#am I worse now? Is that even possible??

[diari0deglierrori]

When one of your long time mutual unfollows out of the blue

#it’s been days but I’m just now making a post about it #I mean I know that I’m annoying and all but I just don’t know what I’ve done so differently than I’ve had since they started following me #am I worse now? Is that even possible?? #I haven’t unfollowed back though if you truly want to get rid of me you can block me #but I still like you so I’ll stay for as long as you allow me to #no hard feelings just…ouch :(

[cubedmango]

more childhood au sillies

#cherry magic #my art #alt caption ''is it rlly possible for a city boy and a country boy to be besties (and more..? haha jk....unless?) #tbh i still havent decided where to take this au bc i am stuck w two equally good decisions #now basically i have to pick if i wanna make kurosawa pine for 7 yrs as usual or do even worse and make that 14 yrs . hmmmmm

[songtwo]

i love past lives and la la land and i am not one of those ppl who think they should’ve been together but the reason they make me so sad is bc i know i would make the same choices if i was in that situation like i wish i was the kind of person who would be happy doing laundry and paying taxes i sometimes really do but that will never be me who i am is always going to be someone who leaves

#and this isn’t just romantic relationship oriented like i am that person in every way possible #and it’s so lonely and sad sometimes but i can’t be any other way even though i sometimes wish i was #i miss everyone and the comfort and safety of home but right now this is where i need to be #and i’m sure i’ve made the right choices and i love this job and this city so i’m convinced im doing the right thing #maybe one day i'll be someone who stays but not in the near future for better or worse

[actual-changeling]

.

#alex gets personal #no because now that i think about it the funniest fucking part is that this. this. #is the best i have ever been. #and i still wanna off myself every single second of every day. #i don't even have standards at this point #they're not in hell or anywhere they just don't exist. #like i cant believe 'i should be fucking grateful i am not longer terrified of being legit murdered in my sleep by my father' is a sentence #that i can think and actually mean #if it had been any worse id be dead aka it was as horrible as it could have possibly been #if you had given three year old me a way out they would have taken it #do you know how horrifying that is #a toddler. who loves books and is fascinated by animals and would love nothing more than to die #what a life i have huh literally cant believe i made it this far #sorry for the breakdown on main it will happen again

[crimeronan]

i'm working on the next wwaitsoatl chapter, which as i've previously mentioned is by FAR my most involved story as far as, like, technical process goes. i finished the second draft of the chapter and went "god, wow, this is all shit, this all sucks so bad, i'm never gonna be able to make anything usable out of this" and then stepped away for a few hours and now i'm midway through the first editing pass and i just keep going "oh my god. oh my god. holy Shit this is gonna bang so fucking hard once i fix it all. oh this is gonna go so hard there's so much potential. fuck YES oh my GOD my HORRIBLE LITTLE BITCHES ARE BACK-"

#the 'this is shit. this is awesome. i am shit. i am awesome. this is shit. i am awesome' process. it will repeat several more times #eda is saying some of the worst things she can possibly think of to darius. it's messy. it's delightful. #think like. princess AU hunter and amity terrorism except more justified more neurotic and more middle-aged #i don't know when i'll finish this chapter bc like i said. editing takes hours and hours and HOURS. but. #i like being excited about this story again. for months it's been making me horrifically anxious but now i'm like YES GOD. YES #(the anxiety wasnt bc of the story itself it was just bc. uh. i'm diseased and scared i can't measure up anymore) #(in terms of writing quality. i don't want this story to have a game of thrones nosedive in quality just bc my immune system is fucked.) #(nothing worse than over 1300 subscribers being able to peg your cognition declining. but i'm feeling a lot better these days so.) #(fingers crossed.) #toh #i don't know how many people are even gonna come back to read it since the show's been over for 9 months and it's been #that long since the last update too. ppl who conceived children when i last updated are having their babies right now. #but. if some of u guys are still sticking around. that will be enough <3

[countess-of-edessa]

“are the girls going to help you make pierogis?” well no one else is fucking gonna are they? no one else in this house has functional fucking hands apparently

#every Christmas i think about the time we came home from mass and my father said “finally! now we can relax.” and sat down at his computer #and played video games for the next three hours while my mother and sister and i stood six feet away from him in the kitchen making #200 pierogis. #it’s crazy considering the amount of stuff he gets done for him on a daily basis that I would never even think would be done for me by anyo #like bed made for him/all meals/all dishes/food put on his plate for him because he refuses to do it himself/pretty much all errands #whenever he wants tea he just says that want out loud and it gets brought to him by magic #i mean or anything else! he once said “did you say we were having cappuccinos today?” just to no one in particular and we all knew no one h #had said anything of the sort. and then he was given one! #of course he goes to work from 8-6ish every day but other than one day a week it’s remote and has been for years and i can hear him #he is pretty much never not on the phone gossiping with someone #and i don’t begrudge him having a not physically intensive job or anything but im just trying to think of the things he has to do #he makes my mother mow the lawn. i do it when i am home because i think that’s disgraceful. #if my mother begs hard enough he'll do the least amount of yard work possible if it’s something we can’t physically do by ourselves. #but on a daily basis it’s just go to work/eat the breakfast brought to you/eat the lunch brought to you/come downstairs eat the dinner made #for you/play video games until you go to bed in the bed that was made for you in the morning #and on non work days it’s just eat/video games/bed #and like all this to say #he complains more and has a worse attitude than anyone I have ever known in my life #whenever he encounters a minor inconvenience he's talking about how it never ends and he never gets a chance to rest for once #literally any day that’s not spent in complete and total stagnation is considered a failure #he hates when my mother and sister and i are happy like we can’t even play music and laugh in the kitchen while we cook and clean up after #meals because it distracts him from his video games and his YouTube videos about video games and the war in Ukraine #he gets mad when we laugh too much lol like dude you’re pretty lucky you have daughters who can have fun while doing the dishes #considering you haven’t done them in like 20 years #word to the ladies out there btw: my parents used to clean up after dinner together when they first got married. so watch out lmao

[airenyah]

dunk saying he's never met anyone who likes hugging as much as joong does is making me laugh really hard as a very touchy-feely person myself bc like yeah. dunk has clearly never met me (and that's probably a good thing dfkkjdfkjd)

#no for real tho i'll be looking for any possible excuse to go get another hug from my friends #sometimes in my friend groups i'll go for a second goodbye hug once everyone else is done saying goodbye #everyone will be like ''but you've already hugged this person goodbye??'' and i'll be like ''SO??? CAN'T I GET ANOTHER HUG??? 😭'' #sometimes i don't even look for excuses to hug my friends sometimes i'll just straight up walk up to them and hug them out of the blue #it's worse when i'm really tired #i can't tell you the amound of times i've heard ''awww is airenyah tired again??'' on days i am really affectionate... kskfkgfd #anyway no i get it. i get joong #maybe that's why i enjoy them as a pair so much bc i just feel really represented lmaooo #airenyah plappert #joongdunk #รถทาเลนท์ #we have guests coming over in 5 mins and i'm only 4mins into the video oops #looks like i won't make it to the end of the show before the doorbell rings kjkjdf #i feel a strong urge to go hug my mom now ngl #also!! only the other day i sent my friend a message that went #''can i come over for a hug in the new year? 🥺'' #(my friend said yes 💃🏻) #(i don't even need to hang out with him tbh i'm happy to just show up at his door squeeze him for 5mins straight and leave again lol)

[solipseismic]

how is it that we get a roommate to replace the former roommate whom we had beef with for screaming at their video games and the new roommate does the same exact thing but with a different emotion. like didn't we get you to avoid this exact scenario

#granted there were a lot of other worse and different reasons why we kicked alyx out #however; #and granted we did say at the beginning of this thing that new roommate is a twitch streamer and games a lot so this may be an issue #HOWEVER. #4 days out of the week i have to text this fuckass to keep it down bc i hear them shrieking clear across the house at 1am after they? idk? #get shot by a 13 yr old in fortnite? #get good i guess! #genuine rage over this due to i can hear them yelling right now (it is 1130 pm) #and it isnt even a good game. and? you aren't even good at it. #idk. skill issue on both counts! i dont have a bad time in game bc im good at it. and even when i do i am not making noises #especially not noises that can be heard across a hallway and two (2) doors #like the most insignificant of insignificant petty grievances but perhaps the one i am most frustrated by #somehow #'ahhh i play fortnite ahhh i'm having such a time playing fornite' i have nothing but contempt for you. #in the most asshole way possible. after having played a few games. telling ppl u play fortnite is embarrassing. #no matter how u do. u win? congratulations! you just wiped a bunch of 13 yr olds #u lose? congratulations! u just got wiped by a bunch of 13 yr olds and some fuckass who drops $50 weekly to get some fuckass shiny gun #or whatever. #ANYWAYS ... #everyone avert ur eyes im tired and pissed about a variety of things. #croidhe #AND they don't clean up after themselves EITHER. granted not to the extent alyx didn't #and at least they're not a complete asshole. but. did we NOT get you to avoid. this EXACT scenario.

[eliseliedl]

i decided to quit tw*tter

#should have done it ages ago but i've been there since i was 10 💀 #but it's just too horrible now. the most annoying ppl on the internet are there #everyone is always looking for conflict. every fucking day. it's such a toxic environment #the lack of media literacy is absolutely dreadful (yes even worse than here) #just too much negativity in general. the worst takes possible. the most annoying trends #i could go on #no website is perfect but fuck. you can't get worse than tw*tter it's just impossible #or maybe t*ktok is worse actually asjkhksd but anyways i never intended to use that trash app #i am free now ❤

[pepprs]

doing really bad in ways i can’t talk about which is making it worse

#just cancelled a meeting so i could cry in the office LMAOOOOOOO 🥰👍 #purrs #the mortifying ordeal of my therapist being on her honeymoon rn 😹😹😹😹😹 #i think i am just a bad person and my needs hurt people who need me. and it’s not fair to them and idont know what to do with that. #i think i may have to move out sooner than i am ready to and not listen to anyone telling me to keep waiting. this is not sustainable. it’s #not sustainable for my family because i hurt them with my needs. and it’s not sustainable for me to be unable to need and get what i need #without hurting them. i think what’s so hard about this is that i have to do it alone and everyone is against me doing it but i have to do #it anyway. i don’t know. i don’t want my sister to see this and get hurt. if you do see this im sorry i can’t be what you need. im sorry my #needs hurt you. but they’re needs. i have to be selfish even though my brain is screaming at me in your voice that i don’t. i just need to #escape it all. i am allowed to need independence and alone time and im sorry i was cruel about asserting it but i need to assert it and no #one at home understands why but I need to. im not talking coherently i just feel so wretched and sick to my stomach with guilt and grief and #frustration and shame and i have to facilitate a huge session in an hour and a half. #delete later #like my friends / mutuals / mentors / etc can tell me until they’re blue in the face that i am not a bad person and i deserve to live an #independent Life etc etc but none of you are actually in my house and you don’t see how it is and how i am the cause of all of it and how im #stuck and making things worse. and i can’t summon my strength or calm down or anything. i don’t know. i have to get ready for the session i #just can’t even think straight. my family is right and i am also right and i can’t assert my rightness over theirs. so im stuck forever. #if i could i would leave work early and go home but there’s no one to take me home and home is actually the worst possible place to be #right now LOLLLLL. i just need to curl into a bed and cry. also im about to get my period so thats probably why im like this lol

[pallases]

#guys i am not ready for this exam 😭 or any of my exams really #personal #the engineering chronicles #this is so so bad my final grades coming out of this semester are going to be appalling like almost all c’s most likely #and what’s worse is it’s entirely my own fault for letting the musical get in the way of things #i’ll probably get out of diffeq w an a- altho a or b+ are both in realm of possibility too. everything else tho. :/ #also mad bc one of my other classes i was on track to get a b+ Easy and possibly even pull thru w an a- but then i bombed its last exam and #now need like a 98 or smth on this exam to get a b+ so that flew out the window #then physics and circuits i will Probably pass both of them i can get like mid 50s ish on their finals and still pass and i haven’t gotten #that low on any exam yet but UHH. still not nearly as low as i would like to be able to get and still stay safe #also would just. prefer not to only pass them like a b- or smth in both of them would be nice but :/ #not impossible but also not particularly likely #diffeq i can literally get a 0 in and still pass vs the class i was on track to earn a b+ in i can get a 29 so we’re fine #there. but circuits and physics. scary ❗️

[m0e-ru]

guy whose artstyle is clearly i need to get this out of my system as quickly as possible or i'll get sick inside and die. my grand drawing time was 3 seconds and this year it's 2

#kommento #// im not saying i got worse nor did i get better i guess it's different now that im understanding more concepts about how to draw #// i could try adding more weight to my lines to express form or colors to contrast #// but the moment the thing i make can be barely distinguishable as the idea i am trying to express then im DONE !! #// i have so much fire ideas i just wish i spent more time to make them more recognizable or actually have time in the first place #// if it looks like mimis backflipping with three strokes IT'S OVERR im NOT coloring that #// man one day im gonna be able to work on anything without having to look over my shoulder every three minutes #// still flopping at my kai go connect your lines challenge this year but at least im trying to color too #// having to work as fast as possible really has affected me even in my art . putting ideas out before they fly away #// maybe thats why im more partial to discord . so i can machine gun my way through thoughts and keep them around even if its messy #// although with everything slowing down. i think i can finally find time to go back to my old ideas and expand on them #// yawns. i should go clean up

[oflgtfol]

im happy to announce that my back does not hurt like it used to anymore. dare i say it even doesnt hurt at all anymore

#i seem to be more flexible now too? like more flexible than i have been for like. the past few years #like i can actually twist around to crack my back #i normally can barely twist my back before im in pain #cracking my back is 1. possible again and 2. actually feels good instead of feeling like im ripping my body apart lol #which is so fucking wild bc i expected my big ass fuckin round trip road trip upstate was gonna fuck my body up even more #everyone at my job was concerned about my back and i was like naur i'll go to the doctor after the eclipse trip #i dont want them telling me to not sit in a car for hours on end bc then i'll feel guilty for doing this #i want plausible deniability.. i'll go to the doctor AFTER the trip #but then i noticed halfway through the trip that actually i wasnt even in pain anymore #and now today i noticed how flexible i am suddenly #like what ?!??!?! #where did this improvement come from and why did it happen AFTER the event i thought would make it worse #brot posts #anyway bye im sick of being on tumblr again i miss only posting like once a day. i need to stop posting again i hate posting

[galactikburzt]

i really need to try and contact some of my old friends more often to see how are they all doing

now i really wish i didn't started isolating myself from others just like that

im gonna have to get out of my bubble as soon as i can

#isolating myself for a couple months has actually had a negative impact on me though #im just a little scared of the possibility that i might have changed for the worse on my time alone #i used to be a sweet and supportive person #that's what i've been told in the past #back when i had lots of friends #but now i can barely even recognize myself anymore #did i become selfish #have i always been like this and i have never realized #it's kind of scary to think about #i have took everything i had away from me #so i guess i am pretty much mad at myself for that

[boltgunkiller-archive]

time to watch born this way aka the most irritating episode ever

#NOT ACTUALLY. i enjoy this episode. i have fun with it #but will’s treatment of emma’s ocd makes me genuinely furious #forget everything else the fact he pressures her so heavily into putting ocd on her shirt is egregious #with carl you could see he genuinely cared for emma and wanted to help out the best that he could #i honestly wished they were endgame #but with will??? he literally was like “air out your mental health struggles that you’re still struggling to get support with. Right now. t #a ton of possibly judgemental teenagers. this is definitely going to help you. Also i’m going to trigger an ocd panic attack but it’s fine #because i DEFINITELY know what i’m doing because i have a crush on you.“ #also might i add will’s the definition of that “consensual work-place relationship” thing ned from try guys had going on #like multiple times he was so. weird for that (ignoring literally everything else he’s done btw like he’s very obviously weird #in other ways too…) #ughhhh. the way he treats emma makes me so MAD. he wasn’t supportive at all and clearly didn’t want her to get help #he wanted to fix her but he ended up making her even worse #idk why they just let that happen either but Okay #sorry 🫤 i am so irritated by him. freak #gleeposting

[daz4i]

how to stop thinking any good thing someone says to you (like compliments or being proud of you or other positive expressions such as these) is a lie just to be polite or bc they're biased and thus can't judge you work and your being objectively bc they love you. asking for a friend

#lovebombing won't work on me i will automatically assume there is an ulterior motive there #i may be off on what it is. but i won't trust it either anyway #(joking btw ik i'm not immune to abuse tactics. that's actually part of why i'm vigilant to all that i think) #(but not only) #i think my main issue is i know in my heart these things can't be right. the bigger the compliment the less i believe it #bc i'm below average and so is anything i create. propping it (and me) up as smth unique feels disingenuous #in my heart i do want this like i wanna be told nice things but they usually make me feel worse lol #bc i still think i'm shit and now i feel like i can't trust that person either. #(still. if someone is mean to me or even just harsh instead. i will cry) #also while this is already very deep and digging into my core the next tags are gonna dig into therapy level deepness lol #i think this is actually why i only want ppl to be sexually attracted to me honestly #smth abt it being like. a physical reaction. makes it easier to believe for me #also smth you can express smth you can do to prove it beyond just saying words #(i will sometimes still doubt it when i have a steady partner of any sort lol like i'll ask if they just indulge me or actually want it) #which is why it's fucking me up sm that i'm getting uglier 🥲 i'm already not great - being trans and fat limits a lot of your options - but #things are getting even worse lol 🥲 who knew that was even possible #all this isn't really a very good base to stop hating yourself. so my self loathing is only getting worse every day #thus making any good word harder to believe. and the cycle continues #. yknow when i started typing this post i did not expect to go on for this long #i am on these sleeping pills that make me lose my filter i'm sorry 😔 #vent