#aka the ladder truck embolism lawsuit arc

[readinginthereadyroom]

it’s the one that got away (911 3x16) and buck is scared he’s going to be left behind. actually, he’s been scared. always scared. it’s buck’s greatest fear. 

because this has been buck’s arc since the ladder truck bombing in this life we choose (911 2x18). when his leg is crushed and he’s suddenly faced with the possibility that he might not be a firefighter anymore. might lose his family. might not be buck. 

and just when it seems that his life will get back to normal. that he’ll go back to work. he has a pulmonary embolism. nearly dies right in front of them. again. freaking bobby out to the point where he blocks buck’s return to the 118. 

leading to the lawsuit arc. 

and yeah. buck turned down the settlement. reconciled with the team, with bobby, with eddie. came back to the life he loves. back to work. back to his family. 

but all of that was about buck’s present. the here-and-now. this time it’s about buck’s future. a looming someday when the team has been split among different houses. when bobby has retired. when they’ve moved on with kids and families of their own. what happens to buck then? 

will he become like john “code red” delacroix? deluding himself that he’s still a firefighter by being stuck in the past. living in a one-bedroom apartment that is more a shrine to the fighting 134 than a home. surrounded by memorabilia and dead friends and regrets and fire-engine red walls. alone until the next funeral.

buck’s not okay with that. because red is the embodiment of all buck’s fears. and buck sees himself in red.

only the thing is. red might imply that his one-time fiancé broke up with him over the job. much like how ali broke up with buck. but it’s not the same. not at all. 

ali broke up with buck because he has a dangerous line of work. which she knew--they did meet during the collapse of a high rise--but also didn’t. hadn’t realized what that actually meant. 

because she got out unscathed. got out because buck is good at his job. because buck’s a firefighter. 

so seeing him get hurt. seriously hurt. while at work. well, it’s too much. she doesn’t think she can live in the constant fear that something could happen to someone she loved. with that level of worry and uncertainty. 

and that’s valid.

red’s fiancé, on the other hand, broke up with red because he stood her up on a series of dates to the world series in 1988. dismissed them out-of-hand because he didn’t think they’d be worth watching. didn’t think the LA dodgers had a chance against the oakland athletics. so he didn’t give his fiancé a chance. and went to work instead.

and that’s just. so dismissive. and callous. it’s not about the job at all. it’s just an excuse red is using 40 years later. to pretend that she’s the one who got away. when he’s the one who left her behind. 

young red. make that code red. was a hothead too consumed with the image of being a firefighter. of being a hero who saves lives. that he neglected having his own. he’s buck 1.0. the guy we only sorta meet in the pilot episode. who steals the firetruck and sleeps around. 

only red never had any system upgrades. or if he did, it wasn’t until it was too late. his fiancé had already left. his team had already moved on. his family is only a memory. 

which is why red is so devasted when he sees his ex-fiancé again. because she’s gotten older. gotten confused. and it’s a does of clear reality on all of red’s rose-tinted memories of her. of the girl that started bar fights and the girl who was afraid of snakes. the girl who knew who I was. now I don't even have that.

and just. who does that you remind you of? is there perhaps someone in buck’s life who maybe joins cage fights. and who’s maybe afraid of technology. someone who knows who he is and when has to do something. like go full buck.

but that’s spec for later. 

right now. red’s angry and he’s taking it out on buck. who only wanted to help. wanted to see romance and family win. just stay away from me. I'm not sure I can survive your help anymore.

and yeah, buck did make it about himself. pushed his own fears of the future onto red. but he also befriending a lonely old firefighter. brought him adventure and hope and respect during his last days. 

because it turns out red has mesothelioma. diagnosed last year. it’s a rare type of cancer from inhaling asbestos. and it’s prevalent among firefighters. which, as a firefighter, buck knows. that when he says red really sacrificed everything for the job. he means everything.

and the firefam sees buck’s fears. sees buck struggling. and they do their best to make him feel better. to insists they’ll always be around. that they won’t leave buck behind. 

only they kind of do a terrible job of it. because the 118 before buck was something different. parts of a whole but not yet whole. so no. hen and chim and bobby don’t keep in contact with the old team. because they weren’t friends. weren’t family. the way the 118 is now.

and that’s because of buck. because buck will always have maddie. and maddie is dating chim. and chim is best friends with hen. and hen is friends with athena. and athena is married to bobby. so where exactly does buck expect his family to go? they’re a package deal. all of them.

maybe especially eddie. he’s buck’s best friend. and with eddie there will always be christopher. and carla. and abuela and pepa. a special subset of family just for buck.

and honestly. I think it’s this ep. compounded with the well collapse in eddie begins (911 3x15). that prompts eddie to change his will. to make buck chris’ legal guardian. because even if by some tragedy the firefam doesn’t stay together. if maddie leaves again. if eddie dies. if buck is left behind. then buck will still have christopher. and christopher will have buck. they won’t be alone. 

because eddie really meant it when he said that won’t happen to us. even if he doesn’t say anything about it. not yet. 

which is why it’s maddie who tells buck that he’s not red. emphasizes that red’s life won’t be buck’s future. no matter buck’s fears. because even if maddie already left. twice. she also came back twice. she’ll always come back. you're never gonna be left behind. okay? no matter what.

but what isn’t said. by the team, by maddie, by eddie. is said later by taylor kelly in breaking point (911 4x08). your life is nothing but meaningful relationships. and that’s the crux of it, isn’t it? the central thesis to buck 2.0′s character arc.

buck already has a family. will always have a family. he can’t be left behind.

#also it was not my intent to have eddie outside the roll call #he's actually at the beginning #eddie is best friends with buck #buck's sister is maddie #maddie is dating chim #etc etc etc #but it's really about all of them together #they are all essential parts of the greater firefam whole #with intertwining relationships #but it's also about buck in particular #how the whole team seemed to fall apart without him #aka the ladder truck embolism lawsuit arc #eddie esp fell apart without buck #bobby too #also I did not clock the parallels between cindy red's fiance and eddie until just now #cause red is a buck mirror #even if a worst timeline mirror #where buck never moved on from buck 1.0 #firefam #evan 'buck' buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #maddie buckley #howard 'chimney' han #henrietta wilson #athena grant #bobby nash #9-1-1 #911 what's queue emergency? #writing in the ready room