#addicted to doodling them and never actually drawing them in my normal style

[ravenwolfie97]

2020 Art Summary

Yep, it’s 2021 already. 2020 is finally over. It felt like it lasted forever, and it felt like the end would never come, but here we are. Crazy how the time flew by.

I felt like I didn’t get much art done this year because of Current World Event, but I made a lot more than I thought I did. Even some of my new favorite pieces came out of this year, so I think that’s worth celebrating and looking back upon!

I was insanely productive during the first month of 2020, and looking back I was surprised at all the stuff I did, but then I remembered that that winter season was actually one of the best times of my life! I started being more socially involved, and I think my newfound drive at the time translated into all the art I pumped out this month. This is just a small fraction of what I made in January, but I only have so much space. Quite a few complex pieces in both style exploration and polishing my own style.

Apparently February was a rather intimate month. Things began to slow down in terms of my own art here, with me spending more time in social settings and school work ramping up, I didn’t have as much time to coop up in my room to draw. I did wanna do something for a friend’s Valentine’s Day OC art challenge, so I drew my lovey-dovey couple from Dance of 1000 Words havin’ a dance. Nothing actually came of that challenge, but it was fun to do regardless.

One of the things I was most proud of in the winter season was making more friends, and one of the closest friends I made was completely coincidental. I met a person named Kiri on the bus one night I decided to volunteer somewhere by myself, and we ended up chatting and getting along. They quickly told me their tumblr username, and I shot them a message immediately after they left. A couple days later, we met up for brunch, and we started becoming really close friends and creative partners!

Not much else happened in March cuz that’s when Current World Event started becoming an issue, but Kiri and I still kept in close touch and we randomly started developing a concept for a Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Galar Edition. These are a handful of characters we thought up, with Skipper the Scorbunny and Dross the Dreepy as the main characters, Morgrem as the main antagonist, and some shopkeepers such as those of the Greedent Bank and the Indeedee General Store. This was also my first time drawing all of these Galar Pokemon (except Scorbunny, but I also made Skipper a bit more unique than a regular Scorbunny).

Lots of events happened this month. First of all, Steven Universe Future ended, one of my favorite and most influential shows was no longer continuing. I had to do something as tribute, both as a send-off to one of the greatest cartoons in the world and as a cathartic release for my feelings towards it.

A while later, I got the opportunity to start playing an MMO in beta called Fer.al, by the same people who made Animal Jam, which coincidentally I had also beta tested for back in the day. I ended up getting really attached to my first character, a Senri I named Sasha, and though I’ve made more characters than them since, they’re still my absolute favorite. Though I haven’t touched the game in a few months, I was really engrossed for a long time and enjoyed playing through the beta and early access phases.

At the end of the month, some friends of mine invited to a roleplay group with some mutuals, and we all played characters in a crime syndicate. Just a bunch of ragtag thieves and criminals who ended up together in order to protect an artifact called the Crown of Thieves, which was essentially a flag to be taken by other groups to prove that they are the best thieves in the land. My character was based heavily on my sona (if it wasn’t obvious) and was also influenced by Cloud Strife, since the FFVII Remake had just come out and I was super into watching the cutscenes at the time. My character’s (code)name is Valkyrie, and they are a mercenary, going between multiple different employers to carry out whatever duties they need to do. They have a more complicated backstory, but presently they were recently hired by recommendation of their friend Shark (played by @shmoots-universe​ who is also My friend now ily maya) who works with a group called the Court Cards who are currently in possession of the Crown of Thieves. Valk never really had a place to call home, but staying with this group of people had to be the closest they could get to that feeling. They still sleep with a knife under their pillow because of trust issue but that’s okay.

Okay, so technically these examples started in April, but I continued making content with them in May, and the month was just pretty void of art in general, so here I am addressing them.

There were two main things I worked on this month: a Steven Universe AU of my own and the whole #sixfanarts thing that kicked off around then. Let’s start with the fanart bits. I did two and a half of them (six in April and nine in May), and it was so much fun to be able to draw stuff I don’t normally do! My personal favorites are shown here: Blake Belladonna from RWBY, Roll from Megaman, Yuki Konno from Sword Art Online, and Link from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. The other thing I’d been planning for a while was a Steven Universe AU, probably to cope with the show being over but also because I was inspired by a lot of those SU AU artists I started following at the time. I won’t share the details here because it’s gonna have its own blog at some point, but the example I’ve shown here is of a comic I made loosely in order to introduce a divergence in the plot of the story as well as introduce a character unique to my AU. It was a lot of fun figuring out how to draw the characters and get a feel for the style.

As the year progressed, my amount of art I made per month began to dwindle, this time mostly because school was kicking my ass especially hard with finals. However, I took what time I had to get some backburner pieces finished, like the Tigerlily picture which I sketched out a couple months back, and the Gunvolt picture which I started working on SIX YEARS AGO. I don’t quite know why I got the urge to work on it again after so long, but it was nice to finally realize. The other drawing for DOTS was done in the dead of night but I was really happy with how it came out.

Despite only having two summer classes left of school, this month was really rough because they demanded a lot of my time and attention. I did not have the gumption to do anything digital, so I stuck to my sketchbook to get out what I felt like getting out.

My friends and I did a stream of the game Helltaker, and I really enjoyed the concept, so in following my friends I made my own Helltaker demon OC named Raksha the Ravenous Demon (it’s a pun but also got mythical insp). I also got super into Hazbin Hotel at this point, mostly because the Addict music video dropped and I couldn’t get enough of it, so I doodled Angel Dust cuz I felt like it. The other drawing I did was actually a free commission I gave a friend of mine as a prize for a trivia game show I ran back in June. He along with a couple other friends got some free drawings from me for getting the top three scores, and this one in particular was fun because of how interesting it was. He wanted me to draw a video game reviewer called the Irate Gamer from a specific moment, and I decided to go ham and just make it as dramatic as possible.

University classes finally wrapped up and right after that I was in the process of moving out of my apartment and getting adjusted to living with my parents again. I did a couple of agg.io drawing sessions with my friends from the Court Cards group as well as a new Dungeons and Dragons homebrew group I had joined. I drew some more of Valkyrie and came up with a design for my DND character Qakuqtuq (or Kai for short). He is monkey grandpa and I love him.

My main focus was on finishing a polished piece for my friend Cake, whose birthday was in the upcoming month. I wanted it to be as amazing as possible, so I put a lot of time into getting more detailed and making them look good. In addition to that, I did a few TOME doodles just for fun. The creature on the bottom was for this month’s art challenge on my Discord server where we made original TOMERPG monsters, and I created Hundylow, a Crystal-element monster based on the Grindylow from English folklore.

This month was a lot more productive than the past few had been. I tried to do a 31-day art challenge called Creatober but failed to get past the third prompt because I was still swamped with other work. I’m still happy with what little I did, including the piece with my characters Kyle and Guarudan from DSWD.

I don’t remember how, but I also suddenly rediscovered an old Flipnote Hatena series called Tales of LostClan, a Warriors fan series that I would say was the most obscure thing I’ve ever been super invested in. It was what got me into the actual Warriors books, and I liked it so much I redrew the animations into a comic... twice. Didn’t get nearly as far the second time but clearly my love for this little fanfiction had not waned after nearly a decade. I felt like drawing a book cover/movie poster for the series, just to get it out there and see how much I’ve improved over all that time.

Also I felt like making a vampiresona just before Halloween because I never dress up for Halloween in art (or real life anymore, for that matter), and I wanted to do something like that for once. It was short-lived but I really liked the design!

The focus of this month was definitely on Pokemon stuff. As per usual I contributed to the current Gotta Draw ‘Em All collab, and I was tasked to draw Regieleki. It was really fun to figure out how to make it stand out and look like it was made of electricity.

I also committed a lot of my spare time to my Fakemon Gym Leaders, as I had been working on bringing them to life in the past year or so now. As of this post, I’ve finished rendering their full body poses and gym badges, but I’m still working on completing all eight VS portraits, the first half of which are shown here.

I... didn’t draw anything this month, actually. What I’m showing here was worked on in the last few days but has actually been in progress for a couple of months, and I just finished it earlier today, in 2021. But I needed to show something off, and it’s also about time I mentioned it.

Back in October, I kept seeing people rave about this game called Genshin Impact, and I was interested but not so much as to start playing it... until my friends started playing and I was like “fuck it, let’s download it”. Since that day, I have been super immersed and in love with this game, to the point I came up with my own canon based on my gameplay experiences. This also included the creation of an original player character: Astra, the non-binary Traveller. And now, I’ve finally drawn them and brought them to life.

It has been one hell of a year. I had some of the highest highs and lowest lows in 2020, lots of changes, and I have now officially moved onto the next chapter of my life now that my time at university is finally over. I’m very excited for what 2021 has to offer, and I’m going to go forward with great ambition.

#my art stuff #art summary #this is always a joy to do every year and i'm glad to keep up the tradition for the sixth year in a row #this year was super good for this as well just to look back on what i was actually able to accomplish #long post #tome #hazbin hotel

[dalilaswork]

HELLDREAMERS Pt. I || Connor x Reader

Author: Dalila Ship: Connor Murphy x Reader Word count: 3.271 Trigger Warnings: destuctive thought, mentions of self harm, half-attempted suicide, low self-esteem, anger management problems, shitty writing.

YOU

So, first day of school, huh? Senior year... Yeah, that really sucks. Especially after moving in from a whole another town. But it happens. You just got to deal with it. Like you deal with every other shit that happens in your life.

I picked out the jeans and the t-shirt I left at the chair the day before and looked at my reflection in the mirror.

God, I looked so ugly.

I couldn't help but see how my nose was too big, how my eyes were too small, how uneven my skin colour was. Those were minorities that most people just ignored, but I saw them everytime I looked at myself . And no matter how many compliments I heard, it just wouldn't go away.

I got dressed and looked at my reflection once more: something was missing. Sure - a hoodie. No one needs to see my scars. At least not yet.

Downstairs, my mother was already filling up some papers, I could hear that. But before I went down I looked out the window: luckily my brother's car wasn't there. It was safe.

Malcolm wasn't just a regular annoying older brother. He was a drug addict with serious mental issues. My parents tried their best to help him, but Malcolm could never admit something was wrong with him. From his point of view, we were the psychos.

After grabbing the bag, I ran down the stairs and quickly got to the door. I wanted to escape, but my mother wouldn't just let me go. She looked up from the documents just as you I began to tie my shoelaces.

"Why are you leaving without breakfast? You should eat something."

You should eat more, you're unhealthy. You should eat less, you're gaining weight.

"I'm not hungry yet. I'll grab something before classes start." I said quickly before running out the door, so my mother wouldn't drag me into a much worse conversation.

Quickly I searched the pockets of my jeans for the earbuds. I needed to numb myself . After picking my favourite song to play, I began looking around the new neighbourhood.

Almost all houses looked the same; same neat lawns, same driveways, same roofs. I was sick of it. I missed my old house, far from the noises of the town, with a forest nearby. It was my home.

I finally reached the school. Nothing too worrying. From the outside everything looks normal. It's the inside that hides the horrors.

After settling the usual stuff like a small tour and a visit to the headmaster's office, I was left alone in the corridor. However, I didn't get to enjoy the loneliness for long, as someone pulled at my sleeve. I turned around to see a smiling girl with a book in her hand and glasses on her nose.

"Hi, I'm Alana. Are you new here? I don't think I've seen you before." she smiled even wider. For some reason I found the smile simply fake. After all, who in their right minds just goes up to a new kid with a smile so wide?

"Do you know every kid around that you're so surprised? It's a big school." I lifted an eyebrow at her, wondering how she might react.

Her smile got thinner at my words, she must have not expected that. "I-I mean, I try to remember everyone, and I really d-didn't see you here before, so..." she began rushing the words.

"Nice," I cut her short. "I rarely remember faces." I didn't really feel like talking to her. She did seem like that kid, who wanted to be friendly towards everyone everytime. "See ya." I hated that sort of people.

"Wait, I didn't catch your name," stubborn, I thought.

"(Y/N)"

"Will I see you at lunch?" she asked, going back to that unsettling smile.

"Dunno, maybe." I quickly turned my back and headed forward. I had no idea which direction I was going for, I just wanted to get rid of that Alana girl.

I hated people who were always so nice to everyone. Mostly because, from my previous experience, it always turns out to be just an act. A facade created to look cool. Not once had I heard that someone was there for me if I wanted to talk, but when I really wanted to talk, they'd always be busy. But I got used to it.

I got used to a lot of things.

I looked down at the schedule I was holding. Of course, trying to get away from Alana I ended up going in the wrong direction. Luckily, the school was planned quite easily, so I had no problem knowing which way to go.

I just needed to go through a small corridor to get to the other building. The corridor was significantly smaller, actually. I could only see one person there. A tall boy with shoulder-length brown hair. I walked past him, but I stopped when I heard someone speak.

"Hey, Connor. I'm loving the new hair length. Very school shooter chic."

I turned around to see that another kid walked in. So the tall one was Connor. School shooter, maybe they were friends. Friends sometimes have weird sense of humour with each other.

All I could see was Connor's back and the other guy's face. He had short, light brown hair and glasses. From his expression I could tell that they weren't friends. He was just being an asshole.

"I was kididng, it was a joke." he said, rolling his eyes. Yet another type of person I couldn't stand. I immediately recalled how people at my old school used to laugh that way at me.

"Yeah," Connor's voice seemed so... Emotionless. "No, it was funny. I'm..."

"Your jokes are even worse than your style." I stepped towards the kid. For a moment standing beside Connor.

"What's your problem?" the kid stepped back. For me it was an encouragement to go further.

"You. You're my fucking problem. You think you're funny? My dead grandmother was funnier at her funeral!" I told him as I kept walking towards him. The kid must have got scared a little, because he raised his hands in defeat.

"Jeeez, calm your tits, dude. " he said and walked off. Only now I noticed there was another guy, with a cast on his left arm. Just when I laid my eyes on him, he followed the jerk out of the corridor.

"Sorry for that. I get a little carried away when I hear douchebags like that." I said as I turned back to Connor. He was pale, and I think his eyes were slightly red. "So... I guess you're Connor, right?" I looked up at him and tried to smile.

He narrowed his eyes at me and took a step back. "Why would you care?" as I looked at him; he somehow resembled of a cornered bunny.

"I don't know," I didn't want to push him. "I don't like jerks. You don't seem like one." I shrugged and looked down at my watch. I was short on time. Well, I could easily blame it on getting lost. "I'm (Y/N)... if you care." I said and moved past him to find my class. First English. Then Art. Then Math. We'll see how it goes.

...

It was weird.

Either I was brilliant at math, or this whole school was so backwards. During the lesson I got a little carried away with my thoughts, and instead of listening to the teacher I just began drawing doodles in my notebook.

"(Y/N) (L/N)..."

"Yes?" I got my head up as I heard my name.

The teacher must have noticed that I didn't pay any attention. "I understand the struggles of being a new student, but that isn't an excuse. You should be paying attention."

You should pay attention, you should do this, you should do that, you should...

"Do you even have an idea what to do with this problem?" the teacher gestured to the blackboard and crossed his arms on his chest.

Luckily, I remembered that problem. My previous teacher was pretty strict, so the entire class was always ahead of the schedule. I told him how to solve it. He seemed pretty impressed.

I didn't pay much attention to it, though. I went back to my doodles, occasionally looking up at the teacher.

But it only got weirder as the doorbell rang.

"H-Hey" a kid walked up to me as I was gathering my stuff from the desk.

"Hey" I replied, looking up at him. I noticed the cast on his left arm. "What's up?" I asked, only now remembering that this kid was also in the corridor with the douche, Connor, and me.

"Well, I-I thought... I mean, I'm not that good at math..." he seemed anxious. He didn't even look at me as he spoke.

"I can help." I said quickly. I felt bad when he was stuttering like that. "When?"

"Oh, really?" his eyes opened widely. "What time... Uh, is Wednesday okay with you? If not, then..."

"Wednesday it is then." I smiled at him, wanting to reassure him. I wondered, was he always like this or was it because of the morning incident? "By the way, I'm (Y/N). And, uhm... I'm sorry I yelled at your friend. But he was being a jerk."

"I'm Evan. And Jared... He's not my friend... I mean, he's a family friend. It's different, apparently." We walked out of the classroom together. "Uhm, do you... Have a minute?" he asked, running a hand through his hair.

"I have, why?"

"I need to go to the computer lab for a second, but... Maybe we could eat lunch together?"

"Sure. I can go with you to the lab."

"Oh, but I-I meant the lunch, not the lab" he began stuttering again.

"I know. I just didn't want to sit there by myself." I lied. I would be totally fine with it. But to be honest, I felt a bit protective over Evan.

"Oh, OK." he only said and rushed to the computer lab. I followed slightly behind, picking at my (f/c) nail polish. His phone started ringing, so I got even more behind, to avoid eavesdropping. He seemed a bit upset. Once we were finally there, he began writing something on the computer and I sat on one of the chairs nearby . I took a moment to look closely at the kid.

As he sat on the chair, probably unaware of me looking at him, he looked pretty normal. Just another teenager with blue striped polo shirt and short honey blonde hair. He was quietly tapping on the keyboard. There was a bit of a contrast between that kid and the one who approached me after math. "What're writing?" I asked, looking down so he wouldn't know I was staring.

"Oh that's just a stupid, it's a paper I have to write for a, uhm, for an assignment..."

"For school?

"Actually, no... Ahm, my therapist... I don't know..."

"If you don't feel comfortable talking about it, it's fine." I told him. And then we fell into an uncomfortable silence, that was broken only by the sound of the printer from the other side of the room. I got up and headed towards the door. Evan didn't get up, though. He just sat there. I stopped, one foot in the lab, one already outside

"So." I turned around when I heard a familiar voice. "What happened to your arm?" Connor stood in front of Evan, nervously hiding his hand in his pocket. In his other hand he held a paper. Was he there all along?

Evan looked a little startled. "Oh, I uhm, I fell out of a tree actually."

"You fell out of a tree?" I saw how Connor smiled before letting out a chuckle. "That is just the saddest fucking thing I've ever heard. Oh my God... " to my surprise, Evan also began to smile. He seemed a bit less scared. That was good. Connor shook his hand before moving closer to Evan.

"I know.." Evan chuckled as well, getting up from his chair.

"No one's signed your cast."

Evan's smile got thinner at the words. "No, I know." only now I noticed that the cast was indeed empty.

"I'll sign it. " I smiled at Connor's words. It was nice of him. I moved towards them, scanning through my bag.

"Me too. " I said before Evan could get any weak protest out of his mouth and handed Connor a sharpie. He looked at me in disbelief.

"I thought you left." Connor narrowed his eyes at me. He raised his hand to take the sharpie, but hesitated.

"Well, I didn't. " I smiled at him and tilted my head a little.

"You're like, a fucking phantom girl. " he shook his head and took the sharpie. Also, I think I may have seen a shadow of a smile playing on his lips. He signed Evan's cast first, then I took out another sharpie to do the same, but with smaller letters, slightly above the huge CONNOR.

"So, now we can all pretend we have friends, right?" Connor said, with this tired smile growing on his lips.

"Why pretend?" I asked, looking at the two boys in front of me. When I first saw Evan, I thought he was Jared's friend. Another douche. But he was just an anxious boy, in need of a friend. Just like me. And Connor...

Connor looked at me for a while. I had no idea why. Then he offered me a slight smile as he looked down. "Maybe... Uhm, I think it's yours? I... I heard you talking about the assignment, so I grabbed it for you." he awkwardly held the paper for Evan to get.

"Oh, uhm... Thanks..." Evan reached out and took the paper from Connor. His cheeks were blushing. Was he ashamed that Connor heard us?

"I hope it's not a habit of yours to eavesdrop on people." I joked and put the sharpie in my bag. I looked back up with a smile.

But Connor wasn't smiling. His face went pale, even more than before and I could see how his hands were shaking a little. "You think I wanted to hear that?" I think his breathing got a bit heavier. "What, you think I'm this kind of freak that goes around and spies on everyone?" his voice raised and I stepped back, slightly taken aback. "Is that what you think?!"

"N-No..." I stuttered as I saw him raging. It was just a joke, I didn't mean to hurt him in any way.

"Fuck you!" he yelled, throwing the sharpie my way and storming off. I didn't even have time to react, so the sharpie just bounced off my head. I simply stood there, bewildered. Evan looked at me and then at the door. He started picking at the hem of his shirt nervously.

"Is he always like this?" I asked, before finally realising something. I looked down at my watch. "God, my class starts now. " I didn't even notice the time passing as we sat in the lab. I took out an empty paper out of the printer and scribbled my name and phone number. "If you need anything, just call or text me. Bye, Evan!" I waved before running out of the lab. I checked the schedule. French. Just around the corner. Perfect.

But as I glanced to the window, I noticed a tall figure running towards the park. A familiar figure, with long hair. I wondered if I should go follow him...

No.

He clearly wanted to be alone.

And we weren't friends. Not really. I still didn't understand why he stormed off like that. Was it really because of what I said?

No, I wasn't rude. I was just trying to be friendly and make a joke. What was his problem?

Maybe there was something I didn't know...

"Hey Zoe, isn't that your brother running off to the park?" I heard someone say. I turned around to see who it was. A guy in some band's shirt and short black hair was talking to a brown haired girl. When it came to style, she couldn't be more different than Connor. But when I looked at her face I could find a few similarities.

Leave it (Y/N). It's not your problem. He's not even your friend. Why would you care?

Maybe because someone has to...

I came up to the girl. "Are you, uhm..." that was the second time today that I randomly walked up to someone just because I heard something that wasn't even meant for me. Why am I doing this? You don't even know him. "I'm sorry, this must seem weird as hell but... Are you Connor's sister?" I asked, biting on my lower lip. Great job (Y/N), now she probably thinks you're crazy...

I watched the expressions on Zoe's face change from confusion, to irritation, to concern. "Did he do something?" she asked quietly, so only I could hear. The boy took a few steps back to give us some privacy, but I noticed how he looked at me. As if I said something strange. "He's a freak, so if he'd done anything..."

"No, he didn't. I was just wondering... Could you send him a message from me?"

She furrowed her brow at me, but eventually nodded. "What is it?"

"Just... Tell him that I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Please, just text him..."

"... Okay."

CONNOR

The world is just a mess. A fucking mistake. And why should I be a part of this misery?

I sat in the park near the school. It was quiet here, at least for now. Mostly because all the annoying jerks were still at school. It was better this way. No one to see me break down.

The world's a fucking mess. The school's a fucking mess. I'm a fucking mess.

Why did I storm off  like that? The girl was actually pretty nice. It could be just a joke. Was it really? She didn't look like a typical bully. They never look like this. She said we could really be friends...

She was just trying to mock you, idiot.

She's new. She doesn't know me, probably never even heard of me. Which is for the best, actually.

Please, who the fuck would want you as a friend? You're a freak. You're the freak.

She defended me.

She pitied you.

I dug my fingers in my head, trying to get the voices to go away. I was tired of it all, why can't it just go away?

It could go away.

It will go away...

This morning I took a bottle of pills from the bathroom. It could be the end of this. End of this misery. I mean, no one would care, right?

*BEEP*

For fuck's sake.

I had tears in my eyes as I looked at the phone. It was lying on the ground next to my leg. I wanted to ignore it. There was Zoe's name after all. I just wanted to throw the phone away.

But then I saw the message. It was short, but it hit me like a ton of bricks.

From: ZOE (Y/N) says she's sorry.

I held the phone in my hand. It was shaking. I was shaking. Why was I shaking?

It's been so long since anyone apologised to me. Sincerely...

I don't really know why, but instead of throwing my phone, like I previously planned, I ended up throwing the bottle of pills away...

A/N

There are three other parts (for now) on wattpad, if you want to read the whole thing and leave feedback, you can search the title HELLDREAMERS on wattpad and it should show up.

#connor murphy #connor murphy x reader #connor murphy fic #dear evan hansen #dear evan hansen fic

[peach-and-willow]

Foxglove - Prologue

Look, dude, I know this is a dark alley and all, but that guy is one of my customers. N-not like, drugs, though, trust me. I-I just sell crystals, y’know, for chakras. It’s fine, just… back off, please?”

Slowly, my friend was let out of the choke hold a guy had been holding him in. The assailant looked ashamed as he apologized, but my friend responded good-naturedly with a wave and let him walk out of the alley undisturbed.

Once the intruder left and we could no longer hear his footsteps on the cold concrete, my friend and I let out the breath we had been holding in. Postures relaxed, we leaned against the walls of the buildings, facing each other. I tossed him what looked like a crudely made cigarette. Taking one for myself, I got my lighter out of my pocket as well. Activating the “potion” with the flame, I inhaled the smoke, feeling my lungs take in the energy.

“And what is this?” He asked, fiddling with the potion I gave him.

“Condensed energy potion. Kind of like a cigarette, just a lot less likely to kill you. It doesn’t contain any of the gross stuff in actual cigarettes, just made in a similar way.” As I spoke, green smoke blew out of my mouth, floating up along the gray bricks of the walls surrounding and up into the sky.

“Huh. Non-addictive, right?”

“Guaranteed,” I assured him, lighting a flame once again. As he leaned in, I watched as it glowed with a dim green light. “Lighting it activates the potion,” I explained.

“Pretty genius,” He complimented, and we sat there “smoking” for a while.

“The chakra thing is a good cover, isn’t it?” I commented, “Makes us look like hippies, sure, but it’s not like we’re not, right?”

“Yeah, it’s clever enough. Call me a hippie, though, and you’re not selling me anything, Mallory,” he joked.

I smiled slyly, “Joke’s on you, Fergus-I’ve got some raw emerald today and this is your only chance to get some. My price is eighty.”

“Fine, done,” Fergus agreed excitedly.

He handed me a stack of bills as I took the small green rock from my bag. I sighed as I counted the money, “I said eighty, Fergus. Potion’s on me.”

Fergus immediately took back a portion of the money. He was a generous guy, but he knew from experience that I didn’t take any more than I asked for.

After our exchange, we said our goodbyes and headed our separate ways. I lived a few neighborhoods away, while this was Fergus’s block. However, I felt much more at home here, where half of the houses were cottage sized and the other half were being swallowed up by the brush in front of the forest. It was much less… “snooty” than my neighborhood, where we mowed the tidy lawns of our pristine, gigantic houses daily. I ran my business underground, figuratively, selling witchcraft supplies to those who knew, because no one suspected the rich girl from uptown to be a witch.

Two hours later, I arrived at my empty house. My boots, jeans, and jacket were covered in dirt and other stains from hiking through the forest, not to mention finding every excuse to doodle in my journal while sitting in trees. My parents hated when I did this, but it was an easy way to get anywhere in town and the best place to get away from people, and therefore my natural habitat. I walked through the forest almost every day, observing the plants and animals. In fact, I kept a journal on the forest recording its condition, sketches of wildlife, and anything strange I found.

From the outside, my house seemed perfectly normal, with a stone garden and various lawn ornaments. The inside, however, was as cold and boring as my parents. Although they were good people with good intentions, they often expected me to conform to their every belief and whim just because I was their daughter. What they call my “rebellious phase” is what I call my realization that I don’t deserve to be treated like someone’s property. So, we had our screaming matches and periods of complete silence, and eventually came to the conclusion that I should be left alone to do my own thing. Now, my parents were barely there, and didn’t really care what I did as long as it wasn’t illegal.

It was with this lack of supervision that I was able to start my business about a year and a half ago. With my weekly allowance, I bought my own witchcraft supplies plus surplus to sell. I started with small things-books, some inexpensive crystals, incense, and altar supplies. Then, as I started earning money on top of my allowance, I began selling crystal jewelry and small trinkets I made.

Even as I started to build my business out of my own space in the house, it never felt like home. My room was the only place in the house where there seemed to be any life. In fact, my room was filled with plants for that singular purpose. I never felt comfortable in places where there wasn’t nature and things growing and living.

My walls were a dark shade of green, except for my giant bookshelf covering the entire wall behind my bed. On it, my gigantic collection of books was organized by subject on each shelf, then by color. Empty spaces were filled by clay sculptures and pots I had made in Fergus’ art classes, small plants, and some photos from my photography class. One shelf held my stereo, with wireless speakers nearby. However, I had a whole five shelves dedicated to my crystal collection, each of them separated on a different section of the wall. So far, I had collected nearly every type of crystal from Agate to Unakite.

Despite it not being my preference, there were many perks to living in a house as large as mine, such as the large windows that let in plenty of light for my plants, and the fact that I had my own office next door, which was only accessible through the false wall in my closet (which was installed when I was a kid, originally the entrance to my playroom). I keep nearly my entire business in that room-supplies and tools for crafts, the many boxes of all the things I sell, and records of everything I order.

Was my business completely legal? Probably not, but it supported an entire community of witches. Despite the large number of us in the area, there weren’t many witchcraft or Wicca shops in town. The closest thing was incense you could get at a dollar store or the crystals sold at tourist attractions. So, I ordered anything a witch might need in bulk, keeping some for myself and selling everything else.

I entered my room, drained from such a long day and an eventful meeting with Fergus. Tossing my dirty jacket onto the bed, I followed suit, flopping on top of it and rolling onto my back. Taking out my phone, I connected to my stereo, and played a bit of music. For a few minutes, I just sat there, listening to the sound of a perfectly in-tune choir. Then, the song switched to a traditional Scottish piece that reminded me of Fergus.

Suddenly inspired, I stiffly rose from my position on the bed and grabbed a sketchbook from a low shelf behind me. Flipping through one and walking back over to my bed, I took a pencil from a pot on my larger bookshelf and sat on my bed once again. I could visualize all of the subject’s features-Fergus’s scruffy beard on his long, thin face, his perpetually tired eyes, and the trace of his cleft chin. It was hard to draw, but I tried my best in getting his long, tied-up-and-under a-beanie hairstyle right. It was a rough sketch, but once I finished it had turned out better than I had expected.

My style was pretty realistic, and the sketch captured him well. Since I was in a portrait mood, I decided to do another self-portrait, which I did many of. I began with the outline of my head, but then had a brilliant idea. Remembering a photo I had taken in photography class, I decided to draw a copy of it.

A few months ago, we were asked to photograph a few tamed animals in the local petting zoo. Everyone loved to compare me to a fox, with my short, red hair, which was cut to the length of long fur. I also had a squarish face with a long, thin nose and thin lips, which strengthened the similarity. So, I was paired with the domesticated fox for the project, and they positioned us to face the camera in mirrored positions as if to emphasize the resemblance.

When people started to call me nicknames like “fox,” or “vixen,” I embraced it. It was a childish thought, but I always wanted to believe that the local foxes were something special, and my resemblance to them made me special, too. Often in my walks through the forest, I saw foxes through the bushes and trees, doing whatever it was that wild animals did. They minded their business, and I minded my own, but I could never explain why they seemed to be so comfortable with my presence. This made my fantasy seem valid, as if our similar features bonded us.

It was almost eerie, how alike to the fox and I seemed in my drawing, once I had finished. While the picture pointed out the simple similarity in our features, the expressions, positions, and details in the portrait I had drawn pointed out so much more in common between us. As if pouring a bit of my soul into the picture, I stared outward from the portrait with a mischievous and coy expression. As if I had learned it from the fox, it wore the same expression with a wiser, more learned glint in its eyes. I had almost forgotten that it was a self-portrait as I was about to add more freckles and whisker-like markings to my face.

I stared at the finished picture. A thought recited itself in my mind: the fox was commonly a symbol of adaptation, cunning, and mischief. Maybe that was something I could learn from them.

#mine #writing #wip #original #witch