we’ve never had one security breach. Whoever those rogues were, at least one of them must be incredibly clever… yet oh so stupid to attempt such a thing.”

Before either of them could say any more, before Alina could protest the idea of having someone following her around everywhere, there was a knock at the door.

“Who is it?” he called.

“Fedyor, moi Soverenyi,” came the muffled reply. Alina’s brows rose. That was quick. She’d assumed that if they were searching the palace, it would have been longer to hunt him down.

“Enter.” There was a moment’s hesitation before the door opened, and the familiar, happy face of Fedyor slipped inside. Though, he looked tired and less jovial than normal.

“Ah, Fedyor, thank you,” the Darkling said.

As Fedyor approached, he caught sight of Alina, and relief and joy were stark on his face once more. “Alina!” he said happily. “Thank the Saints. You are safe and well!” Alina shot him a small smile.

“Yes. In my relief, I quite forgot to inform anyone that Ms Starkov has been found. If you could spread the word when you leave, that will be most appreciated.”

“Yes, General.” He nodded. “I was actually on my way to find you, Sir. We have news.”

“Of?”

“Nina Zenik, Sir.”

Alexander sat up a little straighter. “Speak.”

“She was abducted by Fjerdans. Put on a ship with other Grisha captives, bound for the Ice Court.”

“Someone must have given her up.” He considered this for a moment. “Zlatan?”

“Well, they have a witch hunter in their ranks. Matthias Helvar. He has been clever in tracking Grisha. I want him dead as much as I want her back alive.”

“Where are they now?”

“They hit a storm front. We lost track of the ship after that.”

Aleksander’s face hardened. “Send a team to the Western Coast. They will go as far North as they can, Arkesk if they can make it. Get them to bring back any Grisha they find, and barring that… bring me one of theirs.”

“Yes, General. Ivan and I won’t fail you.”

“I have no doubt, but I only need you to form a team, Fedyor. I will be in need of yours and Ivan’s assistance in the days to come for a hunt or two of my own.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“W-who’s Nina?” Alina asked, unsure if he’d even tell her.

“One of my spies,” he informed her. “I had sent her to investigate a man going by ‘the Conductor’, who was smuggling Grisha out of Ravka and into the West. Through the Fold by some unknown means. The same man who made an attempt on your life, it seems. Paid out by General Zlatan.”

Alina closed her eyes. She didn’t need to know why someone would try and kill her. Her powers gave people hope. That was enough. And from what she’d heard of General Zlatan, the Fold being torn down would go against his campaign to secede. Instead, another thing stuck in her mind. Something that she’d admittedly wished she could have done back when she first arrived. Something she’d even asked about.

“He’s smuggling Grisha away from here?”

“He was,” he answered darkly. Alina shuddered and tried not to think about it.

“But why?”

“That’s one of the things Nina was trying to find out. Many parents are known to take their children and flee before they can be brought to safety. Often leading them to cross over the borders and directly into trouble.”

“Oh.” Her brow furrowed as she wondered why parents would flee with their children if it meant they wound up in danger. Something about it didn’t sit right with her.

“We will do all we can to get Nina back. And, with luck, apprehend this… Matthias Halvar,” the Darkling said. “But now, for what I called you here for, Fedyor. I have told Alina some things that she doesn’t quite believe. Normally, I would have called Ivan to settle this, but she doesn’t trust your husband not to side with me, no matter what the truth is.”

“Yes, that sounds like something that Ivan would do.”

“See!” she insisted. Feydor shot her a wink.

“So, am I to tell her the truth or what you want?” he asked teasingly.

“Fedyor!” she admonished playfully, earning a cheeky grin in return.

The Darkling rolled his eyes. “The truth, please, Fedyor.”

“Yes, General.” His grin was still wide as he dipped his head.

Aleksander turned back to face her, holding her eye in earnest. “Alina, I swear that everything I have told you this night has been honest and true. Every word I have spoken has been the truth. And I will do my best to keep telling you the truth, and to honour our agreement, so long as you do so as well.”

The intensity in his eyes was enough to take her breath away, and Alina swallowed before turning to look at Fedyor with wide eyes. His eyes looked as wide as hers probably did, though unaware of the context, he was surprised by the General’s words.

He turned to her and nodded. “He is telling the truth.”

A relieved breath rushed out of her, and her body sagged as if letting go of tension she didn’t even know she was holding. This entire night had been… overwhelming. But it was at least a relief to know that Aleksander had been speaking the truth. Of course, that didn’t mean that he hadn’t neglected to tell her things. She wasn’t naïve enough to believe he hadn’t, but she decided to let it be, hoping she could pry other truths from him later. She looked back up to him with a slight smile.

“See,” he said, parroting her earlier jest back at her. Her smile grew. “Thank you, Feydor.”

“You’re welcome, General.” He gave him a slight bow before waiting to be dismissed. But instead, the Darkling just looked him up and down before his eyes flitted back to Alina.

“Oh, and Feydor. One more thing.” The Heartrender stood to attention once more, awaiting his orders. “Starting from now, you are assigned to Alina as her personal Heartrender.” Both Fedyor and Alina wore twin expressions of shock, but Aleksander hardly seemed to notice. “Alina has stated that you are someone here that she trusts above others. I can think of no one better to protect and serve our Sun Summoner.”

“I am honoured, moi Soverenyi,” he said, bowing low. “Sankta Alina.” He bowed to her as well, and she shot him a tight smile, trying to hide her grimace about being called a saint. Seeing everyone bow to her during her demonstration had been thrilling, but she still wasn’t sure how she felt about it, especially when most Saint’s stories ended in a grisly death. “I am glad to see that you are well. I will inform the others of this.”

“Please do,” the Darkling told him. “Make sure you assemble the best teams you can to hunt down Nina and a replacement team for the three Ketterdam criminals. And send them out this morning. I want them all found. We must have the best head start we can. Then and Ivan are to rest. I need the two of you at your best for what’s to come.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good. Dismissed.”

Fedyor bowed once more before departing, leaving the two of them alone once more. Silence fell over them, so thick it was almost a tangible thing. Alina’s eyes were stuck on the door her friend had left through, but she could feel the Darkling’s eyes on her, studying her.

She took a deep breath. “Thank you,” she said quietly.

Aleksander pushed himself from his chair, looking down at her. “This is not a trust I give easily, Alina,” he told her. “In fact, for rather obvious reasons, I never trust anyone.”

“I don’t know if I can trust you either.”

He smirked wryly at her, holding his hand out to help her to her feet. “Smart. But, I trust that you can at least keep what you know a secret.”

She nodded in reply as she was drawn up, now looking up at him, nearly chest to chest. “Of course.”

“Thank you.” He drew closer to her as if pulled by a string, and for a moment, she thought that he might kiss her, but he quickly reeled back, walking towards the door. “We should get you to your room,” he said quickly. “I’ll have an Oprichniki escort you.”

She groaned. “Do I have to?”

“Someone tried to murder you tonight, and three others tried to kidnap you, and you’re arguing security?” He arched an eyebrow at her. He led her out of the Parlor and to the door out of his chambers.

“I just want to stumble back into my room, take off this stupid kefta, maybe eat something and sleep. Preferably without seeing anyone on the way.” She was grumbling like a petulant child, and she knew it. It made him smirk in amusement, which only made her grumble more.

He rolled his eyes at her. “I suppose I can allow this one trip. It is only just down the hall, after all. The Palace has been thoroughly swept, especially your room. There are guards outside, and with any luck, some servants should have delivered you some breakfast by now. And, come tomorrow, Fedyor will be on your detail, no exceptions.”

“Yes, Sir,” she joked.

“None of that,” he told her. There was no mirth or teasing in his voice, completely serious as he loomed over her. “You are the only one here who is my match and equal. You are the Sun Summoner, and after tonight, everyone will treat you with the respect and deference you are owed.” Alina’s breath caught in her throat as she stared up into his coal back eyes. All she could do was nod in response. “Good night, Alina,” he murmured.

“Good night, Aleksander.”

Her response was barely a breath. And with one last look into his ancient eyes, she slipped out the door into the corridor, her heart pounding like she’d spent the night in the training grounds.

She couldn’t deny that despite the danger and the truths she now knew, she longed for the terrible and ancient man on the other side of the door. She could scarcely believe what she’d heard and what she’d agreed to do…

What the fuck had she gotten herself into?

Author Note:

I fully believe that with the time he’s had to practice, the Darkling can do way more with his shadows than what we see. I love the idea that he can manipulate them to take on different shapes and forms or making them solid (similar to how he does with the Cut but with other methods), like creating bonds.

Also, I fully believe that Show!Baghra is more manipulative and toxic than she was in the books (especially if you combine the two versions). You can’t convince me otherwise.

Chapter Index | First Chapter | << Previous Chapter | Next Chapter >>

#Light Casts a Shadow #Shadow and Bone #Darklina

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mshellbrat · 7 years

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Hey guys! Here’s the newest installment of my ‘Here or There’ verse and my submission for @thebookjumper‘s weekly Olicity Hiatus Fic-A-Thon for the Prompt: Silver Lining. Hope you enjoy!

Summary: A lie of omission is still a lie. Felicity finds herself in hot water with the team when they find out she's been experimenting with her condition behind their backs.

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING!

Here goes...

Felicity didn't think it was that big of a deal. She didn't know what all of the fuss was about. It wasn't like she was skipping EVERY dose of the cocktail. She was getting plenty of rest. She was functioning fine, great even! She and Oliver were closer than ever. The marathon had to be moved back due to inconvenient robbery attempt, but still...it was planned for the coming weekend and she already had surround sound and surprise effects set up.

She, Sara, and Roy had hit up Verdant after the robbery was squashed. They caught up with Thea, who was thrilled to see that Felicity and Sara were somehow friends despite her brother's romantic stupidity. Speaking of Thea? She and Felicity had grabbed coffee twice and enjoyed their mani/pedi girl date. Felicity felt like the younger woman was actually enjoying spending time with her and not just forcing the effort in an attempt to get closer to her still somewhat distance brother.

The point was? Life was looking up! Yes, Slade was still doing god-knows-what and they were no closer to finding him, supersoldiers were still popping up with increasing regularity, and Felicity was pretty sure Moira Queen had a Felicity Smoak voodoo doll somewhere she was sticking pins in because Oliver was still not bending on forgiving his mother...but...you know...things were looking up for Felicity personally. Did the fact that she felt that way make her a bad person? Hmm...

“FELICITY!” Digg growled. He was waving a handful of full syringes at her. A handful of full syringes that should technically be empty...because it was the end of the month and they'd just received her fresh package of cocktail for the next month from S.T.A.R. Labs. Oops.

“Uh,” Felicity cleared her throat and pursed her lips, “I don't really know what you want me to say, John.”

The big man glared down at her where she sat in her chair behind her station in the lair. “I want you to say that there's some mistake and you HAVEN'T been skipping doses of the only treatment we currently have for your condition.”

Felicity canted her head to the side. “Technically it's not really a treatment. It's more a suppressant. It's not fixing the...”

“FELICITY!”

She winced. “I don't lie to you, John.” She shrugged and looked down. “I don't know why you're getting so upset. It's not a big deal.”

“It's a huge deal, Felicity,” John lowered his voice and leaned down toward her, “and you know that. That's why you've been hiding it. If you didn't think what you were doing was wrong you wouldn't have hidden it from us.”

Okay, she wanted to argue against that. It wasn't like she'd thought 'Oh, I'll sneak around and do this behind the guys' backs'. She'd just...honestly she'd forgotten to take her dose one night. It was stupid and it was careless, but she'd been tired and her mind had been occupied with other things. Dr. Wells had specifically requested she keep the cocktail at the lair because it was extremely experimental (read not FDA approved and somewhat illegal). So, she couldn't keep it at her apartment and for just one night she'd forgotten to worry about the bizarre thing that happened any time she tried to sleep unassisted. And by the time she'd remembered the cocktail she'd been home and ready for bed and...it was such a damn hassle! Was she supposed to drive all the way back to the lair? No part of her had wanted to climb back in her car and make that drive. She'd honestly hoped the whole thing would have just gone away by now.

Except...it hadn't gone away...and she'd been so fascinated by what she'd found that she couldn't resist trying again...and you know, again. But she always made sure she got plenty of sleep on the other nights! She didn't skip every night. She wasn't trying to escape her life or anything. Life was looking up! But how did she explain that to John, and the silently disapproving Sara, without melting in mortification or making the top of their heads pop off?

“I...was...experimenting really,” Felicity started. She saw that vein in Digg's forehead start to throb and hurried on with her explanation. “We still don't know anything about what's happening to me, John, and we haven't had time to worry about it. Slade is a priority. The Mirakuru is a priority. Felicity's weird sleep astral projection? Not a priority and it shouldn't be.”

“Don't pretend we wouldn't have made time to work on this with you, Felicity,” Digg said. “Or that you couldn't have consulted S.T.A.R. Labs for further testing.” He crossed his massive arms over his chest and glared down at her. “You did this on your own because you wanted to. You knew it was dangerous and you did it anyway.”

Felicity glared up at him, but she knew the old 'my life, my choice' line wasn't going to fly with this scenario. She also knew that if she were in their shoes...yea, she'd be using her Loud Voice right now...loudly. Her anger deflated and her shoulders slumped. “I'm sorry,” she told him sincerely, “I should've come to you. I should've discussed the situation with my team. It was irresponsible and foolish.”

“Oliver's not gonna take this well,” Sara said.

Felicity's head snapped in the assassin's direction. She panicked. “Does he really need to know?”

“Felicity!” Digg growled.

The IT genius winced and buried her head in her hands. She groaned and rubbed her fingers over her forehead and temples. “I know, I know.” Oliver was going to have kittens. He didn't even like talking about Felicity's condition. Every time the subject was brought up, his eyes got wild, his shoulders tensed, and he started rubbing his fingers together in that tell he had like he wanted to reach for his bow. Oliver would not deal with this situation in a calm and rational manner. Felicity didn't know if it was the unknown, the strangeness of it all, or just that it affected her specifically and “Felicity is supposed to be safe” was his new motto. Why he'd taken up that motto? Not something the blonde could allow herself to dwell upon. They were friends...just friends. That was Felicity's motto and she was sticking to it.

“If you've been hiding this because of Ollie...” Sara started.

“I haven't,” Felicity told them and shook her head, “no more than I've been hiding it from the rest of you. I just...” she closed her eyes and slumped, “I know he's gonna be upset. He hates this. I saw his face after the sleep study at S.T.A.R. Labs. For some reason he's taking this harder than the rest of you...”

Sara snorted. “For some reason? Seriously?”

Felicity gritted her teeth and crossed her arms over her chest. “I know we're friends. I know Oliver cares about me, but every member of this team signed on for a certain degree of danger. We all face risks. My safety is no more important than anyone elses'.”

“If you really believe that, you aren't nearly as smart as you think you are,” Sara said. “Every one of us would lay down our lives to keep you safe.”

Felicity threw her hands in the air. “And I would do the same for you! What's your point?”

“It's different, Felicity,” Digg told her calmly. “You are...you're different.”

“You're innocent,” Sara said.

Felicity pushed to her feet furious. She spun on the assassin. “I am NOT innocent! You don't have any idea what I've done or what I've lived through.” She poked her finger in the other woman's chest. “Just because I don't know twenty different fighting techniques and I can't break a man's neck with my thighs, doesn't mean I'm some naive innocent little girl you have to protect!”

The assassin nodded. “You're right. I don't know what you've been through, Felicity, and I don't know your past.” She canted her head to the side. “But I do know that you're the heart of this team. You're the light and they can barely function without you. I watched him fall apart as you slowly faded away those two weeks and I don't want to see that happen again.”

“It won't!” Felicity forced.

“You can't know that,” John told her. He walked up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. “You know nothing bad has happened so far, but you can't know if one bad night, one bad time, and you might not be able to find your way back again.” He shook her slightly. “And I shouldn't be having to tell you of all people this, Smoak. You know better than this.”

Yea, okay, he had a point. She bit her lip and looked down. “Don't you at least want to know why I've been skipping doses?”

Sara gave a dry laugh. She tilted her head down, her lips quirked up at the corner and she looked up through her lashes at Felicity. “I think we can guess.”

“NO!” Felicity shook her head. “That's not it! I'm not...” she rolled her eyes and lowered her voice, “I'm not living out some fantasy life where I'm with Oliver, okay? That's what I'm trying to tell you.” She turned and looked up at John. She lifted her hands and rested them on his forearms where he still held her shoulders. “I know I shouldn't have done it...at least not without help and monitoring. It was thoughtless and careless. I know that.”

His expression was still severe, but he nodded. “Okay.”

“But there IS a silver lining guys,” Felicity told them, “because I figured something out!” She was bouncing up and down with excitement because she finally...FINALLY...got to tell someone. She'd been testing her theory and taking notes and...well she'd totally intended on sharing those notes with Caitlin and Cisco at some point, but now she could tell the team instead! They probably wouldn't be as excited as Caitlin, and they definitely wouldn't be as excited as Cisco, but still...they were her team and they deserved to know first.

“What did you figure out, Felicity?” Digg asked.

“They're alternate realities!” she burst out.

Digg blinked. “What?” Sara remained silent.

Felicity deflated and frowned at her surrogate big brother. “Not even a little excited? Not even impressed?”

Digg shrugged. “Does confused count?”

“URGH!” Felicity yelled. “I am proof that alternate realities actually exist, Digg! I am a traveler to alternate realities!” She crossed her arms over her chest and glared up at him. “Cisco would be squealing right now. He'd be super-impressed with my badassness!”

“Cisco probably knows what alternate realities are,” Sara noted. Felicity spun back to face the assassin. Sara wasn't nearly as confused as Digg. She shrugged. “I watched Buffy. The world without shrimp, right?”

“YES!” Felicity nodded relieved. “The theory of alternate realities is that any change, no matter how small, can alter the very existence of our reality. It's the theory that there are countless alternate realities out there which differ from our own because of different choices made and actions taken.” She paused and frowned, canting her head to the side. “It's loosely related to the theories on time travel really.” She focused back on Sara. “You know, like the theory that going back in the past and stepping on a roach can destroy the world...because maybe that roach should have scared a guy to death who ended up detonating a nuclear warhead and starting WWIII, but instead you stepped on it.”

“My head hurts,” Digg said.

Sara waved him off. “I've got this.” She smiled at Felicity. “And how do you know that you're visiting alternate realities, Felicity?”

“Because they're different now!” Felicity told her. “It's not always the same reality now. I've been to different ones.”

Sara frowned. “How do you know your actions haven't changed things?”

“Oh, I'm sure they have,” Felicity agreed, “but that doesn't explain the reality where Tommy Merlyn is alive and working with us, or the one where I'm in Gotham working for Bruce Wayne and I've never even met Oliver.” She made a face. “He's married to Laurel in that reality, BTW, the wedding photos were online.”

Sara snorted. “More nightmare than fantasy.”

“Preach,” Felicity nodded. She'd spent half an hour pinching herself and trying desperately to wake up that night. When that hadn't worked she'd ended up torturing herself by looking up every photo of the happily wedded couple she could find. When she'd woken up the next morning she'd been so affected, she'd actually considered canceling the Buffy marathon and suggesting Oliver catch up with Laurel instead. Thankfully the impulse had passed.

“So,” John was obviously trying to reason this all out in his head, “when you go to sleep, your mind leaves and goes to actual different worlds?” He looked slightly ill at the possibility.

“Realities,” Felicity corrected. “They've all been on Earth...” her face scrunched in consideration, “so far at least.”

John ran his hands over his face. “Felicity, we have got to figure out what is going on with you and we have got to make it stop. This shit is dangerous and you can't control it!”

Felicity huffed. “Well, maybe if you guys would stop trying to protect me from myself then I could learn.”

Digg dropped his hands and narrowed his eyes on her. “Don't think I've forgotten or forgiven that you decided to sneak around and test these theories behind our backs, Felicity. Just skipping your cocktail is not okay!”

“WHAT?!?”

Felicity cringed and closed her eyes. She took in a deep breath and blew it out before turning to face the stairs. Of course, Oliver would show up now. Of course, he had to find out like this. Nothing could be easy, nothing could work out RIGHT for once!

Oliver's jaw was clenched tight, his hands curled into fists and shaking at his sides. He took a step toward Felicity and nailed her with a burning glare. “Tell me you didn't.” In contrast to his stance, his voice was low and soft...almost pleading.

Felicity's stomach churned and her mouth went dry. “I...I'm sorry, Oliver. You have to let me explain.”

Oliver flinched. His face jerked to the side as though he were physically in pain. His eyes flashed with betrayal. He turned and left without speaking a word.

Felicity groaned and buried her head in her hands. Hurting Oliver was the last thing she ever wanted to do. Taking in one more deep fortifying breath, she headed for the stairs. She had to make this right somehow. Even if she had to bare her soul in the process, Felicity knew she had to make Oliver understand.

She found him on the roof of Verdant. He didn't move or acknowledge her as she joined him. He stared straight ahead into the night. “I really am sorry, Oliver. I'd...I'd like to explain if you'll let me.”

Oliver shrugged. “I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be enough. I've tried...I'm trying...”

“You ARE enough,” Felicity forced. She reached out a hand to rest on his clenched forearm. He jerked slightly at the contact, but she refused to pull away. She had to fix this. “You've always been enough.”

Oliver's laugh was bitter. “Obviously not, if you would risk going back there...if you would risk losing yourself again.” He looked down. “I know I'm not him...that I can't be him, but I'm trying to be better. I thought you saw that.”

Felicity groaned. She seriously considered the situation for a moment but then she finally decided it was time to throw all her careful boundaries out the window. She couldn't let him keep doing this...keep believing he had to change and push himself so he wouldn't lose her. She leaned against Oliver and rested her head against his shoulder. “First? You are him, Oliver. He isn't a completely different person. He's you. He's just...he's willing to allow himself to be happy, and for some reason he chose to be happy with me.”

She saw Oliver's head turn in her direction, but she kept her eyes glued ahead. She couldn't face him and finish this. “Second? I have noticed you trying. I've...I'm trying really hard not to read too much into it. I'm trying not to overreact and jump to conclusions and make a complete and utter fool of myself over you. Because spending time with you? Being close to you? It makes me want things, Oliver. It makes me want very non-platonic things. And it's dangerous for me to want those things because I'm almost positive that you are still cookie dough.” She closed her eyes and shook her head against his shoulder. “Less than a month ago, you were with Sara, Oliver. You, sir, are not yet cookies.”

“Am I supposed to understand what that means?” Oliver asked.

Felicity grinned and nodded. “You will...when we finish watching Buffy.”

Oliver sighed and closed his eyes. “And you plan to be around for me to watch Buffy with?”

“Most definitely,” Felicity nodded again. “I wouldn't miss it for this world or any other.”

Some of the tension drained out of Oliver's frame. He rested his head briefly on top of hers. “I'm holding you to that.”

“Understood,” Felicity said. She sighed in relief.

“And I still expect a damn good explanation for what the hell you've been up to by skipping your cocktail,” Oliver's voice hardened.

“Yea,” Felicity agreed, “I figured.” She pursed her lips and turned to look up at him. “So...what have you heard about the theory of alternate realities?”

He frowned down at her confused. “Like the Wishverse?”

Felicity's mouth fell open and she bounced up and down in place. “I'm so proud! You really GET me!”

Thanks so much for reading! I would love to know what you think.

@thebookjumper @olicityhiatusficathon

#ohfat #olicity #olicity fic #olicity fanfic #olicity fanfiction #oliver x felicity #oliver queen #felicity smoak #arrow #arrowverse #olicity hiatus fic-a-thon #OlicityHiatusFic #olicityhiatusfic-a-thon

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